If you see Cupid, slap that little punk for me, will ya?
February 11, 2009 1:39 PM   Subscribe

Valentine's day sucks. After you learn how to survive it alone, count your blessings that at least you aren't on a bad date like Lynn. Hey, once you've cheered up a little, why not send a card to a special someone and maybe add some candy hearts to the mix. Then again, just boycotting the whole damn thing might be best idea yet.
posted by idiotfactory (39 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
There are more "romantic" cards here.
posted by LunaticFringe at 1:45 PM on February 11, 2009

"Bad dates."
posted by steef at 1:50 PM on February 11, 2009

The latter article from Roland Martin is amusing, particularly since I read a lot of his articles during the election. Now that we have a new President I guess he's back to writing about everyday life. "Now folks, I love my wife." Haha.

The cynicism against Hallmark and Valentine's Day is a treasure trove of humor, so I appreciate that much about it. I'm a co-owner of an iPhone development house, and despite the fact that pretty much everyone involved in the company would get hung from the rafters if we didn't take our ladies to their favorite restaurants on Saturday, we made a small game to capture some of that cynicism. If you'd like to play it, [warning: shameless, but relevant and hilarious, self-link] check it out: Rogue Cupid.

I sense basically everyone knows it's a Hallmark holiday, but we all go along anyway. A faux tradition. But hey, why not, it's just one day and if it makes the ladies smile...
posted by symphonik at 2:01 PM on February 11, 2009

Opportunity for Dr. Seuss II to write "The Grinch Who Stole Valentine's Day".
posted by Cranberry at 2:03 PM on February 11, 2009

Some of "the ladies" don't give a chipmunk's fart about Valentine's Day. I'd much prefer a token gift on a random day just because.

The most romantic gift I ever received was a crouton box full of toys from gumball machines, because I was "the crouton of his salad days".
posted by JoanArkham at 2:07 PM on February 11, 2009 [2 favorites]

A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentine's Day and sees a beautiful young woman sitting alone at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I brought you a drink?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"

Everyone in the pub started staring at them. Naturally, the guy was terribly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table totally red faced. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.

She smiles at him and says, "I'm really sorry if I embarrassed you just then. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

At this the guy yells, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $300?"
posted by netbros at 2:15 PM on February 11, 2009 [10 favorites]

Roland Martin has the right idea, but his piece comes off as rather whiny. Of course you should invest in your relationship daily, tell each other "I love you", and treat each other to whatever makes the other person happy regularly. I can't count how many articles I've seen with the same sentiment.

In any case, I find Valentine's Day rather amusing. The closest thing I've come to doing something to mark the occasion is snuggle with my boyfriend while eating a couple of small boxes of Jelly Belly's "Conversation Beans" together.
posted by cmgonzalez at 2:16 PM on February 11, 2009

I like valentines day. My wife is a really swell lady and I love her a lot.
posted by nanojath at 2:17 PM on February 11, 2009 [4 favorites]

I generally look at Valentine's day as an excuse to cook something that I'd normally consider too expensive; I think it works well that way.
posted by uncleozzy at 2:18 PM on February 11, 2009 [3 favorites]

I remember during my marriage agreeing to allow my wife to get a cat, despite my allergies, for Valentine's Day. Which she brilliantly named Valentine, left with me when she left me with apparently no remorse or desire to see again, and which died less than a year later.

I miss the cat.
posted by Samizdata at 2:18 PM on February 11, 2009 [3 favorites]

cmgonzalez: Roland Martin has the right idea, but his piece comes off as rather whiny.

You should have read some of his bits about Hillary Clinton playing the gender card or how Burris became a senator. I think he just has a whiny personality.
posted by symphonik at 2:18 PM on February 11, 2009

The bar for Worst Valentine's Day Ever is pretty high.
posted by Doktor Zed at 2:19 PM on February 11, 2009

I Choo Choo Choose You! (image or vector!)
posted by ALongDecember at 2:22 PM on February 11, 2009

meh, just depresses me.
posted by OwlBoy at 2:25 PM on February 11, 2009

My husband and I don't really put a lot of stock in the luv froo-froo of the day but any excuse to be with and think of loved ones is pleasant. One of our favorite things to do on Valentine's Day is take our (usually single) friends out to dinner.
posted by cheap paper at 2:32 PM on February 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

I will never stop celebrating National Ferris Wheel day.

Go and give a ferris wheel a hug!
posted by zap rowsdower at 2:39 PM on February 11, 2009

Or just put on your contact lenses and watch TV.
posted by ornate insect at 2:40 PM on February 11, 2009

Better cards.
posted by gman at 2:43 PM on February 11, 2009

I'm celebrating by going out/renting the worst horror movie I can.

Then the day after, the girl and I are going to go to a restaurant, dressed very nicely. I'm pushing for a greasy BBQ joint. She's more keen on fast food for this one.

She's promised to give me dirty looks all throughout dinner, if I promise to look embarrassed, and apologize a lot for missing another holiday.

Yeah. I'm a big fan of V-Day.
posted by fnord at 2:52 PM on February 11, 2009 [5 favorites]

Well, if we're dropping hipster/snarky/non-sentimental cards, here's a couple sites I like to go to:

posted by symbioid at 2:56 PM on February 11, 2009

Just watching the doom and gloom on the news about the recession...talk of Valentines day sounds much more inspiring - may our love traditions live on - I'm all for people making the most of life and love...there are worse things to talk about!
posted by ghost32 at 2:57 PM on February 11, 2009

Same complaints can be said about Christmas. The obligatory cards, live tree (roses), presents, evils of chocolate.

When I was single I didn't give a shit about Valentines Day. With my boyfriend, we use it as an excuse to make plans with each other instead of getting roped into other obligations.
posted by silkygreenbelly at 3:14 PM on February 11, 2009

I hate Valentine's day. Or rather, I love Valentine's day, I just hate that I keep dating men who all but throw tempertantrums around this time of year at the idea of the holiday and lecture me about how it's designed to pick their pockets and how it's hardly romantic, etc...
I'd like to have the holiday banned just to be spared a yearly tirade about how they're being fourced to buy women gifts, when all I want is to exchange red construction paper hearts.
posted by Phalene at 3:25 PM on February 11, 2009 [4 favorites]

Me and my wife will probably spend some time writing letters to imaginary animals. You know, in that old gamecube game, Animal Crossing. But none of this proposing crap. Then we'll enjoy dinner at home, away from the awkward couples and overwhelming amount of pink and red everywhere.

If you dislike Valentines day and your significant other wants some show of acknowledging the day, why not do something special the days before? Then you didn't forget the day, and you're not competing for tables, flowers, cards and whatever else you decide to get.
posted by filthy light thief at 3:57 PM on February 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

My Bloody Valentine in 3-D. And then we'll watch the original!
I love that movie more than I should.

Also that video is full of lots of facial expressions and gestures that I frankly do not understand.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 4:12 PM on February 11, 2009

Nice commentary. Is that allowed or not allowed on this part of MeFi?
posted by hal_c_on at 4:58 PM on February 11, 2009

to be spared a yearly tirade

You do know about steak and blowjob day, right?
posted by pompomtom at 5:00 PM on February 11, 2009

Seriously, though, Feb. 14th is the best night of the year to be single. You go out and hit the bars, and for once in your life you know that everybody else there who will be willing to talk to you for two seconds is single too, and nobody wants to be. And even if you don't get laid or anything you're most likely still partying with your friends, and everyone's on more or less the same page. It's a great deal.

Meanwhile, my girlfriend and I will be heading to the Arlington Cinema and Drafthouse, where we had our first date. They're playing The Princess Bride. It seemed appropriate.
posted by Navelgazer at 5:09 PM on February 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

Why hello there, Singles Awareness Day.
posted by Xere at 5:15 PM on February 11, 2009

Because Christmas doesn't make people unhappy enough? I dunno.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 5:23 PM on February 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

The Best Valentine's Day I ever had was a girl's only pj party. We wore comfortable clothing, danced to Aretha Franklin, sang badly, played board games and ate WAAAAAAAY too much sugar. The joy sparkled through the group and I don't think we ever felt sorry for ourselves. Not once. Eight college girls without a date and we didn't care.

I have since moved, and now have mostly coupled and male friends. I don't want a boyfriend for Valentine's Day. I want girlfriends that I can party with.
posted by JustKeepSwimming at 5:26 PM on February 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

Those anti-valentines day cards got me a girlfriend and a date on valentines day last year. Never doubt the power of subtly hitting on a friend by bitching about you both being single to get two desperate people together. (No longer with her, but it was interesting)
posted by Hactar at 5:47 PM on February 11, 2009

The Pink Chaddi Campaign
posted by homunculus at 6:56 PM on February 11, 2009

Those bad date descriptions were hilarious and horrifying. thank god I am married. We never do valentines day...its a stupid waste of $$.
posted by aacheson at 8:22 PM on February 11, 2009

Valentine's Day can suck it, but I'm all about Black Day here in Korea:

"Black Day (April 14) is a South Korean informal tradition for single people (a.k.a. Unit Solo/Solo Regiment, Korean: 솔로부대) to get together and eat Jajangmyeon (noodles with black bean sauce), sometimes a white sauce is mixed for those who did not celebrate White Day.

The idea is that those who did not give or receive gifts on Valentine's Day or White Day can get together and eat Jjajangmyeon (짜장면), white Korean noodles with black bean sauce (hence the name), to commiserate their singledom."
posted by bardic at 9:46 PM on February 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

Oh, White Day is a month after Valentine's and that's when lazy, no-good girlfriends get off of their lazy, no-good butts and buy their man a gift for once.

It's kind of like steak and a blowjob day, just a tiny little bit classier.
posted by bardic at 9:48 PM on February 11, 2009

Looking for that perfect valentines day gift? [NSFL]
posted by cashman at 9:50 PM on February 11, 2009

Wow, I did the exact same thing. The Jock animals sent some very torrid, passionate Valentine's, I must say. And nowhere except in Animal Crossing have I ever had a town of dudes mail me furniture (!) with notes attached on pretty paper for being the awesomest lass around. Sweet.

Then, just like you guys, we had a nice home-cooked meal. I made steak and potatoes--granted, a sort of hipster-ish nod to irony as we never eat such things, in or out--with a balsamic-mushroom-soy sauce. And a chocolate cake, which was a big deal to my fiance because he hasn't had baked chocolate in 3 years (he stopped eating any chocolate product that might have connections to child slavery, and Dagoba's baking powder is a bitch to find to bake with). Yum. We tore into our gifts (My French Coach for the DS, Bolano's 2666 box, the new translation of Kafka's Amerika, Bulgakov's Heart of a Dog, and a Gerard Manley Hopkins collection) and stayed up most of the night talking in bed in the dark. Grrreat.

...But the real message here is, Viva Animal Crossing!
posted by ifjuly at 9:46 AM on February 15, 2009

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