Autopsy may show that Yan Yan died of an accidental overdose

March 27, 2007 11:59 PM

After twelve years of not getting laid, Yan Yan the Chinese panda finally kicked the bucket late Monday at the Berlin Zoo. Officials admits she died alone and nobody immediately noticed. Now the media is running with the story that the popularity of Knut the polar bear cub may be the reason behind the death of his neighbor. In other news, the European Union celebrated its 50th birthday in Berlin. Nobody noticed.
posted by phaedon (31 comments total)

In other news, the European Union celebrated its 50th birthday in Berlin. Nobody noticed.

I sure as hell noticed. That's all they talked about over here for a week. Now that it has come and gone, I have 2 questions. Is Anne Nicole still dead? and how can I get Knut's autograph?
posted by chillmost at 12:10 AM on March 28, 2007

可怜的国宝，孤死他乡!
Leasing a panda ain't cheap, neither.
posted by Abiezer at 12:17 AM on March 28, 2007

punkt
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:17 AM on March 28, 2007

.
posted by papakwanz at 12:40 AM on March 28, 2007

Happy Birthday, Europe!!!
posted by mr_roboto at 12:59 AM on March 28, 2007

I knew because I got the Economist with the cover picture of the bronze bust that had the hell of big titties with the too prominent nipples.
posted by mr_roboto at 1:03 AM on March 28, 2007

I'd like correct out a typo in the last link - Nobody Noticed:

It was the first time that the general public had a chance to see Kunt in the flesh.

That should read "Knut". *tap tap* Is this thing on?
posted by phaedon at 1:07 AM on March 28, 2007

As far as the panda I saw in Guangzhou zoo goes, I wonder how anyone would have known the difference between alive and dead until some lackeys came to change its literie.
posted by Wolof at 1:18 AM on March 28, 2007

"I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every panda that wouldn't screw to save it's species."
Tyler Durden did it.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 1:19 AM on March 28, 2007

It's always the polar bear's fault.
posted by graventy at 2:17 AM on March 28, 2007

Europe: 50
America: 231

Who's old now?
posted by vbfg at 2:17 AM on March 28, 2007

The baby polar bear should be shot.
posted by gorgor_balabala at 2:22 AM on March 28, 2007

This whole knut business seems fishy. What "animal rights group" called for him to be left to die? The name is never mentioned. Now knut may have killed a panda too!

I think Knut has some savvy marketing going on.
posted by srboisvert at 2:25 AM on March 28, 2007

.
posted by Faint of Butt at 3:25 AM on March 28, 2007

I think Knut has some savvy marketing going on.
Bild Zeitung has been behind most of this. They subscribe to a rather loose set of journalistic standards. Cute bears above the fold and tits below. That's sells. That's no surprise though.

More info (in German)
posted by chillmost at 3:33 AM on March 28, 2007

So - pandas die and the European Union celebrates its birthday... Coincidence? I think not!
posted by Phanx at 3:56 AM on March 28, 2007

They subscribe to a rather loose set of journalistic standards.

This wins the euphemism of the day award.
posted by uncle harold at 4:26 AM on March 28, 2007

"They subscribe to a rather loose set of journalistic standards.

This wins the euphemism of the day award."

And how. BZ is like The (NY) Post but without the editorial restraint and with lots of pictures of boobs.

Come to think of it, it's not a bad paper... /snark
posted by From Bklyn at 4:53 AM on March 28, 2007

Fucking pandas.
posted by Tommy Gnosis at 5:00 AM on March 28, 2007

Fucking pandas.

Apparently that is exactly what the world needs.
posted by chillmost at 5:44 AM on March 28, 2007

For some reason, seeing "hell of big titties" written out like that bugs me. Isn't it just "hella"? Shouldn't the Hell of Big Titties be where 38DDs go if they've been bad?
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:29 AM on March 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

Sneezing panda.
posted by LordSludge at 6:32 AM on March 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

Wasn't the Hell of Big Titties in Big Trouble in Little China? I think it was right after the Hell of the Upside-Down Sinners.
posted by kirkaracha at 6:33 AM on March 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

Hell of Big Titties is like the most egregious oxymoron ever. Any place with big titties can't be hell.

It's also a great band name.
posted by spicynuts at 8:02 AM on March 28, 2007

Mini Threatdown!
posted by miss lynnster at 8:09 AM on March 28, 2007

Hell of Big Titties means eternal lower back pain and no lacy bras for you, ever.
posted by casarkos at 8:36 AM on March 28, 2007 [2 favorites]

Dying after twelve years of not getting laid?

I'm doomed!
posted by pax digita at 11:28 AM on March 28, 2007

I'm only doing this to you to save your life, pax!
posted by porpoise at 12:57 PM on March 28, 2007

nebulawindphone writes "For some reason, seeing 'hell of big titties' written out like that bugs me. Isn't it just 'hella'?"

I had just read like 100 episodes of Achewood before posting that comment, and I guess Roast Beef's usage patterns had infected me. Also I was drinking last night.
posted by mr_roboto at 5:26 PM on March 28, 2007

.
posted by Jess the Mess at 5:33 PM on March 29, 2007

Otters accept Knut's cuteness challenge.
posted by homunculus at 7:34 PM on March 29, 2007