Machine Gun Flashlight
March 10, 2008 9:14 AM   Subscribe

If you're anything like me, at least one out of every three times you've had to use a flashlight, you wished you could machine gun someone to death with it. Well, friend... your prayers answered!
posted by jonson (41 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
So now I have to remember to replace the battery AND the ammo? Fuck.
posted by veggieboy at 9:21 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]


The flashlight comes off.
posted by Poolio at 9:29 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]


I liked it when he said, "gets nasty, get down to business." I imagine him daydreaming about ninjas attacking him in the parking lot during his walk from the office to his Honda. He whips out the flashlight gun, takes them down, and inexplicably the coworker he's been pining over for three and a half years is there, cheering him on.
posted by farishta at 9:30 AM on March 10, 2008 [11 favorites]


I think this needs more USB ports.
posted by Stan Chin at 9:31 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]


also, great tags
posted by farishta at 9:31 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]


Actually it's the other way around--the last three people I've machine gunned have been the wrong guys. Could've used a flashlight.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:32 AM on March 10, 2008 [7 favorites]


Ok, it's basically a glock with a flashlight that slides onto the rail, with a folding stock. But still kind of cool, in a ridiculous way.

Shooting is pretty fun. To get accurate you have to calm yourself in ways that feel a bit like Yoga or meditation.
posted by mecran01 at 9:32 AM on March 10, 2008


My walk out to mailbox is pretty fuckin' treacherous. I need both a flashlight and a loaded firearm to get there. I'll defend my Bed Bath & Beyond 20% off coupon to the death.
posted by ninjew at 9:33 AM on March 10, 2008 [4 favorites]


Wow, look how close to the stubby front pistol-grip the barrel is, looks like it would be pretty easy to blow a finger off if you were to expand it in a hurry and start firing.

It's novel, but I wonder what advantage it has over a full auto glock with shoulder butt unless the "strangely shaped oversize flashlight" thing is an effective guise. And, even if this were true, how legal would this be for a civilian. Would the military ever consider using this?
posted by hellslinger at 9:33 AM on March 10, 2008


Cool toy.
posted by tkolar at 9:37 AM on March 10, 2008


The combo tags of death and incandescence are way radder than the clumsy gun. "Transformeresque" indeed.
posted by BeerFilter at 9:38 AM on March 10, 2008


Slick. There were a couple of teens hanging out near the corner mailbox last night I could have taken out with that thing. Damned kids and their standing and talking.
posted by hojoki at 9:45 AM on March 10, 2008


A more practical application of this technology would be a cigarette lighter that transforms into a red Swingline stapler.
posted by Poolio at 9:48 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


The fact that it fits into a jeans' back pocket and looks innocuous while there is quite scary, to be honest. I'm glad they're not actually planning to manufacture this any time soon...
posted by benzo8 at 9:48 AM on March 10, 2008


The fact that it fits into a jeans' back pocket and looks innocuous while there is quite scary, to be honest. I'm glad they're not actually planning to manufacture this any time soon...

You got some mighty big pockets! It's ridiculously large for a flashlight - I don't think anyone is going to see that thing and consider it innocuous.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 9:52 AM on March 10, 2008


I don't think anyone is going to see that thing and consider it innocuous.

Well, it'll presumably be dark, so there's a good chance they might not see it.
posted by Poolio at 9:56 AM on March 10, 2008


The flashlight isn't the key. The folding machine gun that doesn't look like a machine gun, that is the key.
posted by zippy at 9:57 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


I wish I could find a picture, but this is pretty damn close to the kid's lunchbox/ machine pistol prop in Robocop 2.

And when I say "pretty damn close" I mean, 'directly replicating'.

Besides, for my money it would be easier to just carry the damn Glock in a holster. Then I only need one hand to pull it out and not two to deploy it (one to open, on to shift from carrying handle on top to firing position.)

And, if you want to be completely awesome, why carry the gun at all? If you are going to carry a flashlight, why not let that be the weapon itself?
posted by quin at 9:57 AM on March 10, 2008


You got some mighty big pockets! It's ridiculously large for a flashlight - I don't think anyone is going to see that thing and consider it innocuous.

Watch the video to the end...
posted by nzero at 9:57 AM on March 10, 2008


[Doom 3 joke]
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 9:59 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]


I'll defend my Bed Bath & Beyond 20% off coupon to the death.

Why? They'll just send you another one next week anyway.
posted by Doohickie at 10:09 AM on March 10, 2008


This is so wrong in so many ways, these people don't even hide, they are proud of their work even. Geez this is so fucked up.
posted by zouhair at 10:14 AM on March 10, 2008


Well I don't know how practical this would be. I mean, will it fit in my bedside gun rack?
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 10:27 AM on March 10, 2008 [2 favorites]


This is so wrong in so many ways, these people don't even hide, they are proud of their work even. Geez this is so fucked up.
posted by zouhair


As feats of engineering, most modern firearms are pretty amazing. What can be achieved completely in solid-state, no electric power just driven by recoil/expanding gasses, is far more than one would expect.

I don't think there's anything for the people who use these on other humans to be proud of. I don't think there's very much for the people who sell them to the former to be proud of.

But the designers? It's definitely an accomplishment of a sort.
posted by Ryvar at 10:43 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


these people don't even hide

Reminding me once again, why I wanted to be an arms dealer when I grew up. All the profits associated with drug dealing, and none of the legal sanctions. What's not to love about a job like that?

Sadly, Adnan Khashoggi wasn't looking for an assistant at that time. It turned out that the international munitions industry is something of a closed shop.

Unlike drug dealing, which is an equal opportunity industry. So, can I interest any of you fine people in an eight-ball of cocaine? I'm offering special discounted rates for Mefites with a user number lower than 25,000? And if any of you are in the arms export industry, please get in touch as I'm looking for someone to give me a work placement while I study for my MBA.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:06 AM on March 10, 2008


♫ My flashlight weighs a ton. ♫
posted by hellbient at 11:12 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


(Half Life 2 crummy battery joke)
posted by aerotive at 11:14 AM on March 10, 2008


Those pesky kids come around bothering me again... I'm just gonna light 'em up!

(... but never just a guy with a beard but not 'tache'... if it is a beard that is, and not some other weirdo disguised bit of military tech -- say a gas-mask you can slide up -- or something)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 11:28 AM on March 10, 2008


at least one out of every three times you've had to use a flashlight, you wished you could machine gun someone to death with it.

Mom??? When did you get a MeFi account?
posted by ZenMasterThis at 11:49 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


My walk out to mailbox is pretty fuckin' treacherous. I need both a flashlight and a loaded firearm to get there.

That's one way. What we did was install a few servo-mounted 7.62 miniguns under the eaves of the house. When it's time to get the mail, my bride goes to the attic control room and I get by the door. After a few bursts of suppressive fire, just in case, I go out and get the mail while she monitors the situation.

Paranoid? Well, I remain free of CHUD-bites.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:51 AM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


will it fit in my bedside gun rack?

"Many customers buy one for each side of the bed."
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 12:12 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


Man, here's hoping the Mall Ninja can get his company to spring for some of these.

As a side note, I've always wondered about flashlights and guns and how one is supposed to use them in conjunction with one another. I know that for most situations having the gun and the flash light right next to/on top of each other is fine, but surely in some cases it would be a good idea not to advertise exactly where your centre of mass is to the people you're looking for with a gun and flashlight. I remember reading something about holding the flashlight away from your body, but that just seems awkward to me. Any resident mall ninjas care to, uh, shed some light on this matter?
posted by slimepuppy at 12:14 PM on March 10, 2008


"very Transformeresque" indeed
even MacGyver would be jealous
posted by xdsfire at 12:17 PM on March 10, 2008


I expected a flashlight gatlin gun: with rotating flashlights instead of barrels. Cause, you know, when I was younger, I wasn't actually wanting to shoot bullets right? You too, Right? Right?!
posted by uni verse at 12:37 PM on March 10, 2008


As a side note, I've always wondered about flashlights and guns and how one is supposed to use them in conjunction with one another.

I forget the terminology for them, but there are basically three different ways of dealing with this, one is to hold the flashlight in your off hand, and balance your shooting arm in the crook of the flashlight holding arm (either the wrist or the elbow depending on the size of the flashlight). The idea is that the flashlight is offset from your center mass by a bit.

The second is to hold the hold the flashlight alongside the barrel of the gun in your off hand. This is the one they usually use in movies when someone is doing something tactical.

The final way is to actually mount the flashlight to the gun itself. The big benefit of this is that you can focus both your hands on being on the gun itself and not on trying to get the light to point at what the gun is pointing it. It just naturally illuminates whatever you want to shoot. The main down side is that the lights tend to be just bulky enough that they don't play nice with most holsters for handguns. This doesn't really apply to longer firearms though.

As to giving away your position with a light, I suppose that is a real concern, but I figure that if I know that there is a gun somewhere behind that brightness, I'm just going to keep hiding and hope like hell that you don't see me, rather than try and guess if the light is in the center of where you are or off to the side.
posted by quin at 12:47 PM on March 10, 2008


That's not what I want to do with a flashlight. I want to be able to quarter some alien shitesucker with it like Luke Skywalker in that bar. And it's not one out of three times, either, it's every time I happen to point a nice bright flashlight into the dark.

Also, it should make that noise.
posted by jfuller at 2:50 PM on March 10, 2008


I don't like how he kept turning the weapon on himself when he collapsed the contraption. Maybe if it was a DA pistol instead of a Glock... nah, it still gives me the willies.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:19 PM on March 10, 2008


I want a machine gun that fires flashlights.
posted by kcds at 7:05 PM on March 10, 2008


Bah, Joel Hodgson did this years ago.
Shamelessly stolen from here.
posted by churl at 8:15 PM on March 10, 2008


See: PP-90 and Ares SMG, which I think is the gun that little kid used in Robocop.
posted by Orb2069 at 9:03 PM on March 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


They should tell people to buy these and keep them in their cars... incase they break down in the bad side of town.... and they need a machine gun of sorts.... Ok fine I cannot find a use for something like this. In fact you could probably buy the flash light and the gun for hundreds less than what they are selling it for.
posted by Mastercheddaar at 6:47 AM on March 11, 2008


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