I like things that I like
April 17, 2023 8:33 AM Subscribe
+1 i like it!
posted by rude.boy at 9:08 AM on April 17, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by rude.boy at 9:08 AM on April 17, 2023 [1 favorite]
I like it! There was an article a few years back about how to train kids in science/sex ed/etc. to stop saying ewww/gross and instead say "that's interesting!" ... I honestly don't mind this kind of positive-washing, what might be yuck to you could very well be bread and butter to someone else.
posted by furtive at 9:31 AM on April 17, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by furtive at 9:31 AM on April 17, 2023 [4 favorites]
what ho, ye know-it-alls, your days of terror are at an end
posted by BungaDunga at 9:40 AM on April 17, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by BungaDunga at 9:40 AM on April 17, 2023 [5 favorites]
The good thing about someone calling something you like "basic" or something similar is that you now never have to take anything they say seriously every again.
posted by star gentle uterus at 9:41 AM on April 17, 2023 [11 favorites]
posted by star gentle uterus at 9:41 AM on April 17, 2023 [11 favorites]
New Samantha Irby book soon! *dancedancedance* She narrates her own audiobooks and does a very good job, fyi.
This is good advice. Works just as well if the person who doesn't like the thing you like is not intending to be a judgmental asshole, which is nice.
I generally don't bother having mixed enthusiasm discussions about media with people, outside of a few friends with whom I have an established critical rapport.
Everybody loves a thing? Great, let's discuss.
Everybody hates a thing? Excellent, let's rant.
Everyone has no strong feelings one way or the other, but still has thoughts? Often the best conversations!
A mix of any of the above? Someone is going to get upset, or bored, or both.
Better to "I like it" and move on.
posted by the primroses were over at 9:42 AM on April 17, 2023 [6 favorites]
This is good advice. Works just as well if the person who doesn't like the thing you like is not intending to be a judgmental asshole, which is nice.
I generally don't bother having mixed enthusiasm discussions about media with people, outside of a few friends with whom I have an established critical rapport.
Everybody loves a thing? Great, let's discuss.
Everybody hates a thing? Excellent, let's rant.
Everyone has no strong feelings one way or the other, but still has thoughts? Often the best conversations!
A mix of any of the above? Someone is going to get upset, or bored, or both.
Better to "I like it" and move on.
posted by the primroses were over at 9:42 AM on April 17, 2023 [6 favorites]
Enjoy what you enjoy and don't apologize if it's not hurting anyone!
I get caught up in judging people for "basic" tastes sometimes. When I notice it I try to tone it down, especially because the plank in my eye could probably be turned into an entire house.
Sounds like they could do with dropping some of those "friends" however.
posted by jellywerker at 10:00 AM on April 17, 2023 [2 favorites]
I get caught up in judging people for "basic" tastes sometimes. When I notice it I try to tone it down, especially because the plank in my eye could probably be turned into an entire house.
Sounds like they could do with dropping some of those "friends" however.
posted by jellywerker at 10:00 AM on April 17, 2023 [2 favorites]
I love Samantha Irby, and I love this. The deep seated need to make sure other people know that you think the thing they like actually sucks is some absolute bullshit.
posted by obfuscation at 10:38 AM on April 17, 2023 [7 favorites]
posted by obfuscation at 10:38 AM on April 17, 2023 [7 favorites]
Why do people do this, though? I get that one reason is:
- To assert status over the person they're talking to
but I don't think that's the only, or even the most common motivation. Maybe:
- To express and explore surprise at another person being different from themselves
- To implicitly ask the person with unexpected likes to expand on their difference, so that the speaker can understand them more fully, especially if they find the thing liked to be disturbing in some way
- To implicitly seek reassurance about the liker or the new/scary thing
- To "teach" or try to bring the liker into an increased understanding of the speaker's world or culture
- To make the liked thing less liked, so that it takes less resources/space/attention and leaves more room for something "better"
- To gain an ally in eliminating the liked thing
Anyway, I'm usually team "understand this phenomenon rather than condemning people who are actually at least saying something," and this is no exception.
posted by amtho at 11:44 AM on April 17, 2023 [1 favorite]
- To assert status over the person they're talking to
but I don't think that's the only, or even the most common motivation. Maybe:
- To express and explore surprise at another person being different from themselves
- To implicitly ask the person with unexpected likes to expand on their difference, so that the speaker can understand them more fully, especially if they find the thing liked to be disturbing in some way
- To implicitly seek reassurance about the liker or the new/scary thing
- To "teach" or try to bring the liker into an increased understanding of the speaker's world or culture
- To make the liked thing less liked, so that it takes less resources/space/attention and leaves more room for something "better"
- To gain an ally in eliminating the liked thing
Anyway, I'm usually team "understand this phenomenon rather than condemning people who are actually at least saying something," and this is no exception.
posted by amtho at 11:44 AM on April 17, 2023 [1 favorite]
I try to live by a strict "don't yuck someone's yum" standard as much as I can and I also try to gleefully talk about what I do enjoy. Life is too short to not enjoy things and to stop other people from enjoying the things they enjoy so long as they're not purposefully hurting someone (with reasonable caveats!).
I'm glad we, as a society, are also largely getting away from our 2010s Your Fave is Problematic Era because you couldn't like *anyone* or *anything* during that era without finding out that they once looked askance at a puppy or something (again, sometimes it is deserved! this is not a blanket statement suggesting that I think that if everyone is problematic no one is problematic! We just need to reserve our energy to take out the majorly problematic people and things)
posted by urbanlenny at 11:49 AM on April 17, 2023 [4 favorites]
I'm glad we, as a society, are also largely getting away from our 2010s Your Fave is Problematic Era because you couldn't like *anyone* or *anything* during that era without finding out that they once looked askance at a puppy or something (again, sometimes it is deserved! this is not a blanket statement suggesting that I think that if everyone is problematic no one is problematic! We just need to reserve our energy to take out the majorly problematic people and things)
posted by urbanlenny at 11:49 AM on April 17, 2023 [4 favorites]
Irl I tend to be able to avoid this kind of sneering snobby nonsense, more so as I get older and see less people I don't already like pretty well.
Online, I make heavy use of posting the delightful song "It's ok to not like things". I don't think more wholesome and useful truth has ever been packed into 16 seconds of audio. I sing it to my kid and hope everyone else does too.
posted by SaltySalticid at 11:49 AM on April 17, 2023 [3 favorites]
Online, I make heavy use of posting the delightful song "It's ok to not like things". I don't think more wholesome and useful truth has ever been packed into 16 seconds of audio. I sing it to my kid and hope everyone else does too.
posted by SaltySalticid at 11:49 AM on April 17, 2023 [3 favorites]
but I don't think that's the only, or even the most common motivation. Maybe:
I think a lot of people (not saying YOU! but PEOPLE in general) just lack social skills to do a lot of these in a softer way without going immediately to the dismissive "this thing you like is garbage" because whether or not that's the intent that tends to be the interpretation. You can absolutely employ the "it's just not for me" strategy without directly saying "that thing sucks."
My partner used to do a "this music we're listening to is bad" statement thing and I pointed out that he was not some objective arbiter of taste and that that was offensive to say to me because although HE thought it sucked to his tastes, *I* might be enjoying it and he was insulting my taste. We have settled on the statement "I am not enjoying this; can we listen to something else?" and it's much nicer! "I" statements or statements where you say specifically what is not appealing to you are almost always a good approach to expressing a difference of opinion.
When talking with someone about something they like that I don't (without that being the express intention of the conversation), I tend to not even raise that I don't like it unless they're trying to get me to partake in it and won't give it up and then I'll employ something like "Oh yeah I have checked that out but it's just not really hitting the right spots for me, weird how taste is, eh?" or something. I'd rather keep the conversation positive to support whoever I'm talking to than bring my opinion on it into things.
posted by urbanlenny at 11:59 AM on April 17, 2023 [4 favorites]
I think a lot of people (not saying YOU! but PEOPLE in general) just lack social skills to do a lot of these in a softer way without going immediately to the dismissive "this thing you like is garbage" because whether or not that's the intent that tends to be the interpretation. You can absolutely employ the "it's just not for me" strategy without directly saying "that thing sucks."
My partner used to do a "this music we're listening to is bad" statement thing and I pointed out that he was not some objective arbiter of taste and that that was offensive to say to me because although HE thought it sucked to his tastes, *I* might be enjoying it and he was insulting my taste. We have settled on the statement "I am not enjoying this; can we listen to something else?" and it's much nicer! "I" statements or statements where you say specifically what is not appealing to you are almost always a good approach to expressing a difference of opinion.
When talking with someone about something they like that I don't (without that being the express intention of the conversation), I tend to not even raise that I don't like it unless they're trying to get me to partake in it and won't give it up and then I'll employ something like "Oh yeah I have checked that out but it's just not really hitting the right spots for me, weird how taste is, eh?" or something. I'd rather keep the conversation positive to support whoever I'm talking to than bring my opinion on it into things.
posted by urbanlenny at 11:59 AM on April 17, 2023 [4 favorites]
Oh no...a future automated response to every Listicle posted on the blue...
"I like it!"
posted by Chuffy at 12:06 PM on April 17, 2023
"I like it!"
posted by Chuffy at 12:06 PM on April 17, 2023
Good for her.
I remember when I was in very bad shape and wouldn't say in public that I liked Jerry Messerxhmidt's Ghost because I was afraid I'd get told it wasn't good enough. As it turned out, I eventually did mention it, and it turns out that no one had anything against it.
But I was very afraid of music snobs, which seems weird weird when I type it out, but there it is. Samantha is right about intensity of shams.
The world is better, possibly even overdoing it in some places. I see younger people on youtube doing a lot of repeating that they have opinions about things but aren't judging other people for having different opinions. I get bored with it, but there are worse things. I'm not going to nag them about it.
See also Let's Talk About Love, in which a rock snob figures out what there is to love about Celine Dion's music. It was originally written in 2007-- this edition is a ten-year retrospective and talks about the culture becoming less harsh.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 12:40 PM on April 17, 2023 [2 favorites]
I remember when I was in very bad shape and wouldn't say in public that I liked Jerry Messerxhmidt's Ghost because I was afraid I'd get told it wasn't good enough. As it turned out, I eventually did mention it, and it turns out that no one had anything against it.
But I was very afraid of music snobs, which seems weird weird when I type it out, but there it is. Samantha is right about intensity of shams.
The world is better, possibly even overdoing it in some places. I see younger people on youtube doing a lot of repeating that they have opinions about things but aren't judging other people for having different opinions. I get bored with it, but there are worse things. I'm not going to nag them about it.
See also Let's Talk About Love, in which a rock snob figures out what there is to love about Celine Dion's music. It was originally written in 2007-- this edition is a ten-year retrospective and talks about the culture becoming less harsh.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 12:40 PM on April 17, 2023 [2 favorites]
You do you, not everything has to be for or about me. I've got yuck here to counterbalance your yum, but the sh_ts-and-giggles I might get from posting it and well, trolling aren't adequate for me.
posted by k3ninho at 12:41 PM on April 17, 2023
posted by k3ninho at 12:41 PM on April 17, 2023
- To assert status over the person they're talking to
An overlapping goal might be to assert in-group/out-group identification. This can be a status thing (I am in the in-group and by linking this you are demonstrating that you are in the out-group) or also a kind of call-in (Don't you realize that our kind of people don't like this; you are in danger of not conforming with our group.)
posted by BrashTech at 12:41 PM on April 17, 2023 [5 favorites]
An overlapping goal might be to assert in-group/out-group identification. This can be a status thing (I am in the in-group and by linking this you are demonstrating that you are in the out-group) or also a kind of call-in (Don't you realize that our kind of people don't like this; you are in danger of not conforming with our group.)
posted by BrashTech at 12:41 PM on April 17, 2023 [5 favorites]
It's useful to know new phrases where if it comes up in a conversation I can proceed to discount that person's opinion, so in that sense I'm glad I read this.
posted by codacorolla at 1:05 PM on April 17, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by codacorolla at 1:05 PM on April 17, 2023 [1 favorite]
The direction of one's nose can be used for the same purpose - no phrase needed.
posted by Candleman at 1:54 PM on April 17, 2023
posted by Candleman at 1:54 PM on April 17, 2023
It's useful to know new phrases where if it comes up in a conversation I can proceed to discount that person's opinion, so in that sense I'm glad I read this.
So you...don't want the opinion of anyone who likes things? Wha?
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 2:10 PM on April 17, 2023 [1 favorite]
So you...don't want the opinion of anyone who likes things? Wha?
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 2:10 PM on April 17, 2023 [1 favorite]
I'm glad we, as a society, are also largely getting away from our 2010s Your Fave is Problematic Era because you couldn't like *anyone* or *anything* during that era without finding out that they once looked askance at a puppy or something (again, sometimes it is deserved! this is not a blanket statement suggesting that I think that if everyone is problematic no one is problematic! We just need to reserve our energy to take out the majorly problematic people and things)
Are we getting away from this? I guess I think of this as a thing that's still very much happening, at times even more intensely than in the previous decade.
I guess human beings just have a powerful desire to pass categorical judgement on things, people, and situations. Sometimes those judgements are about aesthetics, and sometimes they're based on morality or politics. Lately it feels like we've been in a phase where the latter type of judgement is more dominant.
But if we're starting to move out of that into a time of greater nuance and thoughtfulness, that would be great. I'm not sure I've picked up on such a change yet, however.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 2:47 PM on April 17, 2023 [1 favorite]
Are we getting away from this? I guess I think of this as a thing that's still very much happening, at times even more intensely than in the previous decade.
I guess human beings just have a powerful desire to pass categorical judgement on things, people, and situations. Sometimes those judgements are about aesthetics, and sometimes they're based on morality or politics. Lately it feels like we've been in a phase where the latter type of judgement is more dominant.
But if we're starting to move out of that into a time of greater nuance and thoughtfulness, that would be great. I'm not sure I've picked up on such a change yet, however.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 2:47 PM on April 17, 2023 [1 favorite]
When she was six, It's not my favorite thing was my brilliant niece Maya's harshest assessment. I adopted it immediately. Or thought about trying to, at least. Doubleplusgood about it is that it can be said both with great nuance and thoughtfulness or a mere demure malice.
posted by y2karl at 3:35 PM on April 17, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by y2karl at 3:35 PM on April 17, 2023 [1 favorite]
I had a hard time with the one Irby book I read because she seemed to be at the level of messiness of someone at least ten years younger than she was and, while she was at least sometimes funny about it (and, I'm assuming, at least partially hyperbolic for comic effect), I actually felt bad about laughing. Like applauding someone whistling in the dark.
And so...it's kind of weird for me to think of someone in their 40s who is only just figuring out a preferred method for dealing with someone who is being aggressive with a differing aesthetic opinion. But she's making a living as a comic essayist and I'm not, so what do I know?
posted by praemunire at 5:20 PM on April 17, 2023 [1 favorite]
And so...it's kind of weird for me to think of someone in their 40s who is only just figuring out a preferred method for dealing with someone who is being aggressive with a differing aesthetic opinion. But she's making a living as a comic essayist and I'm not, so what do I know?
posted by praemunire at 5:20 PM on April 17, 2023 [1 favorite]
I once saw a comic who did a bit that went something like, "Have you ever noticed that people who work in record stores think that they're rock stars too?" [clearly I saw this a LONG time ago] "Are you STILL listening to this stuff?" "Yeah, are you still making $5 an hour, LOSER?"
posted by JanetLand at 6:20 AM on April 18, 2023
posted by JanetLand at 6:20 AM on April 18, 2023
I am someone who reads Irby because her life as a single person from a broke-ass background in Chicago was always a close mirror to my own. (Her recent turn into Southern Michigan Country Wife is not an experience I share but I have enough proximity to it to have my own thoughts about how I would cope with it.)
It is fascinating to me when people know anyone of any age who isn't a disaster. I always wonder whether it's that they know incredible geniuses or simply very good liars. Spoiler: it usually turns out to be neither; they just grew up around more money.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 7:02 AM on April 18, 2023 [3 favorites]
It is fascinating to me when people know anyone of any age who isn't a disaster. I always wonder whether it's that they know incredible geniuses or simply very good liars. Spoiler: it usually turns out to be neither; they just grew up around more money.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 7:02 AM on April 18, 2023 [3 favorites]
It is fascinating to me when people know anyone of any age who isn't a disaster.
I know plenty of people who aren't. Some grew up around money. Some didn't.
Not trying to hate on Irby here; I bought the book with mildly positive expectations based on the great title and did laugh, but as it went on and on I just genuinely got uncomfortable for her because of the tension between how low-key unhappy and chaotic her life seemed to be and how she was playing it for laughs. It was not a reaction I expected at all or one I normally have to "my life is fucked up"-style comedy. I hope she's more content now.
posted by praemunire at 7:53 AM on April 18, 2023
I know plenty of people who aren't. Some grew up around money. Some didn't.
Not trying to hate on Irby here; I bought the book with mildly positive expectations based on the great title and did laugh, but as it went on and on I just genuinely got uncomfortable for her because of the tension between how low-key unhappy and chaotic her life seemed to be and how she was playing it for laughs. It was not a reaction I expected at all or one I normally have to "my life is fucked up"-style comedy. I hope she's more content now.
posted by praemunire at 7:53 AM on April 18, 2023
One of the tools that people who are shitheads use to make people who are not feel like shit is the casual dismissal of things those people like.MeFi's own?
posted by TheophileEscargot at 1:23 AM on April 19, 2023 [2 favorites]
I've recently been listening to Colombian pop music, but not doing any research into it -- just listening. I have no idea who any of the artists are or if they're cool or anything. I can just enjoy the songs for what they are. It's great.
posted by The corpse in the library at 1:04 PM on April 22, 2023
posted by The corpse in the library at 1:04 PM on April 22, 2023
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A corollary of this that I've taken to using, usually when somebody wants to know what I think of something that I don't like or don't have interest in but that they do like, is, "It's not my thing."
I started this about a decade ago when I decided I never wanted to see another superhero movie. People would ask if I saw whatever the latest one was and then we'd get into a pretty uncomfortable conversation where the other person got pretty defensive because it seemed like I was judging them for liking it. So I needed a way to quit having these conversations because I was tired of making friends and acquaintances feel bad, even though I didn't intend to. I don't know why it happened so often over the past decade, but I think the fandom/identity distinction has blurred significantly in that time and any disinterest/dislike in a thing is taken as an affront to their identity. Or maybe I just noticed it.
Anyway, I started saying, "It's not my thing." And if they follow up with literally anything else trying to convince me or tell me about it, I'll follow up with, "Yeah...well, eh, just not my thing." And then maybe something like "Glad you like it. Hey, what about..." and then move to something I know we can both talk about.
posted by msbrauer at 9:06 AM on April 17, 2023 [26 favorites]