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"Don't come in, I'm... doing my utmost in the fight against cancer!"
November 5, 2010 2:26 AM   Subscribe


 
The protective effect was greatest while the men were in their 20s.

I knew my long years of loneliness weren't for nothing!
posted by Ghidorah at 2:27 AM on November 5, 2010 [6 favorites]


Good news for nerds everywhere!
posted by dibblda at 2:29 AM on November 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


I'm out, Jerry.
posted by Mikey-San at 2:44 AM on November 5, 2010 [12 favorites]


It's like, what can't masturbation do?
posted by carsonb at 2:47 AM on November 5, 2010 [23 favorites]


Thus explaining the astronomically low incidences of prostate cancer among 14 year old boys.
posted by billyfleetwood at 2:50 AM on November 5, 2010 [12 favorites]


Who's up for some "Ask me about my cancer prevention program" T-shirts?
posted by maxwelton at 2:52 AM on November 5, 2010 [22 favorites]


For fucks sake, what are you guys doing on MetaFilter when you could be saving your own lives!
posted by TedW at 2:58 AM on November 5, 2010 [9 favorites]


"flushing out"

Way to take the fun out of it.

I accept that sex with many different people increases your risk of STIs but if you're regularly ejaculating in, on, with the same partner that's fine, right?

Not that I don't masturbate whenever I get the opportunity anyway.
posted by doublehappy at 3:01 AM on November 5, 2010


A good friend of mine since late high school had some prostate issue that could have been cancerous in the long run, and pretty early on. We were scared for him when he was 20. His doctor's "prescription" was to "relieve pressure" at least once a day, one way or another. My friend is now a single dad with a couple of kids (ex-wife is deployed in the military), quite healthy, and has a great long-term prognosis.

His initial diagnosis was over 20 years ago. Hooray for the simplest treatment!
posted by lilywing13 at 3:08 AM on November 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


Is it because it's hard to smoke while masturbating?
posted by chavenet at 3:11 AM on November 5, 2010 [12 favorites]


For fucks sake, what are you guys doing on MetaFilter when you could be saving your own lives!

Some of us can multi-task.
posted by metaBugs at 3:16 AM on November 5, 2010 [12 favorites]


I am apparently destined to live forever.
posted by sonascope at 3:17 AM on November 5, 2010 [17 favorites]


Is it because it's hard to smoke while masturbating?

Hard to stay lit, certainly. Although perhaps we are both doing it wrong.
posted by sebastienbailard at 3:18 AM on November 5, 2010 [2 favorites]


For fucks sake, what are you guys doing on MetaFilter when you could be saving your own lives!

i can't be the only one doing both at the same time.
posted by fallacy of the beard at 3:18 AM on November 5, 2010 [3 favorites]


I can fap to this.
posted by crossoverman at 3:21 AM on November 5, 2010 [2 favorites]


For fucks sake, what are you guys doing on MetaFilter when you could be saving your own lives!

Fap it and move on.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:23 AM on November 5, 2010 [3 favorites]


Wait, I thought posting on MetaFilter was masturbation.
posted by Mikey-San at 3:32 AM on November 5, 2010 [6 favorites]


An article from 2003? Really? What has happened to your eyesight to make you overlook etc
posted by Hartster at 3:35 AM on November 5, 2010 [4 favorites]


Bad news for Christine O'Donnell is again good news for me.
Pardon me my brief but enthusiastic celebration.
posted by vapidave at 3:40 AM on November 5, 2010 [2 favorites]


don't worry Ted, I got another tab open...
posted by Redhush at 3:48 AM on November 5, 2010


Ceiling cat is giving you the Cancer Council "Ceil" of Approval.
posted by pracowity at 3:58 AM on November 5, 2010 [2 favorites]


This is old (note the linked BBC news article is over 7 years old). This is not a consistent finding, and I would say newer research which finds the exact opposite is more plausible.
posted by dgaicun at 4:00 AM on November 5, 2010


...note the linked BBC news article is over 7 years old...

I assume all the wankers commenting here are, also.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 4:05 AM on November 5, 2010


buzzkill
posted by caddis at 4:06 AM on November 5, 2010


and I would say newer research which finds the exact opposite is more plausible.

You want we should take seriously, in a thread about wanking, an article in the BJUI written (in part) by Richard Pocock and Artitaya Lophatananon?

You've just given me fresh material for another quick round of prevention.
posted by chavenet at 4:13 AM on November 5, 2010


previously
posted by XMLicious at 4:20 AM on November 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


I would say newer research which finds the exact opposite is more plausible.

You couldn't have told me that like 20 years ago? Damn. I went from feeling immortal to, well, preparing my will. Thanks for killing a good evening.
posted by Ghidorah at 4:35 AM on November 5, 2010


How can they be sure in this study? I mean, how are you going to find a control group? (AN HONEST CONTROL GROUP)
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 4:38 AM on November 5, 2010 [2 favorites]


Thank you god. Again.
posted by DZ-015 at 4:53 AM on November 5, 2010


Tissue!
posted by buzzman at 4:57 AM on November 5, 2010


Do I sense a Nob-bell Prize coming?
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:59 AM on November 5, 2010


The public education campaigns would have a ready stream of catchy slogans.

For example, "Help rub out cancer". Or in the UK, "Give cancer the toss"
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:09 AM on November 5, 2010 [2 favorites]


Only for dudes though. I guess as a lady, I'll just have to masturbate in solidarity.
posted by sonika at 5:25 AM on November 5, 2010 [5 favorites]


Metafilter: Fap it and move on.
posted by liza at 5:25 AM on November 5, 2010


For fucks sake, what are you guys doing on MetaFilter when you could be saving your own lives!

tybeng rebrys weth wan hand
posted by BrotherCaine at 5:35 AM on November 5, 2010 [2 favorites]


This is why I make it a point to regularly affirm my consequents.
posted by srboisvert at 5:53 AM on November 5, 2010


I'll be in my bunk.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 5:58 AM on November 5, 2010 [3 favorites]


Double.

We've known about this for years, right guys?
posted by Curious Artificer at 6:07 AM on November 5, 2010


Or you know, just have regular sex every day, like normal married couples.
What?
posted by Old'n'Busted at 6:17 AM on November 5, 2010 [2 favorites]


Men! Let's lend each other a hand and rub out cancer!
posted by The Whelk at 6:44 AM on November 5, 2010 [2 favorites]


But is it carcinogenic to swallow?
posted by nickyskye at 6:53 AM on November 5, 2010


I can neither confirm nor deny that this has or has not worked for me.
posted by tommasz at 6:55 AM on November 5, 2010


I have a porn prescription, which I conveniently refill online.
posted by orme at 7:02 AM on November 5, 2010 [2 favorites]


*Prophylaxes furiously*
posted by Hardcore Poser at 7:06 AM on November 5, 2010 [3 favorites]


"What are you doing in there?"

"CURING CANCER!"
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 7:23 AM on November 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


"Had we been able to remove ejaculations associated with sexual intercourse...

The brighter side of not getting laid from 1990 - 1993.
posted by Mister_A at 7:35 AM on November 5, 2010


.... a-a-a-a-a-nd I'm done.
posted by spoobnooble at 7:36 AM on November 5, 2010


Is it because it's hard to smoke while masturbating?

If you're smoking while masturbating then you need more lube.
posted by ODiV at 7:53 AM on November 5, 2010 [16 favorites]


Thank you Rosy
posted by ahimsakid at 7:55 AM on November 5, 2010


Only for dudes though.

Don't be so sure - I heard that the rate of prostate cancer among women who masturbate is actually close to zero.
posted by creeky at 8:07 AM on November 5, 2010 [9 favorites]


too blind; couldn't read.
posted by Kabanos at 8:14 AM on November 5, 2010 [3 favorites]


Duh.

Somebody already mentioned it, but very old news here.

It only confirms what everyone has known forever. You gotta clean your pipes. If you don't do it consciously, your body will do it anyway. And if it doesn't, you get sick.
posted by mrgrimm at 8:27 AM on November 5, 2010


I knew the "m" in Movember didn't really stand for "moustache".
posted by Decani at 9:07 AM on November 5, 2010


"I'm doing my part!"
"I'm doing my part!"
"We're all doing our part!"
posted by Trochanter at 9:12 AM on November 5, 2010


We're all pulling our part!
posted by The Whelk at 9:15 AM on November 5, 2010


The "This is a plausible theory" call-out box is gold. Just non-committal enough to be funny. Kind of a science "Meh, maybe."
posted by chairface at 10:13 AM on November 5, 2010


I mean, how are you going to find a control group?

They're the ones walking around snapping at everyone and holding books in front of their crotches.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 11:19 AM on November 5, 2010


It's apparently good for women too. (Though not sure I trust the science on this, it was the only thing I got from a quick Google.)

I also found the 2009 reference to the 180. "Nope, sorry, masturbation is bad for you."

Things I wasn't expecting to Google today.....
posted by SaharaRose at 12:11 PM on November 5, 2010


Way ahead of you.
posted by trondant at 1:47 PM on November 5, 2010


Well, it's a good thing Christine O'Donnell didn't get elected then.

Oh, and crossoverman: you really should have "...and here comes the science" as the link.
posted by Old'n'Busted at 5:10 PM on November 5, 2010


Metafilter: it's mastur... no! I can't do it! I HATE that meme!
posted by IAmBroom at 5:16 PM on November 5, 2010


Or you know, just have regular sex every day, like normal married couples.

Ahh, newlyweds...
posted by TedW at 5:40 PM on November 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


I recently had a prostate infection (very unpleasant & I'll never take peeing for granted again). Once it was pretty much back to normal, my doctor told me to ejaculate regularly. But not for 5 days before I have to get a PSA test.
posted by mike3k at 9:26 PM on November 5, 2010


We are a lonely horny people
And we are fapping, fapping for our lives

3x

Followed by We Shall Overcome
posted by dhartung at 9:35 PM on November 5, 2010


early work missed the protective effect of ejaculation. Prophylactic effect, surely?
posted by falcon at 1:40 AM on November 6, 2010


I recently had a prostate infection (very unpleasant & I'll never take peeing for granted again). Once it was pretty much back to normal, my doctor told me to ejaculate regularly. But not for 5 days before I have to get a PSA test.

Oh, hey, don't sweat it. Turns out some colleges aren't paying attention to that test anymore.

What?
posted by krinklyfig at 7:20 AM on November 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: I HATE that meme!
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 5:33 PM on November 8, 2010


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