Bunker mentality
November 17, 2014 10:22 AM   Subscribe

It's a trifecta! fear, loathing, and paranoia, meet Money. For those below the 1%, but above the 90%, a new kind of status symbol - long-term rentals for surviving the Apocalypse (but what if the Rapture comes while you're underground?). A chiropractor and a health care executive team up to offer pricey reassurance about the long odds.
posted by mmiddle (72 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
 
All of the new construction in my rapidly-gentrifying, dense urban neighborhood consists of 6-bedroom palaces built behind 20 foot brick walls. My boyfriend thought they were kind of cool until I reminded him that they're not actually building them because they're afraid of zombies...they're afraid of us.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 10:26 AM on November 17, 2014 [13 favorites]


"What if ISIS heard we only had four people out here and they came and surrounded us?" he says.

what if a godzilla sttacked what then
posted by The Whelk at 10:27 AM on November 17, 2014 [38 favorites]


Chances are that if the tenants ever needed their bunkers, they'll arrive to find them already occupied by someone more desperate or better armed than they are.
posted by anemone of the state at 10:29 AM on November 17, 2014 [11 favorites]


This was brilliant. I was in Switzerland years ago and they passed a law in the seventies that any new building had to have a nuclear bunker in it, even private homes. All those bunkers turned out to be great places for drinking sessions.
posted by colie at 10:31 AM on November 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


Suddenly I'm thinking of a moment from this interview I heard with Dan Radcliffe, where he said he found the Tom Lehrer song We Will All Go Together When We Go to be strangely comforting in its...universality.

There's probably some fascinating sociological research to be had here - how in the Cold War, the pop-culture post-apocalyptic vision was more collaborative, and way more about teams of people banding together to survive as a group; possibly this was because the thing that could have caused the apocalypse was so huge and staggeringly unsurvivable that you would welcome anyone alive and it was going to take all of us to defeat the Big Bad Monster. Today, the Pop Culture Boogeyman is much smaller, and so now it's all about walling up your house and isolating yourself and maybe a couple of other carefully-chosen others from the rest of the world.

I really want to know now what has changed between now and then.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:34 AM on November 17, 2014 [13 favorites]


People who are more afraid of apocalypse like situations and have a rigorous response to that fear in some way, but don't bother to take a defensive driving class/reduce their commute or watch their diets and belly fat, always amuse the living hell out of me.

It's called RISK and PROBABILITY, shitheads.
posted by barchan at 10:34 AM on November 17, 2014 [12 favorites]


Excellent! I was wondering where to start looting once everything goes down, but now I know where go look. Who says the news media is dead?!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:34 AM on November 17, 2014 [5 favorites]


Cold War home fallout shelters redux! There's a sucker born every minute...
posted by jim in austin at 10:41 AM on November 17, 2014


Is there restrictive covenants about who can lease these spaces because I wouldn't want to have to wait out the zombie apocalypse with some of those people nearby. I mean they might want to have their kids marry my kids when the plague dies down and we need to repopulate the earth.
posted by vuron at 10:42 AM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


Today, the Pop Culture Boogeyman is much smaller, and so now it's all about walling up your house and isolating yourself and maybe a couple of other carefully-chosen others from the rest of the world.

I really want to know now what has changed between now and then.


I don't know if the vision touted by pop culture has actually changed that much. Nowadays the apocalypse movies/shows still tend to focus on bands of survivors, trying to put down new roots, etc. However I guess I have seen an uptick in the plots where sometimes a group of survivors becomes toxic, brutal, worse-than-the-monsters. The narrative solution to that is never "surviving alone without a community is best," though.

I think what's changed is that the pop culture vision is now competing with what actual, existing dickheads think about the end of the world--something we only know about thanks to the Internet, but which certainly existed already. You just KNOW there was always that one guy in the 50s who was ready to shoot all his neighbors instead of letting them into his bomb shelter.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 10:43 AM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


Oh jesus this article is a treasure trove of unbelievable bullshit:

The superrich have such options as a "survival condo" built into a decommissioned missile silo, which can go for $4.5 million.

But what about the midlevel executives of the world?


Yes, the issue that $4.5 million survival condos raise is clearly not "remind me why we need to cut taxes, again?" but rather "but how can people with paltry six-figure salaries afford such necessities?"

But security after what the company refers to as an event is another story. The business provides one camouflaged parking spot for every leaseholder and enough four-wheelers with trailers to get all the residents to their new underground homes. The goal is that no one — no drones, marauders or invading armies — will notice the property or its contents.

One consequence of extreme economic inequality is banal decadence, which is exactly what this is. These people obviously have far more money than they know how to responsibly spend.
posted by clockzero at 10:43 AM on November 17, 2014 [4 favorites]


everything in life is better when experienced in a vault.
posted by The Whelk at 10:44 AM on November 17, 2014 [5 favorites]


Do they have granite countertops?
posted by thelonius at 10:46 AM on November 17, 2014 [5 favorites]


I don't know if the vision touted by pop culture has actually changed that much. Nowadays the apocalypse movies/shows still tend to focus on bands of survivors, trying to put down new roots, etc. However I guess I have seen an uptick in the plots where sometimes a group of survivors becomes toxic, brutal, worse-than-the-monsters. The narrative solution to that is never "surviving alone without a community is best," though.

I mis-spoke - I didn't mean to imply the narrative was "surviving without a community is best". More like, there was a shift from "an outsider coming to our community? Hmm, does he seem to be okay? Great, maybe he knows important stuff, let 'im in!" to "an outsider coming to our community? TO THE BARRICADES! Keep him out!"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:47 AM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


Healthcare executives and chiropractors; if that isn't a match made in hell I don't know what is. Both groups have harmed far more US citizens than ISIS and Ebola combined.
posted by TedW at 10:47 AM on November 17, 2014 [10 favorites]


It is not enough for me to have, others must also lack.
posted by overeducated_alligator at 10:48 AM on November 17, 2014 [9 favorites]


Honestly though what is the fun of an invasion, zombie apocalypse, rapture scenario if you aren't fighting off the hordes of mutant zombie bikers with makeshift weapons? Hiding out when instead you can become king of bartertown?
posted by vuron at 10:49 AM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


> "Do they have granite countertops?"

That would be kind of ironic, yes.
posted by kyrademon at 10:51 AM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


Kranski says he has room for 400 bunkers, but the business's goal is to get at least 100 in the ground. He declines to say how many bunkers the land currently houses, citing security concerns. "What if ISIS heard we only had four people out here and they came and surrounded us?" he says.

I can't tell if this guy is a great salesman who never drops the bit, or if he's dumber than a pile of bricks.
posted by codacorolla at 10:51 AM on November 17, 2014 [7 favorites]


6-bedroom palaces built behind 20 foot brick walls.

Bonus: after the econopocalypse, you can cosplay/LARP Game of Thrones with your neighbors!
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:51 AM on November 17, 2014 [3 favorites]


But security after what the company refers to as an event is another story. The business provides one camouflaged parking spot for every leaseholder and enough four-wheelers with trailers to get all the residents to their new underground homes. The goal is that no one — no drones, marauders or invading armies — will notice the property or its contents.

Won't a barren plot of land with a bunch of four-wheelers and trailers parked on it be kind of attention-getting? Or will the four-wheelers be driven off by disposable low-level employees. On the other hand, this whole scheme has sort of a B-ark feel to it.
posted by TedW at 10:53 AM on November 17, 2014 [5 favorites]


"It's hard for executives that live in a nicer neighborhood to prepare properly," company co-owner Kranski says. "Because that's the first place people would go to loot. Wouldn't you?""

Ooooooh, Warren Buffet staying in his same Omaha house all these years is actually an apocalypse survival strategy! THAT GUY IS SMART!

And no, I'd go loot the fucking hardware store like a normal survivalist. Why would I loot a mansion? I don't need fake stone and high end kitchen appliances.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:54 AM on November 17, 2014 [13 favorites]


Isn't the very fact that the people who own these think they're a nice long term earner as rentals basically proof that they're being disingenuous, they don't really think you need these, and they just want to take your money because you're stupid?
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:55 AM on November 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


I love the line about how it would be up to the bunker inhabitants to work either to hunt or guard the place.Yeah, like THAT is going to happen.

I wouldn't worry about these guys too much. If the apocalypse happens or civilization crumbles, they will die as well. They'll just have exchanged a fast death, for a slower death. Most likely at the hands of each other.
posted by happyroach at 10:58 AM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


My favorite is still silohome.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 10:58 AM on November 17, 2014


Apocalypse + $400 of food = still the apocalypse.

Honestly, you need to have a scenario model here. There's a disaster, but one that gives you enough time to get to the middle of nowhere to your bunker? What kind of disaster is that?

$400 of food is like 2-3 weeks of food, tops. After that what do you do? Either the disaster is over or you've gone from OK to fucked like everyone else when the food runs out.

What exactly are you being protected from by being underground? Nuclear fallout? Again, without some pretty serious long-term supplies, it's just a stalling tactic.

How would these have helped Manhattan residents from Sandy? Not much. How much would they have helped someone in Ottawa who lost electricity for two weeks to the ice storm a decade back? Not much. Invasion by China? Well, actually, yeah, maybe this would be a good place to sit out a land invasion by China.

OH WAIT THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.

People, you need to do better disaster modelling.
posted by GuyZero at 10:59 AM on November 17, 2014 [9 favorites]


People, you need to do better disaster modelling.

I was just about to find and link to discussions about When The Bough Breaks for an example of "the dangers of being overly-trusting of disaster modeling scenarios" except doing that would mean I'd have to watch that again and THAT FILM GIVES ME NIGHTMARES SO NO
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:02 AM on November 17, 2014


*studiously sharpening his pitchfork, glances up*

Soon, my precious.... Soon.

*resumes sharpening his pitchfork*
posted by entropicamericana at 11:02 AM on November 17, 2014 [5 favorites]


Yep. Just letting you bunker hunkerers know that when you emerge from your little hidey holes after we've rebuilt civilization from the ashes left by Mothra, we're not gonna be too pleased with y'all. Actually, to be frank, we're going to eat you and make your bones into musical instruments.
posted by gwint at 11:07 AM on November 17, 2014 [6 favorites]


We had this on here a while back: this underground silo bunker home complete with underground back-lit artificial garden, putting green, 'outdoor' swimming pool, Flintstones-inspired barbecue and full acid-70s interior was simply spellbinding.
posted by colie at 11:09 AM on November 17, 2014


everything in life is better when experienced in a vault.

Except, oddly enough, pole vaulting.
posted by Etrigan at 11:10 AM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


Well, it depends on who's pole it is.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:15 AM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


entropicamericana: "*studiously sharpening his pitchfork, glances up*

Soon, my precious.... Soon.

*resumes sharpening his pitchfork*
"

::loads gun::

Hmmm... I could use a good pitchfork.
posted by Splunge at 11:16 AM on November 17, 2014


"This is really an emotional purchase," Kranski says. "People want to be in a community. And they ask for the prime real estate."
Once again, reality imitates Philip K. Dick.
posted by Rangi at 11:16 AM on November 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


I really want to know now what has changed between now and then.

Some of the most memorable sci-fi stories about the post-apocalypse have been about communities -- e.g. Mormons (Folk of the Fringe) or monks (Canticle for Lebowitz). In many of these there's no question that the outside rabble is scratching at the door ready to tear down the established order.

I can't help but think some of the other pop fiction was influenced by westerns and WWII dramas, where it was always a small incorruptible god-fearing community against the bandits or the enemy.

One thing that has certainly changed is that we rely much more on our government and on corporations for life-critical goods and services and much less on bartering with and borrowing from each other. When's the last time you borrowed a cup of sugar from the neighbor? (ok, this is Metafilter, so I'm afraid to ask...)
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 11:20 AM on November 17, 2014


I guess this is sort of like me buying a lottery ticket. I don't do it often, but once it gets over several hundred million dollars I put down a few bucks for the chance to dream of winning. These things are nonsensical in any actual disaster, but it's nice to think you're doing something.
posted by codacorolla at 11:20 AM on November 17, 2014


I have to wonder if there's only one exit to those bunkers. Because with that flat open field, were'e looking at a sniper's dream set-up.

Some of the most memorable sci-fi stories about the post-apocalypse have been about communities --

Except this bunker proposal isn't even acommunity. Just a bunch of individual, paranoid selfish, individualist families. And what do you think will happen when the food, fuel or medicine starts to run out?
posted by happyroach at 11:33 AM on November 17, 2014


What exactly are you being protected from by being underground? Nuclear fallout? Again, without some pretty serious long-term supplies, it's just a stalling tactic.

Yeah, also, the location for this is given as somewhere within an hour of Richmond - which is a regional transport, medical, and government hub and is pretty much surrounded by high-value military targets, all of which would be likely to draw megatonnage in an actual nuclear war. Oh, and even if the "event" isn't World War III and your bunker doesn't end up under a sea of molten glass, we also have two fission plants within 50 miles, so you'd better hope that the ISIS ebola-zombies don't collapse civilization so quickly that there's not time to safely decommission them in a way that prevents radioisotopes getting into the food chain.
posted by strangely stunted trees at 11:34 AM on November 17, 2014 [4 favorites]


Some of the most memorable sci-fi stories about the post-apocalypse have been about communities -- e.g. Mormons (Folk of the Fringe) or monks (Canticle for Lebowitz). In many of these there's no question that the outside rabble is scratching at the door ready to tear down the established order.

Yes. If you really want to survive the next major apocalypse join the Mennonites or Hutterites or some group like that. These bunkers are just playing make-believe with a bigger price tag.
posted by GuyZero at 11:36 AM on November 17, 2014 [6 favorites]


Yes, the issue that $4.5 million survival condos raise is clearly not "remind me why we need to cut taxes, again?" but rather "but how can people with paltry six-figure salaries afford such necessities?"

As Žižek once said, it's easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of capitalism.
posted by clarknova at 11:37 AM on November 17, 2014 [12 favorites]


If you really want to survive the next major apocalypse don't be sharpening your pitchfork, either... much like a fire axe, you don't want it getting stuck in... stuff.
posted by mr. digits at 11:39 AM on November 17, 2014


Happyroach: the comment about communities was in response to my own tangent, which was itself inspired by the very thing you've picked up on, which is that this seems like a way more insular way of doing things than I've seen before.

And speaking of that tangent:

Some of the most memorable sci-fi stories about the post-apocalypse have been about communities -- e.g. Mormons (Folk of the Fringe) or monks (Canticle for Lebowitz). In many of these there's no question that the outside rabble is scratching at the door ready to tear down the established order.

Yeah, I know; I can't exactly put my finger on why I feel like something's changed, but it has. The only example I can point to is The Stand, in which anyone you met after the big die-off from the Superflu had a 50/50 chance of being in league with Randall Flagg - but still, with nearly all the characters, almost all the survivors' reaction when they see someone finally is "omigod yay another person lemme come talk to you!" instead of "omigod eek another person lemme hide".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:39 AM on November 17, 2014


I don't think an underground vault would be the best place to be for any disaster involving flooding, especially not an underground vault near a stream. Might not be such a good place to go in an earthquake, either.

Not to mention that you're safer in a lot of disasters if you stay home than if you try to go out (e.g., a tornado), or that roads tend to become impassable in many kinds of disasters (such as earthquakes, hurricanes, and floods). How are they planning to get to these bunkers?

What are their plans for getting drinkable water and taking away sewage? "A running stream" isn't going to cut it (see medieval and early modern Europe for why this won't work, especially during an epidemic). Do they have some plans for stockpiling essential medicines?

What do they think is going to happen when they get a lot of survivalist nuts together in one place, and some of them run out of food or other necessary supplies before others do?
posted by Anne Neville at 12:07 PM on November 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


Once again, reality imitates Philip K. Dick.

This topic probably covers at least half of all his creative output. I recall another short story of his about a society of paranoiacs living on some swamp planet that probably models this scheme's target clientele pretty well.
posted by indubitable at 12:10 PM on November 17, 2014


I am always astonished by the number of people who want to survive the apocalypse. It sounds even worse than the apocalypse itself; better to one of the ones to go first before you've had to spend months fighting zombies or whatever with 2 bottles of water and a Twix and then get killed.
posted by lesbiassparrow at 12:15 PM on November 17, 2014 [7 favorites]


Imagine the key parties at the underground bunker full of mid level marketing magangers.
posted by The Whelk at 12:22 PM on November 17, 2014 [4 favorites]


Kranski says they might decide it's advantageous to work together to hunt for food or guard the property.

Yeah, right. It would almost be worth the apocalypse to watch these tinpot John Galts turn on each other in half a heartbeat.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 12:24 PM on November 17, 2014 [4 favorites]


WAIT. That's right, these are mid-level marketing manager types.

Please someone tell me the compound is named B-Ark.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:29 PM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


As Žižek once said, it's easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of capitalism

I think that was Fredric Jameson. Let's not give Žižek credit for such a clearly-articulated insight.
posted by clockzero at 1:45 PM on November 17, 2014


I am always astonished by the number of people who want to survive the apocalypse. It sounds even worse than the apocalypse itself; better to one of the ones to go first before you've had to spend months fighting zombies or whatever with 2 bottles of water and a Twix and then get killed.

Precisely. As if I'd want to live on for a few months after many of the people I love had died (as they would have, even if I were part of your movie-scenario small group of close-knit survivors) and wait until, like, a zombie or an infected cut takes me out. As if I'd want to be around to watch more people die, or to be unable to take care of my cat, or to decide to drink polluted ground water, etc etc. When I was little, I always used to comfort myself by thinking that if there were a nuclear war, they would be dropping the bombs right on us - one of my teachers explained that if you wanted to hit Chicago, you'd actually bomb the western suburbs because otherwise you'd waste a lot of the force of the bomb in the the lake.

Admittedly, the horror movie where all these little Galts murder each other would be hilarious - that would actually be a great plot for a satire, especially if they all ended up there by mistake and everyone else was just sitting at home as the storm blew over.
posted by Frowner at 1:50 PM on November 17, 2014 [3 favorites]


"The superrich have such options as a "survival condo" built into a decommissioned missile silo, which can go for $4.5 million."

I had a friend whose family had a decommissioned missile silo. Wow, that sounds awesome! What fun! Then it was explained to me that most of it was underwater; the upkeep on it was very expensive and it kept flooding.

So yeah, as the water levels in the world keep rising, I think the super rich should go underground, near the oceans. Great idea folks.
posted by el io at 1:52 PM on November 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


One of the comforts of living in NYC was thinking, "Oh yeah, nukes are definitely going to get me here." Now I'm juust far enough out that I worry they might not. I have no interest in trying to survive a post-nuclear scenario. Other apocalypses, like the Yellowstone caldera deciding to blow or a meteor hitting us, I am also highly unlikely to survive. Pandemics are a crap shoot; maybe I will, probably I won't. Some sort of total anarchic collapse/Mad Max scenario, also not interested in trying to deal with. In none of those would a bunker be useful, not for long anyway.
posted by emjaybee at 1:56 PM on November 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


everything in life is better when experienced in a vault.

prolly not puppy farts
posted by poffin boffin at 1:56 PM on November 17, 2014 [4 favorites]


But what about the midlevel executives of the world?

Yes, how do they taste?
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 2:00 PM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


Yeah, I know; I can't exactly put my finger on why I feel like something's changed, but it has. The only example I can point to is The Stand, in which anyone you met after the big die-off from the Superflu had a 50/50 chance of being in league with Randall Flagg - but still, with nearly all the characters, almost all the survivors' reaction when they see someone finally is "omigod yay another person lemme come talk to you!" instead of "omigod eek another person lemme hide".

I dunno, I seem to remember old movies like A Boy and his Dog and Le Dernier Combat had sort of an "every man for himself" vibe. And movies like Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead really seemed to promote the idea that any kind of social organization after civilization falls would be a mistake. And then there's *shudder* Farnham's Freehold. So there's been a strain of rabid individualism in the post-apocalyptic genre

But I'd say that yeah, the real "Vigorously Alive" style of survivalism does seem to have risen at the same time as the Libertarian movement. It's like an Old West style of "defend yourself" mentality, without the knowledge that cities and towns were necessary and desirable.
posted by happyroach at 2:10 PM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


Years from now, as the doomsday preparation types come to the end of their natural life spans their heirs will be flooding the secondary markets with tons of ammunition, preserved but out of date food, and guns. Lots of guns...
posted by X4ster at 2:29 PM on November 17, 2014


I was thinking about this article earlier today, and I had a thought: What if these bunkers were all empty, aside from 1 show bunker? A prospective customer asks to see one, and you set it up for their visit, but everything is a prop. Every time a customer comes by you set up your Potemkin bunker, give them the tour, and then extract $1,000 a month from them for what basically amounts to kabuki insurance.

The reporter asks to see one, but of course, for your customer's safety, you can't.

Let's say the apocalypse actually DOES hit, and you have a bunch of pissed off customers without actual bunkers. Well... who cares, right? You're probably betting on society having collapsed if your 9 percenters are desperate enough to eat tinned meat and shit in a hole. At that point you've secured thousands and thousands of dollars for never having actually produced anything, and are living comfortably somewhere in the middle of the country with an actual survival plan.
posted by codacorolla at 2:45 PM on November 17, 2014 [9 favorites]


I mean, what all of the survivalism-as-conspicuous-consumption types (of whom these are a particularly silly subset) miss is that any disaster that's bad enough to suddenly knock civilization on its ass for the medium-to-long term, but not so bad as to be the actual extinction event of humanity is (a) a pretty narrow window, and (b) not something that you can stockpile for.

Any stockpile of goods is going to be finite, and throwing money at the problem only works if you think that no one is ever going to be strong or fast enough to get the drop on you or cunning enough to cheat or steal from you. Which, I guess, is why that tends to overlap with hardcore libertarianism. (That bounty hunter Kenny, though, now there's a guy who's going to be in good shape when the walls come down.)

But beyond fairly normal short-term disaster preparedness stuff (some non-perishable food, water, medication, weather-appropriate clothing, etc.) to get you through the immediate aftermath of the Rapture or whatever, what long-term (let's say counting in weeks or longer) apocalypse survival would really come down to is skills. You really want to up your odds of making it in some sort of Mad-Max-style free-for-all anarchist society? Learn first aid. Learn another language. Learn how to fix a radio, or set up a greenhouse, or dress game, or forage for edible plants, or navigate without a GPS. Learn how to do something that doesn't tie you down to a bunker in a mystery location at the mercy of the only guy who brought a gun, or at least learn something to justify to him why you're more useful alive.

(Bonus! Most of these things are actually useful or interesting even in the more likely event that you are never in this total-societal-collapse situation.)
posted by kagredon at 3:36 PM on November 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


"Potemkin bunker" and "kabuki insurance" will be on my "Top Phrases of 2014" list.
posted by GuyZero at 3:38 PM on November 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


These people obviously have far more money than they know how to responsibly spend.

But thankfully, they have you to tell them what the Right-thinking, Approved way to spend money is for them!
posted by corb at 3:46 PM on November 17, 2014


But thankfully, they have you to tell them what the Right-thinking, Approved way to spend money is for them!

Exactly! Which is why I have this special offer for the not-quite billionaires of the world. You see, while magic lamps inhabited by wish-granting djinn have become a popular investment for the 1%, they remain prohibitively expensive for those of us normal folks just trying to get by on 7 figures. That's why I've gone and scoped out 10 troll-bridges, inhabited by REAL wish-granting trolls, and am selling wish-shares. For just $1000/month, at a minimum 1-year buy-in, you will retain the ability to request a boon from one of these trolls. No need to hire a cunning rogue or a knight pure of heart to negotiate the request--we handle all that for you! Now, as a condition of this deal, we can't disclose to you where these bridges are or how to contact the trolls directly, but trust us they totally exist k.
posted by kagredon at 3:52 PM on November 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


If missile silos tend to flood and tend to be far away from population centers, they're not only going to be pretty useless in any disaster involving flooding (global warming, anyone?), they're not going to be easy for these people to get to after any disaster. Even if roads aren't impassable due to the disaster itself, they probably will be due to traffic. Air travel isn't immune, either, as anyone who has tried to take a flight in bad weather knows. If the Yellowstone volcano erupts, airplane engines generally don't cope well with volcanic ash.

One of the things about disasters is, a lot of them don't give you much warning to get to your bunker. I think some people just have more dollars than sense. It seems that isn't limited to people who can afford their own missile silo...
posted by Anne Neville at 4:34 PM on November 17, 2014


My basic metric is "Well aside from living without power and MAYBE potable water for a very short while, I live in one of the richest zip codes in the US so if things get that bad here it'll be GIANT MOLE RATS CONSUMING BABIES everywhere else soooo.."
posted by The Whelk at 4:36 PM on November 17, 2014


One time I binge watched about 4 episodes of The Walking Dead and dreamed that I had to set up an irrigation system for the small band of survivors I'd fallen in with.

I'm a pretty boring person.
posted by kagredon at 6:19 PM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


The only example I can point to is The Stand, in which anyone you met after the big die-off from the Superflu had a 50/50 chance of being in league with Randall Flagg - but still, with nearly all the characters, almost all the survivors' reaction when they see someone finally is "omigod yay another person lemme come talk to you!" instead of "omigod eek another person lemme hide".

That may have been the case in the originally-published, severely-cut-down version of the book, but in the uncut edition, you find out that Sue Stern (one of the Boulder Free Zone committee members) and Dayna Jurgens (who was one of the people to infiltrate Las Vegas, and the one who attempted to assassinate Flagg), who in the original version were cautious upon meeting Stu/Glen/Fran/Harold's group, were being held by a rape gang. For that matter, even though the proto-Boulderites are mostly pretty friendly with one another, almost all of them make their cross-country journey armed.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:28 PM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


I just- what disaster situation are these bunkers any good for? Like I kind of get break-off compound groups that wanna form little warlord-states, kinda, but these? Like what is this good for? A plague? Well the CDC exists and bringing in lots of people from other areas to run into a bunker seems like a great way to spread infection - an invasion? a siege? Cause those don't just like happen out of the blue and if they did, which they're not, they're not short. The gradual collapse of the economy and nation-state? Again, not exactly "I woke up one morning and everyone was a cannibal!" - also again, long lasting situations. Nuclear war? Pretty sure you'd have bigger problems.

The only thing I can think of these would be good for in starring in The Purge 3: Hell On Purge in which case, congrats you're completely set for a fictional over the top satirical near-future movie.

I kind of hope it is a scam cause that implies someone actually gave it three seconds of thought.
posted by The Whelk at 9:05 PM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


One time I binge watched about 4 episodes of The Walking Dead and dreamed that I had to set up an irrigation system for the small band of survivors I'd fallen in with.

I'm a pretty boring person.


Are you kidding? Dream engineering is one of the most challenging things you can do. You're working through a problem with half your critical cognition shut off. If you manage to nail a solution, and it seems sane when you wake up, you won the damn game.
posted by clarknova at 9:49 PM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


congrats you're completely set for a fictional over the top satirical near-future movie.

Maybe it's supposed to be like Logan's Run? When Obama implements the death panels, you can run away before your name turns up and then lead an attack on his weather-control dome and prove that global warming isn't real.

Disaster Retreat has a page full of banner ad graphics, with the unfortunate title "Prepper Propaganda." It's, uh, it's something else.
posted by kagredon at 10:01 PM on November 17, 2014


I just- what disaster situation are these bunkers any good for?

In all seriousness, the point of a country bunker is that if any sudden disaster strikes, you don't have to waste time going home. You don't have to fight your way inside a city, you don't have to struggle for declining resources - you get out to a location few will be heading to, get your full gear, and are able to regroup and move further out.
posted by corb at 10:16 PM on November 17, 2014


In case anyone wonders how the 0.0001% do this, there is this character, who used some of the money he saved by not meeting safety standards in his mines to buy this property, which happens to include this government surplus bunker.

And as a procedural point, isn't it the custom in these sort of threads to link to Dee Xtrovert's first person account of surviving in war-torn Sarajevo?
posted by TedW at 4:52 AM on November 18, 2014 [3 favorites]


Alternatively, a bunker also doubles as a crypt.
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:34 AM on November 18, 2014


Alternatively, a bunker also doubles as a crypt.

OH GOD FLASHBACK TO A SCENE FROM THREADS
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:41 AM on November 18, 2014


« Older Is Texas getting ready to kill an innocent man?   |   Have milk at the ready Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments