I COULD NOT MANUFACTURE THIS DRAMA IF I TRIED
May 26, 2018 12:00 PM   Subscribe

Elizabeth Hernandez, reporter for the Denver Post, got a press release announcing an attempt to break the Guinness world record for waffle stacking. Then things got awesome. (sltwitterthread)
posted by Etrigan (42 comments total) 61 users marked this as a favorite
 
It's making me tear up a little bit. Seriously. Friends!
posted by queensissy at 12:09 PM on May 26, 2018 [1 favorite]


That's awesome....and also, is it just me, or is the record height a lot shorter than I would've thought, if I'd ever thought about the world record for waffle stacking?
posted by rtha at 12:12 PM on May 26, 2018 [28 favorites]


Everything about this was a sheer delight.
posted by leesh at 12:17 PM on May 26, 2018 [2 favorites]


I think I want to live on the Earth where that's the most important news item of the week.
posted by happyroach at 12:21 PM on May 26, 2018 [30 favorites]


Dammit, I ate the last frozen waffle yesterday and I just don't have the energy to dig the waffle iron out of the back of the bottom cupboard behind everything else from the kitchen downsizing and I just really want a waffle is that so much to ask?
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:31 PM on May 26, 2018 [1 favorite]


*pours maple syrup on long johns*
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:32 PM on May 26, 2018 [12 favorites]


I feel like there may be hope in 2018 after all.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:35 PM on May 26, 2018 [3 favorites]




I'm disappointed that Jenga was not attempted.
posted by AFABulous at 12:38 PM on May 26, 2018 [1 favorite]


I really need to spend a few minutes every week searching for nearby events on Facebook, because I'm clearly missing out on some shit.
posted by Lyn Never at 12:41 PM on May 26, 2018 [5 favorites]


It's not just you, rtha - 51 cm (or a little more than 20 inches, for those who measure non-metrically) doesn't seem that tall, although I've never personally tried to stack waffles specifically for height-measuring purposes. Clearly, this is a frontier of human achievement that needed to be further explored, and these folks have done it and set a new standard for us all.
posted by Nat "King" Cole Porter Wagoner at 12:42 PM on May 26, 2018 [3 favorites]


Her enthusiasm was infectious and it made me really happy to read until I clicked away from the thread to see the latest tweet in Hernandez' feed, which was about active shooter drills at a local preschool, and now my enthusiasm has fallen over and I am back to where I started.
posted by ardgedee at 12:46 PM on May 26, 2018 [6 favorites]


when he started embarking on his waffle stacking journey, he received a 40 page PDF from Guinness defining what a waffle was.

Oh Guiness Book people... never stop being you.
posted by hippybear at 1:22 PM on May 26, 2018 [9 favorites]


he received a 40 page PDF from Guinness defining what a waffle was.

100 bucks says this was written by Leslie Knope
posted by ilana at 1:42 PM on May 26, 2018 [20 favorites]


Oh Denver, you're getting a lot wrong these days but this one's pretty right on!
posted by evilDoug at 1:54 PM on May 26, 2018


The naïve armchair physicist might think it's cheating to do this in Denver where you're a mile further from the earth's center, and thus have less gravity, but in fact Denver's got more gravity than average, plus less air providing buoyancy. Plus it's harder to cook things there.

So these folks get even more style points, but it's only matter of time before someone in Sri Lanka or something beats their record.
posted by aubilenon at 2:05 PM on May 26, 2018 [2 favorites]


Unrolled thread version for easier readability.
posted by jzed at 2:15 PM on May 26, 2018 [3 favorites]


Elizabeth Hernandez
@ehernandez
& all you wonderful readers following along should know it will be weird community stories like this in addition to hard news that gets lost when our hedgefund owners Alden Global Capital continue to gut our newsroom. link
posted by amanda at 2:28 PM on May 26, 2018 [15 favorites]


Elizabeth Hernandez
@ehernandez
& all you wonderful readers following along should know it will be weird community stories like this in addition to hard news that gets lost when our hedgefund owners Alden Global Capital continue to gut our newsroom. link

I was happy, and then sad.
posted by T.D. Strange at 2:44 PM on May 26, 2018 [6 favorites]


I needed this. Thank you!
posted by MonkeyToes at 3:42 PM on May 26, 2018 [1 favorite]


I want to hang out with Lizzy. She sounds fun.
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 4:23 PM on May 26, 2018


The official DenPo story.
posted by Etrigan at 4:31 PM on May 26, 2018 [5 favorites]


My wife and I are spending the weekend out of town at one of those hotels who offer a free breakfast buffet. I was super looking forward to a “cheat day” breakfast highlighted by the “Make Your Own Waffle” machine only to find...this hotel doesn’t have one, just some stupid “press a button and a pancake will appear” machine. This link appearing on Metafilter today was like a cruel joke.

(J/K that was wonderful, until the author’s note at the end made me sad)
posted by The Gooch at 4:34 PM on May 26, 2018 [1 favorite]


Those magical pancake robots are wonderous and I reject your scorn of them. The pancake robots do the stuff on their own. Those waffle machines require you to pour your own batter and flip the iron when the thing makes noise. Which is more magical? Pancake robots are like Xerox for food
posted by hippybear at 4:37 PM on May 26, 2018 [5 favorites]


On the one hand, it seems like it wouldn't be hard to beat even this new record, but on the other hand, I feel like I should just let that guy have this.
posted by ckape at 4:39 PM on May 26, 2018 [2 favorites]


This goes in the "Human Achievements" chapter, right?
posted by clawsoon at 4:41 PM on May 26, 2018


Up next: the leaning tower of pizzas!
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:42 PM on May 26, 2018 [4 favorites]


ckape: On the one hand, it seems like it wouldn't be hard to beat even this new record, but on the other hand, I feel like I should just let that guy have this.

Pay attention to the density and stiffness of your waffles. The relevant formula is:
A free-standing, vertical column, with density ρ, Young's modulus (stiffness) E, and cross-sectional area A, will buckle under its own weight if its height exceeds a certain critical value:

h = ((9B^2EI)/(4ρgA))^(1/3)

where g is the acceleration due to gravity, I is the second moment of area of the beam cross section, and B is the first zero of the Bessel function of the first kind of order -1/3, which is equal to 1.86635086…
So cooking them as dry as possible will be the secret. I wonder if the Guinness waffle specification covers that...
posted by clawsoon at 4:53 PM on May 26, 2018 [4 favorites]


(More about the formula: I and A are both characteristics of the shape. Assuming a square waffle, I/A = w2/12, where w is the length of a side of the square. So the formula simplifies down to:

h = (0.0666*E*w2/ρ)1/3

...if you're using SI units. So you'll get a taller pile as stiffness (E) and size of the square (w) go up, and a shorter pile as density (ρ) goes up.)
posted by clawsoon at 5:22 PM on May 26, 2018 [5 favorites]


Do the waffles have to be uniform? Can you use denser but sturdier waffles at the bottom and more fragile but fluffier waffles up at the top?
posted by Zalzidrax at 6:07 PM on May 26, 2018 [1 favorite]


There'll be no topping that one for a while.
posted by duffell at 6:16 PM on May 26, 2018 [4 favorites]


loftywaffle
posted by zamboni at 8:52 PM on May 26, 2018


the leaning tower of pizzas

ಠ_ಠ

Also, Greg_Ace will be pissed that you beat him to it
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:57 PM on May 26, 2018 [3 favorites]


Thank you, clawsoon, for bringing the nerdy realities of waffle engineering!

Count me as another person who is surprised the record isn't higher. Also, I am very curious what the official constraints on waffle stacking are.

There are a lot of records in Guinness that could plausibly be broken by regular folks - a friend of mine's brother was curious about some record (like, dominos falling over in a pattern or something), and while that record was well out of his reach, there was another nearby record that looked totally breakable, so he went and did it.
posted by rmd1023 at 12:47 PM on May 27, 2018 [2 favorites]


These are 100% professional land surveyors. I know because they are out in the blazing sun and none of them is wearing a hat.
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:10 PM on May 27, 2018


“my disabled cat, named Waffle, is hopping (and stumbling) for joy
posted by MexicanYenta at 6:20 PM on May 27, 2018 [4 favorites]


If you watched the videos on the thread, you will see that the tower came very dangerously close to toppling over, so it may be harder than it looks to get it to the height that it is.

Zalzidrax: I'd imagine the Guinness regulations require uniformity for fairness' sake.
posted by divabat at 10:28 PM on May 27, 2018


Waffle the Cat is totes adorbs!

I suppose you're not allowed to use royal icing or other sugar-based mortars.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:29 PM on May 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


So I'm lying in a hospital bed on morphine, not having slept much at all, still in pain, after having slipped down the last half dozen stairs of an outdoor spiral staircase yesterday evening and dislocated and broken my ankle...and reading this made me both laugh and cry with joy. I don't know why, except that I have friends in Colorado who do a lot of DIY projects, and the spirit and delight of this totally reminds me of them. This is great. Thank you for this!
posted by limeonaire at 3:40 AM on May 28, 2018 [2 favorites]


W is for the many ways that you're served

Ouch, limeonaire, hang in there!
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:44 AM on May 28, 2018 [1 favorite]


If you watched the videos on the thread, you will see that the tower came very dangerously close to toppling over, so it may be harder than it looks to get it to the height that it is.

OR, ALTERNATELY

I could choose to believe that it's absolutely trivial to keep stacking waffles and that everyone who has attempted it up to now was just a horrible klutz and that the only thing that keeps me from doubling or tripling the world record for waffle-stacking at any time I decide to is that I am SOOO KIIIIIIND that I CHOOSE not to do so so as not to crush the dignity of the aforementioned horrible klutzes.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 5:29 AM on May 28, 2018 [4 favorites]


your magnanimousness does not go unnoticed.
posted by hippybear at 3:16 PM on May 28, 2018 [1 favorite]


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