“Lightly pull trigger until cheese extrudes from tip,”
May 19, 2017 10:24 AM   Subscribe

The Fondoodler is a hollow cartridge and ratcheted plunger mounted in a nozzled pistol, with heated tip. Discharges cheese. [The Guardian] “I’m looking at it right now, and I still don’t know what it is. First impressions are that it resembles one of those “pump up your junk” home devices that, once Googled, will be advertised to you for ever (#apparently #whoknows #notme). I push the cartridge through a block of red leicester – like taking a punch biopsy – then return it to the gun, and plug in to heat. The process “works” with any cheese – I pull the trigger and orange discharge wriggles forth on to Ryvita, where I write my name in coagulating fat. Then I draw some boobs, and then I’m out of ideas. Actively trying to doodle defeats the point, whatever the point of doodling with cheese is in the first place.”
posted by Fizz (66 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
 
" I push the cartridge through a block of red leicester – like taking a punch biopsy – then return it to the gun, and plug in to heat"

Huh. I could have done with this last year.
posted by Wordshore at 10:26 AM on May 19 [37 favorites]


I feel like this is something that was probably an SNL skit at some point in the past. And someone thought, “That's no joke. Challenge accepted.”

And here we are.
posted by Fizz at 10:28 AM on May 19 [5 favorites]


My immediate thought is that you can attach a CO2 cartridge to this to supercharge it and make an actually dangerous hot cheese gun but then I noticed the full moon was out and I was already half transformed into Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor as per the curse bestowed on me when Tim Allen bit me that time.
posted by griphus at 10:29 AM on May 19 [69 favorites]


whatever the point of doodling with cheese is in the first place

What? You've never heard of cheese doodles?
posted by Naberius at 10:32 AM on May 19 [6 favorites]


"Fondoodler" is a great name. It sounds like one of those words Dr. Seuss would make up to get his rhyme and rhythm on.
posted by Orlop at 10:36 AM on May 19 [4 favorites]


But, also, if you want to doodle with cheese, cheez in a can is the way to go.
posted by Orlop at 10:37 AM on May 19 [4 favorites]


I have one! It's as silly as he says it is and for that reason I love it.
posted by overhauser at 10:39 AM on May 19 [3 favorites]


I got one of these as a gag gift and it's almost impossible to control the cheese doodling and nearly impossible to clean. But, it's silly fun.
posted by BooneTheCowboyToy at 10:41 AM on May 19


I have one not for cheese but meant for extruding jerky made out of chuck meat and it made the grittiest and (visually) most turdlike jerky I have ever made and I haven't used it since.
posted by griphus at 10:41 AM on May 19 [4 favorites]


I own one.

I was just going to leave it at that, but I need to defend against the Fondoodler hate. Here is why it is great:

1) The name is really funny

2) I use it as a hot glue gun to assemble log cabins made of pretzel sticks. This is the best way to celebrate Lincoln's birthday. Or James Buchanan Day. Did you know 7 presidents lived in log cabins?

3) It also works with chocolate.

4) The name, seriously, Fondoodler. Get it? Because Fondue and Doodle. Get it? Funny, right?

So, in short, back off and leave me to my cheese doodling.
posted by blahblahblah at 10:41 AM on May 19 [39 favorites]


The "Fondoodler is Licensed by BuzzFeed, Inc." bit intrigues me.

The "All forms of cheese work" makes me suspect that the designers have a very limited understanding of cheese, though.
posted by effbot at 10:43 AM on May 19 [5 favorites]


The "Fondoodler is Licensed by BuzzFeed, Inc." bit intrigues me.

Gotta support journalism somehow, so why not a hot glue gun for cheese?
posted by me3dia at 10:45 AM on May 19 [6 favorites]


The perfect gift for my brother-in-law who has everything. It offers just the right mix of bewilderment, annoyance, and disgust. Merry Christmas!
posted by Capt. Renault at 10:46 AM on May 19 [3 favorites]


This will go great with my Egg Master!
posted by GuyZero at 10:47 AM on May 19 [8 favorites]


This will go great with my Egg Master!

*shudders*
posted by Fizz at 10:48 AM on May 19


🤘🤘Extruuuuuuude!!! 🤘🤘
posted by Burhanistan at 10:50 AM on May 19 [3 favorites]


Fondoodler, previously.
posted by phunniemee at 10:55 AM on May 19 [8 favorites]


I know it's supposed to be "Fondue + Doodler", but it reads more to me like "Fondle + Noodler". (or something like that, at least)

I'm not sure I want cheese involved in anything like the latter.
posted by CrystalDave at 11:03 AM on May 19 [2 favorites]


It works with CHOCOLATE!?

OK, sold.
posted by The otter lady at 11:05 AM on May 19 [1 favorite]


[I'm having the sort of Friday where I'm just gonna declare amnesty for a Fondooler double.]
posted by cortex at 11:08 AM on May 19 [42 favorites]


Pretty sure Dad just said we can shoot each other with molten cheese and have cotton candy for dinner as long as we let him nap on the couch.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:09 AM on May 19 [12 favorites]


This would be great for drawing patterns atop french onion soup with a cheese of a color and flavor to contrast the gruyere, or atop a cheese bread or cheese crackers pre-baking. Or for drawing ghosts atop cheeseburgers at Halloween for "Boo-Burgers" or nice cheddar stripes or roses atop of a beef pie's crust, smiley faces atop a grilled cheese... I can think of lots of nice things I can do to decorate savory dishes with this thing.
posted by Slap*Happy at 11:13 AM on May 19 [4 favorites]


fondübler
posted by griphus at 11:15 AM on May 19 [1 favorite]


The "All forms of cheese work" makes me suspect that the designers have a very limited understanding of cheese, though.

Let's see if we can get one of those vaguely Mythbuster-y YouTube personalities that goofs off with gadgets to really go to town on some casu marzu with this sucker.
posted by Copronymus at 11:18 AM on May 19


So wait, is this going to be one of those devices we make fun of and then we find out it was made for people with disabilities and we feel like shit for laughing at it, like the Slanket? I feel like we should figure that out first.
posted by holborne at 11:20 AM on May 19 [4 favorites]


This sort of thing is my bag, baby.
posted by ergomatic at 11:29 AM on May 19 [5 favorites]


the fondoodler sounds like a product invented and endorsed by ned flanders
posted by terretu at 11:33 AM on May 19 [3 favorites]


Can I just shoot it into my mouth and save a step?
posted by SansPoint at 11:35 AM on May 19


holborne, it seems more likely that a toddler left unsupervised with an unsecured Fondoodler will wind up with second degree burns over 50% of their body, and then we will feel like shit for laughing at it.
posted by ejs at 11:36 AM on May 19


The good thing is that it is impossible to misuse the Fondoodler.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:38 AM on May 19 [2 favorites]


Inspect A Gadget previously.

Also, I hereby instruct you to take the evening off and read every single review in the series. They're just pure joyful silliness.
posted by ambrosen at 11:40 AM on May 19 [13 favorites]


Sadly, the Fondoodler is the very first kitchen implement created with which an unattended toddler is able to inflict self-injury
posted by beerperson at 11:40 AM on May 19 [1 favorite]


Personally, I think it's far more likely the fondoodler will be used in a botched bank robbery, and the mixture of melted cheese and exploded dye packs will create a poisonous cloud that kill everyone in a five-mile radius.
posted by griphus at 11:41 AM on May 19 [1 favorite]


The good thing is that it is impossible to misuse the Fondoodler.

A challenge has been issued!
posted by Songdog at 11:41 AM on May 19


All attempts at extrusion are considered free speech expression and covered by the US Constitution; there are no wrong answers with Fondoodler.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:43 AM on May 19 [1 favorite]


Personally, I think it's far more likely the fondoodler will be used in a botched bank robbery, and the mixture of melted cheese and exploded dye packs will create a poisonous cloud that kill everyone in a five-mile radius.

This Point Break remake really got away from us
posted by beerperson at 11:45 AM on May 19 [15 favorites]


Yeah, all of Rhik's reviews are great. Probably the most consistently good feature on the Guardian.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 11:47 AM on May 19 [3 favorites]


Anything that makes gooey cheese out of actual quality cheese is okay in my book.

But a couple of weeks ago, I collated all the stuff I'd read about using corn starch as the emulsifier (rather than flour), looked at a bunch of recipes and, first, made a sharp cheddar, monetary jack, blue cheese mac'n'cheese that was really good and then, later just some nice, smooth cheese sauces. Mmm.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 12:05 PM on May 19 [1 favorite]


Meh. It's no lung gun.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 12:06 PM on May 19 [1 favorite]


"Fondoodler" sounds like a playground insult.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:16 PM on May 19


Anything that makes gooey cheese out of actual quality cheese is okay in my book.

I have a good friend whose favorite food in the world is melted cheese, she just bought a little raclette grill that works with tea lights like this. The Fondoodler is in the mail.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 12:17 PM on May 19 [6 favorites]


The "All forms of cheese work" makes me suspect that the designers have a very limited understanding of cheese, though

I'm sure it doesn't work great with really gooey runny cheeses, but you'd at least be able to dribble/spray liquified Camembert out the nozzle. But there are some cheeses that just don't melt, like halloumi or feta! Good luck fondoodling those!
posted by aubilenon at 12:19 PM on May 19 [2 favorites]


They will find me one day with my belt cinched tight around my upper arm, fondoodler sticking out from my forearm, sickly orange pallor to my skin...

Oh shit. What if Trump is an intravenous fondoodler junkie?
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:26 PM on May 19 [2 favorites]


you can attach a CO2 cartridge to this to supercharge it and make an actually dangerous hot cheese gun

OR

You could have a more elaborate mechanism that melts some cheese, injects it into a dart-shaped mold and chills it to the desired hardness, and then the co2 cartridge can force it through the nozzle/barrel so you could have a

CHEESE FLECHETTE GUN!!!

You could shoot the cheese darts right into diners' tummies! No more tedious mucking about with mouths!
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:41 PM on May 19 [4 favorites]


it was made for people with disabilities and we feel like shit for laughing at it, like the Slanket?

Five seconds of Googling brought up a page where Gary the Slanket inventor says he came up with the idea after trying to channel surf without taking his hands out of the sleeping bag.

(obviously, a sleeping bag with a built-in universal remote would be vastly superior. now where's my kickstarter login...)
posted by effbot at 12:44 PM on May 19 [2 favorites]


flecheese
posted by griphus at 12:52 PM on May 19 [1 favorite]


Now he can dual-wield it with his Smoking Gun! The cool factor seems as though it should even out between the Fondoodler and the portable smoker.

Rhik Samadder is one of the U.K.'s greatest treasures and I hope the Guardian subsidizes his in-depth studies of ridiculous food gadgetry forever.
posted by Rush-That-Speaks at 1:07 PM on May 19 [2 favorites]


I want this so I can draw obscene messages on hamburgers.
posted by spinifex23 at 1:14 PM on May 19 [2 favorites]


CHEESE FLECHETTE GUN!!!

As wielded by Racletteman!
posted by chavenet at 1:16 PM on May 19 [1 favorite]


I've always said that the only way to stop a bad guy with a cheese gun is a good guy with a cheese gun
posted by Ranucci at 1:27 PM on May 19 [4 favorites]


My immediate thought is that you can attach a CO2 cartridge to this to supercharge it and make an actually dangerous hot cheese gun but then I noticed the full moon was out and I was already half transformed into Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor as per the curse bestowed on me when Tim Allen bit me that time.

The only known cure is to bite him back, savagely, as his mantra demands.
posted by FatherDagon at 1:33 PM on May 19 [1 favorite]


Five seconds of Googling brought up a page where Gary the Slanket inventor says he came up with the idea after trying to channel surf without taking his hands out of the sleeping bag.

Yeah, thanks. Three more seconds of Googling brought up this, so.
posted by holborne at 1:37 PM on May 19


You should be extruding hot cheese and not arguing.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:41 PM on May 19 [2 favorites]


So yeah product review, verified owner here.

It works pretty great with some cheeses but cheddar is too oily, and a few kinds (looking square at you, string cheese)will gum it up mighty fast and then leak out all weird along the inside of the tube and make a gummy mess.

You'd think mozzarella would be OK but it seems too soft. You get a constant dribble out of the business end of the cheese gun, and that's not a euphemism. Colby though, that works pretty well and yes it will make a mean pretzel log cabin.
posted by caution live frogs at 1:44 PM on May 19 [3 favorites]


OMG, I think I need one.
posted by drnick at 3:33 PM on May 19


You deserve one.
posted by Burhanistan at 3:40 PM on May 19 [2 favorites]


The Fondoodler sounds like a machine that molests you with cheese
posted by clockzero at 5:34 PM on May 19 [8 favorites]


3D Cheese Printer for sure
posted by scruss at 5:37 PM on May 19


Another Verified Owner here.
This thing is great. Not an every day snack fountain, but definitely a kitchen tool that can wow the 6 years olds on sleepover.
And grand parents.
And college friends.
And neighbors.
And even the mailman (but I think he wanted to pee more than sample a bespoke nacho).
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:07 PM on May 19 [4 favorites]


Wasn't this on wait wait don't tell me as one of the three stories that all sound like tall tales but one is actually true?
posted by Tandem Affinity at 7:25 PM on May 19


Colby though, that works pretty well and yes it will make a mean pretzel log cabin.

What is that, a log cabin for ANTS?
posted by Literaryhero at 8:03 PM on May 19 [7 favorites]


Why do I see this showing up on a BDSM site for the lactose-intolerant?
posted by Samizdata at 8:18 PM on May 19 [3 favorites]


I've always said that the only way to stop a bad guy with a cheese gun is a good guy with a cheese gun

Absolutely. They'll have to pry my fondoodler from my hot, dead hands.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 12:24 AM on May 20 [3 favorites]


What is that, a log cabin for ANTS?

Presidants!
posted by chavenet at 3:04 AM on May 20 [5 favorites]


And all this time I was proving to the kids they were getting the exact same amount of cheese using a primitive food scale!
posted by tilde at 5:44 AM on May 20 [1 favorite]


I stopped by a friends house one evening on my way home from work because I really had to pee. Normally I would't just show up. After I was done in the lav, I walked into the front room and he had a Fondoodle on his coffee table, plugged in and loaded. No crackers. No bread. No chips. So was he shooting melted cheese directly into his mouth? I didn't ask.

Exactly the reason I never just show up with out calling first. You think you know your friends!
posted by james33 at 6:10 AM on May 20 [6 favorites]


« Older The Lifecycle of Software Objects   |   Come in Rose Gold, Space Grey, and Recyclable Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments