Join 3,497 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)


Bro, check it out - seriously huge rave on Zombie Island tonight!
December 11, 2009 11:35 AM   Subscribe

WTF Comcast is "proof that whoever writes the Comcast OnDemand descriptions is drunk."
posted by jbickers (51 comments total) 14 users marked this as a favorite

 
Those are hilarious.
posted by delmoi at 11:40 AM on December 11, 2009


I always appreciate a personal touch.
posted by The Whelk at 11:41 AM on December 11, 2009 [2 favorites]


Comcastic
posted by ob at 11:42 AM on December 11, 2009


Surprisingly funny.
posted by JeffK at 11:43 AM on December 11, 2009


Never would have thought to put these on a blog, but I've always wondered why Comcast's description writers were thinking.
posted by Mister Cheese at 11:46 AM on December 11, 2009


Remember, it's all legal in Denmark. A thought for the ages.
posted by ob at 11:46 AM on December 11, 2009


"Honey, if it's the Apocalypse, we're all in peril, okay?" Too good.
posted by Errant at 11:50 AM on December 11, 2009


A popular fashion model/actress and her cute little dog are drugged, abducted, and wake up in someone's torture chamber. Her night pretty much goes downhill from there.

The use of the adverb "pretty much" in that description may well be a sign of genius.
posted by ob at 11:51 AM on December 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


Person writing synopses = very funny. Commentary on blog = not funny at all.
posted by josher71 at 11:55 AM on December 11, 2009 [14 favorites]


Heh heh.
posted by marxchivist at 11:56 AM on December 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


Which one is the keeper?
posted by fixedgear at 12:01 PM on December 11, 2009


I hope that the Comcast Corporate Overlords don't clamp down on this; it may be the best thing to come out of Comcast ... ever.
posted by Kadin2048 at 12:01 PM on December 11, 2009


How do they get away with these? Especially the Lindsey Lohan one, which seems almost libelous.
posted by MattMangels at 12:02 PM on December 11, 2009


Honey, we're all in trouble, ok?
posted by dejah420 at 12:03 PM on December 11, 2009


My call: blog owner is extremely envious of the description writer, who obviously is having balls-out fun with their job.
posted by Halloween Jack at 12:07 PM on December 11, 2009 [11 favorites]


I'm not sure if I like the idea of snarking on something that's already snarking. It's like making fun of someone who's clearly mocking something that deserves to be mocked. The comments should be laughing WITH mysterious summary writer, not AT.
posted by amethysts at 12:07 PM on December 11, 2009 [2 favorites]


I'm not sure how to think about this, as it suggests the possibility that it is possible to work for Comcast and have a soul. Much evidence suggests otherwise.
posted by delfin at 12:08 PM on December 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


Those are awesome. I hate Comcast a little less now.
posted by Garak at 12:09 PM on December 11, 2009 [2 favorites]


Seeing a personal touch like this in such a typically sterile medium is like seeing a flower growing out of a pavement crack in the middle of downtown. I'm so happy to see it, even though I know it'll be snuffed out in a few days.
posted by CaseyB at 12:09 PM on December 11, 2009 [8 favorites]


I've noticed that on FearNet (now showing Screamers! a film you may have heard of!) ALL the synopses read like this. As well they should, since those tend to be movies that lend themselves to synopses that read like this.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 12:12 PM on December 11, 2009


Witty GloboChem commentary is spread to the masses by Stilted Overtrying Blog.

Has there been some kind of kink in the space-time continuum?
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 12:12 PM on December 11, 2009


Hmm, I always saw the wacky descriptions most often on the FearNet movies and actually assumed they were coming from the folks at FearNet. Example here - see their descriptions on their site. But I see from the screenshots that I was wrong. Very interesting.
posted by bunnycup at 12:13 PM on December 11, 2009


I recall in the 80s my friend said his satellite guide had some surprising descriptions. To prove it he opened and randomly picked "Deliverance."
To this day I remember the description:
Atlanta businessmen take a bad canoe trip.

The blog is funny, but I still hate Comcast.
posted by cccorlew at 12:14 PM on December 11, 2009 [2 favorites]


The thing is, all the movies are pretty much the same level of mst-able Comcast On Demand cheap flicks, which has made me wonder before if they just have one person who writes those summaries (and none of the other ones), if this is the one place the summary writers assume nobody will check their work, or the place where they get well-deserved free reign over their descriptions.

But yeah the blog's commentary on real-life Joel's blurbs is pretty bad.
posted by The Bridge on the River Kai Ryssdal at 12:17 PM on December 11, 2009


Metafilter: Somebody woke up cranky.
posted by dirigibleman at 12:25 PM on December 11, 2009 [4 favorites]



My call: blog owner is extremely envious of the description writer, who obviously is having balls-out fun with their job.


Yes, exactly.
posted by Divine_Wino at 12:26 PM on December 11, 2009


Yeah, I'm pretty sure all the awesome horror descriptions are licensed from FearNet. Which makes me like FearNet a little bit more, despite their terrible lower third popups. FearNet movies are nearly unwatchable.
posted by brundlefly at 12:27 PM on December 11, 2009


I actually want to see some of these movies now, because of these descriptions! I mean, look at "I Know Who Killed" (...?): Lindsey Lohan as a one-legged stripper in a hospital? Julia Ormond- once thought to be A-list material and repeatedly given star vehicles- has now fallen as far as straight-to-DVD fluff?

I'm so there!
posted by hincandenza at 12:28 PM on December 11, 2009


Hmm, I always saw the wacky descriptions most often on the FearNet movies and actually assumed they were coming from the folks at FearNet. Example here - see their descriptions on their site. But I see from the screenshots that I was wrong. Very interesting.
posted by bunnycup


Lionsgate+Sony+Comcast = FearNet. So, same source. All for one money. Glories of globalization.
posted by beelzbubba at 12:30 PM on December 11, 2009


amethysts: Isn't that part of the package for a blog with "meta" as part of it's title?
posted by zombieflanders at 12:31 PM on December 11, 2009


I was referring to the tone of the comments underneath the screenshots... I should have clarified that.
posted by amethysts at 12:37 PM on December 11, 2009


Is this the thread where we get cranky about the FEAR.net screen popups? Because I hate them ever so much.
posted by fleacircus at 1:01 PM on December 11, 2009


"They'll scare the shizzle out of you."

I actually, in real life, made this sound: GUH-HAAAAA-HAHAHAHAH. Now I'm kind of embarrassed, but not as embarrassed as I am to have actually seen that movie.
posted by Nattie at 1:05 PM on December 11, 2009 [2 favorites]


For whatever reason, I didn't read the "comments" as snarky, so much as just the guy unnecessarily pointing out what he thought was funny about them. Aside from the "texted in" bit though, the site could do without them entirely.
posted by Navelgazer at 1:06 PM on December 11, 2009 [2 favorites]


Drunk? I always kind of imagined an enthusiastic 12 year old writing them.
posted by usonian at 1:08 PM on December 11, 2009


Those are hilarious.
posted by delmoi at 11:40 AM on December 11 [+] [!]


Yeah, a real riot.

I always appreciate a personal touch.
posted by The Whelk at 11:41 AM on December 11 [+] [!]


Whoa, this dude's horny!

Comcastic
posted by ob at 11:42 AM on December 11 [+] [!]


Look at me! I like to play with words!

Surprisingly funny.
posted by JeffK at 11:43 AM on December 11 [+] [!]


This guy is easily surprised.

Never would have thought to put these on a blog, but I've always wondered why Comcast's description writers were thinking.
posted by Mister Cheese at 11:46 AM on December 11 [+] [!]


Thanks for sharing.

Remember, it's all legal in Denmark. A thought for the ages.
posted by ob at 11:46 AM on December 11 [+] [!]


Indeed.

"Honey, if it's the Apocalypse, we're all in peril, okay?" Too good.
posted by Errant at 11:50 AM on December 11 [+] [!]


Can anything really be too good?

A popular fashion model/actress and her cute little dog are drugged, abducted, and wake up in someone's torture chamber. Her night pretty much goes downhill from there.

The use of the adverb "pretty much" in that description may well be a sign of genius.
posted by ob at 11:51 AM on December 11 [+] [!]


Adverb = genius. Got it.

Person writing synopses = very funny. Commentary on blog = not funny at all.
posted by josher71 at 11:55 AM on December 11 [5 favorites -] Favorite added! [!]


*head explodes*
posted by Atom Eyes at 1:12 PM on December 11, 2009 [14 favorites]


Funny descriptoins, but unfortunately I'm almost positive that these descriptions aren't provided by Comcast. I work at a cable company and the programming and corresponding metadata is given to us by the content provider.
posted by booticon at 1:14 PM on December 11, 2009


"They'll scare the shizzle out of you."

I actually, in real life, made this sound: GUH-HAAAAA-HAHAHAHAH. Now I'm kind of embarrassed, but not as embarrassed as I am to have actually seen that movie.


Same here. That is one of the worst movies ever made.

I hate Comcast a little less now.

But when the amount of hate is as vehement as mine is, it is only a minute amount in the scale of things.
posted by Big_B at 1:20 PM on December 11, 2009


Even the title of the blog isn't really appropriate. WTF Comcast makes me think Comcast made another stupid mistake, like charging me extra for using more of my 'unlimited' internet than the average user does.

Instead, this is Comcast (well, probably one dude at Comcast) doing something funny and great.
posted by graventy at 1:26 PM on December 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


Which makes me like FearNet a little bit more, despite their terrible lower third popups. FearNet movies are nearly unwatchable.

The popups don't bother me anywhere near as much as all the damn fullframe movies. I mean, it's kind of fun for like twenty seconds to imagine you're watching, say, Prince of Darkness as it would have appeared on VHS in 1989, but come on.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 1:49 PM on December 11, 2009


Funny descriptoins, but unfortunately I'm almost positive that these descriptions aren't provided by Comcast. I work at a cable company and the programming and corresponding metadata is given to us by the content provider.

These descriptions are in-house. Most of the Comcast guide data is licensed from TV Guide, which is true for a lot of guide data everywhere. For whatever reason, though, Comcast decided to do the On-Demand programming themselves. With hilarious results, obviously.
posted by god hates math at 1:54 PM on December 11, 2009


Metafilter: It's not as dirty as it sounds.
posted by cereselle at 2:02 PM on December 11, 2009


Discovery of creative Comcast PR flack behind blog in 3...2...1...
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 2:10 PM on December 11, 2009


I can't find mirth in any of these descriptions because I'm disturbed with how many of these movies I've seen. They also remind me of happier days when I still had FearNet on my cable service provider. Time Warner, not Comcast. This is seriously bumming me out. Fuck You Time Warner. And as for you FearNet, the least you could do iscome tell me this to my face I gotta hear my business out in the street like this? I gotta hear from the street you're running around with Comcast still? And you don't have any time for me? When you disappeared off of Time Warner I respected you and gave you your space, and this is how you play me? I thought we had something special. Fuck you too.
posted by kkokkodalk at 3:45 PM on December 11, 2009


Ok, so which one of you writes these?
posted by Mr. Anthropomorphism at 5:46 PM on December 11, 2009


Yeah I'm pretty sure this is not written by Comcast. I have a friend who worked on a certain show on FX as a writers' assistant and the only creative thing he got to contribute to the show was the description he wrote of an episode for the cable listing. So I'm pretty sure that whoever is writing these summaries is 1) Either just one person who's doing all of them or 2) Multiple people who have been instructed to write the summaries in this fashion.
posted by PostIronyIsNotaMyth at 6:28 PM on December 11, 2009


I mean, look at "I Know Who Killed" (...?): Lindsey Lohan as a one-legged stripper in a hospital?

"I Know Who Killed Me".

It's precisely ten times better than it sounds.
posted by cillit bang at 6:49 PM on December 11, 2009


Due to a quirk of Australian law, TV guide data is copyrighted. The TV networks & guide aggregator refused to provide guide data to PVR & DTV devices beyond that required in the DTV spec (now & next) and broadcast regulations, allegedly because of fears of ad-skipping (I dunno either…) and automated piracy (i.e. writing a script to record, strip ads, recompress, and upload to torrent sites). Even on network & tv guide websites, they went to much effort to prevent harvesting - javascript obfuscation, guide data displayed by overlaying multiple transparent .gifs containing fragments of characters, etc.

IceTV started up as an independent guide provider, selling access to a guide they claimed was derived from historical data, general knowledge, and publicly-available information. One of the networks, who just happened to have purchased the guide aggregator company a few months beforehand, took them to court over this. During the height of the court case, this resulted in IceTV programme descriptions such as:IceTV lost the court case…
posted by Pinback at 8:17 PM on December 11, 2009


I can barely read these. Who has their widescreen tv signal stretched out like that anymore? Is it 1995
posted by tehloki at 1:22 AM on December 12, 2009


Reminded me of this:

"Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again."

-- Rick Polito, Marin Independent Journal's TV listing for "The Wizard of Oz"
posted by mmoncur at 1:30 AM on December 12, 2009 [5 favorites]


Apparently 1000 Convicts was right on the nose. It's truncated from 1000 Convicts and a Woman. It's a 1970's exploitation film. The poster.
posted by mccarty.tim at 2:21 PM on December 12, 2009


« Older The papers of Edward Alleyn,...  |  Let's take a jaunt back, to th... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments