Sarah Palin shoves them in a meat grinder head first while they're still alive. Duh. posted by The World Famous at 4:33 PM on November 24, 2010 [7 favorites]
Turkeys are so rude. posted by TwelveTwo at 4:40 PM on November 24, 2010
Obama, Pelosi and Reid cave yet again. First there was massive corporate handouts that decimated the middle class and lowered the United States to third world status. An imperial president that can murder US citizens at will, no end in sight to the institutionalized opression of gays. And now this, way to spit on your base Obama!
No, you do not have to click 21 times, you can the web page.
You can the web page. Jeez. posted by mr_roboto at 4:45 PM on November 24, 2010
The turkey gets a secret campaign contribution from a major corporation after lobbying for zoning laws to change in the company's favor. Then the turkey lays low for a while, pandering to its constituents, until someone connects the dots. The blog post on the subject gets loads of web traffic, but the MSM refuses to run the story because the publishers are all in the pocket of vested interests, and by the time it sees the light of day, another Thanksgiving has come and gone. Why do we keep letting this happen? posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 4:47 PM on November 24, 2010 [8 favorites]
Six words:
Farmer Barry's
Old Fashioned
Turkey Butter posted by Atom Eyes at 4:49 PM on November 24, 2010
HA HA THEN IT GETS ITS OWN SHOW ON FOX AND ITS DAUGHTER DOES A SAFE SEX AD WITH "THE SITUATION" HA posted by katillathehun at 4:49 PM on November 24, 2010 [8 favorites]
Haa! Finally a *good* reason for Ms Palin to be elected to the highest office of the land: Rose Garden Turkey Shoot! posted by sammyo at 5:15 PM on November 24, 2010
I see turkeys often enough, usually getting drunk (them, not me) on fermented apples in my yard. They look nothing like that overfed chicken. posted by pla at 5:30 PM on November 24, 2010
Today at work, me and my friend Andrew were discussing turducken, I suggested that to improve it, the turducken needed to be stuffed inside an ostritch, but the best name we could come up wit was 'turduckeno." posted by jonmc at 5:34 PM on November 24, 2010
This was really disappointing. The link to the REAL answer to the question was worth the thread, though. posted by stoneweaver at 5:41 PM on November 24, 2010
Why hasn't Obama fixed the fact that turkeys have gross flaps of flesh hanging from their faces? Bright red drops of cancerous flesh. It's because he's too ________.
Go ahead, fill it in. You already did, didn't you?
Ha-ha! posted by Splunge at 5:47 PM on November 24, 2010
The turkey Bush pardoned was lucky: scores of Texas convicts weren't. posted by homerica at 5:47 PM on November 24, 2010 [4 favorites]
MetaFilter: Does that actually count as a turkey? posted by Splunge at 5:48 PM on November 24, 2010
MaryDellamorte: "Torisaur, most people aren't much better looking"
Not until they jam pieces of metal through their faces. Then they are beautiful angels. posted by Splunge at 5:50 PM on November 24, 2010
Oh fuck that was a bad idea. I should have thought about it before I hit post. I am seriously sorry. Especially as an ugly fat guy with a lot of tattoos. posted by Splunge at 5:55 PM on November 24, 2010
Why hasn't Obama fixed the fact that turkeys have gross flaps of flesh hanging from their faces? Bright red drops of cancerous flesh. It's because he's tooMuslim. posted by Threeway Handshake at 5:55 PM on November 24, 2010
The annual tradition of pardoning Dick Cheney has to stop. posted by humanfont at 6:05 PM on November 24, 2010 [3 favorites]
"Frying Pan Park" sounds like the poultry equivalent of "Bovine University" to me. posted by Xoebe at 6:14 PM on November 24, 2010
"Oh fuck that was a bad idea. I should have thought about it before I hit post"
Splunge, what? I thought that was pretty funny, from like, out there, somewhere. I've done worse. posted by Xoebe at 6:17 PM on November 24, 2010
In the end? They die. posted by symbioid at 6:32 PM on November 24, 2010
The biggest turkey Obama pardoned was George Bush.
(I bet Jon Stewart did that one already.) posted by 7-7 at 6:40 PM on November 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
The deal seems to be larger birds' names first. So I think it'd be an "ostrurducken," which would also be a good name for a totally imaginary town in Austria if you need to bullshit one of those up on short notice. posted by nebulawindphone at 6:44 PM on November 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
...but if you want the pretty feathers or more variety in taste, you can always seek out a heritage breed. posted by Miko at 7:38 PM on November 24, 2010
So when did Obama say "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!" ? posted by oneswellfoop at 8:02 PM on November 24, 2010
On my way to becoming vegetarian, but gah, I can't eat ugly birds. All those close up pictures of turkey heads made my stomach churn. So no turkeys, no emus, certainly no, uh, Californian condors. posted by peripathetic at 8:44 PM on November 24, 2010
This picture made the entire thing worth it.
And I just successfully took away all of the arguing power this fantastic slideshow had to offer. Whoops. posted by MHPlost at 8:57 PM on November 24, 2010
I don't think whatever is behind the link can live up to the entertainment factor of the thread thus far, so I choose to not it. posted by The Lurkers Support Me in Email at 9:18 PM on November 24, 2010
From those pictures, it looks like the presidential pardon is a religious blessing. I always thought it was a signed document. Do turkeys get different pardons than humans? posted by yeolcoatl at 9:40 PM on November 24, 2010
From the actual answer page:
In and after 2005, the turkeys, with names like "Pumpkin and Pecan," "May and Flower" and "Marshmallow and Yamy", got a police escort and were flown (sometimes first class!) to Disneyland in California where they served as honorary grand marshals for Disneyland's Thanksgiving Day parade. After that, they spent the rest of their lives (which are often truncated as a result of their less-than-stellar factory farm origins) on Disneyland's Big Thunder Ranch.
That turkey has a better life than I do, so I'm playing mad libs.
In and after 2005, the 20-SOMETHINGS, with names like "YOUR NAME HERE," "MY NAME" and "Marshmallow and Yamy", got a GREAT ENTRY LEVEL JOB WITH A REASONABLE SALARY AND BENEFITS and were flown (sometimes first class!) to A HUGE WATERPARK WITH BARELY ANY LINES in California where they served as THE LEAST SOCIALLY AWKWARD PERSON WITH THE SLIMMEST STOMACH for THE REMAINING DECADES THAT IT MATTERED. After that, they spent the rest of their lives (which are often truncated as a result of their I DON'T KNOW, BLOGGING?) WISHING FIREFLY WOULD COME BACK TO TELEVISION. posted by greenland at 10:33 PM on November 24, 2010 [7 favorites]
Personally, I would have gone for "Why isn't he pardoning Leonard Peltier?"
The end slide is clearly written by an overly irritating cock. posted by jaduncan at 3:04 AM on November 25, 2010
As a Canadian, I really didn't realize the presidential turkey pardon was so involved! The original link didn't seem to work for me, but shii's did. posted by Calzephyr at 8:41 AM on November 25, 2010
So when did Obama say "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!" ?
God's own truth, as I was catching up my turkeys last saturday morning, the last three pushed open the door to the pen and took flight over the electric fence, out of the pasture, over the pumpkin patch, over the deer fence, settled comfortably about 40' up in the treeline a half mile away.
Heritage birds don't need pardoned. posted by stet at 9:12 AM on November 25, 2010 [1 favorite]
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posted by The World Famous at 4:33 PM on November 24, 2010 [7 favorites]