Somniloquy is hilarious.
January 8, 2010 8:24 AM   Subscribe

It's amusing, but I'm having a hard time believing (all of) it's real.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 8:27 AM on January 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

My wife might use this idea to track my hallucinations when I take Ambien.
posted by grubi at 8:30 AM on January 8, 2010

Two words: Dion McGregor
posted by Bromius at 8:31 AM on January 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

Yeah, I talk in my sleep too but it's mostly word salad
posted by jckll at 8:33 AM on January 8, 2010

Oops, I forgot! Some definitely NSFW audio in that link!
posted by Bromius at 8:34 AM on January 8, 2010

I once woke up my partner in the morning by saying in my sleep, very very urgently, "Robotic Jesus on the cross. Robotic Jesus on the cross!"
posted by Tin Man at 8:37 AM on January 8, 2010

Somniloquy is hilarious

Not if you're a cabin full of strangers gathered together for weekend of hiking, all sleeping on the floor in sleeping bags up in the loft, and some idiot starts screaming "HELP ME!" over and over again in the middle of the night.

Trust me on this. It was an awkward breakfast.
posted by bondcliff at 8:42 AM on January 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

My fiance has a bad habit of talking to me while he's still asleep. He starts off coherent, but that doesn't usually last long. Once, we were watching a movie on the sofa. He was lying down, clearly drowsing, and I was sitting up on one end. All of a sudden, he jerked violently.

Me: Are you okay?
Him: Hmm? Yeah. Thought I was falling.
Me: Oh, I hate when that happens.
Him: I can't wait for the fish to start doing that, and laugh at us.
Me: What.
posted by specialagentwebb at 8:43 AM on January 8, 2010 [24 favorites]

Yeah, most of this sounds about as genuine as a page of Kevin Smith dialogue. In other words: kind of amusing, but not in any way resembling something an actual human being (either awake or dreaming) might say.
posted by Atom Eyes at 8:50 AM on January 8, 2010

Another vote for FAKE
posted by Outlawyr at 9:14 AM on January 8, 2010

NOT knocking your post - but just because The Diary Of A Nobody (1892) is always worth quoting;

Gowing and Cummings had dropped in during the evening, and I suddenly remembered an extraordinary dream I had a few nights ago, and I thought I would tell them about it. I dreamt I saw some huge blocks of ice in a shop with a bright glare behind them. I walked into the shop and the heat was overpowering. I found that the blocks of ice were on fire. The whole thing was so real and yet so supernatural I woke up in a cold perspiration. Lupin in a most contemptuous manner, said: 'What utter rot.'

Before I could reply, Gowing said there was nothing so completely uninteresting as other people's dreams.

I appealed to Cummings, but he said he was bound to agree with the others and my dream was especially nonsensical. I said: 'It seemed so real to me.' Gowing replied: 'Yes, to you perhaps, but not to us.' Whereupon they all roared.

Carrie, who had hitherto been quiet, said: 'He tells me his stupid dreams every morning nearly.' I replied: 'Very well, dear, I promise you I will never tell you or anybody else another dream of mine the longest day I live.' Lupin said: 'Hear! hear!' and helped himself to another glass of beer. The subject was fortunately changed, and Cummings read a most interesting article on the superiority of the bicycle to the horse.

posted by Jody Tresidder at 9:18 AM on January 8, 2010 [3 favorites]

I vote for fake, too, you vegan lentil rectum bunny.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 9:20 AM on January 8, 2010

OMG! I was totally somniloposting! WTF?!*&!
posted by Admiral Haddock at 9:21 AM on January 8, 2010

posted by The Devil Tesla at 9:24 AM on January 8, 2010

I hear the secrets that you keep
When you're talking in your sleep
posted by demiurge at 9:35 AM on January 8, 2010 [4 favorites]

The hell. This doesn't sound anything like actual sleep-talk. Sleep-talking is all unintentionally funny. Every single one of these hits you over the head with a punchline.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:36 AM on January 8, 2010

Also, not knocking the post, but continuing on Jody Tresidder's tangent... As one of the characters from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia so succintly put it:

I hate listening to people's dreams. It's like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them and nobody's having sex, I just don't care.
posted by slimepuppy at 9:40 AM on January 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

Yes, this is what all the screamers at Tufts are on about.
posted by kch at 9:40 AM on January 8, 2010

The highlight: "Vampire penguins? Zombie guinea pigs? We're done for.... done for."
posted by Lacking Subtlety at 9:45 AM on January 8, 2010

I love dream-logic. It's always a sad moment when you come fully to consciousness and you realize that whatever had been happening doesn't entirely make sense.

I think my favorites in illustrating it are the following:

Don't leave the duck there. It's totally irresponsible. Put it on the swing, it'll have much more fun.

My snorkle! My snorkle! Judge won't like it if I don't have my snorkle! You PLANT it... Don't want baby snorkles.

posted by six-or-six-thirty at 10:14 AM on January 8, 2010

I second Bromius' Dion McGregor mention - bought a cd of those recordings several years back & it's a funny/fascinating listen.

The closest I've ever come to somniloquy is waking up & saying, "Le canard est un fait," despite not knowing French. Other than that, if I manage to squeak out any sound, it's garbled nonsense, as though my vocal cords were paralyzed.
posted by Hesychia at 10:27 AM on January 8, 2010

My sleep partner recently did just declare very matter-of-factly "Sports zombies."
I really would like to hear the question that that was the answer to.
Also, Bongwater Double Bummer et al.
posted by zoinks at 10:43 AM on January 8, 2010

Bah, almost posted this.

I used to work nights and my boyfriend worked days, so I was often privy to his mumblings.

My favourites:

"But I'm a real boy not a woooden one!"

"I can't, I don't have the clues."
"Well normally, when you do a crossword puzzle, there's clues."

Now our work situations have reversed, but he usually just tells me I snore too much.
posted by yellowbinder at 10:46 AM on January 8, 2010

The duck is a fact?
posted by Malice at 10:49 AM on January 8, 2010

Didn't make sense to me either, Malice. Nor did I remember the inspiring dream.
posted by Hesychia at 11:00 AM on January 8, 2010

Every once in a while I find myself waking up during the middle of the night while I am explaining something very technical.
As I become more conscious, I realize that no one is paying attention to what I am saying.
My voice then trails off as I am embarrassed at the dissertation that no one hears.
Except sometimes my wife who laughs her ass off the next morning.
posted by Drasher at 12:21 PM on January 8, 2010

"HELP ME!" doesn't make breakfast as awkward as "Ohhh, Lassie!" does.
posted by Wolfdog at 12:24 PM on January 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

An old girlfriend of mine used to ask me questions when I was falling asleep. I think she did it just because she enjoyed the random nonsense. The only one I remember was, in response to what was probably a perfectly normal question about what we were going to do the next day: "That all depends on God and his magic crossbow."
posted by Limiter at 1:41 PM on January 8, 2010

"Skill panties"
posted by Hubajube at 1:54 PM on January 8, 2010

My favorite so far: "Yeah, you lay down, I'll get the tennis racket."


The possibilities.
posted by lholladay at 2:10 PM on January 8, 2010

Several years ago, when I worked overnight, I had a very stressful week at work during which my wife reported that I said some very strange and amusing things. during my afternoon sleep. Can't remember most of them, but she said good-bye before she went to take a shower and go out, and I sat up, looked her in the face, and said, "You're not just gonna leave that there, are you?"

I had no recollection of it at the time (and only know now because she told me about it), but apparently I was having a lot of work dreams. Boy, do I hate work dreams.

Thankfully, I don't work graveyard shift any more.

I really want to give blog lady the benefit of the doubt, but on the other hand, a few of these are a little too "I'm drowning in footwear!" Not sure.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 3:27 PM on January 8, 2010

I had a roommate in college that had a habit of napping frequently. Quite a few times during these naps he'd sit bolt upright, look straight at me with his eyes fully open, carry on a short conversation with me (usually about D&D, which he'd just discovered and was quite passionate about) for half a dozen exchanges, then lie back down and close his eyes again. Baffled the hell out of me the first time he did it, because he'd be totally in character and spoke to me as if I was as well. Afterward he never remembered a word of it.

One time he leaped up to answer the phone when it rang - before I could even get up from my desk - and then proceeded to tell the other person I couldn't come to the phone right now because I was " the pit. He's in the holy pit. OK, bye." and back to bed he went.

One sample dialog...I'd just come into the dorm room from an evening class and the door opening and closing had "roused" him:

Him: Can I have your magic missles?
Me (messing with him now that I knew what was up): Sorry, I used all mine.
Him (very baffled look): Who are you talking to??
Me: Well, how many of us are in this room?
Him (looks around, then with a sly grin): ...There's almost two of us.
Me: Go back to sleep, man.
Him: OK. (and does so)
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:43 PM on January 8, 2010

Occasionally my wife talks in her sleep, except it's fragmented and in both English and Cantonese, I usually don't catch enough of it to make sense of it.

She also laughs in her sleep sometimes.

The other thing is the volume; one night she woke me up with her talking and then suddenly it got loud for a few seconds before dropping off again.

I said: Honey, you're talking in your sleep. And then she was quiet again.

The next morning I asked her about it: she didn't remember talking but she did remember me telling her about it although she never woke up.

posted by bwg at 5:20 PM on January 8, 2010

freshman year of college, there was a girl in our dorm hall who would talk in her sleep. her roommate sometime invited us in to hear it. it was fun. we used to ask her questions to keep the dialogue going, until one time she started freaking out about her dad having to shoot her favorite horse. then it became not fun and we stopped doing it. the end.
posted by SeƱor Pantalones at 8:07 PM on January 9, 2010

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