Do you wanna date my avatar, she's a star
March 31, 2010 1:47 PM Subscribe
The stereotype of people who play a lot of videogames is that they're mostly guys who can't get a good-looking woman to talk to them unless they're paid to do so. GameCrush is not assisting in the refutation of that stereotype.
Players can sign up to play a variety of online games with PlayDates (yes, they're called PlayDates) starting at $6.60/10 minutes. Kotaku has a possibly NSFW gallery of some of the PlayDates; the site has reached capacity in open beta.
(Via Penny Arcade, where Tycho makes a desperate plea for sanity.)
Players can sign up to play a variety of online games with PlayDates (yes, they're called PlayDates) starting at $6.60/10 minutes. Kotaku has a possibly NSFW gallery of some of the PlayDates; the site has reached capacity in open beta.
(Via Penny Arcade, where Tycho makes a desperate plea for sanity.)
DRIFTBBY - "I spit that lyrical imbound &you know Ima smoke your car &send it to the impound. I'm the mutha fcukin realist. Best respect &bow down! :]"
what
posted by desjardins at 1:51 PM on March 31, 2010 [5 favorites]
what
posted by desjardins at 1:51 PM on March 31, 2010 [5 favorites]
Well then, gone are the days of surfing online dating websites for cute nerdy guys to play games with. (Unfortunately I'm only halfway joking...)
posted by biochemist at 1:51 PM on March 31, 2010
posted by biochemist at 1:51 PM on March 31, 2010
there was this one time that john romero almost made me his bitch...
posted by the aloha at 1:54 PM on March 31, 2010 [14 favorites]
posted by the aloha at 1:54 PM on March 31, 2010 [14 favorites]
Sometimes (ok, a lot of the time) I'm really ashamed of my gender.
I don't think either gender comes off well here. Bleargh.
posted by Sticherbeast at 2:22 PM on March 31, 2010
I don't think either gender comes off well here. Bleargh.
posted by Sticherbeast at 2:22 PM on March 31, 2010
A new Turing Test: is this a real girl you're playing the game against, or does the game just have really good AI?
posted by sebastienbailard at 2:25 PM on March 31, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by sebastienbailard at 2:25 PM on March 31, 2010 [2 favorites]
Maybe this is meant to appeal to men who feel guilty watching a woman masturbate on a webcam. This way they could con themselves they're not actually doing it for the sexual content.
posted by selton at 2:28 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by selton at 2:28 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
I expect a wave of tranny playdate homosexual panic any minute now.
posted by BrotherCaine at 2:30 PM on March 31, 2010 [4 favorites]
posted by BrotherCaine at 2:30 PM on March 31, 2010 [4 favorites]
There is a joke about to be made here about multi-tasking, watching porn, chatting, masturbating and playing video games.
I am not the person to make that joke.
posted by oddman at 2:33 PM on March 31, 2010
I am not the person to make that joke.
posted by oddman at 2:33 PM on March 31, 2010
There is a joke about to be made here about multi-tasking, watching porn, chatting, masturbating and playing video games.
You just unlocked Amber!
posted by Babblesort at 2:38 PM on March 31, 2010 [7 favorites]
You just unlocked Amber!
posted by Babblesort at 2:38 PM on March 31, 2010 [7 favorites]
supremely unhappy about this site. just want to record that officially. mark me down, ye who keep tallies, as not okay with this shit.
posted by shmegegge at 2:40 PM on March 31, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by shmegegge at 2:40 PM on March 31, 2010 [3 favorites]
I bet a normal sexline person would be willing to play battleship with you if you asked
posted by ServSci at 2:45 PM on March 31, 2010 [6 favorites]
posted by ServSci at 2:45 PM on March 31, 2010 [6 favorites]
Just as long as they don't reproduce, they can pretend to have sex all they want.
posted by tommasz at 2:53 PM on March 31, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by tommasz at 2:53 PM on March 31, 2010 [2 favorites]
Maybe this is meant to appeal to men who feel guilty watching a woman masturbate on a webcam. This way they could con themselves they're not actually doing it for the sexual content.
I think this is creepy for the same reason that the many normal cam girl are creepy, but honestly I would rather play video games with some random woman than watch her masturbate. Luckily it's pretty easy to play video games with all kinds of people without paying $0.66 a minute.
posted by burnmp3s at 3:09 PM on March 31, 2010
I think this is creepy for the same reason that the many normal cam girl are creepy, but honestly I would rather play video games with some random woman than watch her masturbate. Luckily it's pretty easy to play video games with all kinds of people without paying $0.66 a minute.
posted by burnmp3s at 3:09 PM on March 31, 2010
I whatted so hard I ran out of what
posted by rusty at 3:10 PM on March 31, 2010 [15 favorites]
posted by rusty at 3:10 PM on March 31, 2010 [15 favorites]
A new Turing Test: is this a real girl you're playing the game against
That's actually the original Turing test.
posted by robertc at 3:12 PM on March 31, 2010 [10 favorites]
That's actually the original Turing test.
posted by robertc at 3:12 PM on March 31, 2010 [10 favorites]
The crushing, desperate loneliness I gather that one feels after pulling yourself senseless for an entire morning to Belladonna clips on RedTube tends to be assuaged quite effectively by a few good rounds of power-levelling your second character in Borderlands splitscreen so this, which is something of a mixture of the two, I have no problem with. 'Course, a few beers later and you've been watching Mad Moxxi vellicate all over Pandora for a few hours and it's back to the PC for some Stoya, which you are happy to discover you were already caching in a tertiary Firefox tab. I imagine.
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:13 PM on March 31, 2010 [8 favorites]
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:13 PM on March 31, 2010 [8 favorites]
On the one hand, this is so unspeakbly gross and sad as to represent a collective low point for pretty much all of humanity.
On the other hand, now it seems like I could pick up an extra $40/hour playing video games on evenings and weekends just by pretending to be a woman. I guess we'll find out how much my dignity is worth.
posted by Copronymus at 3:14 PM on March 31, 2010 [3 favorites]
On the other hand, now it seems like I could pick up an extra $40/hour playing video games on evenings and weekends just by pretending to be a woman. I guess we'll find out how much my dignity is worth.
posted by Copronymus at 3:14 PM on March 31, 2010 [3 favorites]
From what I hear it's pretty easy to find someone to yell dirty words at you, in a voice of higher pitch than an adult male's, while you play video games online together. Can these folks compete with free?
posted by No-sword at 3:18 PM on March 31, 2010 [4 favorites]
posted by No-sword at 3:18 PM on March 31, 2010 [4 favorites]
Dear Being Taken Seriously Committee (BeTaSeCo),
We, the civilized men and women of MetaFilter, with a higher-than-usual ratio of gamers ofboth all genders among us, officially condemn GameCrush.
Thank you,
posted by griphus at 3:22 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
We, the civilized men and women of MetaFilter, with a higher-than-usual ratio of gamers of
Thank you,
posted by griphus at 3:22 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
This is bizarre. 500 points is $8.25. So it's $6.60 (400 points) for 10 minutes of gaming, then you're invited to send $1.65 (100 points) to the girl as a tip. The games on their site are shitty and XBox Live games don't support the camera, so you're basically paying to open a webcam conversation with a girl, who is not interested in you, but has an incentive to continue talking to you for 9 more minutes.
posted by IanMorr at 3:27 PM on March 31, 2010
posted by IanMorr at 3:27 PM on March 31, 2010
Sure, there's the original turing test challenge, but PlayDateBots should also be able to fake being flirty or dirty while gaming, including CG graphics for the webcam aspect. IBM can make a mean chess bot, but no one was swooning over Deep Blue.
posted by filthy light thief at 3:31 PM on March 31, 2010
posted by filthy light thief at 3:31 PM on March 31, 2010
but no one was swooning over Deep Blue.
This may not be true. I've had friends that were VERY into certain computer hardware.
posted by Hicksu at 3:35 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
This may not be true. I've had friends that were VERY into certain computer hardware.
posted by Hicksu at 3:35 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
But what if they were HUMAN BABIES?
posted by Splunge at 3:37 PM on March 31, 2010 [4 favorites]
posted by Splunge at 3:37 PM on March 31, 2010 [4 favorites]
Oh man, that's just really, really depressing. I saw them linked on PA, but the site was down and didn't investigate further. I'm not sure which is worse; that such a site can exist at all, or that it's no doubt going be a licence to print money.
Perhaps I should setup an alternative free site where gamers of all genders can set up real 'playdates' on various online games of their choice, cam most definitely optional. Girls can find their sweet cute nerdy gamer guys, and guys can find their fluffy cute nerdy gamer girls, and everybody can be happy without being exploited.
I'd just need to set up some sort of mod system to kick trolls and dickheads in the nuts remotely...
posted by ArkhanJG at 3:44 PM on March 31, 2010 [2 favorites]
Perhaps I should setup an alternative free site where gamers of all genders can set up real 'playdates' on various online games of their choice, cam most definitely optional. Girls can find their sweet cute nerdy gamer guys, and guys can find their fluffy cute nerdy gamer girls, and everybody can be happy without being exploited.
I'd just need to set up some sort of mod system to kick trolls and dickheads in the nuts remotely...
posted by ArkhanJG at 3:44 PM on March 31, 2010 [2 favorites]
On the other hand, now it seems like I could pick up an extra $40/hour...
I can't imagine that these... women or whatever... are pulling in much more than a quarter of what the desperate sweaty types are paying.
posted by gurple at 3:44 PM on March 31, 2010
I can't imagine that these... women or whatever... are pulling in much more than a quarter of what the desperate sweaty types are paying.
posted by gurple at 3:44 PM on March 31, 2010
I'd just need to set up some sort of mod system to kick trolls and dickheads in the nuts remotely...
If you could do that, the Nobel Peace Prize would be permanently retired after you got yours.
posted by Halloween Jack at 3:53 PM on March 31, 2010 [3 favorites]
Phone Sex meets the video game age. At least it's not $4.99/minute...
posted by hippybear at 4:01 PM on March 31, 2010
posted by hippybear at 4:01 PM on March 31, 2010
Yeah, as a gamer who just happens to be female I feel like I should comment on this but I'm too busy playing fallout 2. If any of these greasy misogynist fucks wants to pop over my way, I would be happy to show them the business end of a modified assault rifle or two.
Honestly, I'm not sure this even deserves our attention. I don't really want to bother having a serious discussion with some people who seem to have gotten their understanding of gender relations from the back cover copy of a Girls Gone Wild dvd.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 4:08 PM on March 31, 2010 [4 favorites]
Honestly, I'm not sure this even deserves our attention. I don't really want to bother having a serious discussion with some people who seem to have gotten their understanding of gender relations from the back cover copy of a Girls Gone Wild dvd.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 4:08 PM on March 31, 2010 [4 favorites]
I don't know. It sounds sad, but at least these are real conversations with real girls. This could be quite the confidence-booster for seriously socially awkward guys. Make fun of it all you want, but I say that's probably a good thing.
... oh wait it's $8.50 for 10 minutes? THE FUUUUCK
posted by naju at 4:12 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
... oh wait it's $8.50 for 10 minutes? THE FUUUUCK
posted by naju at 4:12 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
This actually sounds like a lucrative thing for the girl gamers, and beats the hell out of traditional methods of cam-whoring. I am a cash-strapped girl who just took a second job wherein I occasionally deliver pizzas, and it is already so boring and dehumanizing that I would gladly let a dude double my tip, providing he was a harmless gamer geek, just to let me pizzown him for 10 mins in Tekken or something. (Meaning eat his pizza while I pwn him, of course)
posted by Juicy Avenger at 4:15 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Juicy Avenger at 4:15 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
People will continue to exercise their oddities in cyberspace the same way they have exercised them in real space for centuries. People are weird, let them be weird as long as they're not hurting anyone.
Honestly, a few people will find a good match (or at least a few good chats) from this. The other 99% will continue to be weird as hell, but this probably isn't making them any weirder.
posted by Tehhund at 4:29 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
Honestly, a few people will find a good match (or at least a few good chats) from this. The other 99% will continue to be weird as hell, but this probably isn't making them any weirder.
posted by Tehhund at 4:29 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
What thread is this Human Babies meme from? I keep seeing it.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 4:38 PM on March 31, 2010
posted by Baby_Balrog at 4:38 PM on March 31, 2010
(Meaning eat his pizza while I pwn him, of course)
Is that a euphemism?
posted by acb at 4:45 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
Is that a euphemism?
posted by acb at 4:45 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
This, my friends, is why my children are going to play video games the way nature intended: in a room with other children also playing the same video game.
and if that means I have to buy a whole bunch of awesome games and, like, every kind of madcap head-to-head controller ever made, well, i think i can take a hit for the team
The crushing, desperate loneliness I gather that one feels after pulling yourself senseless for an entire morning to Belladonna clips on RedTube tends to be assuaged quite effectively by a few good rounds of power-levelling your second character in Borderlands splitscreen so this, which is something of a mixture of the two, I have no problem with. 'Course, a few beers later and you've been watching Mad Moxxi vellicate all over Pandora for a few hours and it's back to the PC for some Stoya, which you are happy to discover you were already caching in a tertiary Firefox tab. I imagine.
First this was hilarious, then kind of depressing, then I lost track of what you were saying, then I got distracted and ate a cookie.
posted by davejay at 4:53 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
and if that means I have to buy a whole bunch of awesome games and, like, every kind of madcap head-to-head controller ever made, well, i think i can take a hit for the team
The crushing, desperate loneliness I gather that one feels after pulling yourself senseless for an entire morning to Belladonna clips on RedTube tends to be assuaged quite effectively by a few good rounds of power-levelling your second character in Borderlands splitscreen so this, which is something of a mixture of the two, I have no problem with. 'Course, a few beers later and you've been watching Mad Moxxi vellicate all over Pandora for a few hours and it's back to the PC for some Stoya, which you are happy to discover you were already caching in a tertiary Firefox tab. I imagine.
First this was hilarious, then kind of depressing, then I lost track of what you were saying, then I got distracted and ate a cookie.
posted by davejay at 4:53 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
What thread is this Human Babies meme from? I keep seeing it.
I thought it was a reference to the OMG Cat thread.
posted by burnmp3s at 4:54 PM on March 31, 2010
I thought it was a reference to the OMG Cat thread.
posted by burnmp3s at 4:54 PM on March 31, 2010
Each party is a voluntary participant.
The only thing I can find wrong with GameCrush is that I didn't think of it first.
posted by vapidave at 4:59 PM on March 31, 2010 [2 favorites]
The only thing I can find wrong with GameCrush is that I didn't think of it first.
posted by vapidave at 4:59 PM on March 31, 2010 [2 favorites]
I am a cash-strapped girl who just took a second job wherein I occasionally deliver pizzas, and it is already so boring and dehumanizing that I would gladly let a dude double my tip, providing he was a harmless gamer geek, just to let me pizzown him for 10 mins in Tekken or something. (Meaning eat his pizza while I pwn him, of course)
1. Of course? That certainly wasn't the first interpretation that ran through my head for "pizzown".
2. I took a pizza delivery job when I got out of the Army, and it was the BEST JOB I EVER HAD (and I'm now a CxO at a successful small consulting company). So I can only conclude that either my own standards are way too low, or ur doin it rong.
posted by me & my monkey at 5:05 PM on March 31, 2010
1. Of course? That certainly wasn't the first interpretation that ran through my head for "pizzown".
2. I took a pizza delivery job when I got out of the Army, and it was the BEST JOB I EVER HAD (and I'm now a CxO at a successful small consulting company). So I can only conclude that either my own standards are way too low, or ur doin it rong.
posted by me & my monkey at 5:05 PM on March 31, 2010
then I got distracted and ate a cookie...
I too enjoy cookies.
posted by turgid dahlia at 5:12 PM on March 31, 2010
I too enjoy cookies.
posted by turgid dahlia at 5:12 PM on March 31, 2010
Yeah, as a gamer who just happens to be female I feel like I should comment on this but I'm too busy playing fallout 2. If any of these greasy misogynist fucks wants to pop over my way, I would be happy to show them the business end of a modified assault rifle or two.
Greasy? Misogynist? You're reading a lot into a, probably unsuccessful, business plan.
And I think everyone over the age of 2yrs old realises that the 'fire' button on a computer game is the same size whether it's pushed by a male or a female.
Men like sex and will pay for it, even in deranged ways.
posted by selton at 5:13 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
Greasy? Misogynist? You're reading a lot into a, probably unsuccessful, business plan.
And I think everyone over the age of 2yrs old realises that the 'fire' button on a computer game is the same size whether it's pushed by a male or a female.
Men like sex and will pay for it, even in deranged ways.
posted by selton at 5:13 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
What thread is this Human Babies meme from? I keep seeing it.
It was from the deleted hungry kittens thread.
Not sure how I feel about Gamecrush. If the PlayDates were kittens, however, I would be outraged.
posted by tastybrains at 5:16 PM on March 31, 2010
It was from the deleted hungry kittens thread.
Not sure how I feel about Gamecrush. If the PlayDates were kittens, however, I would be outraged.
posted by tastybrains at 5:16 PM on March 31, 2010
The saddest thing about this GameCrush thing is that I, as an unemployed nerdy girl with minimal legit nerd skills apart from playing games and being adorably inept at them, could probably make a killing on this thing. I'd just need to get a lacy bra to peek out of the top of my shirts and some better lighting and I'd be set. If only I could resolve my desire for cash dollars with the utter contempt, loathing, and shame this whole GameCrush situation inspires! Damn you, innate morals and respect for human beings. Why do you take my money away from me?
posted by Mizu at 5:18 PM on March 31, 2010
posted by Mizu at 5:18 PM on March 31, 2010
There is a joke about to be made here about multi-tasking, watching porn, chatting, masturbating and playing video games.
FTFY.
posted by Splunge at 5:18 PM on March 31, 2010
FTFY.
posted by Splunge at 5:18 PM on March 31, 2010
Not sure how I feel about Gamecrush. If the PlayDates were kittens, however, I would be outraged.
I dunno, I think it would be pretty awesome to pwn up some random cats at Soul Calibur. I mean, unless the cat picked Yoshimitsu, I always lose against Yoshimitsu..
posted by threetoed at 5:25 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
I dunno, I think it would be pretty awesome to pwn up some random cats at Soul Calibur. I mean, unless the cat picked Yoshimitsu, I always lose against Yoshimitsu..
posted by threetoed at 5:25 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
That's a brilliant idea: use computer vision to translate cat behaviors into button-mashing for fighting games.
posted by Pyry at 5:38 PM on March 31, 2010
posted by Pyry at 5:38 PM on March 31, 2010
If gamers on average are anything like the gamers I know...desperate teenagers who spend way too much money and have no idea how to interact with actual human beings...this is going to have a million users by the end of the year.
posted by miyabo at 6:02 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by miyabo at 6:02 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]
I have no idea how much typical escort services cost, and I'm not sure I want to know, but the low end can't be too far out of the ballpark of GameCrush's $40/hour fee. I mean, if you're that desperate and lonely, and have the money to burn, why would you settle for grainy 2D video?
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 6:11 PM on March 31, 2010
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 6:11 PM on March 31, 2010
Uh, guys, this isn't a real online social networking site. It's just an online strip site. "Camwhore" is the preferred terminology in certain parts of the web.
Linking the gaming with the stripping is fairly brilliant though. The addictive like nature of games will probably mean that the average customer will spend a longer time at the site.
posted by afu at 7:40 PM on March 31, 2010
Linking the gaming with the stripping is fairly brilliant though. The addictive like nature of games will probably mean that the average customer will spend a longer time at the site.
posted by afu at 7:40 PM on March 31, 2010
I can't decide if I like this because it will give the creepy guys an outlet so they quit being creepy assholes to normal girls who play games, or if I hate it because it will just further the idea that if a girl plays video games, she's there for a guy's sexual amusement.
posted by Nattie at 7:49 PM on March 31, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by Nattie at 7:49 PM on March 31, 2010 [3 favorites]
I'm a guy gamer who's run several teams / been in several teams and I find having girls play with you is nothing but trouble. It distracts the weaker minded players...
/misses the point/
posted by xdvesper at 7:56 PM on March 31, 2010 [2 favorites]
/misses the point/
posted by xdvesper at 7:56 PM on March 31, 2010 [2 favorites]
I'm disappointed that there are so very few female gamers who play the games that I do.
Then I see the behavior of my fellows when one joins voice chat, and I understand why.
posted by Rictic at 8:19 PM on March 31, 2010
Then I see the behavior of my fellows when one joins voice chat, and I understand why.
posted by Rictic at 8:19 PM on March 31, 2010
That's actually the original Turing test.
No, the original test is:
If the geek in question isn't interested in paying to chat up girls while playing video games against them, then we can determine he's actually Alan Turing.
posted by sebastienbailard at 8:38 PM on March 31, 2010 [2 favorites]
No, the original test is:
If the geek in question isn't interested in paying to chat up girls while playing video games against them, then we can determine he's actually Alan Turing.
posted by sebastienbailard at 8:38 PM on March 31, 2010 [2 favorites]
Rictic: "I'm disappointed that there are so very few female gamers who play the games that I do."
Someone needs to invent a microphone mod that drops your voice like two octaves and makes you sound like Barry White. Then women can finally game in peace.
anecdotal: I don't play FPS or RTS games online, and I've never had a problem with male gamers that a quick "no, thank you" couldn't solve.
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 2:46 AM on April 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
Someone needs to invent a microphone mod that drops your voice like two octaves and makes you sound like Barry White. Then women can finally game in peace.
anecdotal: I don't play FPS or RTS games online, and I've never had a problem with male gamers that a quick "no, thank you" couldn't solve.
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 2:46 AM on April 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
My girlfriend is seriously considering doing this and as an aspiring journalist she thinks that it will also give her something to write about.
As it is she already gets enough guys hitting on her during Halo or sending naked pics of themselves via Xbox Live that she figures she might as well get paid at the same time.
I'm not sure who is going to be willing to pay $6.60 for 10 minutes but I doubt it will be the same teen boys that are making lewd comments to her now and more likely to be sleazy older guys with money to burn. But she has to deal with these type of guys in person in her current job so online should be easier.
posted by electricinca at 4:03 AM on April 1, 2010
As it is she already gets enough guys hitting on her during Halo or sending naked pics of themselves via Xbox Live that she figures she might as well get paid at the same time.
I'm not sure who is going to be willing to pay $6.60 for 10 minutes but I doubt it will be the same teen boys that are making lewd comments to her now and more likely to be sleazy older guys with money to burn. But she has to deal with these type of guys in person in her current job so online should be easier.
posted by electricinca at 4:03 AM on April 1, 2010
It will be sad when some gamers get addicted to this service. They'll burn through their disposable income pretty quickly and will be reduced to more and more desperate acts to get the money they need to play with their chosen girl. Gamestop will reap a bounty in used games, but that can only sate them for so long. They'll start of in the gray areas: gold farming or power leveling WoW characters, making sure their clan takes a dive on the third round of some FPS tourney, or maybe modding consoles on the side.
As these gamers become more and more addicted to their female playmates, they'll start to branch out into more illegal actions. Stealing from family and loved ones, hacking, and identity theft will be justified if it can make just enough MS points for another few rounds on Xbox Live.
The media will get involved. "Look what videogames are doing to our children!" It'll be Seduction of the Innocent, Tipper Gore, Hot Coffee all over again. Microsoft will be forced to respond, banishing the GameCrush girls from Xbox Live.
But where the girls go, their beaus will follow.
Separated from the need to charge points for play, the girls' demands will branch out. Cash is always welcome, of course, but so are gifts. Heck, honey, you could just sign over your house, your car to me, then we can play together for weeks and weeks. What? No house or car? We could work something out. Why don't you go collect items from this list of old junk I want? Copper pipe. Compressors. Engines. Nuts and bolts. Thick glass, stuff like that. Just bring it all to this address and you can buy more time with me.
The gamers go crazy, scavenging the land for the items their mistresses demand. It's worth it for just a few more minutes, a few more rounds, with a person, a real person who you've bonded with. The media bangs the drum even harder and the GameCrush girls are forced to find new locations that welcome them and their shady demands. Servers are moved off shore, new games are custom made for gamer guy and GameCrush girl play. No reputable game company will deal with them anymore, so the guys are left playing knock-offs of Pipe Dream, but since it's the time spent with the girl that matters, they don't care.
The need to be with their GameCrushes will be so strong that the gamers will not think twice about responding to that late night request to meet. They won't care that they need to go down to a shady location by the docks, or that they can't tell anyone where they're going. They just want to be together, forever. They'll be blind to anything but the girl. She is their focus, their salvation.
Their angel.
They will pledge their love, their devotion. They have given everything they can but still want to give more. They will follow her to the ends of the earth, to the tops of the mountains, to the bottom of the sea.
They won't feel a thing as the diving suit is sealed shut around them, as their hand is replaced by a horrible, spinning drill. Though they will hear that long, mournful groan reverberate around their helmets, they will not hear sorrow.
They will hear joy. Joy as each slow, plodding step brings them closer to their crush, their love, their world all bound up in a single girl.
And woe to those who would come between.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:42 AM on April 1, 2010 [11 favorites]
As these gamers become more and more addicted to their female playmates, they'll start to branch out into more illegal actions. Stealing from family and loved ones, hacking, and identity theft will be justified if it can make just enough MS points for another few rounds on Xbox Live.
The media will get involved. "Look what videogames are doing to our children!" It'll be Seduction of the Innocent, Tipper Gore, Hot Coffee all over again. Microsoft will be forced to respond, banishing the GameCrush girls from Xbox Live.
But where the girls go, their beaus will follow.
Separated from the need to charge points for play, the girls' demands will branch out. Cash is always welcome, of course, but so are gifts. Heck, honey, you could just sign over your house, your car to me, then we can play together for weeks and weeks. What? No house or car? We could work something out. Why don't you go collect items from this list of old junk I want? Copper pipe. Compressors. Engines. Nuts and bolts. Thick glass, stuff like that. Just bring it all to this address and you can buy more time with me.
The gamers go crazy, scavenging the land for the items their mistresses demand. It's worth it for just a few more minutes, a few more rounds, with a person, a real person who you've bonded with. The media bangs the drum even harder and the GameCrush girls are forced to find new locations that welcome them and their shady demands. Servers are moved off shore, new games are custom made for gamer guy and GameCrush girl play. No reputable game company will deal with them anymore, so the guys are left playing knock-offs of Pipe Dream, but since it's the time spent with the girl that matters, they don't care.
The need to be with their GameCrushes will be so strong that the gamers will not think twice about responding to that late night request to meet. They won't care that they need to go down to a shady location by the docks, or that they can't tell anyone where they're going. They just want to be together, forever. They'll be blind to anything but the girl. She is their focus, their salvation.
Their angel.
They will pledge their love, their devotion. They have given everything they can but still want to give more. They will follow her to the ends of the earth, to the tops of the mountains, to the bottom of the sea.
They won't feel a thing as the diving suit is sealed shut around them, as their hand is replaced by a horrible, spinning drill. Though they will hear that long, mournful groan reverberate around their helmets, they will not hear sorrow.
They will hear joy. Joy as each slow, plodding step brings them closer to their crush, their love, their world all bound up in a single girl.
And woe to those who would come between.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:42 AM on April 1, 2010 [11 favorites]
minifigs, that blog post started out promisingly, but the whole "What’s that mean for girls who do sign up as PlayDates?" section is textbook bean-plating.
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:14 PM on April 2, 2010
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:14 PM on April 2, 2010
« Older Why should I and noble Lords trust the Executive... | Like air hockey for the friendless Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by kmz at 1:49 PM on March 31, 2010