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The Immaculate Consumption
August 25, 2009 2:59 PM   Subscribe


 
I fear THE DESTROILET.

SEEK... LOCATE... DEFECATE... INCINERATE!
posted by GuyZero at 3:14 PM on August 25, 2009 [1 favorite]


The "treasure magnet" in the first link was available through that same ad far less than 50 years ago.
posted by StickyCarpet at 3:15 PM on August 25, 2009


But without the spam of today I'd have to enjoy those items with tiny flaccid penis.
posted by mazola at 3:38 PM on August 25, 2009 [2 favorites]


I'm pretty sure the "lifestyles" ad is more recent than 50 years.
posted by MrMoonPie at 4:00 PM on August 25, 2009




I used to regret not sending away for the vacuum cleaner hovercraft blueprints advertised in the back of Boy's Life. Thank God some internet hero put the secret online.
posted by Iridic at 4:07 PM on August 25, 2009 [2 favorites]


Hmmm...


You know, for all his supposed advertising genius and almost diabolic creative energy, he never really had to do a hard sell. Airlines, photo-albums, lipstick. smokes ..these things can sell themselves. Not to say he's not good at his job, but they're hardly huge hurdles.

What I'm saying is, I wanna see Don Draper try to sell the life-sized walking booby. With lace trim.
posted by The Whelk at 4:09 PM on August 25, 2009


"My first job, I was in house at a fur company with this old pro copywriter, Greek, named Teddy. And Teddy told me the most important idea in advertising is ‘new’. Creates an itch. You simply put your product in there as a kind of calamine lotion.

"But he also talked about a deeper bond with the product, ‘nostalgia’. It’s delicate, but potent. Sweetheart. Teddy told me that in Greek nostalgia literally means the pain from an old wound. It’s a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone.

"This lace-trimmed booby isn’t walking forward, but backward. It takes us to those parked cars, movie theater back rows, and parent's couches where we ache to go again. It lets us travel the way the hand of a sweaty, virginal teen travels. Jiggling and wiggling and wriggling back home again to a place where we know we are loved.”
posted by Your Disapproving Father at 4:39 PM on August 25, 2009 [5 favorites]


Sixty years ago, you could get yourself a Sears catalog and order up a house. How is your tiny luggage going to compare?
posted by boo_radley at 4:40 PM on August 25, 2009


This sort of happed to me, in reverse. Stuck at the doctor's office, I started reading National Geographic. A huge pile of them. I kept thinking this or that was no longer a theory, but a proven fact long ago. At the end of one of them in the back was an ad for the shiny new, just-you wait, Pentax K 1000. Becoming suspicious, I checked the date on front of the magazine, and and all were from the fifties; someone had cleaned their garage. Much later, NG sold the entire set, every one ever published, including the ads. I greedily purchased the the entire set for a lot more money than I should have, just before they quit selling the CDs because of copyright violations.
(I once spent 6 weeks on my back in a cast. and I swore I would never get caught without 6 weeks worth of something to do again in the house.
posted by unrepentanthippie at 5:09 PM on August 25, 2009


I can't decide whether to make my fortune breeding nutria, or selling Micro Fluff...
posted by Tube at 5:22 PM on August 25, 2009


The Military Police Billy....for fishermen. Well alrighty then. I used to stun my salmon with my brass knuckles, but I can see now that that was plain foolishness.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:08 PM on August 25, 2009


I used to regret not sending away for the vacuum cleaner hovercraft blueprints advertised in the back of Boy's Life.

I thought it was MAD magazine and lawn-mower-powered but yeah. I used to envision myself pulling up to some girl's second-story window to blow her mind at how cool I was on ... a ... I'll come back when I can drive.
posted by Camofrog at 7:44 PM on August 25, 2009


Can't favorite Your Disapproving Father enough.

Metafilter: It's not a spaceship; it's a time machine.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 8:50 PM on August 25, 2009


I want an I.O.G.W. decal.
posted by HumanComplex at 7:16 AM on August 26, 2009


Ah yes, advertising in the years before disclaimers. They could never have sold a single sea monkey if they had to admit they were nothing but brine shrimp.

This comment should not be interpreted as representing the opinion of the author unless specifically stated so in this disclaimer. This post may have options not available from your dealer. Your mileage may vary. Readers under the age of 21 are specifically forbidden from reading this post and/or disclaimer.
posted by tommasz at 10:05 AM on August 26, 2009


pretty cool, why do old adverts fascinte?
posted by flexiverse at 10:18 AM on August 27, 2009


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