It's the most stupid thing I think I've seen in my whole life.
July 8, 2016 1:50 PM   Subscribe

Nivea is worried that your kids aren't wearing enough sunscreen and their new ad aims to fix that from above.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage (67 comments total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
 
Given that Nivea is actually SELLING sunscreen, they'd probably be happiest if we all bought a new bottle every day and just threw it in the trash without even opening it, just to buy another bottle the next day, etc rinse repeat.

They don't care about our kids. They care about selling sunscreen.
posted by hippybear at 1:53 PM on July 8, 2016 [10 favorites]


I hope this catches on and we get a Nougat Crow and a Nutella Sparrow and a Starbucks Tit
posted by msbutah at 1:58 PM on July 8, 2016 [23 favorites]


Sir John Hegarty must not have children, because most kids I know would find that thing hilarious.

Of course, they would probably spend most of their time running about and trying not to get hit, so it might be counterproductive in the end.
posted by madajb at 2:01 PM on July 8, 2016 [4 favorites]


That's an awesome ad. Completely stupid, but awesome all the same.

IMHO people in North America are way, way too complacent about UV exposure.

On the flip side, most sunscreen sold in North America contains chemicals such as oxybenzone, 4-isopropyl-dibenzoylmethane, PABA (para-aminobenzoic acid), esters, avobenzone, and cinnamates that actually *cause* a contact photoallergy. I'm pretty sure Nivea is the same (we have never been able to find sunscreen in North America free of those chemicals).

It's really messed up.
posted by My Dad at 2:01 PM on July 8, 2016 [2 favorites]


Man, that is some Festo level of weirdness.
posted by Confess, Fletch at 2:02 PM on July 8, 2016


So, beaches are not so full of already annoying seagulls that someone decided to create a special, uniquely annoying, drone seagull? That... feels like a solution in search of a problem.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:06 PM on July 8, 2016 [3 favorites]


They don't care about our kids. They care about selling sunscreen.

did you even watch the video
they care about pooping on kids
posted by phunniemee at 2:08 PM on July 8, 2016 [62 favorites]


I never cared about, like, quadcopters and stuff, but a drone that looks like a bird and can, uh, dispense liquid? Suddenly I'm interested.
posted by box at 2:10 PM on July 8, 2016 [12 favorites]


Nutella Sparrow

I think you mean a gene-spliced nutella shitting moose wandering across newfoundland with herds of children following it through the wilderness.
posted by GuyZero at 2:10 PM on July 8, 2016 [34 favorites]


But apparently it isn't a parody.

How did the AdWeek writer reach this conclusion? Everything about this reads as an intentionally absurd ad campaign designed to garner maximum views and/or clicks. What makes this any different from a thousand other similarly stupid 21st century viral ad campaigns?
posted by Atom Eyes at 2:11 PM on July 8, 2016 [8 favorites]


Everything about this reads as an intentionally absurd ad campaign designed to garner maximum views and/or clicks. What makes this any different from a thousand other similarly stupid 21st century viral ad campaigns?

See synonyms at.
posted by phunniemee at 2:14 PM on July 8, 2016


Hey My Dad, DeVita Solar Body Moisturizer is a mineral sunscreen that doesn't appear to have any of those ingredients but I'm not a chemist and could be wrong. I bought it in a California health vitamin-ish place.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:16 PM on July 8, 2016 [4 favorites]


I love the smiling Nivea workers at the end.

"Hi, we're with the company that made the giant robo-raptor seagull that just shat sunscreen all over your kid, possibly in his/her eye or mouth - the one that was being controlled by the 2 guys who were not-at-all creepily watching you and your children without your knowledge while they were hidden off somewhere. Have a free sample product!"

Also, sorry about your potato salad, we're still getting some of the guidance systems sorted...
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 2:18 PM on July 8, 2016 [4 favorites]


I thought it was both dumb and amusing. Of course, all those people onscreen had to be actors so it's not like any actual in-person marketing was going on.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:21 PM on July 8, 2016 [3 favorites]


> Everything about this reads as an intentionally absurd ad campaign designed to garner maximum views and/or clicks. What makes this any different from a thousand other similarly stupid 21st century viral ad campaigns?

Reminds me a little of the "I'd hit it!" ad for fast food hamburgers that came out way back in the internet middle ages. feigned cluelessness is an effective way to get free advertising when "let's laugh at the clueless company!" is a primary form of entertainment.

really though, advance warning, should we ever set up some kind of post-scarcity society I will likely spend all of my free time and a big chunk of my basic income designing, building, and releasing various animal-like candy-crapping robots.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 2:21 PM on July 8, 2016 [9 favorites]


If I hid behind bushes at a beach and piloted a remote controlled bird that pooped on kids I'd be arrested.
posted by FallowKing at 2:26 PM on July 8, 2016 [10 favorites]


On the flip side, most sunscreen sold in North America contains chemicals such as oxybenzone, 4-isopropyl-dibenzoylmethane, PABA (para-aminobenzoic acid), esters, avobenzone, and cinnamates that actually *cause* a contact photoallergy.

Do... you... have a source for that? Because the medical science seems to indicate that True Photoallergy to Sunscreens is Rare Despite Popular Belief. Also among the chemicals you list, "esters" result from a number of natural metabolic processes and are present in, e.g., almost all fruits among other foods. I mean, use whatever sunscreen you want, but it strikes me as odd to complain that people are too complacent about UV exposure and at the same time propagate myths about one of the most popular solutions to that issue.
posted by Joey Buttafoucault at 2:29 PM on July 8, 2016 [38 favorites]


This was someone's job. They got paid to design and build a bird shaped sunscreen drone. I'm totally jealous of that person.
posted by JDHarper at 2:29 PM on July 8, 2016 [20 favorites]


yes, exactly. The problem is not that people were paid to design and build a bird shaped sunscreen crapdrone. It's that not everyone has the chance to get paid to design bird shaped sunscreen crapdrones.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 2:32 PM on July 8, 2016 [38 favorites]



Nutella Sparrow

I think you mean a gene-spliced nutella shitting moose wandering across newfoundland with herds of children following it through the wilderness.


brb learning tracking skills
posted by lalochezia at 2:40 PM on July 8, 2016 [5 favorites]


all crapped over by machines of loving grace.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 2:41 PM on July 8, 2016 [22 favorites]


It's amusing, I like it, and it's better than REI's sanctimonious spot that won.
You suck, John Hegarty.
And I don't care if you have been knighted, Centrefield is a shitty song.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 2:45 PM on July 8, 2016 [4 favorites]


Because when a bird pops on you, your first thought is to smear it all over your body.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 2:46 PM on July 8, 2016 [13 favorites]


yes, exactly. The problem is not that people were paid to design and build a bird shaped sunscreen crapdrone. It's that not everyone has the chance to get paid to design bird shaped sunscreen crapdrones.

The other problem is that I'm pretty sad someone didn't pay me to hang out at the beach all day pretending to be the (grand)parent of a child actor being sunscreen-crapped on by the drone.
posted by FelliniBlank at 2:47 PM on July 8, 2016 [2 favorites]


Genius. I was not mentioned at cannes at all last time I went shitting on children at the beach.
posted by cmoj at 2:48 PM on July 8, 2016 [8 favorites]


The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel.

They set a slamhound on Turner's trail in New Delhi, slotted it to his pheromones and the color of his hair.

The ghost was her father’s parting gift, presented by a black-clad secretary in a departure lounge at Narita.

A gene-spliced Nutella-shitting moose wandered across Newfoundland with herds of children following it through the wilderness.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 2:48 PM on July 8, 2016 [47 favorites]


William Gibson, consider it my gift to you. I will buy that novel (because I buy all your novels)
posted by GuyZero at 2:53 PM on July 8, 2016 [1 favorite]


a gene-spliced nutella shitting moose wandering across newfoundland with herds of children following it through the wilderness.

I read this and the first thing that popped into my head was that the other day I promised to tell my daughter the story of the Pied Piper.

I better pick up some Nutella on the way home.
posted by nickmark at 3:11 PM on July 8, 2016 [2 favorites]


> I read this and the first thing that popped into my head was that the other day I promised to tell my daughter the story of the Pied Piper.

see now I'm picturing you trying to explain middle-out to your daughter. and it's no good. no good at all.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 3:15 PM on July 8, 2016 [6 favorites]


I hope this catches on and we get a Nougat Crow and a Nutella Sparrow and a Starbucks Tit

Just to clarify for non-Brits, in case it is not obvious from the set it is included in, a Tit is family of bird in the UK.
posted by srboisvert at 3:22 PM on July 8, 2016 [2 favorites]


Leave us Yanks to our dreams, why don't you.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 3:24 PM on July 8, 2016 [13 favorites]


Honestly a teat that dispensed flat white would be far more interesting.
posted by GuyZero at 3:25 PM on July 8, 2016 [3 favorites]


That... feels like a solution in search of a problem.

It's a solution to the existing problem of "we need an ad campaign that people will post around the internet." It works. It even got a MeFi thread where the very first comment implies that the ultimate act of rebellion would be to use the product.
posted by The World Famous at 3:44 PM on July 8, 2016 [3 favorites]


As someone who just got shat on by a seagull two weekends ago, I dunno if I would've enjoyed this. At the very least there would've been about the same amount of expletives that I yelled.
posted by numaner at 3:52 PM on July 8, 2016


"...the PR department of the client doesn't want PR for it, so we do not promote it."

You don't say.


'No shit', surely.
posted by Capt. Renault at 3:53 PM on July 8, 2016 [1 favorite]


I just showed this to my 16 year old, who said it was not *the* stupidest thing they had seen in their life, but it was close.
posted by Sublimity at 3:54 PM on July 8, 2016 [1 favorite]


Do... you... have a source for that? Because the medical science seems to indicate that True Photoallergy to Sunscreens is Rare Despite Popular Belief.

Yes, the scars on my wife's skin. I hadn't heard that mentioning photoallergic reaction was the equivalent of being a Truther or talking about chemtrails. Thanks for the edumacation.
posted by My Dad at 3:57 PM on July 8, 2016 [1 favorite]


If you want a vision of the future, imagine a robot seagull poopping on a human back - forever.
posted by happyroach at 4:02 PM on July 8, 2016 [8 favorites]


If you want a vision of the future, imagine a robot seagull poopping on a human back - forever.

OK. But this better not awaken anything in me.
posted by Atom Eyes at 4:23 PM on July 8, 2016 [3 favorites]


This was someone's job. They got paid to design and build a bird shaped sunscreen drone. I'm totally jealous of that person.

ehhh... the Festo seagull drone has been around for several years now; this is the first time someone's had the ingenuity to make it crap sunscreen, though.

probably their DARPA funding dried up and they had to figure out another way to monetize it.

ok i am jealous that i didn't get to propose this for one of our drones at my old job.
posted by indubitable at 4:33 PM on July 8, 2016


oh god a little quad rotor crapping out sunscreen like that ketchup failbot
posted by indubitable at 4:34 PM on July 8, 2016


You have to be very clever to come up with something this stupid.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 4:34 PM on July 8, 2016 [4 favorites]


(we have never been able to find sunscreen in North America free of those chemicals).

Try Badger Balm unscented 30SPF?
posted by sebastienbailard at 4:46 PM on July 8, 2016 [1 favorite]


I so want to have been in THAT meeting.
posted by _dario at 4:57 PM on July 8, 2016


There's a previously full of great suggestions for all types of sunscreens.
posted by numaner at 5:01 PM on July 8, 2016 [4 favorites]


To be fair, it beats the previous campaign: "Let the Gingers Die."
posted by klangklangston at 5:21 PM on July 8, 2016 [2 favorites]


Can it poop SlurpeeTM into my mouth?
posted by blue_beetle at 5:40 PM on July 8, 2016


Sploosh
posted by dirigibleman at 6:11 PM on July 8, 2016


OK, now having watched the commercial, my previous comment is kind of creepy.
posted by dirigibleman at 6:15 PM on July 8, 2016 [2 favorites]


In defense of the Nivea brand, I grew up with abnormally dry skin in the 1960s (the only benefit was less of the acne that accompanies greasy skin in my adolescence) and the original Nivea cream was the only thing keeping my face from being covered with lizard-scale-like flakes in grade school. I had enough reasons for bullies to pick on me without being Lizard Boy. And I was been bird-pooped on enough to have rather had Nivea.
posted by oneswellfoop at 6:15 PM on July 8, 2016


I hung out in Dolores Park all Saturday during SF Pride 2 weekends ago. There was a hot dude walking around in just his undies and a cape giving out sunscreen. Much better than a seagull would do again.
posted by Strass at 6:24 PM on July 8, 2016 [6 favorites]


the Festo seagull drone has been around for several years now

The festo (actually built by airstage) seagull is WAY more sophisticated than this seagull- it actually mimics the way seagulls fly, this one is basically a fixed wing prop driven rc plane.
posted by kingv at 6:26 PM on July 8, 2016


Sir John Hegarty must not have children

I went to middle school in a 60s vintage building that had a chemical shower in each of its science rooms. We periodically pulled these on one another, and once - to legend-birthing and suspension-inducing effect - on a teacher.

Anyhow, I now have two kids that need to be tediously, aggravatingly sunscreened every goddamn summer morning before camp or playing outside, and I think about those chemical showers regularly. I'd love to be able to just shove the kids in and get them instantaneously hosed down from head to toe with SPF 30.
posted by ryanshepard at 6:26 PM on July 8, 2016 [2 favorites]


All told there's less than one second of combined footage of the bird "flying", and not a single shot establishing that it actually dispensed anything onto anyone. I understand it's inherently an ad but at a meta level it's probably still a lie.
posted by grog at 6:28 PM on July 8, 2016 [3 favorites]


A gene-spliced Nutella-shitting moose wandered across Newfoundland with herds of children following it through the wilderness.

Possible patent infringement? Link
posted by NanErwin at 6:48 PM on July 8, 2016 [1 favorite]


The fart noises really brought it up a notch for me. I approve.
posted by joan_holloway at 7:33 PM on July 8, 2016 [4 favorites]


Strass, please tell me there are photos.
posted by msbutah at 8:35 PM on July 8, 2016 [1 favorite]


On the flip side, most sunscreen sold in North America contains chemicals such as oxybenzone, 4-isopropyl-dibenzoylmethane, PABA (para-aminobenzoic acid), esters, avobenzone, and cinnamates that actually *cause* a contact photoallergy. I'm pretty sure Nivea is the same (we have never been able to find sunscreen in North America free of those chemicals).

What???
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 9:16 PM on July 8, 2016


Strass, please tell me there are photos.

This was one of the first image results for "Dolores Pride Sunscreen".

After a bit more poking around, here's our hero.
posted by sebastienbailard at 11:27 PM on July 8, 2016 [7 favorites]


...that actually *cause* a contact photoallergy.

This is the problematic statement here. Because those things don't definitely always cause an allergy as you appear to be saying, but instead can cause a reaction in the very small number of individuals who happen to be allergic to one of those ingredients. Just like anything else. So yeah, your wife needs to avoid whichever of those things she's allergic to, but that doesn't mean everyone else does too. Zinc-based mineral sunscreens are probably the way to go for her (assuming she's not allergic to zinc as well) since they screen UV via the zinc particles rather than using chemical UV blockers such as PABAs or avobenzene etc. Check the label of course since some use both, but it's more likely to be a fruitful place to look since sunscreen does need something in there that actually blocks the UV from getting through.

Personally, I use Nivea sunscreen and I like it. It actually gives the level of cover promised on the packaging (when used correctly), it's not greasy on my skin, and there's nothing in there I'm allergic to. Skin care products that comply with these requirements is a relatively small list in general, and sunscreen even more so. This ad is a bit eye rolling for sure, but not enough to sway my sunscreen habits either way at this point.
posted by shelleycat at 4:49 AM on July 9, 2016 [3 favorites]


For Nutella I'd need a Mammoth at least.
posted by Namlit at 5:21 AM on July 9, 2016


...that actually *cause* a contact photoallergy.

This is exactly what's problematic about so much of popular science writing. The focus is almost always on X causes Y with NO indication whatsoever of the size (magnitude) of the effect.

It makes absolutely no sense to ignore effect size. I can't think of a better way to drive the public towards ignoring scientific findings than presenting them with every significant finding regardless of effect size--and typically with little to no mention of effect size. The only reasonable reaction on the behalf of the public is to gradually move towards "I don't care anymore".
posted by patrickdbyers at 10:49 AM on July 9, 2016 [3 favorites]


'No shit', surely.

I never shit. And don't call me Shirley.

wait
posted by Existential Dread at 1:07 PM on July 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


They don't care about our kids. They care about selling sunscreen.

This may well be true. I have no insight into Nivea corporate culture.

BUT, I don't think the general rule being implied here is necessarily correct. I think it's possible to be in business for reasons that include profit and benefit to society. In fact, I'm making a pretty large bet on that by trying to get my own business off the ground that is specifically organized along those lines. In other words, what I'm trying to do is make a profit so as to make a sustainable effort to help solve some social issues viable. I would also point to the rise of benefit corporations.

For profit business is a tool and it can be used in a lot of different ways.
posted by LastOfHisKind at 3:56 PM on July 9, 2016


Nivea is the essential fall-out shelter creame.
posted by clavdivs at 12:02 AM on July 10, 2016


I went to middle school in a 60s vintage building that had a chemical shower in each of its science rooms. We periodically pulled these on one another, and once - to legend-birthing and suspension-inducing effect - on a teacher.

When I was in school it was made clear to us that under no circumstances were we to use the chemical showers unless there were literally dangerous chemicals on someone. We were told that if we did, we would regret it for the rest of our middle-school lives, which, when you're 12 seems like eternity. I never heard of a shower-pulling incident but, probably because of the dire warnings of suspension, I have always been EXTREMELY curious as to what would happen.
posted by chainsofreedom at 6:20 AM on July 10, 2016


I'd love to be able to just shove the kids in and get them instantaneously hosed down from head to toe with SPF 30

i would absolutely fund this kickstarter campaign

except mine would involve a conveyor belt and a wall of chocolate except instead of chocolate, sunscreen

i am not well
posted by ostranenie at 8:00 AM on July 10, 2016 [3 favorites]


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