THE EYE CAPTURES DOG PROTONS TO BE PROCESSED INTO POINTS
October 9, 2014 11:29 AM   Subscribe

 
RUINERS STOP RUINING
posted by poffin boffin at 11:35 AM on October 9, 2014 [5 favorites]


If ever there was a first world problem, getting angry about dogspotting would be it.
posted by greenhornet at 11:36 AM on October 9, 2014 [15 favorites]


this is exactly why we can't have nice things.
posted by DGStieber at 11:36 AM on October 9, 2014 [5 favorites]


This is hilarious, and I love it, I love it all, even the schisms.
posted by Sticherbeast at 11:41 AM on October 9, 2014 [17 favorites]


This is the most incredible thing I have ever seen in my life
posted by showbiz_liz at 11:42 AM on October 9, 2014 [9 favorites]


God, I love people sometimes.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:44 AM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


What Is Dogspotting and Why Are People So Angry About It?

¯\_(シ)_/¯
posted by octobersurprise at 11:45 AM on October 9, 2014 [37 favorites]


these people must be destroyed and the ground upon which they stand salted and burned

puppy ruiners shall be given no quarter
posted by poffin boffin at 11:45 AM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]


Oh my god. Has there ever been a human organization that hasn't been completely ruined by orthodoxy?
posted by bleep at 11:45 AM on October 9, 2014 [13 favorites]


Uhhh... what?
posted by ph00dz at 11:46 AM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]


I saw this pop up on SA's front page yesterday and assumed it was satirical fiction, in the same way I assume that Josh Boruff does not actually own a dysfunctional soup company in the late seventies.

(Wait, he doesn't, does he? I'm going to need to sit down.)
posted by Iridic at 11:48 AM on October 9, 2014 [10 favorites]


For some reason I read the thread title and saw "dog proteins" and frankly the idea of an eye that can suck the nutrients out of dogs is one whose time has come.
posted by selfnoise at 11:48 AM on October 9, 2014 [7 favorites]


People got too much goddamned time on their hands.
posted by stenseng at 11:48 AM on October 9, 2014 [7 favorites]


This is like an epic totally evil research project on social groups. I love it.

Do birders next.
posted by fshgrl at 11:49 AM on October 9, 2014 [16 favorites]


Good god almighty, what the hell did I just read?
posted by nzero at 11:50 AM on October 9, 2014 [7 favorites]


This ionizes the dog.
posted by Splunge at 11:51 AM on October 9, 2014 [4 favorites]


> Photographs are entirely optional, so as not to discriminate against those without cameras.

I am so going to win this.
posted by ardgedee at 11:51 AM on October 9, 2014 [7 favorites]


Beautiful. If there were an award for old-school prank-style trolls, Livestock would deserve a extra-large one, or perhaps just two stacked up.
posted by rifflesby at 11:52 AM on October 9, 2014 [3 favorites]


clicked on first link, picture came up, "terrific, someone is taking the poker-playing dogs for a walk!"
posted by bruce at 11:52 AM on October 9, 2014 [4 favorites]


This is like... imagine if you joined a knitting forum and used it for years and then suddenly one of the founders declared that it was only permissible to post things you knit using reclaimed pet hair.
posted by showbiz_liz at 11:53 AM on October 9, 2014 [7 favorites]


Dogsplaining is when your dog helpfully points out that he could eat if you feel like it and, in fact, wouldn't mind sharing what your having right now.
posted by shothotbot at 11:57 AM on October 9, 2014 [23 favorites]


imagine if you joined a knitting forum and used it for years and then suddenly one of the founders declared that it was only permissible to post things you knit using reclaimed pet hair.

And then people started conforming to those standards!

Are they playing along? Are they earnest? Its impossible to discern.
posted by fontophilic at 11:58 AM on October 9, 2014 [6 favorites]


It's possibly because this post comes right above something that has to do with PEANUTS, but this is reminding me of that story arc where all the kids get caught up in an Organized Snowman Building League one winter, and finally Charlie Brown builds a snowman all alone in his front yard in some kind of act of rebellion only to find that the other kids have all gotten bored with Snowman Team and are now all into hockey.

I just remember Sally being all bummed out because she was penalized for "improper mittens".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:58 AM on October 9, 2014 [17 favorites]


So does Poe's Law just apply to the whole internet now?
posted by strangely stunted trees at 12:00 PM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]


Sometimes I wonder if the most important human experience is the narcissism of small differences.
posted by maxsparber at 12:00 PM on October 9, 2014 [18 favorites]


Are they playing along? Are they earnest? Its impossible to discern.

It feels like the sort of thing you troll about with/play along for a while and then suddenly realize that you're doing it seriously and have an existential crisis.

tbh i feel like that is also maybe the origin story for a lot of the creepier bronies.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:00 PM on October 9, 2014 [20 favorites]


I read the post as "Dogpotting" which raises so many questions. How many points for potted dogs?
posted by qi at 12:01 PM on October 9, 2014


I am so going to win this.

I had this exact same thought until I came to the orthodox small dogs restriction. That plus my location puts me at a pretty severe disadvantage.
posted by carsonb at 12:02 PM on October 9, 2014


Beautiful. If there were an award for old-school prank-style trolls, Livestock would deserve a extra-large one, or perhaps just two stacked up.

Looks like he had an assist from Dr. David Thorpe, the grandmaster troll who exiled Pitbull to Alaska.
posted by Iridic at 12:03 PM on October 9, 2014 [9 favorites]


Jesus, this just takes all the fun out of /r/aww and /r/dogpictures and turns it into a type of fantasy football...
posted by Old'n'Busted at 12:04 PM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]


What a rollercoaster: from wat to huh to COOL CAN I JOIN to awh shucks to fuck that noise all within one short article
posted by litleozy at 12:04 PM on October 9, 2014 [6 favorites]


Hopefully there is a small but vocal sect railing about dog racism wrt the small breed exclusion.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:06 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


Up next: dog planking.
posted by GuyZero at 12:06 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


Meanwhile, the Catspotters group all just said "Eh?" and took a long nap in the sunlight streaming through a window.
posted by bondcliff at 12:08 PM on October 9, 2014 [15 favorites]


In 2006, John Savoia established the sport of Dogspotting [...] "The cute factor was never considered, especially since online cute culture didn't really exist."
What in heaven's name.
posted by pajamazon at 12:08 PM on October 9, 2014 [10 favorites]


Hopefully there is a small but vocal sect railing about dog racism wrt the small breed exclusion.

The problem is that small breed exclusionary radical dogspotters (SBERDs) have totally taken over the sport.
posted by The Bellman at 12:11 PM on October 9, 2014 [7 favorites]


None of the quoted participants sounds remotely in earnest.
posted by yoink at 12:11 PM on October 9, 2014


wat.

The production values in that Orthodoxy rule book are way higher than I would expect for this level of internet trolling. This is trolling right? With the anti-small dogism?
posted by sparklemotion at 12:11 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


Mornington Crescent
posted by fallingbadgers at 12:12 PM on October 9, 2014 [18 favorites]


Which just goes to show that setting up a stable governance system for any kind of hobby or game is way more difficult than many think. Without a strong system and a culture to defend it, it's only a matter of time before someone comes along and declares themselves El Presidente.
posted by ob1quixote at 12:14 PM on October 9, 2014 [3 favorites]


This morning at 8:54 I made fleeting but meaningful eye contact with a male Rhodesian Ridgeback lounging in the back of a 2004 Volvo Cross Country. Under the neo-Malthusian interpretation of the second consolidation of the Orthodox Dogspotting manual, the dog wins and I am now forced to sell my house.
posted by jimmythefish at 12:14 PM on October 9, 2014 [43 favorites]


Shouldn't small dogs be worth more points? They're harder to spot, after all.
posted by demiurge at 12:15 PM on October 9, 2014 [10 favorites]


Why is everybody mad about the cupsdogs?
posted by mullacc at 12:16 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


Is this the type of social battle that will split nation-states?
posted by filthy light thief at 12:16 PM on October 9, 2014 [8 favorites]


Couldn't they just paint their face like a zombie and say "I like dogs" and be done with it?
This all seems so very very complicated.
posted by John Kennedy Toole Box at 12:17 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


I keep hoping this entire article is nothing but satire but jesus, I can't even tell any more. WTF is wrong with humanity.
posted by caution live frogs at 12:17 PM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]


Glad to see that Something Awful is still able to stay relevant.
posted by Apocryphon at 12:22 PM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]


I started to read the article, and had to check the URL bar to make sure that this wasn't just another New York Times Style section troll.
posted by straw at 12:23 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


Are we certain this isn't a runaway game of Nomic?
posted by skymt at 12:24 PM on October 9, 2014 [9 favorites]


My husband and I held out against Facebook for years even though many family members urged us to join. Then we started a Facebook page for our dog because we did so many activities with her and took so many pictures. It has turned out to be surprisingly helpful because we have joined a number of Giant Schnauzer groups and we all trade information and questions about the breed. Plus now our scattered family members can keep up with us.

So not really about the FPP but we do post a lot of dog pictures-- dogs that we met during outings, dogs we play with, dogs at training class. Dogspotting is kind of our life these days.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 12:24 PM on October 9, 2014


Reading those orthodox rules made me think of reading over-the-top complex RPG rulebooks. Rules can suck the fun out of anything.
posted by jbickers at 12:25 PM on October 9, 2014


So you guys are like secular humanist or even unitarian dogspotters.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:25 PM on October 9, 2014 [3 favorites]


If you are offended by small breed exclusion, then play with like-minded friends to get the LOWEST score possible. It becomes mirrorverse dogspotting.
posted by Sticherbeast at 12:25 PM on October 9, 2014 [3 favorites]


jbickers, my eyes started to glaze over while reading the rules. I just can't. Why someone would want to is beyond me.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 12:27 PM on October 9, 2014


Rules can suck the fun out of anything.

Joke's on you, pal! I've got a +15 bonus to my save against fun-sucking!
posted by Sticherbeast at 12:28 PM on October 9, 2014 [6 favorites]


and then suddenly one of the founders declared that it was only permissible to post things you knit using reclaimed pet hair.

We prefer to call it chiengora.
posted by zippy at 12:29 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


This is amazing, I loved reading this, I love everyone involved. I hope we get a schism in the orthodox rules trying to return it it's original values as it's drifted too far from the original intent. Amazing!
posted by Carillon at 12:30 PM on October 9, 2014 [4 favorites]


From the Manual :
+1 EXTREME LOUNGING
A dog contorting its body into an unnatural position in order to break the traditional boundaries of laziness
I own a dog who has taken lounging to such competitive levels, that when you encounter him laying some place - in the sun on the deck, his cushion in his crate, under the covers of the bed, wherever - you have to believe he was poured into that spot. He is Zen. He Becomes One with the Surface. His body is so formless, so timeless and so completely at rest that the Universe rotates around him.

My dog has taught me many things. How to laugh. How to sit with intent ("I'M FUCKING SITTING! GIMME THE TREAT GODDAMN YOU! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!"). That all the blankets in the world won't keep your feet as warm at night as a Vizsla that loves to burrow.

But the most important thing he has ever tried to teach me: How to relax like that.

Fucking 1 point, my ass.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 12:31 PM on October 9, 2014 [31 favorites]


In 2006, John Savoia established the sport of Dogspotting

"The original vision — if you can call it that — for Dogspotting was the gamification of seeing dogs," Savoia told Mashable in an email. "The cute factor was never considered, especially since online cute culture didn't really exist."

Whatever the fuck "online cute culture" is, I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that it already existed, even way back in the infancy of the internet in 2006.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 12:33 PM on October 9, 2014 [3 favorites]


When I spot a dog I feel like that dog's only thought is "I'm a DOG! LOL"
posted by hellojed at 12:34 PM on October 9, 2014 [9 favorites]


My face is now the guy on the lower left corner of Action Comics #1.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:34 PM on October 9, 2014 [19 favorites]


This is amazing, I loved reading this, I love everyone involved. I hope we get a schism in the orthodox rules trying to return it it's original values as it's drifted too far from the original intent. Amazing!

I want "wandering bishops" of dogspotting, granting one another unearned titles with broken apostolic succession.

I want esoteric movements of dogspotting, which heretically scry into the hidden patterns underlying dogspotting.
posted by Sticherbeast at 12:36 PM on October 9, 2014 [14 favorites]


I'm with those who can't decide if this is real or not. It feels like an elaborate practical joke, and yet "+4 skeptical dog bonus" is hilarious and I love the idea of it.
posted by Monster_Zero at 12:37 PM on October 9, 2014 [5 favorites]


THE EYE CAPTURES DOG PROTONS TO BE PROCESSED INTO POINTS

Yeah. No. You don't want dog protons in your eye. First, you have to in some way disassociate the protons from the neutrons and electrons and then transport the protons into your eye. This is going to be extremely energetic - more Little Boy than "good boy!" - and will not do the dog, your eye or anything within a twenty kilometre radius much good.(Unless you're doing this in Cleveland, when it will, on the whole, improve matters.)

Another possible interpretation is by extracting something acidic from the dog, which will have hydrogen ions in solution, and squirting it into your eye. While considerably more practical and less cataclysmic than the first option, it still remains a remarkably unattractive option, at least to this writer.

Photons, now, we can work with.
posted by Devonian at 12:37 PM on October 9, 2014 [22 favorites]


I'd want to have my own set of house rules. Bonus points for corgis and dachshunds because they're cute. Tripod dogs get three extra points. Minus two points for every pair of intact testicles, because responsible dog owners spay and neuter. If you see a shiba inu, you must say "amaze" and finish your drink.

Once I saw a saluki sitting in a red convertible and from behind it looked like a person with flowing blonde hair. That should be like fifty points. But it doesn't beat the time I stayed at a hotel that was coincidentally hosting some sort of saluki show or convention or something, and there were people with salukis all over the halls and the lobby and parking lot. I'll never top that, so I have to retire from dogspotting before I've begun.
posted by Metroid Baby at 12:38 PM on October 9, 2014 [15 favorites]


The Saluki: If Kim Cattrall was a dog, she'd be a saluki.
posted by Sticherbeast at 12:41 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


This whole thing is some kind of honeypot for absolutely insufferable people, isn't it?
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 12:41 PM on October 9, 2014 [3 favorites]


Once I saw a saluki sitting in a red convertible and from behind it looked like a person with flowing blonde hair.

I have, at least a half dozen times, mistook a borzoi for an enormous majestic bird of prey.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:42 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


-50 for hegemonic oppression.
posted by corb at 12:42 PM on October 9, 2014 [4 favorites]


"Dogspotting will continue to be about seeing a dog and getting points for it. What else lies in store, only a fool would attempt to guess," he tells me. "Honestly, though, I'd love to go onEllen."

A poem for my afternoon
posted by Lesser Shrew at 12:42 PM on October 9, 2014 [4 favorites]


You guys, of course it's a prank. A HILARIOUS prank. But I can't tell how many of the Facebook responses are playing along and how many are truly outraged.
posted by showbiz_liz at 12:43 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


Oh, and nuts to that comment on online cute culture not being around in '06. Cute Overload started in 2005.
posted by Metroid Baby at 12:43 PM on October 9, 2014 [4 favorites]


It is not a sin to kill a Boruffian! It is the path to Heaven!

GOD WILLS IT!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:44 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


You guys, of course it's a prank. A HILARIOUS prank.

ok but for serious, this is exactly what I thought when people were like "well there are these guys who are angry that a pony show for little girls isnt making them feel welcome because they want to have sex with the ponies and they feel that their imaginary ponyfucking entitles them to minority group status and all related protections under the law"

and behold what madness they have wrought
posted by poffin boffin at 12:46 PM on October 9, 2014 [7 favorites]


"@carameldata a small dog is a dog and we should love all dogs hhhhhhhhhhh dogspotting has gotten so bad"

it's like watching the Titanic but with a garbage scow hitting a different garbage scow.
posted by boo_radley at 12:46 PM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]


... a war that is shaking the very foundation of the sport

You keep using that word...
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:47 PM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]


Is dyslexia self-diagnosable? I thought I was going to read an article about Dogspitting and I can't remember a 4-digit PIN code to save my life.
posted by phaedon at 12:48 PM on October 9, 2014


"well there are these guys who are angry that a pony show for little girls isnt making them feel welcome because they want to have sex with the ponies and they feel that their imaginary ponyfucking entitles them to minority group status and all related protections under the law"

Wait, the last part just registered. Really?
posted by corb at 12:52 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


Not directly related, but this picture of Harry Potter walking a gazillion dogs is just about the best goddamn thing.
posted by kmz at 12:55 PM on October 9, 2014 [15 favorites]



Wait, the last part just registered. Really?


THAT'S THE THING THO I just don't really know. I've seen the argument that some of them consider themselves an oppressed minority and anyone saying "hey maybe tone down the ponyfucking graphic fantasies and artwork in forums where little kids are present" to them should be considered hate crimes analogous to gaybashing &c but I CAN'T FUCKING TELL IF THEY'RE SERIOUS.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:59 PM on October 9, 2014 [3 favorites]


It's like some fever dream mashup of Best in Show and Kafka's A Hunger Artist.
posted by mosk at 1:02 PM on October 9, 2014 [6 favorites]


Once I saw a saluki sitting in a red convertible and from behind it looked like a person with flowing blonde hair. That should be like fifty points.

Saluki, Saluki, Saluki, that dog is hard to get
Saluki, Saluki, Saluki, but you can spot it yet
posted by ilana at 1:04 PM on October 9, 2014 [8 favorites]


wat
posted by PenDevil at 1:06 PM on October 9, 2014


More people need to say fewer things about more subjects.

That rule is applicable to just about anything these days.
posted by tommasz at 1:14 PM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]


Dogspotting was started by a small group of people who hoped to generate a kind of cover for themselves before they started their project to take photos of people failing to clean up after their dogs, and then put bounties on their heads.
posted by jamjam at 1:14 PM on October 9, 2014 [4 favorites]


You know what? It's not funny. Not a little bit. After reading his article at Something Awful I believe that Josh Boruff has intentionally ruined a good thing for pleasure.
posted by hat_eater at 1:16 PM on October 9, 2014 [5 favorites]


Oh good lord
posted by Hermione Granger at 1:17 PM on October 9, 2014


To be honest, it was obvious from the beginning that this sport would be susceptible to dogmatism.
posted by gilrain at 1:22 PM on October 9, 2014 [42 favorites]


These days, avoiding beaglelligerence is really ruff.
posted by Apocryphon at 1:25 PM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]


This is a 100% accurate allegory for the history of Christianity.
posted by edheil at 1:26 PM on October 9, 2014 [3 favorites]


Next thing you know they'll be getting labeled as terrierists.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:28 PM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]


(also known as godspotting)
posted by mrjohnmuller at 1:28 PM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]


FREE POINT SYSTEM : ORTHODOX :: NIGHT VALE : DESERT BLUFFS

Look at that logo -- it's an eye like the Night Vale logo but it's BRIGHT YELLOW like the YELLOW HELICOPTERS. This is like Night Vale under occupation by Strexcorp! Dogspotters need a revolution! Where's Tamika Flynn???
posted by edheil at 1:32 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


Right now the dogs are like "and they think we're the derp-y ones?"
posted by tonycpsu at 1:32 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


Ugh this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of.

What is the point of even playing that hippy-dippy politically correct "free point system"? Oh, look! We all win because of effort and creativity! Stanley Cups all around!

Feel-good rules are a sign of moral turpitude and inferiority, so I suppose I see why that might appeal to certain types, but you won't see me in one of those Free Point circlejerks.

That said, however, I would like to request a clarification. The Soviet space dogs were specifically chosen in part for their small size. Laika, in fact, was a distinctly cat-sized eleven pounds at the time of her death. This seems to conflict with the Honored Dogs rule, as Laika is specifically cited as a +100 Honored Dog, but the rules go on to say that small Honored Dogs carry a 200 point penalty.

Depending on the clarification, I may be forced to create a fork--Reform School Rules or something--because I'm not having anything to do with anything that besmirches the name and reputation of any space dog ever.

Fight me. I'll take you all on.
posted by ernielundquist at 1:33 PM on October 9, 2014 [22 favorites]


i nail my 99 squeaky toys to the door of this petsmart
posted by poffin boffin at 1:34 PM on October 9, 2014 [36 favorites]


Some people believe you should spot the dog from the little end but clearly Dog intended to be spotted from the big end.
posted by localroger at 1:39 PM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]


After reading his article at Something Awful I believe that Josh Boruff has intentionally ruined a good thing for pleasure.

I'm certainly deriving a lot of pleasure from it
posted by edeezy at 1:40 PM on October 9, 2014 [6 favorites]


#dogsbody
posted by charlie don't surf at 1:43 PM on October 9, 2014


I'm not going to read any of the comments in this thread because dogspotting lol.
posted by goatdog at 1:44 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


MetaFilter: a human organization that hasn't been completely ruined by orthodoxy?
posted by nickmark at 1:45 PM on October 9, 2014


Apologies if I missed this in the rule book, but what if I spot a dog but don't report it? Are the points still tallied?
posted by mullacc at 1:53 PM on October 9, 2014 [5 favorites]


This is a 100% accurate allegory for the history of Christianity.

See, I'm hoping we go farther down that road. Let this division fester for a while, then make a declaration on the Dual Nature of Dog Scores. Then we can form another splinter group, the Monoscorists, who believe it an insult to Dog to suggest that scoring has two natures. After a while we make a desperate effort to reunite the dogspotters by claiming that Dog Scores have two natures, but only a single Value. No one will really buy into this, and then we can start spinning off the really interesting heresies.
posted by echo target at 2:05 PM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]


The points exist because you spotted the dog. However, they "float" until the spot is reported. For instance, if a friend saw you spot the dog and reports your spot, they may claim the floating points. It's important to report a spot promptly if you suspect another player may have observed your spot.
posted by gilrain at 2:06 PM on October 9, 2014 [4 favorites]


Is this something I need a love of dogs/will to live to understand?
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 2:07 PM on October 9, 2014


Splunge: "This ionizes the dog."

Oddly enough while the Facebook rules say THE EYE CAPTURES DOG PROTONS TO BE PROCESSED INTO POINTS, the rules on SA refer to PHOTONS. A small schism in the community perhaps. Subatomically small.

Anyway this sounds like way more fun than Ingress.
posted by exogenous at 2:15 PM on October 9, 2014 [5 favorites]


Dogs are one of my favourite things to look at. I am intrigued by this - how do you say? - "dog spotting".
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:45 PM on October 9, 2014


Neat fact: a proton beam can simulate any frequency of light up to the individual particle energy. However, given the way that collisions and allowable access to energy states work, inelastic proton scattering allows observation of both those dogs visible to light AND THOSE WHICH ARE NOT. Dark-dogs, in states forbidden to light.

So, I look forward to applying the new orthodoxy to the Hounds of Tindalos, the sharp-angled ones.
posted by bonehead at 2:56 PM on October 9, 2014 [4 favorites]


This is like... imagine if you joined a knitting forum and used it for years and then suddenly one of the founders declared that it was only permissible to post things you knit using reclaimed pet hair.

The thing is, what this whole dogspotting controversy reminds me most of is some of the drama I remember seeing when I was more active on Ravelry.
posted by Sara C. at 2:56 PM on October 9, 2014


For instance, if a friend saw you spot the dog and reports your spot, they may claim the floating points.

What if I spotted a small dog and earned -2 points? Surely no self-interested player will want to claim negative floating points for themselves.
posted by mullacc at 2:57 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


Oh, and nuts to that comment on online cute culture not being around in '06. Cute Overload started in 2005.

2005 is also when my favorite dog blog started. No points, some commentary. Still going strong.
posted by rewil at 3:00 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


Dang, I had no idea this was a thing. Back in the days when I had a LiveJournal, I would post my Morning Doggie Count every day upon arriving to work, because I had an express bus commute that took me along Chicago's lakefront/parks so I always saw lots of dogs. (I'd link to it but my LJ is locked to friends-only and not worth changing all the entries back.) It was surprisingly hard to keep focused and not let your mind wander and lose count. I never had a point system, although I did allow myself a "doggies of note" field for especially great dogs. My record count was 46 dogs in one commute.

I would like to note that I was 31 years old when I was doing this.
posted by misskaz at 3:22 PM on October 9, 2014 [15 favorites]


This is amazing. I am reading this, and every paragraph makes me more but less convinced that it's a joke. I'm processing it as one does fiction, but I'm also not...
posted by destructive cactus at 3:42 PM on October 9, 2014


Splitters!
We once had our labs at a hotel where there was also a Newfoundland convention (so many huge cute doggies!) and we had 3 different Newfie owners tell us that the Labrador Retriever was "once known as the Lesser Newfoundland." Love that.
posted by Cocodrillo at 3:43 PM on October 9, 2014 [3 favorites]


OH my goodness, that explains Barkwire... a yelp-style site for spotting, and rating, the local dogs in an imaginary small town. Has recurring characters, long-running storylines, and romance and intrigue. Also, plenty of hilarious dog names!
posted by hap_hazard at 3:46 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


Pfft, Johnny-come-latelies, with their dogspotting controversy. Drainspotting's schism goes back to at least 2003.
posted by hades at 3:51 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


Johnny-come-Lassies?
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:00 PM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]


If this isn't the dumbest thing I've ever heard of, it's pretty high up on the list. Getting points for seeing random dogs? Getting angry about your dog-points?!
posted by sarcasticah at 4:01 PM on October 9, 2014


I dunno, all that stuff with gamergate was getting me down.
Now, gamergate is a real conflict with real things at stake. There are people getting hurt and there are people who think they can continue to hurt people. The whole thing makes me sad because I can't do too much about it.

Then I read this. And for a moment I'm whisked away to a world where this is the biggest conflict ever. This is the most serious thing humans have to fight about. We've solved sexism, racism, poverty, war, etc. The only thing left to solve is dogspotting rules.

*sigh*

If only.
posted by hot_monster at 4:03 PM on October 9, 2014 [3 favorites]


Thanks for ruining the moment...
posted by destructive cactus at 4:08 PM on October 9, 2014


I follow the teachings of the Icelandic reformer, Rolf Dogspóttir.
posted by prize bull octorok at 4:23 PM on October 9, 2014 [4 favorites]


GO Dog GO!

A dog party!
A big dog party!
Big dogs, little dogs,
Red dogs, blue dogs,
Yellow dogs, green dogs,
Black dogs and white dogs
are all at a dog party!
What a dog party!

Go, Dog. Go!

Hooray! I win.
posted by BlueHorse at 4:24 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


Guys, if you could start making a short post after you favorite, quoting the post in question and specifying under which rule you awarded the favorite, that would be great.
posted by murphy slaw at 4:30 PM on October 9, 2014 [18 favorites]


Guys, if you could start making a short post after you favorite, quoting the post in question and specifying under which rule you awarded the favorite, that would be great.

Favorited, because for a tenth of a second I thought this might have been written by a mod as our new protocol.
posted by BlueHorse at 4:38 PM on October 9, 2014 [4 favorites]


I propose an anarcho-dadaist third faction to wreak hovaoc through dogspotting, moving the overton window so that the Free Pointers look like sensible moderate centrists in the end.
posted by Navelgazer at 4:39 PM on October 9, 2014 [6 favorites]


I propose an anarcho-dadaist third faction to wreak hovaoc through dogspotting, moving the overton window so that the Free Pointers look like sensible moderate centrists in the end.

+500i for the infinite tablature of didactic chowder
+2 for the Blue Tick Hound. Those ears!
posted by murphy slaw at 4:43 PM on October 9, 2014 [7 favorites]


I propose an anarcho-dadaist third faction ...

(Silly Party)

... so that the Free Pointers look like sensible moderate centrists

(Sensible Party)
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:59 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


Guys, if you could start making a short post after you favorite, quoting the post in question and specifying under which rule you awarded the favorite, that would be great.

Tyrant! I refuse to make a post about favoriting your post!

oh, wait...
posted by Zimboe Metamonkey at 5:27 PM on October 9, 2014


This is the most absurd thing possible, and I claim my five pounds.
posted by Chrysostom at 8:15 PM on October 9, 2014




Getting points for seeing random dogs? Getting angry about your dog-points?!

I'm horrified by this.

My friends tease me about my inability to leave other people's dogs alone. I'm not content with just looking at them, I've got to go over and ask if I can pet them. And I let the dogs love all over me, because they make me happy. (If I am playing with other people's dogses, it's because I'm away from mine and I miss them terribly.)

We're supposed to be keeping score? And getting mad about it? Doesn't that totally defeat the purpose of dogses to begin with? The fuck is wrong with these people?

Stop keeping score. Collect your doggie kisses and lovinz and be HAPPY, FFS.
posted by MissySedai at 8:58 PM on October 9, 2014 [3 favorites]




MissySedai, please stop the dogpiling on. ;)
#savesavoia #freescoreforever #laikaneverforget
posted by misha at 9:11 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]


This is so weird, because the entire thing where you make bonuses and stuff like that seems just like playing 1000 Blank White Cards, except with dog pictures. The idea of turning something like that into an attempt to score points is just insane to me. Everything is made up; people! The points don't matter!
posted by NoraReed at 12:01 AM on October 10, 2014 [2 favorites]


Boruff is a great name to say in a dog voice.
posted by Richard Holden at 12:06 AM on October 10, 2014 [2 favorites]


The points don't matter! Dogspotting has destroyed another.

If the points don't matter, then what does? Where can we find meaning?
posted by Lesser Shrew at 4:54 AM on October 10, 2014 [1 favorite]


I love that this is real.
posted by graventy at 5:13 AM on October 10, 2014


...and turns it into a type of fantasy football...

... but with foul-tempered conformism substituted for beer and friendly trash talk.
posted by lodurr at 5:39 AM on October 10, 2014


SLoG: Then we started a Facebook page for our dog...

Right...but did you use the dog's REAL LEGAL NAME?
posted by lodurr at 5:42 AM on October 10, 2014 [2 favorites]


gilrain: The points exist because you spotted the dog. However, they "float" until the spot is reported. For instance, if a friend saw you spot the dog and reports your spot, they may claim the floating points. It's important to report a spot promptly if you suspect another player may have observed your spot.

This pretty much summarizes how I feel about the popular gloss on quantum theory.
posted by lodurr at 5:50 AM on October 10, 2014


I'm ruined now. This morning when I was biking to work, I spotted a dog and started to rate the spotting in my head.

For what it's worth, he would have been worth a ton of points. He was large and ad three legs and a wheelchair.
posted by tofu_crouton at 6:02 AM on October 10, 2014


I don't know, man. I feel like, this was all, like, bound to happen. Like, back in the Garden of Eden, and Adam's all, I name you dog, and then Eve's all like, but he's so cute, what's like his more specific name? And Adam looks at his old lady and is like, fine, Pomeranian. And Eve's like, what's his name name though? And Adam can't believe it, but he wants to keep things like harmonious, so he's like, how about Lord Flufferton of Adorable Manor? But then, Jehovah's like, I gotta make more of these? And Eve's like, yeah, but different. And so boom, there's more, and they keep coming, and Adam's trying to keep up, because the beasts of the field aren't going to name themselves, and don't even get him started on the birds of the air. And he's getting tired just looking at the backlog, so he's like, uh, Great Dane! Uh, Spitz! That's a Bulldog, and Jehovah's like you already used that one, and Adam goes FINE, American Bulldog then. It's like once you start with the naming, the points are just a matter of time. It's like it's built into the system. And that's why I wonder who's like giving us names, and points, and all that. Like, whose leash are we on, we just don't know it?

You know?
posted by mcdeeder at 6:26 AM on October 10, 2014 [10 favorites]


I had never heard of dogspotting, and I am so excited to start playing.

My husband and I already are obsessed with dogs. We point out each dog we see to each other. Usually, we include a judgment: "That's a great dog" or "Oh wow, now THAT dog is really great" or "Can you imagine a greater dog!?" (Fun fact: all dogs are great.) Dogspotting will give us a way to shape our dog-obsession into a nice format. Now we will get to watch whether the dog spots us back, to see if we or Dog get the points. We will get to consider whether it is an action dog or a lazy dog or some other sort of dog. We won't keep tallies or even track of the points, but now we'll know: there are points to be had in spotting a dog.

Not that we'll get involved in the Facebook group at all. That looks like a keg of drama. Too many rules just ruins it -- all I want to do is go out and spot some dogs.
posted by meese at 9:57 AM on October 10, 2014 [1 favorite]


I'm cautiously optimistic about the 2014 Dogspotting Reformation Summit
posted by naju at 12:48 PM on October 10, 2014 [2 favorites]


Oh, crap. I spotted a police dog today, which is a 50 point demerit, so I stole it so the "own dog" exemption would kick in.

I don't blame you loosy-goosey rule flouters for being intimidated. I'm going to win the fuck out of this.
posted by ernielundquist at 1:14 PM on October 10, 2014 [9 favorites]


the vibe i get from this is sort of like how a few disaffected young guys in the 80s thought the Church of the SubGenius was, you know, real.
posted by lodurr at 1:25 PM on October 10, 2014


reminder: dogspotting
posted by naju at 2:40 AM on October 11, 2014


🐶⬅️
posted by fallingbadgers at 11:13 AM on October 11, 2014 [4 favorites]


That's a small dog, though, so by Boruffian rules you are negative now, fallimgbadgers. Come join the glorious free range spotting revolution!

Of course, he's clearly spotted all of us, too, so looks like the dog sweeps the points no matter what.
posted by misha at 12:56 PM on October 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


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