Your Favorite ____ Sucks, Day Drinking Edition
May 13, 2019 7:43 AM   Subscribe

The Take: The Aperol Spritz Is Not a Good Drink (Rebekah Peppler, NYT) "Served in branded, jumbo wine glasses, the sugary apéritif is paired with low-quality prosecco, soda water and an outsize orange slice, resulting in something that drinks like a Capri Sun after soccer practice on a hot day. Not in a good way." There was, as you might expect, a bit of backlash.

As usual when a Bad Take™ appears, the response was swift and merciless:

Entire Internet Agrees Aperol Spritz Is, in Fact, Good (Grub Street tweet roundup by Chris Crowley). My favorite response is "Is this a Bret Stephens column?"

Suddenly, everyone has an opinion on the Aperol Spritz (Becky Krystal, Washington Post)
Frankly, I’m not sure there is a bad way to have a Capri Sun after soccer practice, other than the inevitable struggle to get the straw through the danged punch hole. Even if soccer practice isn’t the place you see when you close your eyes and sip a spritz, I suspect what most imbibers are imagining is, oh, the Piazza San Marco in Venice, a city where the spritz is practically a way of life — at least according to another piece published in the Times in 2010.
The Takeout officially names Aperol Spritz the passable drink of summer (Allison Shoemaker, The Takeout, obvs). After declaring the Aperol Spritz to be "okay" (and noting, as the Post did, that the NYT's Pepler herself wrote basically the same thing in her book), Shoemaker notes:
The opening lede of this sucker is so baffling to me that I seriously considered focusing in on it and only it: “It’s late spring, 6 p.m. Golden hour is nigh. It’s too late for lemonade, too early for whiskey — spritz time on the dot.” I’m sorry, too late for lemonade and too early for whiskey? Did Emily Post write about this and I missed it? Rest assured that it is never too late for lemonade, and only too early for whiskey if you think to yourself, “I do not yet feel like drinking whiskey.”
An Aperol Spritz Tastes Bad—But Spritz Culture Is Good (with the winning subhead "Since when did everything we drink have to be fucking world class?") (Aaron Goldfarb, Esquire)
In Italy, an Aperol Spritz is an ice-cold Bud at the ballgame. It's a Guinness at a Dublin pub. You’re not sitting there closely analyzing these drinks—“I detect some mocha notes”—you’re using them to supplement your life, to relax in the sun while rooting on your team, to pound pints with the boys and have a laugh. As my wife always says to me when I’m geeking out over some exotic cocktail while completely ignoring her: “Can we talk about something besides your stupid drink?”

This is especially true in Italy, whose Aperol Spritzes really aren’t that great—often made using trash ice worse than what you’d get from a Ramada Inn hallway ice machine, and with prosecco you wouldn’t dump in orange juice. The drink is quotidian, and that’s intentional, meant for nothing more than adding a little boost of pleasure to your current situation. I once ranked it the second-best overall “day-drinking” drink around.

So, I presume, when people are saying that Aperol Spritzes are “good,” they are more saying that spritz culture is good. That the friendship and conversation and mere whiling away of an afternoon over a round of spritzes is good. Just look at the much-mocked #spritzlife hashtag on Instagram—wouldn’t you rather be there right now than where you currently are?
Just don't get anybody started on the Aperol Spritz's customary plastic straw.
posted by fedward (118 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
 
It’s nice to see so many media outlets come together and mutually find some way to generate clickbait.
posted by crazy with stars at 7:46 AM on May 13, 2019 [39 favorites]


Let people drink what they like, and just order something else.
posted by SansPoint at 7:47 AM on May 13, 2019


File the aperol spritz under “best lyric in the song Jump by Van Halen” category:

“I’m not the worst that you’ve seen”
posted by nikaspark at 7:49 AM on May 13, 2019 [2 favorites]


I am frightened and confused. I don’t even know what the thing is that I would rhetorically ask if I needed to own to understand this.

What?
posted by Huffy Puffy at 7:50 AM on May 13, 2019 [4 favorites]


Cheap, mass-produced drink variation aggressively pushed by major corporation criticized by writer, internet poptimists tweet foul while chugging Lime-A-Ritas, film at 11.

Also: anticapitalism is dead.
posted by grumpybear69 at 7:56 AM on May 13, 2019 [17 favorites]


Okay, so there's this tweet

Showering is classist now. People mad at aperol. Uber strike. Wiccan life. Gamer blocked his elf wife. We didn’t start the[...]

that was going the rounds this weekend, and I thought to myself, "my life isn't completely a garbage fire - at least I have no idea what aperol even is".

But now my doom has come upon me and I do have an idea. I do.
posted by Frowner at 7:58 AM on May 13, 2019 [49 favorites]


Just have an Americano instead: .5 oz campari, .5 oz sweet vermouth, pour over ice, top with seltzer (or we just use the sparkling water from our soda stream). If you're fancy, add a strip of orange peel. Less sweet and more refreshing than an Aperol Spritz. And if you order one in a bar people think you're ordering coffee which is always funny.
posted by k8bot at 8:01 AM on May 13, 2019 [9 favorites]


it’s a perfectly fine drink, it’s easy going, and it won’t get you hammered midday like a gin and tonic.

Well, then, I would simply choose the gin and tonic
posted by Greg Nog at 8:02 AM on May 13, 2019 [63 favorites]


Showering is classist?
posted by ALeaflikeStructure at 8:03 AM on May 13, 2019 [10 favorites]


Yeah what’s up with showering now? Don’t just dump that in here and wander away! We demand answers.
posted by Automocar at 8:07 AM on May 13, 2019 [5 favorites]


You don't want the answers, any more than I wanted to know why people were "mad" at aperol. Don't stare into the abyss, my friends.
posted by Frowner at 8:09 AM on May 13, 2019 [39 favorites]


Huffy Puffy, I think maybe a Twitter account is the missing piece for that joke? There was a Take™, a bunch of responses on Twitter, a couple roundups, and then a couple of "actually" Takes™ in response to all that. Since this Take™ was identified early on as a Bad Take™ the Twitter responses took the form of Dunks™, easy jokes at the original writer's expense.

"Your favorite ____ sucks" is an old saw of click culture (bands, teams, pro wrestlers, and so on) but I'm not sure the Take Lifecycle™ as we know it now would exist without Twitter. Twitter made bar arguments among friends into a public pastime.
posted by fedward at 8:11 AM on May 13, 2019 [5 favorites]


This is only vaguely related, but I was introduced to the concept of rose' or chardonnay over ice with a splash of soda water by a tobacco-chewing, foul-mouthed, full blooded good old boy Texan construction worker and rancher back when I briefly lived in Austin.

And it blew my mind.

"Man, I have to ask, what the hell are you drinking?"

"Cheap boxed rose' over ice with some soda water."

"WHAT!?"

"Yeah, man, it's really good when it's hot out like this. What, you're surprised a hick like me likes rose'? You want one?"

"Hell yeah I'm surprised. Ok, ok. Hey, that is really good. Like a mimosa without all the sugary fruit juice."

"zactly. Want some chew?"

"Aw hell no."
posted by loquacious at 8:19 AM on May 13, 2019 [52 favorites]


I did it. I looked up why showering is classist. This Nylon article is a rebuttal, but it sums up the original tweetstorm.
posted by tofu_crouton at 8:20 AM on May 13, 2019 [6 favorites]


It’s late spring, 6 p.m. Golden hour is nigh. It’s too late for lemonade, too early for whiskey

Fails from the get-go. It's never too late for lemonade, nor too early for whiskey.
posted by chavenet at 8:21 AM on May 13, 2019 [8 favorites]


If enough of us decline to participate in the rageclick economy it will go away. That's the only reason it exists, because people choose to participate.
posted by mhoye at 8:22 AM on May 13, 2019 [8 favorites]


Campari > Aperol

(But seriously let the spritz people enjoy their drinks and the small pleasure it gives them of being able to reminisce about being in Italy on vacation and how sunny and lovely it was)
posted by sallybrown at 8:25 AM on May 13, 2019 [9 favorites]


Meh, I thought the article was pretty mild. The author seems pretty familiar with spritzes as a drink category and is basically saying that the Aperol Spritz, in the way it is typically served in the US since its sudden popularity—with cheap bubbly and watered down by melting ice, the flavor dominated by the unbalanced use of very sweet, one-note Aperol—is not a good example of the category. This is pretty reasonable. Spritzes are great, and you can make a much more interesting one with very little effort beyond what a boring/bad one requires.

The NYT headline and tone is needlessly fighty, but such is the world we live in now. There's no room for a nuanced critique, you must tell everyone that THE THING THEY LIKE SUCKS AND THEY ARE GARBAGE PEOPLE FOR LIKING IT, because that's how you get clicks and the Grey Lady got bills to pay, yo. This is not really the author's fault or even the NYT's. We live in the shittiest possible timeline, or maybe a simulation overseen by a sadistic god, or maybe a game being played by the sadistic god's dead-eyed adolescent kid. (I'm pretty sure we're just a Sim, starving to death in the bottom of a pool for somebody's amusement.) Clickbait journalism sucks but it's probably not likely to break the top 10 social problems of the year. And if we're throwing stones, far more irritating than needlessly aggro headlines and framing, are watching it work so fucking well by getting Twitter to collectively react like a pithed frog hooked up to a battery. YOUR FAVORITE THING SUCKS. DANCE, MOTHERFUCKERS, DANCE. FEED THE MACHINE WITH YOUR ANGER.

So, yeah. Twitter Hot Takes™ are the worst.

Day drinking and fizzy, mildly-alcoholic drinks are not.
posted by Kadin2048 at 8:26 AM on May 13, 2019 [6 favorites]


My summer drink of choice is the humble Campari and soda. I guess this is an effort by Campari (which owns Aperol) to address two common complaints about that excellent concoction: that it is bitter and seems like it belongs in the 1950s.

But people say that about me, too, and I haven't seen the need to change, so I'm going to just keep on drinking it and screw Twitter and the NYT.
posted by The Bellman at 8:26 AM on May 13, 2019 [16 favorites]


Let me make you a Cynar spritz.
posted by boo_radley at 8:28 AM on May 13, 2019 [22 favorites]


Yeah what’s up with showering now? Don’t just dump that in here and wander away! We demand answers.


I mean, long form short, there was an exceptional multivalent burst of twitter stupidity which apparently started out with people arguing about whether one needs to scrub one's calves or whether the flow of soapy water in the shower is sufficient (already on the face of it an exceptionally stupid argument unless you're basically bullshitting in a bar somewhere).

And then someone tweeted that she herself showered only a few times a week and that the invention of 20th century hygiene practices is just corporate money-making (which is partially true, but she phrased it in an exceptionally smug and annoying manner).

Which then turned into a big pile-on about how marginalized people have to struggle to be clean so it's insulting to claim that, eg, beauty/hygiene industries are corporate or problematic and in fact only rich white people think it's okay to not shower, with everyone detailing their cleanliness processes.

To my mind, the whole thing really proved that in fact just how we clean ourselves and how much is heavily policed and is about performing morality and creating in- and out-groups, whether we're showering a lot or a little, and that there is no "neutral" way of being clean, since we're all always reacting to one stereotype/form of coercion or another.

It was frustrating because there was a good discussion to be had (there are different expectations about cleanliness and race, gender and class which are all used to sell and police, but which interact with each other in complicated ways; how do we claim toknow how much cleanliness is "enough"; how do we claim to know what kinds of cleanliness are effective (like anti-bacterial soap, the very heighth of prudence ten years ago; like the idea that you always exfoliate but whoops it turns out that some people's skin doesn't like that at all, etc etc); how much of "cleanliness" is performative; how have narratives about "cleanliness" shaped people's political struggles, etc etc)....

But instead it was just "my understanding of cleanliness is good and moral and based on real truths, your understanding of cleanliness is bad and either privileged or a sign that you are a pawn of corporate America".

It depressed me out of all proportion, actually, not least because it brought back a lot of hygiene policing memories from junior high and high school. My family is very shower-centric, so that was one thing I was never bullied over - but watching the poor kids, people with slow social response times and the one girl from an abusive home who really didn't shower get bullied about whether they showered enough was a pretty bad memory. (It was always about asking how much they showered and then trying to trip them up - tricking them into admitting that they showered but didn't wash their hair, or that they didn't use conditioner, or whatever so that the pile-on could commence.)

So anyway, I guess I'll be hitting the aperol once I get home.
posted by Frowner at 8:29 AM on May 13, 2019 [39 favorites]


Aperol Spritz has been a thing in Europe for an age, though whether or not there's been a big push recently in the states I have no idea. I quite like it, though in London it can run £7-£8 so I've not exactly been chugging them down. Campari and soda is still my fave.
posted by ominous_paws at 8:30 AM on May 13, 2019


Let me tell you, an Aperol Spritz in the shower is one of life's great pleasures.
posted by weed donkey at 8:34 AM on May 13, 2019 [28 favorites]


I enjoy an Aperol Spritz. Its a fine drink on a hot day, or when you wish it was a hot day. It's not going to change the world, it doesn't have to. It's a drink.

This is a great post, though, I'm delighted to see the whole media twitter take cycle laid out in full for what it typically is, a lil tempest in a teapot with everyone weighing in whether they know what they're talking about or not.
posted by everybody had matching towels at 8:34 AM on May 13, 2019 [3 favorites]


Aperol and Campari are acquired tastes. I’ve ended up liking black olives and still can’t stand aperol and Campari.

A Hugo spritz tho, that’s lovely.

But if you want Aperol or Campari have at it. More St Germain for me.
posted by sio42 at 8:35 AM on May 13, 2019


Campari > Aperol

Fernet > Campari > Aperol

Let me make you a Cynar spritz.

Ok, you win.

Wait, how about an absinthe spritz with a Jaegerbomb?
posted by loquacious at 8:39 AM on May 13, 2019 [5 favorites]


I have no idea what an aperol spritz tastes like. I guess I should have one. I can just go order one at a restaurant? I shall do this.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 8:42 AM on May 13, 2019


The Aperol Spritz is fine. But, since it's normally only served in places where you could instead get either a very good negroni or a genuine picon biere. . . it's pretty rare I can convince myself to order one. On the ranked list of drinks that scratch the same itch, it's always a few places down from the top.

But, I've got nothing against people who love it. Cheers! Even if I permit myself to be a judgemental asshole, it's still better than most mixed drinks.
posted by eotvos at 8:45 AM on May 13, 2019 [3 favorites]


For something a bit more interesting, try my pal Audrey's Intro to Aperol. Also excellent when lengthened with soda.
posted by slkinsey at 8:45 AM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]


Wait, how about an absinthe spritz with a Jaegerbomb?

careful, I don't want the rageclick economy to turn their baleful eye on my humble advocaat spritz
posted by Ten Cold Hot Dogs at 8:45 AM on May 13, 2019 [4 favorites]


No opinion on the cocktail but that bottle of Forthave Marseille Amaro is purdy.
posted by gwint at 8:47 AM on May 13, 2019


Haha, I left out one of the other responses because its tone was apparently too arch and made people angry the wrong way (and not the right way, because that's a thing). It suggested mixing one ounce each of Campari, Cynar, and Fernet over ice in a rocks glass. Stir and enjoy, if you dare. (I haven't dared yet, but I will, because we have all of those amari, and more, and I like trying drinks when I can't predict how they'll taste).
posted by fedward at 8:47 AM on May 13, 2019 [2 favorites]


Let me make you a Cynar spritz.

*Googles*

Holy shit, is that an artichoke? OK, I'm out.
posted by The Bellman at 8:48 AM on May 13, 2019 [10 favorites]


Anyway, on the subject of both day-drinkable drinks and how to write about a slightly-trashy cocktail in a non-grar-y sort of way, I humbly suggest Portugal's entrant, the porto tonico.

Spoiler alert: it's port and tonic water. White port, specifically, but I've had it served with ruby as well. Tawny is probably... not a good way to go.

It's at least in part the big Port houses' attempt at getting millenials to drink their product, demand for which has basically flatlined even as consumption of other wines has soared. But it's still a good drink for a hot day, and you want something refreshing that won't give you an insta-hangover when you know you should probably have a glass of water but want to also get started on alcohol too.

Someone describes it as "what you drink when 'you don’t want to think about what you’re drinking,'" and I think that's not a totally unfair description. Sometimes you want to drink and concentrate on the drink, other times you are doing something else and want a drink that's pleasant and stays the hell out of the way. Porto tonico does that.
posted by Kadin2048 at 8:49 AM on May 13, 2019 [9 favorites]


people are eventually going to get an immune system for this stuff, until somebody A/B tests their way into another form of clickbait, and so on. the question is whether the equilibrium ends up at “healthy media literacy” or “universal brain poisoning”.
posted by vogon_poet at 8:50 AM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]


Tonic and dry white port is delicious! As are a cluster of drinks around it, fino and the spanish semi-lemonade semi-soda being one of them. Nice dryish hot weather drinks. They're great.
posted by ominous_paws at 8:51 AM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]


I mean remember when 99% of online was Upworthy-style headlines, and it felt like it'd be that way forever?
posted by ominous_paws at 8:52 AM on May 13, 2019 [3 favorites]


This is only vaguely related, but I was introduced to the concept of rose' or chardonnay over ice with a splash of soda water by a tobacco-chewing, foul-mouthed, full blooded good old boy Texan construction worker and rancher back when I briefly lived in Austin.


Here in Rochester, we have Genesee Beer (New York's oldest brewery!).
Genny Light is quite light, but still flavorful.
Take a pint glass, fill with ice, Genny Light, and a good splash of cranberry juice.
This is the Genny Rose.
posted by oflinkey at 8:53 AM on May 13, 2019 [9 favorites]


Both the showering thing and the Aperol spritz thing seem like symptoms of the broader Meltdown May phenomenon, which, according to my personal theory, is basically population-level seasonal affective disorder that comes around every spring. There's more light and it's warm out so people have more energy, some of which gets funneled into pointless Internet fights about things that people (sometimes) have strong opinions about but which fundamentally affect no one else and don't really matter at a level beyond personal preference. If this stuff got posted in December, people might get a little mad, but it wouldn't become the focus of hundreds of tweetstorms like these did.
posted by Copronymus at 8:55 AM on May 13, 2019 [6 favorites]


Cheap rose spritzes and ciders tend to be my go-to lightly alcoholic, hot weather drink. I've become particularly fond of the Blake's ciders—and they're easily turned into cocktails with the addition of higher octane booze (a Blake's Tonic cider with gin is delish). As aperitifs go, I'm fonder of Lillet than either Aperol or Campari, but I won't turn down either if I'm offered them.
posted by octobersurprise at 8:56 AM on May 13, 2019


But, since it's normally only served in places where you could instead get either a very good negroni or a genuine picon biere

– and –

whether or not there's been a big push recently in the states I have no idea

So, it was mentioned in a couple of the articles I linked, but yes. There has been a marketing push over here, and you can order an Aperol Spritz in a lot of places where you might not otherwise expect to find it. For various reasons I've had a couple long brunches at P. J. Clarke's, where it's one of the bottomless drinks. I think the last time I was there I had, uh, eight? Ten? The view wasn't the Piazza San Marco, but it wasn't bad, and despite never having an empty glass I didn't hurt at all afterward. I would not be able to say the same thing if I'd never had an empty Bloody Mary or Mimosa.
posted by fedward at 8:58 AM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]


Elisir Novasalus Spritz or GTFO.
posted by slkinsey at 9:01 AM on May 13, 2019 [3 favorites]


"Un spritz ? Nang, un Ricard, s'il vous plait."
posted by os tuberoes at 9:02 AM on May 13, 2019 [3 favorites]


I have no idea what Aperol is but now I feel like I have a concrete, achievable goal for this week. Thanks!
posted by fluttering hellfire at 9:03 AM on May 13, 2019 [2 favorites]


Elisir Novasalus Spritz or GTFO.

Oh $deity, that stuff is quite possibly worse than Malört in my book. Here, you can have mine. I'm not going to finish it.
posted by fedward at 9:06 AM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]


Aperol spritz was my drink of choice a couple of years ago, until one nice, Fall day. I drank too many and fell asleep outside with my usually indoor only cat. Woke up and panicked that my cat wasn't within sight. Found him, was promptly bitten, because I hadn't noticed he was fence fighting with another cat. I ended up having to go to the hospital because the bite became infected, animal control was called, and my cat had to go to cat jail at the animal shelter for a week because I hadn't taken him in to get his rabies shot on time. I haven't had an Aperol spritz since! But, I liked them.
posted by BooneTheCowboyToy at 9:07 AM on May 13, 2019 [40 favorites]


Get yourself a twangy guitar, BooneTheCowboyToy, you have yourself a country hit on yours hands!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:11 AM on May 13, 2019 [15 favorites]


I'm delighted to see the whole media twitter take cycle laid out in full for what it typically is, a lil tempest in a teapot with everyone weighing in whether they know what they're talking about or not.

Ok but let's not get too smug on here, the very website where we had an epic thread on sitting vs. standing whilst wiping.

le Twitter, c'est nous.
posted by emjaybee at 9:14 AM on May 13, 2019 [8 favorites]


Capri Sun after soccer practice? Maybe in an episode of The Growing Pains, where kids also received something called an "allowance".
posted by Brocktoon at 9:17 AM on May 13, 2019


I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that “the paper of record” is resorting to hyperbolic, click-bait headlines and reaping the profits of whipping up sentiment. I think I’m just sad at the reality.
posted by Revvy at 9:18 AM on May 13, 2019


let's not get too smug on here, the very website where we had an epic thread on sitting vs. standing whilst wiping.

Beanplating may have become a national pastime, but we can always say that we were there first.
posted by octobersurprise at 9:23 AM on May 13, 2019 [4 favorites]


The internet machine is kind of getting more broken. I think the shower thing is where I kinda maybe noped out. I mean I'm still hanging around but y'all fuck I'm getting tired of this.
posted by nikaspark at 9:23 AM on May 13, 2019 [9 favorites]


Because we are a house divided on spritz life, I've found those 4 pack cans of sparkling wine from Trader Joe's to be perfect for my needs. I tend to be lazy about the orange slice and instead add a few dashes of orange bitters. Perfect for warm weather patio reading!

I actually avoided ordering them because they seemed so annoyingly trendy, but sometimes things are popular for a reason (not *just* the marketing push).
posted by mandymanwasregistered at 9:25 AM on May 13, 2019




Indeed, that does sound like a dare.

posted by slogger at 9:31 AM on May 13, 2019


aperol, cynar, campari, fernet; all of these are varying levels of repellent to me, but none so much as the grotesque hierbas ibicencas, which is made from weeds that grow on the side of the road all over the island's interior, and on a rainy day in the summer the entire countryside smells of this horror. it is Bad and i am not sorry.

nb my dislike of it stems directly from the discreditable moment i snatched a drink away from a friend when i was choking on a dry crumbly pill, and swigged half of it thinking it was a less repellent but still icky vodka red bull. but no. an entire glass of room temp hierbas. it was upsetting for everyone.
posted by poffin boffin at 9:43 AM on May 13, 2019 [2 favorites]


also that person who is proud of not washing her asshole is an imbecile, good day.
posted by poffin boffin at 9:45 AM on May 13, 2019 [10 favorites]


Malort neat with a pickle back!

Aperol doesn't do it for me compared to Campari or the other more bitter amaros, but I also can't have much sugar, enjoy the taste of cilantro, and am a glutton for things that are melt-your-face spicy, so I'm used to the idea that my palate may differ from the mean.
posted by aspersioncast at 9:46 AM on May 13, 2019 [2 favorites]


I've found those 4 pack cans of sparkling wine from Trader Joe's to be perfect for my needs.

They're also ideal for that end-of-evening-watching-tv-by-yourself time when you want wine but don't want to open a bottle.
posted by octobersurprise at 9:46 AM on May 13, 2019 [2 favorites]


it's weird bc i thought i liked bitter-tasting things? but i guess it was sour all along? not sure? what non-alcohol other than black coffee do people categorize as bitter?
posted by poffin boffin at 9:53 AM on May 13, 2019


I appreciate that we take our offended beanplating here instead of feeding into someone else's monetized clicks, but I can't figure out why y'all aren't drinking Pimm's Cups instead. Though the rosé spritz is great also.
posted by a halcyon day at 9:55 AM on May 13, 2019 [5 favorites]


It looks like Aperol's campaign is working. Marketing got the US to love Jagermeister (of all weird random things) in less than a decade; I guess anything is possible in these sorts of markets.

Spritz is great fun in the summer, even if it is as simple as a cheap and cheerful box rosé and soda on ice with a bit of citrus. (having a moment here)

Gentians are having a bit of a moment right now. Here's an interesting looking Australian one, that uses Suze, a bit more bitter than Apreol, but sensibly served kind of like a Collins: The First Post. I admit to being a bit of a sucker for absinthe though.
posted by bonehead at 9:57 AM on May 13, 2019


what non-alcohol other than black coffee do people categorize as bitter?

On the sweeter side but Chinotto is my semi-substitute now that I don’t really drink.
posted by sallybrown at 9:57 AM on May 13, 2019 [2 favorites]


This is only vaguely related, but I was introduced to the concept of rose' or chardonnay over ice with a splash of soda water by a tobacco-chewing, foul-mouthed, full blooded good old boy Texan construction worker and rancher back when I briefly lived in Austin.

Ooh, also not super-related, but I'd like to share that I just learned about a fantastic drink with a fantastic name: Ranch Water. It's apparently very popular in West Texas, where you need to stay hydrated while you drink. It's a shot or half a shot of tequila, a bunch of lime juice and then you fill up the rest of your glass with Topo Chico. And then as you drink it you keep adding Topo Chico so that it gets continuously watered down. Ranch Water! It's fun to drink AND fun to say!
posted by aka burlap at 10:09 AM on May 13, 2019 [11 favorites]


I've never had Aperol, spritz or otherwise, and have no strong feelings about the product...except that the name "Aperol" sounds like an over-the-counter medication. ("Ask your doctor if Aperol is right for you. May cause dizziness and euphoria. Do not operate heavy machinery.")
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:10 AM on May 13, 2019 [2 favorites]


Holy shit, is that an artichoke? OK, I'm out.

Cynar doesn't taste anything like artichokes. It's delicious and amazing in the right cocktail, though I would not drink it straight.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 10:16 AM on May 13, 2019 [8 favorites]


“It’s made with bits of real ape, so you know it’s good.”
posted by Huffy Puffy at 10:22 AM on May 13, 2019 [7 favorites]


i love cynar w soda but also am riding the fernet mentho pony right now.
posted by PinkMoose at 10:24 AM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]


Kir Royale (crème de cassis and champagne) for my favorite sitting-on-the-back-porch-in-the-early-twilight fizzy aperitif.

As for the “cultural values of cleaning” tangent frowner addressed above, I’ve had the pleasure of living for protracted periods (a month or longer) with over seventy people at different times of my life, representing about fifteen different nationalities. It is astounding how many different protocols there are for just washing dishes, and how passionate people can be about their particular method.

Which reminds me of this dialogue from when I was renting a room from a middle-aged Dutch couple for a few months back in 1998, in which my doing some chores was part of the deal:


Me: “Okay, I vacuumed the hall and cleaned the bathroom...”

Dutch housewife: *pauses from making granola to look at me intently* “Is it clean...or is it Dutch clean?”

Me: “...”

Her: “...”

Me: “I’ll go over it again.”
posted by darkstar at 10:26 AM on May 13, 2019 [8 favorites]


Cynar doesn't taste anything like artichokes. It's delicious and amazing in the right cocktail, though I would not drink it straight.

On the other hand I like Cynar straight and find it difficult to mix with. In a couple tastings though I've found I prefer (DC local) Don Ciccio's C3 Carciofo, which makes Cynar seem a bit one-note. If you like Cynar and you have access to Don Ciccio products where you live, you should try it out.
posted by fedward at 10:29 AM on May 13, 2019 [3 favorites]


Kir (creme de cassis and white wine) or Kir Royale (substitute champagne for the white wine) and you have my favorite sitting-on-the-back-porch-in-the-early-twilight fizzy aperitif.

My in-laws used to be big on Kir as their go-to cocktail, and we like to order a Kir Royale instead of champagne for a celebratory drink for anniversary dinners and such.

I made a pitcher of Negronis for a big fancy dinner party a couple of months ago, but not many people seemed to be into it. Maybe I should have done Aperol Spritz instead, but it was still cold and wintery outside at the time.
posted by briank at 10:39 AM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]


On the other hand I like Cynar straight and find it difficult to mix with.

My local did a seasonal cocktail last year that was a nettle infusion with Cynar and some other stuff, garnished with a real dried, pressed nettle leaf float.

It was actually really good, like a smokey sort of green wheat-grassy earthy flavor and a hint of roasted veggie umami and sweetness.
posted by loquacious at 10:45 AM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]


top with seltzer (or we just use the sparkling water from our soda stream)

That sparkling water that comes out of your soda stream is seltzer. This whole thread makes me feel like I woke up in some bizarro-universe.
posted by a box and a stick and a string and a bear at 10:47 AM on May 13, 2019 [6 favorites]


Hahahaha oh man. I read some glowy little thing about Aperol Spritz last summer, and thought it sounded like the perfect thing (I like Campari and soda, and I love champagne), so called my husband who was in transit from another city coming home and made him stop in the duty free to get Aperol.

It was not good. I tried to choke one down, then just drank the rest of the champagne.

That bottle of Aperol sat on our kitchen counter for months and months looking soignée but making me shudder. I almost Asked Metafilter what food recipes one might use Aperol in — until finally my husband drank most of it, in a few sessions of those wee hours when your regular drink is all out, but you're not done Skyping with your buddy. Boy was I glad to see that bottle go to it's final reward.
posted by taz at 10:48 AM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]


I had a Twitter Hot Take in a bar once. It was 2oz of Everclear, over ice, topped off with an unending scream.

It was... not so refreshing.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:54 AM on May 13, 2019 [11 favorites]


I'm comfortable with my distaste for bitter amaros and IPAs simply as the flipside of being able to eat cilantro, and I wouldn't be surprised if there was a similar genetic underpinning to it.
posted by rhizome at 10:59 AM on May 13, 2019 [3 favorites]


In other beverages news, here is a history of Coca Cola's Beverly non-alcoholic apéritif and its connection to Epcot:
Meet Beverly: The Italian Connection.
posted by chrchr at 11:18 AM on May 13, 2019 [4 favorites]


Both the showering thing and the Aperol spritz thing seem like symptoms of the broader Meltdown May phenomenon, which, according to my personal theory, is basically population-level seasonal affective disorder that comes around every spring.

YES. THANK YOU FOR THIS. Meltdown May! maybe this includes the people who aren't getting laid (but want to be) come spring? which possibly includes the imbecile who is proud of not washing her butthole for anticapitalist solidarity reasons or whatever.

Malor neat

Metafilter has a firm antitrolling policy.
posted by schadenfrau at 11:21 AM on May 13, 2019 [4 favorites]


Drink what you fancy, but daily showering is mandatory. Don't be disgusting.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 11:29 AM on May 13, 2019


The North American Spritz/Aperol Spritz is bad, mostly due to the fact that Aperol has bastardized it with their recent market push.
The original drink, the Spritz Veneziano, is 6 cl Prosecco, 4 cl Aperol (or Campari, or another "bitter" spirit) & soda water. Aperol's current recipe calls for an equal part of Aperol to the Prosecco (because they want you to buy more Aperol of course) but that changes the flavour enough that it's just not the same.
I had a few in Venice, and many more since, and really enjoy them but don't think of them as top level cocktails... they are just a nice refreshing accompaniment to a day, or some cicchetti.
posted by Laura in Canada at 11:42 AM on May 13, 2019 [4 favorites]


Drink what you fancy, but daily showering is mandatory. Don't be disgusting.

*laughs* I live like twenty miles from the nearest actual town in the woods. Our water is trucked in. The hot water heater also doesn't work. I bathe and scrub all my bits every few days by boiling water on a stove top, then diluting that with cold water and scrubbing down standing in a tub like it's 1880. It's a royal chore and pain in the ass. I also make use of a lot of wet wipes and gel alcohol for hygiene and scrub up every day, but I don't get to have a full on shower every day.

I've had, oh, three modern showers with running hot water and a showerhead so far this year. Heck, I've bathed in rainwater as well as melted and boiled snow. I've had to do laundry by hand in rainwater in a bucket with Dr. Bronner's.

It's not actually disgusting.

And I'm not alone in this neck of the woods. There's a large amount of underhoused or rurally housed people around here that live in trailers, converted school buses, on boats and more.

Some people do it intentionally for reasons of permaculture, living a low impact life and not using so much water, especially if they're living off grid, with a well, or using primarily collected rainwater for everything but drinking.

And, frankly, I'm glad I have electricity and a water tank and a pump and this much access to clean water. This is more than most of the rest of the world has.

Blah, weird derail, but, no, seriously. Not showering every day isn't disgusting. It's pretty common.
posted by loquacious at 11:52 AM on May 13, 2019 [26 favorites]


The Aperol Spritz IS a bad drink, and that's okay. Encourage your tasteless friends to drink aperol so you can enjoy the best part of it -- the fun color -- without personally imbibing the weird, flabby stuff.
posted by grandiloquiet at 11:55 AM on May 13, 2019


> Here in Rochester, we have Genesee Beer (New York's oldest brewery!). Genny Light is quite light, but still flavorful. Take a pint glass, fill with ice, Genny Light, and a good splash of cranberry juice. This is the Genny Rose.

That would not be my thing, but it sounds much better than draft Kronenbourg with a shot of grenadine, which is an actual thing in France.
posted by desuetude at 11:56 AM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]


darkstar, I would be delighted by a summary of your comparative dishwashing and housekeeping experiences.

(My mother inherited `Dutch clean' as the highest standard of cleanliness and in her case it was a reference to `Dutch' communities in the US who are otherwise thought of as German.)
posted by clew at 12:06 PM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]


I don't know that washing your butt with Aperol would be very hygienic. Or a spritz for that matter.
posted by bonehead at 12:08 PM on May 13, 2019 [5 favorites]


That drink’s called a Wiperol right?
posted by nikaspark at 12:15 PM on May 13, 2019 [3 favorites]


That would not be my thing, but it sounds much better than draft Kronenbourg with a shot of grenadine, which is an actual thing in France.

Ahhh would that be the Monaco? FOND REMEMBRANCES
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 12:20 PM on May 13, 2019


I have lately been avoiding the Twitter Spritz™ - I finally realized the combination of sharp bitterness, sour undertones, and zero nutritional value almost always makes it an unpleasant addition to my day.
posted by PhineasGage at 12:24 PM on May 13, 2019 [3 favorites]


Home made wine coolers are fun and easy! I learned how to do it as a bartender but it is so simple anyone can do it. Just mix wine and seltzer with a splash of something else for flavor.

The flavor is where the fun comes in. You can use pretty much anything but fruity, sweet, or bitter are your best bets.
Bitter has been pretty well covered here but for fruity/sweet try Grenadine or Creme de Cassis. Pineapple and Blue Curacoa is good too. Pineapple and Midori also works if you like Sex on the Beach. Go crazy but don't get carried away on the liquor. It should be just a splash. If you want something strong have a cocktail instead.

You can use ice or not as you prefer. Ice waters down the drink and makes it better on a hot day or when you don't want to get too tore up. Also add the seltzer last and don't shake after unless you want it flat.
posted by iamnotangry at 12:32 PM on May 13, 2019 [3 favorites]


Ctrl+F Bartles & Jaymes
"Not found"
*wanders off muttering about Kids These Days*
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:44 PM on May 13, 2019 [3 favorites]


A bit of Crème de cassis is also a nice way to doctor up wine that's either just not very good, or has been sitting out and started to oxidize or otherwise taste funny. You know, that last glass in the bottom of the bottle from the night before that got left out on the counter.

It is a hell of a hangover engine if you aren't careful and don't put in any soda water, though.

IIRC young white wine and Crème de cassis is called a "Kir" in France, although I've never ordered one there by that name so I don't know if you'd get blank stares or what.
posted by Kadin2048 at 1:12 PM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]


it would be pretty cool if there was a parallel internet, a schminternet of sorts, where dumb fun hot takes could be debated with no stakes, absent any context or meaning, and everyone would know it had no bearing on the normal internet where the life of the mind could proceed. a glorious world where the no showering hippie lady and the anti aperol folks could frolic freely and we could duck in and out at will just to keep tabs, but not to, like, stay.

are frogs cute? how do coasters work, really? cheese is just expired milk!
posted by wibari at 1:42 PM on May 13, 2019 [4 favorites]


A shot of Malört in a Stiegl grapefruit radler is a bittersweet Chicago summer treat.
posted by me3dia at 1:53 PM on May 13, 2019 [3 favorites]


are frogs cute? how do coasters work, really?

How cute are frog coasters?
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:54 PM on May 13, 2019 [2 favorites]


what non-alcohol other than black coffee do people categorize as bitter?

Chocolate, citrus peel, Tea, many green vegetables . . .

Seconding Don Ciccio's Carciofo - and if you're in DC or in their distribution market you can also get their versions of Campari and Fernet, both of which are quite nice if you're into the whole amaro thing.
posted by aspersioncast at 2:11 PM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]


IIRC young white wine and Crème de cassis is called a "Kir" in France, although I've never ordered one there by that name so I don't know if you'd get blank stares or what.



Yes, it’s well known in France, especially in the south. As I mentioned above, if you use champagne instead of white wine, it’s a Kir Royale. Two of those while visiting on the patio before dinner is the bestest way to while away the twilight in Provence, imho.


Just keep the pastisse away from me. You folks who find that anise/licorice flavor to be “refreshing” are the purest example of how otherwise normal-seeming people can be mind-bogglingly alien.
posted by darkstar at 2:26 PM on May 13, 2019 [4 favorites]


Ctrl+F Bartles & Jaymes

Thank you for your support.
posted by octobersurprise at 2:54 PM on May 13, 2019 [6 favorites]


draft Kronenbourg with a shot of grenadine, which is an actual thing in France.

More than a decade ago, a German friend told me that Red Bull & sekt was the popular drink among her friends.
posted by octobersurprise at 3:00 PM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]


Boy, if there was ever a case for Let People Enjoy Things....
posted by praemunire at 3:28 PM on May 13, 2019 [3 favorites]


And if we're throwing stones, far more irritating than needlessly aggro headlines and framing, are watching it work so fucking well by getting Twitter to collectively react like a pithed frog hooked up to a battery.

I dunno. Making fun of stupid takes is amusing and making fun of a dumb NYT article about which drink you should be drinking is about the most harmless version of this that I can imagine.

Maybe it's a bad pleasure to indulge in at all. Maybe it's fine if enjoyed responsibly in moderation.
posted by straight at 3:50 PM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]


When I worked in an essentially non-airconditioned kitchen in Arizona, summer time meant vodka sodas with lots of lime and ice. Cheap beer gets undrinkable warm very quickly. If you're slamming them fast enough to be cold you were going to be hammer drunk in no time.
posted by nestor_makhno at 3:53 PM on May 13, 2019 [2 favorites]


People! You only drink them in Italy. And it's not about the taste, it's about the free potato chips, and maybe a couple of olives and slices of salami.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 5:10 PM on May 13, 2019 [6 favorites]


I feel like this is the White Zinfendel of the 1980's. Something that people like to drink, but it's not cool enough for the rest of you, so let's shit on it and the rest of the crowd can also cry, "it's not cool!" For fuck's sake. Let people drink what they want.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 7:24 PM on May 13, 2019


It just tastes like perfume to me.
posted by rhizome at 9:14 PM on May 13, 2019


White zin + carbonated water + aprerol = SPRITZLYFE!!!!

Man I do not get people caring so much about others enjoying something they don’t like the taste of. It’s not like is has an overwhelming smell or something.

I can’t drink Bartles & James anymore because of hot pink vomit flashbacks (I had tofu dogs for dinner that night in college!), but that’s just more for the true wine cooler devotees out there.
posted by mandymanwasregistered at 9:33 PM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]


I saw the Hot Pink Vomit Flashbacks open for the Ramones back in the day.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:06 PM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]


> That would not be my thing, but it sounds much better than draft Kronenbourg with a shot of grenadine, which is an actual thing in France.

Ahhh would that be the Monaco? FOND REMEMBRANCES


I witnessed it at Limoges and in the Dordogne. It is said to be a girldrink thing but is in reality practiced mostly by older men, in my observation.
posted by desuetude at 11:18 PM on May 13, 2019


The Aperol Spritz feeling, in song form (albeit about the closely related Campari Soda), by Swiss one-hit wonders Taxi.
posted by ogorki at 11:23 PM on May 13, 2019


I think Aperol Spritzes are well and good, but this is my favorite brunch cocktail:
1 part bourbon
1 part aperol
1 part amaro
1 part lemon

Shake + Strain over ice.
Top with prosecco.
It's a modified 'Paper Plane' (yes after that M.I.A. song).

Trust me.
posted by lkc at 12:29 AM on May 14, 2019 [1 favorite]


Nobody is having their Aperol Spritz snatched from their hands. The whole concept of "letting" people do things, as if by publishing an article the author is suddenly denying people agency, is a tired hyperbolic trope. I can see why such an article could be perceived as snobbery - in this instance I happen to disagree - but since when did, say, bad movie or album reviews actually stop people from seeing a movie or listening to an album that they wanted to see or listen to? Never, that's when. SpritzLyfe will continue unabated, and those who want a different take on the popular drink are now more informed re: options.
posted by grumpybear69 at 5:47 AM on May 14, 2019 [4 favorites]


This would be a reasonable take if there was a single chance in hell that the original article was written with the intention to "to inform people re: options" and not as grade-a flamebait
posted by ominous_paws at 6:06 AM on May 14, 2019 [2 favorites]


I mean, if you, like, read the whole article, the second half tells you:

- The history of the spritz
- The ratio of ingredients
- How to make your own, including a variety of ingredients and how they impact the flavor
- Where to find spritz recipies

So I don't know about you, but I'm certainly more informed about spritzes after reading it, regardless of the "intention."
posted by grumpybear69 at 6:17 AM on May 14, 2019 [5 favorites]


If you changed the title of the article it would probably not come across nearly as much as flamebait, and my understanding is that in most cases authors don't get to pick the titles that articles actually run with, that's an editor's decision. So I don't think it's fair to say that the article was necessarily written with that intention.

I think it's entirely possible that it was written in a much less grar-y way but got tuned up in the editing process, because that's what sells papers (or clicks/eyeballs, these days), and in truth if it had been written more mildly, the chances we'd be talking about it now are virtually nil. So... yeah. This is why we can't have nice things or something.
posted by Kadin2048 at 7:40 AM on May 14, 2019 [2 favorites]


I mean, if you, like, find yourself writing like this at other users, maybe it's a good time to kick back with a couple spritzes for a while
posted by ominous_paws at 7:43 AM on May 14, 2019 [2 favorites]


Here's, like, my new, like, cocktail, in, like, honor of this subthread:

- 3 parts TJ sparkling wine
- 2 parts Sprite Lymonade
- 1 part A-1 Steak Sauce

It's, like, called the "Keep Summer Safe."
posted by grumpybear69 at 7:46 AM on May 14, 2019 [4 favorites]


You forgot the bitters
posted by ominous_paws at 7:55 AM on May 14, 2019


Metafilter: informed about spritzes
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:52 AM on May 14, 2019 [4 favorites]


Unicum and Mexican coke is actually kinda good, if your body can handle the sugar.
posted by aspersioncast at 8:15 PM on May 15, 2019


Is day drinking allowed in Chat? Encouraged, even? I could be interested in that. "Asking for a friend", as is the way of our people.
posted by theora55 at 10:05 AM on May 16, 2019 [2 favorites]


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