Apple = Evil.
April 21, 2002 9:32 AM   Subscribe

Apple = Evil. I can't decide if this page is a joke or not.
posted by dogwelder (39 comments total)
Well it doesn't look like it's a joke to him!

The new field of discontinuous systematical terminology.
"Aquatic Ape Theory":
Evolutionists sink to new lows, leagues under the sea.


posted by anathema at 9:45 AM on April 21, 2002

Sadly, having grown up in an area that is rife with these sorts of people, I feel it might actually be serious.

Makes me want to buy an Apple - and I don't even like that company.
posted by hadashi at 9:45 AM on April 21, 2002

Me either. But it's hilarious. Thanks for the link. And it makes me prouder than ever to be sitting here stroking the godless keys of a G4 while the daemons and Darwin run rampant under the hood.

opensource = communism

Best. line. ever.
posted by evanizer at 9:46 AM on April 21, 2002

I wish my G3 would evolve into a G4.
posted by anathema at 9:49 AM on April 21, 2002

Oh my Gods, I didn't check the previous post before I made that last comment, so now it sounds like I'm agreeing with hadashi's truly evil admission that he doesn't like Apple, Inc. I want to clarify that when I said "me either", I was referring to dogwelder's uncertainty about the veracity of the article he linked. I was not agreeing with hadashi's dislike of Apple. I love Apple, and everything they stand for. I'm going to go and sacrifice a chicken to Steve now, so please excuse me.
posted by evanizer at 9:50 AM on April 21, 2002

It's a joke - there's a link to Landover Baptist on the sidebar.

And look at the captions - you can't see those being written straight-faced.

But it's damn funny!
posted by Melinika at 9:52 AM on April 21, 2002

Jesus surfing on the cross! Thanks Melinika. I got had.
posted by anathema at 9:58 AM on April 21, 2002

Well, not a link to Landover Baptist... a link to an article about the naughty, naughty folks at Landover Baptist and how they need to stopped... I smell Landover people stirring the pot, basically. Heh.

Sorry if it wasn't clear - my brain is on holiday. It's Sunday, dammit! ;P
posted by Melinika at 10:02 AM on April 21, 2002

to open up certain locked files one has to run a program much like the DOS prompt in Microsoft Windows and type in a secret code: "chmod 666". What other horrors lurk in this thing?

Oooooooh, the eeeeeeevils of CHMOD!

Oh, this stuff is good, good satire. Almost too good.
posted by Dreama at 10:05 AM on April 21, 2002

META name="generator" content="Our Lord Jesus Christ, Who hath generated all"
Oh how I laughed.
posted by bcwinters at 10:13 AM on April 21, 2002

Wow. Now this is something.
posted by anathema at 10:14 AM on April 21, 2002

Well, color me gullible, then...
posted by dogwelder at 10:15 AM on April 21, 2002

More extremely pissed off people.
posted by anathema at 10:19 AM on April 21, 2002

That is a very, *very* well-done spoof. It had me completely suckered. The Apple article was just loony enough to be real. Likewise the Mall and Game Theory articles. There really are people that would believe all that stuff...

...but the author biographies gave it away. Just a little too over-the-top. Whew!
posted by five fresh fish at 10:24 AM on April 21, 2002

I love the part where he says pagans are notoriously bad spellers. HA.
posted by benjh at 10:59 AM on April 21, 2002

The webmaster's personal homepage. If this is a joke, and I am getting more and more convinced that it is... then it is the best farce that I have ever seen on the internet.


dogwelder, where did you find out about this site?

how can we find out who made all these pages? i want to give him or her money.
posted by Hammerikaner at 11:05 AM on April 21, 2002

The webmaster's old, pagan personal homepage. Before he found the Lord, the webmaster, "Kyle Goldman" was apparently a fan of the Evil Dead and other such satanic stuff. Check out the Manson MIDI!

Oh how the plot thickens... check the guys guestbook!
posted by Hammerikaner at 11:09 AM on April 21, 2002

Mr Goldman's page keeps crashing my browser... I suppose I'm just not cut out to be saved.
posted by Grangousier at 11:13 AM on April 21, 2002

i want to give him or her money.

Better yet, send the money to Matt.
posted by anathema at 11:15 AM on April 21, 2002

Hm. I don't get it. It's not hard to parody creationists -- they practically parody themselves. How many "look at the silly fundies" pages do we need before it's not clever or interesting anymore?

I have to admit, I do want one of these mugs though. Bah! I don't need anything but coffee.
posted by rusty at 11:16 AM on April 21, 2002

a document with the title "propaganda.html" says a lot.
posted by onegoodmove at 11:22 AM on April 21, 2002

This OS -- and its Darwin offspring -- extensively use what are called "daemons" (which is how Pagans write "demon" -- they are notoriously poor spellers: magick, vampyre, etc.)

wow. I really can't tell if this is satire or not.

note the ad banners, I've already seen one for the jesus action figures, and now there's one for Dinosaur Adventure land, where one can apparently learn about dinosaurs in the bible. domain appears to be owned by CSE enterprises, CSE meaning Creation Science Evangelism. seems serious? maybe that's why it's so funny?
posted by Hackworth at 11:33 AM on April 21, 2002

Opps, that's Dinosaur Adventure land. Be sure to chek out their homeschool science classes.
posted by Hackworth at 11:34 AM on April 21, 2002

Hammerikaner- A friend forwarded the link to me.
posted by dogwelder at 11:39 AM on April 21, 2002

HaHa check out this shot from the Dino Page!

Click ME.

posted by Niahmas at 11:56 AM on April 21, 2002

The student Creation Science Fair is the best part of the site.

My favorites are the elementary school level winners, with their projects: "My Uncle Is A Man Named Steve (Not A Monkey)" and "Pinecones Are Complicated."
posted by mathowie at 12:09 PM on April 21, 2002

Naw, the best part of the site is the link to Landover Baptist -- America's Favorite Church NYSE: (LBC) The bastards want to shut it down!
posted by dack at 12:57 PM on April 21, 2002

If this is indeed a joke, it's even more deliciously ironic that it's served by a free Christian webhost (that looks legitimate). I still can't decide if it's not real, it's so spot-on. And you're all wrong, Baby Jesus is the best part. (ever.)
posted by SpaceBass at 1:14 PM on April 21, 2002

It's such a large site I wouldn't think that someone trying to do a satire would put so time and effort into it. Yet, there are so many things that make you laugh, it can't be real. Maybe it's real, but the guys are willing to laugh at themselves a little bit?

Oh and the Bazooka Jesus is the best part.
posted by jaden at 2:53 PM on April 21, 2002

Google cache of webmaster's homepage (curse the exceeded bandwidth)
posted by jaden at 2:56 PM on April 21, 2002

When you mouseover the baby jesus's cranky little face, you get : "The Baby Jesus Weeps For The Souls of The Unsaved".

This, combined with the look on the little tyke's face, gives me many many roofles.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:49 PM on April 21, 2002

Wow, if this is a farce then I was totally suckered...

And don't take my comments too seriously, evanizer. I don't like Apple as a company, but if their product is the right one I buy it. I do own an Apple Airport, after all.

And a Titanium laptop is looking more and more appealing...

(No! No! It's of the devil! Must resist!)
posted by hadashi at 6:58 PM on April 21, 2002

I have complete and utter faith... in this being completely fake.

Hey you've got to believe in *something* don't you?
posted by LoraT at 7:46 PM on April 21, 2002

Any message you read claiming to be from Jim Carlson or any other OBJECTIVE: Ministries member that contains vulgarities, sexual innuendo, bad poetry, or other un-Christian sentiments is to be considered a FRAUD and ignored.

So... yeah. No posting bad poetry in Landover Baptists guestbook under the name Jim Carlson. Baby Jesus hates that.
posted by swell at 8:08 PM on April 21, 2002

It's too bad it's not real. I'd love to inform the author that the back in '94 the Pope ordered two special white MessagePads as prompters for his speeches.

Hmm.. Newton... Didn't the church hate that guy's teachings too? The messagepads could be forcing the Pope to commit blasphemy by replacing his words with those of hippies and, via divine mandate, those words would be as binding as holy scripture...
posted by kfury at 9:10 PM on April 21, 2002

The fake adbar (and "good Christian businesses") are my favorite.
posted by bclark at 5:51 AM on April 22, 2002

Probably the name Richard Paley is a reference to old-time creationist William Paley.
posted by Gaz at 6:20 AM on April 22, 2002

back in '94 the Pope ordered two special white MessagePads as prompters for his speeches.

... thereby proving that the Pope is in fact the Antichrist, as all true Christians already know.
posted by kindall at 7:33 AM on April 22, 2002

shut it down, shut it all down. He did not give His life to be mocked!
posted by complex at 8:12 AM on April 22, 2002

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