"I knew that tuna-eating lizard was useless."
November 9, 2010 5:13 PM   Subscribe

Well, I enjoyed the '98 movie version. I think people take this kind of stuff a wee bit too seriously.
posted by Old'n'Busted at 5:24 PM on November 9, 2010

In that case, Godzilla would then slither on his belly, using his legs as an alligator would? For some reason that seems more terrifying to me than the walking version. And I definitely wasn't ready for that pig story.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 5:29 PM on November 9, 2010

I have a Gamera version of that orange and black cutaway illustration. Furthermore, Gamera would kick Gozilla's ass.
posted by Huck500 at 5:57 PM on November 9, 2010 [5 favorites]

To begin with, let's get things straight and admit up front that Godzilla is not a real animal, nor was it ever. It's an unfeasibly big late-surviving dinosaur (belonging to the hypothetical taxon Godzillasaurus, according to some), mutated by radiation, with a radioactive heart. Godzilla is virtually impervious to other gigantic monsters, and also to robots, artillery, laser blasts, lava and fire. Not real. Sorry about that.

"I don't want to talk to a scientist, y'all mother fuckers lyin, and gettin me pissed!"
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 6:19 PM on November 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

Well, I enjoyed the '98 movie version.

I'm sort of fond of it as well. It's goofy and fun in it's own way. I just don't understand why it's called "Godzilla."
posted by brundlefly at 6:20 PM on November 9, 2010 [2 favorites]

"I knew that tuna-eating lizard was useless."

Thumbs up for quoting Godzilla: Final Wars - the ultimate go-to B-movie, it's got aliens, androids, mutants, monsters, laser guns, spaceships... yeah, everything short of zombies. Win beyond win.
posted by yeloson at 6:31 PM on November 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

Old'n'Busted, really? The freaking newly hatched godzillalets were more of a problem than the mommy herself! Gack. HATED IT.

(Besides, everyone knows Baby Godzilla is friendly. And so cute!)
posted by IAmBroom at 6:34 PM on November 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

Well, I enjoyed the '98 movie version.

I sort of thought it was pure mother fuckin' filler, designed to keep my eyes off the real killer.
posted by mannequito at 6:47 PM on November 9, 2010

For all the impossibilities, I'm embarrassed that what got me all wound up was seeing Godzilla with patellae.
posted by Uniformitarianism Now! at 7:03 PM on November 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

What is a Gigan?
posted by vrakatar at 7:54 PM on November 9, 2010

I liked Ang Lee's Hulk, but not the 1998 Godzilla. Trying to make Godzilla "realistic" struck me as completely missing the point, like obtaining the rights to the Legion of Super-Heroes and then building your movie around a gritty, tragic hero story starring Matter-Eater Lad. (Actually, that sounds kind of awesome. But I think you see what I mean.)
posted by No-sword at 8:09 PM on November 9, 2010

I hated Ang Lee's Hulk. With all of the bizzarre, powerful and frightening enemies the Hulk has in the comic, Lee made him fight a hung-over Nick Nolte and a giant poodle.
posted by Slap*Happy at 4:52 AM on November 10, 2010

Well this is where I think we get into a friction-point between traditional Godzilla (guy in rubber suit) vs what the American audiences expected. The GINO version was obviously more like a super-sized dino, and a whole LOT smarter and faster than the traditional model. Taken as a stand-alone movie with zero connections to the tradition (serious lack of nuke breath), it hangs together reasonably well. A better title would have been "Godzilla American Style".

To me, it all depends on what you into the movie and expect. I excepted an action monster movie that trashed the living hell out of New York. I got it (hiding INSIDE the buildings? LOVE IT). I also got a never-thought-of-that mommy Godzilla and the hatchlings. I got an underwater scene with a sub. I got a nice build-up to New York with the patch of destruction (vs traditional where it just appears and wrecks power lines). There was more of the humans-vs-the-monster than I had seen in previous traditional Godzilla movies, which was more of casting Godzilla as a savior of the island (ex: Godzilla vs The Smog Monster) that just happened to trash the island on occasion. But you know, I also thought Van Helsing and Jonah Hex were fun, watchable movies that I didn't feel the need to analyze after watching them.

tl;dr: GINO was a B-level movie trying very hard to be an A-level movie for American audiences. But Cloverfield, it wasn't.
posted by Old'n'Busted at 5:20 AM on November 10, 2010

I actually liked the design of GINO, and was non-plussed by the Cloverfield beastie. GINO wasn't just huge, but fast and athletic, maybe a little sexy in a sleekly-powerful-humanoid way, and massively aggressive with that huge jaw - a pretty iconic monster design all around, hobbled by a PG-13 rating. Rated R, with that huge jaw being stuffed with screaming people and bodies smeared into strawberry jam marking its track through panicked crowds, and that would have been a movie worth the tickets and popcorn.

Cloverfield was a mish-mash of the monster from The Host and the Rancor Beast in Star Wars, with an ungainly foreleg arrangement that looked like it was constantly tripping over itself. Unpleasant, but not iconic and fascinating in the the way of GINO, the OG Godzilla, or the Jurassic Park T-Rex. Also, the parasites were fairly blatant rip-offs of the baby-godzilla theme from the American Godzilla, which were rip-offs of Jurrasic Park's Raptors. In GINO and Cloverfield, it just got in the way of the "giant force of nature, humans are powerless" theme. It gave the protagonists something to fight and vanquish where there should be no hope of anything resembling victory in a good giant monster romp.
posted by Slap*Happy at 6:22 AM on November 10, 2010

The GINO version was obviously more like a super-sized dino, and a whole LOT smarter and faster than the traditional model.

Oh, you say this, but Original Godzilla (henceforth 'OG', as befits him), not only sensed Space Godzilla coming down from high orbit, but calculated the range & trajectories his nuclear breath would need to intercept him during re-entry!

In Final Wars, he's doing feints and turning other kaiju against each other, setting them up to hit each other by accident.

Besides, you know G-cells adapt every time they're injured, right? Standing out in the open, taking the hits, only makes OG stronger...

(retreats to high geek corner)
posted by yeloson at 10:39 AM on November 10, 2010

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