I went to the nursery to buy some garden gnomes for my pal Tom's birthday. You know, the kind with beards, smoking pipes and pushing little wheelbarrows. The lady said: "Gee, we don't sell many of these." I was too much of an asshole to just admit that I like them, so I said the gnomes were for the set of a play I was doing.
Later, I felt guilty for the lie so I rented a theater and put on a play, with the garden gnomes prominently displayed. Like a jerk, I forgot to invite the lady from the nursery. But it all paid off, because my play just won a Pulitzer Prize.
If there's one thing that really honks me off, it's the hopelessness and futility of the human condition.
If they can put a man on the moon, why can't they put a drinking fountain on the moon?
Here's some free advice: Never go on a blind date with a "dynamite lady."
GM: All of our inside jokes are fairly obvious, if you’re paying attention. We’ll slip in references to “golden showers” or “glory holes,” stupid things that are only there to make us laugh. We had a “chloroform” run for a while. We just thought chloroform was funny, so we tried to include it in as many episodes as possible. Somebody was always pulling out a rag soaked in chloroform and using it to render somebody unconscious for no good reason. We get these crazes every now and then. There was a period when we were obsessed with hobos. Specifically, hobos and their bindles. In the boxing episode, Homer was fighting a hobo who kept turning to check on his bindle. [Laughs] Stuff like that is basically about wasting the audience’s time for our own amusement.
BLVR: There’s a special place in my heart for the train-riding, spongebath-loving hobo from the “Tall Tales” episode.
GM: Oh, yeah! That one had my personal favorite internal gag that nobody outside of the show will ever see. At one point, the hobo is spinning a yarn, and Lisa interrupts with a story of her own. The hobo snaps, “Hey, who’s the hobo here?” And in the script, his dialogue note is “[ALL BUSINESS].” [Laughs] I love the idea that a hobo would be “all business.”
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