Does what it says on the tin

April 26, 2023 8:21 AM

Burp and Fart Piano. That's it.
posted by slater (23 comments total)

Does not burp on Safari, it seems.
posted by swift at 10:04 AM on April 26, 2023

[Bob voice]Gene...[/Bob voice]
posted by stevil at 10:09 AM on April 26, 2023 [8 favorites]

Does not burp on Safari

That's how the lions get ya.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 10:12 AM on April 26, 2023 [5 favorites]

Does not burp on Safari, it seems.

It works for me on MacOS Safari but not on iOS, where it asks me to get an app. My music production workflow doesn't really require it to work on mobile, so I did not download the app.
posted by aubilenon at 10:37 AM on April 26, 2023 [1 favorite]

I will never say no to a juvenile noise instrument but I gotta say the tonality on this is awful and the fart keyboard is very conspicuously not anywhere near tracking the chromatic scale of a normal piano.
posted by cortex at 10:57 AM on April 26, 2023 [7 favorites]

Agree with Cortex, this piano is almost entirely tonally inaccurate.
posted by grumpybear69 at 11:25 AM on April 26, 2023 [3 favorites]

I think this is the function that calculates the pitch, which is maybe why it is off:

function r(e) {
if (e < 0) return e / 12;
return .02278153473118749 + .23005591195033048 * e + -.014147877819596033 * (e * e) + .0009795096626987743 * (e * e * e) + -19413043101157434e-21 * (e * e * e * e) + 1.8149080040913423e-7 * (e * e * e * e * e)
}
posted by grumpybear69 at 11:58 AM on April 26, 2023 [1 favorite]

is that what you get in excel if you fit the midi note - pitch relationship to a 5th order polynomial?
posted by scruss at 12:18 PM on April 26, 2023 [1 favorite]

(answers own question: no, but it is a curve that goes up too)
posted by scruss at 12:42 PM on April 26, 2023

This went from low-brow humor to mathematics faster than I imagined.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 3:18 PM on April 26, 2023 [5 favorites]

this piano is almost entirely tonally inaccurate.

Well shoot, there goes my plan to use it for my Carnegie Hall concert.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:42 PM on April 26, 2023 [4 favorites]

What the fuck kind of data can they sell from a burp and fart piano repair disable the functionality unless I download the app?
posted by Jon_Evil at 4:30 PM on April 26, 2023

FWIW, the formula for calculating the correct ratio to play a sample over a chromatic scale (where 1 is the original pitch, 2 is one octave up, .5 is one octave down, etc.) is:

2^(octave number) * 2^(note number/12)

For "note number" C=0 and B=12. For "octave number" 0=original octave, 1 is one octave up, -1 is one octave down.
posted by grumpybear69 at 5:04 PM on April 26, 2023 [2 favorites]

Save Ferris
posted by abraxasaxarba at 5:40 PM on April 26, 2023 [1 favorite]

Yes, but pianos (like all real instruments) are enharmonic, so the curve is more complicated. If I remember right, pianos are tuned so that the next octave lies nicely in the previous octave’s overtones, rather than being tuned so that each octave’s frequencies are twice those of the octave before. It gets complicated fast.
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 7:38 PM on April 26, 2023

Agree with Cortex, this piano is almost entirely tonally inaccurate.

You need to put your ear closer to the fart piano. Don't smoke while doing this.
posted by srboisvert at 7:57 PM on April 26, 2023

I'm also disappointed at the lack of sustain.

But also got a real life giggle and a head shake, so I'll allow it.
posted by freethefeet at 9:07 PM on April 26, 2023 [1 favorite]

[two beers later] i bet i could improve the tuning of the fart piano with one of those spectrum analyzer software things to measure its enharmonicity
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 9:14 PM on April 26, 2023

1.8149080040913423e-7 * (e * e * e * e * e)

ok farts are whatever but fitting quintic polynomials is DEEPLY tasteless
posted by away for regrooving at 9:34 PM on April 26, 2023 [1 favorite]

NOT going to show this to the 9 year old.






OK, I probably will...as the inner 9 year old in me will never die....but I will experience much regret...
posted by medeine at 8:31 AM on April 27, 2023

→ I'm also disappointed at the lack of sustain.

Beware of farts with sustain, is all I'm gonna say.
posted by scruss at 11:57 AM on April 27, 2023

One minute (starting about a minute in) that should cover all your fart-with-sustain needs.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:57 PM on April 27, 2023

^^^^ The tremolo effect starting at 4:52 is pretty entertaining as well.
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:02 PM on April 27, 2023