MetaFilter

rode the dog back to Birmingham with a pint of George Dickel and two joints. It took forever. It was fine. I got some thinking done.
posted by BitterOldPunk

A long time ago, I took the Greyhound from Boston to San Francisco. The bus driver kicked someone off the bus at night in the middle of the desert for smoking pot in the bathroom.
posted to MetaTalk by StickyCarpet at 10:51 AM on August 7, 2010

One time I was riding a Greyhound (don't ask). Behind me was a young black guy. Talked on his phone a lot of the way, trying to sound real tough. Mostly it seemed to be talking with friends.

Then he gets a call and the conversation consists mostly of:

"Hey--HEY! DON'T FUCK AROUND WITH ME! I SAID DON'T FUCK AROUND WITH ME! BITCH YOU BEST NOT FUCK AROUND WITH ME!"
.... (other person talking)
"I SAID BITCH... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by resiny at 11:00 PM on August 6, 2010

Children need stability and, as you sound like you are unwilling to provide that, you should not contest giving the father sole custody and paying the maximum child and spousal support. I hope you figure out what you really need.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by saucysault at 10:29 AM on August 7, 2010

well, since you basically defrauded him and he's now financially responsible to the child you guys created (while swimming in false pretenses from you), i think you owe him the dignity of being free, at least, of your immediate company.

protect your child, but don't obtain one more cent above that for yourself. don't fight him on joint custody just to win some sort of petty argument at the end. don't fuck him over more than you already have.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by nadawi at 12:30 AM on August 7, 2010

Seconding DarlingBri and speaking as a divorced mom.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess what you think is going to happen: you'll feel tremendously relieved when you tell your husband that it's over (however you word it), and then you and this person you've been having an emotional affair with will be free to jump into a happy new relationship together. You'll have sole custody and you, the new one and your kid will all become the happy family unit you want. Your... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by dzaz at 4:08 AM on August 7, 2010

Don't tell your husband. It'll make you feel better but will make him feel terrible. He'll never forget it, and it will crush him. He might even tell your child someday. Then someday your child might say to you, "Mom, why did you marry Dad and have me if you never loved him?"

Also, did you really feel like you didn't love him before you met your 'friend'? I suspect the urgency is all about your friend, and not so much your husband.

I... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by bluedaisy at 10:30 PM on August 6, 2010

I think you don't need to say anything. He probably already knows. I think you should concentrate on acting as well as you possibly can towards him.

Having a small child means, to me, that you put your own feelings on the back burner, and act in the best interests of the child. That might mean that you feel bad, but can act well.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Ideefixe at 8:50 PM on August 6, 2010

It sounds like by taking a small step away from fidelity you showed yourself, concretely, that it is entirely your choice to pursue sexual relationships with other men or not. You know, for certain, that you can have a sexual relationship with someone other than your husband. It makes sense that, knowing this, you're thinking about all of the sexual possibilities around you. And if you're in that frame of mind--not just wanting something, but knowing... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Meg_Murry at 8:49 PM on August 6, 2010

Where did you get the idea that this actually is "upsetting to New York in general and 911 victim's families in particular"?
posted to MetaFilter by creasy boy at 3:41 AM on August 1, 2010

Ultimately this is not a question of rights, but a question of what is right. In our judgment, building an Islamic Center in the shadow of the World Trade Center will cause some victims more pain – unnecessarily – and that is not right.

I'm having trouble finding exact numbers, but plenty of Muslims (i.e. more than zero) died when the World Trade Center buildings collapsed. For some reason I have a feeling that this press release from the ADL is... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by one_bean at 3:03 AM on August 1, 2010

Don't need the Internet or doormat rebellion to use the two letter word called "No"
posted to MetaFilter by storybored at 1:01 PM on August 6, 2010

Still waters run deep. He's probably an observer. (or you know, shy).
posted to Ask MetaFilter by dabitch at 3:54 PM on August 6, 2010

"Alleged"...?

That's a very strange choice of words. Is there some doubt?
posted to MetaFilter by kbanas at 2:53 PM on August 6, 2010

I think it's good manners for a well-established group to be welcoming to an outsider, not the reverse. If your family meet your boyfriend for the first time, I'd expect your family to be the ones making small talk, trying to put him at his ease. Similarly, when two people meet I'd expect the older one, the more senior or experienced one, or the one on home turf to be the one making more of the effort.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by emilyw at 2:34 PM on August 5, 2010

Once I hit 30 the pressure of getting everything done in my 20s went away. Now I can happily just live the rest of my life with no arbitrary timelines in place. It's a much happier place, and I hope Mr. Deluding Himself will feel the same in time.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by fantasticninety at 3:12 PM on August 6, 2010

She proceeds to tell me (in a strangely serene and matter-of-fact manner) that while she and her husband have no plans on leaving each other, their marriage is far from being a real relationship. She explains that they have settled into a kind of formal relationship with each other, meaning specifically that they pretty much live together and support one another, but all of the sexual aspects of a real relationship are lacking. Evidently his sex drive is low and what drive he has is... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by limeonaire at 10:52 AM on July 4, 2008

Yeah, Facebook just entirely deleted my interests this morning. I guess I wasn't moving fast enough for them in transitioning to the new interests-linked-to-Pages system, as I'd been clicking away from the transition page for a few days—'cause I'd been too busy to go through and basically curate a collection of links to Pages for things I'm interested in and/or opt out by copy-pasting my interests over to another field. I had a lot of little things on there—quotes, lists, etc.—and I was trying... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by limeonaire at 11:27 AM on May 9, 2010

delmoi: some guys are going to be prudes, some guys will look down on women who give it up too easy

Hmmm. So women who don't fuck me are just prudes, or looking down on me because I'm a whore? Please.

Some men avoid casual sex for the same reasons women do: Because the benefits don't always outweigh the (often unknown) drawbacks. Is she a psycho? A tranny? Have herpes? Fulfilling her lifelong dream to become a single mother?... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by coolguymichael at 12:17 PM on August 6, 2010

More seriously, I wonder how many people realize that "Chubby Checker" is a play off of "Fats Domino".
posted to MetaTalk by lore at 12:54 PM on August 6, 2010

Yeah I also didn't realize the beatles had the word "beat" in it. So to get back at the world, every time I hear a rolling stone's song I look at the person closest to me and completely deadpan tell them that this is my favorite beatles song. People have a hilarious visceral reaction to that until they realize im joking.
posted to MetaTalk by pwally at 10:49 AM on August 6, 2010

If [129,864,880] is unique titles, only a small universe of those titles does anyone actually own and read.

Natch.

Look at the Pulitzer Prize winners for Fiction from the 1950s and earlier. In most cases, it has been decades since they've been of interest to anyone but book collectors specializing in Pulitzer winners. And those were supposed to be among the most important novels of their year. Behind each one were thousands... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Joe Beese at 8:07 AM on August 6, 2010

Agree that dancing in NYC is lame. So if you can't enjoy clubbing, don't worry about it. It's probably not you.

Also, dance nights are hit or miss in NYC. You could go one Saturday night and have a blast and the next Saturday have a really annoying time. So you can't always take people's word on "a great spot to go." It all really depends.

That said... Santos Party House can be a good dance party if you're willing to slog through a... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by functionequalsform at 12:13 PM on July 21, 2010

One could make a very good argument that People magazine feature high quality writing. There is a real craft to producing prose that sparkles with the latest pop culture touchstones but can still be read and understood by the average 5th grader.

To give a serious-ish answer to this, the big web players like Huffpo and the DB shoot for a middle ground where there's enough total fluff to bring in sufficient eyeballs to drive ad revenue to help pay their... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by The Straightener at 1:36 PM on August 5, 2010

I came across an ad on Craigslist that really grabbed my attention. It was from a dad with very little computer knowledge, hoping to set up a website so his daughter would one day Google herself and know about her real dad.

If he can figure out how to set up an add on Craigslist, he can surely figure out how to set up his own Blogger or LiveJournal account.

Step away from this...
posted to Ask MetaFilter by matty at 7:58 AM on August 6, 2010

I teach skiing, and sometimes young kids come along with their parents, so I get a good view of how parents treat girls and boys.

The differences I have noticed:

Often, a boy who falls over is given more opportunity to work out for himself what to do. People are more likely to wait for him to get up, to ask him to get up, to instruct him in how to get up, or to help partially (untangling the skis) but expect the boy to do most of the work. With... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by emilyw at 5:47 AM on August 6, 2010

Guys turn down sex all the time, especially when something seems weird. "Hey, let's have sex!" from someone whose name I barely know is kind of weird; "I just made margaritas, come over and help me drink them!" isn't weird at all and any dude with any experience at all knows that an invitation over plus drinks is, if not quite a guarantee of sex, at least a strong and happy signal of good things to come.

The "let's keep this casual"... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Forktine at 8:37 PM on August 5, 2010

The notion that "most guys won't turn down sex" is false. It has been my experience that there are plenty of men who feel uncomfortable with casual sex. There are plenty who are fine with it, too.

Whether or not it's a big deal that he lives across the hall from you will vary from person to person. Use whatever rule of thumb you might use for dating within the workplace.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by lover at 7:34 PM on August 5, 2010

What makes this different from that metafilter thread (I can't remember which) where that girl was saying she received roses anonymously for a year, and didn't find out for years that it was her best friend?

What makes it different is BANJO.

You started this thing by imagining she'd get an anonymous musical instrument and be confused and delighted, buy a banjo case, find a banjo instructor, take months of banjo classes, and... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by spinn at 3:50 PM on December 12, 2009

Does it diminish the creepy if it's not to an ex?

Diminishes, yes, but not to a level of uncreepy enough that it's okay to do.

It really seems to me, especially now, that you have some need to give a woman a banjo which means this is about you, not them. So whether it's creepy or not is one thing. Sometimes dramatically odd and arty gestures like this one succeed against all odds. However if you are unsure of social mores... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 3:50 PM on December 12, 2009

Extremely old slide projector. They:

1- Look awesome
2- Remind people of simpler times
3- Actually can be used for neat stuff, like projecting, or blinding people
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Damn That Television at 11:50 AM on December 10, 2009

doobiedoo: "I haven't looked into linkedin much because I work in very visual industry and I think most designers would want to have more control over their portfolio - either as another opportunity to show their creativity or to strip it back down to the bare essentials. I've not seen people put portfolios on their linkedin profile, whereas a lot of people I know have their own websites. Similar issues apply with facebook and twitter."

You... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by DarlingBri at 5:20 PM on August 5, 2010

This is... kind of offensively phrased.

That said, human beings have different levels of reserve and unreserve. Not everyone opens up to strangers easily.
Also, your language indicates some hostility, at least at the subterranean level. If he's picking that up it might not be helping him relax.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by L'Estrange Fruit at 10:31 AM on August 5, 2010

He's actually in his early twenties. Heh.

Thank you again everyone-- I feel much better equipped for this conversation after reading the responses here. And I'm actually hoping that we'll have a chance to really talk to each other about how we see the world, which can only be a good thing. Who knows, I might learn something.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jokeefe at 2:45 PM on August 5, 2010

See, this is what I've realized recently: News is cumulative, and it gets a lot more interesting only after you've been following it for several months. I'd recommend just scanning the headlines on Google News once daily for three months. That'll give you the background you need, after which you'll only need to scan the headlines every other day or two.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by limeonaire at 8:05 PM on June 18, 2008

I think grobstein and phrontist are on to something. In my extroverted moments, I don't have an inner dialogue, I just talk to people, in the same way that when driving my car, I don't consciously enumerate all the hazards and the road rules. At most I think "I'm going to talk to that person!" And then I do.

Interestingly in every field I know of, the ability to do things unconsciously and automatically in a state of flow is preceded by years of practise.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by i_am_joe's_spleen at 11:50 PM on August 19, 2008

Extrovert here. Grobstein's either wrong or joking. I score off the charts for extroversion but also have a fairly consistent ongoing inner monologue. Also, believe it or not, extroverts can get nervous or socially anxious, too.

But here's the thing - while most introverts feel drained by interaction, extroverts are actually energized by it. For instance, I can be feeling sort of bummed out and lethargic, but a few hours talking to people leaves me energized and upbeat.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by lunasol at 8:24 PM on August 19, 2008

grobstein. I'm fascinated by your response. I believe I am more extroverted than introverted, but I do believe I make some important conscious decisions. However, I also believe that many of the important decisions I have made, I made them without making them. Meaning, I just went. And I'm not saying that's a good thing. To relate this to anon's post: I have absolutely just walked across that room, no hesitation whatsoever. It would be like going to a neutral figure, an... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by punkbitch at 8:01 PM on August 19, 2008

Lady Gaga blah blah blah.
posted to MetaTalk by mazola at 12:37 PM on August 5, 2010

I always go with a variant of the Winston Churchill joke about prostitution.

Ask him what he would do if his house suddenly burst into flames.

"I'd call 911."

"So, you think some publicly funded, purely altruistic social services are good things. Now we're just negotiating which ones."
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Cool Papa Bell at 12:08 PM on August 5, 2010

doo waah diddy diddy dum diddy doo?
posted to MetaTalk by pointystick at 11:59 AM on August 5, 2010

As an American living in London, I concur with Jaltcoh.

That is, yes, there is something there - Americans are kind of renowned for their chattiness.

But, I also agree you are overgeneralizing. Heck, I sometimes work in a sales office filled with British guys and I often wish they'd shut up. :)
posted to Ask MetaFilter by vacapinta at 10:44 AM on August 5, 2010

I think in a loose sense the philosophy doesn't "resonate" with most people. There is a strict sense of self-reliance and the belief that The Market will take care of many of the previous issues that have been left up to government [like environmental protection stuff, social safety net stuff, food and health protections etc] which I think doesn't ring true for people who have, especially lately, become very very disillusioned with free market capitalism of late.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 3:00 PM on March 13, 2004

Objectivisits see themselves as individuals first and as members of a community last. Which really goes against how humans evolved, as tribal animals.

Sure, you could get by in this world totally on your own, not relying on anyone else for help, friendship, advice, etc. but would you really be happy? I know the answer for me is no. It's important for me to have a network of friends that depend on me and which I can depend on.

In a larger sense, I... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by bshort at 9:59 AM on March 13, 2004

I believe it's more important to be good to others than to be good to myself. I believe in kindness. And when I look at Objectivist texts honestly, critically, I see no room for these moral instincts of mine.

It is your responsibility to work and live for yourself and your own interests, and by doing so, help others to do the same.

In my experience, it's this "by doing so" bit that doesn't seem to work out for the world at large.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Marquis at 9:27 AM on March 13, 2004

Funny you should ask this. I am listening into a deposition by telephone right now in a case with about 12 attorneys. My first bit of advice is: don't do telephone depositions. But anyhow, this gives me the time to answer your question.

Cases are won or lost at the deposition stage.

So the key to taking depositions is to understand that fact and prepare accordingly. Know the case inside and out. Know what must be proved and how this witness... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by dios at 12:51 PM on July 11, 2007

I imagine the "Bible" is "The Effective Deposition," which is the book NITA gives you when you take the course. It is good.

As for little tips:

Tip 1:Depending on what you are looking for from the deponent, the extended pause after a deponent's answer can work nicely. Remember that - unless you are doing videotape - the only product of the deposition is the transcript, and pauses don't show up. It is a natural inclination... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by AgentRocket at 8:36 AM on July 9, 2007

Like actors, we present a manufactured self to the world

Like actors? We are actors. Not that I think Facebook can materially change this fact -- but if it could, it would be orders of magnitude more disruptive to the existing social order than, y'know, letting two dudes who live together get married.

Also, I know this is a lost cause, but meteors don't rise.
posted to MetaFilter by escabeche at 10:40 AM on August 5, 2010

No dictator in history has had so much control and surveillance over so many people.

Except that there is no control. Zuckerberg doesn't tell me what to eat, or shit, or anything.

Look, I don't know who these people are who are posting thier deepest darkest secrets are - but they aren't among the 400 or so in my friends list. And they all post pictures of their kids at the parade, lame, poorly framed... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 8:58 AM on August 5, 2010

I'd like to see a cigarette that incorporates a double-reed into the design. A Marlboroboe that makes a heinous shriek every time you inhale.
posted to MetaFilter by uncleozzy at 9:06 AM on August 5, 2010

The only question is whether Mark Zuckerberg turns out to be The Master, a Cyberman, or one of those humanoid Daleks.

Now if only there were some way to not post every detail of your life on Facebook, or to only post information that you wish to be made public. Or to have more personal conversations using some other medium.

Oh well, too late. I'm off to be assimilated. Toodles!
posted to MetaFilter by TheWhiteSkull at 8:44 AM on August 5, 2010