The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!
August 30, 2006 12:49 AM   Subscribe

Some folks really like it sweet. Some will start a six-year campaign to get it. Some blame Canada and France for not getting it, when it was perhaps better to blame the Swiss. Some want it healthy while others want the romance back. Some make it part of higher education, while others just want to get higher. Even vegans want in on the gooey action.
posted by Blazecock Pileon (20 comments total)
I remember signing a petition and observing a long-standing boycott against Nestle years back for their practice of dumping nutritionally useless infant formula on markets in Africa. They had an extensive marketing and "education" push to convince African mothers to stop their old breast-feeding ways and adopt the modern Nestle way of baby nutrition. Disgusting.

Cut to 2006: the petition to Nestle is to try to convince the company to... SELL US CANDY BARS!

Times do change...
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:28 AM on August 30, 2006

Is the answer nothing?
posted by Captaintripps at 4:36 AM on August 30, 2006

After six long years of petitioning Nestle they have finally seen the light. In late July, 2006 Nestle will begin to market Coffee Crisp nationally, treating it like any other of the many candy bars they sell in the U.S. For the first time, Americans will finally be exposed to what had previously been an exclusively Canadian delicacy.

I try not to criticize people who are activist about their passions. I think it's bullshit for example, when someone criticizes a net-neutrality advocate for wasting their energy on NN when children are starving/racism still exists/snakes are still on this motherfucking plane.

After all, if everyone just did something to make the world better it would likely be significantly better, or at least I'd hope so.

But this. This makes me want to weep.
posted by illovich at 6:45 AM on August 30, 2006

You've obviously never had a Coffee Crisp.
posted by Johnny Assay at 6:54 AM on August 30, 2006 [3 favorites]

Except that Nestle stopped doing that years ago, but there are still people boycotting them.

That said, now there are campaigns to promote formula in places in Africa, because not breast-feeding can reduce the transfer of HIV. The threat of bad water has to be weighed against AIDs.
posted by jb at 7:01 AM on August 30, 2006

Not to sound doughty and terribly old fashioned; But it is possible to make just about any candy bar at home. Including Coffee Crisp.
There are even cookbooks just for this kind of thing. They even tell you were to buy all those super poisonous trans fats and powdered corn sweetener and such, so it's just like the one's from the store.
Ya'see you can consume 350 calories of fat and sugar without having to beg corporate interests

Or you can just order the damn things wholesale from canada and gorge yourself without even leaving your home.
posted by French Fry at 7:10 AM on August 30, 2006

Chocolate? or basically just sweetened lard?
posted by Artw at 7:42 AM on August 30, 2006

Mmmm. Delicious sweetened lard.
posted by rusty at 8:02 AM on August 30, 2006

Some people really enjoy chocolate.
posted by damn dirty ape at 8:23 AM on August 30, 2006

Huh. I had no idea you Amerks were deprived of Coffee Crisps. But you're welcome to have as many as you want as far as I'm concerned. And you can suffer through the stupid CC commericals while you're at it.
posted by orange swan at 8:44 AM on August 30, 2006

A lot of people criticize Nestle, but here's something they have going for them in my opinion: Nestle Nesquik Chocolate Syrup is the only tasty, non-diet choc syrup I can find around here that does not contain High Fructose Corn Syrup, a substance which, for no particular reason* I have decided to eliminate from my diet. So, Bravo! Nestle. Coffee Crisp doesn't sound delicious to me, but keep that wholesome syrup flowing.
*Well, except that it is in just about everything with a label on it these days, and as such, it makes me think it must be some kind of insidious government mind-control drug.
posted by Hal Mumkin at 10:18 AM on August 30, 2006

This book is really good.

Not strictly chocolate, but Violet Crumble ftw!
posted by Shecky at 10:30 AM on August 30, 2006

I don't have to do border runs to get Coffee Crisps anymore? Psych!

Now, when are the Aero bars coming?
posted by QIbHom at 11:17 AM on August 30, 2006

Now, when are the Aero bars coming?

No shit. I can't believe rational people petition for Coffee Crisp but passed on the Aeros.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:33 AM on August 30, 2006

Aero bars: We pump air into crappy chocolate and charge the same amount as if it had been solid chocolate.
posted by djfiander at 11:40 AM on August 30, 2006

I moved from Canada to the US when I was ten. The one thing I mourned the most was losing Coffee Crisp. I would ask around at import candy shops and was more than once told (bizarrely) that they are illegal in the US due to containing non-FDA cleared ingredients.

Whenever I came home to Canada, various family members would send me home with them in bulk. Since I couldn't possibly eat that many Coffee Crisps, I would give them to friends, who would subsequently get addicted and try to find them in the US, too.

I almost started the candy equivalent of a "run on the bank" when my loud reaction to seeing Coffee Crisp on the shelves of a Florida grocery store made people come running. As I stood there yelling like a crazy woman and trying to fill my cart up, a small crowd gathered. Other people started grabbing them, too, because they figured they had to be good. It was madness.

Don't doubt the power of Coffee Crisp. Not for one goddamned second.

Although I must admit that since I've been back for six months, going to the corner store and getting a CC fix has lost some of its magic.
posted by SassHat at 11:52 AM on August 30, 2006

posted by ericbop at 1:08 PM on August 30, 2006

Coffee Crisp is one of the exceedingly few crap-quality "chocolate" bars worth eating. Kit-kat aren't bad, either.

But if you think you're tasting chocolate when you bite one of those Aero, Snickers, Hersheys, etc, you are sadly and tragically mistaken.

Go to a natural foods store and buy a Green&Blacks, Lindt, or other 60%+ cocoa solids bar. Don't fret the price: you won't be eating it all in one sitting.

And as extra karma look for fair trade, organic, or other indications that the farms were probably not slave plantations.

The cheap chocolate? Yah, kids were brutalized in its produciton. You maybe want to think about whether your morals make that permissable.
posted by five fresh fish at 8:10 PM on August 30, 2006

One of the fun things about living outside the US is being among the guinea pigs when new products are market-tested. Even though I'm not into sweets that much, once I saw the slogan "A Delicious Mix of Dark Chocolate, Minty Caramel And Crunchy Chocolate Biscuit," I was powerless to eschew the Twix Mint Slice.*

My verdict: pretty damn tasty. Contact Mars and demand it!
*available now at Aussie and Kiwi foodstands
posted by rob511 at 8:41 PM on August 30, 2006

How do you like your coffee? I like my coffee crisp.
posted by jb at 2:03 PM on August 31, 2006

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