"...if you’re wealthy and ignorant enough, life never has to change..."
December 16, 2020 9:50 AM Subscribe
Drew Magary has put out this year's Hater's Guide to the Williams-Sonoma Catalog, and it is the thing of beauty that we have come to expect. Previously, with links to even previouslier.
SMEG
posted by Carillon at 10:00 AM on December 16, 2020 [18 favorites]
posted by Carillon at 10:00 AM on December 16, 2020 [18 favorites]
SMEG. Is it that people don't know, or that they do know? And act like they don't care because a luxury brand can afford to have that name?
posted by Countess Elena at 10:01 AM on December 16, 2020 [19 favorites]
posted by Countess Elena at 10:01 AM on December 16, 2020 [19 favorites]
SMEG: Smalterie Metallurgiche Emiliane Guastalla
posted by niicholas at 10:17 AM on December 16, 2020
posted by niicholas at 10:17 AM on December 16, 2020
I don't know, Countess Elena. My own introduction was Red Dwarf, or more specifically, the boyfriend-at-the-time who did not appreciate my calling him a smeghead.
TIL that the show's creators claim it was a made-up word for the show.
posted by Glinn at 10:19 AM on December 16, 2020 [5 favorites]
TIL that the show's creators claim it was a made-up word for the show.
posted by Glinn at 10:19 AM on December 16, 2020 [5 favorites]
...
...I want to make a cookie tree.
posted by betweenthebars at 10:21 AM on December 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
...I want to make a cookie tree.
posted by betweenthebars at 10:21 AM on December 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
The peppermint bark is almost worth it, though. I will get mine stenciled with the logo of the SMEG Working Group.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 10:26 AM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 10:26 AM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
OH YOU BETTER FUCKING BELIEVE THERE'LL BE TARTAN.
posted by box at 10:26 AM on December 16, 2020 [9 favorites]
posted by box at 10:26 AM on December 16, 2020 [9 favorites]
Is there a reason that the cutlery with the gold flatware is upside down? No seriously. Is this a thing?
posted by mcduff at 10:28 AM on December 16, 2020 [6 favorites]
posted by mcduff at 10:28 AM on December 16, 2020 [6 favorites]
The heck of it is, peppermint bark is hella-easy to DIY. And if you are a little more kitchen-confident, Binging With Babish shows how to DIY the Mandalorian Macarons. And yes, charging that much for slice-and-bake cookies is obscene.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:31 AM on December 16, 2020 [9 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:31 AM on December 16, 2020 [9 favorites]
This is peak "I have to buy presents for people I hardly know so I'll buy them some expensive crap from an expensive catalog." It's this attitude that keeps shrinking my Grinch heart every year. I keep trying to explain to my wife that buying random shit for every person in her 30+ person extended family is crazy, especially since fully half of them are narcissistic assholes who now EXPECT gifts every year.
Even worse is the "I don't know you at all but feel obligated to buy you something so here's an Amazon gift card." No, no, no. If you don't know someone well enough to come up with a personalized gift, you don't know them well enough to get them a gift. Period.
posted by ensign_ricky at 10:38 AM on December 16, 2020 [14 favorites]
Even worse is the "I don't know you at all but feel obligated to buy you something so here's an Amazon gift card." No, no, no. If you don't know someone well enough to come up with a personalized gift, you don't know them well enough to get them a gift. Period.
posted by ensign_ricky at 10:38 AM on December 16, 2020 [14 favorites]
This kinda joke just seems dreary. There's no winner. No one to punch up or down at. Just a materialistic sad void in the middle of multiple catastrophes. Do I hope the copy-editor hangs themselves a little less than I hope the target audience does? Maybe? I don't even know anymore. But there's no more chuckles to be wrung from this fuckery. No laughs in the void.
posted by es_de_bah at 10:41 AM on December 16, 2020 [29 favorites]
posted by es_de_bah at 10:41 AM on December 16, 2020 [29 favorites]
mcduff, Miss Manners has described some bit of pre-1850 design fiddlery for which you lay the flatware convex-side-up —
But I think the catalog is showing a hex on the diner. Possibly a cry for help from the photography staff.
posted by clew at 10:55 AM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
But I think the catalog is showing a hex on the diner. Possibly a cry for help from the photography staff.
posted by clew at 10:55 AM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
TIL that the show's creators claim it was a made-up word for the show.
I always assumed it was short for smegma.
posted by BWA at 10:55 AM on December 16, 2020 [19 favorites]
I always assumed it was short for smegma.
posted by BWA at 10:55 AM on December 16, 2020 [19 favorites]
Yeah, did it have any other meaning *besides* that?
posted by notsnot at 10:59 AM on December 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by notsnot at 10:59 AM on December 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
Oh man, my sister owns a Jura coffee maker that she bought second hand. it does make a damn fine hands-free cappuccino.
posted by OHenryPacey at 11:01 AM on December 16, 2020
posted by OHenryPacey at 11:01 AM on December 16, 2020
ITEM #35-4296872 – PEPPERMINT BARK TRIO DOG TIN
Do not anger the pun gods with such frippery.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 11:07 AM on December 16, 2020 [9 favorites]
Do not anger the pun gods with such frippery.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 11:07 AM on December 16, 2020 [9 favorites]
The peppermint bark is almost worth it, though.
Trader Joe's sells what I believe is the same, identical bark (in a tin even). You'd have to personalize it yourself, but I think the money difference will buy you a lot of masking tape and sharpies.
posted by Mchelly at 11:08 AM on December 16, 2020 [13 favorites]
Trader Joe's sells what I believe is the same, identical bark (in a tin even). You'd have to personalize it yourself, but I think the money difference will buy you a lot of masking tape and sharpies.
posted by Mchelly at 11:08 AM on December 16, 2020 [13 favorites]
Some asshole who’s never satisfied with just a beer does aptly describe many cocktail enthusiasts, tho.
posted by maxwelton at 11:24 AM on December 16, 2020
posted by maxwelton at 11:24 AM on December 16, 2020
Yesterday my kettle crapped out so I went looking online and found this $650 (msrp $759) electric kettle. But, hey, free shipping!
posted by sjswitzer at 11:37 AM on December 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by sjswitzer at 11:37 AM on December 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
I wish I'd thought to weaponize my loathing for mindless culinary frippery.
posted by winesong at 11:37 AM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by winesong at 11:37 AM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
I wonder how they refer to the matriarch of the SMEG industrialist clan.
posted by ardgedee at 11:44 AM on December 16, 2020 [12 favorites]
posted by ardgedee at 11:44 AM on December 16, 2020 [12 favorites]
I think the silverware is upside down to indicate that it is the diner themselves who are the meal.
posted by phooky at 11:45 AM on December 16, 2020 [14 favorites]
posted by phooky at 11:45 AM on December 16, 2020 [14 favorites]
I've been waiting for this, and will savor it tonight.
posted by gauche at 11:46 AM on December 16, 2020
posted by gauche at 11:46 AM on December 16, 2020
"I’m no stranger to this kind of superficiality. I grew up in Minnesota, man. I know how to be a fake piece of shit like the rest of them.
Keeping silent about unpleasantries does have its advantages. If I keep the mask on long enough, I can forget—albeit briefly—that I live in a deeply fucked up country. But only a legitimate psychopath could pull off that trick THIS year. You’re telling me you can forget all your troubles with a $30 set of olive picks? Well then, Georgia has a senate seat waiting for you. But as far as I’m concerned, you can get the fuck out of my house and go die in a ditch."
It matters not if you care for this style of hate-writing, Drew is the Absolute Master, and this is just FACT.
posted by mcstayinskool at 11:53 AM on December 16, 2020 [21 favorites]
Keeping silent about unpleasantries does have its advantages. If I keep the mask on long enough, I can forget—albeit briefly—that I live in a deeply fucked up country. But only a legitimate psychopath could pull off that trick THIS year. You’re telling me you can forget all your troubles with a $30 set of olive picks? Well then, Georgia has a senate seat waiting for you. But as far as I’m concerned, you can get the fuck out of my house and go die in a ditch."
It matters not if you care for this style of hate-writing, Drew is the Absolute Master, and this is just FACT.
posted by mcstayinskool at 11:53 AM on December 16, 2020 [21 favorites]
Hmm. I used to find these funny. Is it me? Is it him? Was it 2020? Not sure, but listening to men be misanthropic and make a joke about how the only money worth spending gets his dick hard is just not my cup of tea anymore.
posted by FirstMateKate at 11:54 AM on December 16, 2020 [20 favorites]
posted by FirstMateKate at 11:54 AM on December 16, 2020 [20 favorites]
Hmm. I used to find these funny. Is it me? Is it him? Was it 2020?
His commentary fell flat for me too, but the catalog itself and prices were pretty funny.
Oh man, my sister owns a Jura coffee maker that she bought second hand. it does make a damn fine hands-free cappuccino.
The office has one, which I think is a $2500 model. For a workplace full of engineers, it's probably more than paid for itself in productivity gains. Not so much this year though, since we're all working from home.
posted by Foosnark at 12:08 PM on December 16, 2020
His commentary fell flat for me too, but the catalog itself and prices were pretty funny.
Oh man, my sister owns a Jura coffee maker that she bought second hand. it does make a damn fine hands-free cappuccino.
The office has one, which I think is a $2500 model. For a workplace full of engineers, it's probably more than paid for itself in productivity gains. Not so much this year though, since we're all working from home.
posted by Foosnark at 12:08 PM on December 16, 2020
The peppermint bark is almost worth it, though.
Until you work for an employer that kills all bonuses below executive level in spite of making record profits (in order to pad the balance sheets to sell the organization the following year) and thinks that is it appropriate to offer up a $30.00 tin of Williams-Sonoma peppermint bark instead. I have never seen him so angry. I could not even keep the tin (which would have been useful for bits and bobs) as he insisted on throwing it out.
The following year I made a crack about putting a bar of it in his stocking. It did not go over well, I am officially forbidden from purchasing and bringing it into our house, not even if it is on sale. Fascinating to see a last stand over Williams-Sonoma Peppermint Bark.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 12:10 PM on December 16, 2020 [16 favorites]
Until you work for an employer that kills all bonuses below executive level in spite of making record profits (in order to pad the balance sheets to sell the organization the following year) and thinks that is it appropriate to offer up a $30.00 tin of Williams-Sonoma peppermint bark instead. I have never seen him so angry. I could not even keep the tin (which would have been useful for bits and bobs) as he insisted on throwing it out.
The following year I made a crack about putting a bar of it in his stocking. It did not go over well, I am officially forbidden from purchasing and bringing it into our house, not even if it is on sale. Fascinating to see a last stand over Williams-Sonoma Peppermint Bark.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 12:10 PM on December 16, 2020 [16 favorites]
"Buy a yacht and become an enraged alcoholic like a respectable one percenter already."
Done.
posted by valkane at 12:13 PM on December 16, 2020 [6 favorites]
Done.
posted by valkane at 12:13 PM on December 16, 2020 [6 favorites]
Reminds me how much I miss Beast’s 50 Most Loathsome People in America List
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 12:31 PM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 12:31 PM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
I don't know, "lazy boomer egg pie" just might have to be my new Twitter handle.
posted by jeremias at 1:03 PM on December 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by jeremias at 1:03 PM on December 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
Pretty sure "Baron von Crystal Landsnatcher VII" is still available as a user name.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 1:14 PM on December 16, 2020 [11 favorites]
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 1:14 PM on December 16, 2020 [11 favorites]
Like betweenthebars, I want to make a cookie tree, and fortunately my go-to site for mindless culinary frippery in the UK, the Lakeland catalogue has the cutters for £4.99. But since I'm spending this Christmas alone, I would have to construct and eat it on my own, which is feasible, but probably not advisable.
posted by Fuchsoid at 1:34 PM on December 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by Fuchsoid at 1:34 PM on December 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
I'm making six pounds of fudge which will cost about ten bucks in ingredients. I swear it is the absolute cheapest high-octane treat, just requiring a smidge of skill and attentiveness in the stove. It's always funny though seeing the fudge vendors at the [uncial]Christmas Market[/uncial] selling six ounce slabs for tenne bucks an each, three for twentye-five. Funny in a quietly weeping way as the queues are always long.
Does WS sell fudge? I bet it's like fifty dollars a pound.
posted by seanmpuckett at 1:39 PM on December 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
Does WS sell fudge? I bet it's like fifty dollars a pound.
posted by seanmpuckett at 1:39 PM on December 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
We have a lot of rich people in this country and the sole mission of those rich people is NOT to get laid as often as is humanly possible, which would be my personal game plan for obscene wealth.
I have to agree with this.
posted by medusa at 1:44 PM on December 16, 2020 [4 favorites]
I have to agree with this.
posted by medusa at 1:44 PM on December 16, 2020 [4 favorites]
Peppermint bark fudge is $29.95 for five ounces, or... $95.84 a pound? Holy shit.
posted by box at 1:46 PM on December 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by box at 1:46 PM on December 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
We have a lot of rich people in this country and the sole mission of those rich people is NOT to get laid as often as is humanly possible, which would be my personal game plan for obscene wealth. No no, their only interest is in finding the perfect cup of coffee. That’s the dragon they prefer to chase.
No one got crabs from a bad mocha.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 2:16 PM on December 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
No one got crabs from a bad mocha.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 2:16 PM on December 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
I don't think I read this last year so this was the first year I read it after having gotten deep into the home espresso hobby. Still, it stung, especially seeing the grinder I just got in what (to my eyes) looked like a very reasonable home espresso setup. Like, almost the polar opposite of a $4500 superauto.
posted by supercres at 2:23 PM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by supercres at 2:23 PM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
My personal version of this is horror-browsing Goldbelly. Some stuff on there could be legitimately fun to be able to get from a regional star restaurant, but there are also many things that are both grotesque, and or ridiculously overpriced.
As a result, all of my targeted adds are either for scallion pancakes that are $18 each, or the eldritch horror that is the maple bacon cro-nut.
And I click every time I see them, just to browse what new trainwreck has been added.
( I get that there are lots of places without interesting food options, but the choices on Goldbelly are (1) about 300% marked up and (2) a baffling array of things that are a good idea on paper, but not in fact. I'm sure Goldbelly has some lovely options, but it also has dumpster fires galore!)
posted by mercredi at 2:25 PM on December 16, 2020 [4 favorites]
As a result, all of my targeted adds are either for scallion pancakes that are $18 each, or the eldritch horror that is the maple bacon cro-nut.
And I click every time I see them, just to browse what new trainwreck has been added.
( I get that there are lots of places without interesting food options, but the choices on Goldbelly are (1) about 300% marked up and (2) a baffling array of things that are a good idea on paper, but not in fact. I'm sure Goldbelly has some lovely options, but it also has dumpster fires galore!)
posted by mercredi at 2:25 PM on December 16, 2020 [4 favorites]
Goldbelly, on multiple occasions, has successfully delivered to me, on the Left Coast, good New York chopped liver and pickled herring. I am willing to pay a small premium to get those reminders of my bubbe and zayde.
posted by hanov3r at 2:38 PM on December 16, 2020 [5 favorites]
posted by hanov3r at 2:38 PM on December 16, 2020 [5 favorites]
hanov3r, yes, those types of things are amazing, and why I was not trashing Goldbelly wholesale! It has very high high notes, and very low low notes, and those might vary person to person.
posted by mercredi at 2:41 PM on December 16, 2020
posted by mercredi at 2:41 PM on December 16, 2020
Six hundred dollars for a blender?!
I use an old Kenwood Mini. Its origins are lost in the depths of family history, but it may be the one that once belonged to my grandma. In 1970 they cost £6.17s.6d.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 2:44 PM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
I use an old Kenwood Mini. Its origins are lost in the depths of family history, but it may be the one that once belonged to my grandma. In 1970 they cost £6.17s.6d.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 2:44 PM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
"If I’m going to a brunch, there better be eggs, bacon, pancakes, waffles, pastries, donuts, bagels, smoked fish, and a prime rib carving station. "
I mean, he's not wrong, but Drew seems to have forgotten that the entire point of brunch is to get tanked on mimosas.
posted by soundguy99 at 2:46 PM on December 16, 2020 [9 favorites]
I mean, he's not wrong, but Drew seems to have forgotten that the entire point of brunch is to get tanked on mimosas.
posted by soundguy99 at 2:46 PM on December 16, 2020 [9 favorites]
Oh man, my sister owns a Jura coffee maker that she bought second hand. it does make a damn fine hands-free cappuccino.
The office has one, which I think is a $2500 model
My former workplace had two of the £4500 models. They were a disaster. One of them broke down twelve times in the first nine months. The nozzles kept falling off. The drip tray could not be removed without inundating the whole kitchen in dark, viscous coffee slag. And if you wanted decaf, you had to spoon it in yourself, and you then had about a 40% chance of the machine not recognising that you had added it at all, and making you full-caffeine coffee anyway.
After a year, the Head of Facilities announced to everyone's relief that they were being removed, and would be replaced. Sure enough, they were duly replaced... by two more £4500 Jura machines of exactly the same type.
In reply to the inevitable extensive negative reaction, she explained that 'the decision had been taken by senior management and was out of her hands'.
She did ask me what I would have done. I sent her this video.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 2:58 PM on December 16, 2020 [6 favorites]
The office has one, which I think is a $2500 model
My former workplace had two of the £4500 models. They were a disaster. One of them broke down twelve times in the first nine months. The nozzles kept falling off. The drip tray could not be removed without inundating the whole kitchen in dark, viscous coffee slag. And if you wanted decaf, you had to spoon it in yourself, and you then had about a 40% chance of the machine not recognising that you had added it at all, and making you full-caffeine coffee anyway.
After a year, the Head of Facilities announced to everyone's relief that they were being removed, and would be replaced. Sure enough, they were duly replaced... by two more £4500 Jura machines of exactly the same type.
In reply to the inevitable extensive negative reaction, she explained that 'the decision had been taken by senior management and was out of her hands'.
She did ask me what I would have done. I sent her this video.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 2:58 PM on December 16, 2020 [6 favorites]
I can't help but picture a W-S copywriter reading this, then checking her bank balance. And then laughing and laughing and laughing.
posted by scratch at 3:06 PM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by scratch at 3:06 PM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
I can't help but picture a W-S copywriter reading this, then checking her bank balance. And then laughing and laughing and laughing.
Ah! But knowing someone who works for W-S writing copy etc, I suspect it's more like 3-4 highly underpaid/overworked employees (*) working against a deadline that had to be met four months ago.
(*) - yes, probably women, as the majority of W-S employees are.
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 3:27 PM on December 16, 2020 [14 favorites]
sigh, naturally it's paywalled. EVERY TRADITION MUST DIE.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 3:46 PM on December 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 3:46 PM on December 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
1. Correction from spouse: the tin of peppermint bark came after the company had been sold and the new contracts removed bonuses for non-executive employees.
2. I shared with spouse the fact that Williams-Sonoma is selling Star Wars themed macarons this year. His response "I guess that is what employees of [former employer] will be receiving as a bonus this year.
3. Star Wars themed macarons. WTF????????????
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 3:49 PM on December 16, 2020
2. I shared with spouse the fact that Williams-Sonoma is selling Star Wars themed macarons this year. His response "I guess that is what employees of [former employer] will be receiving as a bonus this year.
3. Star Wars themed macarons. WTF????????????
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 3:49 PM on December 16, 2020
I have never had macarons, they don't look that appetizing to me. The Mandalorian episode they reference included Grogu dribbling blue crumbs all over then vomiting blue as well. And now you can remember that epic TV moment, yay!
posted by emjaybee at 4:37 PM on December 16, 2020
posted by emjaybee at 4:37 PM on December 16, 2020
Does SMEG make mugs? I really need a SMEG mug personalized for "Dick."
posted by Quasimike at 4:43 PM on December 16, 2020 [4 favorites]
posted by Quasimike at 4:43 PM on December 16, 2020 [4 favorites]
Star Wars themed macarons. WTF????????????
Sold out Star Wars themed macarons!
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 4:58 PM on December 16, 2020
Sold out Star Wars themed macarons!
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 4:58 PM on December 16, 2020
I wonder how they refer to the matriarch of the SMEG industrialist clan.
I was wondering if they allowed personalization. If I could put "Ma!" on the other side of one of their products, I would be very close to purchasing something for my mother. She's that perfect balance of discreet and subversive where she would take it to work and never mention it. If anyone mentioned, she would say, "Huh. Didn't think of that."
Wonder where I got it from....
posted by a non mouse, a cow herd at 5:14 PM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
I was wondering if they allowed personalization. If I could put "Ma!" on the other side of one of their products, I would be very close to purchasing something for my mother. She's that perfect balance of discreet and subversive where she would take it to work and never mention it. If anyone mentioned, she would say, "Huh. Didn't think of that."
Wonder where I got it from....
posted by a non mouse, a cow herd at 5:14 PM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
I feel like maybe the last one of these that D-Mags did, I was vaguely resentful at the mockery because of that lingering desire on my part to occasionally get some overpriced fancy-lad merch so that I might feel fancy for a few evanescent minutes. This year, though, I appreciate his reiteration of "Butter-rich shortbread dough." FFS, shortbread is just butter, flour, and sugar. What, someone's adding a bit more butter, or they're just enchanted that it has butter at all?
Also, I want a 16 oz SMEG mug to bring to work, just to see the expression on people's faces when they see it. "Oh, it's an old Italian firm. Why? Does it mean something else in another language?" Take a big sip out of it, never breaking eye contact. OK, I'd never actually do that, but still.
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:22 PM on December 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
Also, I want a 16 oz SMEG mug to bring to work, just to see the expression on people's faces when they see it. "Oh, it's an old Italian firm. Why? Does it mean something else in another language?" Take a big sip out of it, never breaking eye contact. OK, I'd never actually do that, but still.
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:22 PM on December 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
Sold out Star Wars themed macarons!
The customer photos in the reviews are amazing! $50 for literal crumbs.
posted by betweenthebars at 5:43 PM on December 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
The customer photos in the reviews are amazing! $50 for literal crumbs.
posted by betweenthebars at 5:43 PM on December 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
"Butter-rich shortbread dough."
I interpret that as "contains some butter but also some other shortening". If it’s all butter but adjective-fortified, they made it sound less swank.
posted by clew at 5:56 PM on December 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
I interpret that as "contains some butter but also some other shortening". If it’s all butter but adjective-fortified, they made it sound less swank.
posted by clew at 5:56 PM on December 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
Do you suppose Disney paid W-S for the macaron tie in, or the other way around?
posted by clew at 5:57 PM on December 16, 2020
posted by clew at 5:57 PM on December 16, 2020
Hmm. I used to find these funny. Is it me? Is it him? Was it 2020?
I got a few schadenfreude-tinged chuckles but I had a similar reaction. It reminded of how I couldn't watch horror movies/shows (even though I'm a lifelong fan) for a year or so after our current president's inauguration. Even though this is punching up (at least from the perspective of my station in life), my capacity for any punching at anyone but the very real fascists who've been openly attempting a very real coup ever since the election feels... I dunno, bruised? Depleted?
posted by treepour at 6:07 PM on December 16, 2020 [9 favorites]
I got a few schadenfreude-tinged chuckles but I had a similar reaction. It reminded of how I couldn't watch horror movies/shows (even though I'm a lifelong fan) for a year or so after our current president's inauguration. Even though this is punching up (at least from the perspective of my station in life), my capacity for any punching at anyone but the very real fascists who've been openly attempting a very real coup ever since the election feels... I dunno, bruised? Depleted?
posted by treepour at 6:07 PM on December 16, 2020 [9 favorites]
Do you suppose Disney paid W-S for the macaron tie in, or the other way around?
One must assume that The House of the Mouse always gets its tithe. However for those with baking skills this is the way.
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 6:11 PM on December 16, 2020
One must assume that The House of the Mouse always gets its tithe. However for those with baking skills this is the way.
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 6:11 PM on December 16, 2020
I got a vitamix from Costco and it’s totally worth it. The 500 dollars gets you a blender that will never break and a super powerful motor. Nothing fancy there.
posted by MisantropicPainforest at 6:58 PM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by MisantropicPainforest at 6:58 PM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
This is peak "I have to buy presents for people I hardly know so I'll buy them some expensive crap from an expensive catalog."
Having spent too much of my life being rich-adjacent, the weirdest, saddest part of this must-gift charade is that other wealthy people have no need or want for these things. So they end up getting repackaged and regifted to the help - babysitter, housekeeper, landscaper, assistant. The most insulting part of that is that you can often still see shreds of the tape and bow from the original giving still clinging on.
When I was a broke babysitter or young teacher I was happy enough to accept regifted Harry and David. Seems sad to me now. I really would have just appreciated a living wage.
posted by Miko at 7:00 PM on December 16, 2020 [15 favorites]
Another non-ironic vote for expensive blenders. My daughter has a g-tube and since her heart surgery (at four months, she's doing great, pediatric heart surgeons are amazing) has gotten more than half her calories from blended normal food which must be rendered into a smooth paste or the pump will clog and beep at you incessantly. The blender is key to this not sending you to crazy town. We have a Blendtec that shows over 1000 blends and we are still using the original blade+jar. It is one of my favorite "oh god i can't really spend $700 on that, can i" purchase of my life. Zero buyers remorse. And the blade is blunt and can't cut you which is awesome. It is a texture obliterator, instead of a food slicer.
posted by pol at 7:11 PM on December 16, 2020 [16 favorites]
posted by pol at 7:11 PM on December 16, 2020 [16 favorites]
Can I get a SMEG mug personalized with the name 'Santorum'?
posted by joseph_elmhurst at 9:25 PM on December 16, 2020 [5 favorites]
posted by joseph_elmhurst at 9:25 PM on December 16, 2020 [5 favorites]
Parodies of skymall work better. RIP skymall.
Like, it is just some expensive snacks. This is just making fun of upscale Hickory Farms.
Maybe I am salty because I bought a very expensive waffle iron from there last month. They had a nice no contact-pickup. It makes some damn fine waffles.
posted by temancl at 11:13 PM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
Like, it is just some expensive snacks. This is just making fun of upscale Hickory Farms.
Maybe I am salty because I bought a very expensive waffle iron from there last month. They had a nice no contact-pickup. It makes some damn fine waffles.
posted by temancl at 11:13 PM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
A mini dutch oven is so cute though...ah well, this commentary is tired
posted by yueliang at 11:41 PM on December 16, 2020
posted by yueliang at 11:41 PM on December 16, 2020
Where's the milk, honey?
It's in the SMEG, Ma!
posted by chavenet at 1:07 AM on December 17, 2020 [1 favorite]
It's in the SMEG, Ma!
posted by chavenet at 1:07 AM on December 17, 2020 [1 favorite]
OK, I want to get in on the snark but I am literally snacking on homemade brioche that required orange blossom water as an ingredient and which I baked in a decorative ceramic mold (it was a gift, I swear!) and I had to borrow the orange blossom water from a friend but I knew she had some because I had given her a bottle so that she could make a Moroccan recipe after someone gifted her a fancy tagine so maybe I should just keep my damn mouth shut.
posted by Nerd of the North at 2:40 AM on December 17, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by Nerd of the North at 2:40 AM on December 17, 2020 [3 favorites]
The W-S catalog is ridiculous, but I have to say one of the generous wedding presents my wife and I received years ago was a W-S gift card, and we used it to buy a nice set of champagne glasses, ridiculously fussy beer glasses and a box of chocolate truffles. It was fun to splurge.
posted by emelenjr at 4:33 AM on December 17, 2020
posted by emelenjr at 4:33 AM on December 17, 2020
feasible, but probably not advisable.
MY ETHOS!
posted by srboisvert at 4:36 AM on December 17, 2020 [6 favorites]
MY ETHOS!
posted by srboisvert at 4:36 AM on December 17, 2020 [6 favorites]
Having spent too much of my life being rich-adjacent, the weirdest, saddest part of this must-gift charade is that other wealthy people have no need or want for these things. So they end up getting repackaged and regifted to the help - babysitter, housekeeper, landscaper, assistant. The most insulting part of that is that you can often still see shreds of the tape and bow from the original giving still clinging on.
My parents once received a re-gift of an item they had gifted 3 years early. The best part? It still had the Christmas gift tag from my parents on it. If I had more fun relatives I would have lobbied for the ritual passing of the never opened fancy kettle becoming a family thing where it would gradually accrete more and more gift tags until the packaging was completely obscured.
(I did get the exact same Christmas card from my parents for about 15 years because my mom bought a box of them and after the second identical card she decided it was funny and reserved them for me.)
posted by srboisvert at 4:45 AM on December 17, 2020 [2 favorites]
My parents once received a re-gift of an item they had gifted 3 years early. The best part? It still had the Christmas gift tag from my parents on it. If I had more fun relatives I would have lobbied for the ritual passing of the never opened fancy kettle becoming a family thing where it would gradually accrete more and more gift tags until the packaging was completely obscured.
(I did get the exact same Christmas card from my parents for about 15 years because my mom bought a box of them and after the second identical card she decided it was funny and reserved them for me.)
posted by srboisvert at 4:45 AM on December 17, 2020 [2 favorites]
A mini dutch oven is so cute though...
Yeah, but you can spend WAY less than $400 to get one, and you don't need to have one to make bread.
That's his point, y'all, not the items themselves, but the fact that a lot of them are hideously overpriced. I mean, I seriously got a mini dutch oven for ten bucks at a yard sale, and yes it is cute, but what's cuter is the other $390 that stayed in my bank.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:46 AM on December 17, 2020 [4 favorites]
Yeah, but you can spend WAY less than $400 to get one, and you don't need to have one to make bread.
That's his point, y'all, not the items themselves, but the fact that a lot of them are hideously overpriced. I mean, I seriously got a mini dutch oven for ten bucks at a yard sale, and yes it is cute, but what's cuter is the other $390 that stayed in my bank.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:46 AM on December 17, 2020 [4 favorites]
I have to say I miss the Williams-Sonoma store that closed down here a few years ago. There is really no other place locally that has the same selection of high-end knives, pots and pans, and kitchen electrics that they did. I know I can order that stuff online, but I really like to be able to look at it in person; get a feel for how sturdy it is, the ergonomics of the controls, how it feels in my hand. You just can't do that from a picture. Having said that, it is clear that a lot of their income is from people who use their $250.00 saucepan to heat up $15.00/jar pasta sauce, perhaps on a $10,000.00 designer SMEG stove. Ridiculing those folks and the marketing that caters to them is fine with me.
posted by TedW at 5:57 AM on December 17, 2020
posted by TedW at 5:57 AM on December 17, 2020
SMEG: a whipped topping AND a floor wax!
posted by Billiken at 6:01 AM on December 17, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by Billiken at 6:01 AM on December 17, 2020 [2 favorites]
Many years ago a relative gave me a ridiculous tartan tablecloth-and-napkin set from W-S but through the magic of gift receipts it was transformed into a Bamix immersion blender that is powerful and well made and I use it at least once a week. There is good stuff among all the ridiculousness.
posted by Daily Alice at 6:52 AM on December 17, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by Daily Alice at 6:52 AM on December 17, 2020 [2 favorites]
And now after my comment above, SMEG stand mixers are showing up in my Facebook feed. Even though I have MeFI and FB open on two totally different devices. Creepy. But also something I would never actually buy, even if that ugly-ass thing is on sale for only $1500.00
posted by TedW at 7:19 AM on December 17, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by TedW at 7:19 AM on December 17, 2020 [2 favorites]
Many years ago a relative gave me a ridiculous tartan tablecloth-and-napkin set from W-S but through the magic of gift receipts it was transformed into a Bamix immersion blender that is powerful and well made and I use it at least once a week. There is good stuff among all the ridiculousness.
My wife scoffed when I asked for a $120 Bamix for Christmas one year. 20 years later, there's a lot less scoff from her when I point out that our friends who purchased multiple cheaper immersion blenders are now on either a Bamix or on their 6th cheap immersion blender. Sometimes the "buy the best you can afford" adage does actually work. It's a simple, well-built piece of hardware that I expect will probably work another 20 years.
What's a little sad is that I think most people want the "simple but good" stuff. But marketing and sales goes all "look, our blender has a display that times things and shows you the relative pH of what you're blending and it's got sparkly lights and comes in bright pink so that it matches all of your other appliances." And then we get sparkly crap that breaks after 6 months.
posted by ensign_ricky at 7:23 AM on December 17, 2020 [3 favorites]
My wife scoffed when I asked for a $120 Bamix for Christmas one year. 20 years later, there's a lot less scoff from her when I point out that our friends who purchased multiple cheaper immersion blenders are now on either a Bamix or on their 6th cheap immersion blender. Sometimes the "buy the best you can afford" adage does actually work. It's a simple, well-built piece of hardware that I expect will probably work another 20 years.
What's a little sad is that I think most people want the "simple but good" stuff. But marketing and sales goes all "look, our blender has a display that times things and shows you the relative pH of what you're blending and it's got sparkly lights and comes in bright pink so that it matches all of your other appliances." And then we get sparkly crap that breaks after 6 months.
posted by ensign_ricky at 7:23 AM on December 17, 2020 [3 favorites]
Maybe this year's version doesn't cause as much joy because that anyone who is buying a set of fancy cocktail picks or a cookie tree will be entertaining which is a terrifying thought during this particular year.
posted by vespabelle at 7:32 AM on December 17, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by vespabelle at 7:32 AM on December 17, 2020 [3 favorites]
Every year there's something in Drew's rant that I actually want, and this year it's that Breville countertop oven. I bought a tiny cheap countertop oven for making tiny portions of things and it sucks so now I want a fancy expensive countertop oven for making tiny portions of things. I'm pretty sure there are places you can buy it for less than W-S, tho.
posted by jacquilynne at 9:15 AM on December 17, 2020
posted by jacquilynne at 9:15 AM on December 17, 2020
Ahhhh. This was the belly laugh I needed this week. $4000 espresso maker, indeed.
(re: the fancy cocktail picks at $30 for 6... You can get sets of 12 for $10-$12 depending on size and finish from A Bar Above. Quite pleased with mine that I got along with a mixing glass and bar spoon....)
posted by dnash at 9:25 AM on December 17, 2020
(re: the fancy cocktail picks at $30 for 6... You can get sets of 12 for $10-$12 depending on size and finish from A Bar Above. Quite pleased with mine that I got along with a mixing glass and bar spoon....)
posted by dnash at 9:25 AM on December 17, 2020
To me the the unfortunate part about laughing at the $4500 superauto espresso machine (so grinder+brewer) is that even home enthusiast models get way more intense. Like, that's literally a third of the price of Brian Lam's home setup, which I guess is reasonable when you sell your website to the NYT. That's what people with yachts buy, not the poor guy with a Niche and a Breville whose tweet got embedded.
posted by supercres at 12:34 PM on December 17, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by supercres at 12:34 PM on December 17, 2020 [1 favorite]
mercredi, thank you for the pointer to those Maple-Glazed Bacon Croissant Donuts. The side view of that is... certifiably an eldritch abomination indeed.
posted by doctornemo at 1:20 PM on December 17, 2020
posted by doctornemo at 1:20 PM on December 17, 2020
There's plenty of W-S stuff that is actually decent and not overpriced; it's just that the Christmas catalog highlights both the sickness if the season and of twits with more money than sense/taste.
posted by aspersioncast at 3:09 PM on December 17, 2020
posted by aspersioncast at 3:09 PM on December 17, 2020
Optimistically, vespabelle, this year especially I could eat a cookie tree by myself. It would give me strength to make a croquemboche.
posted by clew at 3:50 PM on December 17, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by clew at 3:50 PM on December 17, 2020 [3 favorites]
jacquilynne, I have (a few years older version of) the breville toaster oven and LOVE it. It’s especially great in the summer because you can still bake/cook things without turning on the big hot box aka regular oven and heating up your entire house to a billion degrees. We default to it for most things, and really only use the regular oven if what we’re cooking won’t fit into the breville.
posted by Bunny Boneyology at 6:04 PM on December 17, 2020
posted by Bunny Boneyology at 6:04 PM on December 17, 2020
I appreciate that he admitted he'd eat the shit out of the winter wonderland büche de Noel, because that was the one item that I was like, "hmm that's clearly an unreasonable price but it IS Christmas."
posted by joannemerriam at 6:21 PM on December 17, 2020
posted by joannemerriam at 6:21 PM on December 17, 2020
I just listened to The Distraction podcast (not sure how to link to a podcast episode). Its a nice companion to the article and Drew Magary agrees with me about the entertaining non-mask wearing people who will buy this stuff.
posted by vespabelle at 7:00 PM on December 17, 2020
posted by vespabelle at 7:00 PM on December 17, 2020
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posted by soundguy99 at 9:59 AM on December 16, 2020 [18 favorites]