"We got weights in fish!"

October 3, 2022 6:24 PM

Two fishermen cheated in a tournament, got in over their heads, are now up a creek without a paddle
posted by Etrigan (103 comments total)

Hoping there's an anal bead angle to this cheating story, too.
posted by entropone at 6:32 PM on October 3, 2022 [23 favorites]

Hoping there's an anal bead angle to this cheating story, too.

Probably more of a "weight-forward spinner" angle.

[Marge Simpson voice]: I expect this sort of behaviour at a bass tournament. But walleye?
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:45 PM on October 3, 2022 [29 favorites]

The crowd roars. “Call the cops!” someone shouts. “You need to go to jail!” another adds.

Only in america will people scream for prison time because of crooked fishing, but an attempt to overthrow democracy? Not so much.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:47 PM on October 3, 2022 [65 favorites]

From what I understand the cheaters were winning tournaments left and right and took in $300,000 in prizes last year alone, including a boat valued at $150K.
posted by JoeZydeco at 7:09 PM on October 3, 2022 [12 favorites]

It started with one fish, but one thing lead to another, and the fame and fortune just cod up with them.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 7:33 PM on October 3, 2022 [46 favorites]

They're fin-ished now. They had no choice but to plead gill-ty.
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:38 PM on October 3, 2022 [26 favorites]

So stupid question, but I assume they shoved the lead balls into the fish's mouths. But the fillets? It seems like that would be hard to shove in a dead fish's mouth. Also, these are walleyes and they're walleye fillets? That just seems extra wrong. Like they're forcing posthumous cannibalism on the fish.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 7:38 PM on October 3, 2022 [6 favorites]

Also, these are walleyes and they're walleye fillets? That just seems extra wrong. Like they're forcing posthumous cannibalism on the fish.

It's pretty realistic:

Walleye is a very common recreational fish in Canada with a strong cannibalism tendency, such that walleyes with larger sizes will consume their smaller counterparts when food sources are limited or a surplus of adults is present.

Quan Zhou, Modelling Walleye Population and Its Cannibalism Effect [pdf]. See also "Sudbury walleye fish hatcheries struggle with cannibalism"
posted by jedicus at 7:51 PM on October 3, 2022 [12 favorites]

Jake standing there with the expression of a defendant listening to a victim statement before getting sentenced to federal prison
(which might not be out of the question with purses like this)
posted by Countess Elena at 7:54 PM on October 3, 2022

They're fin-ished now. They had no choice but to plead gill-ty.

The case involves whitefish, they'll be let off the hook.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 8:26 PM on October 3, 2022 [21 favorites]

The Calibrated Sinkered Fish of Cuyahoga County.
posted by jamjam at 8:28 PM on October 3, 2022 [8 favorites]

it's a pretty messed up way to use animals
posted by serif at 8:30 PM on October 3, 2022 [4 favorites]

Meh, the whole thing is just clickbait. Angling for views.
posted by vrakatar at 8:33 PM on October 3, 2022 [27 favorites]

And we all fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
posted by Dysk at 8:46 PM on October 3, 2022 [12 favorites]

True, but you have to admit it was a tail with lots of a lure.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:48 PM on October 3, 2022 [6 favorites]

They got CATfished in the end.
posted by hototogisu at 8:53 PM on October 3, 2022 [1 favorite]

something something It started out with a fish how did it end up like this? something something
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:59 PM on October 3, 2022 [11 favorites]

It's okay chums, after a brief discussion with the judge, they're sleeping with the fishes.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 9:11 PM on October 3, 2022 [2 favorites]

Sounds like the plot to Lake's Eleven.
posted by elwoodwiles at 9:16 PM on October 3, 2022 [14 favorites]

I'll just throw in that it's astonishing fishing tournaments with significant cash-value prizes don't do this kind of checking by default. Some people have a hard time not cheating when there's nothing but pride at stake. When there's money? Of course someone was cheating.
posted by Ickster at 9:37 PM on October 3, 2022 [21 favorites]

I was about to post the same thing Ickster. How hard would it be to have the judges cut open a few random fish from the top few finishers' catches to check for anything fishy?*

Maybe part of my surprise is because I'm a fan of pro cycling, where officials have specific calipers to measure the heights of rider's socks to ensure no one is getting an unfair aerodynamic advantage (not to mention all the anti-doping measures).

* I did it, I found a fish pun no one had used yet.
posted by good in a vacuum at 9:41 PM on October 3, 2022 [18 favorites]

Only in America will people scream for prison time because of crooked fishing, but an attempt to overthrow democracy? Not so much.

I, too, wish that people would show more concern about our democracy but I'm not at all surprised about the outrage over this incident: many people in the crowd in this case paid to enter a competition with large amounts of money on the line, with the outcome altered by the cheaters' actions. Further, the people there, many of whom fish the same circuit of competitions, had every reason to believe that the cheaters had done so in previous competitions.

Personally, I find the idea of competitive fishing ridiculous and distasteful, but I have a friend (with whom I have fished in the past) who, since relocating to the lower 48, now competes in such events. He takes his fishing pretty seriously and, well, let's just say I wouldn't care to be on the wrong side of a mob of angry fishermen.

on edit: Add me to the list of people who are astonished to realize that checks to defeat such behavior are not routine and universal. That seems crazy to me.
posted by Nerd of the North at 9:43 PM on October 3, 2022 [4 favorites]

The catch is that, once you've made a splash in this community, there's no worming your way out of the attention . . . they've landed you for sure, and got you on the scale. After that . . . fin.
posted by pt68 at 9:48 PM on October 3, 2022 [7 favorites]

Only in America

I mean one of the lead candidates for the Great American Novel, one of the most famous works of literature in the world, is just about one dude who takes fishing way too seriously. So yes.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 10:05 PM on October 3, 2022 [16 favorites]

{Edward G. Robinson voice)
Where's your crown now"

13 Fish poachers busted!!
"Eleven of the violators are from nearby Illinois, while one poacher is from Michigan and the other a Wisconsin resident."
posted by clavdivs at 10:07 PM on October 3, 2022

I did it, I found a fish pun no one had used yet.

The rest of us feel gutted, I'm sure.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:07 PM on October 3, 2022 [10 favorites]

Perusing the rules of the Lake Eerie Walleye Tournament, and I found this fun rule:

16. Protest

... NO POLYGRAPH WILL BE GIVEN ON HEARSAY OR GOSSIP

But wait, there's more:

17. Integrity of the Circuit

A Polygraph/VSA Test will be administered to all 1st place winners of each LEWT Event... The TD reserves the right to conduct random onsite/offsite Polygraph/VSA exams.

I can't say I've ever heard of any other sports or game tournament that involves a random and routine polygraph. Or that needs to state that protesting does not mean demanding another team be polygraphed based on a rumor.
posted by muddgirl at 10:16 PM on October 3, 2022 [2 favorites]

lead candidates for the Great American Novel,

'Big Two-Hearted River'?
posted by clavdivs at 10:17 PM on October 3, 2022 [3 favorites]

If you passed those fish through an airport metal detector I bet they’d set it off. Kind of surprising they weren’t doing something like that.
posted by jamjam at 10:19 PM on October 3, 2022 [3 favorites]

In America, Fish thank you.
posted by clavdivs at 10:20 PM on October 3, 2022

Speaking of airports, TSA has a strict no-eels-down-your-pants security protocol. Don't ask how I know.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 10:22 PM on October 3, 2022 [2 favorites]

I'm sorry, I keep thinking, "Those poor fish. Did they die for nothing?"
posted by amtho at 10:23 PM on October 3, 2022 [5 favorites]

Seems like from what I've seen, they just got too greedy. Probably could have kept getting away with it and keep the grumbling in the background, but they just got TOO ridiculous with the added weight. Experienced fishermen aren't able to weigh fish by eyeball, but they CAN look at a fish and say there's no way that's a 7-pound fish.

And polygraph? lol. Those things don't work.
posted by ctmf at 10:29 PM on October 3, 2022 [6 favorites]

Except as an intimidation tool; I guess in that sense they could be said to "work".
posted by ctmf at 10:30 PM on October 3, 2022 [1 favorite]

Experienced fishermen aren't able to weigh fish by eyeball

Surely they would require a scale instead.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:32 PM on October 3, 2022 [13 favorites]

Look all I'm saying is this drama isn't complete until there's video evidence of two tournament fishermen arguing over the admissability of a failed polygraph.
posted by muddgirl at 10:47 PM on October 3, 2022 [4 favorites]

Look I know we're all reeling from this controversy but can we please tackle the subject without making a bunch of crappie fish puns?
posted by dephlogisticated at 11:20 PM on October 3, 2022 [24 favorites]

I can't believe these clowns got away with it for as long as they did. It doesn't take a sturgeon to cut open a fish and find a bunch of lead weights, after all... Halibut the judges were in on it, too. Whole thing stinks like a heap of carp.
posted by kaibutsu at 11:28 PM on October 3, 2022 [5 favorites]

Also, here's a classic source for anyone looking for more fish puns...
posted by kaibutsu at 11:30 PM on October 3, 2022

Classic fish sauce you say?
posted by nickzoic at 12:16 AM on October 4, 2022 [3 favorites]

definitely should have established some bassline rules for cheat detection, might have prevented causing such a roe
posted by lazaruslong at 1:23 AM on October 4, 2022 [4 favorites]

If you're planning to cheat at a fishing tournament, it's best to never tell a sole about it.
posted by emelenjr at 2:41 AM on October 4, 2022 [6 favorites]

Double Whammy, by Carl Hiassen.

Spoilers in that second link.
posted by rochrobbb at 3:41 AM on October 4, 2022 [5 favorites]

Does anyone know what net effect all this cheating will have on future fish tournaments?
posted by AlSweigart at 5:22 AM on October 4, 2022 [4 favorites]

Seems like a strong case, I can't imagine what would...

Look, look! It's a picture of the defendants in one of those Trumpy boat parades!
posted by box at 5:23 AM on October 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

Does anyone know what net effect all this cheating will have on future fish tournaments?

Everyone is basically scrod, as usual.
posted by jquinby at 5:35 AM on October 4, 2022 [2 favorites]

fiasco lead candidates for the Great American Novel,
clav 'Big Two-Hearted River'?
or The Old Man and the Sea
because that big white lad . . . ain't no fish.
posted by BobTheScientist at 5:41 AM on October 4, 2022

Does anyone know what net effect all this cheating will have on future fish tournaments?

Maybe there will be separate tournaments for the cheaters.
posted by parliboy at 5:55 AM on October 4, 2022 [2 favorites]

I read somewhere on a Facebook thread by a sport fishing magazine that many if not most fishing tournaments are catch and release. When they catch and kill like this one, the tournament will provide the option of donating the filets to a charitable food pantry that can keep them frozen. It was claimed that these guys always refused to donate their fish to the charity. Kind of a red flag, which is maybe why they were finally suspicious enough to cut these open. The tournaments tend to err on the side of an honor system, and don’t polygraph due to their inaccuracies plus not wanting to devalue the generally observed sportsmanship they want to support. I’m not schooled in fishing tournaments, but I imagine this must be roughy for everyone.
posted by waving at 5:57 AM on October 4, 2022 [7 favorites]

Still kinda transfixed by the video. I guess it's because this is a case of some dudes* doing a high-money scam, getting found out, and immediately being subject to the wrath of the crowd. In a world filled with people who deny they've scammed anyone and blame their victims, and also full of people who will indeed blame themselves and deny the evidence of their own eyes, it's really refreshing.

----
* Apparently the other guy knew which way the wind was blowing and locked himself in his car.
posted by Countess Elena at 6:03 AM on October 4, 2022 [2 favorites]

* I did it, I found a fish pun no one had used yet.

I would have tried, but I have a haddock.
posted by Mchelly at 6:04 AM on October 4, 2022 [3 favorites]

how does competitive fishing even work? like you cast the line and wait. it’s not up to you what size fish bites, or am i crazy about this one. now noodlin’, that’s a contest
posted by dis_integration at 6:16 AM on October 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

Knowing where in the lake to fish, at what time of day, what bait to drop, what weight to put on your line, etc, is all part of whether you catch anything. But then, yes, luck plays a part in it. Or cheating. As the case may be.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:40 AM on October 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

I came to mention Double Whammy too and should note that Hiassen is a Florida journalist as well as a novelist and that his novels are usually slight understatements of the news clips and Florida Man stories he collects. No matter how weird his stories seem, reality has a way of being weirder.
posted by plinth at 6:58 AM on October 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

People are strange. They take something like fishing, a pastime that is mostly about sitting quietly and enjoying the outdoors, and turn it into a high-stakes competition that drives people to cheat to win.
posted by tommasz at 7:00 AM on October 4, 2022 [3 favorites]

They were using performance-enhancing substances too. Traces of Bud Ice were found in their urine.
posted by credulous at 7:09 AM on October 4, 2022 [6 favorites]

When I was say, 25, fishing sounded like the most boring thing in the world. Now that I'm pushing fifty, sitting quietly on the water for a morning then coming home with dinner sounds kinda great. I might be a little old to learn now though.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:25 AM on October 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

You can always go zen fishing. Just plop a line in the water without bait or hooks. Sit quietly, enjoy the lake. Nap a little.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 7:40 AM on October 4, 2022 [5 favorites]

Where is your cod now!?
posted by Floydd at 7:51 AM on October 4, 2022 [11 favorites]

They take something like fishing, a pastime that is mostly about sitting quietly and enjoying the outdoors, and turn it into a high-stakes competition that drives people to cheat to win.

"What if NASCAR, but fish?"
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:53 AM on October 4, 2022 [4 favorites]

The punishment is going fishing with Al Neri. Nothing to be a Fredo.
posted by kirkaracha at 8:03 AM on October 4, 2022 [2 favorites]

They were using performance-enhancing substances too. Traces of Bud Ice were found in their urine.

this is just one Canadian's opinion, but I cannot think of a single task that would be enhanced by Bud Ice
posted by elkevelvet at 8:16 AM on October 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

this is just one Canadian's opinion, but I cannot think of a single task that would be enhanced by Bud Ice

A literal pissing contest.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:21 AM on October 4, 2022 [17 favorites]

"What if NASCAR, but fish?"

That's pretty much the motivation behind bass boats. Gotta have a 300hp engine to quickly get to where the fish are, even if the fish are in shallow areas where a normal hull would ground out. The results are a ridiculous compromise of low-freeboard, low draft, and an overcompensatingly-large outboard motor strapped to the back.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 8:46 AM on October 4, 2022 [2 favorites]

More reporting here.

There were other red flags, too. After most tournaments, a company will clean the fish free of charge and donate the entire catch, 400 to 500 pounds’ worth, to local food banks. But when Runyan and Cominsky won their tournaments, they refused to add their fish to the food bank haul — a strange decision for anglers who were staying far from home and would have no trouble catching fish on their own time. The implication is that they knew their fish were already dead, caught before the tournament and stashed until needed, and thus spoiled and unfit for donation.

Markey estimates that Runyan and Cominsky had taken in somewhere around $400,000 in winnings and endorsements coming into this past weekend. Among their victories, Runyan and Cominsky won both of the two most lucrative events of the 2021 fall season, the Fall Brawl and the Walleye Slam. Last year’s 11th annual Fall Brawl drew 10,574 anglers, while the Walleye Slam had 7,355 entries in its debut.

First prize for the Walleye Slam was a Warrior fishing boat valued at $151,670, which the two apparently sold and split the proceeds. But they were disqualified from the Fall Brawl, and lost out on its prize of a $125,000 Ranger boat, when one of the two – Fall Brawl organizers wouldn’t disclose which – failed their polygraph test. Runyan was in the middle of litigation against the Fall Brawl, attempting to win back both his money and his reputation when this latest scandal broke.
posted by Brian B. at 8:52 AM on October 4, 2022 [4 favorites]

Are food banks generally well-equipped to receive hundreds of pounds of frozen bass or walleye?

(Not intending to be snarky, I don't know that much about how either fishing tournaments or food banks usually operate.)
posted by box at 8:59 AM on October 4, 2022

i know in michigan that deer that are hit by cars can be donated tp food banks or relief organizations

i heard of someone trying this in a bear hunting contest - problem was, they forgot to kill the bear first before they put the weights down his throat

very sad
posted by pyramid termite at 9:03 AM on October 4, 2022 [2 favorites]

The results are a ridiculous compromise of low-freeboard, low draft, and an overcompensatingly-large outboard motor strapped to the back.

Don't forget the elaborate livewell systems!
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:14 AM on October 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

Also, these are walleyes and they're walleye fillets?
It's pretty realistic:
Walleye is a very common recreational fish in Canada with a strong cannibalism tendency

I think it is that extra step of filleting their friends before eating them that surprises us about the Walleye.

I assume shoving the fillet into the mouth was to make the added weights less visible.
posted by eye of newt at 10:13 AM on October 4, 2022 [2 favorites]

Fun fact: where I'm from in Ontario (and points north of here), walleye are frequently called "pickerel." This is an actual pickerel, from the genus Esox, which includes northern pike and muskie (shoutout to Husky). But if you find a restaurant on the shores of Lake Erie on the Canadian side that sells walleye, they'll have it listed as "pan fried pickerel," "pickerel and chips," etc., on the menu.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:24 AM on October 4, 2022 [4 favorites]

The way the crowd turned on them made me think "Why, I've caught fish in Ogdenville, Brockway, and North Haverbrook!"
posted by Servo5678 at 10:28 AM on October 4, 2022 [4 favorites]

Fun fact: where I'm from in Ontario (and points north of here), walleye are frequently called "pickerel."

This also holds true in my small hometown on the American (Michigan) side of the St. Clair River. Our summer festival is called the "Pickerel Tournament" and we have a "Pickerel Queen" which caused no end of amusement/annoyance in my family where fishing is taken very seriously indeed and we knew those were NOT pickerel.

Anyone caught weighting their fish in the Pickerel Tournament fishing tourney would have faced the same crowd reaction.

And...now I have to go pull some walleye out of the freezer for dinner tonight.
posted by Preserver at 10:40 AM on October 4, 2022 [3 favorites]

Anyone caught weighting their fish in the Pickerel Tournament fishing tourney would have faced the same crowd reaction.

"Heads on pikes!"

"But these are pickerel!"

"No they're not! They're walleye! Same family as perch!"

"Let's ask the Pickerel Queen! To the castle!"

"Walleye!"

"What did you call me?"
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:55 AM on October 4, 2022 [2 favorites]

"Let's ask the Pickerel Queen! To the castle!"

Nowadays you'll find her sitting on the bench at the Southern District of New York.
posted by Preserver at 11:00 AM on October 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

When I was say, 25, fishing sounded like the most boring thing in the world. Now that I'm pushing fifty, sitting quietly on the water for a morning then coming home with dinner sounds kinda great. I might be a little old to learn now though.

Now that I'm well over 50 and well into slowing down, I've found fishing to be a pretty chill and relaxing way to enjoy the outdoors. My son (age 12) and I will get up early to drive to a local park, rent a little boat, and putt-putt across the lake, with the mist still on the water and the sun just starting to rise. We might see a beaver at the water's edge or maybe a deer on the hillside, and we might or might not catch a fish. On the way home we stop by a cheap diner for waffles and coffee.

The idea of competitive fishing just seems like anathema to me. What next? Gosh, I'd hate to find out that there's such a thing as competitive yoga, or birding, or hiking, or ... uh-oh.
posted by fuzzy.little.sock at 11:18 AM on October 4, 2022 [2 favorites]

dephlogisticated wins this thread as far as I'm concerned.
posted by flamewise at 11:51 AM on October 4, 2022

I know in michigan that deer that are hit by cars can be donated tp food banks or relief organizations

Chronic wasting disease is present in Michigan, and of course deer that are sick but not yet incapacitated are more likely to get hit.


Yet there can be no doubt Michigan authorities have learned the lessons of Flint and have taken steps to prevent tainted meat from being distributed to poor people.
posted by jamjam at 12:09 PM on October 4, 2022

"Heads on pikes!"

Pikes on heads!
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:13 PM on October 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

> Only in america will people scream for prison time because of crooked fishing, but an attempt to overthrow democracy? Not so much

This is an odd thing to say. Some of the Jan 9 rioters are in prison as we speak, and plenty of people are doing their best to make Trump face repercussions. Or are you presuming that everyone in that video is a wingnut Republican, because they're competitive fishermen?

I'm disturbed that the official in the video is wearing slides. Wouldn't you want rainboots?
posted by The corpse in the library at 12:14 PM on October 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

There's an overall tone of surprise about competitive fishing in this thread that I find much more surprising than the existence of competitive fishing. Fishing tournaments -- even big money, sponsored fishing tournaments -- are not new. I grew up going to fishing tournaments -- little money, no sponsors other than the local recreation committee -- in the 1980s and the trophies already had plenty of names on them by then. And even back then, there was a solid block of fishing shows on TV on Sunday morning, and various big money tournaments would get coverage on them.
posted by jacquilynne at 12:17 PM on October 4, 2022 [5 favorites]

where I'm from in Ontario (and points north of here), walleye are frequently called "pickerel.

When I lived in Winnipeg pickerel was a pretty popular fish to eat. I took a trip down to the US, I think Grand Forks ND, and at the place we were having lunch there was walleye on the menu. I didn't know what that was so I had to use data on my phone, a big deal to me in 2007/8, to look it up and found out it was pickerel so then I ordered it.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 12:37 PM on October 4, 2022 [2 favorites]

And even back then, there was a solid block of fishing shows on TV on Sunday morning

Which anyone who's not into fishing (plus, I assume, anyone not living in the US) wouldn't have watched or been more than vaguely aware of.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:39 PM on October 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

I don't live in the US, but my point is that these things are not new and they were never such a hidden niche activity that I would expect people have never even heard that they exist. They had regular TV coverage and even the mainstream news would cover them if someone bagged a giant record-breaking fish.
posted by jacquilynne at 12:50 PM on October 4, 2022

Thinking about this a little bit more, the Walleye fillets in the stomach are a tell that they’ve done this before, because those could always have been passed off as the winning fish's last meal.

They must have weighed their fish and decided it wasn’t enough this time. It’s not clear to me whether the weight of the currently leading fish was available to contestants, but if it was they should stop doing that.

If that weight wasn’t available to contestants, we're looking at an inside job.
posted by jamjam at 12:59 PM on October 4, 2022

On Canadian TV Mary Ann had her own fishing show called Dawn Wells Reel Adventures 1997 .

And yes it is pickerel
posted by yyz at 1:02 PM on October 4, 2022

And even back then, there was a solid block of fishing shows on TV on Sunday morning, and various big money tournaments would get coverage on them.

Yes! Bob Izumi's Real Fishing started airing in Canada in 1983, and still exists.

But yeah, where I grew up, there was an annual Lake Huron salmon derby that was a well-publicized but low-stakes affair - it took place over a week or two and there was some nominal cash prize for largest salmon, like a couple hundred bucks. And once in a while someone would land a giant chinook or coho that would be front page of the local paper which, IIRC, sponsored the derby.

the Walleye fillets in the stomach are a tell that they’ve done this before, because those could always have been passed off as the winning fish's last meal.

This might have been their angle, but having cleaned my share of fish, I can say that the prey you find in a fish's stomach (before they make their way further down the gut as they're digested) appear remarkably intact.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:04 PM on October 4, 2022

Are food banks generally well-equipped to receive hundreds of pounds of frozen bass or walleye?

I mean, I dunno about "generally", but the Greater Cleveland Food Bank almost certainly could. (This fishing event was based out of Cleveland, as far as I can tell.) They're clients of ours, so I've been in their warehouse multiple times, and it's pretty "industrial" - multiple loading docks for semi trucks, racks of pallet shelving 100 feet long and 50 feet high, people zipping around on electric fork lifts. There's a ton of shelf-stable pre-packaged foods (pallets with 100 jars of peanut butter, or cans of soup, like that), but I know they have a sizeable cold storage and freezer area and try to get their hands on as much fresh produce and meat as they can.

My understanding is that food banks don't so much put food directly in the hands of individuals and families, they're more of a central collection and distribution organization, who collect and organize donations - often large scale donations provided by the USDA and state government programs - and then sort and redistribute the food to food pantries and other charitable & local government orgs who then get the food to people. I'm pretty sure the GCFB does some sorting and packaging themselves of, like, "weekly staples" or "meal boxes" (pound of flour, pound of coffee, 2 loaves of bread, 2 jars of peanut butter, bag of apples, so on and so forth) that get sent out, but I'm also pretty sure that in a lot of cases they're kind of just a waypoint, where they get in 10 pallets of canned soup, and then the local Lutheran social services group gets half a pallet, and the local Catholic charity gets 2 pallets, and etc etc, and then those orgs do the divvying up and handing out.
posted by soundguy99 at 1:17 PM on October 4, 2022 [7 favorites]

Are food banks generally well-equipped to receive hundreds of pounds of frozen bass or walleye?

My local food bank fills an entire moving van with food from the local TJ's every week so my guess is yes. They clearly have plenty of refrigeration capacity. Do people actually want whole fish is another question. My local grocery options here in Chicago suggest that very few people even eat fresh filleted fish regularly at all never mind descaling and filleting whole fish on their own.
posted by srboisvert at 1:45 PM on October 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

Breaded and fried walleye dinners for sale as fundraisers for churches and other non-profits (especially Black churches and orgs) are definitely A Thing here in northern Ohio, so I could totally see one or more of the Cleveland Food Bank's clients being willing to accept the fish to use for this purpose.
posted by soundguy99 at 2:30 PM on October 4, 2022 [3 favorites]

Do people actually want whole fish is another question. My local grocery options here in Chicago suggest that very few people even eat fresh filleted fish regularly at all never mind descaling and filleting whole fish on their own.

According to the article, the company that handles the donations cleans the fish free of charge before donating to the food bank.
posted by Well I never at 3:13 PM on October 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

Pikes on heads!

Hm. I'm pretty sure that's a coho salmon. I mean, it's a safer bet teeth-wise, than wearing a pike.

I assume it's going to be the subject of remixes and mashups, so as a request to the universe: I would dearly love to see a mashup of the walleye tournament yelling video that's the original subject of this post with Barnes and Barnes' "Fish Heads."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 3:58 PM on October 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

Pikes on heads!

Hm. I'm pretty sure that's a coho salmon.

Oh pshaw, close enough for a joke. ;)

Besides, hadn't you heard? There's really no such thing as a fish anyway, so there goes your fussy pike-vs.-coho argument...and maybe the ENTIRE PREMISE OF A FISHING TOURNAMENT AS WELL! MWA-HAHAHAHA!
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:17 PM on October 4, 2022 [3 favorites]

and maybe the ENTIRE PREMISE OF A FISHING TOURNAMENT AS WELL!

Fair. Per your link, the response of the cheaters should have been to turn to the mob and say, calmly: "The earth has changed a lot and many, many times since the Age of Fishes. It has had Ice Ages and Tropical Ages and the continents have moved around and broken up and the chemicals dissolved in water have changed a lot. Fish have rolled with the punches and evolved into all sorts of weird and wonderful forms to adapt to those changes. Lots and lots of species that once existed have become extinct but new ones have arisen to take their place in the changed ecology of our watery planet."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:48 PM on October 4, 2022 [3 favorites]

I have no doubt their unrest would be duly eased by such a stellar assertion.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:56 PM on October 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

I mean, the premise of tournament names like "Walleye Slam" and "Fall Brawl" just says to me they should have dispensed with the theatre of going out on the lake at all.

Competitors should be issued one fish each (all tournament-issued fish would be the same species, and of comparable size/weight) and told to have at it, the only rule being that they can only strike an opponent with the fish they were issued. No strikes with hands or feet. Only fish.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 5:11 PM on October 4, 2022 [3 favorites]

You mean, something like this?
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:25 PM on October 4, 2022 [2 favorites]

Was thinking it would be more of a Battle Royale/last competitor standing kinda deal.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 5:32 PM on October 4, 2022

Sometimes with new ideas ya gotta start small fry and grow.
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:40 PM on October 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

We have a local Bluefish and Striped Bass Derby here, I don't think there has ever been a cheating scandal. And a lot of fish goes to local food banks/elder services.
posted by vrakatar at 8:24 PM on October 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

It might be time for tournaments and their boat and gear sponsors to reconsider their method of judging. A wiser angler with unlimited time would likely avoid these entry fees and messes because cheating is so obviously made possible that it would always attract a scammer. Catch and release is best practice, so phone cameras can pull double duty as verification of catch and measurement. Plus it can be edited and distributed for cash royalties. A point system could include size and fishing form, especially in the release. The current system hasn't adjusted from the butcher shop model to the streaming age.
posted by Brian B. at 7:32 AM on October 5, 2022

As Jack Lalanne opined back in the 1900s, as long as you’re keeping score, someone is gonna be cheating.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 9:22 AM on October 5, 2022

as long as you’re keeping score, someone is gonna be cheating

and if there is a thing, someone will find a way to make a competitive version of the thing.
posted by ctmf at 6:31 PM on October 5, 2022

CLEVELAND (AP) — Two anglers accused of stuffing fish with lead weights and fillets in an attempt to win thousands of dollars in an Ohio fishing tournament were indicted Wednesday on charges of attempted grand theft and other counts.

Jacob Runyan, 42, of Broadview Heights, Ohio, and Chase Cominski, 35, of Hermitage, Pennsylvania, were indicted in Cleveland on felony charges of cheating, attempted grand theft, possessing criminal tools and misdemeanor charges of unlawfully owning wild animals. They’re due to be arraigned Oct. 26.
posted by Brian B. at 8:14 AM on October 13, 2022 [2 favorites]