Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video
April 16, 2009 10:43 AM   Subscribe

"The Cleveland Tourism Board gave me 14 million dollars about 8 months ago to make a promotional video to bring people to Cleveland. As usual, I waited till the last minute and I ended up having to shoot and edit it in about an hour yesterday afternoon. I probably should have invested more time."
posted by dhammond (48 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
An SNL Digital Short
posted by chococat at 10:47 AM on April 16, 2009

Someone wants to be Andy Samberg. What a sad ambition that is.
posted by mudpuppie at 10:48 AM on April 16, 2009 [2 favorites]

Someone wants to preview more. What a grand ambition that is.
posted by mudpuppie at 10:49 AM on April 16, 2009

Oh, it was cute. "This train is taking jobs out of Cleveland" is pretty good.
posted by Mister_A at 10:49 AM on April 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

Dude, seriously? I'd heard Cleveland rocks!
posted by Ogre Lawless at 10:49 AM on April 16, 2009

Cleveland...my last job had its headquarters there, and they tried to get me to move there. Everyone I spoke to repeated the same phrase, which must be some kind of official Cleveland slogan--"It's not as bad as it used to be!"
posted by MrMoonPie at 10:52 AM on April 16, 2009

It's not oppressively German enough, so it's not Cleveland.
posted by The Whelk at 10:53 AM on April 16, 2009

30 Rock did this joke first, but as a former Clevelander I still laughed.
posted by gerryblog at 10:56 AM on April 16, 2009

Any promotional tourism video with "douche bags" in it gets my vote!
posted by tommasz at 11:06 AM on April 16, 2009

This jerk probably wears denim jeans!
posted by orme at 11:07 AM on April 16, 2009

Well, at least it isn't fucking Ottawa.
posted by hifiparasol at 11:21 AM on April 16, 2009 [2 favorites]

I thought this one by the same guy was funnier.
posted by iconjack at 11:27 AM on April 16, 2009 [3 favorites]

This was FPP worthy? Really?
posted by JeffK at 11:31 AM on April 16, 2009

Your town/state/country/landmass/planet/system/galaxy/theoretical multiverse sux amirite?

You're telling me. Most places in Alternate realities and spliterverses change considerably. Our Vienna is pretty staid but the Western Capital Of the Kahn Vienna swings like a dead goat do. Likewise Queen California's Citadel in Nova Spain.

Most places, that is. Cleveland, no matter what the time profile, no matter what the reality, even the one where it was founded by telepathic space pods that communicate via orgasm, in every possible combination od worlds and situations, Cleveland is still dull.
posted by The Whelk at 11:31 AM on April 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

I like Cleveland.
posted by box at 11:32 AM on April 16, 2009 [3 favorites]

That got a chuckle. I really love Cleveland though, so I can't wholly approve of anything that reinforces the general pessimistic attitude that pervades the populace around here.
posted by sciurus at 11:33 AM on April 16, 2009

Aw, thanks box!
posted by sciurus at 11:34 AM on April 16, 2009

Pull your snark fists out of your snark buttholes.
posted by basicchannel at 11:35 AM on April 16, 2009

Hey, now that the Sunnydale hellmouth got closed up, there's always Cleveland!
posted by absalom at 11:36 AM on April 16, 2009 [2 favorites]

I hear Sarah Silverman is fucking Ottawa.
posted by unSane at 11:51 AM on April 16, 2009

Y'know, every country has one city that everyone makes fun of. In the United States, it's Cleveland. In Canada, it's Cleveland. In France, Germany, Russia...it's also Cleveland.
posted by hydrophonic at 11:54 AM on April 16, 2009 [5 favorites]

You know what's great about Cleveland?

posted by Mister_A at 11:59 AM on April 16, 2009

"It's better than Akron?"
posted by slogger at 12:13 PM on April 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

"The river isn't on fire anymore?"
"The Norton Furniture guy?"
"Amusingly corrupt county politicians?"
"City councilmen who drive drunk then pass text-messaging-while-driving bans?"


[ ] yes [x] no
posted by bitter-girl.com at 12:16 PM on April 16, 2009 [3 favorites]

Yeah, he probably should have invested more time.
posted by OHenryPacey at 12:23 PM on April 16, 2009

As a Clevelander born and bred (and a current New Yorker who will never go back to Cleveland), I love making fun of it, but, like a little sister, when someone else does it, I tend to get annoyed. That being said, this video and the 30 Rock episode both made me laugh.
posted by Falconetti at 12:24 PM on April 16, 2009

bitter girl,


if you can't get credit from me for mentioning norton furniture, you can't get credit anywhere else on metafilter. my member name is the aloha, and you can count on it (i don't have an extra $5).
posted by the aloha at 1:01 PM on April 16, 2009 [4 favorites]

Hey, the aloha -- dig this one -- even better!
posted by bitter-girl.com at 1:04 PM on April 16, 2009

Hey, the aloha -- dig this one -- even better!

that video was even better than my first time.
posted by the aloha at 1:35 PM on April 16, 2009

You know what's great about Cleveland?

It gives Milwaukee someone to look down on?
posted by MikeMc at 1:42 PM on April 16, 2009

mikemc, those of us without a horse in the race have had our viewpoint expressed very concisely by sir charles.
posted by the aloha at 1:49 PM on April 16, 2009

This may have colored Sir Charles' opinion slightly...
posted by MikeMc at 1:56 PM on April 16, 2009

I'll have you know, there's as many as nine awesome people in Cleveland and also two toddlers. Proof here.
posted by mismatched at 3:19 PM on April 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

This was FPP worthy? Really?

dude. i *hate* slyt posts. but this one has my approval!

and i LIKE cleveland!
posted by msconduct at 3:23 PM on April 16, 2009

Cleveland's a great place to live, but I wouldn't want to visit there.
posted by FfejL at 4:35 PM on April 16, 2009 [3 favorites]

Wait! Cleveland has the Air Guitar championship? Rock!
posted by dejah420 at 5:21 PM on April 16, 2009

Heh. This is funnier with sound (I watched it soundless at work today). First time around, I was all like, "Sushi Rock? What the fuck is that? God, I bet that place is full of total fucking douchebags." Sure enough. I miss Cleveland, though. It's poor, dirty, old, unpretentious, and probably the least douchey city in America. I mean, it's also poor, dirty and old. But you know.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 8:18 PM on April 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'll have you know, there's as many as nine awesome people in Cleveland and also two toddlers. Proof here.

Yo, I love all y'all as well. Best kept secret in the nation, and the next MeFi meet is at my place. Debbie_ann and sciurus, think you can schelp yourself and your wee bairn several blocks my way? The rest of you are invited as well, even you snarky haters amongst you. We'll convert you, and if we can't, we didn't want you in the first place.

(Oh and Sushi Rock? Indeed, full of douchebags. Like your city is perfect.)
posted by Avogadro at 9:13 PM on April 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

Hey, I'm not a snarky hater. Clevelander, born and bred. Even moved back here willingly to be with my boyfriend after living in a city with its own brand of Sushi Rock douchebags (newsflash: in Boston, I called them 'workout leprechauns,' and instead of striped shirts, they all wore baseball hats, were one foot shorter than me, drank exclusively at Irish bars and were named Sully).

C'mon. Our hometown is kind of funny. But it's also cool. For every county commissioner Medical Mart Jimmy Dimora's corruption fridge debacle (Illinois had Blago, we have a county commissioner the size of a Mack truck who, when his house got raided by the Feds and they took "a small refrigerator" away, the local joke was "can you imagine ANY fridge at Dimora's house being small?"), we've got art and really nice parks and affordable housing......... AND PAY PHONES and stuff.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 5:41 AM on April 17, 2009

I once spent two days stranded in Cleveland with no money, a pre-paid rental car with a full tank of gas, and a pound bag of jellybeans. A friend wired me some money so I could at least eat, and I spent a great morning at the nearest Western Union outlet which also happened to be a check cashing joint. Everybody who came into that place had a story whether they wanted to share it or not.

That afternoon I swapped the bag of jellybeans for admission to Geauga Lake (a family at the front gate had an extra ticket which I'm sure they would've given to me for free, but the jellybeans part makes for a better story.)

After the park closed, I drove around the highways looking for a rest area to sleep at. The next morning I hung out with a nice church lady who operated a coffee-n-donuts coach at the rest area. She swapped jokes with me and poured me a cup of coffee and handed me a donut when "nobody was looking."

I looked over a map to figure out how I could spend my day before I could go home. The donut lady spotted a site south of the city called the Happy Day Visitor's Center and said "You sound like you could use a happy day, so why not go there?" The place turned out to be a former WPA camp project in the Cuyahoga Valley National Park, and I had a wonderful time hiking around some lazy and lopy trails for free.

The entire weekend should have been a total wreck, but somehow the people I met managed to pull everything up for me. After that I've always had a bit of respect for Cleveland and haven't used it as a easy go-to punchline since.
posted by Spatch at 6:02 AM on April 17, 2009 [11 favorites]

Look everyone, I know Cleveland isn't the prettiest city. I know you at one point you could walk across Lake Erie, that is if you didn't get burned to a crisp first. I know it has more bums per capa than any other city. I know if you live or visit there for too long you get a cough known in some circles as "Clevelander Lung." BUT every time you bring these facts up a wonderful fat man named Drew dies inside a little. That being said if you travel due East for about an hour you will find a true shit hole known as Pittsburgh, which has the most cellulite per person than any other city in the world!

Go Browns, Cavs, and Tribe!
posted by Mastercheddaar at 6:21 AM on April 17, 2009

Yes, Mastercheddaar, but those Pittsburghian bastards still have an IKEA and we don't.

posted by bitter-girl.com at 6:29 AM on April 17, 2009

I spent my entire college career trashing Cleveland. Baww, it snows, there's nothing to do, everything smells bad, and there are no women.

Two years in the real world, and I sorta miss it.
posted by spamguy at 7:12 AM on April 17, 2009 [1 favorite]

Every city is about 60 percent Cleveland. Chicago is about 80 percent Cleveland. Northern New Jersey=Cleveland. Queens and central Long Island=Cleveland. Far west side of Midtown Manhattan=Cleveland. Nationwide, there are really only a few, sparklely, dazzling points of urban light, supported by acres and acres of dismal urban banality. Believe it or not, Cleveland has a few of these dazzling points of light, but the move a lot, and tend to flicker on and off. (The city's real treasures are it's eminently liveable and affordable suburbs.)
posted by Faze at 9:13 AM on April 17, 2009 [1 favorite]

Ever since I read that book, House, by the cookery writing guy (which I picked up on the basis of a Metafilter tip), I've wanted to live in Cleveland.

This tourist video makes me want to live there all the more.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:40 AM on April 17, 2009

If you come for a visit, I'll show you around, Peter.
posted by sciurus at 5:59 PM on April 17, 2009

This was plenty funny, but some this guy's other Youtube videos just SLAY me. Check out the thing that lives in his wall and his vastly unimpressive television credits.
posted by cirocco at 8:45 PM on April 17, 2009

PeterMcDermott, that's because Michael Ruhlman lives in Cleveland Heights, not in Cleveland. Apples and oranges... that said, when colleagues used to come over from Germany, I'd take them on driving tours of Cleveland Heights and Shaker Heights just to hear them sigh in awe at the giant, mansion-sized old houses out there that are amazing. My side of town isn't as drop dead gorgeous, but it's nice, and it's affordable. (I live in the city itself, but in one of its nicer sections).

I'd have a hard time convincing myself to live in downtown Cleveland if only because who the hell pays NYC-style prices for a crap condo with no amenities in walking distance? (And I'm sorry, but bars on West 6th do not count as amenities...a grocery store that doesn't charge $10 for a jar of mustard does).
posted by bitter-girl.com at 11:08 AM on April 21, 2009

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