Douchebaggery 101 - Proof that nice guys finish last

August 23, 2007 7:13 AM

Hot Chicks With Douchebags [possibly nsfw] [via #mefi]
posted by Stynxno (165 comments total)

This lays the "smart, funny, and intelligent" crock to rest and proves vividly that confidence is what many women want. If only I had put 2 + 2 together when I was in my 20s.
posted by chef_boyardee at 7:18 AM on August 23, 2007

(not that any of the pictured women are all that appealing in any way)
posted by chef_boyardee at 7:19 AM on August 23, 2007

Is she *really* going out with him?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 7:19 AM on August 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

not that any of the pictured women are all that appealing in any way

They all look like they put out.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 7:21 AM on August 23, 2007

misled an entire generation
posted by RavinDave at 7:24 AM on August 23, 2007 [4 favorites]

I can't believe my work admin blocked that URL.

I mean, don't they have anything better to do than to put the word "douchebag" in the URL filter?
posted by psmealey at 7:24 AM on August 23, 2007

I feel bad about how much that site is making me laugh. Honest.
posted by mediareport at 7:34 AM on August 23, 2007

My work blocked the site too. Luckily, the company filter isn't smart enough to also block the google cache. Funny site.
posted by clubfoote at 7:34 AM on August 23, 2007

Those Rules - The Schema
posted by chuckdarwin at 7:38 AM on August 23, 2007

I mean, don't they have anything better to do than to put the word "douchebag" in the URL filter?

Maybe it was the 'hot chicks' part of the url that did it.

It's like they collected all the guys from Parental Control and Exposed and Next and Room Raiders and ran them through a Gotti-izer and put them all on the same site. It's a public service, really.
posted by iconomy at 7:39 AM on August 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

That site is cracking me up too. And happily, it's totally reminding me of why I always dated older guys when I was that age.
(That's sweet & all, but dude, dicks aren't brains. Sorry, hon.)
posted by miss lynnster at 7:41 AM on August 23, 2007

www.hcwdb.com

Might get you past the filter.
posted by goofyroo at 7:41 AM on August 23, 2007

lame,
really,
those chicks are as lame as the dudes they are with
posted by caddis at 7:44 AM on August 23, 2007

This lays the "smart, funny, and intelligent" crock to rest and proves vividly that confidence is what many women want.

Now let's not get too excited here. These are merely pictures of douchebags posing with women. The women, for all we know, may be somewhat embarrassed at the pure, unadultered douchebaggery that is touching, groping, and snarling at/near them. These pictures do not indict us, as young Americans. Women do not prefer douchebags. To draw this conclusion from a few photographs is not dissimilar to saying that women prefer mentally handicapped men. Have you not seen the promotional material for Special Olympics? Why, it's nothing but pictures of attractive people embracing and smiling with the mentally and physically handicapped! To sum up, yes, douchebags are retarded, and no, most women are not attracted to them.
posted by billysumday at 7:44 AM on August 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

chef_boyardee: "This lays the "smart, funny, and intelligent" crock to rest and proves vividly that confidence is what many women want."

Yeah, if all you want to do with said women is get your picture taken with them.
posted by Plutor at 7:47 AM on August 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

***Looks at pictures***

***Thinks about the last time I went on a date***

***Opens a bottle of cheap whiskey and starts crying***
posted by Rangeboy at 7:47 AM on August 23, 2007 [11 favorites]

I live in Chicago, and any time I'm out at a hipstery bar with my hipstery friends, somebody inevitably utters the word "douchebag" or one of its variants. It is used to apply to men who seem to be upping the gentrification quotient of the bar and/or neighborhood. As in, "Check out all the douchebags in this place tonight." or "Is it just me or did this place get really douchey all of a sudden?"

Why do all of us supposedly liberal first-wave gentrifiers love using this not-so-subtly misogynistic term to describe second-wave gentrifiers?
posted by HeroZero at 7:49 AM on August 23, 2007 [5 favorites]

To sum up, yes, douchebags are retarded, and no, most women are not attracted to them.

Wait a second. Confidence does not imply douchebaggery, but the reverse is often true.
posted by chef_boyardee at 7:53 AM on August 23, 2007

Input:

www.hcwdb.com


Result:

Forbidden, this page is categorized as %REASON.

The site you requested is blocked under the following categories: Provocative Attire, Humor

Got forbid we should have access to humor at work. Douchebags.
posted by psmealey at 7:56 AM on August 23, 2007 [8 favorites]

If you're a straight guy and you look at this and are envious, consider this: yeah those guys are probably sleeping with those girls, but presumably they're also having conversations with those girls. Is it worth it?

I hope for these people's sake that they're no older than 20, and at 20 I would have looked past these girls' abysmal repulsiveness for one night. I say "would have" because I was not the right kind of douchebag for this type of girl. Now I wouldn't look twice. And think of this: if you're this douchebag, not only do you have the bad fortune of being this douchebag, but you have the doubly bad fortune of only being ever able to find the kind of girls who would be into this kind of douchebag, and what kind of reckless maniac would that girl be?

On preview: I don't normally use the word douchebag but the original poster put it into currency in this thread.
posted by creasy boy at 7:56 AM on August 23, 2007 [5 favorites]

Confidence does not imply douchebaggery, but the reverse is often true.

Ah, but the line between confident and confidently retarded is such a fine, fuzzy, ever-shifting one.
posted by billysumday at 7:57 AM on August 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

I dunno, HeroZero, I'd probably call you a douchebag, too.
posted by Greg Nog at 7:57 AM on August 23, 2007

I like the names. For example: "pumpy boob grab." Literally descriptive and to the point.
posted by miss lynnster at 7:59 AM on August 23, 2007

Why do all of us supposedly liberal first-wave gentrifiers love using this not-so-subtly misogynistic term to describe second-wave gentrifiers?

douchebag.
posted by YoBananaBoy at 8:01 AM on August 23, 2007 [4 favorites]

I live in Chicago, and any time I'm out at a hipstery bar with my hipstery friends, somebody inevitably utters the word "douchebag" or one of its variants. It is used to apply to men who seem to be upping the gentrification quotient of the bar and/or neighborhood. As in, "Check out all the douchebags in this place tonight." or "Is it just me or did this place get really douchey all of a sudden?"

Out on the plains of Minnesota we hispters had an easier way of determining the douche content of any bar scene. The more baseball caps worn by the college age crowd, the douchier the bar. It kept things simple and was surprisingly accurate.
posted by boubelium at 8:02 AM on August 23, 2007

Why do all of us supposedly liberal first-wave gentrifiers love using this not-so-subtly misogynistic term to describe second-wave gentrifiers?

It's just got something about the combination and order of the syllables that makes it both satisfying to say and suitably negative. The actual definition is irrelevant. The term has endured because you feel a little better when you use it in regards to someone that makes you uncomfortable.

"Cocksucker" is a similar word, but it has more explicit cruel baggage attached to it. So you can't really use it, except to describe bad drivers when you're alone in the car. But when "cocksucker" comes into my head as an adjective, it's unrelated to sexuality of the act of fellatio. It's just a word that feels powerfully, strongly negative based on the combination of sounds. It's a shame that it has its roots in an ugly gay slur.
posted by Mayor Curley at 8:03 AM on August 23, 2007 [4 favorites]

Got forbid we should have access to humor at work. Douchebags.

What happens is that one employee gets busted looking at xxx amputee prison porn, and the ensuing clampdown is robust, indeed.

Try accessing the page through your Outlook...
posted by chuckdarwin at 8:06 AM on August 23, 2007

If douchebag is misogynistic, is scumbag misandric?
posted by Armitage Shanks at 8:06 AM on August 23, 2007

If douchebag is misogynistic, is scumbag misandric?

I dunno. Is it the name of some sort of testicle-cleaning product that I'm unfamiliar with?
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:09 AM on August 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

The misandrous analog in my neck of the woods is dickbag.
posted by psmealey at 8:10 AM on August 23, 2007

I live in Chicago, and any time I'm out at a hipstery bar with my hipstery friends, somebody inevitably utters the word "douchebag" or one of its variants. It is used to apply to men who seem to be upping the gentrification quotient of the bar and/or neighborhood. As in, "Check out all the douchebags in this place tonight." or "Is it just me or did this place get really douchey all of a sudden?"

Out on the plains of Minnesota we hispters had an easier way of determining the douche content of any bar scene. The more baseball caps worn by the college age crowd, the douchier the bar. It kept things simple and was surprisingly accurate.

Around Halifax the line is pretty easy to draw:

If their shoes aren't falling apart, 80% chance they're a douchebag.
posted by radgardener at 8:11 AM on August 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

I was googling for some cellphone or something at work and one of the review sites was blocked for "Pornography (Portugese)".

(not that any of the pictured women are all that appealing in any way)

I agree. And as an Internet Male I will hereby inform everyone of who is worthy of my sexing.
posted by ODiV at 8:11 AM on August 23, 2007 [5 favorites]

Is it the name of some sort of testicle-cleaning product that I'm unfamiliar with?

Think jimmy cap.
posted by billysumday at 8:13 AM on August 23, 2007

"Cocksucker" has crept into my everyday speech much more often after watching a season of Deadwood.

But the word I reserve for special occasions, occasions for which calling a person with this word is no in no way an exaggeration, is "butthole". Not "asshole", which is my everyday road-rage word, and imply generic meanness. But buttholes have a special kind of unwillingness to play nice with the other kiddies.

Some of these guys are merely douchebags, and most of them look like assholes. A couple few look like real buttholes.
posted by notsnot at 8:13 AM on August 23, 2007

Anyway, isn't douchebag probably a popular insult for people who grew up with that famous ad with two women in the canoe and a not-so-fresh feeling? I saw that when I was about 10 and I thought, "what the fuck are they talking about?" I asked someone else, and he explained it to me and I thought, "what the fuck is he talking about?" Last week I was watching Sopranos, where they say douchebag a lot, and my Spanish girlfriend asked me what the word douchebag means, and in the middle of my explanation she said, "what the fuck are you talking about?" So the reaction to the concept of douchebag seems universal: puzzlement, the sort of shudder you get around lunatics, and, if you're a 10-year-old boy, disgust. So it's quite natural to turn the word into an insult. I don't think it's misogynistic at all.
posted by creasy boy at 8:15 AM on August 23, 2007

Weighing in since I'm blocked: a douchebag will steal your virginity, but a scumbag will steal your drugs.

Since when do they wear shoes in Halifax?
posted by jsavimbi at 8:16 AM on August 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

"It is used to apply to men who seem to be upping the gentrification quotient of the bar and/or neighborhood"

Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking when I saw the picture of the douche with the double-popped collars.
posted by inigo2 at 8:17 AM on August 23, 2007

I was googling for some cellphone or something at work and one of the review sites was blocked for "Pornography (Portugese)".

Do they block out pornography on a nation-by-nation basis?
posted by clevershark at 8:19 AM on August 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Thanks, billysumday. Sure enough, I wasn't aware of that — or even of scum for "semen."

(For some reason, my first-blink mental image for "scumbag" has always been the dirt bag on the back of an old upright vacuum cleaner.)
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:19 AM on August 23, 2007

But the word I reserve for special occasions, occasions for which calling a person with this word is no in no way an exaggeration, is "butthole"

I like that one too. "asshole" seems sot of temporary "you're an asshole" mostly means "stop doing that." "butthole" seems more permanent, like a description of the person rather than their actions.
posted by Mayor Curley at 8:20 AM on August 23, 2007

That entire site was all worth it just for the Better Off Dead story.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 8:20 AM on August 23, 2007

Do they block out pornography on a nation-by-nation basis?

I like to think that a very smart employee at the software filtering company talked his way into becoming an expert at distinguishing.

I checked out the page later at home and there was no porn.
posted by ODiV at 8:27 AM on August 23, 2007

I live in Chicago, and any time I'm out at a hipstery bar with my hipstery friends, somebody inevitably utters the word "douchebag" or one of its variants. It is used to apply to men who seem to be upping the gentrification quotient of the bar and/or neighborhood. As in, "Check out all the douchebags in this place tonight." or "Is it just me or did this place get really douchey all of a sudden?"

DC is like that as well. I wouldn't associate the punk/goth kids in most of these pictures as douchebags. Douchebags are the Late Night Shots, popped-collar crowd.

Yes, that's definitely the rule for DC. Popped collar on your striped shirt = massive douchebag.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 8:29 AM on August 23, 2007

Well... this page was titled Douchebag 101 and after reading the discussion about the varied uses of these terms (and looking at those pictures) I definitely feel edified.

*washes hands*
posted by Zinger at 8:30 AM on August 23, 2007

billysumday writes "These are merely pictures of douchebags posing with women. The women, for all we know, may be somewhat embarrassed at the pure, unadultered douchebaggery that is touching, groping, and snarling at/near them."

In fact, the women may be douchebags, themselves. Being hot and being a douchebag are not mutually exclusive.
posted by krinklyfig at 8:32 AM on August 23, 2007

XQUZYPHYR - three words for you: Late Night Shots.
posted by brownpau at 8:37 AM on August 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Some personal favorite insults among my circle of friends:

Doucherocket
Douchemaster
Douchetastic (descriptive term)

There's just something about the word "douche" that's supremely funny to say. And it's got that Germanic tack-it-onto-another-word quotient, too...
posted by bitter-girl.com at 8:40 AM on August 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

How the hell is douchebag a misogynistic term? It's the bag on a douche. It's disgusting. Nobody wants to be that thing. It's a great term, and it perfectly sums up the dudes in these photos. DB's, d-bags, douche captains. From Dr. Bill Long (.com):
"4. Douche-bag (1963). I wonder if you guessed that douche-bag was introduced earlier than "dirt-bag." Even the OED has something about douche-bag. The word douche, with this spelling, goes back to the 18th century, but "douche-bag" doesn't occur until the 20th and, at first, in a medical context. For example, in a gynecological handbook for nurses, from 1908, we have the advice to "hang the douche-bag eighteen inches above the level of the patient's hips." By 1967, according to the OED, the term came into its more prominent contemporary usage: "Douche bag, an unattractive co-ed. By extension, any individual whom the speaker desires to deprecate." By the time I made it to the university in 1970, the language of "douche bag" was in the air, but it was almost universally applied to males. Once again, the males take over what properly belongs to women. Isn't that the complaint of the feminists? Well, at least we humanists finally took over a scientific term and used it for our own noble purposes."

I would submit that Dr. Bill Long might himself be a douchebag. But I digress. The term has been in circulation for quite some time, and I think that it avoids all the particularly nasty baggage that attends alternates such as "cock-sucker," "cock-snorkler" and "cock-waffle." In fact, I'm glad to see cock moving into retirement whereas douche, a fantastic, versatile word, is moving into the prominence it has so long deserved.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 8:41 AM on August 23, 2007 [3 favorites]

Recently, I've gone off "douchebag" -- it's overused -- and embraced the "choad".
Try it. Try "choad". Don't it just feel right?
posted by Atom Eyes at 8:41 AM on August 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

This is bizarre, you people with your fashion-clique connotations for douchebags. Where I come from, it's just an all-purpose insult for anyone who's being a scrotewad. Like "chode", or "lubehole". They transcend all class and cultural boundaries.
posted by Greg Nog at 8:41 AM on August 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

Some personal favorite insults among my circle of friends:

Doucherocket
Douchemaster
Douchetastic (descriptive term)

You left out "douchelord." Come on, that's the best ONE!
posted by kittens for breakfast at 8:43 AM on August 23, 2007

The term has been in circulation for quite some time, and I think that it avoids all the particularly nasty baggage...

I think "nasty baggage" would be a great term to describe most of the women in these pictures.
posted by Atom Eyes at 8:43 AM on August 23, 2007 [6 favorites]

The site is funny, but I'd say most of those pics are from various conferences, and all those hot chicks are just hired guns, smiling because they're paid to. Needs some more real life hcwdb photos up there to be really effective.

*ah, annoying unnecessary dissection of website complete*
posted by poppo at 8:46 AM on August 23, 2007

Ah, yes. Chode. A schlong with greater girth than length, no? Great word. And then of course there is the "Geraldine" - a penis that is long and spindly, not unlike a pipe cleaner. I also had a friend once who attempted to introduce the name "Howard" as a new and curious moniker for the vagina - somehow, I don't think it has caught on.
posted by billysumday at 8:47 AM on August 23, 2007

Ah. So that's what a douchebag looks like? I always thought a douchebag was a receptacle containing liquids which a lady might utilize for keeping her vagina clean. These guys look like legitimate reasons why a woman might want to use a douche afterwards. I'm also hearing a bit of sour grapes in this thread. The girls are probably not any better than the guys they're with. That it looks like they'd all 'put out' and are therefore loose and sleazy.

I'm happy these couples have found one another, and bring whatever small amount of happiness and pleasure they can into each other's lives. I know I'm supposed to find humor in this link and this thread, but I guess I don't need to put down others to make myself feel better about myself. I would of course give myself a wide berth from such couples in polite company, but more power to them. May they go forth and share body fluids and bring their little douchebags into the world, therefore perpetuating the species and insuring the destiny of humanity.

...

Yeah, I don't believe a word of that bullshit either. Did someone earlier mention there was whiskey in this thread?
posted by ZachsMind at 8:51 AM on August 23, 2007 [3 favorites]

Since when do they wear shoes in Halifax?

Since they started selling second-hand shoes.
posted by radgardener at 8:52 AM on August 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

Did someone earlier mention there was whiskey in this thread?

Oh shit, now I totally want to make a bourbon called "General Douchebag's Nasty Baggage"
posted by Greg Nog at 8:55 AM on August 23, 2007

Is she *really* going out with him?
posted by Joeforking at 8:55 AM on August 23, 2007

You actually think these people give a damn? That they possibly have existential, meaning of life moments?

Fuck no.

They're getting serious tail whenever and however they want it. You think they want a conversation? (and that goes for the women too) No, they just want to fuck and show off their fuckability by being seen with other eminently fuckable people.

They don't care what we think. Fuck now, think later. Bundles of simple animal desires and no hang-ups about this or that impropriety.

You can be as outraged and snarky as you'd like. They're getting what they want out of life and could care less what you might think. In fact, they're probably snickering at all fucking action you're missing because... hey, you're not nearly as fuckable as they are.


Jaeger Bombs! Jaeger Bombs! Jaeger Bombs! Look at my new haircut! (/striped shirt!)
posted by C.Batt at 8:56 AM on August 23, 2007 [9 favorites]

In San Diego, douchebags were a familiar part of my growing up. Back then, the formula to create a douchebag was often this: first you take one young, inexperienced, hormonal guy from a remote American small town, preferably one who has never been more than 100 miles from where he was born. Snatch him from his mother, toss him into the Navy/Marines and train him to be a military machine fueled by testosterone. Be sure he spends loooong periods of time in an explicitly male bonding environment with other inexperienced, hormonal guys. Let the natural testosterone in the air feed and multiply. Keep him inside of the petri dish for a long time and then let everybody loose into the local community without supervision for three days, seeing the world for the first time while traveling in a testosterone-fueled pack.

Now... watch people with boobs enter the picture. Voila! A douchebag is born.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:56 AM on August 23, 2007 [6 favorites]

Be sure he spends loooong periods of time in an explicitly male bonding environment with other inexperienced, hormonal guys. Let the natural testosterone in the air feed and multiply. Keep him inside of the petri dish for a long time and then let everybody loose into the local community without supervision...

See also Catholic boys' schools. They're like these thriving little douche farms.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 8:58 AM on August 23, 2007

I'm happy these couples have found one another, and bring whatever small amount of happiness and pleasure venereal disease they can into each other's lives.

Fixed that for you.
posted by ND¢ at 9:05 AM on August 23, 2007

All this and Better Off Dead references, too?
Awesome. And by awesome, I mean in no way douchey.

Kinda bizarre that I was translating the term (which is very much a part of my personal repertoire) for friends just last night. And miss lynnster, I swear the first thing I thought after perusing these photos was, man, I do *not* miss that aspect of my years in San Diego.

It's all so Moose McGillicuddy.
posted by squasha at 9:09 AM on August 23, 2007

They don't care what we think.

They don't have to. I say to you that eventually, out of neediness, these people will settle down, and then they will live in a House of Shrill.

Anyway Socrates' argument that it's better to suffer pain than cause pain applies to these people: you will be stuck with your own company for the rest of your life, so it's better to be a gentleman and a scholar than a douchebag, since you wouldn't want to be stuck with a douchebag for the rest of your life.
posted by creasy boy at 9:12 AM on August 23, 2007

Why are most of those people making such stupid hand gestures? When did that become popular?
posted by cmonkey at 9:16 AM on August 23, 2007

Has anyone mentioned Douchenozzle yet?
posted by drezdn at 9:17 AM on August 23, 2007

It's funny how ubiquitous the word "douchebag" has become. When I left the US and moved to Germany 6 and a half years ago, I would probably only expect to hear the word from an angry Teamster in New York.

"Hey wassa madda witchyou? You can't park that piece of shit here ya fuckin' douchebag!"

Sort of like that if my memory serves me correct.
posted by chillmost at 9:17 AM on August 23, 2007

In my experience, "choad" is a word used exclusively by douchebags (q.v.).
posted by darksasami at 9:19 AM on August 23, 2007 [3 favorites]

I blame Robot Chicken for the increased use of the word.
posted by boo_radley at 9:25 AM on August 23, 2007

I predict a significant number of those guys go on to become prominent in the Republican party.
posted by TedW at 9:27 AM on August 23, 2007

This is a great and important site. For Halloween I'm dressing up as a douchebag* and my hot girlfriend is dressing up as a Catholic schoolgirl. With any luck, we'll be on that page in a few months.

*Yes, actual costume plan.
posted by vito90 at 9:30 AM on August 23, 2007

The pictures are much better without the commentary. That whole brand of snarkiness hasn't been funny since the gallery of regrettable food.
posted by troybob at 9:31 AM on August 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

"Hot" is a really relative term.

"Douchebag" however, is not.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:33 AM on August 23, 2007

You actually think mefites give a damn? That they possibly have existential, meaning of life moments?

Fuck no.

They're getting serious internet snark whenever and however they want it. You think they want a conversation? (and that goes for the women too) No, they just want to be witty and show off their wit by being seen with other eminently witty people.

They don't care what you think. Snark now, think later. Bundles of simple kneejerk reactions and no hang-ups about this or that personal attack.

You can be as reasonable and old-fashioned as you'd like. They're getting what they want out of the internet and could care less what you might think. In fact, they're probably snickering at all fucking action you're missing because... hey, you're not nearly as witty as they are.


Metatalk! Metatalk! Metatalk! Look at my new thread! (/metavanity!)
posted by voltairemodern at 9:36 AM on August 23, 2007 [11 favorites]

I've been using dickslurp for these types myself.

For dragging me to new lows of conversation, I thank you MetaTalk!
posted by 1f2frfbf at 9:39 AM on August 23, 2007

Here's a great big repository of Douchebags.

Which is totally a great, non-misogynist term, because it's a yucky, scummy, embarrassing item NO WOMAN NEEDED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I can't decide what's more depressing: that the cuteness of those girls is muted even for me by the douchenozzles (my favorite varietal) that are grabassing them, or that this website, which could be called www.nobodyknowstheyrehoestillthebroshows.com doesn't seem to be making the point that Shitney Smearses look cute, because dammit, that's their MO, it's all they can do, until they run out of rope and all babbied.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:42 AM on August 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

The pictures are much better without the commentary. That whole brand of snarkiness hasn't been funny since the gallery of regrettable food.

Exactly!
I was just going to post how this guy is the James Lileks of Douchebag Commentary.

James Lileks is heroically clever in my eyes, by the way.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 9:45 AM on August 23, 2007

I've always loved the term "douchebag" and all its derivations (there, I said it), but like Atom Eyes I've recently become enamored of the word "choad." Basically, the more someone reminds me of Ryan Seacrest, the more likely it is I'll call him a choad.
posted by the_bone at 9:49 AM on August 23, 2007

I blame Robot Chicken for the increased use of the word.

Concerning Adult Swim related surges in use of the term 'douchebag,' I'd have to cite Mission Hill over Robot Chicken. Then again, Robot Chicken is probably a lot more popular than Mission Hill ever was.
posted by solipsophistocracy at 9:50 AM on August 23, 2007

I blame Robot Chicken for the increased use of the word.

The Daily Show uses it quite a bit as well, but mostly referring to guys like Robert Novak. That guy must get all sorts of hot chicks.
posted by Gary at 9:51 AM on August 23, 2007

Thanks. Now I am signing "Hot chicks with douchebags" in my head to the tune of "White chicks and gang signs".

I can't be the only one.
posted by utsutsu at 10:05 AM on August 23, 2007

In my experience, "choad" is a word used exclusively by douchebags.

You clearly don't spend much time around doctors. Having a choad is a serious medical conditions. Coming at you like a can of cat food.
posted by billysumday at 10:08 AM on August 23, 2007

Yay for douchebaggery. I've noticed my own usage of the term is growing, although I also like to say "douche nozzle" and the French term, deutsch bagge.
posted by porn in the woods at 10:18 AM on August 23, 2007

Don't tell me I'm the only person on all of metafilter who, upon seeing "hot chicks with douchebags" and an nsfw tag thought that "douchebag" referred to the feminine hygiene product and that this was some sort of bizarre fetish website.
posted by Ndwright at 10:18 AM on August 23, 2007

Billy's picture belongs in the adopted Chinese daughter thread.
posted by ericb at 10:20 AM on August 23, 2007

When I was growing up in Chicago, the word of choice was jagoff, "jack-off", but pronounced with a long a and a hard, hard g and usually shortened to just "jag".
The debut of this tv show was a source of great mirth for many, as I recall.
posted by maryh at 10:22 AM on August 23, 2007

Are TPS and Stynky on there?

lol j/k
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:23 AM on August 23, 2007

I can't be the only one.

Well you're not now.

Thanks for nothing, douchebag.
posted by GuyZero at 10:24 AM on August 23, 2007

Sites like these challenge the notion of forgiveness.

See, you look at these people, and there's the envy- easy, plentiful sex with physically fit people, no matter how dumb or venal- and there's no honest way to avoid that. It may be cheap one night stands, but they're still one-night stands. And yes, married to that is the understanding, the truthful disdain, knowing that in 10-5 years these douchenozzles will have only their rapidly fading looks, staunch conservatism (i.e., the frat boy = Republican = xenophobic prick connection seen at Late Night Shots), and a realization at the utter hollowness of their lives to keep them company.

So... doesn't it seem only fair that we have to root against their ever having a spiritual awakening? That if they were to party hardy now, then grow older, grayer, and obtain some growth and peace and spiritual health... that it's not fair? That in effect, they got the best of both worlds: the prodigal Guido, fucking everything that moves, then coming home when they no longer have an invite to the party, and still being welcomed with open arms?

I want them to suffer, personally- I want them to have the lousiest lives possible, payback for the sheer psychopathic selfishness that characterizes their every moment. The fashion obsession, the juvenile cutdowns, the pettiness and bullying attitudes, the mean-spirited "Late night shots" type websites. I don't think it's fair that I have to be forgiving or accepting, that I have to be above it all and more thoughtful, when clearly they aren't. Their excuse is stupidity and shallowness, but somehow simply being a little bit smarter enough to ponder these things, to have an ethical conscience, requires that I be kind? Fuck it! Why can't I be as selfish in my older years as they are now, and look down on them. I want to be this guy; to have the sadistic pleasure of meeting these people when they aren't in the full the flower of their youth, and are pathetic, poor, and hurting SO bad inside, hurting everywhere at realizing how off the tracks their lives are, wishing they'd made different choices. I want to kick them when they're down, because dammit I'm not Jesus McBuddha, and I won't be "better than that". We live in a brutal jungle, there is no greater moral compass.
posted by hincandenza at 10:39 AM on August 23, 2007 [19 favorites]

When the coke runs out, these girls will disappear.
posted by four panels at 10:42 AM on August 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

utsutsu: I can't be the only one.

Well, not anymore. Thanks, douchebag.
posted by desjardins at 10:43 AM on August 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Don't tell me I'm the only person on all of metafilter who, upon seeing "hot chicks with douchebags" and an nsfw tag thought that "douchebag" referred to the feminine hygiene product and that this was some sort of bizarre fetish website.
posted by Ndwright at 12:18 PM on August 23

That is, precisely, what I expected it to be as well.

You left out "douchelord." Come on, that's the best ONE!
posted by kittens for breakfast at 10:43 AM on August 23

Yeah, it really is.
posted by Ynoxas at 10:45 AM on August 23, 2007

Fuck, hincandenza, what a downer. Be a sadist if you want to, but over douchebags? If you don't believe in a moral compass, you certainly deserve a political one. Don't waste your (possibly boundless?) hate on blue collar schmuck kids. It's pitiful. What happened to you that made you this hateful... or is it a front?
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:47 AM on August 23, 2007

I'm afraid I found the site to be more concept than content. I found this a few months ago, but never thought to post it because of the poor writing, and the just unabashed envy of it all. It's more bitter than funny, really.

I'm a bit surprised this is going over so well, but I guess folks just like the concept. Reading through the comments (no, not all of the comments) I see very little quoting of the site, which is telling....
posted by elwoodwiles at 10:50 AM on August 23, 2007

I think that the multiple people who have drawn a correlation between this site and Late Night Shots need to go back and take another look at that post. The Late Night Shots people are united in their hatred of what they term "turbos". If I am remembering the description of what they call a turbo correctly, then it is these douchebags exactly. Therefore, it is not Metafilter v. Late Night Shots/douchebags. It is Metafilter/Late Night Shots v. douchebags/turbos. Or, what I think may be more accurate, upper middle class privileged white elitists v. the lower class intruding on our social sphere.
posted by ND¢ at 10:55 AM on August 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

I guess some of these guys are getting laid, but all of them? Like this guy? Click on the photo to fully appreciate. I don't think so.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 10:56 AM on August 23, 2007

The douchebag derivation douchdag has recently taken up residence in my vocabulary thanks to this Daily Show exchange:

"You can roll right up to the table.. if you're out on the strip, give rides to ladies........ hookdags perhaps."

"Hookdag?"

"It's like a hooker, but... just a different name."

"Right on, douchedag!"
posted by haveanicesummer at 11:00 AM on August 23, 2007

Here is the quote I was thinking of:

Deviations from the uniform, like a striped pullover from Old Navy paired with cargo shorts, invite severe judgment. According to several vocabulary guides on LNS, such attire denotes the status of “turbo,” a term suggestive of a Long Island mall boy with gobs of gel in his hair and maybe a puka shell necklace.
posted by ND¢ at 11:01 AM on August 23, 2007

The Late Night Shots people are united in their hatred of what they term "turbos". If I am remembering the description of what they call a turbo correctly, then it is these douchebags exactly.

I would say that the LNS douches are against SOME of the people on that site, but not all. Once again I refer to double-popped-collars guy. I guess I'm saying that LNS is a subsect of douche.
posted by inigo2 at 11:04 AM on August 23, 2007

Lileks is a right wing douchebag. (But I still liked regrettable food)
posted by bashos_frog at 11:05 AM on August 23, 2007

Wow
posted by Tenuki at 11:15 AM on August 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

Lileks is a right wing douchebag. (But I still liked regrettable food)

Really? I never gleaned that from his writing.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 11:15 AM on August 23, 2007

From brownpau's Late Night Shots link: "Rodgers managed to pull off the main event. In June, she attracted a crowd to the Courage Cup, a polo match in Virginia that raises money to teach disadvantaged D.C. youths to play polo."
posted by StickyCarpet at 11:19 AM on August 23, 2007

Senor Cardgage,
see (or google): My Pet Wingnut
posted by bashos_frog at 11:22 AM on August 23, 2007

So we just had a 100 comment thread of laughing at poor people as they were being mocked by an arch-conservative? Well well well.
posted by ND¢ at 11:45 AM on August 23, 2007

Senor Cardgage,
see (or google): My Pet Wingnut


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

I was gonna write him a fan letter too. And no Im not kidding.
I think my heart just broke a little.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 11:49 AM on August 23, 2007

I'd offer to kick some of these douchebags in the junk, but then cortex would call me out again.
posted by NationalKato at 12:02 PM on August 23, 2007

ND¢ writes "So we just had a 100 comment thread of laughing at poor people as they were being mocked by an arch-conservative? Well well well."

Ah, what you say has value, because poor people are always on the morally superior side. Right? What if had been California liberals laughing at poor (conservative) people in the South?
posted by krinklyfig at 12:05 PM on August 23, 2007

Wait, Lileks isn't running the douchebag site, right? I don't see any indication that the douchebag proprietor is a right-wing loonie. Or am I the one who's confused?
posted by MrMoonPie at 12:09 PM on August 23, 2007

Good point krinklyfig. I suppose that all of the lolchristians posts here are essentially us laughing at poor people. I realize that being poor doesn't make you morally superior. It just seems at odds with people's stated beliefs that we as a community would be reading a blog written by a right-winger (I don't know who runs the site, I am just assuming from the comments above) as he posted pictures of people who appear to be lower class, or at least lower middle class, and makes fun of them for their hair or clothes or facial expressions.
posted by ND¢ at 12:20 PM on August 23, 2007

Most of the poor people I know don't have the disposable income for gym memberships or those industrial-size drums of hair "product".

Everybody's somebody's poor person, I guess.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:27 PM on August 23, 2007

Upon non-preview, you are not the only one, MrMoonpie.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:28 PM on August 23, 2007

They're poorer than Alan Alda.
posted by ND¢ at 12:31 PM on August 23, 2007

It's just the blog version of laughing at the fat girl in school, really. But it's interesting to see the response to it, the kind of assumptions made about someone in a photograph removed from its context. My friends take all kinds of pictures that would fit right in at the site, but they are being ironic; you wouldn't be able to tell a difference.
posted by troybob at 12:33 PM on August 23, 2007

(Lileks was referenced earlier only because the guy at this site is trying, rather pathetically, to adopt the same kind of snarky voice in reading the photos as Lileks has used. Many think they can do it well, but few succeed.)
posted by troybob at 12:36 PM on August 23, 2007

My friends take all kinds of pictures that would fit right in at the site, but they are being ironic; you wouldn't be able to tell a difference.

If a douchebag is being ironic, is he less of a douche? Or just an irondouche? (Not to be confused with stainlesssteeldouche).
posted by modernnomad at 12:45 PM on August 23, 2007

If a douchebag is being ironic, is he less of a douche?

I would say he is less a douche than someone compelled to comment artlessly upon others' potential doucheness.
posted by troybob at 12:49 PM on August 23, 2007

Justifying stupid poses by calling them 'ironic' is a hallmark of douchebaggery.
posted by solipsophistocracy at 12:52 PM on August 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

hallmark of douchebaggery

I want to buy sympathy cards and figurines there.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 1:00 PM on August 23, 2007

"Hot chicks? Ok."

*click*

"Hrm. Some lame girl. And another. And another. Holy shit, what the fuck is wrong with that guy? Another lame looking girl. Why are they all bottle-blondes... and over-tanned? Gah, I really wish that faux-California beach-girl aesthetic never caught on... it makes people look like burnt albinos, especially when they bleach the eyebrows, too..."

*scroll-scroll*

"Yawn. Paris, Jessica, Lindsey. Jesus, put some clothes on. Aren't you cold? Why does that guy look like he was extruded from a vat of congealed grease? Guh. I can just smell the insane amounts of hydrocarbon-based artificial scents. Someone light a cigarette or something."

*scroll*

"Yawn. Next. Next! Oh, no, please go away. Yes I'm a nerd who works on computers, no I'm not rich. Wow, I've never seen anyone leave so fast they left a cartoonish poof of dust in the air like that. Yawn. Next... Oh, hey!"

"Who is that cute nerd girl in the back reading a book? Eyebrows mostly natural in shape and color. Eyes lively and quick behind glasses. Pale, untanned, but gets some sun. Actually wearing something that resembles clothing, instead of assymetrical bits of twine and colorful rags. Nice boots. Likes arguing about semantics, language or anything at all - but doesn't take it too seriously."

"Oh, fuck. Nevermind. I think it was just a shadow fucking with my imagination again. I'm used to it."
posted by loquacious at 1:11 PM on August 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

Um... I know I shouldn't judge by appearances, but since that's what the whole link is about ....the women appear to me to be the female equivalants of the men they are posing with.

Not that either of the men or women look like doochbags. They look like fashionable and mundane people. Pretty boring looking, but not offensive.

To be honest, I expected this link to be to some strange fetish site about feminine hygiene.
posted by jb at 1:16 PM on August 23, 2007

Yeah, it's kind of misleading because guys, for the most part, will find any woman who's vaguely attractive with visible cleavage "hot."

Whereas we have some sort of standard for the appearance of other men, in that they should look dignified and not like over-tanned, over-manipulated hair, steroid-addicted, idiots. So the women are pretty much as bad, but guys just aren't nuanced enough to tell the difference between bad female fashion and good female fashion as it relates to "hotness."
posted by mikeh at 1:41 PM on August 23, 2007

Why do all of us supposedly liberal first-wave gentrifiers love using this not-so-subtly misogynistic term to describe second-wave gentrifiers?

I can't believe I'm saying this

Obviously you've never read Even Cowgirls Get the Blues or else you would have known that douche bags tend to be an item of patriarchal oppression.

Goddamn I hate Tom Robbins

I can't get to the links, so I'm going to just go outside, smoke cigarettes, and laugh at faux-hawked morons. Or work, whatever happens first.
posted by sleepy pete at 1:44 PM on August 23, 2007

Soon, Hideki Kozima will sell Keepon to Mom's Friendly Robot Company. And a year or two from now, a canary-yellow tide of five-meter-tall dancing fury will crush these douchebags under their... umm... their lower balls? But there will be crushing. By megakeepons.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:47 PM on August 23, 2007

Guido douchebag mating ritual.
posted by redteam at 1:50 PM on August 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

he does link to Glenn Greenwald, who is no champion of 'conservatives', so "DB1" can't be all-too-wrong-headed.

Not recognizing any of the people/guys in these pictures, this was all way fascinating as well as funny. Very funny. But what was up with all the hand signs and hats worn askew and the hair? I mean, that's emberassing, isn't it?

It all makes me wonder: was I supposed to try this hard for girls? Be this desperate? I guess, really, what I mean is I am clearly, simply better than these poor buggers. I (a white guy) have never made funny gestures with my hand while sneering (aside from catching my ring-finger in a door last week). I don't wear a base-ball or trucker hat (the beret is a better shape for my face). These guys obviously lack my dry charm and disdain for full-chest tattoos of the covers of any of a number of Journey albums. They probably wouldn't know the difference between a steam ale and a triple bock or why one is never drunk before five in the afternoon. I mean, seriously...

Which is to say, there's gotta be hipster version of this site out there somewhere...
posted by From Bklyn at 2:02 PM on August 23, 2007

this not-so-subtly misogynistic term

are you kidding? are there any words left that don't offend someone?
posted by quarter waters and a bag of chips at 2:11 PM on August 23, 2007

Guido douchebag mating ritual.

Oh my. And no alcohol was involved, I'm sure.
posted by ericb at 2:23 PM on August 23, 2007

That site is cracking me up too. And happily, it's totally reminding me of why I always dated older guys when I was that age.

Yeah, and why I dated older women at that age.

wait a minute...
posted by davejay at 2:30 PM on August 23, 2007

So what? People use textbooks, glasses, and laptops as superficial stage props, too. Posturing as a literate nerd can be just another trick to make the right people lay you and the wrong people feel inferior. In light of this, making fun of Guidos strikes me as a disingenuous attack on the banality of the tools of their trade, rather than on the trade itself. They're just people, doing the same peacocky things that most people do, with a different vocabulary.
posted by kid ichorous at 2:35 PM on August 23, 2007 [6 favorites]

Very well written.

But I also agree with kid i. : Putting on a show to get chicks is not limited to douchebags.
posted by wfc123 at 2:52 PM on August 23, 2007

OK, so I've learned that if I wear striped shirts (which I do) and wear gel in my hair (which I do) and work out (which I do) and like being around attractive women (which I do) I am now a "douchebag" and a "guido."

Nice.
posted by lekvar at 3:10 PM on August 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Don't think of it as becoming one, think of it as finally discovering the term for something you've always been.

(I kid! Mostly.)
posted by maxwelton at 3:26 PM on August 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Guido douchebag mating ritual.

I'm still trying to find my jaw. I think it broke into pieces and got lost in the cruft around my computer.

They're just people, doing the same peacocky things that most people do, with a different vocabulary.

Well put - and touché.

However, I'm still going to judge potential partners or dates by their books. Like, whether or not they own any. And if they look like they're well-read and loved. I may even note if they keep their Anaïs Nin next to their A. N. Roquelaure or near Franny and Zooey. If there's a balance between fiction and non-fiction and reference.

But it's obviously not just about books. Books are just gateways to ideas and exchanges. It's one ready way to explore and find out about someone who is, hopefully, complex.

I have a hard time swallowing "all these things are equal" when compared to - err, well - that video.

I think there's a very real difference between valuing a fellow human for things like these subtle non-material traits and the not so subtle things - like material wealth or surface beauty.

These material-motivated relations and, err, mating dances aren't relations that will end well, for the most part. They don't come from places of respect for someone else.

He isn't going to reminisce over a beer with his buddies about how nice she was to hang out with or wax poetic about conversations they had.

I don't know if that's a false sense of superiority or not, or whether it is or it isn't superiority itself. I don't know if I really even care.
posted by loquacious at 4:04 PM on August 23, 2007 [3 favorites]

if I wear striped shirts (which I do) and wear gel in my hair (which I do) and work out (which I do) and like being around attractive women (which I do) I am now a "douchebag" and a "guido."

No lekvar, none of that makes you a douchebag. I know lots of guys who style themselves that way who are not douchebags at all. But there is a certain type of guy (whose style unfortunately overlaps with yours a bit) who gives off a palpable stench of obnoxious douchebaggery the moment he enters a room. I don't know what it is. I don't know why it happens. But most of the women (and men) I know can spot it a mile away.

I think it might be some sort of brain damage caused by a particular concentration of bronzing lotion and Red Bull.
posted by LeeJay at 4:17 PM on August 23, 2007

If a douchebag is being ironic, is he less of a douche?

No, it makes you ven more of a douche.

(also, some of the sour grapes in a few of the comments here are hysterical. 'Those girls are lame..' right, like a single guy turns down sex from any halfway decent girl, please.

IIRC, this site is run by one of those Late Night Shots schmucks who seems to think anybody who's not like him and his buddies is a douchebag, so to hell with him, since he'd probably hate me, too.
posted by jonmc at 4:48 PM on August 23, 2007

loquacious: However, I'm still going to judge potential partners or dates by their books. Like, whether or not they own any. And if they look like they're well-read and loved. I may even note if they keep their Anaïs Nin next to their A. N. Roquelaure or near Franny and Zooey. If there's a balance between fiction and non-fiction and reference.

(Okay, I appreciate this position, but I still wonder if I could make a killing off of hipness-driven commerce by opening a pre-read/pre-loved book store right next to the pre-faded jeans store and the secondhand clothing shop.)
posted by kid ichorous at 4:50 PM on August 23, 2007

Also, the term Guido irks me a little bit, as a half-Italian-American, but I've argued against oversensitivity before so I'll just STFU.
posted by jonmc at 4:56 PM on August 23, 2007

(and FWIW, I've known some guidos (in NYC they're known as 'cugines' ) who were actually really nice guys and devoted boyfriends and husbands).
posted by jonmc at 5:00 PM on August 23, 2007

Also, the term Guido irks me a little bit, as a half-Italian-American, but I've argued against oversensitivity before so I'll just STFU.

"Yah-dude" is a common epithet around here. As in, "Yah dude, let's throw a wicked keggah," the Bostonian mating call.
posted by kid ichorous at 5:02 PM on August 23, 2007

Heh. One endearing quality of both cugines and the 'Yah-dudes' you just described is that they can take a joke, so I guess it's cool. and once one of either decides they like you, they'll walk in front of a car for you.
posted by jonmc at 5:05 PM on August 23, 2007

Yes - that's definitely true. Whereas I'm always trying to get hipsters to walk in front of my car, but they're too shrewd and they don't take the bait.
posted by kid ichorous at 5:10 PM on August 23, 2007

Yes - that's definitely true. Whereas I'm always trying to get hipsters to walk in front of my car, but they're too shrewd and they don't take the bait.

One other wierd thing: All the 'guido' types I've met are very frank about what they are, even to the point of self effacing humor. I've also known lots of cool people who by appearances would be called 'hipsters,' but they all will vehemently deny that they're hipsters.

Ultimately, this all sounds more than a little like high school/college cliquery to me, which I didn't much go for then and don't go for now. There's intersting andcool people with cool stories to tell in all kinds of places and all kinds of subcultures and, generally, if you accept them for who they are, they'll do the same. That is kind of what makes them cool.
posted by jonmc at 5:18 PM on August 23, 2007

I'm always trying to get hipsters to walk in front of my car, but they're too shrewd and they don't take the bait

kid ichorous is Frankenstein AICMFP.

Frankenstein! Frankenstein the legend, Frankenstein the indestructible! Sole survivor of the titanic pile-up of '95, only two-time winner of the Transcontinental Road Race... Frankenstein! Ripped up, wiped out, battered, shattered, creamed, and reamed... a dancer on the brink of death... Frankenstein, who lost a leg in '98, an arm in '99! With half a face and half a chest, and all the guts in the world, he's back!
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 5:26 PM on August 23, 2007

Paging M. Beurre-Foucault — we need your simultaneously inside-outside viewpoint:

Expliquez nos, s'il vous plaît, l'amuse-douche.
posted by rob511 at 5:49 PM on August 23, 2007

Ok, so I am finally got back home and got to see what this is all about. I have to agree with others above, the chicks here are just not that hot. Sort of bland, plain looking girls with vacant expressions, incredibly poor taste in clothing and not much else to speak of.

I would say that these couples are mostly made for each other.
posted by psmealey at 5:55 PM on August 23, 2007

Ok, so I am finally got back home and got to see what this is all about. I have to agree with others above, the chicks here are just not that hot. Sort of bland, plain looking girls with vacant expressions, incredibly poor taste in clothing and not much else to speak of.

You just described 80% of the girls at my high school.
posted by miss lynnster at 6:03 PM on August 23, 2007

The word 'douchebag' is a strange one to me (being a Brit). For a start Douche is French for a shower, and a shower-bag doesn't seem like that great an insult. Calling someone a Douche in the US obviously means much more than that. Hmm... off to urban dictionary I go.
posted by Surfyournut at 6:24 PM on August 23, 2007

Hahaha, okay. Now I see why it's insulting.
posted by Surfyournut at 6:26 PM on August 23, 2007

Why do these guys think that turning their skin orange is going to make them look anything other than totally ridiculous?
posted by oaf at 6:47 PM on August 23, 2007

I don't know if this has been cleared up, but douchebag isn't a misogynistic term--douchebags are genuinely bad things.
posted by Citizen Premier at 6:50 PM on August 23, 2007

Also, the main problem with all of those men is the fact that they aren't me.
posted by Citizen Premier at 6:51 PM on August 23, 2007

miss lynster: That site is cracking me up too. And happily, it's totally reminding me of why I always dated older guys when I was that age.

In my single days, I thought the pussy would roll in as I got older by the mere fact that I was older. Hell, one girl who was a high school senior visiting my college campus was dating a first year law school student.

Experience still showed that the confident/cocky/douchebaggy/whatever still had the overall edge. Age alone wasn't going to cut it.
posted by dr_dank at 7:00 PM on August 23, 2007

I like the blogger's penchant for poetry, and some of the readers' submission are a hoot too:

Hard bodied, but covered with leather,
This douchebag has got it together.
With lolli in hand
And orange wrist band,
He creeps up on Ashley and Heather.

posted by rob511 at 7:02 PM on August 23, 2007

Above all, this reminds me of the intro to Idiocracy.
posted by fungible at 7:08 PM on August 23, 2007

This is so totally a mefi-guy thread.
posted by bluesky43 at 8:14 PM on August 23, 2007

People use textbooks, glasses, and laptops as superficial stage props, too. Posturing as a literate nerd can be just another trick to make the right people lay you

Yeah, I make fun of those people too.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:50 PM on August 23, 2007

ROU_Xenophobe: Frankenstein! Frankenstein the legend, Frankenstein the indestructible!

fungible: Above all, this reminds me of the intro to Idiocracy.

Okay, this makes two movies I can't believe I hadn't heard of, and absolutely have to see now. Thanks!
posted by kid ichorous at 9:08 PM on August 23, 2007

From the late and lamented Veiled Conceit blog: No-Bullshit Dating Guide
posted by maxwelton at 9:50 PM on August 23, 2007

In my single days, I thought the pussy would roll in as I got older by the mere fact that I was older. Hell, one girl who was a high school senior visiting my college campus was dating a first year law school student.

Experience still showed that the confident/cocky/douchebaggy/whatever still had the overall edge. Age alone wasn't going to cut it.

Well, that's a little silly... it's not like I went around asking men how old they were and then dating them if the number sounded right. It's the WHOLE PACKAGE of a person that attracts me, it was never just how old they were. If anything, there were times where I really liked someone & I didn't want them to be older... I WANTED to be with someone my own age, but I just wasn't meeting that person. So I dated the people that I was drawn to, that I bonded with, that made me laugh, that I found to be interesting & respectful & kind to me. I really wanted conversations that were about deeper topics than how much he wanted to grab my boobs.

I think the key is... I didn't date older douchebags either. Douchebags of any age have never, ever, ever had any kind of an edge with me. And as previously mentioned, living in San Diego and then Los Angeles throughout my twenties I met a Hell of a lot of them. I think every skeezy "Producer" in Los Angeles tried to hit on me when I arrived. Getting a little nauseous just thinking about 'em.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:21 AM on August 24, 2007

And dr_dank? Also? The fact alone that you would refer to women as "pussy" is a giant flashing red flag that you just might be kinda douchey. Sorry. But true.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:25 AM on August 24, 2007

I've always found it most effective to attract pussies with tuna. And when they are well trained, you just need to use the can opener and they come running.

I miss my cat.
posted by jb at 8:47 AM on August 24, 2007

It's the WHOLE PACKAGE of a person that attracts me

So you were just in it for their junk? I'm sorry...I couldn't stop it....
posted by inigo2 at 11:28 AM on August 24, 2007

And dr_dank? Also? The fact alone that you would refer to women as "pussy" is a giant flashing red flag that you just might be kinda douchey. Sorry. But true.


Whoa, watch where you're pointing the douche, lynnster. Those are the words of a younger self. None of us were mature and level-headed our entire lives.
posted by dr_dank at 4:23 PM on August 24, 2007

Now that you mention it, I do have a 1/4 douche on my father's side. You might be onto something.
posted by dr_dank at 4:24 PM on August 24, 2007