Not Pounded By Anything As I Practice Responsible Social Distancing
March 14, 2020 10:49 AM   Subscribe

Chuck Tingle brings out his latest work for free, Not Pounded By Anything As I Practice Responsible Social Distancing. This no sex tale is 4,100 words of self-quarantine action, including learning safe habits, respecting boundaries, and doing your part for the health and safety of others. [.pdf link on webpage]
posted by hippybear (28 comments total) 70 users marked this as a favorite
 
This really is quite lovely. I like how his eating lasagna substitutes for the usual sexytimes porn.
Eventually, the meal is completed and I find myself sitting alone at my table, a beautiful plate of steaming, gooey lasagna sitting before me. I smile as I cut into it, breaking off a selection with my fork and then lifting up to my mouth slowly. I take a huge bite, the bountiful flavors hitting my taste buds immediately. The sensation is incredible, and I chew extra slow just to savor every moment of this wondrous meal.
posted by Nelson at 10:54 AM on March 14 [23 favorites]


I truly, honestly love Chuck Tingle so much.
posted by palomar at 11:16 AM on March 14 [35 favorites]


That quote made me tear up a bit. Sometimes it is just the small moments in life that make everything bearable.
posted by affectionateborg at 11:18 AM on March 14 [3 favorites]


Chuck Tingle for President.
posted by BlahLaLa at 11:32 AM on March 14 [23 favorites]


Dr. Chuck Tingle, that ol' living humidifier.
Dr. Tingle for Federally-Recognized Wetland.
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:38 AM on March 14 [7 favorites]


You know, MetaFilter turned into a hardcore sex blog so gradually, I didn't even notice. Yeesh!
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 12:00 PM on March 14 [19 favorites]


Isn't there an interview with his son where his son is talking about what a genuine and good person he is?
posted by tllaya at 12:07 PM on March 14


Dr. Chuck Tingle: hardcore sex blogger, two time Hugo Award Finalist
posted by billjings at 12:08 PM on March 14 [7 favorites]




Isn't there an interview with his son where his son is talking about what a genuine and good person he is?
posted by tllaya at 12:07 PM on March 14 [+] [!]


IamA Jon Tingle, son of bestselling romance author Chuck Tingle who is responsible for titles like Space Raptor Butt Invasion and Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt. I edit and help him publish his books. AMAA!
posted by Kibbutz at 12:16 PM on March 14 [8 favorites]


Tingle is a good buckaroo.
posted by praemunire at 12:25 PM on March 14 [3 favorites]


if Robin Quivers were Chuck's running mate it would be TINGLE/QUIVERS 2020
posted by Lyme Drop at 12:39 PM on March 14 [14 favorites]


Dr. Tingle is the Author For Our Times.
posted by ChrisR at 12:41 PM on March 14


Lyme Drop: "if Robin Quivers were Chuck's running mate it would be TINGLE/QUIVERS 2020"

If he were running with actor Halle it would be TINGLE/BERRY 2020
posted by chavenet at 12:45 PM on March 14 [14 favorites]




Kibbutz: IamA Jon Tingle, son of bestselling romance author Chuck Tingle who is responsible for titles like Space Raptor Butt Invasion and Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt. I edit and help him publish his books. AMAA!

The AMA is 100% also part of the fictional persona, though it's very cleverly crafted.
posted by capricorn at 1:16 PM on March 14 [5 favorites]


Chuck tingle is a National Treasure
posted by supermedusa at 1:43 PM on March 14 [2 favorites]


What the hell? I was literally just thinking about Chuck Tingle a few minutes ago, as one does, and then I load up MeFi and BOOM.
posted by brundlefly at 1:46 PM on March 14 [1 favorite]


This proves love brundlefly.
posted by Jimbob at 2:00 PM on March 14 [18 favorites]


This same Tingle page also has something for ladies who love ladies and people who like reading sexy stories about them. "The Physical Manifestation of Washing My Hands Gets Me Off". Despite the website description there are no sentient lesbian jet skis. There is, however, more food as porn
I unwrap my burger completely, holding it tight in my hands as I lift the delicious creation to my mouth and take an enormous bite. The taste is absolutely incredible, the wonderful red and yellow sauces running down my hands in long streaks. I close my eyes and let out a satisfied groan as I chew, slowly allowing the flavors to overwhelm my senses. I swallow deeply, then stick out my tongue, diving in to lick up the sauces as they continue to run down my arm in streaks.
posted by Nelson at 2:06 PM on March 14 [2 favorites]


This is great and... where's the phone sex/videoconferencing erotica??

Pounded in the Imagination by the Studly Voice of...
posted by overglow at 2:43 PM on March 14 [4 favorites]


videoconferencing erotica??

I'm already pounded in the ear by the feedback from that one idiot who doesn't mute his mic when not talking.
posted by 445supermag at 3:03 PM on March 14 [24 favorites]


videoconferencing erotica

It's called camming, and friends tell me that some web sites are significantly less bad about protecting the privacy and online security of the workers who use them, so do a little research first and be responsible about supporting workers' rights. (I don't know which web sites are which, sorry. I can ask though if anyone needs the info.)
posted by eviemath at 3:08 PM on March 14 [2 favorites]


The AMA is 100% also part of the fictional persona, though it's very cleverly crafted.

Hasn't this been debunked enough by now? He has two podcasts and has been a guest at lots of cons. I have met him. He is who he is. Many of us among his fans are also neurodivergent and that's part of what we like about him, to some his persona reads as perfectly genuine and organic. Chalking it up to being fake just because it's weird or unfamiliar is kind of insulting.

Anyway, as often noted on metafilter, Chuck Tingle is the hero we need but don't deserve.
posted by robotdevil at 3:09 PM on March 14 [25 favorites]


If Joshua Bell married The Rock and they decided to hyphenate and then Chuck Tingle ran for President with either of them as a running mate the ticket would be TINGLE/BELL-ROCK 2020
posted by Pickman's Next Top Model at 6:59 PM on March 14 [17 favorites]


Or the even more popular (around these parts) TINGLE/ROCK-BELL 2020.
posted by hippybear at 7:13 PM on March 14 [19 favorites]


HOW DID I MISS TINGLE/ROCK-BELL
posted by Pickman's Next Top Model at 7:26 PM on March 14 [5 favorites]


Chuck Tingle really is Mr Rogers for adults.
posted by straw at 7:57 PM on March 14 [5 favorites]


I have met him. He is who he is.

What the heck is he like?!?! I continue to be baffled that presumably someone is copyediting him so he sounds coherent in publishing but then....not so much online.
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:10 AM on March 15 [1 favorite]


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