KENT BROCKMAN: The rocket foolishly soared too high, and lost control of its servo guidance mechanism, leaving us with some... (looking at his watch) six hours to live. (A screen behind him displays a countdown timer) So, let's go live now to the charred remains of the only bridge out of town with Arnie Pie and Arnie in the Sky!
ARNIE: With the bridge gone and the airport unfortunately on the other side of the bridge, a number of citizens are attempting to jump the gorge with their cars. It's a silent testament to the never-give-up and never-think-things-out spirit of our citizens.
KENT BROCKMAN: With our utter annihilation imminent, our federal government has snapped into action. We go live now via satellite to the floor of the United States congress.
SPEAKER: Then it is unanimous, we are going to approve the bill to evacuate the town of Springfield in the great state of--
CONGRESSMAN: Wait a second, I want to tack on a rider to that bill - $30 million of taxpayer money to support the perverted arts.
SPEAKER: All in favor of the amended Springfield-slash-pervert bill?
SPEAKER: Bill defeated.
KENT BROCKMAN: I've said it before and I'll say it again: democracy simply doesn't work. Now, over the years, a newsman learns a number of things that for one reason or another, he just cannot report. It doesn't seem to matter now, so... the following people are gay.
A list of names scroll up the screen very quickly.
MARGE: Turn it off!
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