Desperate Lives. I'm caught in the middle. Desperate Lives. Uh huhh! June 22, 2009 7:24 AMSubscribe
Play Helen Hunt off, Keyboard Cat! So he does. And then he jams. It's a single link to YouTube, and you may skip it if you want. But you're missing out if you do, because as I type this I think this opus is the pinnacle of human achievement. posted by Mayor Curley (131 comments total)
41 users marked this as a favorite
If you have to start apologizing for your post inside of your post, then it's probably not a good idea. And in any case, you should avoid the preemptive apology.
I'm assuming this is something I'd need to (have|be) a (.*) to understand. I just don't know what the hell \2 is... posted by twine42 at 7:29 AM on June 22, 2009 [4 favorites]
At first, I was like - what the F is this crap -
then i saw the cat jamming with Hall and Oates - and i realized its brillance posted by Flood at 7:29 AM on June 22, 2009 [1 favorite]
Also, what trainwreck of a (drug propanghanda?) movie was that Helen Hunt mess. We are intrigued. posted by Decimask at 7:30 AM on June 22, 2009
Back off haters, this is the internet's greatest achievement. posted by minifigs at 7:30 AM on June 22, 2009 [10 favorites]
I don't see any apology either. Nor a need for one. posted by blucevalo at 7:31 AM on June 22, 2009
I think this opus is the pinnacle of human achievement
By which you mean it's kinda funny and you'll forget about it in a week? I liked it too. posted by Nelson at 7:35 AM on June 22, 2009 [3 favorites]
I guess their trip to the mountains on saturday is off. posted by R. Mutt at 7:36 AM on June 22, 2009 [3 favorites]
That was the great "Desperate Lives". I watched it in my 7th grade health class and I never did drugs. posted by JBennett at 7:36 AM on June 22, 2009
Also, what trainwreck of a (drug propanghanda?) movie was that Helen Hunt mess. We are intrigued.
It's called "Desperate Lives," and it was a TV movie. That PCP that she snorted was casually whipped up by that dude in the high school chemistry lab.
Fun Fact: I took a one-semester sociology class in high school that was taught by the basketball coach. He had us watch that movie in class as though it were educational and even tangentally related to sociology while he doodled in a play book. posted by Mayor Curley at 7:37 AM on June 22, 2009 [4 favorites]
This is probably the closest visual representation of one of my dreams I've ever seen. posted by billysumday at 7:44 AM on June 22, 2009 [4 favorites]
s/apology/preemptive defense/
And I've already seen both of these things separately. Are they more awesome together? posted by DU at 7:45 AM on June 22, 2009
Can't wait for the deleted tag-line. posted by cjorgensen at 7:46 AM on June 22, 2009
That cat needs a mustache. posted by chillmost at 7:51 AM on June 22, 2009
But you're missing out if you do, because as I type this I think this opus is the pinnacle of human achievement.
The pinnacle of human achievement, I grant you. But merely a glimpse into the wonders of forthcoming feline achievement. posted by mullacc at 7:51 AM on June 22, 2009 [2 favorites]
I view this as an important step toward the Great Convergence of 2011, when every Internet meme in existence will be fused together in a single YouTube video of such brilliance, such hilarity, such cohesiveness, revealing such fundamental truths, that all humanity will sit rapt before their screens, unable to move or indulge any other activity, until we lie on the verge of extinction, heads cradled in keyboards, our last gasps and breaths gently blowing on the mouse while a single, glistening drop of drool rolls slowly, delicately onto the enter key. posted by brain_drain at 7:52 AM on June 22, 2009 [23 favorites]
He had us watch that movie in class as though it were educational and even tangentally related to sociology while he doodled in a play book.
Content analysis. Cultural studies. Gender. Moral panic. It's "related to sociology" in too many ways to comprehend.
In Critique of Judgment, Kant states, "We call that sublime which is absolutely great". He distinguishes between the "remarkable differences" of the Beautiful and the Sublime, noting that beauty "is connected with the form of the object", while the sublime "a formless object".
This is the Sublime Apotheosis of the internets. posted by xod at 7:52 AM on June 22, 2009 [1 favorite]
all humanity will sit rapt before their screens, unable to move or indulge any other activity, until we lie on the verge of extinction, heads cradled in keyboards, our last gasps and breaths gently blowing on the mouse while a single, glistening drop of drool rolls slowly, delicately onto the enter key.
You need to do that with something of this magnitude because there are always going to be Philistines who are irritated that it's not a series of links to The Economist. Also, this place is full of negative jerks who say that everything sucks, and I ought to know because I'm one of them. posted by Mayor Curley at 7:56 AM on June 22, 2009 [6 favorites]
I saw this the other day and I must say, despite my earlier dismissing of the meme in general, this is the greatest Keyboard Cat video ever.
And I mean 'ever' in the true sense of the word. Not only is this greater than all previous keyboard cat videos, but also greater than all keyboard cat videos to come. At least, in my opinion. posted by Dr-Baa at 8:02 AM on June 22, 2009
...a single YouTube video of such brilliance, such hilarity, such cohesiveness, revealing such fundamental truths that all humanity will sit rapt before their screens, unable to move or indulge any other activity...
OMG IS HELEN H\uNT| OK???? posted by Elmore at 8:04 AM on June 22, 2009
I like the keyboard cat videos where the show the cat briefly before tragedy arrives. It sort of changes the whole meaning behind the keyboard cat videos. Instead of just celebrating human tragedy it seems as though the keyboard cat anticipates it, like he's this omniscient trickster just looking on, aloof and smug, as people wander unwittingly towards misfortune. It's as though all of life that came prior to an accident was just an elaborate trap, bait meant to draw fools towards an accident and humiliation and having finally caught his prey the keyboard cat celebrates joyously. Aha! we think, so that's the trick, fortune and misfortune are all the same in the end, distinguished only by whether it is happening to us or to another, and by whether we can hear the song of the keyboard cat, pounding out a tune looking down on us, the fools below. posted by I Foody at 8:06 AM on June 22, 2009 [114 favorites]
Thanks for this. It contains a lot of things I greatly enjoy: cats, drugs, Hall & Oats, and umm... Helen Hunt.
Watching this on my iPhone, the phone's controls locked up at the Hall & Oats part and all I could do was watch it through. I took it as a sign. posted by Extopalopaketle at 8:07 AM on June 22, 2009
Speaking of weird, last night I had difficulty getting to sleep, and then I dreamed that I was lolling about on a giant slice of home baked ham unable to get to sleep. I did wonder if there was a giant piece of bread under the ham, but then realised that was distracting me from getting to sleep and got annoyed. Then I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. posted by Elmore at 8:08 AM on June 22, 2009 [1 favorite]
well, the helen hunt stuff was just stupid - but keyboard cat sitting in with hall and oates was all sorts of awesome posted by pyramid termite at 8:09 AM on June 22, 2009
also, careful study of this video reveals that it isn't the drugs that get you, it's the kissing posted by pyramid termite at 8:11 AM on June 22, 2009
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP LECTURING THE KIDS AND CALL A PARAMEDIC YOU JUDGMENTAL OGRE posted by Astro Zombie at 8:11 AM on June 22, 2009 [26 favorites]
This is the sort of thing that needs to survive the coming apocalypse. Picture the end of AI, but it is this playing on a loop that they excavate.
Also, please let the youtube comments stay intact.
Get your drugs straight folks.
Helen Hunt: PCP
Hall and Oates: Cocaine posted by Nelson at 8:13 AM on June 22, 2009 [1 favorite]
I like the keyboard cat videos where the show the cat briefly before tragedy arrives. It sort of changes the whole meaning behind the keyboard cat videos
I fear, too early: for my mind misgives
Some consequence yet hanging in the stars
Shall bitterly begin his fearful date
With this night's revels and expire the term
Of a despised life closed in my breast
By some vile forfeit of untimely death.
But He, that hath the steerage of my course,
Direct my sail! Play me off, keyboard cat!
Last line not in pentameter. Accept my apologies. posted by permafrost at 8:14 AM on June 22, 2009 [3 favorites]
I'm struggling to figure out the meaning of Keyboard Cat's decision to play that particular song after the Helen Hunt video. What is he trying to tell us?
I think the key can be found in these lyrics:
On a night when bad dreams become a screamer
When they're messin' with a dreamer
I can laugh it in the face
Twist and shout my way out
And wrap yourself around me
'Cause I ain't the way you found me
I think he's saying that even though things didn't work out for Helen Hunt, you shouldn't let that stop you from experimenting with home-cooked PCP. posted by diogenes at 8:18 AM on June 22, 2009
>Instead of just celebrating human tragedy it seems as though the keyboard cat anticipates it, like he's this omniscient trickster just looking on, aloof and smug, as people wander unwittingly towards misfortune.
That was a moment of silence for my dignity. posted by SkylitDrawl at 8:20 AM on June 22, 2009
The section where everyone is being chastised, and it cuts to the guilt-ridden keyboard cat is probably the best use of that dastardly feline yet.
And according to Zizek:
"Everything is turned back to front. Public order is no longer maintained by hierarchy, repression and strict regulation, and therefore is no longer subverted by liberating acts of transgression. Instead, we have social relations of free and equal individuals, supplemented by ‘passionate attachment’ (Judith Butler) to an extreme form of submission, which functions as the ‘dirty secret,’ the transgressive source of libidinal satisfaction. In a permissive society, the rigidly codified, authoritarian master/slave relationship becomes transgressive. This paradox or reversal is the proper topic of psychoanalysis." posted by gcbv at 8:21 AM on June 22, 2009 [1 favorite]
Ordinarily I would not link to Slate, especially not to a Slate video feature cursed with some of the hammiest acting this side of a middle school term project presentation.
(Yes, it's less meme a go go than the linked vid, but better LOLEIGHTIESfilter to my mind . . .) posted by gompa at 8:22 AM on June 22, 2009
I like the keyboard cat videos where the show the cat briefly before tragedy arrives.
My favorite keyboard cats are the ones where you see the cat getting ready and then hear the drumbeat just a moment before the tragedy. The Golden Girls finale does both of those things really well. posted by uncleozzy at 8:25 AM on June 22, 2009
That's Scotty Palmer from Hardbodies. What the hell ever happened to him? Something tells me he never got a BBD himself. posted by bondcliff at 8:25 AM on June 22, 2009
Yes, a preemptive apology was necessary and appropriate. The entire post was infantile. Is this what the blue is to become, another tired retread of digg and reddit, a pale fark without the snark?
Can't we have just one nice thing on the internet instead of this shit? posted by csw at 8:27 AM on June 22, 2009 [4 favorites]
Mayor Curley regrets nothing!
Well, I am sure he does regret that Grady didn't take Pedro out, that one time. We all do regret that.
This link, instead, is the best thing ever seen on the Internet. posted by matteo at 8:28 AM on June 22, 2009 [3 favorites]
Yes, a preemptive apology was necessary and appropriate. The entire post was infantile. Is this what the blue is to become, another tired retread of digg and reddit, a pale fark without the snark?
Can't we have just one nice thing on the internet instead of this shit?
See, that wasn't a pre-emptive apology, it was a warning to people who don't enjoy silly videos. Now my question for you is, having read said warning, why did you take time out from reading Wittgenstein, drinking port and playing backgammon to watch it? posted by Mayor Curley at 8:36 AM on June 22, 2009 [21 favorites]
MetaFilter: time out from reading Wittgenstein, drinking port and playing backgammon posted by DU at 8:37 AM on June 22, 2009
Oh man, I can't wait to watch this when I get home! posted by bitteroldman at 8:37 AM on June 22, 2009
The entire post was infantile. Is this what the blue is to become, another tired retread of digg and reddit, a pale fark without the snark?
. . . complained the user with 0 posts and 15 comments on the blue, one-third of which are complaints about the quality of posts. posted by brain_drain at 8:39 AM on June 22, 2009 [14 favorites]
I thought that I was growing tired of the keyboard cat meme. I was wrong. Next, I would like to see the keyboard cat play off those reading Wittgenstein, drinking port and playing backgammon. posted by ob at 8:50 AM on June 22, 2009
Oh Keyboard Cat, one day you will fail to amuse, but until that distant day arrives, I will cherish these precious moments we spend together. posted by BoatMeme at 8:53 AM on June 22, 2009 [3 favorites]
Has anyone put the Keyboard Cat in the Zupruder film yet? That'd just about be the best. posted by xmutex at 9:09 AM on June 22, 2009 [1 favorite]
brain_drain. . . complained the user with 0 posts and 15 comments on the blue, one-third of which are complaints about the quality of posts.
ouch, wow, you really got me there. That really put me in my place. No complaints allowed until posting limit exceeded!
Hey, you know that brilliant retort is portable. That's a favorite tactic of Freepers and other mouth-breathers - see a critic, check that posting history first! You don't have to actually respond to any complaint, you don't need to think. Just check the history and if join date < you, or if number of FPP is < your count, argument won!
You are a fool and a poltroon.
(And no, I didn't check your posting history before deciding that.) posted by csw at 9:10 AM on June 22, 2009 [1 favorite]
Keyboard Cat in the Zupruder film yet? That'd just about be the best.
When the craze first started I was surprised no one did 911 posted by fearfulsymmetry at 9:14 AM on June 22, 2009
Oh and joyous to be alive today to see this pinnacle of keyboardcattery posted by fearfulsymmetry at 9:16 AM on June 22, 2009
Oh I spoke too soon! Not the Zapruder film, but...
I'm pretty sure that's the Zapruder film. posted by Bookhouse at 9:19 AM on June 22, 2009
ouch, wow, you really got me there. That really put me in my place. No complaints allowed until posting limit exceeded!
The point being that you haven't contributed much, yourself. And you're furthering that lack of valuable contribution by hanging out in the thread, now, and defending your general statement of 'this belongs somewhere else' with a side helping of 'I am going to shit all over it'.
I'm pretty sure we're mostly all fine of criticism, regardless of whether you have 'enough posts' to do it, but yours isn't constructive or, really, valuable.
I couldn't imagine this being as good as everyone said it was. And then it was better. posted by Navelgazer at 9:27 AM on June 22, 2009 [1 favorite]
brain_drain: "that all humanity will sit rapt before their screens, unable to move or indulge any other activity, until we lie on the verge of extinction, heads cradled in keyboards, our last gasps and breaths gently blowing on the mouse while a single, glistening drop of drool rolls slowly, delicately onto the enter key."
"It's the Pax. The universal aggregated meme that we added to the Intertubes. It was supposed to calm the population, weed out aggression. Well, it works. The people here stopped fighting. And then they stopped everything else. They stopped going to work, they stopped breeding, talking, eating. There's 30 million people here, and they all just let themselves die!" posted by WCityMike at 9:30 AM on June 22, 2009 [3 favorites]
ouch, wow, you really got me there. That really put me in my place. No complaints allowed until posting limit exceeded!
That's not what he's saying, he's saying make your own non-SLYT posts instead of constantly complaining about them. Not everything on Metafilter is for everyone.
I thought the video was pretty dumb at first, but I did like the 'anticipatory' shots of Keyboard Cat, and I think there are several funny comments above addressing this. posted by graventy at 9:33 AM on June 22, 2009
Sandy, don't be a bummer. It's no biggie. posted by BitterOldPunk at 9:34 AM on June 22, 2009
you're mom is a poltroon posted by little e at 9:38 AM on June 22, 2009
ouch, wow, you really got me there. That really put me in my place. No complaints allowed until posting limit exceeded!
Learn what FIAMO means. posted by ob at 9:40 AM on June 22, 2009
csw -- even though you write in complete sentences, you're still just that guy that posts 'this sucks' on a youtube comment page. Don't be that guy. Everybody hates that guy. posted by empath at 9:51 AM on June 22, 2009
Keyboard Cat is trying to tell us that the internet is driving off a cliff while we all yell "Weeeeee!" posted by orme at 9:55 AM on June 22, 2009
You are a fool and a poltroon.
MeFi: 0 posts RSS feed of posts by csw, 16 comments
MetaTalk: 0 posts RSS feed of posts by csw, 0 comments
Ask MeFi: 3 questions RSS feed of posts by csw, 16 answers
Music: 0 posts RSS feed of music posts by csw, 0 comments, 0 playlists
Projects: 0 posts, 0 comments
Jobs: 0 posts
Letter 'o' in insults: 6
Who's the fooltron now?! posted by DU at 9:58 AM on June 22, 2009 [1 favorite]
Just as long as no one hauls out "mountebank". posted by everichon at 10:00 AM on June 22, 2009
Or "scurrilous bounder", though I am starting to suspect that csw may be a scurrilous bounder. posted by everichon at 10:01 AM on June 22, 2009
So a snort the size of a little fingernail got Helen Hunt so high she jumped through a wndow and then ran around freaking out? Where can I score some of that shit? posted by Justinian at 10:02 AM on June 22, 2009
That wasn't PCP, it was Toxoplasma gondii from Keyboard Cat's poop. Keyboard Cat's poop is not a toy, folks. posted by everichon at 10:12 AM on June 22, 2009 [2 favorites]
Baronet of Ruddigore,
Last of our accursed line,
Down upon the oaken floor
Down upon those knees of thine.
Coward, poltroon, shaker, squeamer,
Blockhead, sluggard, dullard, dreamer,
Shirker, shuffler, crawler, creeper,
Sniffler, snuffler, wailer, weeper,
Earthworm, maggot, tadpole, weevil!
Set upon thy course of evil,
Lest the King of Spectre-Land
Set on thee his grisly hand!
And I've already seen both of these things separately. Are they more awesome together?
I'm sorry to say that they are. But that's just my opinion, so if you don't agree, just ignore it. posted by Bort at 10:24 AM on June 22, 2009
Yes, a preemptive apology was necessary and appropriate. The entire post was infantile. Is this what the blue is to become, another tired retread of digg and reddit, a pale fark without the snark?
Someone help me out with something here. I see a lot of people saying "Yeah I saw this on FARK/Digg/Reddit" as a way of saying someone's FPP is crap. If the sites cited are such crap, why are these people visiting them with the frequency to know that such-and-such link was just posted there?
Furthermore, it seems like an internet ad hominem to say "If it was posted on Site X, then it must be crap." Says who? Sometimes a blind pig finds corn, you know? Not to mention the fact that some of us aren't frequenting those sites at all. I don't think I've ever visited Reddit, for example.
I found the video hilarious, and the Hall & Oates bit really brightened my day. That's just my opinion. I liked it because the video editing was done well, and the video maker timed the cat's positions and facial expressions well with what was happening in the Hall & Oates sequence.
Marisa, I like your argument above, but I liked it better the first time when I saw it on HuffPo. You, uh, clapperdudgeon, you! posted by Mister_A at 10:29 AM on June 22, 2009 [2 favorites]
I saw this comment first in a dream within a dream. Of course I had just snorted a line of pure Helen Hunt... posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:31 AM on June 22, 2009
This video made me want to do a line of Dutch Boy cleanser of a wire hanger and scream, "I AM NOT ONE OF YOUR FANS". (That's actually a good thing.) posted by crataegus at 10:36 AM on June 22, 2009
ouch, wow, you really got me there. That really put me in my place. No complaints allowed until posting limit exceeded!
** QUICK SHOT OF KEYBOARD CAT, PAWS POISED **
Hey, you know that brilliant retort is portable. That's a favorite tactic of Freepers and other mouth-breathers - see a critic, check that posting history first! You don't have to actually respond to any complaint, you don't need to think. Just check the history and if join date <>
** KEYBOARD CAT BEGINS TO PLAY CSW OFF... FLASHBACK TO: **
You are a fool and a poltroon.
** KEYBOARD CAT RESTS PAWS ON KEYBOARD, LEANS BACK, EYES CLOSED ** posted by turaho at 10:37 AM on June 22, 2009 [10 favorites]
damn HTML rendering errors posted by turaho at 10:38 AM on June 22, 2009
pure Helen Hunt
No such thing! Her vile heart is as black as night and smells just as sweet. posted by Mister_A at 10:45 AM on June 22, 2009
I want to spend the next hour marching around in a circle, banging a toy drum and yelling "POLTROON" until I pass out. posted by Divine_Wino at 11:48 AM on June 22, 2009 [3 favorites]
KEYBOARD CAT IS MASTURBATING WATCHING YOU posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:53 AM on June 22, 2009
I am waiting for whoever has the Poltroon sockpuppet to please hurry up and post here, my dinner will be ready soon. Ham sandwiches! posted by Elmore at 11:58 AM on June 22, 2009
I have just realized that the word 'lolling', in the sense of something done by a head from side-to-side, is doomed. posted by sixswitch at 1:29 PM on June 22, 2009 [1 favorite]
I have just realized that the word 'lolling', in the sense of something done by a head from side-to-side, is doomed.
Not so! I have occasion to do this more than I care to admit!
If you had a choice to die in a horrible car accident and be frightened out of your wits or to die in a horrible car accident and be enjoying every second of it, would you choose the latter?
TIME Magazine, you used to be classy, then all this talk of Web 2.0 made your little, old brain go fuzzy, and now the interwebs have ensnared you in their timesinks and idle prattle. posted by filthy light thief at 2:51 PM on June 22, 2009
Okay, I thought I was over the Keyboard Cat meme. But then he started jamming with Hall and Oates and looked like he was really getting into it. So the meme is redeemed. posted by darkstar at 3:08 PM on June 22, 2009
>Is this what the blue is to become, another tired retread of digg and reddit, a pale fark without the snark?
>Something has to balance out the filthy light thief posts.
ouch, wow, you really got me there. That really put me in my place. No complaints allowed until posting limit exceeded!
Hey, you know that brilliant retort is portable. That's a favorite tactic of Freepers and other mouth-breathers - see a critic, check that posting history first! You don't have to actually respond to any complaint, you don't need to think. Just check the history and if join date <>
One, it's a funny fucking video. Two, you shouldn't come to a party empty-handed and then bitch that you don't like the hors d'oeuvres. You know how I know you're a bad poster with no credibility? Because someone who hated this post enough to fucking flip out the way you did upthread should have - would have - posted it to MetaTalk. So flag it and move on, post a thread in MetaTalk, or just fucking shut up about it. posted by Optimus Chyme at 3:55 PM on June 22, 2009
Metafilter: Can't we have just one nice thing on the internet instead of this shit? posted by tzikeh at 8:44 PM on June 22, 2009
So a snort the size of a little fingernail got Helen Hunt so high she jumped through a wndow and then ran around freaking out? Where can I score some of that shit?
Is there a high school with a chem lab nearby? Because her boyfriend whipped that up in about 30 seconds. I'm assuming it's true to life because it was on TV. posted by Mayor Curley at 4:24 PM on June 23, 2009
Warning: PCP may cause hilarious fingernail-related continuity errors. posted by Sys Rq at 6:51 PM on June 25, 2009
posted by burnmp3s at 7:26 AM on June 22, 2009