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When good food...goes bad
February 10, 2013 9:57 AM   Subscribe

Foodfight! is an computer-animated "movie" starring Charlie Sheen, Hillary Duff, Eva Longoria, Wayne Brady, and Christopher Loyd. Set in a supermarket that transformed into a city when the lights came off at the end of the day and inhabited by mascots for food products coming to life. After a theft of company's computers in 2003, and numerous other delays, the film would not see the light of day until 2012

In the meantime, the movie existed as if it were a whispered legend. Stories came out about the film's conception and production. The film occasionally appeared in the form of merchandise in the years leading up to it's release.

After failing to produce a film for 10 years, the studio was forced to auction FoodFight off for $2.5 million, getting picked up by a European publisher, and unceremoniously released on DVD last year. Originally, the film was estimated to have a budget of $65 million.

The film has become an underground cult hit for being incredibly terrible in every way imaginable. Stilted dialog, garish character design, incomprehensible plot, terrible shots, shoddy and low quality animation, and nearly everything that could go wrong in the film has gone wrong, in multiple ways.

The entire film is available for streaming 24/7 on livestream
posted by hellojed (277 comments total) 80 users marked this as a favorite

 
Holy. Shit. I thoug this was like, an animatiion industry tall tale, a copypasta warning about the heady early days of theatrical computer animation, I had no idea it was real.

This is like accidentally having Bigfoot wander into your wedding video and then hit on the bridesmaid.
posted by The Whelk at 10:02 AM on February 10, 2013 [11 favorites]


When Charlie Sheen and Hilary Duff are making sexy talk at each other, and Hilary Duff is talking about how it makes her happy how much Sheen loves her raisins, keep in mind that Duff was 14 when these lines were recorded.

A distressing amount of cartoon vagina closeup shots and nazi iconography for a children's cartoon about the joys of product placement, but my favorite part was when Wayne Brady offered to ejaculate chocolate in/on a passing lady.
posted by kafziel at 10:04 AM on February 10, 2013 [6 favorites]


A distressing amount of cartoon vagina closeup shots and nazi iconography for a children's cartoon about the joys of product placement, but my favorite part was when Wayne Brady offered to ejaculate chocolate in/on a passing lady.

Readers, this may sound far fetched but these things actually come to pass in the film.
posted by hellojed at 10:08 AM on February 10, 2013 [17 favorites]


This... this is the rare terrible thing that seems like it is worth watching. There's something miraculous about this existing.
posted by Rory Marinich at 10:16 AM on February 10, 2013


We should have a viewing party.
posted by The Whelk at 10:19 AM on February 10, 2013 [10 favorites]


unceremoniously released on DVD last year

Judging from the animation quality, it looks like it was released on CDROM.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 10:21 AM on February 10, 2013 [25 favorites]


"an epic fight between the worlds most beloved brands and the forces of evil"

to quote an older brother "why are you hitting yourself? stop hitting yourself"
posted by idiopath at 10:27 AM on February 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


Is this Pixar?
posted by ColdChef at 10:28 AM on February 10, 2013 [3 favorites]


Why did you put the word movie in quotations in your post? Is there something I'm missing here?
posted by item at 10:33 AM on February 10, 2013


It's more like a by product of certain processes than a proper movie.
posted by The Whelk at 10:35 AM on February 10, 2013 [5 favorites]


Why did you put the word movie in quotations in your post? Is there something I'm missing here?

For distinction. Because it is the definitive movie. A work of art, like a poem. And poems are set off by quotation marks.
posted by mazola at 10:37 AM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


Brands? I love brands!!!
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 10:51 AM on February 10, 2013 [7 favorites]


"It is a battle between the worlds most beloved brands and the forces of darkness."
posted by Our Ship Of The Imagination! at 10:54 AM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


Did advertisers actually pay to have their brand icons appear in this film? If so, this must win some kind of award for product placement saturation.
posted by Conductor71 at 10:57 AM on February 10, 2013


Aw, I was hoping for something more like this.
posted by charlie don't surf at 11:02 AM on February 10, 2013


Well, this is going to spice up our next Tentacolino viewing party. I'm sure my friends will be thrilled!
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 11:03 AM on February 10, 2013


I'm going shopping this afternoon. I will have to choose between brand name items and generic. I will be conflicted.
posted by mazola at 11:04 AM on February 10, 2013


I'm so sad we missed a golden opportunity to really explore the subtle and complex psychology of Captain Crunch and why he resonates through the ages.
posted by The Whelk at 11:07 AM on February 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


You can romanticize it all you want, but it's still a bucket of dogshit.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:09 AM on February 10, 2013


Holy crap. Go watch it. It's worse than you could possibly imagine.

Bring friends. There's a chat function.
posted by ColdChef at 11:13 AM on February 10, 2013 [7 favorites]


Ahh stupid live stream not work with stupid pad /pout.
posted by The Whelk at 11:21 AM on February 10, 2013


How could this get any further than a brainstorm? What fucking person would write a cheque to someone else for any amount of work towards this goal?
posted by odinsdream at 11:33 AM on February 10, 2013


This made me realize the thing I hate most about Charlie Sheen is his voice. I don't know how he managed to convey so much arrogance in every single word.
posted by DoubleLune at 11:35 AM on February 10, 2013 [4 favorites]


He studied his lines.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:37 AM on February 10, 2013


Seriously. Please come join us.
posted by ColdChef at 11:50 AM on February 10, 2013


Relevant
(en espanol, no se puede encontrar la versión en Inglés, Bebí demasiado pepsi)
posted by lalochezia at 11:50 AM on February 10, 2013


Warning about the livestream chat: I dropped in only for a few minutes of curiosity and ended up watching almost all of it. It's so bad you just keep watching.
posted by tksh at 11:54 AM on February 10, 2013 [5 favorites]


I'm stuck there.
posted by ColdChef at 12:08 PM on February 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


It is glorious.
posted by Dr. Zira at 12:10 PM on February 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is probably the movie that was the subject of Infinite Jest
posted by hellojed at 12:10 PM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


The secret's inside!
posted by mazola at 12:16 PM on February 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


So many references to chocolate. So, so many.

And Brand Ex. Because nothing is more evil than no name products.
posted by Yowser at 12:18 PM on February 10, 2013


I'm on my second viewing.
posted by ColdChef at 12:23 PM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


NOBODY PUTS POLAR IN THE FREEZER!
posted by Yowser at 12:23 PM on February 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


A distressing amount of cartoon vagina closeup shots and nazi iconography for a children's cartoon about the joys of product placement, but my favorite part was when Wayne Brady offered to ejaculate chocolate in/on a passing lady.

holy shit.

I wish I could view this on my iPad. Why do so many video content owners refuse to stream to mobile devices? I guess if all they got is a Flash player that would do it, but I've seen YouTube do this and indicate the uploader specifically disabled mobile views. Bizarre.
posted by cj_ at 12:37 PM on February 10, 2013


This is the No Exit of film.
posted by Yowser at 12:41 PM on February 10, 2013


You guys. Seriously. What the fuck.
posted by Jofus at 12:41 PM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


It's starting over right now....
posted by Dr. Zira at 12:44 PM on February 10, 2013


When this came up a couple months ago on a forum some people watched it and reported back. It was on youtube in full then, and I tried to give it a shot. The generic brand Nazis are literally trying to round up and eliminate the name brands we know and love, referring to them as "ikes". This is not something that's so bad it's good, it is simply reprehensible and I encourage everyone here to simply give it a pass and not attempt to watch it ironically. I love bad films, but in this case there are so many great movies you haven't seen and great books you haven't read. Use those 90 minutes if not to better yourself than at least don't actively worsen yourself. It may seem funny, but Foodfight! takes something you won't get back.
posted by edeezy at 12:44 PM on February 10, 2013 [5 favorites]


Wow, that... that livestream is.... awesome.
posted by odinsdream at 12:49 PM on February 10, 2013


If I had a raisin for every time I've heard that one...
posted by Dr. Zira at 12:50 PM on February 10, 2013


okay guys I'm going in
posted by The Whelk at 1:09 PM on February 10, 2013 [3 favorites]


I can only see stills but damn it looks like ...Reboot.

reboot ...fan animation.....
posted by The Whelk at 1:26 PM on February 10, 2013


Oh, jesus - Larry Miller is the weird gay bat. :( I knew this movie was a bizarre piece of shit, but... :(
posted by Guy Smiley at 1:35 PM on February 10, 2013


...and (lucky me) on the livestream I just managed to encounter what I'd already heard was the most reprehensible part of the movie -- a shitty copy of Casablanca's "La Marseillaise" scene, only with grocery brands as the heroes vs. generic products as the Nazis. W.T.F.
posted by Guy Smiley at 1:42 PM on February 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is not something that's so bad it's good, it is simply reprehensible and I encourage everyone here to simply give it a pass and not attempt to watch it ironically.

This might actually be reprehensible, but there's lots more movies out there that are even worse, including some things even MST3K wouldn't touch.
posted by JHarris at 1:46 PM on February 10, 2013


You know what's really bad:

The credits end with an "IN LOVING MEMORY OF ____ _____"
posted by odinsdream at 1:55 PM on February 10, 2013 [3 favorites]


Harvey Fierstein has a cameo at the beginning of the movie. I won't tell you his exit line, but I bet you could guess it.
posted by ColdChef at 1:58 PM on February 10, 2013


Is he Mr. clean?

Please tell me he is Mr. clean.
posted by The Whelk at 1:59 PM on February 10, 2013


I've read about this but I haven't watched it yet. Wasn't there a good webcomic with a similar premise?
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 2:09 PM on February 10, 2013


This movie is what it sounds like when doves cry.
posted by Dr. Zira at 2:10 PM on February 10, 2013 [4 favorites]


FILM STARTS OVER IN FOUR MINUTES!
posted by ColdChef at 2:10 PM on February 10, 2013


Someone please rescue ColdChef
posted by hellojed at 2:11 PM on February 10, 2013 [9 favorites]


Larry Miller plays a gay bat. Not a "gayish" or "feminine" bat. A gay bat that makes gay double entendres. Constantly.
posted by ColdChef at 2:12 PM on February 10, 2013 [3 favorites]


Fuck it. I'm gonna watch it again.
posted by ColdChef at 2:13 PM on February 10, 2013 [5 favorites]


ColdChef is in the very speical hell.
posted by The Whelk at 2:16 PM on February 10, 2013 [6 favorites]


The Entertainment has him. Someone remove the Cartridge!
posted by Dr. Zira at 2:19 PM on February 10, 2013 [3 favorites]


STARTING!
posted by ColdChef at 2:19 PM on February 10, 2013


THE WIRE HUNGERS
posted by The Whelk at 2:20 PM on February 10, 2013


Guy guys guys, seriously, join the Livestream. You will not* regret it.

for varying levels of 'not'
posted by adrianhon at 2:21 PM on February 10, 2013 [3 favorites]


Are you still in there ColdChef? How many times have you watched it now?

And is it true that you noticed how much more terrible the movie is with each viewing?
posted by tksh at 2:21 PM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


Join us in chat! I have already sent diet coke thru my nostrils twice, and that was just during the opening. I am hoping Diet Coke is not an animated character in this mess.
posted by mochapickle at 2:22 PM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


Argh, I gotta go deliver pizza! I always miss out on fun things.
posted by JHarris at 2:22 PM on February 10, 2013


And is it true that you noticed how much more terrible the movie is with each viewing?

The plot holes expand to fill all space and time.
posted by ColdChef at 2:24 PM on February 10, 2013 [3 favorites]


Someone please send help; the movie won't let us leave.
posted by Sibrax at 2:25 PM on February 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


I can't watch this at work, but Christopher Lloyd moves like a nightmare and the Charlie Sheen dog looks like Sam or Max.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 2:31 PM on February 10, 2013


I think I've managed to get out but I can't tell yet.
posted by Captain Najork at 2:33 PM on February 10, 2013


Ha: "The whole movie is the worst part of the movie."
posted by mochapickle at 2:42 PM on February 10, 2013 [11 favorites]


It's the anti-Logorama.
posted by donpardo at 2:46 PM on February 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


It may be not just the worst movie but the worst possible movie combining horrible execution in service to a morally repugnant, ethnically void ideals. Like Manos before it we can say -Everything in this movie, from its casting to lighting to sound to ideals and structure is wrong, fundamentally wrong.
posted by The Whelk at 2:47 PM on February 10, 2013 [3 favorites]


I did wonder if Logorama came from the rumors surrounding this extruded cinematic product,
posted by The Whelk at 2:48 PM on February 10, 2013


....What the HELL am I watching?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:13 PM on February 10, 2013 [3 favorites]


Pixels and goo, Empress. Pixels and goo.
posted by mochapickle at 3:15 PM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


Gonads and strife
posted by The Whelk at 3:17 PM on February 10, 2013 [5 favorites]


A brief excerpt from the Livestream chat:
dogtective: Food is WMD, ikes are people.
NotPyry: they wouldn't be so insensitive as to use the horrors of ww1 for a cheap joke
ColdChef: Here it comes
core10kkk: god damn it i hate having roommates
Arrrgyle: Pressurized canister, fires from the wrong end.
ColdChef: COOCH JETS!
Richard: YES YES YES COOCH PLANES!!!!
Chichibio: COOCHJETS!!!!!!
foo: hahahaha
ColdChef: COOCH JETS!
badgermushroomsnake: cooch jets!
ColdChef: COOCH JETS!
adrianhon: BEHOLD
Jofus: NO
mocha p: NOOOOOOO
idiopath: the horrors of wwII on the other hand
skitunge: um
Arrrgyle: It wasn't a lie.
foo: this is horrible
FlutterShy69: what the *** was that
Kevin: IT WAS WORTH IT!!!
core10kkk: omg here come the warm jets
foo: what the ***
dogtective: Where did all those people come from?
Chichibio: Gaybat was im
posted by adrianhon at 3:19 PM on February 10, 2013 [4 favorites]


Hellojed, for posting this, and Coldchef for getting us all to watch -

I'm going to kill you.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:21 PM on February 10, 2013 [12 favorites]


I regret nothing
posted by hellojed at 3:25 PM on February 10, 2013 [6 favorites]


HERE COME THE COOCHJETS
posted by Chichibio at 3:29 PM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


I have now watched this for the last hour... I can't stop.
posted by Pendragon at 3:29 PM on February 10, 2013


Starts again in five minutes.
posted by ColdChef at 3:41 PM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


You guys, I have charged ColdChef with writing a plot summary of the movie for the Wikipedia article. It falls to all of you to make him do it, once he's done watching for the fifth time. For the good of the universe!
posted by badgermushroomSNAKE at 3:41 PM on February 10, 2013 [4 favorites]


This movie is the worst thing in the history of things. I need to go cry now.
posted by Guy Smiley at 3:41 PM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


Come for the racism, stay for the gaybat and coochjets!
posted by ColdChef at 3:45 PM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


STARTING AGAIN OMG.
posted by ColdChef at 3:50 PM on February 10, 2013


NO I'm trapped!!!
posted by Pendragon at 3:51 PM on February 10, 2013


HELP ME CAN'T GET OUT NO NO NO MUST LEAVE OH GOD
posted by badgermushroomSNAKE at 3:55 PM on February 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


livestream viewing of a movie with other mefites is surprisingly awesome. We need to do this with other movies, good and bad.
posted by tksh at 4:05 PM on February 10, 2013 [4 favorites]


It's such a brilliant terrible combination of shitty computer graphics, horrible racist/sexist/poopist writing that has no place in films for adults much less kids, and a heaping dose of absolute what-the-fuckery, it is honestly difficult to stop watching this mess. The hilarious livechat really helps dull the pain, though.

TEAM GAYBAT 4EVA
posted by Chichibio at 4:06 PM on February 10, 2013 [4 favorites]


I am so sad i am missing this, I love impromptu riffing and terrible movies. Alas my laptop hard drive chose this day to die and iPad is all I have. :(
posted by cj_ at 4:07 PM on February 10, 2013


Without the livechat, I'd never have made it through the first viewing.
posted by ColdChef at 4:27 PM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


I just left the livestream. I'm kind of glad and, at the same time, wholly regret watching it. Twice.

Came for the movie, stayed for the chat.

Now I am waiting to cleanse my pallet with some Walking Dead.
posted by littlesq at 4:34 PM on February 10, 2013


Oh boy, I was good friends with a producer on Food Fight. He was Larry Kasonoff's right hand man at Threshold and worked on their Mortal Kombat films. I remember going to their offices back in the late 90s and being shown a lot of the early character sketches and being completely underwhelmed but also thinking that it's just going to be another kids show like so many before it so who cares if it bombs. I had no idea how much money was going into it or the scope of it all. My friend at Threshold was dating another friend of mine, who was close girlfriends with Denise Richards, the future ex-Mrs. Sheen. I think that connection was how he got involved in the project.

Denise Richards is not a nice person and on one occasion was very very mean to me.
posted by cazoo at 4:37 PM on February 10, 2013 [11 favorites]


That livestream is proof that MeFites can make anything better. Let's watch something else together...but not that movie. Sigh. Now I live in a world where Nazi coochjets are a thing. The horror..the horror...
posted by Misty_Knightmare at 4:39 PM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


I had to leave the chat after one full rotation. It's worse than you think, and way sexier than you can imagine.Mostly because of Gaybat, and Wayne Brady's oral sex references.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 5:01 PM on February 10, 2013


Starting again in five minutes.
posted by ColdChef at 5:13 PM on February 10, 2013


Coldchef, exactly how many times have you watched that thing?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:15 PM on February 10, 2013 [3 favorites]


There is no more ColdChef, just light and pixels.
posted by Dr. Zira at 5:16 PM on February 10, 2013 [7 favorites]


oh man I hope this is still going on when I get off work in seven hours
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 5:16 PM on February 10, 2013


I'm out after one, but only because it's like 1 AM here. Good thing I'd been drinking. Without the buffer of alcohol, the lazy-ass "into the breach" Shakespeare reference might have caused a ragesplosion in my head.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 5:17 PM on February 10, 2013


All the way through four times, I think. It's all kind of a blur.
posted by ColdChef at 5:18 PM on February 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


ColdChef, I would not have stayed to watch the whole thing without your expert commentary in the chat, prompting me to stick around for the GayBat and the CrotchJets. So you have that to answer for.

Also, I hope that hating Charlie Sheen isn't fattening, because I just had way more of that than anyone should.

And now I've got to stick around to see the beginning, having come in late to the last showing. I assume we're doing the Oogieloves next week?
posted by benito.strauss at 5:21 PM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


I made it through 1.5 times. I love you all.
posted by mochapickle at 5:24 PM on February 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


Coldchef is more gaybat than man now
posted by The Whelk at 5:27 PM on February 10, 2013 [14 favorites]


The only thing that can save him now is a flight of cooch jets.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 5:28 PM on February 10, 2013 [3 favorites]


Or the love of a 14 year old cat-girl who wants to bang a dog.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 5:31 PM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


Save her ice cream!
posted by Dr. Zira at 5:32 PM on February 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


I was disappointed that they weren't literally cooch jets, just jets appearing in the background with a crotch and leg prominently in the foreground.
posted by ymgve at 5:32 PM on February 10, 2013


I am in this livestream. What have you people done to me?
posted by zippy at 5:32 PM on February 10, 2013


The disease is already inside of you
posted by The Whelk at 5:42 PM on February 10, 2013 [5 favorites]


I just watched about 10 minutes of this, and now my brain feels like I've been huffing some sort of industrial solvent. And not in a good way.
posted by Nat "King" Cole Porter Wagoner at 5:45 PM on February 10, 2013


I was disappointed that they weren't literally cooch jets, just jets appearing in the background with a crotch and leg prominently in the foreground.

Sir, you could not be more wrong. Watch the replay. They issue forth from her womb. She births an army.
posted by ColdChef at 5:50 PM on February 10, 2013 [5 favorites]


So is there anywhere that I can actually buy this on DVD? Begs for a heckle-the-movie night with friends; our last one was Rock n' Roll Nightmare.
posted by mrbill at 5:55 PM on February 10, 2013


There's also a good Food Fight. Cheat sheet.
posted by Evilspork at 6:15 PM on February 10, 2013


> The credits end with an "IN LOVING MEMORY OF ____ _____"

"The film is dedicated to his memory."
posted by The Card Cheat at 6:45 PM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


Movie's about to start over again for anyone who's interested.
posted by malthas at 6:52 PM on February 10, 2013


IT JUST KEEPS HAPPENING
posted by The Whelk at 6:55 PM on February 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is like Groundhog Day without the variety.
posted by Yowser at 7:00 PM on February 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


Oh god The Whelk, GET OUT NOW. If you let it re-start, you're doomed! If you get to the tango scene, you're WHOLLY doomed. I speak from experience, man!!
posted by badgermushroomSNAKE at 7:01 PM on February 10, 2013


I have the plot committed to memory and I've already completed a mental re-write.
posted by ColdChef at 7:25 PM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


ColdChef, is this a cry for help? Do we need to send someone round to your place with two hours of Goddard to help you come down?
posted by benito.strauss at 7:36 PM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


I might get a friend to show this at new film night, or maybe leave it looping on in the background.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 7:52 PM on February 10, 2013


I can't even begin to describe it in words. It's really the worst thing ever, but I just couldn't stop laughing.
posted by MythMaker at 7:55 PM on February 10, 2013


Really, apart from the delicious commentary, the best thing about it is the looping aspect on the LiveStream -- it jumps from the pops of the end credits (with seven? different endings) straight to the beginning again. You just don't have time to consider doing anything else. It's quicksand.
posted by mochapickle at 8:15 PM on February 10, 2013


It's like Finnegan's Wake.
posted by mazola at 8:25 PM on February 10, 2013


The film grows ever larger in my imagination as I read this thread. Another four hours before I can watch it. I'm counting them down.
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 8:26 PM on February 10, 2013


I'm now convinced that I would both attend and thoroughly enjoy a regular mefi chatroom synchronized bad-movie watching meetup.

I'm also convinced that on my death bed, I'll look back on those 87 minutes and resent the lost opportunities.
posted by eotvos at 8:31 PM on February 10, 2013 [6 favorites]


This movie is so wrong.

I watched it two and a half times.
posted by zippy at 8:37 PM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm now convinced that I would both attend and thoroughly enjoy a regular mefi chatroom synchronized bad-movie watching meetup.

I'm also convinced that on my death bed, I'll look back on those 87 minutes and resent the lost opportunities.


We're watching Death Bed: The Bed That Eats?
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 8:38 PM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


$65 million, plus they supposedly got lots of product placement money (even IBM)!
But all the film's files were supposedly stolen by industrial spies and they had to start over.

It is so bad, you have to wonder if this is like The Producers, where they intended the movie to flop so they get away with pocketing all the cash.
posted by eye of newt at 8:49 PM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


We're watching Death Bed: The Bed That Eats?

I have that on DVD around here, somewhere.

There are a few best parts. The second best part is when the bed drinks some pepto bismol. The best best part is skeleton hands.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 8:52 PM on February 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


I liked the part where they spent $65 million on this.
posted by mazola at 9:11 PM on February 10, 2013 [3 favorites]


Today, I witnessed Gaybat as played by Larry Miller. Chris Hansen's favorite leading lady, Sunshine. This overtly racist, homophobic, misogynist kid's film whose sole moral compass is to promote name brand products over inferior Brand-X knock-offs. It's a gleeful trainwreck at every moment. Shoddy animation that dazzles, IBM! To say this movie has innuendo, is to say that Lance Armstrong has troubles. The best good bad movie since The Room. Only, for kids.
posted by chainlinkspiral at 9:18 PM on February 10, 2013 [2 favorites]


I could swear that that dancing cut-out made of 0's and 1's was part of an actual IBM advertising campaign. Anyone else remember it too?

And can anyone clear up the use of Livestream? Livestream doesn't work like YouTube with upload once, play multiple times, does it? Does this mean that there's someone out there playing it continuously on their own computer, and directing that stream to Livestream, which multiplexes it out to all of us? 'Cause I can't decide if that person is pure evil or is the greatest American hero.
posted by benito.strauss at 9:38 PM on February 10, 2013 [1 favorite]


You mean terrible pirate who is costing some company literally tens of dollars in revenue.
posted by Pyry at 9:46 PM on February 10, 2013 [4 favorites]


Aww, the channel disconnected, at around 3:15 am Eastern.
posted by JHarris at 12:15 AM on February 11, 2013


Disconnected? How then will I complain about how it's regionlocked for US viewers only?

I can see Jharris2, so I guess that's something.
But it's choking my computer.
posted by Mezentian at 1:03 AM on February 11, 2013


nooooooooooooooooooooo
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 2:22 AM on February 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


Oh, it's actually running again. and about to start over I guess.

nooooooooooooooooooooo
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 2:24 AM on February 11, 2013 [3 favorites]


That place is a vortex, there should be some kind of warning
posted by Red Loop at 3:01 AM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


That was every bit as awful as I thought it would be. And also every bit as awful as I could never have imagined.
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 4:17 AM on February 11, 2013


The chat makes it survivable. If you're going to watch it, watch it while the mefites are there to guide you, like Virgil through the circles.

For heaven's sake, don't fullscreen it.
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 4:19 AM on February 11, 2013 [3 favorites]


I just made it through about four cycles of it myself. Wow..
posted by JHarris at 4:21 AM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


And set an appointment after the movie ends. Otherwise you might not escape.
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 4:22 AM on February 11, 2013


I hate to prolong the misery, but... Let's Wach : Food Fight
posted by Yowser at 4:22 AM on February 11, 2013


It's 90 minute Holocaust joke.
posted by Pope Guilty at 4:35 AM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Uggh, this Let's Watch is Not Funny.
posted by mochapickle at 5:11 AM on February 11, 2013


don't fullscreen it.

That sounds like wisdom for the ages.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:51 AM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Apparently there was an animation switch halfway through development - the original had much better CGI, but when their bill wasn't paid they held the film at ransom until a different company was contracted to pirate the reel and remake it scene-by-scene. An ABC film, really
posted by MangyCarface at 7:47 AM on February 11, 2013


Spoiler alert.




One of the main characters is revealed at the very end of the movie to be Jewish. Earlier, the Leni Riefenstalish Nazi stand-ins tried to roast this character to death in an oven.




Really.
posted by zippy at 9:09 AM on February 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


don't fullscreen it.

For an "optimal" experience, you can pop out the video and chat windows separately, and then embiggen the video so as to see all the exploding pie goo glory.
posted by zippy at 10:24 AM on February 11, 2013


It's not an oven, it's a dryer which inexplicably has flames.
posted by RobotHero at 11:03 AM on February 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


when their bill wasn't paid they held the film at ransom until a different company was contracted to pirate the reel and remake it scene-by-scene.

Okay, say you're the second company? You make them pay up-front, right?
posted by RobotHero at 11:07 AM on February 11, 2013


it's a dryer which inexplicably has flames.

There was background noise at my house, so I couldn't hear a lot of the dialogue. Did they mention why there was a dryer in a grocery store?
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 11:25 AM on February 11, 2013


Did they mention why there was a dryer in a grocery store?

Oh, my Lord, no.
posted by RobotHero at 11:29 AM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


It's not an oven, it's a dryer which inexplicably has flames

Until the sock, I thought it was a coffee roaster, because don't all groceries roast their own beans? #westcoastlifestyle
posted by zippy at 11:37 AM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Based on the Eva Longoria character, I'm going to call this movie "Ilsa, She Wolf of the Produce Aisle".
posted by benito.strauss at 11:39 AM on February 11, 2013 [4 favorites]


"Triumph of the Shill"
posted by zippy at 11:47 AM on February 11, 2013 [5 favorites]


Guys, I can't believe I found this, but -

Previously. Some talk of "Foodfight" apparently came up in the midst of the "Oogieloves" discussion.


And: suppose I owned a DVD of a film I thought could do with a Livestream/chat treatment. What are the legal/technical hurdles I'd need to overcome?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:48 AM on February 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


I've sat through, and often enjoyed, far more than my fair share of the worst movies ever made, but this...I had to turn off.
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:17 PM on February 11, 2013


I made it about one and a half times. Pretty entertaining crap, thanks to the chat.

Here's the thing, though. It has some ok ideas! "Everything cool happens while you are asleep" is a common story element for kids, and done well, it's great. Sure would make more sense if that supermarket looked like a supermarket at all in the evening.

Also, SPOILERS, I really think that a Prune icon getting jealous of a Raisin icon is not that bad of a basis for the story. Everyone likes raisins. No one likes prunes.

And it makes sense for Cinnamon Hound to fall for the Raisin girl, because dammit, cinnamon raisin is an excellent flavor combination.
posted by graventy at 1:18 PM on February 11, 2013


And it makes sense for Cinnamon Hound to fall for the Raisin girl, because dammit, cinnamon raisin is an excellent flavor combination.

But when the cinnamon is 40 and the raisin is 14, it's really, really squicky.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:38 PM on February 11, 2013 [3 favorites]


It's not a bad movie. It just wants to be loved.
posted by mazola at 1:48 PM on February 11, 2013


There was background noise at my house, so I couldn't hear a lot of the dialogue. Did they mention why there was a dryer in a grocery store?

After four viewings I began to piece it together:

Inside the packaging on the shelves is a pocket universe that the "Ikes" live in. This is only really made clear once though: when the dog rides the grape soda bottle through a package of the penguin's product, whatever that was. The penguin is living and sledding in an arctic environment.

I'm not *entirely* sure, but I think the dryer might be in evil Nazi girl's world. It's hinted at earlier that she's a detergent mascot. ("Arr, there be somethin' dir-ty in this detergent.") So, her packaging world would have a giant dryer in it.

That doesn't explain the grate, which is human-sized and thus part of the actual grocery store, that the heroes look through to see her giant X headquarters, though.

When you've seen the movie several times, you begin to think there may have been good, really imaginative ideas originally that were absolutely ruined by extreme product placement, poor design choices and production. Gaybat, or "Vlad Chocul," for instance, isn't a mincing, limp-wristed characterization, but has probably the best voice acting in the movie. There are sometimes interesting background gags like the "12 Hungry Men" posted in Dex's "Dogtective" office, and his windows are shaped like huge keyholes. When Nazi Lady breaks her fishtank, the now beached fish can be seen escaping from the room in little rowboats -- it's a shame that the water in the bowl basically vanished the moment the tank was broken.

As was mentioned several times in the chat yesterday, the fluid effects are very bad. Liquids, and anything even slightly like them, tend to fall to the ground in a gloopy spray resembling paint. My comment last night was "It looks like someone discovered the Metaball button in Blender!" Metaballs are this technique where a substance is simulated as blobs around a set number of points; if you move the point, you move the blob. When blobs get near each other they join together in a goopy way. Most of the fluids in the movie are simulated using metaballs.

Gawking at the badness (and the Cooch Rockets), it's easy to overlook what Dex's plan at the end of the film actually turns out being, which I only figured out after a while:
1. Get the USDA to erect tinfoil sculptures atop all the various buildings in the "city." This is obscured a bit because the "folding" is the subject of the single worst special effect in the movie, basically a fight cloud with a character's hands stuck in it, with a badly textured model at the end of it, accompanied by heroic montage music. (The models all look like something that came out of an N64, tiny texture buffer and blurriness and all.)
2. Get the Weasel to knock down a telephone booth. Inside the grocery store, yes, but it's been established that the inside of the store is like an alternate world when it's closed.
3. This somehow causes a lightning storm. Again, inside the store.
4. The buildings with the aluminum lightning rods are all protected from the lightning, which bounces off of them harmlessly. The fact that lightning rods don't work that way at all, or why the bouncing lightning doesn't cause as much damage as the original strike, are glanced over.
5. The Brand X building doesn't have the lightning rod, so its top floor is torn off by lightning. No, lightning doesn't work like that either. The side of the building ripped up off its top is a bizarre image, but maybe they're referencing the physical substrate for all this ethereal matter, and the top of the building is really the top of a box of detergent. This is giving the movie far more credit than it's worth, though.
6. Somehow, the store doesn't burn down.

That's the thing about the movie. When you dive beneath the surface layer of such, you find much deeper layers of suck beneath it. This piles up several times. At the bottom there are interesting ideas, but they're almost entirely obscured. Some examples:

When an "Ike" dies, its product immediately spoils. This implies that the mascot is a kind of guardian spirit of its product. I picture this as being like Shintoism. It brings up weird ideas concerning the magical nature of advertising, though. (Late in the movie a formula is discovered that can revive the deal Ikes. Does this mean the product unspoils? If not, then without a product, where does the Ike live? Is it a symboitic relationship? And when the Q*Bert game in "Wreck-It Ralph" was turned off and moved while its characters were in Game Central Station, when it was turned back on again was it broken? Questions, questions!)

Plenty of Ikes are seen that are distasteful to look at, leaving us to wonder what possible product they could be promoting. The Brand X crew is the worst of these (such as green pockmarked masochist general, and his horde of identical soldiers, each presumably the mascot of a different product). But the chip captain in the bar in the first part of the film who is then forgotten about, and the French cheese guy, or the nose doctor.

The nose doctor's lab is a particularly odd scene. The doctor himself is a giant nose. (My joke, oft-repeated, was that he's a human version of Woodstock.) He has a big nose-shaped piece of lab-equipment, wearing video screen glasses that, for some reason look like chalkboards (but are out of the nose doctor's short reach). The wallpaper of his lab also follows the "nose" theme. Say what you want about his neurotic, Woody Allen-like personality and manerisms, but this is an Ike completely at home with the essential concept of noseness.

The movie's notion of computer use is unique. A blue compu-fairy (named "Blue," natch) pirouettes around in front of a glass screen displaying a huge IBM logo. You tell it to send an email. It does an impromptu interpretive dance based on the essential nature of email while saying "Email sending." One person in the chat said: my AMD computer doesn't do this. Another: this is what Windows 9 will be like.

Closing notes: I could go on. The film is an endless fount of hilarious flaws. It's really amazing.
posted by JHarris at 2:26 PM on February 11, 2013 [17 favorites]


All y'all are CRAZY.
posted by Burhanistan at 2:28 PM on February 11, 2013


Argh, I should have said: "Between Dex sabotaging the 'deservative' tanks and him being captured by the evil Brand Xers and taken to where they're holding Sunshine, it's about three seconds. There's a gigantic time skip in there, probably due to unproduced or deleted animation."
posted by JHarris at 2:39 PM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


I think we've discovered an SCP memetic weapon, someone restrain JHarris while I administer the amnesiac.
posted by The Whelk at 2:41 PM on February 11, 2013 [7 favorites]


It's possible for a two-liter grape soda bottle both to fly through the air in a high arc from the force of escaping carbonation when it is opened, and for it to whizz between a grown man's legs completely unnoticed.

Was it my imagination, or was someone already flying around on that thing before it was even opened?

the nose doctor

I forgot to mention this in the chat, but wasn't there a decongestant or antihistamine or something, that had ads where people walked around with giant noses for heads until $PRODUCT cured them? That's what the nose doctor reminded me of.
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 2:43 PM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]



2. Get the Weasel to knock down a telephone booth. Inside the grocery store, yes, but it's been established that the inside of the store is like an alternate world when it's closed.
3. This somehow causes a lightning storm. Again, inside the store.


OOOH!!
posted by Yowser at 2:47 PM on February 11, 2013


I just found the following:

”The movie looks wonderful,” said Mark Mills, president of Motion Picture Magic, a product placement company in Encino, Calif. “Threshold will be considered to be the new and upcoming Pixar.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
posted by Pendragon at 2:52 PM on February 11, 2013 [3 favorites]


That whole NY Times article is hilarious:

The film includes 130 speaking roles and 340 locations. In crowd scenes, as many as 15,000 extras are portrayed. The processing power available to Threshold means that every moving figure in the movie can be animated independently.
posted by Pendragon at 2:56 PM on February 11, 2013


And: suppose I owned a DVD of a film I thought could do with a Livestream/chat treatment. What are the legal/technical hurdles I'd need to overcome?

I second this question. I could fill weeks from my MST collection alone.
posted by JHarris at 2:58 PM on February 11, 2013


One last quote from the article:

"The 'Foodfight!' graphics are absolutely amazing, comparable to Pixar's," she said. "It's even more real life.''
posted by Pendragon at 3:00 PM on February 11, 2013


Hmm, on the official Threshold Animation Studios website they have a trailer that looks different in some places. Could be the higher resolution...
posted by Pendragon at 3:16 PM on February 11, 2013


Wow, that trailer is so, so not what I watched five times.
posted by mochapickle at 3:23 PM on February 11, 2013 [3 favorites]


Ok, I have to admit I watched it more than a few times in live stream, and I think the general unfinished-ness of the film contributed that, because every time through I would find more and more loose threads and fascinating rough edges. I think the animated nature is important too: unlike a live-action film, in an animated movie every single element was explicitly created and placed by a human being. So while you can dismiss oddities in a live-action work as being just quirks of the set or location, or as true accidents, the oddities in an animated film have to be viewed in the light of all being conscious decisions. Like strangely-deformed muscle guy in the background of different scenes: you can't wave him away by saying "oh, that's just what that extra happened to look like", no, some modeler sat down and made that background character. It invests everything in the movie with a strange and horrible significance, like there is some underlying meaning that you could tease apart with just a few more viewings.
posted by Pyry at 3:26 PM on February 11, 2013 [6 favorites]


The film includes 130 speaking roles and 340 locations. In crowd scenes, as many as 15,000 extras are portrayed. The processing power available to Threshold means that every moving figure in the movie can be animated independently.

But they don't use that! The best part about the crowd scene outside the Copa Banana is finding identical characters, clumped together, doing the same motions at the same time. And because you can't pause the stream like you can a DVD, you there's this delicious anticipation: Will you find more matches? Will you see a different animation besides the two they show (drunken jumping jack, drunken hailing-a-cab)? What truths will reveal themselves?
posted by mochapickle at 3:28 PM on February 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


Interesting to see how much better the trailer's images are. I guess it's obvious that Livestream isn't going to deliver the same resolution as a locally played DVD.

But it mostly just reminded me of how much I hated that gesture where Dex Dogtective pointed at people, including pointing right at the viewer. I expected it to be followed by "Guess who has two paws and just saved the store? This guy!".
posted by benito.strauss at 3:33 PM on February 11, 2013


Threshold's website has a section called "IBM." That is all.
posted by Yowser at 3:34 PM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm not *entirely* sure, but I think the dryer might be in evil Nazi girl's world. It's hinted at earlier that she's a detergent mascot. ("Arr, there be somethin' dir-ty in this detergent.")

No - the big reveal that the vogueing IBM mascot gives them, and which evil Nazi girl confirms, is that she's actually a prune mascot who got jealous as hell of the raisin mascot and kidnapped her and started harvesting her essence, and then she got a bunch of plastic surgery in brazil and has come to take over the branding world.

So, it's like "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane" meets "The Dark Crystal."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:35 PM on February 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


In the high-res trailer, one of the billboard in "The City Comes Alive" sequence says "Citizen Sugar Kane."
posted by zippy at 3:37 PM on February 11, 2013 [3 favorites]


So Gruntilda (not her actual name) was a prune mascot, but it's not really clear what Lady X is a mascot for. I assumed Lady X was some kind of general mascot for the whole Brand X brand, but the detergent comments and all the washing themed innuendo do seem to suggest that she's some kind of cleaning product mascot.
posted by Pyry at 3:38 PM on February 11, 2013


The trailer has better animation, so that must have been footage that pre-dated the "stolen/hostaged files" incident. It also prominently features Chester Cheetah, who I never noticed in the final movie. Did Cheetos pay to have him removed?
posted by RobotHero at 3:39 PM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


The earlier Dex looked really terrible, though.
posted by Pyry at 3:40 PM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


So Gruntilda (not her actual name) was a prune mascot, but it's not really clear what Lady X is a mascot for. I assumed Lady X was some kind of general mascot for the whole Brand X brand, but the detergent comments and all the washing themed innuendo do seem to suggest that she's some kind of cleaning product mascot.

Lady X represents a new detergent. They mention this in passing when they introduce her character, I think in Copa Banana. We might have to watch it again to be sure.
posted by mochapickle at 3:44 PM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


So Gruntilda (not her actual name) was a prune mascot, but it's not really clear what Lady X is a mascot for. I assumed Lady X was some kind of general mascot for the whole Brand X brand, but the detergent comments and all the washing themed innuendo do seem to suggest that she's some kind of cleaning product mascot.

Wait, who is "Lady X"? Are you talking about the chick with the two meatballs for hair? The one who burped and blamed it on the koala?

....Jeez, what does it say that there was actually a REASON for me to type that precise combination of words?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:44 PM on February 11, 2013 [4 favorites]


When an "Ike" dies, its product immediately spoils. This implies that the mascot is a kind of guardian spirit of its product. I picture this as being like Shintoism

Foodfight! is the movie you'd get if Hiyao Miyazaki was a minor character in Vonnegut's Harrison Bergeron.
posted by zippy at 3:45 PM on February 11, 2013 [3 favorites]


Lady X is Eva Longoria. And really, Eva Longoria IS Lady X.
posted by mochapickle at 3:46 PM on February 11, 2013


But it mostly just reminded me of how much I hated that gesture where Dex Dogtective pointed at people, including pointing right at the viewer.

Part of this has to do with like how half the shots of characters talking are POV shots from another character, done specifically so they don't have to render two characters at once. The animators seem to have problems when two characters have to have prolonged contact with each other, as you can see for yourself in the scene where Dex has a chokehold (groan) on penisweasel for several seconds.

(This is also true of video games; how many games have a character, when they pick up an object on the ground, just move their hand into its vicinity and then it disappears?)

As I said -- I could easily go on about this movie. It's bottomless.
posted by JHarris at 3:50 PM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Lady X is Eva Longoria. And really, Eva Longoria IS Lady X.

Ah, okay. So she's still the former prune lady/current embodiment of Brand X. I don't think she was ever meant to represent a detergent as such, is the point.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:50 PM on February 11, 2013


Although, now I really wanna know who the belching meatball hair lady WAS supposed to be representing.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:50 PM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Brand X represents many products -- the detergent Lady X represents it just one product under the brand, which also includes ketchup, whipped cream, etc.
posted by mochapickle at 3:55 PM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


We might have to watch it again to be sure.
posted by mochapickle


Stop that!
posted by RobotHero at 4:02 PM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


It is about to start again soon....
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:05 PM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


And it never ends...
posted by Pendragon at 4:30 PM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Guys I'm watching it again.
posted by ColdChef at 4:36 PM on February 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


Zalgo Calgon, take me away!
posted by zippy at 4:38 PM on February 11, 2013


...Cover me, I'm going in.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:43 PM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Did we ever figure out why Dan is taking a bath in his cockpit before the last loop da loop? The best we could figure out was some sort of grim pre-kamikaze cleansing ritual.
posted by Dr. Zira at 4:50 PM on February 11, 2013 [3 favorites]


He's scared and is trying to calm himself down.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:50 PM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


He's a terrible pilot who somehow can do an intricate smoke painting at the start of the film.
posted by ColdChef at 4:57 PM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Argh, I said "get the Weasel to knock down a telephone booth" when I should have said "telephone pole." I was writing the above comment quickly and was kind of in a hurry to go do other things than dwell on Foodfight after seeing it four times the night before.

Even now, I can feel it trying to suck me back in. Fortunately I forgot my laptop at home today.
posted by JHarris at 5:02 PM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Down the rabbit hole I go. How bad could it possibly be a third time around? Right? RIGHT?
posted by badgermushroomSNAKE at 5:04 PM on February 11, 2013


I am on #6 now and feeling terribly jaded. Some guy on LiveStream has watched this 24 times this week.
posted by mochapickle at 5:06 PM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Fly away!
posted by JHarris at 5:08 PM on February 11, 2013


I was wondering last night if we could somehow organize midnight showings of this, like Rocky Horror or The Room.
posted by JHarris at 5:10 PM on February 11, 2013


It's always midnight somewhere, JHarris. Join usssssss, it's just past midnight in, uh...UST -1? Or something.
posted by badgermushroomSNAKE at 5:19 PM on February 11, 2013


I got scared by the children in there. But an organized time to view it is a good idea. I could maybe go one more time.

Seriously, how many movies go 24/7 there?
posted by Red Loop at 5:39 PM on February 11, 2013


It's going to be midnight forever.
posted by The Whelk at 5:40 PM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


I suspect this is what drove Benedict to resign the papacy.
posted by Dr. Zira at 5:45 PM on February 11, 2013 [3 favorites]


Although, now I really wanna know who the belching meatball hair lady WAS supposed to be representing.

Isn't it obvious? She's wielding a hamhock the first half of the movie. She sells ham, and ham accessories.
posted by JHarris at 9:35 PM on February 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


She sells ham, and ham accessories.

Shank Hill?
posted by zippy at 9:53 PM on February 11, 2013 [3 favorites]


I'm back, you cold farted itch!
posted by JHarris at 11:29 PM on February 11, 2013


Oh no. No way. You're not dragging me back in there again tonight.

I still haven't even seen this week's pony episode, for Ike's sake.
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 11:37 PM on February 11, 2013


I keep finding new things.

Think about this. Vegetables don't have mascots generally. Products who have their mascots die spoil. Does this explain why?

Or maybe the mascots are like the physical embodiments of additives, preservatives and other artificial ingredients? The household gods of guar gum?
posted by JHarris at 12:45 AM on February 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


Vegetables don't have mascots generally.

But the Bunny-Luv mascot would have fit perfectly in that mess.
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 1:18 AM on February 12, 2013


Someone started up a similar Livestream of After Last Season, which I've not even watched yet, but the trailer is, um, promising.
posted by JHarris at 1:21 AM on February 12, 2013


The many signs in the background have been bothering me, so I went through the first few minutes of a higher-res version of the film, pausing it to jot down product names:

Ninja Wudan Noodles
"Wasabi"
Kung Tofu Tea
Foo Man Chewy's Noodles
Hinky Horse Radish
Cookie Cereal
Roman Pepperoni Pizza
Peanut Crunchers
Italian Gourmet
Cinnamon Sleuth (Dex's product)
Kayman Granola Bars
Auntie Birdies (something)
Glide strips (a real product)
Crest toothpaste (a real product)
The nose doctor's product (Doctor S. Nostril's?)
Mr. Bubble (real product)
The frog's product
DOTS candy (real product)
Crows (real product)
Sugar Babies (real product)
Daredevil Dan's Chocolate (I think Daredevil Dan is an extra or gag character in some scenes)
Kiwi Koala Cookies (Kiwi Koala's product, has one scene)
Kayman Kookies
MELON ROUGE singing in the drain
Hairless Hamster Henchmen Hot Tamales
Cheasel T. Weasel Processed Cheese
Twinkleton (something)
Kayman Kookies
EXPLODA! Soda (my personal favorite)
Lord (something) Shington in Singing in the Drain (the mascot on the sign is the frog king)
Requiem For a Whip Cream
Raisin City Music Hall
Sugar Coated Caviar Candy
Gudrek Hunger's Ice Cream
Eggubus Deviled Eggs
Guissepe Jam
Sweetcake Cupcakes
(something) Moose Juice
Beauty and the Bistro
Ant Acid (Made for, by or of ants?)
Broccoli Ball Player Slam Dunk Veggies
Foo Man Chews
Plumb Dumb
Space Cadet Bruce Space Shades
Hans R. Tied Pretzels
Goosey Loosey (something or other) (backwards)
Tiki Toki's Hot (something)
Fannie Feathers Shampoo
Two Prunes Up
The Spaghetti Vendetti
Sherlock Bones Bones
Ant Acid
Jetpack Jeffreys Jellybeans

Dex's office is in... Thyme Square.
posted by JHarris at 3:21 AM on February 12, 2013 [4 favorites]


I would be totally up for joining in a scheduled Mefi showing of this... I feel that the Livestream nature is also essential to the viewing experience. Where else do we have such communal experiences in our atomised, on-demand world? One begins to wonder whether the perfect delivery mechanism for Foodfight was, in fact, Livestream, rather than DVD or the theatre.
posted by adrianhon at 3:58 AM on February 12, 2013


I would be totally up for joining in a scheduled Mefi showing of this... I feel that the Livestream nature is also essential to the viewing experience. Where else do we have such communal experiences in our atomised, on-demand world?

...Careful. I think this is how religious rituals get started.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:09 AM on February 12, 2013 [3 favorites]


I actually think "Cinnamon Sleuth" is a pretty cool name for a breakfast cereal.
posted by Pope Guilty at 4:17 AM on February 12, 2013


JHarris, the doctor's name is Si Nustrix.
posted by Arrrgyle at 4:29 AM on February 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


As in, "Sinus Tricks?" Ugh.
posted by JHarris at 4:54 AM on February 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


Sinus Trix. They're not for kids. Or anybody.
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 4:58 AM on February 12, 2013 [4 favorites]


This is actually worse than I expected.
posted by zinful at 7:47 PM on February 12, 2013


Sinus Trix, like Domina Trix.
Hang on, isn't "-trix" used to turn masculine noun into feminine nouns? Mayhaps there's more to that nose than meets the eye...
posted by Dr. Zira at 8:15 PM on February 12, 2013


Sigh.

I need to find actual people to mock this with, instead of just internet people. I tried it with a RW friend but it's not the same. I still come back to the Livestream page at times.
posted by JHarris at 12:48 AM on February 13, 2013


Anyone still here? Approaching eight viewings now. I've been thinking a bit more, yes, about Foodfight....

The obvious ancestor of it, in many ways, is of course Toy Story. But one can see here, hidden behind the low-grade effects, bad texturing, and many other questionable decisions, what could have been a good movie. The idea of a whole world of product placement seems awful, yes, but it's use is actually fairly restrained in Foodfight; nearly all the pre-existing product mascots are limited to cameos, and all the main characters are original. Most of the products on the shelves of the store are fictional too (although there are definitely exceptions).

In fact, I think the product placement in Wreck-It Ralph is rather worse. Not only does it have video game character placements as cameos, but in the "Sugar Rush" game world they also have grocery tie-ins, and rather jarringly out-of-place ones too.

The more I think about it, the more Wreck-It Ralph seems like Foodfight's brother who got all the advantages and got in to a good school. Wreck-It Ralph also has much more genuine characters, funnier gags, much better animation, a unique art style, and some very clever injokes. But the most painful thing about Foodfight is, there's the beginnings of an interesting CG cartoon there. The Weasel character is visually inventive, the movement of his neck is actually ingenious; if he had been better voice-acted, had fur instead of a bizarre metallic sheen, and was animated with better timing (GET OFF THE TRACK DAMMIT/GET OUT FROM UNDER THE WRECKING BALL/SIDESTEP THAT TELEPHONE POLE), and if they dropped that unfortunate penis scene, he could have been great.

The movie's worst characteristic is awesome tone-deafness, both in terms of going grossout way too often (to pick just one example, did the moose have to be sticking halfway out of a manhole when complaining about having eaten too much?) to using disgusting stereotypes to the whole generic brands == Nazis thing. There are plenty of other problems with it too cootch rockets. But if it had someone on-hand to rein in the worst abuses earlier in the production, maybe it could have been something.
posted by JHarris at 6:44 PM on February 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


Remember, whatever that thing out there that looks like Jharris isn't him, that's not your friend anymore, that's just some thing wearing his skin, It has to be done. I need you fully commited to this.

Remember, remove the head or destroy the brain. Conserve ammo. let's go.
posted by The Whelk at 7:14 PM on February 13, 2013 [4 favorites]


Hey, JHarris makes a good point, and he could be crazier. Would it be a bad movie if it had the same messages but was done really well, like Toy Story?


I probably shouldn't keep quoting it, but here's some Greatest Hits from the Something Awful Foodfight Thread:

FoodFight! has a protagonist-leader who's transparently modelled on a white explorer-adventurer, and The Next Generation has a protagonist-leader who is actually a white explorer-adventurer. FoodFight! is concerned with corporate brand market penetration, and The Next Generation is concerned with colonialism (if you think there's no connection or parallel between the two I don't know what to say). Both FoodFight! and The Next Generation deal with Otherness effectively exclusively through caricature and stereotype. The goodness of the ethic stereotypes in both FoodFight! and The Next Generation is arbitrated more or less explicitly in terms of their assimilation into the ideals espoused by the white protagonist-leader and the corporate/colonial powers they represent. Both FoodFight! and The Next Generation feature ethnic stereotype sidekick characters (Dan and Worf), whose characterisation borrows heavily from minstrelsy (most obviously in oversexualisation) and who are generally shown to be a) defined by the skills/services they render for the white protagonist-leader (flying or being a security officer) and b) borderline incompetent in this pursuit, and are only shown succeeding when being bolstered by support by the white protagonist-leader. Both FoodFight! and The Next Generation aggressively sexualise Otherness. Both FoodFight! and The Next Generation regard everyday technologies related to their narratives as sinister deathtraps (dishwashers in FoodFight! and transporters and holodecks in The Next Generation). Both are terrified of genetics---genetically modified food is the source of all the evil in FoodFight!, eugenics is one of the recurring shibboleths of the Star Trek franchise (the Eugenics Wars being a narrative device in all series in the franchise, clones being specifically called out as evil in The Next Generation, and genetic modification being a substantial motivating Bad Thing in Deep Space 9).

And for the record, I don't think that there's some sort of unique comparison between Star Trek and FoodFight!. I think they're both just carelessly employing a lot of cruddy detritus from pop culture in ways that people are picking up on in FoodFight! but not in Star Trek. My point in making the comparison is to illustrate the problem with using these flaws to excoriate FoodFight! as the worst thing ever---because those very things, like the racism that so many people have called out, is equivalently prevalent in all sorts of other media. And I'm not saying this to exculpate FoodFight!. I'm really don't think I'm arguing that FoodFight! is better than most people think it is. I'm arguing that there are plenty of other things, not generally perceived to be that bad, that are just as problematic.



The key scene is the one that explains how icons can 'die', and why that's 'bad'.

Icons, you see, are the 'soul' of the product - which is, in actuality, 'just' a potato, or pile of chocolate or whatever. Without the iconic imagery, you are left with the 'pure' physical substance, just a pile of mush. You can't sell that, so the brand dies. Hence, the evocative image of the Potato-Chip Pirate's corpse, fecund with mold.

"The more our (experience of) reality is "virtualized"-changed into a "screen phenomenon" or interface encounter-the more the "indivisible remainder," that which resists integration into the interface, appears as the horrifying remainder of the undead Life. [...] Let us recall the scene from Terry Gilliam's Brazil in which a waiter in a high-class restaurant recommends the daily specials to his customers ("Today, our tournedos is really special!"), yet what they get is a dazzling color photo of the meal they've ordered on a stand above the plate, and on the plate itself a loathsome excremental, pastelike lump. This split between the food's image and the real of its formless excremental remainder perfectly exemplifies the disintegration of reality into an interface image, ghostlike and insubstantial, and the raw stuff of the remainder of the Real..." (Zizek)

When Dex Dogtective says (constantly) that "the secret is inside" he is referring to the objet petit a, the fantasy-thing, that elusive 'x-factor' that makes people fall in love with a brand. X-Lady confuses this with an actual physical ingredient, which is why she is all about plastic surgery, prosthetic enhancements, genetic modification and whatnot. She's desperate for people to love her - but the point Foodfight! is that it doesn't matter if a product is actually 'objectively' better. Good marketing is the only deciding factor.

What Foodfight! does, then, is simply apply the logic of branding to a microcosmic version of society itself. The supermarket is obviously American society, where the different 'brand identities' represent the 'American individualism' fostered by free-market capitalism. You are a brand. Without your brand identity, you are nothing but moldy poo poo.

The film even goes theological with this: in accordance with the constant references to Judaism, the invisible hand of the free market is God, and humans are (I guess) representative of angels or something - guiding the icons through their day-to-day 'lives'. Note how the shopkeeper mourns the bag of chips, destroyed before it could be consumed (by him?). I initially assumed he was God, but he's much too oblivious. The shopkeeper is only a servant to the greater, invisible power that demands that products be bought and enjoyed. (Christopher Lloyd's character, however, is unmistakably a Satan.)

In any case, the film is unironically promoting the 'life in a shopping mall' satirized by Zack Snyder's Dawn of the Dead, with nary a zombie in sight - unless you count the brand Xes themselves. And here's where things get scary. With X-Lady punched so hard she reveals her ugly, and then dragged off to the camps, it's clear that the Brand Xers are the social abject that must be repressed for the Marketropolis to function. Remember: these are the 'ugly' brands that the free market determined should die off. Evolutionary dead-ends, the excremental remainder, their continued existence is an abomination unto the Lord.

Foodfight! is seriously a film about how Jews use liberal multiculturalism as a front to systematically oppress, and even exterminate, 'undesirables'. It's straight-up saying Jews are the new Nazis - and may be advocating the concept.

Who would have guessed that Dex Dogtective is Jewish? Well, he's obviously modeled after a Steven Spielberg character and exists in the nightmarish CGI world forecasted in Jurassic Park. The apocalyptic scenario in Watchmen is what happens when Jurassic park goes too far - but, in Foodfight!, it's presented as an unironic utopia. Spielberg fathered the blockbuster, and has done tons to popularize CGI. Foodfight! is crediting him with all this poo poo. I'm sure he's flattered, to be held up as an example of how Jews (should?) control the media.


The humans aren't angelic; the ones we see up close are horrific, grotesque, distorted. The film isn't an endorsement of consumerism per se, because it has utter contempt for actual consumers. The fact that they're subject to facile manipulation isn't just an implication (e.g. of all the fetishising of brands), it's a plot point---Lady X's manipulation of humans is what allows her entire plan to happen in the first place. The monstrous Mr Clipboard (the Lloyd character) is repugnant in appearance, but is literally designed to pass for human---that's it's entire purpose. The film isn't, therefore, arguing for consumerism, it is literally arguing for consumer goods. The products are the chosen people and possess the divine spark which is the basis for X's `elixir'.

If we want to read all of this entirely in terms of Jewish mythography, then this makes humans qliphoth, the empty shells that surround and imprison divine radiance. The character flee in terror from the approach of humans, and their presence actually transforms their elaborate, polychromatic, multicultural paradise into the quotidian mundanity of an everyday supermarket. The shopkeeper, who is (in this reading) the High Priest of the Temple which is the supermarket-at-night (and is named Leonard, perhaps invoking St Leonard, patron saint of prisoners), speaks of consumption of the products on his shelves, but we never see any actual consumption. Or even implications of consumption---the shelves are perpetually fully stocked, an image of abundance which could only be diminished by actual use. When we do see consumers, they're disgusting, terrifying, a danger to be avoided.


It's weird to me how much this movie misses the mark. I thin overall this is one the biggest cases of someone copying something successful but failing to understand what made the original work.

Toy Story worked because children are attached to toys and adults remember being attached to toys. Yes toys are often just a brand made by a faceless corporation but they gain meaning to the individuals. Toy Story was about that bond. Yes it was very consumerist but it was also an accurate reflection of society and how people relate to their toys.

Meanwhile almost no one feels this way about mascots. Kids often like mascots but they don't feel any sort of connection to them. If you put a child in a world where all their interactions with mascots was taken away, they wouldn't really care. If you took away all of a child's toys, they would be pissed. From what I understand they wanted Foodfight to be a franchise. They wanted it to be a thing that companies would pay to get their mascot in but, once again, no one cares.

The disparity in the relationship isn't helped by the way the movie sets it up. In Toy Story all toys want to be played with and want to spend time with their children. They just want love and attention and their goal is a noble one that also endears us to them. In Foodfight I have no idea what these things exist for. They are the soul of the items but why should we care? They become something that makes it so good doesn't spoil rather than something that actually wants to make a connection. The characters in Foodfight don't care about us at all. They avoid us at all costs and in all forms and they wouldn't even care if we bought them if it weren't for the fact that they could be discontinued. It's a boring relationship. They seem to keep food fresh and we buy their products. It's just lame.

posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 7:22 PM on February 13, 2013


Dear 2013 Secret Quonsar:
Two words: Penisweasel plushie.
posted by Dr. Zira at 7:51 PM on February 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


Er, I don't think I'd pile quite that many beans onto the plate, CIS*. I'm only saying, there were a handful of interesting ideas buried under those tremendous mountains of crap.

By way of contrast, tonight we watched (most of) After Last Season. Readers, I've seen Manos, Monster-A-Go-Go, The Creeping Terror, Red Zone Cuba and the other two Coleman France movies, Santa Claus Conquers The Martians, The Room and Birdemic. This was worse than any of them. But instead of making it an instant classic, it was unwatchable. They just absolutely didn't care. Other than a few fun moments (an MRI scanner made of cardboard boxes, sets that are obviously just rooms of an unfinished building, terrible pacing, and computer graphics that actually made Cube look good), it was dreadfully dull. Shots of closed doors for no reason! People engaging in completely unimportant small talk! Watching a doctor explain what MRIs do to people!

The fun of bad movies is when they reach for the skies, rise two inches off the ground and fall on their faces. Blandly competent but reprehensible movies like Transformers tend to sicken the audience; and movies that don't try much and fail even at that are just boring. I could still watch Foodfight again, but After Last Season, I don't know.

*Compuserve Information Service
posted by JHarris at 10:39 PM on February 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


I think the difference is that the failure mode of photography (and by extension, live action) is 'boring', while the failure mode of drawing or 3d modeling is 'embarrassing'. Bad photography is impersonal: one person's bad vacation snapshots are basically interchangeable with anyone else's. But bad 3d modeling is frequently embarrassingly personal: how you badly model a person says a lot, or at least seems to say a lot, about you. As in the director's choice to voice Cheasel T. Weasel.
posted by Pyry at 11:21 PM on February 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


The fun of bad movies is when they reach for the skies, rise two inches off the ground and fall on their faces. Blandly competent but reprehensible movies like Transformers tend to sicken the audience; and movies that don't try much and fail even at that are just boring. I could still watch Foodfight again, but After Last Season, I don't know.

The My Year of Flops column at the AV Club divides bad flops into Fiascos and Failures. Fiascos are your 'reach for the sky' flops - Cleopatra, Southland Tales, etc. And like you say, they're WATCHABLE. They're interesting! People care about them! Because they shoot for the stars and miss. Failures are like the bad Aliens game I just posted about or most romantic comedies: they had modest ambitions and fucked those up. They tend to be boring, and nobody cares about them.

I think the sheer insanity and massive voice cast of Foodfight make it a fiasco.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 11:37 PM on February 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


I think your Year of Flops column would make for interesting reading. You might take that as an excuse to link to it here (I, at least, think it's within the topic, but I am not a mod), or you could MeMail a link perhaps?

I regret slightly defending Foodfight a bit now. I had forgotten how shamelessly the movie gives us upskirt shots of Sunshine Goodness (and how much I hate the name "Sunshine Goodness"). And how annoying Dan was. And how the movie made sure we knew the evil Brand X general was killed by the awesome power of DINTY MOORE.

I still drop by the Livestream page once in a while, but never bump into anyone anymore. It's probably for the best.
posted by JHarris at 1:04 AM on February 14, 2013


It's not my column; it's a guy named Nathan Rabin. Here's an ancient MeFi thread about it. There's also a book . It's changed to My World of Flops and is still running; hopefully Nabin will cover Foodfight soon.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 1:21 AM on February 14, 2013


Ah, I read the "My" part of the title as your word, sorry.
posted by JHarris at 2:26 AM on February 14, 2013


Nathan Rabin mentioned in some AVclub comments that he wants to do a Foodfight column for My Year Of Flops, as soon as the DVD becomes legally available in the US.
posted by hellojed at 9:23 AM on February 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


I read some of his column last night, and honestly I wasn't really impressed with it. There's a lot of hindsight-is-20-20 carping in it, piling on things everyone's already agrees are awful, reinforcing common knowledge and pointing and laughing at people for having the temerity for trying anything new.

His article on the 2600 game E.T. is particularly bad, but that is outside his usual beat.
posted by JHarris at 1:19 PM on February 14, 2013


But the failure/fiasco distinction I think is still valid.
posted by RobotHero at 1:32 PM on February 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Charlemagne In Sweatpants: "Would it be a bad movie if it had the same messages but was done really well, like Toy Story?"

Yes, it would still be a bad movie. A very, very bad movie.

Still, I could watch it again. I hope something else like this pops up, it's one of the great joys in life to watch terrible things and make jokes while doing it.
posted by Red Loop at 3:22 PM on February 14, 2013


Alright, welp, since I'm a) waaayyyy late to this party and b) the girl I'm seeing is stonewalling me today of all days, me and this bottle of booze are gonna tackle this behemonstrosity in all its phantasmagoric glory. Not sure either of us gonna make it

the weasel is really freakin me the fuck out
posted by SomaSoda at 5:27 PM on February 14, 2013


Are they really doing the Casablanca scene

Is that a gay Aero the Acro-Bat

how does this exist
posted by SomaSoda at 6:03 PM on February 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Yes, it would still be a bad movie. A very, very bad movie.

The thing that bugs me about this assertion is that Wreck-It Ralph is not really that far off from that, and that I liked. (I'd have liked it more without those stupid product placements though; they were an off note.)

Still, I could watch it again. I hope something else like this pops up, it's one of the great joys in life to watch terrible things and make jokes while doing it.

Oh, agreed entirely.

To this end, I've done an unthinkable thing: I've downloaded a copy of The Oogieloves In The Big Balloon Adventure. I've managed to get through about fifteen minutes of it. It's harsh.
posted by JHarris at 7:00 PM on February 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


I, along with some of you, have talked about the Oogieloves as the natural successor to Foodfight. But I'm starting to wonder about that.

Oogieloves was pointed directly at the kiddie market, but was Foodfight? In America there's an almost automatic "animation → kid's movie", but, having seen it, would you let your kids see Foodfight? Yes, there are fart jokes, poo jokes, and talking animals, but the underlying story is dark and complicated, and a lot of the dialog is sesqui-entendre (it's too feeble to be double entendre).

I'm sure you'll let us know, JHarris, but I'm betting that, where Foodfight is fascinatingly awful, Oogieloves will be mind-numbingly so.
posted by benito.strauss at 7:37 PM on February 14, 2013


The My Year of Flops review is hilarious, and makes Ooogieloves sound like the perfect stoner movie.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 8:01 PM on February 14, 2013


For more pain, here's a 24/7 stream of Delgo
posted by hellojed at 8:18 PM on February 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


What the hell is wrong with you?
posted by The Whelk at 8:20 PM on February 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


Yes, there are fart jokes, poo jokes, and talking animals, but the underlying story is dark and complicated, and a lot of the dialog is sesqui-entendre (it's too feeble to be double entendre).

But a world of advertising mascots come to life is too juvenile to take seriously for adults, at least in such a by-the-numbers motion picture. (If you really examined the premise and did something original it could be interesting, but then you probably wouldn't have gotten as many product placement dollars.) The premise isn't really interesting. And the fart and poo jokes serve to confirm the target audience.
posted by JHarris at 9:20 PM on February 14, 2013


But a world of advertising mascots come to life is too juvenile to take seriously for adults, at least in such a by-the-numbers motion picture.

I disagree. Any concept can tell us something if taken seriously. I have very strong memories associated with wandering through the cereal aisle looking at mascots, and I could easily imagine everything from a nightmarish fantasy to a whimsical children's film were they come to life and become my companions. Maybe they're the focused manifestations of the collective unconscious or They Live style subliminal messages.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 9:43 PM on February 14, 2013


Yes, hence my concluding clause in such a by-the-numbers motion picture. If you had mascots, say, questioning their participation in economic systems that are harming consumers, the world, and the planet, that could be very interesting. Here, they fight against Nazis in an off-the-shelf children's adventure plot.

Although, as I believe benito.strauss was referring to, they actually kill some mascots, particularly the Kung Tofu dragon and the blue whitener elephant. They aren't brought back to life by the anti-un-preservative either; they were killed by a meat tenderizer and a metal drill to the eye. Although the actual moment of impact isn't shown onscreen, in both cases we watch right up to the moment before, and those characters are never seen again.

(Later on, when the lightning is bouncing off of tinfoil lightning rods [don't ask], we see the Kung Tofu building, which is monochrome with a big X on it. We aren't told what the hell was up with that.)
posted by JHarris at 10:57 PM on February 14, 2013


they actually kill some mascots

Not only that, but Nazis want to kill off a diverse set of Ikes and replace it with a monoculture. Oh, and Dex is Jewish. Pope Guilty mentioned it above, but it bears repeating: It's a Holocaust movie. Eine Marke, Ein Anbieter, Eine Führerin.
posted by benito.strauss at 11:53 PM on February 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


JHarris: "
The thing that bugs me about this assertion is that Wreck-It Ralph is not really that far off from that, and that I liked. (I'd have liked it more without those stupid product placements though; they were an off note.)
"

I haven't seen Wreck-It Ralph; but I still can't see how this movie in particular could have been well-done. Even with the parts that have an odd logic to them, or the seeds of a clever idea, it's overwhelmingly flimsy and formulaic, persistently nonsensical, not to mention racist and sexist. The underlying premise of product logos being anthropomorphized would just be a quick gag in another movie. While you could possibly expand that idea out into an interesting movie, it wouldn't be this movie.
posted by Red Loop at 3:11 AM on February 15, 2013


I think it could have been well done if it hadn't been flimsy and formulaic and nonsensical and racist and sexist, and had been a different movie.

It's too long to post here in the thread, but I've written up a detailed look of the first 12 minutes of the movie, written during a session of obsessive pausing and rewinding, and posted it to my Dropbox. Contains waaaay too much overthinking of a terrible movie -- I guarantee whatever flaws you've found in it, that I've found more. (But I do admit to liking Mr. Clipboard. "LEONAAAAAARD!") I might continue it later, but not if I hope to remain sane.
posted by JHarris at 5:26 AM on February 15, 2013


Not only that, but Nazis want to kill off a diverse set of Ikes

The moment I twigged to why they're called "Ikes" I had a bit of a meltdown in the Livestream chat.
posted by Pope Guilty at 5:28 AM on February 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


Although the actual moment of impact isn't shown onscreen, in both cases we watch right up to the moment before, and those characters are never seen again.

We do see the Kung Tofu dragon again, right at the very end, when they're doing their "Dex is Jewish!?" schtick. Which is a moment I want to talk about.

The Sinus Doctor, with the big nose and whose voice sounds kind of like a Woody Allen impersonation, is the one who is shocked that Dex is Jewish. And then the chocolate squirrel is all, "Of course," and ( If I remember this correctly ) the chocolate squirrel shouts "Mazel Tov!" and the dragon shouts "L'chaim!" So I think the "joke" is supposed to be, "There are a bunch of Jewish characters, but not the one you thought was a Jewish stereotype."
posted by RobotHero at 8:35 AM on February 15, 2013


Also when I go to the stream, now, it always starts with an advertisement with a man with a giant nose that sneezes snot on people. Coincidence?
posted by RobotHero at 8:37 AM on February 15, 2013


Tangentially related via the World of Flops link -

HOLY SHIT HE ACTUALLY COVERS SEXTETTE AND THE STAR WARS CHRISTMAS SPECIAL. My respect for the guy has soared.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:54 AM on February 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


If the Earth gets hit by an asteroid today causing an extinction event then Food Fight will be the last movie I'll have ever seen.

It makes you think.
posted by mazola at 11:08 AM on February 15, 2013 [3 favorites]


Okay, I did remember it wrong. The chocolate squirrel says "Kosher! Who knew?" and the dragon says something I can't understand because of his thick accent.
posted by RobotHero at 12:49 PM on February 15, 2013


It reminds me of a bit from Kevin Murphy's wonderful A Year At The Movies where he and his pal/co-riffer Mike Nelson go to see Corky Romano, and they notice Peter Falk is in the movie. Murphy notes the danger is that Falk, at his advanced age at the time, could drop dead tomorrow and obituaries would have to note that his last movie was Corky Romano. Fortunately, he made at least one more film before he died.

I edited my Foodfight notes a bit and made a web page for them.
posted by JHarris at 7:02 PM on February 15, 2013 [3 favorites]


mazola: I've been jonesin' for this all night
mazola: Foodfight!
mazola: It's my wife and it's my life

mazola: 'Cause when the stream begins to flow
mazola: Then I really don't care anymore
mazola: Ah, when the Foodfight! is in my brain
mazola: And that blood is in my head
mazola: Then thank God that I'm as good as dead
mazola: Then thank your God that I'm not aware
mazola: And thank God that I just don't care
mazola: And I guess I just don't know
mazola: And I guess I just don't know

posted by mazola at 8:49 AM on February 16, 2013 [2 favorites]


METAFILTER USER SAMBOSAMBO HAS MAILED ME A DVD OF FOODFIGHT. FROM GERMANY. AS IN IT CROSSED A WHOLE OCEAN TO GET TO ME.
posted by hellojed at 5:25 PM on February 25, 2013 [8 favorites]


Now Swede it.
The whole movie. With food.
You know it makes sense.
posted by Mezentian at 6:14 PM on February 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


this thread still LIVES?!
posted by JHarris at 6:25 PM on February 25, 2013


Food Fight has finally been reviewed by My World Of Flops


Marketers of the world have ominous designs on children’s fragile minds, but there has never been a conspiracy to colonize the fertile imaginations of the young people quite as elaborate or misguided as Foodfight! I write that as someone who has previously devoted 1,600 words to chronicling the crimes—aesthetic and otherwise—of Mac And Me, a film that dared to ask the question, “Why can’t E.T. be a feature-length advertisement for McDonald’s and Coke?”

Foodfight! is the product of deluded visionaries who attempted to reinvent children’s entertainment in ways that would seem audacious and refreshing if the results weren’t so hilariously, surreally misguided. Only deluded visionaries have the mindboggling chutzpah to ask questions no one in their right mind would think to ponder. Previous Case File The Oogieloves had the gumption to finally inquire, “Why attend a children’s film with your toddler that you might both enjoy in relative silence when you can bring your tot to a movie that angrily demands that children scream, sing, and generally behave like migraine headaches with limbs?” Delgo, meanwhile, foolishly yet bravely inquired, “Why bother creating feature-length animated films through an expensive studio with a costly infrastructure when you can create community-college-level animation independently?”

posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 10:09 PM on February 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


I watched it again twice last night. I started working on some new jokes for it. I almost feel like I could do a Rifftrax for this.
posted by JHarris at 12:06 AM on February 27, 2013


Also, this:
We feel the need to enforce laws attempting to separate advertising and content in children’s entertainment because if left to their own devices, the airwaves would be flooded with shows like The Simpsons’ Mattel And Mars Bar Quick Energy Chocobot Hour.

Alas, in this age of cable the laws have fallen far behind, and it's not even like the FCC really gets involved in this kind of thing anymore. And I say this as a fan of PONY; I would happily do completely without the show if it meant a return to a 70s-era strict limitation on advertising to children. There are things in this world more important, yes, even than Twilight Sparkle.
posted by JHarris at 12:10 AM on February 27, 2013


There is now a Foodfight Tumblr.

That is all.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:13 AM on February 27, 2013 [2 favorites]


The My World Of Flops article isn't faultless, but it succeeds in finding things wrong with the movie I missed, and it's one of the best articles in the series. He writes:

After a tiny theatrical run in Europe,

Holy shit, this actually got projected!
posted by JHarris at 12:24 AM on February 27, 2013


Whoa... I just got a DMCA notice for my Foodfight! torrent!

(Oh... turns out it was actually for my Joe Dirt download. Carry on.)
posted by porn in the woods at 6:53 AM on February 27, 2013


Someone in the AVClub comments linked to the stream, and now they're all trapped.
posted by hellojed at 8:20 AM on February 27, 2013 [3 favorites]


I wonder who that mysterious commentator is? He (or she) sounds handsome and charming.

Honestly I suspect this whole thing is a Goon prank that got out of hand.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 1:56 PM on February 27, 2013


OK, my torrent's finished. Looks like it's an MPEG-1 VideoCD, 320x240 (the film's native format?)
posted by porn in the woods at 2:52 PM on February 27, 2013


I seriously love that you guys are still commenting in this thread. I got pulled back in by watching the annotated version on YouTube and I'm currently laughing my ass off.
posted by Arrrgyle at 12:29 AM on February 28, 2013


Is....is it safe to come out now?
posted by Jofus at 2:35 AM on February 28, 2013


Amazon sells a Foodfight storybook with sounds.

porn in the woods, the version I torrented is 2.37 GB and of considerably higher resolution than the Livestream.
posted by JHarris at 2:38 AM on February 28, 2013


If you can believe this review on Amazon.co.uk from someone who claims to have worked on the movie, all of the inappropriate innuendos can be directly attributed to the director (aka Cheasel T. Weasel). I don't find it all that unlikely, really, since he's also the same sleazebag who "directed" all the upskirt shots and the cooch-jets scene. What a creeper.
posted by Arrrgyle at 4:24 PM on March 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


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