Step 1: Weave Bacon

January 7, 2009 9:01 AM

I know how Mefi loves bacon. Here's a tasty-looking appetizer for all you crafty types who want to combine your love of pork with your weaving skills.
posted by vytae (68 comments total)

That looks good.
posted by RussHy at 9:06 AM on January 7, 2009

Step 8: Angioplasty
posted by nightwood at 9:06 AM on January 7, 2009 [9 favorites]

SLBS (Single link bacon snack) - though I'm not sure if this classifies as a snack or an edible challenge. Perhaps this is the no-carb alternative to the Fool's Gold Loaf.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:08 AM on January 7, 2009

I'm reminded of this.
posted by 6am at 9:08 AM on January 7, 2009

My heart stopped from just looking at that thing.
posted by orange swan at 9:09 AM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

I bet the Lipitor people are behind this.
posted by terranova at 9:09 AM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

HURF DURF BACONFILTER
posted by hermitosis at 9:10 AM on January 7, 2009

deadly.
posted by girlthursday at 9:11 AM on January 7, 2009

needs to be stuffed with jalapenos.
posted by jonmc at 9:12 AM on January 7, 2009 [15 favorites]

They call it.... THE WIDOWMAKER.
posted by R. Mutt at 9:12 AM on January 7, 2009 [6 favorites]

They should deep-fry it after rolling it up. And then top it with candy sprinkles.
posted by Dr-Baa at 9:13 AM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

And if you're wishing you could be bacon-wrapped, there are many bacon scarves available (as a bonus, the last two come with eggs).
posted by filthy light thief at 9:13 AM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

If you slice it into 6 servings and eat 1 serving then you are only consuming 2 pieces of bacon. That's perfectly acceptable.
posted by collocation at 9:14 AM on January 7, 2009

Here's one for you. The bacon bbq sausage explosion.
posted by Stephen Elliott at 9:15 AM on January 7, 2009 [5 favorites]

Step 1: Weave bacon
Step 2: PROFIT!!!

That said, why weave the bacon if you are going to slice it? Why not just roll cheese into a single slice?
posted by DU at 9:17 AM on January 7, 2009

You couldn't do that with my favorite bacon - 1/3 inch cross cut. Cooks down to delicious bacon jerky.

/begins to envision constructing a plate made of bacon
posted by mrmojoflying at 9:18 AM on January 7, 2009

Wrapping stuff in bacon is inefficient. So is adding bacon flavoring to food. What if genetic engineers could alter human DNA so that our tongues were made of bacon?
posted by DU at 9:20 AM on January 7, 2009

Gross.

Why would you ruin it with cheese?
posted by slimepuppy at 9:21 AM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

bacon bbq sausage explosion

Is it a problem that when I saw I'd already followed the FPP link, I assumed it was this? And only realized it wasn't when I saw that I'd also followed this link? The internet has too much delicious bacon.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:21 AM on January 7, 2009

How about stuffing it with a cheese omelette?

If you live in Ontario, you owe it to yourself to try Cherry Pink Farms bacon. It is incredible and often actually works out to a better deal by weight than the cheaper stuff. I'm still salivating over the pile I ate new year's morning.
posted by autodidact at 9:24 AM on January 7, 2009

Bacon doesn't kill people. Cooks kill people.
posted by terranova at 9:24 AM on January 7, 2009 [3 favorites]

They should deep-fry it after rolling it up. And then top it with candy sprinkles.

No need to be spartan. After that, dip it in chocolate sauce and drizzle with schmaltz.
posted by Joe Beese at 9:29 AM on January 7, 2009

I was all ready to tell everyone about how I am so over bacon and that ham is truly where it's at, and then I clicked the link.

Goddam.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:29 AM on January 7, 2009

Previously.
posted by swift at 9:29 AM on January 7, 2009

Rather than fill it with cheese, I would fill it with bacon.
posted by bondcliff at 9:34 AM on January 7, 2009 [4 favorites]

And it looks just like a clogged artery! nomnomnom
posted by DWRoelands at 9:35 AM on January 7, 2009

Bacon is so over that it's even tired to profess how over bacon you are. The only thing left is to wait until all the porkfat-engulfers are all dead and then start civilization anew.
posted by hermitosis at 9:37 AM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

Step 8
posted by ElvisJesus at 9:40 AM on January 7, 2009 [2 favorites]

If you slice it into 6 servings and eat 1 serving then you are only consuming 2 pieces of bacon doing it wrong.
posted by owtytrof at 9:48 AM on January 7, 2009 [3 favorites]

What if genetic engineers could alter human DNA so that our tongues were made of bacon?

Nobody would ever be the same after their first kiss.
posted by InfidelZombie at 9:56 AM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

The smell of bacon cooking smells like someone dropped a slimy old boot wrapped in feces laden pig intestines in a vat of boiling leper smegma. Seriously, the basement cafe in my office building sometimes makes a batch of that that wafts up into the lobby. I should sue those bastards for all that olfactory abuse. It really smells like post-coital bubonic plague sufferers.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:58 AM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

Speaking as someone whose two favorite foods are bacon and cheese....

that is fucking disgusting.
posted by tristeza at 10:00 AM on January 7, 2009

All this getting creative and stuff just takes time away from cooking and actually eating bacon.
posted by monospace at 10:04 AM on January 7, 2009

You forgot the hashbrowns.
posted by maudlin at 10:04 AM on January 7, 2009

a friend of our made this at a party, and had various girls rubbing up against him while we were all waiting for the dish to finish baking, each of them blatantly using their feminine charms to get first in line for the awesomeness. That alone was, I think, more worthwhile to him than the finished product.
posted by bl1nk at 10:07 AM on January 7, 2009 [2 favorites]

Not bad, but do you know what it needs to be perfect?

WHITE SAUCE!!!
posted by happyroach at 10:12 AM on January 7, 2009

You forgot the hashbrowns.

We didn't forget the gravy...
posted by Joe Beese at 10:21 AM on January 7, 2009

The smell of bacon cooking smells like someone dropped a slimy old boot wrapped in feces laden pig intestines in a vat of boiling leper smegma.

Here's something for you from the internet.
posted by MrMoonPie at 10:22 AM on January 7, 2009 [2 favorites]

Depending on which browser I'm using, these clowns are either the second or fourth hit on a google search for bacon. What?
posted by Wolfdog at 10:37 AM on January 7, 2009

Yeah, I like bacon and all, but this is kinda gross. Look at it, all slimy and dripping. Yeccchh. Plus, eating one of these probably takes like 5 years off your life expectancy.
posted by DecemberBoy at 10:38 AM on January 7, 2009

CisionPoint - Bacon's Media Database. Duh!
posted by swift at 10:40 AM on January 7, 2009

That's not right. And you know that's not right.
posted by penduluum at 10:48 AM on January 7, 2009

Don't forget to season this with bacon salt.
posted by Joe Beese at 10:56 AM on January 7, 2009

Seems goodness abounds!

My 25 y.o. nephew decided to try his hand at a bacon concotion At the local pork store where all kinds of fresh cuts of pig goodness are available they sell big slabs 'o bacon. Seems these slabs were taunting him every time he went in. What could they be used for?

Not being one to ask questions of the locals, nephew decided to purchase a big slab and grill it = bacon steak!

Procedure: Place slab on grill and cook on low for an hour, maybe two. Watch pretty closely, seems to be shrinking and gaining some translucency. Keep watching, ooohhh, dandelions... over there..... come back to find grill aflame.

Rescue baconcharsteak and cut off most of offending burnt stuff. Eat. Mainly salty. Something like very, very salty fried chicken cooked in old oil.

Pork wins round one. Round two will encompass soaking slab 'o bacon in water first. Maybe will resort to broiling in oven to prevent flame-up.
posted by mightshould at 11:08 AM on January 7, 2009

He needs to weave that bacon jacket around an ostrich Scotch Egg.
posted by benzenedream at 11:13 AM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

Even though my family is mostly vegetarian, I can't give up bacon. I am hardpressed to think of something more tasty than bacon. Unicorn bacon, maybe.

I make my own bacon but dude, this is gross.
posted by Tacodog at 11:33 AM on January 7, 2009

YO DAWG WE HEARD YOU LIKE BACON SO WE BAKED BACON IN YOUR BACON SO YOU CAN BACONBACONBACON IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITS BACOOOOOOOOOOOOON!
posted by Potomac Avenue at 11:33 AM on January 7, 2009 [4 favorites]

Why didn't anyone tell me about scotch eggs?
posted by now i'm piste at 11:44 AM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

"combine your love of pork with your weaving CROCHETING skills"
posted by Asparagirl at 11:44 AM on January 7, 2009

That's nothing compared to bacon-wrapped scrapple.

(I'm from Maryland so Scrapple is basically the greatest food ever for me, I've even been to the town it was supposedly invented in)
posted by martinc6 at 12:05 PM on January 7, 2009

I thank you and my arteries hate you.
posted by Lokisbane at 12:18 PM on January 7, 2009

If I may play the pedant, goat cheese wrapped in bacon is totally common supermarket fare in France, preassembled for you to drop in the frying pan.
posted by Evstar at 12:32 PM on January 7, 2009

so nommy
posted by Hands of Manos at 12:48 PM on January 7, 2009

That stove is from Viking's new "Squalor" line.
posted by Zambrano at 12:55 PM on January 7, 2009

They call it.... THE WIDOWMAKER.

They also call a blockage of the left main coronary artery or proximal left anterior descending coronary artery of the heart a "widowmaker". Making it one and the same as this recipe.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:41 PM on January 7, 2009

WHITE SAUCE!!!

White sauce is horrifying. It's like eating paste. My mother used to serve it over plain baked fish fillets. Bacon would have been much better.
posted by sevenyearlurk at 1:55 PM on January 7, 2009

I think I would like just one bite of that. Just one. A second bite would make me retch.
posted by dios at 2:15 PM on January 7, 2009

If you want to weave bacon, save half of your coronary artery and at least go for the BLT - in a Cup! It's got greens...
posted by anthill at 2:16 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

Ah, bacon on the internet - it almost never fails to disappoint. Being from the UK, every time I follow a link about bacon - only to discover that it features what I would call streaky bacon rather that proper bacon (Canadian bacon to N. Americans, I suppose) - my heart drops a little.

That said, this looks delicious.

But it could have been so much more...
posted by MUD at 3:41 PM on January 7, 2009

For a moment there, I thought someone had hijacked my browser and sent me along to Rate My Poo.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:00 PM on January 7, 2009

Well done, here's your medal
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 4:07 PM on January 7, 2009

I think I just puked a little in my mouth.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 4:51 PM on January 7, 2009

All this talk of sauce and bacon, I went out and got me some Cherry Pink Farms bacon and some english muffins. It's eggs benedict for Autodidact tonight! I poach my eggs in cling wrap so that they come out like perfect little garlic bulb shaped baskets of tasty.
posted by autodidact at 5:20 PM on January 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

First, to martinc6: SCRAPPLE!!! Also from MD, but live in Pittsburgh, now, and man... I had no idea that scrapple was a Maryland thing. I thought they'd have that stuff everywhere. So many people don't know what I'm talking about when I mention scrapple. Stores have it, sometimes, but, well, sigh.

2nd, the end result, Step 5: Roll immediately reminded me of this.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 6:27 PM on January 7, 2009

(heehee) MeatFilter (heehee)
posted by Mister Moofoo at 6:32 PM on January 7, 2009

I'm totally going to use this bacon weaving technique to make myself a breadless Elvis burrito. Weave bacon, bake at 400, spread peanut butter, then jelly on it, then wrap around a ripe banana. MMMMMMM....
posted by BrotherCaine at 7:14 PM on January 7, 2009

Speaking of bacony foods, a local favorite of mine: bacon maple donut.
posted by anarcation at 1:47 AM on January 8, 2009

I just wanted to make sure Bacon Floss get mentioned here so it only gets a previously and not a whole FPP of its own.
posted by cjorgensen at 10:47 AM on January 8, 2009