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September 3, 2010 10:41 AM   Subscribe

Duke Nukem Forever is fully playable and coming soon, says games developer Gearbox and publisher 2K Games. If you're at PAX, there's going to be demo stations on the floor.
posted by boo_radley (106 comments total) 9 users marked this as a favorite

One day, forty years from now, someone will ask you where you were when you heard the news. What will you tell them?
posted by 2bucksplus at 10:44 AM on September 3, 2010 [3 favorites]


That I was reading MetaFilter.
posted by grouse at 10:45 AM on September 3, 2010 [7 favorites]


omigod this is actually going to happen omigod
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 10:47 AM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


I was on comp.sys.ibm.pc.games.announce in 1997.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 10:47 AM on September 3, 2010 [9 favorites]


The Duke Nukem Forever List needs updating, I guess. I wonder if GameStop will still honor the preorders.
posted by jedicus at 10:47 AM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


"Space marine"? Hmmm.. I don't know what Duke is but it ain't a marine.
posted by pyrex at 10:48 AM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


I still don't believe it's going to happen, even if I hear it directly from Gabe and Tycho. I'll believe it when I'm playing it.
posted by MrBobaFett at 10:49 AM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


This is the universe in which Tinkerbell died because people were too busy believing Duke Nukem Forever will happen. I refuse to believe that this is anything but an elaborate hoax until I see it on shelves and, even then, I will continue to wonder if this is an eerie psychology research experiment carried too, too far.
posted by adipocere at 10:50 AM on September 3, 2010 [4 favorites]


So, for whatever date they actually announce as the release date, I think we can assume some type of armageddon event will happen the day before, right?

Thanks a lot, jerks, you just doomed the planet! Borderlands is still pretty fun though, so I guess I can forgive you.
posted by kmz at 10:50 AM on September 3, 2010 [2 favorites]


For the uninitiated, this game:
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 10:50 AM on September 3, 2010 [6 favorites]


It's time to play Duke Nukem Forever and chew bubble gum... and I'm all outta gum.
posted by rollbiz at 10:51 AM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


This is kind of disappointing. If the game is actually released, it will lose its mythic status. A game with "Forever" in the title that is perpetually being developed with never an actual release? Wonderful. I want developers toiling away in obscurity for decades and centuries, long after the name Duke Nukem even registers with any cultural cache.

Eventually, tall teletubby-like omega-humans who dutifully document our primative society will sift through the archeological remains and find Duke Nukem Forever, a disgusting epic reminiscent more of Henry Darger's "...What is known as the Realms of the Unreal..." than of any contemporaneous "video game." The understanding of how we lived, and the Xbox achievements they receive, will be monumental.
posted by haveanicesummer at 10:53 AM on September 3, 2010 [9 favorites]


I don't know what Duke is but it ain't a marine.

He's a duke. And he nukes 'em.
posted by DU at 10:53 AM on September 3, 2010


pyrex: ""Space marine"? Hmmm.. I don't know what Duke is but it ain't a marine."

Yeah. It's been a while. Did he even have a job description? Beyond "goofy 90s action hero" that is?
posted by brundlefly at 10:54 AM on September 3, 2010


I can see how a project can stretch out beyond recognition.

What I can't see is how anyone could think that any elements of this game, beyond the name of the character and some creative hallmarks, have survived from the beginning of development. If I started from scratch 12 months ago and today handed you a basic shooter clone and called it Duke Nukem Forever, would a "FINALLY IT'S HERE" rip out of your mouth?

Or, you could be like me and go, "Oh hey, they made another game with that character. Cool."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 10:55 AM on September 3, 2010 [4 favorites]


I watched the live stream of people who got the play the game at PAX just a little while ago. I absolutely love that the first thing you see in the game is Duke at the urinal. And even if it doesn't live up to the DECADE AND A HALF of waiting that they put us through, I will still buy this miserable game. Losing myself in an evening of shooting pigs got me through some very rough nights, way back when.
posted by Gator at 10:55 AM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


It's weird that we've spent so long fighting to get a sequel to a kind of mediocre series of juvenile gag games.
I mean I played them, back in the day, and I remember them... but not for their gameplay, that's for sure.
posted by Stagger Lee at 10:56 AM on September 3, 2010


One day, forty years from now, someone will ask you where you were when you heard the news. What will you tell them?

I was over it.
posted by shmegegge at 10:57 AM on September 3, 2010 [3 favorites]


By the way, the live stream is here. The camera people who were hanging around in the room watching people play the game decided they had to go out and cover some other parts of PAX, but they did say they'd come back to the DNF room at some point.
posted by Gator at 10:57 AM on September 3, 2010


Frankly, I would rather have Shadow Warrior Forever.
posted by brundlefly at 10:59 AM on September 3, 2010 [12 favorites]


It's weird that we've spent so long fighting to get a sequel to a kind of mediocre series of juvenile gag games and the only memorable thing about it is that they stole a bunch of lines from Bruce Campbell movies.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:59 AM on September 3, 2010 [3 favorites]


What I can't see is how anyone could think that any elements of this game, beyond the name of the character and some creative hallmarks, have survived from the beginning of development. If I started from scratch 12 months ago and today handed you a basic shooter clone and called it Duke Nukem Forever, would a "FINALLY IT'S HERE" rip out of your mouth?

In the videogame industry this is often exactly how it works. Games, like movies, are IP generally owned by conglomerates. Individual talent comes and goes. The bad part is the sequels are often radical departures, the good part is you can jump in on, say, Resident Evil 4 and not feel like you're missing anything.
posted by 2bucksplus at 10:59 AM on September 3, 2010


During the livestream before Randy Pitchford spoke, the host was interviewing a guy outside.

"Are you excited??"

"Are you kidding me?! I preordered this thing at BABBAGES!!"

"Now where are you going to preorder it?"

"Bit-Torr.... er, GameStop."
posted by AloneOssifer at 11:01 AM on September 3, 2010 [21 favorites]


2bucksplus: "One day, forty years from now, someone will ask you where you were when you heard the news. What will you tell them?"

That I'm still waiting for them to release it.
posted by Splunge at 11:02 AM on September 3, 2010 [6 favorites]


In bike racing I always used to remind people that DFL>DNF.
posted by Mister_A at 11:03 AM on September 3, 2010


k--i---llllll m---e----e----eee!
posted by notsnot at 11:04 AM on September 3, 2010


I keep trying to figure out what people feel they will get with this game. What is missing from today's gaming that you think a Duke game will provide? What about the old game do you still want produced for you?

I mean, aside from the misogyny and ripped off jokes, I remember trip mines, shrinking guns, freeze guns and fun multiplayer. I remember playing in a movie theater because games before then were all about running around vague arenas that had no bearing on real life architecture. these things are not new. they're not even old. they're methuselan, now. shut up, it's a word.

but this game is not going to do anything to revitalize my interest. Games are so much more than they were, and everything we know about the development of this game tells us that they spent way too much time on graphics engines and not enough on anything else. There were these hyped up stories about cinematic scenes on trains and whatnot. It's done now. If you say "cinematic" in a press release for a game, people groan. The entire vision for this game has been exceeded. There is nothing inherent to the duke franchise that is missing from the gaming landscape, including (unfortunately) the puerile humor. To assume that broussard just constantly came up with revolutionary gameplay for 12 years and had to keep starting from scratch because someone beat him to it is silly. the game would have been terrible. it will be terrible. its release will be worse for it than any vaporware status ever could have done.
posted by shmegegge at 11:07 AM on September 3, 2010 [2 favorites]


The game was almost finished a year or so ago when 3D Realms stopped working on it, I wonder if Gearbox is using those assets and code. They'd almost have to, at least they can ship something.
posted by hellojed at 11:08 AM on September 3, 2010


Randy Pitchford is speaking again, in the live stream. "It is absolutely coming in 2011," and that it's going to be available for PC, 360, and PS3. They're about to go back in the room to watch the gameplay again.
posted by Gator at 11:09 AM on September 3, 2010


Yahtzee reviews DNF.
posted by pwnguin at 11:12 AM on September 3, 2010 [5 favorites]


I was over it.

You can only be [however old you were in 1996] once.
posted by Joe Beese at 11:12 AM on September 3, 2010


This is kind of disappointing. If the game is actually released, it will lose its mythic status. A game with "Forever" in the title that is perpetually being developed with never an actual release? Wonderful. I want developers toiling away in obscurity for decades and centuries, long after the name Duke Nukem even registers with any cultural cache.

Eventually, tall teletubby-like omega-humans who dutifully document our primative society will sift through the archeological remains and find Duke Nukem Forever, a disgusting epic reminiscent more of Henry Darger's "...What is known as the Realms of the Unreal..." than of any contemporaneous "video game." The understanding of how we lived, and the Xbox achievements they receive, will be monumental.

But how do you know the upcoming release will be the *real* Duke Nuke'm Forever? I maintain it could only by the imposter Duke. We will have to wait for the real Duke to show himself and that game, well, it will be worth the wait.

Those tall teletubby-like omega-humans will discover during an ill-fated archaeological expedition to the barren wastes called 'North America," that the foundation of their beautiful religion, their music, their culture, the little chant they say before they sow themselves into their womb-hammock each night, was a crappy mid-90's computer game.
posted by ennui.bz at 11:14 AM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


crap, I didn't realize there was a deleted post & MeTa about this. Hurr.
posted by boo_radley at 11:15 AM on September 3, 2010


I am incredibly excited to see if they'll fail to deliver.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 11:17 AM on September 3, 2010


...will sift through the archeological remains and find Duke Nukem Forever, a disgusting epic reminiscent more of Henry Darger's "...What is known as the Realms of the Unreal..."

Holy shit, I would much rather play Henry Darger's Realms of the Unreal than what this will most likely be.
posted by EL-O-ESS at 11:21 AM on September 3, 2010 [4 favorites]


I would like Duke Nukem to forever remain a thing of the past, a half-forgotten relic of the 90's. The Build engine is a fine thing for its time, but Duke as a character- along with the content of the games- is the sort of thing carefully tailored to the tastes of 14 year olds, and I'd like to think we're in a place now where we can roll our eyes at the idiotic pandering and play something that has appeal beyond "HURR STRIPPERS".
posted by Pope Guilty at 11:23 AM on September 3, 2010 [4 favorites]


crap, I didn't realize there was a deleted post & MeTa about this. Hurr.

Well, cortex said, "when there's concrete news," and I'd say this qualifies. We're watching a room full of people actually playing the game, not sitting around watching a demo or a bunch of cutscenes, but actually playing. I don't plan to spend the whole day on it, but it's pretty cool.
posted by Gator at 11:25 AM on September 3, 2010


Pope Guilty: "I'd like to think we're in a place now where we can roll our eyes at the idiotic pandering and play something that has appeal beyond "HURR STRIPPERS"."

So we'll have to play DNF ironically, is what you're saying.

I was going to suggest you'd be taking something away from the 14 year olds of today by denying them their idiotic HURR STRIPPERS pandering, but then I remembered, hey, the internet is chock full of that to start with.
posted by boo_radley at 11:26 AM on September 3, 2010


Hey, those strippers were interactive. It was ground-breaking stuff.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 11:31 AM on September 3, 2010 [2 favorites]


I'm with haveanicesummer on this. I like the idea of DNF as a colossal videogame industry in-joke far more than I like the idea of playing a completed game.

First Team Fortress 2's mythical status was taken away from us, and now this. What will we make jokes about now?

A great part of gamer culture has died today.
posted by The Lurkers Support Me in Email at 11:32 AM on September 3, 2010 [3 favorites]



"Bit-Torr.... er, GameStop."

My favorite comment I've read online so far about the announcement has been from Kotaku:

"Dude, I've been waiting like 15 years to pirate this."
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 11:32 AM on September 3, 2010 [13 favorites]


I keep trying to figure out what people feel they will get with this game. What is missing from today's gaming that you think a Duke game will provide? What about the old game do you still want produced for you?

I think there's some empty space just this side of Serious Sam for an old-school FPS that's fast-paced, arcade, cartoonish, not at all tactical, but set in a caricature of realistic, modern-day, interactive, destructible environments. And something genuinely funny. The last FPS to consistently make me laugh was No One Lives Forever 2. (Although Half-Life 2 mod, Research & Development had me laughing with delight quite a bit, as well as having a few good jokes.)

(Scratch that, I forgot about Portal somehow. Still, genuinely funny FPS are pretty rare.)

But since they're developing it for consoles, it's unlikely to have the kind of hair-trigger spin-on-a-dime frantic-action gameplay that you could have if you were developing a game to be played with a mouse and keyboard. And who knows if Gearbox can do funny.
posted by straight at 11:34 AM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


First Team Fortress 2's mythical status was taken away from us

Yeah and all we got was was of the most entertaining games of all time that has been updated (including with new weapons, maps, gameplay modes and character features, entirely for free) 119 times. Horrifying.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 11:35 AM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


Honestly? I like it better as a myth.

I hope this kills Gearbox. I hope it gets delayed several years before they kick the bucket. I hope other studios attempt it and also fail, until it becomes almost an urban legend of video games.

"Oh man, do you remember Naughty Dog? They put out some great games. Whatever happened to them?"
"Oh, you didn't hear? They tried to make Duke Nukem Forever."
"Ohhh, shit dude!"
posted by graventy at 11:35 AM on September 3, 2010 [6 favorites]


Still, genuinely funny FPS are pretty rare.

There was very little genuinely funny in the first Duke 3D, why do you expect this to surpass that? It was Shadow Warrior/Redneck Rampage level of humor, only a bit less racist.
posted by graventy at 11:37 AM on September 3, 2010


Duke Nukem Forever should be the video game industry's "Hey, let's invade Russia!"
posted by haveanicesummer at 11:37 AM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


play something that has appeal beyond "HURR STRIPPERS

I have a hard time believing that anyone who thinks the only appeal of Duke3D was HURR STRIPPERS actually played the game. HURR STRIPPERS sure isn't what made the deathmatches super fun.
posted by straight at 11:38 AM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


XQUZYPHYR: "First Team Fortress 2's mythical status was taken away from us

Yeah and all we got was was of the most entertaining games of all time that has been updated (including with new weapons, maps, gameplay modes and character features, entirely for free) 119 times. Horrifying."

Oh, don't get me wrong, in TF2's case it was totally worth it. We still had DNF to poke fun at, after all.
posted by The Lurkers Support Me in Email at 11:38 AM on September 3, 2010


Time again to highlight EatTheWeak's amazing idea for this game from two years ago.
posted by Monster_Zero at 11:40 AM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


There was very little genuinely funny in the first Duke 3D

I think I'd settle for silly (which Duke3D certainly was), compared with all the super-serious, grimdark, badaß first-person-shooters on the shelves now.
posted by straight at 11:43 AM on September 3, 2010 [2 favorites]


And who knows if Gearbox can do funny.

The Zombie Island of Dr. Ned made me laugh out loud a few times.
posted by Uncle Ira at 11:44 AM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


I'll play this, I love puerile humor as much as sophisticated wit. But if we are talking shooter nostalgia what I really want is Tribes 3 , someone please make Tribes 3.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 11:46 AM on September 3, 2010


I've come to accept that I will never have a Starflight 3 moment like this.

But then I never thought there would be a DN:F moment like this either...
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 11:46 AM on September 3, 2010


I think I'd settle for silly (which Duke3D certainly was), compared with all the super-serious, grimdark, badaß first-person-shooters on the shelves now.

I wish people would say this while clamoring for another No One Lives Forever game. The silly is so much better when it's not centered around testosterone fueled misogyny, cheap movie line rip offs and peeing.
posted by shmegegge at 11:54 AM on September 3, 2010 [5 favorites]


I hope this kills Gearbox.

Hush. Borderlands deserves a sequel.

I wish people would say this while clamoring for another No One Lives Forever game.

Oh man, yeah. NOLF and NOLF 2 were just plain wonderful stuff. I'd love to see that franchise pick up where it left off.
posted by cortex at 11:56 AM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


Holy shit, I would much rather play Henry Darger's Realms of the Unreal than what this will most likely be.

except that having Henry Darger's Realms of the UnrealTM on your harddrive would probably be classified as possessing kiddie porn...
posted by ennui.bz at 11:59 AM on September 3, 2010


I think I'd settle for silly (which Duke3D certainly was), compared with all the super-serious, grimdark, badaß first-person-shooters on the shelves now.

I feel like if there was ever a franchise with both the gravitas of legacy and the comedic inclination to tear apart the modern Gears of War style testosteroney nonsense, it's Duke Nukem.
posted by kafziel at 11:59 AM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


I wish people would say this while clamoring for another No One Lives Forever game.

I would very happily trade DNF for another NOLF. Or, more realistically, couldn't we please get Monolith to trade F.E.A.R. 3 for NOLF 3?
posted by straight at 12:03 PM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


Were the people playing the game listening to Chinese Democracy?
posted by Joe Beese at 12:06 PM on September 3, 2010 [4 favorites]


The game is currently expected to ship in 2011, although given its history, Pitchford is understandably reluctant to be more specific.

Haha! I'll believe it when it's out.
posted by zephyr_words at 12:09 PM on September 3, 2010


All I know is that Brian Bosworth better be getting royalties from Duke's new look. There is some serious trade dress infringement otherwise.
posted by norm at 12:10 PM on September 3, 2010


Is No One Live Forever available anywhere?
posted by Pope Guilty at 12:13 PM on September 3, 2010


Also I hope Black Mesa comes out first.
posted by Pope Guilty at 12:13 PM on September 3, 2010 [2 favorites]


as far as gearbox is concerned, I look at it this way:

they are giving themselves less than a year, presumably, to finish up a game that is largely made. they are not trying to polish the turd, or make the game everyone wants to see - whatever that is. they are taking the almost done code, abandoning the "it must be the best thing ever" nonsense that caused the constant delays in the first place, and accepting a paycheck from take 2 to put something sellable on shelves. for this, I wish them no ill. fine. get it done. I just hope it's clear to everyone involved that the sales or quality of the game are not reflective of any talent or lack thereof on gearbox's part. Take 2 wants to salvage SOMETHING from the bath they've taken on this piece of shit. fine. gearbox is taking that paycheck from them and putting whatever work is required to get the current product out. fine. good for them. it's hard to get work in the industry right now.

gearbox are a bunch of talented dudes who do good work. I'm sure this game will work just fine, in terms of not crashing your machine. I'm also sure it will be terrible. the former will be to their credit and the latter will not be their fault.
posted by shmegegge at 12:15 PM on September 3, 2010 [4 favorites]


norm: All I know is that Brian Bosworth better be getting royalties from Duke's new look. There is some serious trade dress infringement otherwise.

I've always thought Duke shared a look with Brian Bosworth, but I may have been conflating them in my head, as it's a look I...um... appreciate. (Let's just say, Ivan Drago made me gay.)

I didn't know about that this version of the game had a Chinese Democracy anticipation/disappointment/repeat cycle, but I do agree that the fact that I think about Duke Nukem wistfully as a charming snippet of days gone by makes me think that I might be doing the same about Marilyn Manson someday.

Wait, I think I already do.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:21 PM on September 3, 2010


Ugh, this is really turning my sense of reality upside down. There have been three certain things in my life: Death, Taxes, and DNF being vaporware...

(related RPS article)
posted by samsara at 12:26 PM on September 3, 2010


If the game ships in 2011, I'll expect a movie based on it in 2012.
posted by fredludd at 12:26 PM on September 3, 2010


I too miss games that could laugh at themselves. At least the GTA games still manage to include plenty of silly while trying to frame the characters and their actions as serious.

By the way, anyone know where the Dopefish has gone?
posted by pyrex at 12:26 PM on September 3, 2010


Also, where the hell is HL2: Episode 3?! Yearly episodic content my arse.
posted by pyrex at 12:30 PM on September 3, 2010


In Valve's defense, they didn't specify which years. Ep. 3 will be released during a year, at least, rather than in some G-man-curated Xen-space corridor of untime, and for that we should all be thankful.

Also, watching the 2K live stream, I have to say that handheld camera shots of FPS games is at least a couple too many degrees of freedom. I just need someone to an iphone showing that streaming video at me wildly and I'll collapse from dizziness.
posted by cortex at 12:39 PM on September 3, 2010 [3 favorites]


Hey, Valve can take their time, as far as I'm concerned, they treat their developers like human beings.
posted by hellojed at 12:40 PM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


and the only memorable thing about it is that they stole a bunch of lines from Bruce Campbell movies.

I remember it being a mish-mash of Clint Eastwood, Bruce Campbell, Snake Pliskin, and John McClane.
posted by P.o.B. at 12:50 PM on September 3, 2010


Yeah, true enough. I don't see Valve delaying the final episode for 13 years because they want to copycat new stuff other developers came up with. AND they do love their storytelling, so it's not like they'd give us ep. 3 _after_ the inevitable Half Life 3. Guess I'm just a little antsy :-P
posted by pyrex at 12:51 PM on September 3, 2010


I wonder if I can sell Duke Nukem futures on Intrade, cause I need a new pair of shoes and I want to pay for them with nerd money.
posted by electroboy at 12:53 PM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


Is No One Live Forever available anywhere?

Amazon will sell you new or used copies in a box. You might also find it in a Sierra Action Pack.
posted by straight at 12:54 PM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


I remember it being a mish-mash of Clint Eastwood, Bruce Campbell, Snake Pliskin, and John McClane.

The list of duke lines I can remember are all direct quotes from Army of Darkness. I don't recall any from eastwood, Escape from New York or Die Hard. that could be my memory though.
posted by shmegegge at 1:04 PM on September 3, 2010


There's also plenty of torrents available for NOLF and NOLF2.

While I definitely concur in regards to a new NOLF, I'd also love to see another Shogo. Oh oh, and how about a new Blood?
posted by pyrex at 1:06 PM on September 3, 2010


I wonder if it will be more or less disappointing than Chinese Democracy.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 1:12 PM on September 3, 2010


It will be poop. Also, I imagine that it will also delay Colonial Marines which was scheduled for a Q1/Q2 release next year.
posted by longbaugh at 1:15 PM on September 3, 2010


Duke Nukem Forever Impressions: The King Is Back and He Needs to Take a Piss.
posted by shmegegge at 1:16 PM on September 3, 2010


That's nice about DNF, but did someone say NOLF3?

Oh, still nothing. :(

I love the tags on this post.
posted by asciident at 1:17 PM on September 3, 2010


Duke Nukem Forever should be the video game industry's "Hey, let's invade Russia!"


Duke Nukem Forever is the Higgs Boson of the Video Game Industry's Large Hadron Collider. Every code shop it touches, it destroys.
posted by CynicalKnight at 1:34 PM on September 3, 2010


I'm sure this game will work just fine, in terms of not crashing your machine.

As someone who got a launch day Borderlands on PC, I would not take this bet. I'm sure we'll eventually see ALL the discarded code as a half dozen DLCs. By that time, it will probably stop crashing.
posted by absalom at 1:41 PM on September 3, 2010


I've had a look, and I'm not impressed. I mean, you have to use your hands. That's like a baby's toy. (Hoverboards away disdainfully.)
posted by No-sword at 1:52 PM on September 3, 2010 [2 favorites]


It will be poop. Also, I imagine that it will also delay Colonial Marines which was scheduled for a Q1/Q2 release next year.

*shakes fist at the sky* NUUUUUUKEEEEMMMMMM!
posted by Pope Guilty at 1:56 PM on September 3, 2010


NO!!! This cannot be. It cannot happen. It's like something from Lost. Releasing Duke Nukem Forever will cause catastrophic undoings in the universe and in the fabric of space-time itself. This must be stopped!
posted by xmutex at 2:00 PM on September 3, 2010


All this talk of Duke 3D is making me nostalgic, but the grownup part of my brain wants to analyze it. Why did the game start on a rooftop? What was Duke doing there in the first place? What WAS Duke anyway, if he wasn't a space marine (I remember he was voiced by an LA DJ but I can't imagine Duke spinning plates)? Was Duke the only other human alive other than strippers and girls imprisoned in alien.. um.. growth?

Ok that's more than enough analysis.
posted by pyrex at 2:00 PM on September 3, 2010


Well, we did finally get Chinese Democracy, so anything's possible, I guess.
posted by Thorzdad at 2:23 PM on September 3, 2010


Why did the game start on a rooftop?
Some alien bastards shot up his ride.

What WAS Duke anyway, if he wasn't a space marine (I remember he was voiced by an LA DJ but I can't imagine Duke spinning plates)?
He was a disgruntled TV viewer.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 2:35 PM on September 3, 2010 [2 favorites]


pyrex: "What WAS Duke anyway"

This has come up a lot. Duke was a CIA operative. KNOW YOUR HISTORY, PEOPLE.
posted by boo_radley at 2:38 PM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


All this talk of Duke 3D is making me nostalgic, but the grownup part of my brain wants to analyze it. Why did the game start on a rooftop?

His spaceship was shot down on his way back from another mission (Duke 2?) and he parachuted out or something "Those bastards are gonna pay for shootin down my ride"
posted by Brainy at 2:39 PM on September 3, 2010


Quotations are also taken from John Carpenter's They Live (Chew bubblegum and kick ass; damn, you're ugly), which stars 'Rowdy' Roddy Piper. It stands with Carpenter's best work, and contains his GREATEST FIGHT SCENE.
posted by Cantdosleepy at 2:40 PM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


The list of duke lines I can remember are all direct quotes from Army of Darkness. I don't recall any...

I remember specifically 'yippee-ki-yay' and 'make my day' in there. I also remember the 'chew bubblegum and kick ass' line which is from They Live. Listening to this confirms that it was a pastiche of a bunch of action film lines. The tonality is definitely reminiscent of Eastwood Dirty Harry or Russel's Pliskin.
posted by P.o.B. at 2:43 PM on September 3, 2010


> Why did the game start on a rooftop?
Well look, we all know he was kidnapped by aliens in Duke Nukem II. So at the end of that saga, he is flying home in a stolen spaceship, which is then shot down over LA. He has to bail out and lands on a tall building. The game opens with you, as Duke, landing on your feet on the roof of the building as the ship goes down in flames in front of you.

> What was Duke doing there in the first place?
It is much to your horror to realize that the same aliens who kidnapped you have been taking over parts of LA, leaving it up to you to clean up the streets and kill the alien masterminds.

> What WAS Duke anyway, if he wasn't a space marine
Duke Nukem was originally just a normal everyday bad-ass, until he was hired by the CIA to kill Dr. Proton and his army of Techbots, who were threatening to enslave the Earth in the first Duke Nukem.

> Was Duke the only other human alive other than strippers and girls imprisoned in alien.. um.. growth?
Only women of child-bearing age were left alive by the alien invaders, who are revealed to be trying to use them to make a woman-queen to spawn their offspring. Of course it is widely understood that when unshackled by the pressures of normal human society, all women of child-bearing age quite naturally become strippers, which is how human women attract their mates.
posted by churl at 2:54 PM on September 3, 2010 [9 favorites]


Duke 2 was actually pretty good.
posted by Pope Guilty at 3:55 PM on September 3, 2010


I can tell you this will be at least as disappointing as Phantom Menace.
posted by humanfont at 4:08 PM on September 3, 2010


Not even close.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 5:34 PM on September 3, 2010


I wish people would say this while clamoring for another No One Lives Forever game. The silly is so much better when it's not centered around testosterone fueled misogyny, cheap movie line rip offs and peeing.

GOD YES. The Wired post about the reveal at PAX explained succinctly why I don't really want to play this game (I guess this counts as a spoiler for what might end up being the first level):
As the first level came to its touching denouement, the camera pulled back to reveal that the giant alien fight was really just Duke playing a copy of Duke Nukem Forever. While receiving oral sex. From two women at once.

“What about the game, Duke? Was it good?” asked one.

“Yeah,” Duke replied. “But after 12 fuckin’ years, it had better be.”
Finally, gaming will earn the legitimacy and recognition it deserves.

Seriously, I can't figure out why on earth someone would look forward to a sequel with bullshit like this in it, except for the same morbid curiosity that leads to people gawking at car crashes. Meanwhile, we will probably never get another Cate Archer game, and this makes me incredibly sad. NOLF2 is one of my favourite FPSes ever, and a sequel is near the top of my gaming comeback wishlist (alongside Homeworld 3, Freespace 3, Descent 4 and System Shock 3).
posted by chrominance at 6:46 PM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


In fact, I'd settle for NOLF1 and (especially) NOLF2 popping up on Good Old Games or Steam.
posted by chrominance at 6:48 PM on September 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


I can tell you this will be at least as disappointing as Phantom Menace.

I think DNF will be really, really disappointing (if it ever even comes out, which I'm not betting on), but not even an absolutely horrible DNF could compete with the utter crapfest that was Phantom Menace. I can't actually remember the night I watched it, as I'm pretty sure my brain has locked that memory away to protect me, but I think I may have even cried.
posted by menschlich at 9:06 PM on September 3, 2010


In Valve's defense, they didn't specify which years.

Actually, Valve announced Christmas 2007 as their release date for Episode 3.

Previously on Metafilter: Duke Nukems Death Notice
posted by WhackyparseThis at 5:39 AM on September 4, 2010


Y'know, I'm going to play it for the same reasons that I did back then:

Because a little bit of nostalgia once in a while is fun.

I cannot tell you how many $3.50 six-packs of Kirin Ichiban and bottles of MiniThins I consumed back then as my buddies and I would have these marathon Duke Nukem deathmatches.

Once in a while we'd take a break and play either Serious Sam (another one I loved) or Carmageddon.

I miss Carmageddon. Sheer violent asshattery. Much fun.
posted by Thistledown at 6:29 AM on September 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


Actually, Valve announced Christmas 2007 as their release date for Episode 3.

Clearly that was misinformation planted by a rogue AI bent on manipulating the human emotional markets for its own gain.
posted by cortex at 9:01 AM on September 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


I've never played No One Lives Forever, so can I just request Eidos Montreal hurry up on Thief 4 (supposedly being made) and that it be wonnnnnnnnnnnnderful?
posted by haveanicesummer at 9:44 AM on September 4, 2010


I can't currently articulate why Duke Nukem 3D was about much, much more than the childish humour. The best I can manage is that it's the antithesis of Halo, a game which bores me to tears.

Also, the original Blood is the most underrated game of all time.
posted by Quantum's Deadly Fist at 7:40 PM on September 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


I find it amusing that it's slated to come out right around the same time as Marvel vs. Capcom 3. That's all I have to add to the conversation.
posted by DoctorFedora at 11:19 PM on September 5, 2010


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