MetaFilter

Wait, I got it! She was sitting in a beanbag chair!
posted to MetaTalk by Kirk Grim at 12:29 PM on August 19, 2010

can women really femsplain anything?

I think this is a question we need to work to answer definitively. It has many forms: can black people be racist? Can poor people be classist? Etc.

The answer is yes. Anything that one person can be, ALL people can be. (Obviously excluding things you need unusual talent for -- not everyone can be a grand master at chess.) A big part of being non racist/sexist/homophobic/etc. is believing... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by grumblebee at 12:17 PM on August 19, 2010

There is not one man in my office who has ever worn anything to work that was short enough or tight enough that any interesting part of his anatomy was visible.

It's really not necessary. Really. There's a woman here where I work who leers at me when I (am forced to) visit her office -- every. time. I. enter. *looks at face, looks down the body, pauses at crotch, returns to face*

Being a guy, I found this flattering at first,... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Durn Bronzefist at 9:11 AM on August 19, 2010

I regularly hear one of these evo-psych explanations from women -- on the subject of looking for a mate with a certain income profile (I have had a lot of single female friends though most of them have for the moment paired up). The non-creepy explanation proferred is always the "good provider" -- even if there is no intention of having kids. Wait, not always. One was honest enough to say she wants to take nice vacations and not have to pay for both of them. That's not what I usually... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Durn Bronzefist at 9:00 AM on August 19, 2010

You are a writer, a game designer, with programming skills and an interest in art? You are a small game studio's dreeeeam. I am a video game producer. I love it when I get lucky enough to have someone like you on my team. Game dev can have soul suckingly long hours, but it depends on where you work. Memail me. I would be happy to help you out.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by pazazygeek at 6:37 PM on August 19, 2010

The bottom line remains that in a lightly moderated, open response system like this where inclusion is the default and there can't realistically be a serious attempt to insure that administrative coverage is around the clock

But there is active moderation, oversight, and occasional deletion of comments and sometimes entire threads by salaried staff acting as official representatives. IANAL, I am most definitely not your lawyer, but I am going to... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by meehawl at 3:32 PM on December 6, 2007

You'd have to be crazy to get mental healthcare advice from random internet people.
posted to MetaTalk by pompomtom at 6:58 PM on December 5, 2007

Thanks. I like you too, because of your like for me.
posted to MetaFilter Projects by a47danger at 9:58 AM on August 16, 2010

Is Metafilter really cool with "mainsplain"?.

I think it's pretty obnoxious personally, but as a single word unlikely to get a comment deleted in a thread with much worse offenders. I'd be happy if people stopped using it.
posted to MetaTalk by jessamyn at 7:56 AM on August 19, 2010

AskMe is not about how much you respect or disrespect the asker. It is about answering the question. Your personal distate is irrelevant. If you find yourself saying, "I would have answered one way if you had said X but instead answered this way because you said Y," I submit that you are doing it wrong.
posted to MetaTalk by proj at 6:46 AM on August 19, 2010

I have this priceless image in my head of Jess seeing this in the anonymous queue, going "Fuuuuuuuuu," taking a deep breath, approving the post and then sitting there perched over her keyboard in a WWII style tin helmet waiting for the incoming hate mortars to start landing around her mod trench.

Welcome to my yesterday. Just a heads up that these threads going badly [anonymous AskMe questions that are not worded so great about a touchy... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jessamyn at 6:39 AM on August 19, 2010

I've always disliked the tendency to make huge, unfounded assumptions about liability and legal issues in response to AskMe questions. This one was worse than most. I truly thought that the poster was being used as a straw-man for the first dozen posts from the truly outraged. The vitriol helped nothing.

"You better hope that wasn't HR or her lawyer she was calling." Really? Please get a grip.

No, he isn't going to be fired.... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Invoke at 6:21 AM on August 19, 2010

This post was a giant stage that enabled users to demonstrate their fiercely held convictions at the expense of actually being helpful. Many interpretations are hinging on the interpretation of the word "blatant" which could just mean "it wasn't possible that I could be seen as looking at anything else" or it could mean "drool was running down my chin and I was saying homina-homina-homina." We don't know without clarification, though that hasn't stopped hordes of... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by proj at 6:11 AM on August 19, 2010

I'm an American woman, I've been in situations like the lookee in the US and elsewhere. I care deeply about gender issues.

But I just can't get worked up about this. The guy did something stupid. He's just asking a question at a place where you're supposed to be able to ask questions.

It might just be me, but it seems that lately, unless a good portion of the membership shares experiences/identifies with the asker, the asker is in for a drubbing.
posted to MetaTalk by vincele at 5:41 AM on August 19, 2010

Yeah, I totally do not understand the level of animosity that's being directed at him. He knows he did something wrong, and he's looking for advice on how to make it right. What good does it do to pile up on him?

I don't think what he did (even though I believe it was rude) is "dangerous". I mean, unless you're living in an Islamic country, there's going to be shades of gray when it comes to stuff like this. And isn't the belief that if a man looks at a woman... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by cottonswab at 5:17 AM on August 19, 2010

OMG people. Reed. Asked and answered.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Put the kettle on at 6:58 PM on August 18, 2010

It's ironic, really. Seems like when some people aren't complaining about why something did get deleted, others seem to be complaining about why something didn't. What a tightrope we collectively make them walk.
posted to MetaTalk by crunchland at 7:56 PM on August 18, 2010

I honestly need a hug.
posted to MetaTalk by antgly at 4:59 PM on August 18, 2010

For sure, because language is handed down from on high and is never altered to account for usage trends.

What is considered proper usage is very seldom changed to account for incorrect usage. And this is one of those cases where it hasn't (by any editorial authority anywhere) and, I daresay, won't.

Seriously, folks. This is one of those cases where every single person who has chimed with with 'red/''redd'/'something that is not... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by ten pounds of inedita at 3:28 AM on May 30, 2008

(derail) I used to think it was spelled and pronounced "erad" (sic) because I only ever saw it written online by one person who always made the same typo (this was back in the BBS days). Oddly, nobody ever called me on this when I said "erad" out loud. Makes me wonder how much stupid stuff I say every day that goes uncommented-on...
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jewzilla at 9:01 PM on May 29, 2008

I'm a girl. I have, for some reason, always worked in very heavily male fields (first finance, then transportation planning) in which I have been vastly outnumbered by men in the office. I'm fairly conventionally attractive, and I have never had a guy look up my skirt or down my shirt at work. (Although I did once have a hapless boss accidentally fart on me). I'm not sure what I would do if it happened. However, I do know one thing--if I were sitting and talking to a guy and I noticed that he... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by millipede at 3:15 PM on August 18, 2010

[comment removed - if you've forgotten how AskMe works, please drop us a note and we can refresh your memory.]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:37 PM on August 18, 2010

If you're from a traditional culture--even from, say, more traditional corner of American culture--that demands that the man make a formal, surprise proposal, then all you can do is wait.

I'm not. I asked my husband myself. During the time that I was contemplating, and then gearing up for, proposing, I met a woman who sounds much like you, fairly traditional, who had been dating her SO for as long as I'd been dating mine (at that point, five years). They'd had many... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by PhoBWanKenobi at 2:45 PM on August 18, 2010

This isn't precisely on point, but it sounds to me like you're getting screwed. I hate to advise this, because it's long and messy, but you could potentially have a claim for wrongful termination, or at least be able to contest your firing for cause.

It sounds to me like your bosses wanted to fire you for reasons of their own--no one is enjoying the recession--but didn't want to have to pay your unemployment benefits. If an employer fires an employee... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by valkyryn at 11:32 AM on August 18, 2010

Sorry to hear this, this always sucks.

I had been given no prior warning.
This indicates to me that all the reasons they gave were total fiction. Politics, cost-cutting, the real reason could be anything, but at least know that it wasn't anything you did and those are just lame excuses they chose because they are so vague you can't really deny them.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by drjimmy11 at 11:25 AM on August 18, 2010

It's noon!
posted to MetaTalk by Alvy Ampersand at 10:29 AM on August 18, 2010

I wouldn't condemn her on this incident alone. People say horrible things during breakups. She's probably not really racist, she just reached for the most hurtful word she could think of to call her ex-girlfriend. But people don't like to admit to how mean they can be so now she's reaching for excuses to justify it.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Jacqueline at 10:36 PM on August 17, 2010

Dang, 7 minutes late with the "sixties song titles" suggestion.

I snost, I lost.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Aquaman at 10:16 PM on August 17, 2010

Have you tried listening to them... BACKWARDS???
posted to Ask MetaFilter by rdc at 10:44 PM on August 17, 2010

Question for dad: could he permanently change his own sexuality if he really wanted to?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by hermitosis at 9:21 PM on August 17, 2010

[On a minor note: PDF with embedded WMA file? Good god, who thought of this ridiculous, tortuous format? Did they let the dude pick the format himself? Also, does anybody know how to strip WMA files out of PDF files? I'm on Linux, and I have all the right codecs, but this one is sort of beyond me right now. I guess I'll look around the internet. A pity, 'cuz I'd like to hear this one.]
posted to MetaFilter by koeselitz at 8:58 PM on August 17, 2010

All this discussion about what xbeautychicx might ask next is getting quite creepy, even by Meta standards.
posted to MetaTalk by special-k at 9:27 PM on August 17, 2010

Also, no harm done zoomorphic but let's please not link to absent trainwreck former member's profiles.
posted to MetaTalk by cortex at 8:31 PM on August 17, 2010

... and Short Attention Sp, your user name never fails to amuse me every time I see it. Thanks for repeatedly brightening my day in that fashion.
posted to MetaTalk by FishBike at 6:27 PM on August 17, 2010

I like this question: "What do you like best about working for this company?" I'm interviewing the company as well as being interviewed. And sometimes, the answers are really surprising (like the time I talked with 3 people, and all 3 responded that they hated their jobs and the company).
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Houstonian at 6:40 PM on August 17, 2010

My old job had me conducting lots of interviews. At least weekly, sometimes daily.

- Not having questions is not interview death, IF you've been engaged during the interview process and there's been some back-and-forth dialogue. A lot of times successful candidates would say, "I did have some questions about X facet of the industry, but I think we covered it in the interview." Totally fine.

- "The list" is fine, as long as... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by charmcityblues at 6:37 PM on August 17, 2010

He has addressed this, he is home for the Summer, no access to university counseling center.

His profile indicates he's in Staten Island, which implies that he is a ferry ride away from a host of LGBTQ counseling and support resources.
posted to MetaTalk by The Straightener at 7:56 PM on August 17, 2010

I want first hand talk and sources possibly along with it.

You got a couple of excellent answers in your deleted askme, with sources.

Firsthand: I'm a lesbian, and I think I was born this way. I have known lots of other lesbians and gay men and bisexual people and heterosexual people who believe they were born that way, and others who don't think they were (at least, not in the way I think I was). I think we're all right.... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by rtha at 7:25 PM on August 17, 2010

Well, then. Calling yourself gay doesn't mean you're never allowed to change, or to be attracted to women. If this is who you are right now, you may as well put on the pink sweater and go for it.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by koeselitz at 12:05 PM on June 17, 2010

I don't see what's wrong with wanting to discuss things with the user base in the forum designated for that purpose. This isn't the Marines; we don't have to do things just because Cortex suggested them in a deletion reason.

I also don't see what's wrong with the question. When I first saw it I had a kneejerk inclination to flag it because of the user's posting history and the concomitant MetaTalk discussions but on reflection it seemed clear that this question was not... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by enn at 6:32 PM on August 17, 2010

This is all Lefty crap...Gays are gay because of Intelligent Design...same thing for lefthandedness.
posted to MetaFilter by Postroad at 8:08 AM on January 20, 2005

This may be one of those "teachable moments" people talk about, only strung out over time.

Her use of the word was repellent and unacceptable, and I believe you told her that. But I'd say hang in with the friendship, manifest nobler attitudes in your own behavior, set an example, calmly discuss stuff like this in an abstract not blaming manner, tell her again how it pains and angers you, and if she's a person of intelligence and goodwill, you may be surprised... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by fivesavagepalms at 5:36 PM on August 17, 2010

Posting under the influence is discouraged.
posted to MetaTalk by Electrius at 5:37 PM on August 17, 2010

A: Do you want butter or cheese?
B: No thanks.

But I suppose it's easier to get an article in the NYP if you are a complete bastard.
posted to MetaFilter by public at 6:54 AM on August 17, 2010

What the hell am I doing wrong?

Nothing. this is how its supposed to happen. 90% of intial things go wildly wrong and then 10% work out long term. 10% of those last a lifetime.

It ain't easy.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Ironmouth at 9:56 AM on August 17, 2010

Unfortunately, telling her she's being unreasonable probably isn't going to change her mind
posted to Ask MetaFilter by vitabellosi at 10:50 AM on August 17, 2010

Thanks for making the list unobnoxious! You rock!
posted to MetaFilter by phunniemee at 8:44 AM on August 17, 2010

I think that it is funny and I am enjoying reading them.
posted to MetaFilter by frobozz at 3:23 PM on August 16, 2010

The answer
posted to Ask MetaFilter by kanemano at 5:44 PM on August 16, 2010

Couples counseling for the win.

I find it odd that you use the word "furious" four times. Three times, it's capitalized FURIOUS and describing his reaction to you.

But the one time it's not capitalized, it's in his voice describing your reaction to him.

And then you're also describing times when you are "less than friendly," sometimes when... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Cool Papa Bell at 3:58 PM on August 16, 2010