I EAT ASS Through the Prism of Supreme Court Precedent
May 11, 2019 4:43 PM   Subscribe

 
not all heroes wear capes, etc.
posted by dis_integration at 4:49 PM on May 11, 2019 [18 favorites]


I live in a part of the country where Rape Hillary and Fuck Obama bumper stickers aren't uncommon. And this guy gets in trouble for THAT?

We live in complicated times.
posted by hippybear at 4:49 PM on May 11, 2019 [35 favorites]


He was so preoccupied with whether or not he could, he didn’t stop to think if he should.
posted by Literaryhero at 5:05 PM on May 11, 2019 [8 favorites]


I EAT AS, as in: alphabet soup letter A’s?
posted by The Toad at 5:08 PM on May 11, 2019 [7 favorites]


This story was on BoingBoing where they had a link to Amazon where they sell loads of these stickers.
posted by njohnson23 at 5:09 PM on May 11, 2019 [2 favorites]


So, reading through the articles, he was arrested as the deputy though it was derogatory, which seems like a very wide reading of the term. Then his defence was that it wasn't obscene because it could refer to something that was non-erotic? It wasn't clear to me what this would be either. Is he eating ass for sustenance?

Then largely besides the point, why is it important to him for others to know that?
posted by biffa at 5:10 PM on May 11, 2019 [5 favorites]


Another Florida man ... story.
posted by mundo at 5:10 PM on May 11, 2019 [3 favorites]


Donkey meat is a delicacy in some places
posted by Pastor of Muppets at 5:11 PM on May 11, 2019 [30 favorites]


Indeed. I saw a butcher shop in Venice with a sign featuring carne d'asino.
posted by sjswitzer at 5:31 PM on May 11, 2019 [6 favorites]


not all heroes wear capes, etc.
And some of them eat ass.
posted by TedW at 5:33 PM on May 11, 2019 [10 favorites]


not all heroes wear capes, etc.

The darkest timeline certainly makes for strange alliances.
posted by mordax at 5:33 PM on May 11, 2019 [7 favorites]


It has been a long time since I've had any donkey, but I can understand the enthusiasm. That said, it's funny that enthusiasts of non-hen chicken meat rarely share that information via sticker. People are puzzles.
posted by maxwelton at 5:34 PM on May 11, 2019 [24 favorites]


Then his defence was that it wasn't obscene because it could refer to something that was non-erotic? It wasn't clear to me what this would be either. Is he eating ass for sustenance?

He was trying to declare his efforts to honor the animals he consumes as part of his diet, by using its body to the fullest and not wasting any part of it by throwing it away!
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:36 PM on May 11, 2019 [1 favorite]


I ate Eselsalami while on sabbatical in Germany last year. To my surprise, it tasted more or less like regular salami as I had always known it. Wikipedia (or some other equally perfunctory web search) suggested that the salami sausage making technique was originally developed for donkey meat, which might mean, and I'm totally speculating here, that when people started making salami out of beef they went out of their way to create something familiar, i.e. make it taste like ass.
posted by sy at 5:49 PM on May 11, 2019 [41 favorites]


simply an obvious interpretation of habeus gluteus
posted by pyramid termite at 5:58 PM on May 11, 2019 [6 favorites]


Not the hero we deserved, but the hero Florida needed.
posted by Kadin2048 at 5:59 PM on May 11, 2019 [8 favorites]


Needs mud guards with "Dirty Sanchez" printed in a classy wedding invitation font.
posted by Burhanistan at 6:26 PM on May 11, 2019 [6 favorites]


Well, I'm vegetarian, but support his right to express his pride in dietary preferences...
posted by greenhornet at 6:28 PM on May 11, 2019 [4 favorites]


Is there any evidence that his claim is true?
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:31 PM on May 11, 2019 [11 favorites]


I mean, I’d hate to have to explain to my 10 year old* that adults lie in statements appliquéd to their trucks or waste public funds by hiring dumbass sheriffs.

* in the interests of full disclosure, I have no 10 year olds, and anyone who lets me plain things to children probably should reconsider.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:38 PM on May 11, 2019 [4 favorites]


by hiring dumbass sheriffs.

Per the story, this should be modified to hiring those as dumb as sheriffs.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:49 PM on May 11, 2019 [23 favorites]


Well, I'm vegetarian, but support his right to express his pride in dietary preferences...

“I Toss Salad” has too many characters for a Florida plate, right?
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:51 PM on May 11, 2019 [4 favorites]


myFlorida.com
AØEN6U5
SUNSHINE STATE
posted by Burhanistan at 6:57 PM on May 11, 2019 [4 favorites]


Is there any evidence that his claim is true?

Probably none that anyone's willing to declare - I mean, would you want to admit to having been intimate with a "Florida Man"?
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:58 PM on May 11, 2019 [2 favorites]


I guess this is as good place as any to post the picture of the guy with the back tattoo of himself eating ass.

(The icing on the cake (so to speak) for this comment is that when I went to Imgur just now to post the picture I was greeted with this header. )
posted by bondcliff at 7:32 PM on May 11, 2019 [28 favorites]


Icing on the glazed ring cake recursive innuendo metaphor even.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:35 PM on May 11, 2019 [3 favorites]


“That’s the parent’s job, not my job,” Webb responded.

Touché Florida man, touché.
posted by SonInLawOfSam at 8:23 PM on May 11, 2019 [8 favorites]


Now discipline the officer for trumping up bullshit charges when he shouldn't have initiated contact at all.
posted by subtle_squid at 8:52 PM on May 11, 2019 [5 favorites]


He was so preoccupied with whether or not he could, he didn’t stop to think if he should.

He was so preoccupied with whether he did, he didn't stop to think whether anyone else wanted to know.
posted by straight at 8:59 PM on May 11, 2019 [7 favorites]


Now discipline the officer for trumping up bullshit charges when he shouldn't have initiated contact at all.

If that were regularly enforced we'd hardly have any cops left on the beat. Not that I'm necessarily advocating against it, mind you.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:01 PM on May 11, 2019 [7 favorites]


Had to take a break and share the Chickendales!
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 9:04 PM on May 11, 2019


I feel like avowedly, the done thing is to eat ass now. Like, everyone's free do to what they like, of course, and no-one's actually checking up on who might be lying, but eating ass has become this sort of shibboleth for not being incredibly behind the times, sexually.

It's taken on a symbolism that encapsulates a range of things, all generally related to seeing beyond PiV as the only sex act.

I don't know if others think the same, but that's how I've viewed the widespread declarations in favour of ass-eating, as not necessarily being actually about that particular act as much as it is about signalling a different understanding of sex.
posted by AnhydrousLove at 10:45 PM on May 11, 2019 [4 favorites]


I have to think, if there ever was one case too far for the ACLU...
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 10:46 PM on May 11, 2019 [1 favorite]


I guess this is as good place as any to post the picture of the guy with the back tattoo of himself eating ass.

That is infinitely classier than I was imagining! Good job that guy.
posted by taquito sunrise at 12:59 AM on May 12, 2019 [4 favorites]


taquito: I'm just glad I don't have your imagination.
posted by biffa at 2:24 AM on May 12, 2019 [4 favorites]


I too was half covering my eyes waiting for that image to load. I don't know what I was expecting, but it was way more graphic than the tattoo actually ended up being.
posted by Literaryhero at 3:19 AM on May 12, 2019 [1 favorite]


when people started making salami out of beef

out of what, now?

(Incidentally, there’s a regional variant that translates to... ass balls.)
posted by progosk at 3:21 AM on May 12, 2019 [1 favorite]


The new stickers will say I EAT ASS AND I *VOTE*.
posted by delfin at 5:40 AM on May 12, 2019 [12 favorites]


Donkey meat is a delicacy in some places

Pretty common in small portions, actually, I had a burrito just the other day.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 5:59 AM on May 12, 2019 [16 favorites]


as not necessarily being actually about that particular act as much as it is about signalling a different understanding of sex.

This is a better comment than this thread deserves.
posted by mhoye at 6:16 AM on May 12, 2019 [9 favorites]


Especially since that back tattoo pic can double as a Calvin Klein advert.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:06 AM on May 12, 2019


Two things:

1) There is undoubtably a story underneath this story; probably some kind of small-town bullshit. The things people advertise on their signs and their cars, everywhere... and this is the one that draws the ire of some cop having a bad morning?

2) Colin Wolf of the Orlando Weekly will never be able to end an article as beautifully as this again:
"It's safe to say this case is about to get tossed." 10/10. Perfection, sir.
posted by Xyanthilous P. Harrierstick at 7:12 AM on May 12, 2019 [9 favorites]


I'm personally more offended by eating donkey than anal-play. For real.
posted by Dressed to Kill at 7:36 AM on May 12, 2019 [2 favorites]


The dash cam video says the cop was going to charge him with "resisting". Resisting what, exactly?

He didn't resist the subsequent arrest at all, which in any case was afterwards.

I'm guessing both the cop and his sergeant get named on a 42 USC 1983 action soon unless the city settles. It's a pretty obvious 1st Am. violation.
posted by saizai at 8:44 AM on May 12, 2019


Ah, plausible de-ani-bility
posted by Glomar response at 9:41 AM on May 12, 2019


”The bottom line is that he and his friends thought it would be funny," Bonderud said, "and he shouldn't end up in jail for making a joke like that."

So first: “Bottom line”. Heh.

Second, I’m suddenly feeling like much more of a brave patriot for sporting my “I F❤️ BIOGAS” sticker, the justification for which is nearly identical.
posted by nickmark at 10:45 AM on May 12, 2019




According to the source article, the deputy ordered Webb to remove one of the letters from the sticker, so that its message would "no longer be derogatory." Webb refused, citing his First Amendment rights, and was then detained and was charged with "obscene writing on vehicles and resisting an officer without violence."

Which is cute. "If I decide that what you stuck on your vehicle should be a crime, you need to physically deface your vehicle on demand or THAT is a crime."
posted by delfin at 11:09 AM on May 12, 2019 [3 favorites]


widespread declarations

I see what you did there.
posted by dephlogisticated at 3:43 PM on May 12, 2019 [1 favorite]


I still don't see how you eat anything, including ass, through a prism.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 4:20 PM on May 12, 2019


It's possible, but you have to rays your own beef then get it processed in a refractory. The result is perfect for a light meal.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:14 PM on May 12, 2019 [5 favorites]


Well my friend Jay Riemenschneider eats horse ass all the time!
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 8:54 PM on May 12, 2019


I guess this is as good place as any to post the picture of the guy with the back tattoo of himself eating ass.


bondcliff, how long have you been saving that pic for the most apropos time to post it?
posted by slogger at 6:25 AM on May 13, 2019


bondcliff, how long have you been saving that pic for the most apropos time to post it?

It came across my Twitter feed a couple months ago and when I saw this thread I figured I would google "eating ass tattoo" so you folks wouldn't have to.
posted by bondcliff at 7:12 AM on May 13, 2019




« Older "She wasn't always Princess Wolf. She was born...   |   “...everything that can be modded now at some... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments