F off
October 4, 2017 2:57 PM   Subscribe

You are the Prime Minister. You unexpectedly call an election but won't debate and lose seats because you weren't prepared. The more-popular opposition leader draws large crowds wherever he goes. No-one likes you. The EU doesn't think much of you or your negotiators, and your Europe minister has gone rogue. Your foreign secretary, while continuing to be offensive, keeps pitching for your job. The extreme right-wing and arguably hypocritical aristocrat continues to gain popularity. It's problem after problem. But don't worry! Your big conference speech will work out fine and you won't be given your P45 (redundancy notice) during the highly-secure event and ... oh. Oh no! Though social media loved it. What now? Post title, and the six words of Ten (related ethics, US politics).
posted by Wordshore (68 comments total) 45 users marked this as a favorite
 
Oh, what now? The F 'n' E's come off!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 3:02 PM on October 4 [7 favorites]


The way in which the contrast in the public images of May and Corbyn has flipped 180 degrees is just a delight.
posted by carter at 3:07 PM on October 4 [22 favorites]


Stock markets at all time highs, demagogues surging, right wing nationalism on the rise in Germany, Spain on the verge of a civil war?

You guys think we can get 2017 kicked out because of plagiarism?
posted by Talez at 3:11 PM on October 4 [68 favorites]




Wordshore, you are a delight and a treasure.

Pleasingly, my toddler finds the F falling off just as hilarious as me, so we've watched numerous gifs of it this afternoon.
posted by threetwentytwo at 3:13 PM on October 4 [7 favorites]




It's like the F tried to end it rather than listen to the rest of the speech.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 3:28 PM on October 4 [8 favorites]


Get on your feet!
posted by littlesq at 3:38 PM on October 4 [3 favorites]


Does anyone, anywhere, want Boris Johnson for anything?
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:43 PM on October 4 [6 favorites]


Does anyone, anywhere, want Boris Johnson for anything?

What about if you need a clown screaming down a zipline carrying two Union Jack flags?
posted by Talez at 3:46 PM on October 4 [30 favorites]


What about if you need a clown screaming down a zipline carrying two Union Jack flags?


He's not even good at that. He got stuck the last time.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 3:47 PM on October 4 [18 favorites]


I’ve watched that F fall off like 20 times and it never fails to delight

The Nation- This Is What A Socialist Looks Like, how Corbyn has flipped the talk
posted by The Whelk at 3:51 PM on October 4 [6 favorites]


Given the word 'country' was up there, they are super lucky it wasn't an O that fell.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 3:52 PM on October 4 [15 favorites]


What about if you need a clown screaming down a zipline carrying two Union Jack flags?

OK, let me rephrase: Does anyone, anywhere in the real actual world that actually exists outside of some weird though-experiment about what could possibly happen in an improbable bizzaro-world, want Boris Johnson for anything?

Sorry if I was imprecise.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:54 PM on October 4 [4 favorites]


Did we all see Jonathon Pie?
posted by Talez at 3:58 PM on October 4 [7 favorites]


Foci for Analysis: "Literally No One Has A Clue What Theresa May Means By "The British Dream""

Didn't Gordon Brown have some thing where he was looking for a slogan for Britain, and it went over like a lead balloon?
posted by Chrysostom at 3:59 PM on October 4 [1 favorite]


Heavily foreshadowed, although May's support for international communism still took me by surprise.
posted by ckape at 4:05 PM on October 4 [13 favorites]


Isn't the fundamental problem that the "British (i.e. English) dream", as recognised by Conservatives, is either (a) a nostalgic yearning for a simple past that never was, or (b) a social Darwinist hellscape in which there truly is no such thing as society? These really aren't palatable alternatives to offer us.
posted by howfar at 4:10 PM on October 4 [5 favorites]


The British Dream is that one day people will learn how to queue properly at bus stops again.
posted by dng at 4:14 PM on October 4 [14 favorites]


To my post colonial ears the "British Dream" would involve another attempt at invading Afghanistan.
posted by all the versus at 4:18 PM on October 4 [6 favorites]


At this point, the Tory version of the British dream seems to be "People will want to buy Morris Marinas again, we'll somehow get India back but all the Indians will suddenly decide to go home, something, something, jam."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 4:23 PM on October 4 [11 favorites]




The letter "F" fell from the Conservative blue set behind the prime minister, which read: "Building a country the works for Everyone". Then, an "E" also tumbled down while the prime minister was speaking.

F-E, eh?
Which element has the symbol FE?
Iron.
As in Iron Lady.

Theresa May is being haunted by the ghost of Margaret Thatcher.
posted by Atom Eyes at 4:28 PM on October 4 [37 favorites]


Theresa May is being haunted by the ghost of Margaret Thatcher.

Isn't this true of the entire UK?
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:41 PM on October 4 [64 favorites]


OK, let me rephrase: Does anyone, anywhere in the real actual world that actually exists outside of some weird though-experiment about what could possibly happen in an improbable bizzaro-world, want Boris Johnson for anything?

Evidently people wanted him to be Mayor of London at one point, and I suppose permanent host on Have I Got News for You might meet with public approval.
posted by kewb at 4:48 PM on October 4 [2 favorites]


If we're all going to be miserable I'm happy that these fuckers are too. Useless, useless wrecking shitheads.
posted by Artw at 4:55 PM on October 4 [5 favorites]


No, I think that was their strategy all along:

"We're miserable useless cnuts who can't ever actually enjoy anything, so now the rest of you are going to have to be as well."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:12 PM on October 4 [4 favorites]


The Thick of It was a documentary.
posted by longdaysjourney at 5:29 PM on October 4 [11 favorites]


basically the only thing that the phrase "British dream" makes me think of is the line "there is no future in England's dreaming" from "God Save The Queen."
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 5:34 PM on October 4 [9 favorites]


The current political landscape in Ol' Blighty.

Only instead of "skid" put in "stop brexit."
posted by Slap*Happy at 5:44 PM on October 4 [1 favorite]


Corbyn is not anti-Brexit.
posted by Artw at 5:52 PM on October 4 [6 favorites]


That F didn’t fall - it jumped.
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:59 PM on October 4 [5 favorites]


basically the only thing that the phrase "British dream" makes me think of is the line "there is no future in England's dreaming" from "God Save The Queen."

Speaking of god saving the Queen, if Charles was disinherited and Brexit were stopped I would wholly support the restoration of direct crown rule and the Empire at this point.
posted by Talez at 6:28 PM on October 4 [2 favorites]


Speaking as a citizen of a former colony, you can fuck off with your empire, you can barely rule yourselves.
posted by deadwax at 6:30 PM on October 4 [16 favorites]


Obligatory omnishambles clip that is so painfully apropos it's basically operating in twelve different dimensions.
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:16 PM on October 4 [7 favorites]


As per usual, Steve Bell delivers (with a hat-tip to Devis' Death of Horatio Nelson).
posted by kalimac at 7:28 PM on October 4 [2 favorites]


Given the word 'country' was up there, they are super lucky it wasn't an O that fell.

You could always do this
posted by HiroProtagonist at 9:10 PM on October 4 [3 favorites]


OK, let me rephrase: Does anyone, anywhere in the real actual world that actually exists outside of some weird though-experiment about what could possibly happen in an improbable bizzaro-world, want Boris Johnson for anything?

Stewart Lee did an excellent little bit about Boris Johnson a few years back. Hard to find the transcript, and anyway so much is in the timing and emotion, but it goes something like "Can you believe that Boris Johnson is an actual mayor? Of London, a real city? He's not some kind of clown mayor, while the real mayor is locked in a shipping container doing the work."

And every time I hear about him, I plug in his new title, and the mind boggles.
posted by Meatbomb at 9:28 PM on October 4 [7 favorites]


Here (seems to) be a link but I cannot get the vid to play from my location.
posted by Meatbomb at 9:29 PM on October 4 [2 favorites]


Brodkin has a reputation for carrying out pranks at big public events.

Political moves by the comedian include throwing US dollar bills over former Fifa president Sepp Blatter during the football organisation's bidding scandal. He was also found handing out Nazi golf balls at a Donald Trump speech.

During Glastonbury Festival in 2015, he ran on to the stage as Kanye West was performing. He pulled a similar stunt on The X Factor in 2014 as boy band Stereo Kicks were playing.


You would think perhaps the organisers of high profile events would be on constant lookout for him by now? His tweet.
posted by Wordshore at 10:07 PM on October 4 [1 favorite]


Imagine yourself as a set designer. The conference organisers have asked you to make sure that the slogan "Building a country that works for everyone" prominently. So you suggest printing it out on a label and putting it in front of the podium where the cameras can't miss it. And knowing your audience you capitalise it and add a couple of union jacks in there. Job done you think.

But somehow that is not enough and the organisers are so enamoured with the brilliance of their slogan, that they want to repeat it on the backdrop behind the PM- that way both the close up shots and the slighter wider ones will see it. The background is a great big,flat Tory-blue surface. You could print the title onto a big blue poster and be done with it. Or - for less money and greater flexibility, you could project the entire background including the logo - both very reliable solutions. But no: you opt to stick the letters up there individually and to get them to stick you use - what? ...fuzzy-felt...spit?

I'm curious about whether the leader's speech was disrupted by the ineptitude of those hired to set it up. by the ineptitude of those who hired or managed them - or by the fact that a random Mancunian hired to do set design or security - might not be a massive supporter of the Conservatives.
posted by rongorongo at 11:00 PM on October 4 [12 favorites]


From the "Things can always get worse" file - a line of May's speech appears to have been plagiarised from the West Wing.
posted by jontyjago at 12:12 AM on October 5 [6 favorites]


Theresa May is being haunted by the ghost of Margaret Thatcher.

Isn't this true of the entire UK?


Makes sense, really. All that piss in her coffin must have driven her to roam around.
posted by romakimmy at 12:12 AM on October 5 [3 favorites]




God, I’d be terrible at politics. In her place I’d have made it halfway at most through that speech before yelling “to hell with the lot of you, you bunch of ungrateful bastards!” at the audience and pelting Boris with Strepsils.

On a different note, this graph illustrates one of their looming problems very neatly. How do you reconcile that policy gulf? Even Labour’s going to struggle there. Although Labour appears to be hitting a better compromise somehow, because despite talk at CPC about coaxing back the 18-24s, Labour won the 25-50s(?) last election as well. No party relying entirely on the pensioner vote has got much of a future, even without Brexit looming like an iceberg ahead.
posted by Catseye at 1:22 AM on October 5 [3 favorites]


Unfortunately, with both Labour and the Tories being practically married to Brexit at this point, I'm increasingly coming round to the idea that it doesn't fucking matter which of them is in power, I'm equally fucked either way. The fuck-Johnny-foreigner nationalism of the current Labour Party is no more palatable than the fuck-you-all kleptocracy of the Tories. Arguably worse, for the pride rather than obfuscation that follows with it. And at least "fuck you all" is fair.
posted by Dysk at 2:28 AM on October 5 [6 favorites]


> Theresa May is being haunted by the ghost of Margaret Thatcher.
Martin Rowson said it best: There is Europe haunting a Spectre.

Would someone please think of the poor spectres!
posted by runcifex at 4:07 AM on October 5 [1 favorite]


I still can't quite figure out why she was wearing a bracelet of Frida Kahlo portraits.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 4:09 AM on October 5 [3 favorites]


Speaking as a citizen of a former colony, you can fuck off with your empire, you can barely rule yourselves.

I'm a citizen of the same former colony. We'd get to live and work in the EU so shhhhhhh.
posted by Talez at 4:13 AM on October 5 [2 favorites]


I still can't quite figure out why she was wearing a bracelet of Frida Kahlo portraits.

I doubt there is anything there. The past year of experience with this PM is that there is no deeper meanings, no Machiavellian plans or subtle signals. It is what it is at the surface:

She thought it was pretty.
posted by vacapinta at 5:32 AM on October 5 [6 favorites]




Maybe this is the British Dream.
posted by Talez at 7:22 AM on October 5


From the "Things can always get worse" file

That file's only getting thicker, as the FT reports on a budgetary "bloodbath" coming up for Philip Hammond:
As much as two-thirds of the £26bn of headroom in the public finances that the chancellor created last year as a buffer for the economy through the Brexit period is likely to be wiped out after the government’s fiscal watchdog concludes its forecasts for growth have been too optimistic.

The Office for Budget Responsibility will publish on Tuesday a new analysis suggesting it has persistently over-estimated Britain’s productivity over the past seven years and will give a broad hint that it will rectify the situation with a more pessimistic Budget forecast.

Slower growth in the forecast will limit deficit reduction and cut the size of the war chest that Mr Hammond put aside to smooth the Brexit transition. This leaves him in an awkward position politically, because he is under increasing pressure to end the austerity cap on public pay, lower the burden of debt on students and build houses.
What a surprise, the Tory government have been cooking the books ever since they came to power.
posted by Doktor Zed at 7:55 AM on October 5 [2 favorites]


She thought it was pretty.

She's not wrong about that, anyway. It is pretty.
posted by orrnyereg at 8:08 AM on October 5 [1 favorite]


Who the fuck is still responding to opinion polls in support of these idiots? I mean, yeah, I know that they are fucked with the under 50s overall, but there are still people my age voting Tory. And y'know what? There's no excuse. No excuse for walking past homeless people multiplying in the streets and thinking "Hmmm, this is OK". No excuse for watching food prices soar and wages stand still while our government does nothing. No excuse for tolerating more taxpayers' money being pumped into our already overheated housing market while a fraction of that is spent on actually building the homes we need. Fuck these pricks. Fuck the people who vote for this. They are not worthy of respect. They're morons or bastards or both.
posted by howfar at 10:08 AM on October 5 [5 favorites]


I still can't quite figure out why she was wearing a bracelet of Frida Kahlo portraits.

Because she's an idiot.

At least we now know the cause of all the recent Mexican earthquakes, though: All those Socialists rolling in their graves.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:12 AM on October 5 [2 favorites]


Labour should make buttons that say OR EVERYONE.
posted by jonp72 at 10:22 AM on October 5 [12 favorites]


May's line "I hope you noticed that - the Chancellor giving something away for free.” when he gave her the cough drop was pretty good though.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 1:15 PM on October 5


May's line "I hope you noticed that - the Chancellor giving something away for free.” when he gave her the cough drop was pretty good though.

Why? We already know Hammond is more than happy to give to those who don't need it.
posted by Talez at 4:03 PM on October 5 [2 favorites]


My wife just made me lol when looking at a news story about the looming coup.

"God, that whole party is a bunch of Slytherins. But the backbench schemers are the worst - they're Crabbes and Goyles but they all think they're Malfoys."
posted by Happy Dave at 9:25 AM on October 6 [6 favorites]


What a mess British politics is at the moment. No one knows how to deliver a successful Brexit, yet neither Corbyn or May look like turning back.

Labour need to be careful of hubris. As they are many seats from a working majority.
posted by 92_elements at 12:08 PM on October 6


BUILDING A COUNTRY FOR ORKS.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:12 PM on October 6 [2 favorites]


Westminster voting intention:

LAB: 42% (+2)
CON: 40% (-2)
LDEM: 5% (-1)
UKIP: 5% (+1)
GRN: 2% (-)

via @OpiniumResearch, 04 - 06 Oct
posted by Chrysostom at 8:13 PM on October 8 [1 favorite]


The fuck? WHO is still, after all, this... thinking it's a good idea to vote Tory?

The party that can't even stick letters to a wall?

The party that treats council flat disaster survivors like Trump treats Puerto Ricans?

Just
posted by tel3path at 4:30 AM on October 9 [1 favorite]




FWIW, that really is an excellent description of what made the Communards great. In a decade filled with decadent flamboyance, they were just a speccy nerd and a ginger in a jean jacket. And they still outgayed every George, George, and Frankie.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:11 AM on October 9


Simple explanation of current status of brexit in UK political terms
posted by lalochezia at 1:59 PM on October 14 [3 favorites]


The latest YouGov poll finally shows a break in the impasse regarding Brexit - 47% think it was a bad idea vs 42% thinking it's good. The same poll has 33% each preferring May and Corbyn as Prime Minister. 35% go for Don't Know.

The problem is the ballot box doesn't have a way of recording the voter throwing their hands up in exasperation.

Vote for Don't Know - the rational choice.
posted by Grangousier at 2:48 PM on October 14


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