One is silver and the other gold.
February 4, 2016 1:47 PM Subscribe
honestly? this could be like a dream for me. I have so few female friends, and not for lack of wanting... I think just for lack of exposure to women with similar interests. I can find them online just fine. in real life not so much. now I just need to get a smart phone, I guess.
also: "hen two users match, a cheerful “Ditto!” will appear" ok that is just adorable tho
posted by suddenly, and without warning, at 2:11 PM on February 4, 2016 [11 favorites]
also: "hen two users match, a cheerful “Ditto!” will appear" ok that is just adorable tho
posted by suddenly, and without warning, at 2:11 PM on February 4, 2016 [11 favorites]
I thought hobbies and leisure courses were the way to find like-minded people who were open to friendship...or just getting out of the house. I think we need a less stressful world where our disposable income is not swallowed up by robber barons...
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 2:21 PM on February 4, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 2:21 PM on February 4, 2016 [6 favorites]
I hope the quiz includes the following questions: "Do you feel the urgent need to discuss Elena Ferrante's Neapolitan novels, and their exploration of female friendship? Over coffee, wine, or both?"
It's not like I've been talking to all of my female friends and acquaintances about them, just to see who's willing to read them, or anything.
posted by MonkeyToes at 2:21 PM on February 4, 2016 [9 favorites]
It's not like I've been talking to all of my female friends and acquaintances about them, just to see who's willing to read them, or anything.
posted by MonkeyToes at 2:21 PM on February 4, 2016 [9 favorites]
I confess: When I first moved away from my college town to a completely different state, I drunkenly made a craigslist post begging for some women to contact me and be my friend. And surprisingly, I got quite a few responses! But I never met up with any of them because of my crippling social anxiety!
posted by muddgirl at 2:25 PM on February 4, 2016 [9 favorites]
posted by muddgirl at 2:25 PM on February 4, 2016 [9 favorites]
I hope the quiz includes the following questions: "Do you feel the urgent need to discuss Elena Ferrante's Neapolitan novels, and their exploration of female friendship? Over coffee, wine, or both?"
Now I'm thinking there should be a one-trick-pony-app that does this and only this.
posted by tofu_crouton at 2:27 PM on February 4, 2016 [7 favorites]
Now I'm thinking there should be a one-trick-pony-app that does this and only this.
posted by tofu_crouton at 2:27 PM on February 4, 2016 [7 favorites]
I find this interesting because I pretty much only have female friends. I have no brothers, more female relatives than male relatives, and attended single sex schools from elementary school through college. After college, my workplace and grad school programme were predominantly female, while all my online friends as well as most of the people I follow on social media are women as well. I have never once wished that I had more male friends, but I sure could use an app to befriend more child-free women...
posted by peripathetic at 2:28 PM on February 4, 2016 [8 favorites]
posted by peripathetic at 2:28 PM on February 4, 2016 [8 favorites]
This is a genuinely brilliant idea. I wish them all kinds of luck.
posted by tobascodagama at 2:37 PM on February 4, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by tobascodagama at 2:37 PM on February 4, 2016 [4 favorites]
I thought hobbies and leisure courses were the way to find like-minded people who were open to friendship...or just getting out of the house.
For more anxious people, finding someone you know is also looking to make new friends is a big bonus, as opposed to "am I presuming, maybe she doesn't want to be friends, help".
posted by jeather at 2:37 PM on February 4, 2016 [17 favorites]
For more anxious people, finding someone you know is also looking to make new friends is a big bonus, as opposed to "am I presuming, maybe she doesn't want to be friends, help".
posted by jeather at 2:37 PM on February 4, 2016 [17 favorites]
There are also other reasons beyond anxiety why women, specifically, might be reticent to randomly leave the house to go attend a meetup where they don't know anybody.
posted by tobascodagama at 2:39 PM on February 4, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by tobascodagama at 2:39 PM on February 4, 2016 [2 favorites]
As a friendless weirdo, a male version of this would be right up my applecart.
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 2:39 PM on February 4, 2016 [15 favorites]
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 2:39 PM on February 4, 2016 [15 favorites]
They need to make this available for Android ASAP.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 2:42 PM on February 4, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 2:42 PM on February 4, 2016 [2 favorites]
I have lots of lady friends (and gentleman friends), but this sounds absolutely like something I would love to try as soon as its geography expands.
In the meantime, if you're in the Research Triangle and have an urgent need to discuss and explore the female friendships in the Elena Ferrante novels over wine, coffee, beer, tea, whiskey, whatever, I'm available.
posted by thivaia at 2:53 PM on February 4, 2016 [3 favorites]
In the meantime, if you're in the Research Triangle and have an urgent need to discuss and explore the female friendships in the Elena Ferrante novels over wine, coffee, beer, tea, whiskey, whatever, I'm available.
posted by thivaia at 2:53 PM on February 4, 2016 [3 favorites]
If done well, these types of apps could appeal to many people regardless of gender. Meetup kind of fills some of the "meet new interesting people" role but doesn't really let you get to know specific people's interests and being thrown into an existing group environment can be intimidating to many.
I actually had more luck using OKCupid as a friend finder than dating when I moved to a new area. There were a few people that it was clear that I wouldn't be compatible with romantically that had enough shared interests and outlooks as me that we ended up communicating and becoming friends.
posted by Candleman at 2:55 PM on February 4, 2016 [2 favorites]
I actually had more luck using OKCupid as a friend finder than dating when I moved to a new area. There were a few people that it was clear that I wouldn't be compatible with romantically that had enough shared interests and outlooks as me that we ended up communicating and becoming friends.
posted by Candleman at 2:55 PM on February 4, 2016 [2 favorites]
There are also other reasons beyond anxiety why women, specifically, might be reticent to randomly leave the house to go attend a meetup where they don't know anybody.
As someone who teaches college courses, you would be shocked how many shy women have made enduring friendships that way.
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 3:05 PM on February 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
As someone who teaches college courses, you would be shocked how many shy women have made enduring friendships that way.
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 3:05 PM on February 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
As a friendless weirdo, a male version of this would be right up my applecart.
Didn't we discuss this in the 'bro hugs' thread? Guy friendships are so weird and complicated; perhaps more so than hetero dating. I'll be your friend!
I actually had more luck using OKCupid as a friend finder than dating when I moved to a new area.
I similarly had better luck doing the same thing. Ultimately some of those included friendly makeouts but that's kind of a separate thing.
posted by a halcyon day at 3:06 PM on February 4, 2016
Didn't we discuss this in the 'bro hugs' thread? Guy friendships are so weird and complicated; perhaps more so than hetero dating. I'll be your friend!
I actually had more luck using OKCupid as a friend finder than dating when I moved to a new area.
I similarly had better luck doing the same thing. Ultimately some of those included friendly makeouts but that's kind of a separate thing.
posted by a halcyon day at 3:06 PM on February 4, 2016
There are also other reasons beyond anxiety why women, specifically, might be reticent to randomly leave the house to go attend a meetup where they don't know anybody.
Chief among them, not understanding people who actively want to be around other people.
posted by mudpuppie at 3:07 PM on February 4, 2016 [7 favorites]
Chief among them, not understanding people who actively want to be around other people.
posted by mudpuppie at 3:07 PM on February 4, 2016 [7 favorites]
Yeah, I went to a predominantly-male college, and my hobbies tend to have lots and lots of dudes in them (which is cool! I like dude friends!), and sometimes the women I meet at them are of the "exceptional woman" type ("God, I hate working with women! They're so whiny and cry all the time! But not me! I'm just one of the boys!"). The value in this kind of app is the same as the value in a dating app - at least you know, at the start, that the person on the other end is interested in meeting girl friends too.
posted by muddgirl at 3:09 PM on February 4, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by muddgirl at 3:09 PM on February 4, 2016 [2 favorites]
I desperately need this app! I travel 26+ weeks a year for my job. I feel like a stranger in my own hometown. Also if limoncello is an option I say hell yes to this>> I hope the quiz includes the following questions: "Do you feel the urgent need to discuss Elena Ferrante's Neapolitan novels, and their exploration of female friendship? Over coffee, wine, or both?"
posted by pjsky at 3:09 PM on February 4, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by pjsky at 3:09 PM on February 4, 2016 [2 favorites]
Instead of using this I just stare at a Venn Diagram with "Gene Wolfe", "New Bomb Turks" and "the NY Knicks" written in separate circles & stroke the region where they do not intersect & weep until my wife turns off the lights & makes me go to bed.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:10 PM on February 4, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:10 PM on February 4, 2016 [5 favorites]
I'm gonna be all over this. My experience with hobbies, meet ups, and continuing education is that the people I met at those things were nice folks but there for the content and weren't interested in taking it offline. As far as I know everyone who works in the city of Chicago is rushing home to see their kids in the suburbs ASAP.
posted by bleep at 3:14 PM on February 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by bleep at 3:14 PM on February 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
Here's what I really want: a number of single friends with active social lives who will nevertheless be able to drop everything and get a drink with me in exactly the closest bar to my house whenever I have 1 hour to buy them a drink and bullshit. Send post
posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:18 PM on February 4, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:18 PM on February 4, 2016 [5 favorites]
I really want this to work, and goodness knows I could use some help making friends, but I'm not sure how successful an app like this will be in practice. It will help with meeting potential friends, but there's still the problem of turning them into friends, which is the hard part. Making friends is not much like dating: it doesn't have the same type of progression and there aren't really any commonly accepted milestones, like smooching and having the exclusivity talk.
Plus, it's hard to say "thanks but no thanks" to a potential friend. Sometimes you have a ton of things in common but just don't click. And telling someone you don't want to be friends just seems mean. It's awkward.
(P.S. I am available for cheese-related social activities in the Boston area, schedule permitting. I am not a good conversationalist and have weird hair. Call me!)
posted by Metroid Baby at 3:28 PM on February 4, 2016 [11 favorites]
Plus, it's hard to say "thanks but no thanks" to a potential friend. Sometimes you have a ton of things in common but just don't click. And telling someone you don't want to be friends just seems mean. It's awkward.
(P.S. I am available for cheese-related social activities in the Boston area, schedule permitting. I am not a good conversationalist and have weird hair. Call me!)
posted by Metroid Baby at 3:28 PM on February 4, 2016 [11 favorites]
I once wrote a column saying that I wanted exactly this. I didn't. My editor suggested the topic.
Now that it exists, though, I think it's terrific and I'm going to call myself a visionary.
posted by babelfish at 3:42 PM on February 4, 2016 [5 favorites]
Now that it exists, though, I think it's terrific and I'm going to call myself a visionary.
posted by babelfish at 3:42 PM on February 4, 2016 [5 favorites]
I've been waiting for something like this for years. I hope people actually use it. There seems to be stigma against admitting you need more friends.
Oh and bleep, I work in Chicago and have no children in the sluburbs. Hit me up for a drink if my posting history doesn't put you off!
posted by Jess the Mess at 3:48 PM on February 4, 2016 [3 favorites]
Oh and bleep, I work in Chicago and have no children in the sluburbs. Hit me up for a drink if my posting history doesn't put you off!
posted by Jess the Mess at 3:48 PM on February 4, 2016 [3 favorites]
There seems to be stigma against admitting you need more friends.
Agreed, which is the reason I posted it. I kinda need more friends, too.
posted by Sophie1 at 3:59 PM on February 4, 2016 [11 favorites]
Agreed, which is the reason I posted it. I kinda need more friends, too.
posted by Sophie1 at 3:59 PM on February 4, 2016 [11 favorites]
Aw I don't live in Chicago anymore :( I'm just very bitter about it.
And actually I think friendship has a lot in common with dating. It's someone you see once or twice and then you decide you want to make time for them going forward. The only difference is some people don't get physical with their friends. But some people do get pretty exclusive as time goes on.
posted by bleep at 4:09 PM on February 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
And actually I think friendship has a lot in common with dating. It's someone you see once or twice and then you decide you want to make time for them going forward. The only difference is some people don't get physical with their friends. But some people do get pretty exclusive as time goes on.
posted by bleep at 4:09 PM on February 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
So I am in my fifties now, but I have a BFF. We've been friends since we were about 15, we always make a point to live no more than a five or ten minute drive from each others' houses, which we walk into without knocking, all that stuff. And for much of our lives, we've been each others' only really good friends. But recently, we've started expanding the regular weekly dinner we do to include other people, so we have this core group of mostly middle aged ladies who get together once a week, and it is the best. Around our age, women, and especially single women, start getting sort of cast aside. Empty nests and vanishing job prospects and that thing where people start treating you like you're an annoyance. So we need to stick together.
I'm a loner type of person. I don't like parties or crowds or lots of noise, and I need TONS of alone time. Sometimes, I get pretty tired and drained keeping up socially, but it's also great. My friends are funny and smart and generous and interesting, and they make my life much better.
I get nervous a little bit sometimes reaching out and inviting people over. (I have the dinners at my house, so people see how I live and everything!) But the risks are well worth the payoff. So please, if you're nervous about sticking your neck out, do whatever you need to do to power through the anxiety.
posted by ernielundquist at 4:36 PM on February 4, 2016 [4 favorites]
I'm a loner type of person. I don't like parties or crowds or lots of noise, and I need TONS of alone time. Sometimes, I get pretty tired and drained keeping up socially, but it's also great. My friends are funny and smart and generous and interesting, and they make my life much better.
I get nervous a little bit sometimes reaching out and inviting people over. (I have the dinners at my house, so people see how I live and everything!) But the risks are well worth the payoff. So please, if you're nervous about sticking your neck out, do whatever you need to do to power through the anxiety.
posted by ernielundquist at 4:36 PM on February 4, 2016 [4 favorites]
OH MY GOD YES.
As a woman in her late 30s with social anxiety, this would be so rad to use. If anything, I might meet new ladyfriends who want to discuss the Hot Dads of Teen Wolf while we sample craft beer.
posted by Kitteh at 4:41 PM on February 4, 2016 [3 favorites]
As a woman in her late 30s with social anxiety, this would be so rad to use. If anything, I might meet new ladyfriends who want to discuss the Hot Dads of Teen Wolf while we sample craft beer.
posted by Kitteh at 4:41 PM on February 4, 2016 [3 favorites]
I think this is a great idea! I used meet-up to successfully make new friends in a few cities where I lived, and I had by far the most luck with the women-only groups. I'd support a guys-only version, too.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 4:41 PM on February 4, 2016
posted by Solon and Thanks at 4:41 PM on February 4, 2016
If this were a guarantee to avoid the terrible, awkward stork-like dance around exchanging contact info as an adult where neither one of us wants to first utter the phrase FRIENDS, ARE WE??? OR NO I MISREAD YOU I'LL JUST MOVE TO MONGOLIA, OKAY BYE! which is what always happens in my head, I would sign up for this at light speed.
posted by jetlagaddict at 7:51 PM on February 4, 2016 [14 favorites]
posted by jetlagaddict at 7:51 PM on February 4, 2016 [14 favorites]
As soon as this moves to my area, it will be on my phone.
posted by corb at 8:54 PM on February 4, 2016
posted by corb at 8:54 PM on February 4, 2016
When people ask what sort of place I live, I sum it up by saying it's Massachusetts, but the part with moose and bears, not the Boston or Cape Cod part. I like it, but my female-socializing options consist of: Mary Kay, or Scentsy? I do hang out from time to time with lovely people who are kind to include me, but I always feel a bit like a bat at the bird feeder. So this seemed pretty neat, except - it's for SF, and expanding into NYC soon? Oh you poor dears, how desolate your isolation.
posted by Lou Stuells at 2:31 AM on February 5, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by Lou Stuells at 2:31 AM on February 5, 2016 [6 favorites]
In the meantime, if you're in the Research Triangle and have an urgent need to discuss and explore the female friendships in the Elena Ferrante novels over wine, coffee, beer, tea, whiskey, whatever, I'm available.
*cough* hey thivaia, there are two Research Triangle meetups coming up! Discussing Elena Ferrante novels is not currently on the agenda but maybe it should be... *cough*
posted by aka burlap at 6:53 AM on February 5, 2016
*cough* hey thivaia, there are two Research Triangle meetups coming up! Discussing Elena Ferrante novels is not currently on the agenda but maybe it should be... *cough*
posted by aka burlap at 6:53 AM on February 5, 2016
Also this app looks cool! I really like having lots of female friends and having another way to meet like-minded women is awesome.
posted by aka burlap at 6:54 AM on February 5, 2016
posted by aka burlap at 6:54 AM on February 5, 2016
I'd also like to point ladies to this Toronto Star article about female friendships in later ages; it also links to two websites that I think work equally in the US and Canada.
posted by Kitteh at 7:20 AM on February 5, 2016
posted by Kitteh at 7:20 AM on February 5, 2016
Pro tip: do improv classes. How I've met the most nice people I know when I moved cities as an adult.
posted by Damienmce at 8:18 AM on February 5, 2016
posted by Damienmce at 8:18 AM on February 5, 2016
Pro tip: do improv classes. How I've met the most nice people I know when I moved cities as an adult.
Unless you move to L.A. Do not do improv classes if you move to L.A., unless you are specifically interested in doing improv and/or competing with people who have had far more teeth bleaching, skin polishing, and hair extensions than you ever will. Also, they are spending the other nights of the week in pole-dancing classes, voice-over classes, barre classes, and Soul Cycle. It is not a great place to meet friends.
posted by Sophie1 at 9:12 AM on February 5, 2016 [4 favorites]
Unless you move to L.A. Do not do improv classes if you move to L.A., unless you are specifically interested in doing improv and/or competing with people who have had far more teeth bleaching, skin polishing, and hair extensions than you ever will. Also, they are spending the other nights of the week in pole-dancing classes, voice-over classes, barre classes, and Soul Cycle. It is not a great place to meet friends.
posted by Sophie1 at 9:12 AM on February 5, 2016 [4 favorites]
I may be projecting badly here, but I suspect the people (me) who need an app like this are precisely the ones who would rather die in any of a number of horrible ways than go to an improv class.
TBH most of my best female friendships in recent years have come from Metafilter. So until that rolls out, women of Pittsburgh Metafilter, hit me up. 100% happy to hang out with you while you drink wine if you don't mind that I'll be drinking coffee instead, I haven't read Elena Ferrante but have a vague intention of doing so but boy am I looking for someone to rant at about this transgender-issues-related book I'm halfway through and trying not to throw, I would really like to hear every story you have about your cat or dog, and I think we should go to Geek Girl Brunch Pittsburgh together because I'm too anxious to go on my own. And also because I keep missing the sign-up deadlines.
posted by Stacey at 9:51 AM on February 5, 2016 [8 favorites]
TBH most of my best female friendships in recent years have come from Metafilter. So until that rolls out, women of Pittsburgh Metafilter, hit me up. 100% happy to hang out with you while you drink wine if you don't mind that I'll be drinking coffee instead, I haven't read Elena Ferrante but have a vague intention of doing so but boy am I looking for someone to rant at about this transgender-issues-related book I'm halfway through and trying not to throw, I would really like to hear every story you have about your cat or dog, and I think we should go to Geek Girl Brunch Pittsburgh together because I'm too anxious to go on my own. And also because I keep missing the sign-up deadlines.
posted by Stacey at 9:51 AM on February 5, 2016 [8 favorites]
Hi Chicago Mefites, I would love to hang out with you!
I am curious to try out this app when it comes to Chicago, though the starter quiz is so simplistic right now that I don't think it does much to limit your results to people who actually have compatible personalities and interests, especially if you do like I did and keep picking the "either one" option. (I like alcohol and coffee! I like doing things outdoors and indoors! I will meet you in the morning or the evening! I finally picked "I like having a plan" vs. being spontaneous for one of them just so there was one I didn't fall in the middle on.) I hope they find a way to add a little more complexity to the matching process, but I love the idea!
posted by jessypie at 11:52 AM on February 5, 2016 [1 favorite]
I am curious to try out this app when it comes to Chicago, though the starter quiz is so simplistic right now that I don't think it does much to limit your results to people who actually have compatible personalities and interests, especially if you do like I did and keep picking the "either one" option. (I like alcohol and coffee! I like doing things outdoors and indoors! I will meet you in the morning or the evening! I finally picked "I like having a plan" vs. being spontaneous for one of them just so there was one I didn't fall in the middle on.) I hope they find a way to add a little more complexity to the matching process, but I love the idea!
posted by jessypie at 11:52 AM on February 5, 2016 [1 favorite]
Also, for anyone waiting to download the app until it comes to your city, the welcome email says this:
"Want to know how to get your city on Hey! VINA sooner? Tell your friends to download the app! The more people on the list from your city, the sooner we’ll be there."
posted by jessypie at 12:14 PM on February 5, 2016
"Want to know how to get your city on Hey! VINA sooner? Tell your friends to download the app! The more people on the list from your city, the sooner we’ll be there."
posted by jessypie at 12:14 PM on February 5, 2016
Oh I love this! Trying to initiate contact with any new, potential friend is just agony for me. Right now I feel like I am basically stalking my down the street neighbor. She looks my age and she has tattoos and no kids and a DOG, and she looks perfect, except what if she doesn't want a new friend? I drive by and wave going, "Hello new best friend!" But she can't hear me and she probably wonders why the crazy neighbor is always waving at her. Sigh. Maybe I should just pre-emptively move to Mongolia.
posted by WalkerWestridge at 1:28 PM on February 5, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by WalkerWestridge at 1:28 PM on February 5, 2016 [4 favorites]
The more people on the list from your city, the sooner we’ll be there.
Please tell the nice app you are in my city thanks
posted by ghostbikes at 1:53 PM on February 5, 2016 [1 favorite]
Please tell the nice app you are in my city thanks
posted by ghostbikes at 1:53 PM on February 5, 2016 [1 favorite]
oh wait signup is with facebook only? GTFO
posted by ghostbikes at 1:56 PM on February 5, 2016
posted by ghostbikes at 1:56 PM on February 5, 2016
I'm sure improv is great but I like seeing other hobbies, like "really old things," "drinks surrounded by old things," and "cheese," when not confronting my old nemesis, "commuting on the Westside."
Ps, Chicago MeFites, jessypie is great and super nice!
posted by jetlagaddict at 7:42 PM on February 5, 2016 [3 favorites]
Ps, Chicago MeFites, jessypie is great and super nice!
posted by jetlagaddict at 7:42 PM on February 5, 2016 [3 favorites]
Why?! Why is this not available for Android?!!!
posted by WalkerWestridge at 3:58 PM on February 6, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by WalkerWestridge at 3:58 PM on February 6, 2016 [2 favorites]
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posted by Sophie1 at 1:54 PM on February 4, 2016 [1 favorite]