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the Tactical Adventure Medical Preparedness Outdoors Necessity (T.A.M.P.O.N.)
October 17, 2012 5:52 PM   Subscribe

The Swiss Army Tampon - a life-saving wilderness survival tool
posted by flex (49 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite

 
Damn straight.
posted by Sublimity at 6:02 PM on October 17, 2012


But can I use it while horseback riding?

What about skydiving?
posted by sparklemotion at 6:02 PM on October 17, 2012 [4 favorites]


Will it strain the blue out of water?
posted by HuronBob at 6:03 PM on October 17, 2012 [5 favorites]


Handy if stuck in the wilderness for long periods of time.
posted by hal9k at 6:03 PM on October 17, 2012 [6 favorites]


TAMPON Survival Use #5: Wick for Improvised Candle

Works well with a brazilian wax.
posted by hal9k at 6:06 PM on October 17, 2012


Where did he find red tampons? I've been buying them for 25 years and have never seen anything but white. Colored tampons = fun!
posted by _Mona_ at 6:08 PM on October 17, 2012


And when you want to go incognito, you can wear it walking along the beach in soft focus.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 6:08 PM on October 17, 2012 [3 favorites]


Does anybody realize just how dangerous this thread is?
posted by HuronBob at 6:11 PM on October 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


Where did he find red tampons? I've been buying them for 25 years and have never seen anything but white. Colored tampons = fun!

Probably Kotex - I've seen them around in CVS and whatever, so they probably exist near you too. I'm an o.b. girl, personally, but he does make a compelling case for the usefulness of applicators and more plastic packaging.
posted by naoko at 6:18 PM on October 17, 2012


Those are some manly uses of a tampon. They're definitely not for pussies.

That said, if I were out in the wilderness with a man and a limited supply of tampons, he wouldn't be getting any of them away from me.
posted by orange swan at 6:20 PM on October 17, 2012 [4 favorites]


Help an Aussie out... do tampons in the US generally come with plastic casing and applicators? They can be found here but are not at all usual. Some of these tips seemed to rely on the other paraphernalia.
posted by Trivia Newton John at 6:22 PM on October 17, 2012


If you forget to pack a tampon, you can sometimes get one from a beaver. Beavers sometimes have them.
posted by orme at 6:27 PM on October 17, 2012 [2 favorites]


The revenge of the flaming tampon, a farce in one act.

Also, tampon-bearing purses are now honorary bug-out bags.
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:29 PM on October 17, 2012


A few years ago exceptional rain fell just before a motorcycle race. The race line dried but water was still oozing up through cracks in the pavement, which corner workers stuffed tampons into.

I tried googling this to provide citations but that is a hot mess. Definitely don't try it from work.
posted by workerant at 6:30 PM on October 17, 2012 [2 favorites]


So, when can we expect them to come in knurled titanium for $100 each?
posted by bonehead at 6:32 PM on October 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


They're also pretty good for menstruation
posted by NoraReed at 6:34 PM on October 17, 2012 [4 favorites]


ohgod I can't wait for feminine hygiene products to make their debut on Everyday Carry, previously
posted by Lou Stuells at 6:40 PM on October 17, 2012 [4 favorites]


I only knew the fire starter one, which I learned in Girl Scouts.

At my summer camp, we had a tradition of each unit bringing a flaming tiki torch to light the closing campfire. The secret to making an awesome flaming tiki torch is using sanitary pads as the top part which you burn.

I remember this clearly but wish I knew how the pads were attached in such a way that they didn't just fall off once the burning really got going. But Googling is producing absolutely no how-to on this.
posted by Miko at 6:41 PM on October 17, 2012 [3 favorites]


Strangely, having read this I feel I am now the most likely person in my social circle to buy tampons. All of my female friends are vocally devoted to the diva cup.

Perhaps the Tampon companies should engage in a strategic re-branding --

"Manpons! For all your manly bleeds!"
posted by sarastro at 6:49 PM on October 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


Sarastro, you can't do shots from a tampon.
posted by Trivia Newton John at 6:53 PM on October 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


The secret to making an awesome flaming tiki torch is using sanitary pads as the top part which you burn.

Have you tried paper towels and butter? Spread a layer of butter along 6" wide strips of paper towel, wrap the paper towel tightly around one end of a stick and light it. It burns like a charm for a half an hour or more.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 6:54 PM on October 17, 2012


maybe you're just a quitter
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 6:54 PM on October 17, 2012


Well, OB Tampons are good for this.
posted by Miko at 6:59 PM on October 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


I had no idea that when my daughter moved out to go to college that she was leaving behind survival tools. Thanks, sweetie.
posted by Mojojojo at 7:06 PM on October 17, 2012


I had a party a few years back where one of attendees was this guy from Australia who had been part of a group going for the guiness world record of most people firebreathing at the same time. As a party trick, he taught us all how to firebreathe! It was great fun, but the funniest bit was that the torch he used to light the fireballs was a tampon tied to a coathanger dipped in lamp oil.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 7:08 PM on October 17, 2012


As someone who requires tampons for their labeled usage, I can assure you intrigued survivalists out there that you will never have one when you need one.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:11 PM on October 17, 2012 [14 favorites]


seriously. You'll be out in the woods, all Bear Gryllsy and shit. And you'll need some fletching for a blow dart. You'll reach into your kit for a tampon because you are Macgyver, but !

And then you'll have to whisper to your buddy "Gunther? Can I ask you an awkward question? Um.....Do you have a... do you have a tampon?"
posted by louche mustachio at 7:21 PM on October 17, 2012 [8 favorites]


I was the manager of the wrestling team for a few years in high school. Our first aid kit was filled with tampons that had been cut into quarters. They would be popped into the nose of a wrestler in case of a nose bleed, which was a frequent occasion. At the beginning of the season I would buy a box and cut them up with a giant, dull pair of scissors.

Some wrestlers preferred the ends with strings for easy removal, but most preferred not to be reminded that they had a tampon in one of their orifices.

Tampons are handy.
posted by Alison at 8:02 PM on October 17, 2012 [2 favorites]


Miko, I imagine the sticky stuff on the pad was stuck to the tree branch.
posted by windykites at 8:28 PM on October 17, 2012


I guess that might have been all it was. Good thought.
posted by Miko at 8:30 PM on October 17, 2012


I used the string on a tampon as a wick in an improvised candle which I made from rendered animal fat and a fresh water mussel shell I found down by the creek at Willow Haven.

You know, like ya do.
posted by scratch at 8:48 PM on October 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


For the holes, motherfucker.
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:48 PM on October 17, 2012


Regarding use #1, I've read that tampons aren't necessarily sterile (and I can't find any regulations online saying that they must be.)
posted by needs more cowbell at 8:57 PM on October 17, 2012


Old-school Kotex were pretty thick, pretty fluffy, and hella sticky. Lighting them on fire basically melted the adhesive to the torch.

(Note: Contemporary pads suck out loud for tiki torches. You now need to use post-partum pads.)
posted by DarlingBri at 9:09 PM on October 17, 2012


Dude is on his way to being Vagina Products MacGyver
posted by Jon_Evil at 9:38 PM on October 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


Where did he find red tampons?

Surely you aren't going to make me say it, are you?

Anyone man enough to pack a tactical tampon is man enough to carry a pink AR15.
posted by Forktine at 9:39 PM on October 17, 2012


So REI will have these thingamabobs pretty soon for like 19.95, then?

(Yes, I know that bonehead, in essence, beat me to that joke already, but I came in to say it, so I did anyway.)
posted by Fists O'Fury at 10:35 PM on October 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


you can't do shots from a tampon

Well, not with that defeatist attitude.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:09 PM on October 17, 2012 [5 favorites]


I liked this article and thought the survival uses were interesting, but I did think the whole "LOOK GUYS I HAVE A CLEAN TAMPON APPLICATOR IN MY MOUTH HOW WEIRD" was kind of funny. I guess using tampons month after month for a couple of decades has killed their novelty for me.

Trivia Newton John: Help an Aussie out... do tampons in the US generally come with plastic casing and applicators? They can be found here but are not at all usual. Some of these tips seemed to rely on the other paraphernalia.

I know, I was thinking I wouldn't be able to do some of these things because I don't use tampons that come with an applicator.

I think tampons in North America (we seem to get the same ones here in Canada as in the US) almost always come with an applicator, either plastic or, in my youth, cardboard (do they still make those? The cardboard ones hurt, but I guess they are more environmentally friendly). The only non-applicator brand I know of here is ob. Ob fans (and I count myself as one) are rabidly loyal, to the point of freaking out when there was a shortage.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:36 PM on October 17, 2012


Thanks for the insight, hurdy gurdy girl. Just by way of contrast: I am aware of one brand of tampons with applicators in Australia. They are carried in small numbers in some shops but not most. I do not personally know anyone who uses them, never seen them in the wild (eg a friend's bathroom or bag). I might have to survey some North American ex pats....

Another one of those odd cultural schisms!
posted by Trivia Newton John at 12:12 AM on October 18, 2012


That's awesome. But what do you use the rest of the month?
posted by MuffinMan at 1:40 AM on October 18, 2012


Sanitary pads (the old-fashioned kind with the long tails) make amazing, disposable knee protectors for installing flooring. Just tie around the knees with the pad in front. Save your knees and won't mark the new floor.

OB tampons, by the way, open out fairly easily to a good field dressing. I once snagged a finger on a saw in the woods far from other humans, and was able to use one to bind the wound, secured with its own string. Worked great.
posted by kinnakeet at 5:59 AM on October 18, 2012


French usage note: this is considered a tampon - while these are merely clich├ęs.
posted by rongorongo at 6:44 AM on October 18, 2012


This content series is brought to you by Dockers. Wear the pants.

And for this tampon article, wear the white pants.
posted by Nelson at 8:34 AM on October 18, 2012


A tampon qua fire starter totally saved my ass that one time.
posted by Lutoslawski at 9:35 AM on October 18, 2012


Best user comment on that site: "Definitely thinking outside the box!"
posted by Cheezitsofcool at 10:08 AM on October 18, 2012 [1 favorite]


If only they had wings, you could use them as a portable hang glider....
posted by c13 at 11:40 AM on October 18, 2012


> Where did he find red tampons?

U by Kotex, previously

Also while another company recently brought some humor and candor to the subject, Kotex did it a couple of years ago.
posted by morganw at 11:31 PM on October 18, 2012


Lutoslawski, that is one amazing story.

Also, damn, I wish I could use tampons. I'm far too nervous (in fact, nervous enough to carry some with me all the time, ha!).
posted by undue influence at 10:59 AM on October 21, 2012


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