Call It F8, Call It Luck, Call It Karma
December 12, 2016 10:06 AM   Subscribe

The first trailer for The Fate of the Furious was released last night, and Shea Serrano has 9 extremely important questions to ask about it.

Also involved, but not appearing in the trailer (as far as I saw): Helen Mirren, Kristofer Hivju (aka Tormund Giantsbane or that guy in the hotel commercials), and Tego Calderon and Don Omar reprising their roles as bickering comic relief.
posted by Copronymus (149 comments total) 19 users marked this as a favorite
 
Helen Mirren

Probably just trying to get back into D&D.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 10:08 AM on December 12, 2016 [14 favorites]


Shea Serrano is a goddamn American treasure.
posted by padraigin at 10:12 AM on December 12, 2016


A scene where Roman Pearce (Tyrese) is eating a snack while talking?
A consistently great gag. He is one of Hollywood’s premiere movie eaters.


Yes this is great. I think the Tyrese/Ludacris relationship is one of my favorite things about these movies. It is so good.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 10:15 AM on December 12, 2016 [7 favorites]


haven't seen a single Fast & Furious movie so could someone please explain which dimension the franchise is now operating in? kthxbye
posted by Foci for Analysis at 10:16 AM on December 12, 2016


At this rate, Fast and Furious 12 will take place entirely in spaceships and have a cast of 100. Obviously, there will still be a butt montage.

I will buy 12 tickets.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 10:16 AM on December 12, 2016 [24 favorites]


Remember when this started off as a street gang stealing TV/VHS combos?
posted by Sangermaine at 10:19 AM on December 12, 2016 [33 favorites]


Hmmmm! Based on Statham's reprise, my money is on Kurt Russell's character being the real bad guy. And what is that symbol on the submarine? Has it shown up in previous films?
posted by grumpybear69 at 10:20 AM on December 12, 2016


At this rate, Fast and Furious 12 will take place entirely in spaceships and have a cast of 100. Obviously, there will still be a butt montage.

There will be spaceships and two of the spaceships will crash head on and then fall into a lava planet and we'll all worry what about Dom? and Vin Diesel will climb out and shake his head and whack his ear to get the lava out and then the Rock will pick him up in another spaceship and they'll meet up with the rest of the gang on a beach planet. Tyrese will pay a million spacebucks for a shuttle someone told him was sporty but turns out not to be able to escape the planet's gravity and Ludacris will laugh at him as he flies by in a jetpack.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 10:21 AM on December 12, 2016 [69 favorites]


Oh sorry SPOILERS ABOVE
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 10:21 AM on December 12, 2016 [42 favorites]


Guys, I think you're missing something important: FF12 will definitely have spaceships, but it will also have cars drag racing in space that will defeat the spaceships.
posted by billjings at 10:24 AM on December 12, 2016 [39 favorites]


The only question I need answered: When will we find out that Han and Gisele were in hiding all this time?
posted by imnotasquirrel at 10:27 AM on December 12, 2016 [15 favorites]


Guys, I think you're missing something important: FF12 will definitely have spaceships, but it will also have cars drag racing in space that will defeat the spaceships.

100% chance someone jumps a car from one spaceship to another in slow motion using NOS.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 10:28 AM on December 12, 2016 [14 favorites]


Guys, I think you're missing something important:

The problem with spaceships is that they cannot squeal and slide their way around corners. In Space, No One Can Hear You Drift.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:29 AM on December 12, 2016 [30 favorites]


110% chance I shout "Fuck Yeah Dom!" in the theater when it happens. He lives his life a quarter parsec at a time.
posted by cmfletcher at 10:30 AM on December 12, 2016 [9 favorites]


But stuff can still explode in space!
posted by thefang at 10:30 AM on December 12, 2016


Wow, that is ultra pathetic.

VEHICLES IVXXI THE VEHICLEING
posted by odinsdream at 10:31 AM on December 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


I was thinking about how a future FF would be set in space too. But what I'd really love to see is them go full Elseworlds. A Western/Westworld where everyone making fun of Tyrese having trouble riding horses. A 1920's gangster film where Vin's Model A has a giant hood scoop and they don't even cover up The Rock's tattoos when he plays Elliot Ness.
posted by thecjm at 10:35 AM on December 12, 2016 [19 favorites]


Wow, that is ultra pathetic.

VEHICLES IVXXI THE VEHICLEING


Spoken like someone who doesn't understand the meaning of family.
family means high speed vehicular mayhem ok
posted by juv3nal at 10:37 AM on December 12, 2016 [61 favorites]


You dont see a lot of nuclear submarines in street races because they don't do so well in the quarter mile - I mean theyve got a lot of HP but theyre eally built more for fuel economy

and who surfaces through ice sonar dome first? This is started to push my suspension of disbelief
posted by MrFTBN at 10:38 AM on December 12, 2016 [12 favorites]


I've never seen any of these movies. I didn't realize they were so whatever-that-was.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 10:38 AM on December 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


F8 plot twist theories:

- Evil Dom is a CLONE
- Evil Dom is from an alternate universe
- Everyone except Dom is actually underground getting slowly digested by a hallucinogenic fungus and Dom has, in reality, teamed up with the world's best mycologist (played by Charlize Theron) to save them all
posted by grumpybear69 at 10:40 AM on December 12, 2016 [7 favorites]


Dom, the Iron Giant, Riddick, and space Hannibal and his army of space Elephants team up to defeat the space Roman Empire
posted by otherchaz at 10:40 AM on December 12, 2016 [5 favorites]


Sure FF12 can be in space, but then FF13 should be a Dante-esqe race through hell, purgatory, and heaven.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 10:40 AM on December 12, 2016 [7 favorites]


F&F isn't really my jam, but I'll probably watch it in the theater with coworkers, trying really hard not to guffaw at the sheer ridiculousness. At least it's mostly fun ridiculousness.

In related news: It's okay to not like things!
posted by Alterscape at 10:43 AM on December 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


I've never seen any of these movies. I didn't realize they were so whatever-that-was.

They weren't to start. The first one was literally Point Break with cars instead of surf boards.

But the 4th one - the first sequel to actually have all the main cast members in it, was pretty bonkers. And by the 5th one they decided that these were actually insane Mission Impossible/superhero movies that just happened to have fast cars and exotic locales and The Rock. And with that their popularity exploded.

This series is also super multi-ethnic compared to the Marvel films (where everyone is a white man, a black man, or a white woman). There is a lot to love.
posted by thecjm at 10:43 AM on December 12, 2016 [26 favorites]


At this rate, they will be adapting Saint's Row IV into a FF movie soon. One hopes.
posted by The Gaffer at 10:46 AM on December 12, 2016 [11 favorites]


I've never seen any of these movies. I didn't realize they were so whatever-that-was.

They didn't start that way; it was weirdly organic. The first was more or less a straight up street racing movie, the second was a lame rip off of the first, the third was an inspired rip off of the first, then the fourth started the trend that ended here.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 10:47 AM on December 12, 2016 [5 favorites]


The problem with spaceships is that they cannot squeal and slide their way around corners. In Space, No One Can Hear You Drift.

Like they would let mere physics get in the way.
posted by srboisvert at 10:48 AM on December 12, 2016 [3 favorites]


if Helen Mirren drifts I will buy all the tickets
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 10:49 AM on December 12, 2016 [21 favorites]


family means high speed vehicular mayhem ok

I hope the entire series will be known not as The Fast and the Furious, but Dom's Family Values Saga.
posted by Apocryphon at 10:50 AM on December 12, 2016 [3 favorites]


Fast & Fridiculous
posted by gottabefunky at 10:50 AM on December 12, 2016


This series is also super multi-ethnic compared to the Marvel films (where everyone is a white man, a black man, or a white woman). There is a lot to love.

Yeah, for all it's ridiculousness, it is a massive movie franchise with a diverse cast, and doesn't make a thing of it at all. That's pretty damned rare. It's also an original IP, which means they can more freely cast POC actors because they aren't locked into fan expectations that X character HAS to be white or whatever. They're also fond of settings where the background extras aren't as likely to be a crowd of white people.

I don't like those movies, but I do love that series.
posted by neonrev at 10:51 AM on December 12, 2016 [12 favorites]


I know not with what vehicles Fast and the Furious XIV will be raced, but Fast and the Furious XV will be raced with footmobiles made from sticks and stones.
posted by Apocryphon at 10:52 AM on December 12, 2016 [34 favorites]


I love how apparently only half the team knew about Phase Two, i.e. the house-size wrecking ball about to swoop down the street at hubcap level.
posted by gottabefunky at 10:52 AM on December 12, 2016 [5 favorites]


Like they would let mere physics get in the way.

They incorporate cutting edge developments in physics in every film, sorry if "a human being can survive any fall if they land on a car" isn't in your outdated textbooks yet, Professor.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 10:53 AM on December 12, 2016 [24 favorites]


Was that...Havana?
posted by gottabefunky at 10:55 AM on December 12, 2016


Guys. Guys.

I think this movie might turn out to be silly.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:57 AM on December 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


Like they would let mere physics get in the way.

I'm not sure that I saw any actual physics in that whole trailer.
posted by octothorpe at 11:01 AM on December 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


Dom, the Iron Giant, Riddick, and space Hannibal and his army of space Elephants team up to defeat the space Roman Empire

Will we also get Space Will Graham?
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:01 AM on December 12, 2016 [5 favorites]


I don't understand why everyone is complaining, it's probably the most faithful adaptation of the original Roadrunner cartoons we could have hoped for.
posted by cmfletcher at 11:02 AM on December 12, 2016 [13 favorites]


I love how apparently only half the team knew about Phase Two, i.e. the house-size wrecking ball about to swoop down the street at hubcap level.

It's OK because around the 5th movie they just kind of decided that above-average street racers have instant and perfect knowledge of all physical properties of all visible objects combined with near-perfect ability to convert that knowledge into, for example, making a car move however is necessary to avoid oncoming object or being able to jump off of things onto other things without harm, so Tyrese was never in any real danger.
posted by Copronymus at 11:02 AM on December 12, 2016 [3 favorites]


Guys, I think you're missing something important: FF12 will definitely have spaceships, but it will also have cars drag racing in space that will defeat the spaceships.

You may want to find great bonkers Kirby/wacky racers hybrid anime movie Redline, which is basically this.
posted by MartinWisse at 11:03 AM on December 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


I'm just going to start shouting "Phase 2" whenever I decide to do some dumb thing. You're either on board with this plan or you better get out of the way.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:03 AM on December 12, 2016 [23 favorites]


I'm just going to start shouting "Phase 2" whenever I decide to do some dumb thing. You're either on board with this plan or you better get out of the way.

Ride or die.
posted by juv3nal at 11:13 AM on December 12, 2016


/me continues to grind on spec script about Quaker sloths who struggle to make their container bogs thrive
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 11:14 AM on December 12, 2016 [3 favorites]


Tyrese was never in any real danger.

Tyrese is just sort of Mr. Magooing his way through life at this point, and he'll always be fine. If he were going to get flattened by something, it would have happened ages ago.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:26 AM on December 12, 2016


Was turning Dom into a bad guy the perfect play for the franchise to make?

Now...I've only seen the original movie in this franchise, but, wouldn't this be sort of a return to form? I mean, he was the more-or-less (loveable) bad guy in that one, right? Okay...antihero. Still, he was involved in some shady shit, thus the cops planting a mole in his organization.
posted by Thorzdad at 11:35 AM on December 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


What? No "Fast and the Furiosa" comments? I am disappoint.
posted by mogget at 11:36 AM on December 12, 2016 [6 favorites]


Of course it won't make a lick of sense why Dom is suddendly the bad guy now. (Or the ultimate change to him being a good guy again at the end of the movie.) ...And yet you can argue that it's kinda what the next movie of this franchise needed?
Think about it, Furious 7 was a bit of a mixed bag due to the passing of Paul Walker during production. Paul Walker was also always the true heart and glue of this very mixed group of good-natured, drifting supergangsters. Now someone had to fill the hole he had left behind (and do so in Furious 7 already) and the obvious choice was Dom. The problem just is that Dom never had much of chemistry with any other character besides Paul Walker's Brian. And Furious 7 suffered for it.

Paul Walker's role can't just be replaced with another (new) character either in the breath of a single movie, so in order to keep up our friendly supergangsters close to each other, and be a family still, there needs to be an external threat of new proportions (not tanks, or submarines or whatever, we are talking about emotional stakes here) to truly unite them: Dom.

(Plus, we all kinda knew/hoped that Jason Statham's character would - despite ... uhm... "former disagreements" - eventually join the team somehow, and The Rock's character being disappointed by Dom's face-heel turn and Jason Statham's character being hungry for revenge makes a solid enough reason (in the reality of this franchise, that is) for them to buddy up.)

((I also really need to learn the characters' names.))
posted by bigendian at 11:37 AM on December 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


If I've never seen any of these but enjoy ludicrous car chases, which one should I start with?
posted by skycrashesdown at 11:42 AM on December 12, 2016 [2 favorites]




At this point, the F&F franchise is basically Axe Cop, except the scriptwriters are eavesdropping on seven-year-old kids playing Matchbox cars.
posted by straight at 11:46 AM on December 12, 2016 [20 favorites]


If I've never seen any of these but enjoy ludicrous car chases, which one should I start with?

Probably Fast Five, which has probably the most ludicrous of all their chases, and is a fairly tight movie over all.
posted by tavella at 11:47 AM on December 12, 2016 [3 favorites]


If I've never seen any of these but enjoy ludicrous car chases, which one should I start with?

1 is semi-OK, 2Fast 2Furious is actively quite bad. Tokyo Drift is surprisingly good, but doesn't really connect to the larger mytharc that much and is much less absurd. Fast & Furious (aka the 4th one that came out in 2009) is not great but finally gets into some of the silliness and sets up the team that carries through the rest of the movies. Fast Five is the first one that's full of crazy and fun nonsense. I'm not sure how much background you really need, but if you'd like some context and to feel like the band is getting back together for Fast Five, go ahead and watch the 4th one. Everything from Fast Five on is excellent.
posted by Copronymus at 11:50 AM on December 12, 2016 [6 favorites]


Call It F8, Call It Luck, Call It Karma

Call it hell, call it heaven
It's the sequel to Furious 7
And the guys are only watching it for some Dom
posted by infinitewindow at 11:51 AM on December 12, 2016 [7 favorites]


Everyone except Dom is actually underground getting slowly digested by a hallucinogenic fungus and Dom has, in reality, teamed up with the world's best mycologist (played by Charlize Theron) to save them all

Only theory so far that makes a spittle lick of sense.
posted by sammyo at 11:54 AM on December 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


Oh and for wild theories on why Dom is being bad now, obviously he is controlled by Charlize Theron's character ("the very definition of hi-tech terrorism") via a chip in his brain or something! I mean look at him, he's basically showing no human emotion at all throughout the trailer! (...I mean even less than he usually does.) He doesn't even seem to be all that into kissing Charlize Theron (!). (It's more like she is kissing her obedient soldier.)
posted by bigendian at 11:54 AM on December 12, 2016


So I stopped watching the series at the exact moment where they replaced a potentially excellent train scene with a stupid car chase scene in fast 5, you know, because trains are awesome and cars are stupid.
Are you saying I made a mistake?
posted by uandt at 11:56 AM on December 12, 2016


I can't believe I forgot to add a link in this post to one of my favorite bits of Wikipedia-ania: the incredibly detailed List of The Fast and the Furious characters. Not only does it have an enormous color-coded chart tracking which characters appear in which movies, it has an exhaustive list of every single car driven by pretty much every character important enough to have a name.
posted by Copronymus at 12:03 PM on December 12, 2016 [7 favorites]


Call-It-F8-Call-It-Luck-Call-It-Karma

I believe everything happens for a reason.
posted by Ickster at 12:08 PM on December 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


I've worked in the nitrous sector. They expect results.
posted by a good beginning at 12:17 PM on December 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


Real-time reaction: "Aww yiissss it has a SUBMARINE IN A CAR CHASE bahahahaha"

The problem with spaceships is that they cannot squeal and slide their way around corners. In Space, No One Can Hear You Drift.

Like they would let mere physics get in the way.


See also: Battlestar Galactica
posted by fraula at 12:17 PM on December 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


I love how apparently only half the team knew about Phase Two, i.e. the house-size wrecking ball about to swoop down the street at hubcap level.

and how "oh sh--" is censored there, but "shit" is OK later in trailer

and: when's the last time anyone has seen a wrecking ball in real life? I've only seen a) controlled explosive demolition or b) jackhammer on the end of a backhoe arm, like the Rose McGowan character from Planet Terror. Smithsonian provides some answers (Jan 8 2016 article).

and: I'm going to see this movie. Full of action and extended family and all different people working together. Kind of like a Hallmark movie for guys.
posted by kurumi at 12:18 PM on December 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


Everything from Fast Five on is excellent.

Eh, 7 was overlong and not ridiculous enough. It needed more Jason Statham eating a fancy dinner in a warehouse and less awkward CGI Paul Walker (though I understand why they did it). What made 4-6 so magical was Justin Lin's direction and his continuous drive to out-do himself in the special effects realm, largely through practical (vs VFX) effects. Also, the increasingly unreal physics and the uniformly nonsensical decision-making of the characters themselves.

8 could be a return to form, but who knows? This is the guy who directed Friday.
posted by grumpybear69 at 12:33 PM on December 12, 2016


Call-It-F8-Call-It-Luck-Call-It-Karma

I refuse to pronounce "F8" as a single syllable, and will instead assume that we're naming these movies after the function keys on our respective keyboards.

Fast & Furious 8: Play/Pause
Fast & Furious 9: Next Track

Things are really going to go to hell for the 13th installment, which depending on your layout is either "Eject media" or "Power."
posted by Mayor West at 12:34 PM on December 12, 2016 [19 favorites]


I'm not sure how much background you really need, but if you'd like some context and to feel like the band is getting back together for Fast Five, go ahead and watch the 4th one. Everything from Fast Five on is excellent.

I'd say 1 is mandatory. If I was giving an opinion I'd say watch 1, 3, and 5 on.
posted by edeezy at 12:36 PM on December 12, 2016


charlize as an ice queen in an ice breaker submarine is pretty great.
posted by rmless at 12:41 PM on December 12, 2016


So I stopped watching the series at the exact moment where they replaced a potentially excellent train scene with a stupid car chase scene in fast 5, you know, because trains are awesome and cars are stupid.
Are you saying I made a mistake?


You were like 15 minutes away from seeing The Rock chase Vin Diesel across a favela's rooftops, and an hour or so from the final car chase - one of the greatest/worst uses of physics in movie history.
posted by thecjm at 12:45 PM on December 12, 2016 [4 favorites]


FAST AND FURIOUS FILMS RANKED:

Fast 5
The Fast and the Furious
Fast & Furious 6
Star Wars: A New Hope
Furious 7
Gremlins 2
Tokyo Drift
posted by Fizz at 12:47 PM on December 12, 2016 [14 favorites]


Please tell me this ends with Charlize Theron being crushed after trying to outrun the nuclear submarine instead of cutting sideways.
posted by Behemoth at 12:52 PM on December 12, 2016 [8 favorites]


Of course it won't make a lick of sense why Dom is suddendly the bad guy now.

Of course it does: These are professional wrestling plot points, where heels become babyfaces, and babyfaces briefly seem to be conspiring with heels until the reveal that they ARE STIL BABYFACES AND THE CROWD GOES WILD.

It's vintage storytelling. Just fucking cherry.
posted by maxsparber at 12:56 PM on December 12, 2016 [10 favorites]


You were like 15 minutes away from seeing The Rock chase Vin Diesel across a favela's rooftops,

More importantly, like 40 away from The Rock and Vin Diesel reenacting Gilgamesh and Enkidu wrestling through the streets of Uruk until they became true friends forever.
posted by Copronymus at 1:11 PM on December 12, 2016 [15 favorites]


grumpybear69: "the increasingly unreal physics"

Even though I don't really have a huge problem with unrealistic movie physics (conservation of momentum? what's that?), the one part in Fast Five: The One in Brazil that really took me out of the movie was when they were dragging those vaults all over Rio. I couldn't stop myself from internally screaming "You can't do that! The friction would be enormous!"
posted by mhum at 1:13 PM on December 12, 2016


Wait, wait - now there's conflicting advice in the thread.

I'm another person who has actively avoided these films so far, but obviously now is the time for mindless popcorn films (are we not entertained?) so I think I'll start.

Option 1: Start with FF4, then keep going with 5, 6, 7.

Option 2: Watch FF1, then 3, 5, keep going with 6 and 7.

The merged option: FF1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. (That's a lot of commitment - at that point, why leave out FF2?)

The minimalist option: Start at 5.

So what's the official MeFi position here? My Netflix queue wants to know.
posted by RedOrGreen at 1:18 PM on December 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


I couldn't stop myself from internally screaming "You can't do that! The friction would be enormous!"

It's cool, they buttered 'em.
posted by Itaxpica at 1:20 PM on December 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


More importantly, like 40 away from The Rock and Vin Diesel reenacting Gilgamesh and Enkidu wrestling through the streets of Uruk until they became true friends forever.

The Rock and Vin Diesel at Race Wars...on the road
Ludacris, his arms wide!
Owen Shaw, when the Brian fell
posted by Fizz at 1:23 PM on December 12, 2016 [16 favorites]


It's too bad Tokyo Drift doesn't get more respect. (Yeah, I'm looking at you, Fizz.) Because it's really pretty good. The only problem is that it has nothing to do with the rest of the movies.

It's sort of like the franchise's Halloween III: Season of the Witch. Where they had done the first movie and a sequel that wasn't nearly as well received, so they thought, we'll just make it sort of a brand, where it's not about these specific characters and situations. It can be any movie that sort of fits on the same bookshelf. And then people watched it and were like, well shit, where are the specific characters and situations we expected from the first two? So they went back to that and kind of forgot there was one that had nothing to do with them. (Though I guess there was a bit of retconning to fit it into the series, apparently it's now supposed to take place between six and seven.)

And Lucas Black is a much more interesting actor than anybody knows because he's got this pretty thick southern accent going on and apparently doesn't want to get rid of it for parts, because that's who he is. But I've never seen him in anything where he wasn't good, even if nothing else around him was.
posted by Naberius at 1:27 PM on December 12, 2016 [4 favorites]


Not having Justin Lin directing anymore hurt the series last time, but Vin Diesel is an excellent, um, series runner, so I'm hoping F. Gary Gray can put them back on track, so to speak. It's worth noting that the emphasis on PoC includes the directors and crew for the series too. It's something Diesel is pretty serious about.

So does Michelle Rodriguez get her big fight this time with Charlize Theron? Even with Diesel and Johnson, Rodriguez has gotten the highlight brawl in a couple of the films where her character was central. Which is another nice little change from the norm for action movies.
posted by gusottertrout at 1:28 PM on December 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


As to which to watch, the Lin directed ones are, IMO, the best, 4, 5, 6, and Tokyo Drift, but that last one is only vaguely connected to the others and drags, ahem, in the beginning with a dullish lead. The first movie establishes the main characters, but starting with Fast & Furious, the fourth movie, shouldn't prove too confusing on that front since they rehash a bit and then build the next few films from that restart if you're looking for the shortest route to figure out what's what.
posted by gusottertrout at 1:39 PM on December 12, 2016


FAST AND FURIOUS FILMS RANKED:

Fast 5
The Fast and the Furious
Fast & Furious 6
Star Wars: A New Hope
Furious 7
Star Trek Beyond
Gremlins 2
Tokyo Drift

posted by Rainbo Vagrant at 1:42 PM on December 12, 2016 [5 favorites]


They incorporate cutting edge developments in physics in every film, sorry if "a human being can survive any fall if they land on a car" isn't in your outdated textbooks yet, Professor.

Not that cutting edge. It's been fifteen years since Anakin Skywalker fell a quarter of a mile to land unharmed (albeit gracelessly) on Zam Wessell's speeder. Call it Fast Zero: Attack of the Clones.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 1:49 PM on December 12, 2016 [1 favorite]




But will there be a scene where Dom hands someone a Corona to welcome them into the family? That is the most important FF scene.
posted by Hermione Dies at 2:15 PM on December 12, 2016 [7 favorites]


Fast & Furious 8: Play/Pause
Fast & Furious 9: Next Track


Fast 10: Your Seatbelts
posted by straight at 2:19 PM on December 12, 2016 [33 favorites]


I couldn't stop myself from internally screaming "You can't do that! The friction would be enormous!"

The fact that the vault is simultaneously massive and weightless is what makes that scene completely amazeballs.
posted by grumpybear69 at 2:19 PM on December 12, 2016 [4 favorites]


So what's the official MeFi position here?

I'd say try the first movie. If you enjoy it and like the characters, watch from 3 on.

If you were disappointed that it wasn't silly enough, watch the first scene of 4 (which might hook you, or) then skip to 5 and keep going as long as you're having fun.
posted by straight at 2:32 PM on December 12, 2016


These are my favorite movies. I love them so hard. For first time (and repeat watchers) note that they pretty much all meet the Bechtel test. They're goofy fun that for the most part respects women, doesn't use sexualized violence as a plot point (you know how rare that is in a popcorn movie?), and let's them have agency. There are things you have to look past, but as far as problematic faves go, they're not that problematic. And damn if that whole "found family" thing doesn't get me in the feels every time. I love them so much.
posted by stoneweaver at 2:35 PM on December 12, 2016 [9 favorites]


Tokyo Drift is surprisingly good, but doesn't really connect to the larger mytharc that much and is much less absurd.

I'll have you know that Tokyo Drift is the king of the mountain of absurdity, and truly the cinematic peak of the series. And Fizz, I'm sorely disappointed. I mean, it's got everything, and was the last of the series that actually seemed like all of the problems in the story could be solved with a car race down a mountain in the middle of the night. Since then, it's all "race, crash, then start punching" which, well, when you have the Rock, having him drive a car seems less useful than having him pick up the car and throw it at something else, most likely another car.

Still, Tokyo Drift is a delight, as I've gone about at length elsewhere. The key takeaway is that it's a movie set in Tokyo made by a creative team that clearly has only ever seen movies about Tokyo made by people who never set foot in Tokyo. It's made by people who saw the scene in Kill Bill where the plane flies in low over the city and thought, wow, it must really be like that. People who saw the shots of Hong Kong in Kung fu movies with the subtitle that said "New York" and were like, sure, I'll buy it. It is the pinnacle of F&F films.

As for this trailer, I had a moment where I started to think this was just all too silly, that maybe there was some shark jumping, but I think Serrano's article and the gleeful anticipation here has sucked me back in. I don't buy Statham becoming a good guy though. He killed Han.
posted by Ghidorah at 2:39 PM on December 12, 2016 [3 favorites]




Tokyo Drift is surprisingly good, but doesn't really connect to the larger mytharc that much and is much less absurd.

It has been retcommed into the series in the maddest way possible, and for that I love it.
posted by maxsparber at 2:50 PM on December 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


TOKYO DRIFT IS CARS DANCING
IF YOU DON'T LIKE CARS DANCING, THEN I DON'T LIKE YOU
posted by redsparkler at 3:02 PM on December 12, 2016 [8 favorites]


Tokyo Drift is my favourite. But I'm seriously biased, because, honestly, I could watch Sung Kang and Lucas Black sit at dinner and talk about tax returns or something, and I'd still be dazzled.

Add into it that it's hinted that Han is also Han from Better Luck Tomorrow, and I am absolutely delighted. Yeah, Vin and Dwayne eyefucking each other through Brazil...that's awesome. Secret street races in London that don't involve teenage boys in Fiats...that's a bit more ridiculous than I can handle, but still awesome.

But give me the 5678s singing "Barracuda" while Lucas Black tries to navigate a Tokyo commute any day.

Also, I'm kinda sad that Sung Kang didn't get a cameo in Star Trek Beyond. I mean, it's awesome that Doug Jung played Ben and all, but I really wanted Hikaru and totally-not-Han to have met on the underground starship racing circuit. I'm telling y'all - Fast and Furious: Enterprise Drift.
posted by Katemonkey at 3:03 PM on December 12, 2016 [3 favorites]


I know not with what vehicles Fast and the Furious XIV will be raced, but Fast and the Furious XV will be raced with footmobiles made from sticks and stones.

FF14 has chocobos and magiteks. I think FF15 has a car or jeep or something, actually!
posted by curious nu at 3:10 PM on December 12, 2016 [5 favorites]


The Fast and the Furious: Fates
posted by DoctorFedora at 3:14 PM on December 12, 2016


FAST AND FURIOUS FILMS RANKED:

Fast 5
The Fast and the Furious
Fast & Furious 6
Star Wars: A New Hope
GalaxyQuest
Furious 7
Star Trek Beyond
Gremlins 2
Tokyo Drift

posted by DoctorFedora at 3:14 PM on December 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


FAST AND FURIOUS FILMS RANKED:

Mad Max: Fury Road
Fast 5
The Fast and the Furious
The Wages of Fear
Fast & Furious 6
Vanishing point
Furious 7
Tokyo Drift
posted by maxsparber at 3:17 PM on December 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


The (fake) heel turn is a long con. Too bad it doesn't actually pay out until F11: Full Screen.
posted by ckape at 3:36 PM on December 12, 2016 [4 favorites]


Where's Mia? Off raising a kid somewhere? boo!
posted by ODiV at 3:36 PM on December 12, 2016


Add into it that it's hinted that Han is also Han from Better Luck Tomorrow, and I am absolutely delighted.

A friend of mine is planning to watch one F&F movie each day of Hanukkah this year, with Better Luck Tomorrow being number 8.
posted by Itaxpica at 3:43 PM on December 12, 2016 [4 favorites]


I don't buy Statham becoming a good guy though. He killed Han.

Srsly.

When it comes to these movies, I have a simple guideline: No Han, no watch.
posted by rewil at 3:44 PM on December 12, 2016 [3 favorites]


Too bad it doesn't actually pay out until F11: Full Screen.

They scrapped that. The new one is just called "Touch Bar" and it's straight to Cinemax. (If you know what I mean.)
posted by The Bellman at 4:09 PM on December 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


I love these films so much, and have gone on at length in previous threads about why I adore them (gleefully ridiculous, most diverse blockbuster franchise of all time, interesting parts for women, physics is just a suggestion, etc etc etc). I wept unashamedly at the end of F7 and its tribute to Paul Walker.

I've linked to it before, I think, but cultural critic Wesley Morris dubbed the franchise the most progressive force in American cinema and he's totally right.

Probably Fast Five, which has probably the most ludicrous of all their chases: is it 5 or 6 which has them racing their cars to stop a plane on the world's longest runway?? Because that was amazeballs and it still my all-time favorite chase even considering F7 which had them jumping cars between buildings and also between planes.
posted by TwoStride at 4:10 PM on December 12, 2016 [6 favorites]


F8? Isn't that how we select the boot menu?
posted by Nanukthedog at 4:11 PM on December 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


I'm waiting for the hybrid version, "Not So Fast and a Little Passive-Aggressive But Quite Sensible With Good Resale Value."

Or the silent version, Fast and Automated, where they all drive Tesla Model S's in ludicrous mode while reading the paper.
posted by spitbull at 4:45 PM on December 12, 2016


The last time I had a cold, I watched all of them. (I bought a box set of 1-6 on sale, and do not regret it at all.) And it was perfect. They are ridiculous and over the top, and I enjoy every single one. Including, yes, Tokyo Drift.
posted by epersonae at 4:55 PM on December 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


Or the silent version, Fast and Automated, where they all drive Tesla Model S's in ludicrous mode while reading the paper.

This would set the record for on-screen deaths by the end of the first act.
posted by clorox at 4:56 PM on December 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


if Helen Mirren drifts I will buy all the tickets

better start saving now.
from an interview she did last year:
My great ambition is to be in a Fast and Furious movie. I so want to be a mad driver in a Fast and Furious movie. My claim to fame is I always do my own driving — I was on Top Gear, and I did [my lap] in a very good time. I keep putting it out there, and they never ask me. I’ll be in Fast and Furious 8. I have to say Vin Diesel is brilliant. I love Vin Diesel. He’s a great guy, smart — I love him. It’s partly because of him I’d like to be in one, but also the driving. I’d also love to do another Red-type movie, because those are such fun to do.
I rather love the idea that Helen Mirren just chases Vin Diesel down at various Hollywood parties and just goes, "come onnnnnnnn, let's do this! It'll be so much fun."
posted by bl1nk at 4:58 PM on December 12, 2016 [29 favorites]


If the series is half as fun and crazy as this thread, I need to see it. Seriously it feels like I'm like witnessing a good day in a comedy writers' room here.
posted by Flaffigan at 5:16 PM on December 12, 2016


When it comes to these movies, I have a simple guideline: No Han, no watch.

I'm holding out for Fast and Funyuns.

It's basically just an hour and a half of Han eating chips and dropping the occasional zen koan.
posted by madajb at 5:25 PM on December 12, 2016 [4 favorites]


Watch them in internal chronological order. Because if you actually watch Tokyo Drift as the third movie, nothing will make any sense. Same if you watch it before any of the other movies.

And whatever other people say, don't skip 2. 2 is hilarious and makes up for 1 (my theory is that the director hated making the movie and decided it should be bad). 1 takes itself seriously, Point Break copy with less talent, but don't let it put you off. 4 starts putting 1 & 2 together and sets up for 5. 5 is surprisingly good. 6 is where they stopped caring about reality. 7 is the natural continuation of reality shedding, and gets you right in the feels about Paul Walker.

Because if you've managed to watch 6 of these movies, you EFFING CARE by the time you get to 7.

I'm a middle-aged woman who can't drive a stick and also have a heart of stone, and I CRIED IN THE THEATER, damnit!
posted by monopas at 5:30 PM on December 12, 2016 [9 favorites]


bl1nk, you made my week. Oh god, maybe Dame Helen is the submarine captain and she drifts the submarine!
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 5:48 PM on December 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


FAST AND FURIOUS FILMS RANKED:

- The Fast & Imperator Furiosa
- Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena
- The Ferrari scene from Scent of a Woman
- Ronin
- Driving Miss Daisy Enhanced Edition
- The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down
posted by turbid dahlia at 5:55 PM on December 12, 2016 [3 favorites]


FAST AND FURIOUS FILMS RANKED:

You forgot the one with Michael Fucking Caine driving a Mini.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 6:12 PM on December 12, 2016


More importantly, like 40 away from The Rock and Vin Diesel reenacting Gilgamesh and Enkidu wrestling through the streets of Uruk until they became true friends forever.

As soon as my friends saw that scene, it became a running joke about how many apple boxes Vin had to stand on to actually be eye to eye with The Rock. 2? 3? MORE?
posted by thecjm at 6:30 PM on December 12, 2016 [3 favorites]


Again, everyone saying Tokyo Drift is on the bottom, it's like you never saw 2 Fast 2 Many Cars That Weren't Cars Because They Used Computer Graphics Instead Of Cars In A Movie About Cars. 2 is clearly the deep dark horror lurking at the bottom of the pile, but necessary because it introduces several important characters.

And yeah, you need to watch all of the first six before you get to seven, because somehow this absolutely absurd series about:
racing
car gangs stealing low grade electronics
drug-running with fast cars
bank robberies with fast cars
international espionage with fast cars
urban warfare with fast cars
movies that inexplicably haven't had a cover of Fast Car by Tracy Chapman
the Rock and Vin Diesel trying to figure out if they should just kiss already

family, yeah, that's it... This series about family will hit you right in the feels when they deal with Paul Walker's death in a way that isn't exploitative, and manages to be a positive chunk of happily ever after wish fulfillment.

Sorry, bit dusty.
posted by Ghidorah at 7:21 PM on December 12, 2016 [6 favorites]


Thank you, my fellow Tokyo Drift fans of metafilter coming to the defense. You all make me proud to be among your ranks.

(Yes I'm in the camp that Tokyo Drift is the RADDEST OF THEM ALL and no you cannot compel me to think otherwise)
posted by Annika Cicada at 7:27 PM on December 12, 2016 [3 favorites]


Tokyo Drift is great and I'm not suggesting that nobody watches it, but if you watch it 3rd you might expect the other movies to be better than they are. It is a smaller, crafted movie that deserves better.

It is like a suspension bridge of disbelief. 3 makes 4 feel like a bit of a let down in some ways. And then you might not care about the characters enough to watch until it gets you and holds you like some kind of Lovecraftian vision. Waching in amused horror, throwing things and yelling at the screen until you cry about good the Paul Walker tribute was so well done.
posted by monopas at 7:42 PM on December 12, 2016


The problem with spaceships is that they cannot squeal and slide their way around corners. In Space, No One Can Hear You Drift.

I hate to be the person who says 'actually..' but, actually this is a plot point in The Expanse, both the tv show and in the books. Done right, it could be quite cinematic.

Take a small ship, set a goal of an almost impossible course, using planets and asteroids as slingshots, skimming on an atmosphere for a bounce effect, or launching with only a small amount of fuel which makes the planning an essential part of the game, since there will be no course corrections.

Could be done with F&F, where everyone becomes asteroid miners working for an evil Musk-esque character after busting up a bunch of Teslas or something.
posted by honestcoyote at 7:47 PM on December 12, 2016 [4 favorites]


Oh man I'm psyched about this.

And Tokyo Drift was great!
posted by defenestration at 7:48 PM on December 12, 2016


FAST & FURIOUS: SPACE JAM
posted by blue_beetle at 7:49 PM on December 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


i haven't seen a F&F movie since 2 Fast 2 Furious

i don't know what the even fuck is happening here
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 8:32 PM on December 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


Seriously, anyone considering watching these movies thanks to this post really, really should. They're so goofily, wonderfully, over-the-top fun. Plot- and story-beat wise, the entire series reads like what a bunch of heavily-caffeinated kids playing with Matchbox cars would come up with, complete with all the stunts, explosions, and general escalation that that entails ("then they chase a train! And then they chase an AIRPLANE!"). That they still somehow manage to give that a strong enough emotional core that the series' goodbye to its star routinely moves diehard cynics to tears is nothing short of amazing.

The tone is flawless; the creators take the movies just seriously enough to not feel smirking, but unseriously enough that it never feels ponderous. Add to the mix the fact the fact that it features a heavily nonwhite cast without remotely making a Thing out of how much the cast isn't white, and you have a recipe for one hell of a series.
posted by Itaxpica at 8:35 PM on December 12, 2016 [7 favorites]


Well, I certainly wasn't expecting the MetaFilter community to gather around the Fast & Furious series (which I've never seen) as a widely-admired cultural touchstone.
posted by schmod at 8:38 PM on December 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


2 is still really bad though, it was on TV last night and I found myself watching it and wondering why the cg was sooooooo damn bad.
posted by Carillon at 8:50 PM on December 12, 2016


Well, I certainly wasn't expecting the MetaFilter community to gather around the Fast & Furious series (which I've never seen) as a widely-admired cultural touchstone.

Ohana means family and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.
posted by juv3nal at 9:03 PM on December 12, 2016 [6 favorites]


Honestly, watch them all in order. If you really need to, skip 2. If you absolutely positively cannot afford the time but still feel like you need to watch most of the series, skip 4 as well. But even as awful as it is with the CGI and the bad acting and wait how is this even a Fast and the Furious movie anyways, I don't regret my time watching the second one. The fourth movie just suffers from being surrounded by better entries.

If you're going to commit to watching all of them, I don't see why you wouldn't watch them in release order. Yeah, Tokyo Drift is way too early in the chronology if you watch them that way, but that's actually one of my favourite things about the franchise. You miss basically nothing plotwise, and you get to experience the reason why the chronology is so weird.
posted by chrominance at 9:45 PM on December 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


I'm still super mad that they killed off one of the only Asian guys in the movies that isn't a ninja villain or some kind of socially inept computer nerd

It's an underground street racing team how are there no Asians???
posted by danny the boy at 10:06 PM on December 12, 2016 [5 favorites]


The only problem with Tokyo Drift is the lack of Dave Rodgers and Yuzo Koshiro on the soundtrack.
posted by clorox at 10:33 PM on December 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


Clorox, one of the things I liked about Tokyo Drift was that it was a rare film with actual, contemporary Japanese music. They had some decent stuff, as far as I can recall, and you can't really pick better Japanese car racing music than Dragon Ash.

Huh. Just thinking. Now that we've caught up to Tokyo Drift in the chronology, I wonder if we'll be seeing any of the cast from 3 join in the family? (Aside from Han, who is not dead, he is ascended, snacking on junk food in heaven, and seriously, Han was a better movie eater than any other character in the series, better even than Rusty in Oceans...)
posted by Ghidorah at 11:10 PM on December 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


Things are really going to go to hell for the 13th installment, which depending on your layout is either "Eject media" or "Power."
I've never really watched these (maybe part of the first one?) but I would totally watch F&F13: SysRq.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 3:41 AM on December 13, 2016


If you're looking for a movie starring Vin Diesel with more down to earth, realistic stunts(skateboarding off a bus, skiing off a radio tower and then through a snowless jungle, riding a motorcycle through...I can't spoil it, just watch) check out the new xXx.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 5:00 AM on December 13, 2016 [1 favorite]


Tokyo Drift has a special place in my heart because it was the very first date movie I went to with the woman who would become my wife. She picked me up from work on her motorcycle and said "Let's go watch a silly movie somewhere air conditioned."

I really really liked it. I've never seen any of the others though, in part because I understand that they aren't actually very much like Tokyo Drift at all, but maybe I should give them a chance.
posted by 256 at 5:30 AM on December 13, 2016 [3 favorites]


Well, I certainly wasn't expecting the MetaFilter community to gather around the Fast & Furious series (which I've never seen) as a widely-admired cultural touchstone.

I have to admit I've carried this admiration quietly deep in my heart out of shame for years upon end now and this thread surprised and delighted me as well.
posted by Annika Cicada at 6:34 AM on December 13, 2016 [5 favorites]


Bah, you don't know shame. Just try telling people you actually think the Twilight series is underrated and see how they treat you!
posted by gusottertrout at 6:41 AM on December 13, 2016 [1 favorite]


Well, I certainly wasn't expecting the MetaFilter community to gather around the Fast & Furious series (which I've never seen) as a widely-admired cultural touchstone.

We're as amazed as you are, schmod.
posted by Naberius at 7:23 AM on December 13, 2016 [2 favorites]


The Japanese releases of the movies in this series sound pretty good too:

Wild Speed
Wild Speed X2
Wild Speed X3: TOKYO DRIFT
Wild Speed MAX
Wild Speed MEGA MAX
Wild Speed: EURO MISSION
Wild Speed: SKY MISSION
Wild Speed: ICE BREAK
posted by straight at 7:34 AM on December 13, 2016 [2 favorites]


And from Twitter:

I have stolen
the cars
that were in your
race

and which
you were planning
to use
for crimes

Forgive me
they were
so fast
and so furious
posted by straight at 7:40 AM on December 13, 2016 [22 favorites]


This is not the first time the Blue has shown love to the F&F franchise.
posted by grumpybear69 at 8:56 AM on December 13, 2016 [2 favorites]


As amazing the tonal and genre shift is between F&F1 and F&F7, there's another Vin Diesel franchise that might top it.

Pitch Black, the first movie in the Chronicles of Riddick series is a pretty good Aliens ripoff, an assortment of spaceship-crash survivors getting picked off by hordes of alien monsters. It seems to take place in an Aliens-type of universe: humans with FTL spreading out through the galaxy retaining recognizable human social structures.

But then the second movie, The Chronicles of Riddick, which is ostensibly a direct sequel, is more like Flash Gordon or Jupiter Ascending. It's full of space wizards, prophesies, alien races, Necromongers, and Judy Dench as some kind of air elemental. Watching the two back-to-back, I couldn't stop 'wait, what?!'-ing all the way through the second movie.
posted by straight at 11:06 AM on December 13, 2016 [6 favorites]


I couldn't stop 'wait, what?!'-ing all the way through the second movie

Seriously, how did he get Judy Dench? That was a seriously WTF film.
posted by grumpybear69 at 11:40 AM on December 13, 2016


The way I've heard it is that Riddick is Vin Diesel's baby, like part of a RPG campaign or something? And that he got control of it by promising to return to F&F, starting with the Tokyo Drift cameo.
posted by epersonae at 1:12 PM on December 13, 2016


Giant... wrecking ball... smashing cars.

Guys! GUYS! F&F has moved on from Need for Speed to Split/Second.
posted by hanov3r at 2:40 PM on December 13, 2016


Based on this thread, I started watching the first movie, and when I first saw all the cars pull up at the diner, each a different color, my first thought was, "So, Blond Guy must be the last Power Ranger." (Also, Netflix's thumbnail description spoils a plot point.)
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:33 PM on December 13, 2016


I love these movies more than I can tell y'all, and this is totally what I needed to perk up after an already shitty week. YAYYYYYYYY.

[I would totally suspend my disbelief to get Han and Giselle back.]

[Watch them all, in order, skipping Tokyo Drift [sorry y'all]. The first one has aged surprisingly well, and it will make some of the connections between the characters make more sense. Also, watch the coda between the first and second movies. And don't skip the second movie, though a lot of folks will tell you to, because you won't know where Roman came from if you do.]

I am so happy to see that the hacker from the last movie was not a one-off character. But I'm sad not to see Tego Calderon and Don Omar, because they had amazing chemistry in 4 and 5.

And I've watched it twice, and maybe I'm just tired, but I could not spot Helen Mirren.

In sum: SQUEEEEEE. I know where I'll be April 14.

(And yasssss, in the meantime, go see the new xXx so they'll make another one, though I'd rather have seen Ice Cube again rather than Vin Diesel, much as I love Diesel. Big boomy ridiculous action movie with an ensemble cast and good soundtrack? Sign me up. Yes, I do have a type.)
posted by joycehealy at 6:43 PM on December 13, 2016 [3 favorites]


(I am the only person I know who thought that State of the Union was superior to the first xXx, so...)
posted by joycehealy at 6:52 PM on December 13, 2016


Hey man, stop calling it FF. FF is reserved for Final Fantasy.
posted by Brocktoon at 3:59 PM on December 14, 2016


Also, watch the coda between the first and second movies.

There's also Los Bandoleros which takes place before the 4th film.
posted by juv3nal at 5:10 PM on December 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


By happy coincidence, 1,2, and 3 are playing on cable here. I'm currently on 3, and you know, it's not entirely tone deaf. The scene where our hero first walks into class, and the teacher is scolding him for wearing outside shoes, totally not paying attention to his utter lack of understanding, and him, the foreigner, just sort of expecting everything to work out? That's pretty spot on. Also, Sonny Chiba, Konishiki, and a full movie of Han. That, and the IMDB cast list has a character listed as "Exceedingly Handsome Man." What's not to like?

aside from the little sticking point that the legal driving age in Japan is 18, or that buying a car means you have to have a legal spot to park it, which would make this movie a lot shorter...
posted by Ghidorah at 2:38 AM on December 17, 2016


FF is reserved for Final Fantasy.

One is the thing where people keep posting homoerotic pictures of dude friends with their car on Twitter and tumblr and the other is the other one doing the same thing.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:41 PM on December 17, 2016 [1 favorite]


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