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Wild Goose Chase
November 1, 2010 11:45 AM   Subscribe

In Soviet Russia American South, wild goose chases YOU. (SLYT)
posted by Gator (65 comments total) 22 users marked this as a favorite

 
That is one crazy-ass goose.
posted by Perplexity at 11:47 AM on November 1, 2010 [2 favorites]


I must say I am impressed by this man's "snatch a goose out of the air by it's neck" skills.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:50 AM on November 1, 2010 [10 favorites]


"IT'S TRYING TO BITE ME!! WHY IS THERE A GOOSE IN OUR HOUSE, ALLIE??? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!"
posted by Rhaomi at 11:50 AM on November 1, 2010 [8 favorites]


If you want a vision of Alabama, imagine a guy chucking a goose out of a boat -- forever.
posted by theodolite at 11:51 AM on November 1, 2010 [33 favorites]


Mess with Canadians at your peril, rednecks.
posted by Turtles all the way down at 11:51 AM on November 1, 2010 [13 favorites]


OK, living in the American South + owning a boat + keeping a video camera around seems like some sort of recipe for viral internet magic.
posted by circular at 11:51 AM on November 1, 2010 [18 favorites]


I'm amazed by that guy's patience, the dog's too. I don't think I would have been as forgiving with the goose if it was my dog getting bitten repeatedly.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 11:53 AM on November 1, 2010


It takes some coordination to fight off a (crazy-ass) goose with one hand, recording the incident with the other hand while standing in a small boat. I couldn't have done it.
posted by greasy_skillet at 11:53 AM on November 1, 2010 [3 favorites]


Honk if you're horny.
posted by Mayor Curley at 11:56 AM on November 1, 2010 [1 favorite]


I guess the goose was probably defending a nest?

Anyway, I've always known that geese are mean-ass (crazy-ass too) creatures, and that antagonizing what is basically a miniature dinosaur is a bad idea.
posted by codacorolla at 12:02 PM on November 1, 2010 [4 favorites]


Did the bird leave something on that boat, like, I dunno.... a golden egg? He sure wants that boat back.
posted by dabitch at 12:07 PM on November 1, 2010


I want to hear the goose's side of the story.
posted by R. Mutt at 12:07 PM on November 1, 2010 [4 favorites]


*wipes tears of laughter

Enjoyed that. Thanks for the guffaws.
Glad the goose lived. Loved the patient, slightly forlorn look on Gaby, the dog's, face, especially after the goose had a beak full of her hair. Impressed how tenaciously the goose defended his/her turf but also savored the man's conversation with himself during the conflict. Good watching all around.
posted by nickyskye at 12:11 PM on November 1, 2010


That dog is an embarrassment. Sack up and defend my boat, Rover, or I'll sell you to Michael Vick.
posted by dgaicun at 12:12 PM on November 1, 2010 [2 favorites]


I love that final shot, with the goose in the distance, still coming after the boat. It's the terminator of waterfowl.
posted by exhilaration at 12:13 PM on November 1, 2010 [12 favorites]


City-folk can be attacked by large birds too! Take a walk down the Austin Hike and Bike Trail along Town Lake. On the south side of the trail, at the Hyatt, just past the Congress St. Bridge theres a crazy swan. He's always on the lawn up towards the hotel or in the bushes along the lake. He'll mostly ignore you, but if you decide take a picture of said swan or mockingly honk at him, be prepared to have your pants bitten and jabbed by a 2.5ft tall bird and not really knowing what to do and causing a bit of a scene.

Or so I've heard... I admit nothing.
posted by fontophilic at 12:18 PM on November 1, 2010 [1 favorite]


Impressed how tenaciously the goose defended his/her turf

I doubt it. I think the goose was just being a dick. It didn't attack the man, just the sad sack dog who clearly just wanted to mind his own business.
posted by dgaicun at 12:21 PM on November 1, 2010


Canadian geese are crazy (and some swans aren't much better). My hometown has a petting zoo, and generations of Sarnia children have gone through the rite of passage of being attacked and chased by geese there. When you're roughly the same height as the geese they go for your head, so it's extra fun.

I thought one of the Rules of Thumb in the animal kingdom was "Don't start a fight you might not win," but geese don't buy into that.
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:23 PM on November 1, 2010 [1 favorite]


>City-folk can be attacked by large birds too!

You're not kidding. Cambridge, Mass., had some wild turkeys that were out — how should I say? — strolling down the lane. Seriously. Jauntily.

I haven't been to Cambridge since. I'm worried they're still there, mingling with the crowd.
posted by SteelyDuran at 12:26 PM on November 1, 2010 [8 favorites]


The camera angle makes this look like an FPS; they could call it "Branta Canadenemesis".
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:29 PM on November 1, 2010


I just love the guy's amazing goose-neck-grabbing-skills at around 00:47.
posted by Evernix at 12:35 PM on November 1, 2010


GOOSE MEANS GREEDY.
posted by vrakatar at 12:37 PM on November 1, 2010


I grew up in northern New Jersey's sprawling mall district, where the Canada Goose population is legendary. They are, for the uninitiated, frightening motherfuckers. A adult Canada goose can have a 7 foot wingspan and after generations of growing and thriving in areas like landscaped malls and office parks where they're used to humans and cars, as well as been trained to believe that any scrap of food is inherently theirs, they are not the types that run away like pigeons. I have on more than one occasion seen someone trip because they ran at one, expecting an amusing flurry of feathers, only to go CLONK against a 20 pound ottoman that leaves green shit everywhere.

Best moments with them ever is probably a tie between the friends who made the mistake of offering one part of a bagel, and then got chased- Left 4 Dead style- by ten more to the point of having to get into their car and roll up the windows, and that one time at the Garden State Plaza when two of them flew into the middle of a parking lot entrance, starting honking at the line of cars that were now held at bay, and letting their geese babies safely cross the road to get to a drainage pipe by a stream.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 12:47 PM on November 1, 2010 [5 favorites]


Yeah, fuck geese. I'm not much scared of riding past feral dogs on my bike when a yelled "NO" and a swerve are enough to get through but geese? Just tuck down, pedal as fast as you possibly can and pray they don't attack. If you hit one and go down... good luck.

My brother was allegedly almost killed by his pet goose as a toddler, according to my parents. A good friend was attacked by a flock of domestic geese as a child and also barely survived.

"Miniature dinosaur[s]" is a good description. How did we end up in a position where entire cities are overrun by these monsters?
posted by ChrisHartley at 12:48 PM on November 1, 2010 [1 favorite]


Duck! DUCK, GOOSE!
posted by benzenedream at 12:48 PM on November 1, 2010 [2 favorites]


Thank you for this thread. Between the original video, the link from Rhaomi and the story from XQUZYPHYR I just got the first good laugh I've had in a long time. Without boring you with the details of all the stress I've been dealing with, please know that I NEEDED a good laugh and you guys came through wonderfully.
posted by ElDiabloConQueso at 1:07 PM on November 1, 2010


I've had many up close encounters with Canadian geese and they were always so mellow. Down here in Danville, Virginia the geese you want to watch out for are the feral domestic geese that hang out in the river along the walking trail. Big-ass honking bags of shitting obnoxiousness they are.

Also, that's one sorry-ass excuse for a guard dog.
posted by cropshy at 1:10 PM on November 1, 2010


There's a crazy-ass goose and there's a crazy ass-goose. Hyphens matter.
posted by pracowity at 1:16 PM on November 1, 2010 [1 favorite]


the friends who made the mistake of offering one part of a bagel, and then got chased- Left 4 Dead style- by ten more to the point of having to get into their car and roll up the windows

God, I want a video of this so bad it burns...

(It'd have to have some of the chase music from Jurassic Park though)
posted by quin at 1:27 PM on November 1, 2010


God, I want a video of this so bad it burns...

How about a video of me feeding Cheetos to feral domestic geese?
posted by cropshy at 1:31 PM on November 1, 2010


antagonizing what is basically a miniature dinosaur is a bad idea.

Yet take that angry little dino and put in a soya-honey mixture on low heat for 6 hours and you have not only the finest roast known to man but also a magical rendered substance that makes everything taste good.
posted by The Whelk at 1:56 PM on November 1, 2010 [5 favorites]


Geese, man. A friend of mine was walking near a pond when a goose ran up, stuck its beak in her pocket, pulled out a dollar bill and ate it before she could react. I swear it happened.
posted by Faint of Butt at 2:07 PM on November 1, 2010 [11 favorites]


Imagine if random animals just attacked us in everyday life. We aren't really that far from a terrible existence.
posted by smackfu at 2:15 PM on November 1, 2010 [3 favorites]


That goose would have lasted about two seconds with my dog (or me for that matter, especially if it's attacking my dog.)

When my brother was about 4, he was antagonizing our free-range rooster when it had had enough and attacked. It may have been the funniest thing I'd ever seen, my brother running and screaming as hard as he can up the hill, while a rooster is half-running, half-flying after him with it's spurs flying around. Thankfully my brother didn't get spurred but I'm pretty sure he still eats chicken out of spite for that rooster.
posted by schyler523 at 2:19 PM on November 1, 2010 [1 favorite]


Interspecies love. We ain't kiddin' mac.
posted by punkfloyd at 2:26 PM on November 1, 2010


Solution: This Christmas, cook a goose.

Mmm. Tasty goose.
posted by SteelyDuran at 2:32 PM on November 1, 2010 [1 favorite]


That's a well trained bird dog. She knows she's not supposed to go after live geese and after her person told her to get up there and sit, she did exactly that. She didn't even move when the goose came back after her, which is amazing. That guy has more patience than you would think, too - I kept expecting him just to wring the goose's neck and be done with it. I mean, who could blame him? Self defense goose dinner.
posted by mygothlaundry at 2:49 PM on November 1, 2010 [9 favorites]


Yep, she's a good doggy.

To be honest, I wasn't sure what was happening at the end there. I thought he'd grabbed the dino-goose, and with one hand firmy around its neck and one on the wheel, was tear-assing back to turn on the oven and make stuffing.

It wasn't until I saw the thing in the water and still giving chase that I became despondent, and if I may say so, a little peckish.
posted by SteelyDuran at 2:54 PM on November 1, 2010 [2 favorites]


Geese are evil. Beautifully so.

One of my fondest, most precious memories is of a taverna on the island of Chios, in the summer of 1996. The tables were outside, under trees and stars, under the open sky, as is the way of the Greek Islands. My ex-wife and I sat at one of these tables, dining on tzatziki, taramasalata, the freshest of fresh fish and the roughest of red wine. Skinny, feral cats roamed the area, begging for scraps, as they do. But, somewhat unusually, five or six geese waddled around amongst the tables, minding their own business and pecking idly at the ground.

And then the spoilt, jabbering, hyperactive brat of the revolting yuppie couple at the next table decided that taunting the geese would be a good idea. I believe he may even have been called "Toby", that's how inexcusable these people were. The brat started to stamp his tiny feet in an attempt to scare the birds. They looked at him with a goosey expression that said "What? Do you want some? Are you sure?"

Oh calamity. The brat seemed - probably because of his lack of years and experience - unconcerned by this. Regrettably (not really), his parents chose not to intervene. Toby decided to throw stones at the geese. I nudged my ex. I said "Watch this. This is going to be good." One of the stones found its mark. And with that, the targeted goose lowered its head, spread its wings wide, emitted that special, bowel-loosening half-hiss, half-screech that cannot be imagined by those who have never faced an enraged goose, and ran at the brat in a manner that positively screamed "I will not stop until you are dead, you little motherfucker".

The bird hadn't moved more than a yard before the kid's eyes widened in raw fear and he ran shrieking and crying to his parents. He leapt into the arms of his father, the goose drove its beak repeatedly into the father's arse, the child screamed so unrestrainedly that I just knew this experience was going to be nightmare fodder for at least three years and then a waiter , finally, came and grabbed the goose by the neck, carried it across the road and hurled it aside. He then had to deliver several firm kicks to dissuade it from returning to the fray.

The child was crying so hysterically that the parents had to pay up and leave. My ex and I were so happy. It was one of the most beautiful, precious, life-affirming experiences I have ever had. We went home that night and shagged like beasts.
posted by Decani at 3:10 PM on November 1, 2010 [57 favorites]


Imagine if random animals just attacked us in everyday life. We aren't really that far from a terrible existence.

I've been thinking about this a lot recently. It's amazing thinking about the different relationship that we have with animals compared to a few hundred years ago. A wild wolf wasn't a just spectacle of nature, it was also a very real threat.
posted by codacorolla at 3:19 PM on November 1, 2010


That poor sweet retriever! That is a forlorn, well-trained dog, and a good guy to take care of her so.

I haven't been south in a while, and I am beginning to get homesick for situations in which animals are addressed with many repetitions of "God dang it, git! G'awn!"
posted by Countess Elena at 4:40 PM on November 1, 2010 [1 favorite]


GENERAL TEMPLER'S CAPITOL IDEA


"I resisted a powerful temptation to kill the whole issue with a blunt statement that trials had demonstrated that Malayan geese were militarily inferior to Roman geese."
posted by clavdivs at 5:03 PM on November 1, 2010


This also works for Geese but you might need more time they are bigger/fattier
posted by The Whelk at 5:05 PM on November 1, 2010


Get go, goose.
posted by _aa_ at 5:07 PM on November 1, 2010


Owls Geese Are Assholes
posted by brundlefly at 5:23 PM on November 1, 2010


Once I had it by the neck I would have been very tempted to submerge it or wring it's neck. I am impressed by that man's restraint.
posted by Forktine at 5:44 PM on November 1, 2010


That's a well trained bird dog. She knows she's not supposed to go after live geese and after her person told her to get up there and sit, she did exactly that.

Seconding this. Good bird dogs don't attack birds. They're not even supposed to mark them when they pick them up.
posted by oneirodynia at 5:51 PM on November 1, 2010


The dog is really amazing, listening and obeying commands and not attacking despite the goose biting its butt. The dog is better trained then me cause I have a distinct memory of chasing after a goose who was chasing my baby brother, brandishing a stick and screaming "I'M THE TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN ASSHOLE!"
posted by The Whelk at 6:00 PM on November 1, 2010 [5 favorites]


You're not kidding. Cambridge, Mass., had some wild turkeys that were out — how should I say? — strolling down the lane. Seriously.

I am not sure whether they are the same flock, but I have been stalked by a flock of wild turkeys in Brookline. Those things are huge, and they are vicious, and they have no fear. Believe me, I felt especially justified in eating a huge turkey dinner that Thanksgiving.
posted by ubersturm at 6:03 PM on November 1, 2010


Where's Eric the Mad of Sweden when you need him?
[adversaria] Had Scotland known King Erik XIV Vasa was responsible for the death of their King, Scotland surely would have gone to war, something Mary may have prevented.
posted by unliteral at 6:09 PM on November 1, 2010


I was just explaining to a friend how vile geese were the other day, yet how tasty foie gras is. The key, I think, is that if tables were reversed, geese really would be happy to thrust feeding tubes down our throats.

Veal? Yeah, that's pretty fucked up. Poor little baby cow, it wouldn't hurt a fly. Geese? The only good goose is a dead (preferably roasted) goose. I remember in driver's ed (our school was across from a large, goose shit filled park) that the geese decided to put on a show of strength, and walked over to the driving course, and plopped down in front of the cars, leading to a complete standstill. The teacher had to get a broom to shoo them away, and they didn't go quietly. Evil, evil creatures. Tasty though.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:17 PM on November 1, 2010


My experience with geese is more like this.
posted by AElfwine Evenstar at 6:35 PM on November 1, 2010


Geese brains are just large enough to know how to fly and how to hate.
posted by chairface at 6:36 PM on November 1, 2010 [5 favorites]


Warning preceding video contains violence against geese.
posted by AElfwine Evenstar at 6:36 PM on November 1, 2010


I was going to say, if any geese ever attack my grand-children while they are handing out free popcorn, then that goose is the main course for dinner, except ten MEFI's have already said that same thing in different ways, we all think alike good dedicated MEFI's.
posted by tustinrick at 7:25 PM on November 1, 2010


>I love that final shot, with the goose in the distance, still coming after the boat. It's the terminator of waterfowl.

"That goose is out there! It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are out of its boat."

-- Kyle Geese
posted by Naberius at 7:48 PM on November 1, 2010 [3 favorites]


I once saw a goose take down a nun. Really.

Geese are fucking terrifying.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:42 PM on November 1, 2010 [2 favorites]


I once saw a goose take down a nun. Really.

Goose-on-penguin violence is a misunderstood but dire threat to those innocent, clown-like birds.
posted by sebastienbailard at 9:04 PM on November 1, 2010 [2 favorites]


I just had one of these for dinner. It was good, but a little tough, and they are hard to pluck so there wasn't much skin. The bag limits are pretty high, so I'd definitely like to get more of them.
posted by melissam at 9:34 PM on November 1, 2010


I've been attacked by a goose. I think everyone I know who's spent any time around them has been attacked by a goose. They're evil, stupid, delicious birds.

But, yeah, that's one well-trained (if put-upon) bird dog.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 9:58 PM on November 1, 2010


Dammit. Now I'm ravenous. Going out for barbecue duck.
posted by Ahab at 11:15 PM on November 1, 2010


Best of all is that I now know the geese (goosian?) for "Come on then".
posted by ciderwoman at 7:35 AM on November 2, 2010


Oh God what an excellent video. As pretty much everyone has said above, Canada geese are crazy unstoppable poo machines. I fully expected to see a neck-wringing, but that man had endless patience and great goose wrangling technique. I could never do that because after years of conditioning through terrifying visits to Insane Canada Goose Central, my brain just starts shrieking MUST RUN FAR AWAY NOW! when I see an enraged goose.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:21 PM on November 2, 2010


hurdy gurdy girl, that link is broken.
posted by brundlefly at 2:18 PM on November 2, 2010


Ack. Thanks for the heads up, brundlefly. This is what the link was supposed to be.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 3:25 PM on November 2, 2010


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