My Roommate Is Such A Dick
October 16, 2007 6:58 PM   Subscribe

My roommate is such a dick! (portions probably nsfw)
posted by mr_crash_davis (27 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite

my roommate is a passive aggressive jerk with a camera.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 7:10 PM on October 16, 2007 [2 favorites]

My roommate doesn't know how to effectively solve interpersonal problems.
posted by HuronBob at 7:11 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

Part of me wants to get you help and the other part of me just wants to get you a book on proper grammer.
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:13 PM on October 16, 2007

I made the mistake of looking at the tags before I fully processed the headline (long day) and became instantly fearful.

PS. I can relate. I tried everything, but the mess, oh lord, the mess. A friend's wife fled in terror from your room when my toilet was broken.
posted by socratic at 7:13 PM on October 16, 2007

posted by k8t at 7:19 PM on October 16, 2007

Hm, since I can spell and know how to lay out a web page in a pleasing way, I must be the roommate that's a dick.
posted by Astro Zombie at 7:21 PM on October 16, 2007

Don't worry! Your complaint has been logged, and we will be sending a Justice Team to rescue you from your roommate within 24 hours.


The Internet
posted by freshwater_pr0n at 7:23 PM on October 16, 2007 [2 favorites]

You should only live with people you are fucking. And/or pets.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 7:29 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

There really isn't anything more annoying about living with people you aren't fucking than playing Trash Jenga. That game sucks.
posted by cmonkey at 7:31 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


posted by roll truck roll at 7:31 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

Just to clairify Unicorn on the cob's dictum:

You should only live with pets you are fucking.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:40 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

I live alone and my roommate's a fucking asshole.
posted by backseatpilot at 7:41 PM on October 16, 2007 [5 favorites]

Y'know, out of fifteen years of living in shared housing, I only had one dick of a roommate, got along with everyone else, made many dear friends most of whom I'm still in close contact with even though I'm 1500 miles away now, seduced many of them into hot man-on-man sex, and generally enjoyed the experience. I often wonder why my experience isn't typical well, maybe the seducing hot man-on-man sex part isn't typical. It's not that hard with a little effort.
posted by WolfDaddy at 7:45 PM on October 16, 2007

My split personality is a dick.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 7:46 PM on October 16, 2007

My roommate is a fucking animal.
posted by Poolio at 7:49 PM on October 16, 2007

posted by Samizdata at 8:40 PM on October 16, 2007

I met my first roommate, A., in 1995 when we were both hired by an American Mormon language school in rural Japan to teach English to workers at a rayon factory. A. and I lived with a little Mormon family for a while until the family went back to LA to escape the cult-like conditions of our employer. Their daughter experienced her first period and I was the first one she told - we were roommates! The Mormon family had a large stash of water bottled in old plastic coda bottles. They said 'crud' instead of 'crap'.

After the Mormons left, my roommate, A., seduced one of his students. A.'s student brought her friend to the house. This friend is now my wife.

A. had a big jar full of condoms, and used to get mad at me for 'borrowing' them. Once, at the height of summer, I went into his room to borrow some condoms and discovered him lying naked with the fan on.

A. often used to have sex with his student in the living room, and made her scream and scream like a cat in heat. My girlfriend (now my wife) and I would have to wait in her car to get into the house. She generally found the screaming gross and unromantic.

A. was short, looked like Matthew Broderick, wore pointy little shoes, and liked to dance and play the violin. He was also a sneaky, murderous little bastard, a real cutthroat at our school who got Bob fired: A. had coveted Bob's title of 'Director of Instruction.'

A. now works in a ski factory in Washington State.
posted by KokuRyu at 8:44 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

Hang on. I might be your roommate.

Wolfdaddy, you got long hair and tatts?
posted by mattoxic at 8:57 PM on October 16, 2007

Never at the same time, mattoxic. Never at the same time.
posted by WolfDaddy at 9:28 PM on October 16, 2007

ITT: we tell roommate stories.
posted by KingoftheWhales at 9:42 PM on October 16, 2007

Glass houses.....
posted by brujita at 10:14 PM on October 16, 2007

Sadly, and it took me forever to realize it, I'm a dick roommate.

I'm a great guy to be friends with, and there's always someone who asks to share a pace with me, because I'm fun to party with, but my high threshold for filth and disgust with cleaning (seriously, cleaning makes me feel physically filthy, and takes an amazing amount of willpower to partake in) makes me pretty horrible to live with.

Thankfully, now I've realized my roommate issues as I'm ready to settle down, and have gone off to law school, so that at the very least I might be able to one day pay people to handle these things for me.

Again, dickish, but at least livable.
posted by Navelgazer at 10:33 PM on October 16, 2007

[this is really lame]
posted by blacklite at 11:26 PM on October 16, 2007

One of roommates in college allowed a homeless guy to crash occasionally in our living room. Nothing like going in to the kitchen in the middle of the night to get a snack and have a vagrant sleeping on your couch, yelling at you to turn the light off.
posted by yellowlightman at 12:15 AM on October 17, 2007

Most of these are dull, and some are downright lame and passive-agressive, but a few are funny. I liked the accumulating water bottles, the Trash Jenga and the complaint addressed to the dog.
posted by Faint of Butt at 3:50 AM on October 17, 2007

Um, I'm allergic to animals so can't say I've fucked one... that wasn't bipedal, at least!
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 12:05 PM on October 17, 2007

I think some of these might be fake.
posted by Locative at 1:01 AM on October 19, 2007

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