Let The Savings Wash Over You

November 23, 2018 11:38 AM

99% Off Sale from the folks behind Cards Against Humanity. Literally 99% off items, new items posted every 10 minutes.

Items appear to actually be on sale. Who knows what will be next?

posted by hippybear (333 comments total)

I managed to get the Fiji trip into my cart, but their website locked me out when I tried to pay for it. Feels like buying concert tickets.
posted by higginba at 11:41 AM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

Poncho Toilet

I laughed so loud at this our neighbour's dog started barking.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 11:42 AM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

:D
posted by evilDoug at 11:47 AM on November 23, 2018

This reminds me of woot-offs, back before woot was ruined.
posted by Pope Guilty at 11:52 AM on November 23, 2018 [22 favorites]

This is amazing. (The woman who got the Orlando Bloom cutout posted on Twitter, but I'm dying to know who snapped up the halberd.)
posted by kalimac at 11:52 AM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

The first one I saw was a Goat Hair Slide and now I'm worried for the thighs of children that would play on that.
posted by Quindar Beep at 11:53 AM on November 23, 2018

We eat a lot of chickpeas, I bet we could go through 500lbs in a few years...
posted by uncleozzy at 11:54 AM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

I'd go for the 500lbs of chickpeas but I'm in Canada and can only imagine the shipping/duty on it.
posted by furtive at 12:00 PM on November 23, 2018

Bust of Obama now
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 12:02 PM on November 23, 2018

I thought those chickpeas were mine. Too slow on the shipping details though.
posted by hwyengr at 12:03 PM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

Yeah, sadly "All items except the Absurd Box are available only in the US."

Boo
I wanted a LELO "Olga" 24-Karat Gold Dildo for (3500 USD!)
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 12:04 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

ASCEND THE CRYSTALLINE CATHEDRAL OF SAVINGS
posted by halation at 12:04 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

I'm amazed that such a terrible game has earnt enough money for them to so regularly do this sort of nonsense.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 12:06 PM on November 23, 2018 [28 favorites]

I find this their most amusing stunt yet. Which, given that my amusement at CAH itself petered out somewhere halfway through my second game, is pretty good going.
posted by howfar at 12:06 PM on November 23, 2018 [9 favorites]

I find this their most amusing stunt yet

Personally, I liked "dig a hole" and "fill it up again" - very Zen.
posted by jkaczor at 12:08 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

Omg that picture of the cheese.
posted by obfuscation at 12:10 PM on November 23, 2018

In case you were wondering what an Alchemical Rainbow Crystal Harp with Silver Ions sounds like.
posted by furtive at 12:13 PM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

I tried to buy the Obama bust, but I got an error when I entered my CC info :( That would have made a great Christmas gift.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:13 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

"Poncho Toilet"

Absolutely the worst sidekick to feature in a foundational work of the Western literary canon.
posted by howfar at 12:13 PM on November 23, 2018 [18 favorites]

You guys find it weird that given the anti-consumerist tone of media about 1970-2001 that we don’t talk about runaway consumerism at all anymore? Is it cause no one can afford anything? Does it seem too adbustery and embarrassing? Is acknowledging that we produce too much crap at thousand percent markup just stating the obvious? Is everything just a casino now?
posted by The Whelk at 12:14 PM on November 23, 2018 [41 favorites]

The captchas for each item are amusing. The cost of shipping, if you can even get to that page without it error-ing out, generally appears to be exorbitant.
posted by merriment at 12:18 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

#optoutside seems to have been taken up by the outdoor industry as a counterpoint to mass consumerism on Black Friday. The CAH 99% sale takes the savings arms race to the brink of its logical conclusion in an absurdist manner.
posted by furtive at 12:19 PM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

Yes maybe no yes yes. This is transcendant marketing however
posted by q*ben at 12:20 PM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

The cost of shipping, if you can even get to that page without it error-ing out, generally appears to be exorbitant.

I was given the option of free shipping for the bust, FWIW.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:20 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

I find this their most amusing stunt yet. Which, given that my amusement at CAH itself petered out somewhere halfway through my second game, is pretty good going.

The game locked itself into being horrible from the jump; they have a lot more freedom to be amusing along different axes in their other stunts.

or along different halberds
posted by Etrigan at 12:21 PM on November 23, 2018 [17 favorites]

notonedime
posted by humboldt32 at 12:21 PM on November 23, 2018

I was also offered free shipping for the chickpeas.
posted by mosst at 12:21 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

It'd be interesting to have some info in a couple of weeks or so on p[eople who managed to buy any of these things.
Like, a little talking head of someone who got a car for $100 or a Coffin or far far too many Garbanzo beans.

Because some of them are clearly pretty cool (The car, the holiday, I guess the TV potentially?) but some of them (The coffin, the arcade game) might end up being very much millstones.

Which.. of course makes me think, they really should sell a millstone (or a literal white elephant), just to see if someone buys it and then what they actually do with it.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 12:23 PM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

Oh, interesting! Both items I got to the shipping part for had shipping at $40+.
posted by merriment at 12:23 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

Fuck You Jeff Bezos!
posted by Fizz at 12:24 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

Odds on a literal millstone or white elephant being up for sale before we're done?
posted by Quindar Beep at 12:30 PM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

Which.. of course makes me think, they really should sell a millstone

"Neck lanyard not included."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 12:31 PM on November 23, 2018 [6 favorites]

(Sorry, I'm obsessed, now. The shipping for this latest one actually says, "Add $48.51 for free shipping.")
posted by merriment at 12:31 PM on November 23, 2018 [7 favorites]

Regarding the Obama bust: while walking back home after seeing his first inauguration (so heavily attended that we would have been closer to the action on our couch at home), we couldn't resist the street vendor selling one of these.
posted by exogenous at 12:32 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

I believe shipping is free if your purchase is over $50. Or something.

In other words, add a couple of their card decks on to get free shipping.
posted by hippybear at 12:32 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

Shame it's US only. Would be handy for Quonsmas.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 12:34 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

Holy shit! I got free shipping and I could get that LayZBoy in my house if I want it.
posted by hippybear at 12:42 PM on November 23, 2018 [7 favorites]

"Request Rate Limit Exceeded"

I don't know what that means, but I got to the point where I entered payment information for a $20 LayZBoy.

Also, one page said "add $30.xx for free shipping" but as I went through the process, free shipping was an option.
posted by hippybear at 12:46 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

I prefer the shitty Ticketmaster system where if you saw the order details, you were gold. This has been heartbreak after heartbreak on getting zonked at the CC info page.

I may try to find that Obama bust at full price.
posted by hwyengr at 12:46 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

I wonder who in the office drew the short straw and had to do all the product modeling in that Zentai suit.
posted by merriment at 12:48 PM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

I wanted to order the LayZBoy to see if this was real, but then chickened out on the off chance I might end up owning a LayZBoy.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 12:50 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

One of you US based folk need to buy something just so I can get my stories of how you feel after you accidentally bought 6 tons of fresh oranges or something.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 12:51 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

I love that the ordering form is designed to make payment more challenging. The "prove you're not a robot" task changes with the product. And the request for the credit card information doesn't allow me to use the autofill card information stored in system. Everyone's in a race.
posted by meese at 12:52 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

I had a brief conversation with mr hippybear about suddenly having a LayZBoy before I tried to complete the order, which may be what doomed me.
posted by hippybear at 12:52 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

The "request rate limit exceeded" is Stripe's API limiting the calls because too many people are trying to order.
posted by Jacob G at 12:52 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

I love that the ordering form is designed to make payment more challenging. The "prove you're not a robot" task changes with the product. And the request for the credit card information doesn't allow me to use the autofill card information stored in system. Everyone's in a race.

Yes, this is a remarkable work of performance art about Late Capitalism from the Consumer standpoint. The random nature of the products being offered have you on edge for what comes next (every 10 minutes), and then the whole Race To Actually Buy It is sort of like the bloodsport shopping Black Friday openings at Walmarts reported every year only without actual blood.

It's very clever.
posted by hippybear at 12:54 PM on November 23, 2018 [30 favorites]

At least you got to the credit card page, after I answered the captcha it told me it was unavailable. That double cat stroller would have been a SWEET gift for my friend with two giant rabbits.
posted by jadepearl at 12:55 PM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

Dammit, I really could have used that double cat stroller.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:55 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

Ok...since we're all here waiting for the next deal to appear...Can someone tell me why Cards Against Humanity is terrible? I played it once at a dinner party and it seemed mildly amusing and inoffensive enough.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 12:57 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

Of course, we've all now gone through very precise planning for where the Herbeau "Dagobert" Toilet Throne fits into our home decor.
posted by meese at 12:57 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

At the moment I only have one cat, and he has panic attacks in confined, cagelike spaces. And yet, I still yearned for the double cat stroller.
posted by kalimac at 12:59 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

Ok...since we're all here waiting for the next deal to appear...Can someone tell me why Cards Against Humanity is terrible? I played it once at a dinner party and it seemed mildly amusing and inoffensive enough.

I think it depends on who you play it with -- you likely struck gold your first time out. Most times I've played it it has turned into a race to see who could come up with the most offensive answer.

(It can be played well, but you need a group of good storytellers/creatives who don't default to 'the biggest horror wins!')
posted by kalimac at 1:00 PM on November 23, 2018 [6 favorites]

I don't like it as a game because it doesn't give me or my friends any chance to be funny.
My friends are funnier than the people who make it. But all you get to do is mix and max what you get. There's only so many times each answer can be funny.
But with something like FunEmployed (for example) the game facilitates us being funny on our terms.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 1:01 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

GERi Nursing Skills Geriatric Medical Doll
$1,769.00 now $17.69
Interchangeable female and uncircumcised male genitalia
Intramuscular injection sites at arm, thigh, and buttock
Great for dinner parties!

Someone is going to be very surprised this secret quonsar season.
posted by inflatablekiwi at 1:09 PM on November 23, 2018 [17 favorites]

40" disco ball? OH HELL YES!
posted by hippybear at 1:11 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

How offensive a game of Cards Against Humanity depends on the group playing it. It's a game that lets you make jokes that could legitimately be hurtful to other people sitting at the table: rape jokes, Holocaust jokes, racist jokes. Some of that's deliberately designed (the "poorly-timed Holocaust jokes" or "surprise sex" cards), and some of that's the combinations that the players come up with themselves.

Some people just get rid of or never play these cards. Some people try to play them subversively - which can still be hurtful if it's not the right group for it. Some people think it's subversive to just play the most offensive thing possible.

I like it as a once-in-a-while party game. It can be fun in a group that rewards clever combinations rather than the most awful ones. But it can also be tedious or hurtful in the wrong group.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 1:13 PM on November 23, 2018 [9 favorites]

The ticker tape border is killing me. "I love you" is my favorite I think.
posted by iamkimiam at 1:16 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

Here's one lucky winner.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 1:17 PM on November 23, 2018 [7 favorites]

The "request rate limit exceeded" is Stripe's API limiting the calls because too many people are trying to order.

It seems like this has been a stress test on many of their vendors. Blackbox, the shipping company they created (and which provides the "Buy" buttons for client websites), seems to be one of the hardest hit -- it looks like CAH traffic might be knocking those Buy buttons offline for other, smaller clients, too, which is unfortunate.

I imagine they're also DoSing their address validator and the like, which explains some of the other errors in the checkout flow.
posted by jdherg at 1:18 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

40" disco ball? OH HELL YES!

I mean, it's big, shiny, spherical, and really fuckin' big. I'm sold! Or would be if I still lived in a place big enough to acquire completely random stuff like this.
posted by ubersturm at 1:18 PM on November 23, 2018

Dammit, their captcha stumped me and by the time I had it, it was sold out.
posted by hippybear at 1:22 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

$67,347 retail value for the items up to and including the face mask.
posted by furtive at 1:24 PM on November 23, 2018

"I think it electrocutes your face."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:25 PM on November 23, 2018

$67,347 retail value for the items up to and including the face mask.

3500 sales of the absurd box would cover that cost.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 1:28 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

"This eagle is going to be a problem for you if you buy it."
posted by merriment at 1:31 PM on November 23, 2018 [7 favorites]

Oh god the inflatable eagle
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 1:31 PM on November 23, 2018

I think it depends on who you play it with -- you likely struck gold your first time out. Most times I've played it it has turned into a race to see who could come up with the most offensive answer.

Yeah, I've found that it only works when played with longtime friends who are absolutely clear on where the dark corners of each others' psyches might take the game, and are therefore 100% secure in the knowledge that the other people playing aren't Secret Nazis or anything.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:33 PM on November 23, 2018 [7 favorites]

Was waiting for guy to come on for scale. WAS NOT PREPARED!
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 1:33 PM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

That eagle is astonishing.
posted by hippybear at 1:34 PM on November 23, 2018

Imagine how large a bundle it is even deflated.
posted by hippybear at 1:34 PM on November 23, 2018

Even deflated I'd say that eagle is going to be a problem for you if you buy it.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 1:37 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

Please confirm your purchase by typing "I should not buy this eagle"
posted by sammyo at 1:40 PM on November 23, 2018 [13 favorites]

Please confirm your purchase by typing "I should not buy this eagle"

posted by vibratory manner of working at 1:40 PM on November 23, 2018 [6 favorites]

Please confirm your purchase by typing "I should not buy this eagle"
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 1:40 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

twinsies!
posted by vibratory manner of working at 1:41 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

lol okay now there's three of us
posted by vibratory manner of working at 1:41 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

tripletsies!
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 1:41 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

I just realized I didn't have my credit card nearby. I wanted that eagle too.
posted by lownote at 1:42 PM on November 23, 2018

I'll share a wing or a leg with each of you.
posted by sammyo at 1:42 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

A few of the ended sale items include bonus photos. The medical doll bonus photo is of the interchangeable genitals. :(
posted by merriment at 1:44 PM on November 23, 2018

You know, I was tempted to buy that eagle, but I make large inflatables for a living, and that thing has to weigh 4 or 500 pounds deflated.
posted by SystematicAbuse at 1:45 PM on November 23, 2018 [8 favorites]

Another winner!
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 1:47 PM on November 23, 2018

Well they weren't lying about the Mean Girls poster coming from ebay!
posted by moonmilk at 1:50 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

Another winner!

Ah. There was more than one poncho toilet?

Different person:

Okay I didn't get the flight suit but I did get a poncho toilet
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:52 PM on November 23, 2018

I might follow the person who got the cat stroller.
posted by kalimac at 1:53 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

I was intrigued by the Presidential Mahogany Casket. Then I saw that it did not come with an actual President.
posted by darkstar at 1:54 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

Over-under on a plot of land coming up for sale?
posted by reductiondesign at 1:55 PM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

Hmmm,
Okay I didn't get the flight suit but I did get a poncho toilet

Also apparently the Obama Bust?
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 1:57 PM on November 23, 2018

The other poncho toilet person apparently got an Orlando Bloom Cutout as well.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 2:01 PM on November 23, 2018

I like the butter churn
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 2:04 PM on November 23, 2018

You should buy it!
posted by hippybear at 2:05 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

"Sorry. We can't complete your order. Please contact customer service."
ah poo. I actually wanted the churn
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 2:12 PM on November 23, 2018

The no robot question was an Oregon Trail riff.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 2:13 PM on November 23, 2018

I can't get past the robot check on the butter churn. I guess it's for the best: I already have two butter churns; I don't need another one.
posted by spacewrench at 2:13 PM on November 23, 2018 [7 favorites]

I already have two butter churns; I don't need another one.

No partner or kids? Put them to work when you get the third!
posted by hippybear at 2:15 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

I already have two butter churns; I don't need another one.

I like the way you live.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 2:15 PM on November 23, 2018 [16 favorites]

I mean- I'm super lactose intolerant so I wouldn't exactly be eating the butter I churned myself but I've always wanted to make my own butter and the churn was really nice looking and it was like 5 bucks. This whole set up is really insane though.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 2:16 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

Dammit, how are people getting more than one item?! Like Gerstman got three things: the $20; the cat stroller and the Obama bust. WTH?
posted by jadepearl at 2:18 PM on November 23, 2018

That's not the best clarity I've ever seen in an emerald*, but I'll try to buy it.

*that emerald has zero clarity. It looks like green soapstone. but hey!
posted by hippybear at 2:23 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

NEXT 99% OFF DEAL!
Fist-Sized Emerald
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 2:23 PM on November 23, 2018

That's a big ass emerald!
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 2:23 PM on November 23, 2018

> That's a big ass emerald!

A big emerald ass would've been way better
posted by howling fantods at 2:25 PM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

or a big ass-emerald
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 2:25 PM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

> or a big ass-emerald
I mean, it -could- be, with some help and a lot of lube, maybe.
posted by isauteikisa at 2:27 PM on November 23, 2018 [7 favorites]

Hah. The cone head:

Actually worn by Dan Aykroyd in "Coneheads"

Disgusting.

So: I once stood peeing in the urinal next to Dan Ackroyd at a bar in Kingston, Ontario, approximately 16-17 years ago. He did not wash his hands upon leaving the restroom, and then proceeded to hit on women less than half his age in said bar.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 2:28 PM on November 23, 2018 [7 favorites]

for just $18, same as in town
posted by delfin at 2:29 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

foiled by my lack of detailed Diablo II knowledge
posted by vibratory manner of working at 2:31 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

Loved the emerald verification question. We stood a chance if it was Diablo 3.
posted by iamkimiam at 2:31 PM on November 23, 2018

the captchas are killing my chances
posted by hippybear at 2:31 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

I guessed correctly, but got shut out @the credit card screen.
posted by isauteikisa at 2:32 PM on November 23, 2018

That's what killed me about the churn! I got the captcha right!
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 2:32 PM on November 23, 2018

"When socketed in a weapon in Diablo 2, an emerald adds __________ damage."

Poison, if I recall correctly. My wasted youth could have come in handy if I wasn't also Canadian.
posted by mrjohnmuller at 2:32 PM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

I really hope the next captcha has something to do with a rabbit.
posted by isauteikisa at 2:34 PM on November 23, 2018

> or a big ass-emerald
I mean, it -could- be, with some help and a lot of lube, maybe.

Well, I did miss out on the Gold Dildo, so.... I guess a worthy replacement?
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 2:34 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

I think CAH is lame, but this is fun.
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 2:35 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

but... why did Jimmy Carter sign a guitar?
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 2:36 PM on November 23, 2018

looks like they went with the other carter trivia:

Before he became president, Jimmy Carter had to sell his __________ farm.

Rabbit would have been good though
posted by vibratory manner of working at 2:40 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

Jesus the bubble tent
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 2:41 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

Make up your own story for why Jimmy Carter signed this guitar.

It was a period of civil war. JIMMY CARTER, striking from a hidden base, has won his first victory against the evil Republican Empire. During the battle, Democrat spies managed to steal secret plans to the GOP's ultimate weapon, the REAGAN, an armored electric guitar with enough power to destroy an entire planet...
posted by Two unicycles and some duct tape at 2:42 PM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

substantial concerns
posted by hippybear at 2:42 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

Inflatable Bubble Camping Tent

[...]

Extremely loud pump included.

This would pair well with the massive inflatable eagle.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 2:43 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

Huh the animation on the model in the bubble tent one blows up the "short straw in the office, has to wear the zentai suit" theory -- that looks CGI
posted by gusandrews at 2:43 PM on November 23, 2018

Are the people getting these things using scripts to fill in their address and CC information or something?
posted by zachlipton at 2:43 PM on November 23, 2018

captcha be willing, this bubble tent is MINE!
posted by hippybear at 2:45 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

Inuktitut-English dictionaries at the ready!
posted by Kabanos at 2:48 PM on November 23, 2018

This tent enables owls to watch over you as you sleep. Type "verily!" to affirm the Human-Owl Alliance of 1542.

well, okay then
posted by vibratory manner of working at 2:50 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

verily!
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 2:50 PM on November 23, 2018

ANTS
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 2:51 PM on November 23, 2018

The mix of items on offer is so good.
600 Live Ants!
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 2:52 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

Damnit, now I'm caught up in this malarkey. THANKS METAFILTER. If I end up with 600 live ants — and we get these FOR FREE ALL THE TIME — this is all your fault.
posted by so much modern time at 2:52 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

It turns out that IS how you get ants?
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 2:52 PM on November 23, 2018 [28 favorites]

now all I need is for the next order to be pants

and for me to get through, of course
posted by isauteikisa at 2:52 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

Do you want ants? Because this is how you get ants.
posted by seanmpuckett at 2:52 PM on November 23, 2018 [7 favorites]

did hippybear get the tent?
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 2:53 PM on November 23, 2018

I had shit I needed to do today. I thought, oh I’ll just check on MeFi while I eat my turkey burger. And now this. Goodbye rest of the day, I barely knew ya.
posted by eggkeeper at 2:53 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

Never mind a checkout line, I can't even be the first in the punchline.
posted by seanmpuckett at 2:53 PM on November 23, 2018 [7 favorites]

Ants on sale.

Sants.
posted by The Whelk at 2:53 PM on November 23, 2018 [10 favorites]

I did not! I got through to the CC phase and kept hitting submit and it was a combination of too many requests errors and "contact customer service" messages.

Dammit!
posted by hippybear at 2:54 PM on November 23, 2018

I really really hope the last item for sale is a red zentai suit.
posted by zompist at 2:54 PM on November 23, 2018 [18 favorites]

I really hope the captcha for this one is thants

Jinx-of-sorts, The Whelk.
posted by moonmilk at 2:55 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

..and zompist semijinx too, yeesh
posted by moonmilk at 2:55 PM on November 23, 2018

I really really hope the last item for sale is a red zentai suit.

* Slightly used

* Comes from an ascended being

* Does not sprout wings
posted by isauteikisa at 2:55 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

I wonder if anything else is going on in MetaFilter right now.
My first try was for the tent. I thought it would make a nice greenhouse, but apparently I'm in Private Mode. I don't even know how to get into private mode, much less out of it, so I guess I'm screwed.
posted by MtDewd at 2:56 PM on November 23, 2018

I like how you can see the ants moving in the tubes in the demo loop.
posted by hippybear at 2:57 PM on November 23, 2018

700 ants? Too many.
500 ants? Not enough.
600? Just the right number of ants.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 2:58 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

Go to the File menu and you should find a way to open a non-private window from there.
posted by hippybear at 2:58 PM on November 23, 2018

Now they're making you do math

If you bought the correct number of ants for 718 of your best friends, how many ants would that be?

posted by vibratory manner of working at 3:01 PM on November 23, 2018

SO some of the zentai suit guys are clearly CGI and some of them are clearly actual person in suit- interesting.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 3:02 PM on November 23, 2018

i think i need this hot dog cart
posted by Two unicycles and some duct tape at 3:02 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

THE PHOTO HAS KETCHUP AND MUSTARD PICTURED BUT CONDIMENTS ARE NOT INCLUDED SO CONFUSED
posted by hippybear at 3:04 PM on November 23, 2018

Then you could be two unicycles and a hot dog cart held together by some duct tape
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 3:04 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

I’ve been trying all day! I really wanted that double cat stroller.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:05 PM on November 23, 2018

It shows hot dogs too!
posted by MtDewd at 3:05 PM on November 23, 2018

What I really want to know is who got the Picasso!
posted by so much modern time at 3:05 PM on November 23, 2018

I am going to participate in this hot dog cart auction.
posted by aniola at 3:06 PM on November 23, 2018

It shows hot dogs too!

No, it literally does not.
posted by hippybear at 3:06 PM on November 23, 2018

I would, but I can only imagine how much its shipping costs.
posted by meese at 3:07 PM on November 23, 2018

Is it bad that I'm seriously considering buying this? I have no business owning a hot dog cart.
posted by isauteikisa at 3:08 PM on November 23, 2018

I'm racing and beating all of you for this hot dog cart.
posted by hippybear at 3:09 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

But what city has the best hot dogs?
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 3:10 PM on November 23, 2018

Heh. I knew the answer to the captcha, even though they tried to throw me off with the depicted ketchup.
posted by merriment at 3:10 PM on November 23, 2018

"Sorry. Our warehouse is short on Hot Dog Cart. Please remove to continue."
posted by hippybear at 3:11 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

BACK UP BITCHES, THAT BOUNCE HOUSE IS MINE
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:11 PM on November 23, 2018 [6 favorites]

nooooooooo i got the captcha right and everything :( :( :(
posted by Two unicycles and some duct tape at 3:11 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

I'm SO IN on this pirate ship

yarr mateys, I'm gonna win this one and set it up in a park somewhere, and you're all invited

someone bring the hot dog cart they just won
posted by isauteikisa at 3:11 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

PIRATE SHIP ADVENTURE PARTY BOUNCE HOUSE
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 3:11 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

What was the answer? What city has the best hot dogs?
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 3:12 PM on November 23, 2018

"Sorry. Our warehouse is short on Hot Dog Cart. Please remove to continue."
posted by hippybear at 3:11 PM on November 23 [+] [!]

They're killing our hopes earlier in the process. Progress!!!
posted by isauteikisa at 3:12 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

Chicago
posted by hippybear at 3:12 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

The best hot dogs come from Chicago, which is where CAH is based.
posted by merriment at 3:13 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

Chicago. Guess Portland isn't ready for another hot dog cart yet!
posted by aniola at 3:13 PM on November 23, 2018

obviously
posted by Two unicycles and some duct tape at 3:13 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

Never actually been to Chicago myself- will have to get hot dogs there if I ever go!
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 3:17 PM on November 23, 2018

Turn your backyard into a deadly carnival.*



* 17th Century Italian Halberd sold separately. Not recommended for use with bouncy ship.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 3:17 PM on November 23, 2018 [6 favorites]

oh c'mon, man!!! I AM AN ADULT CHILD AND I DO LIKE TO BOUNCE AROUND!! why won't you let me get past the captcha???? grrrrr arrgghhhhh
posted by pjsky at 3:22 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

I couldn’t get past either! Boooooo!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:23 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

Someone should get Cortex the emperor workstation
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 3:23 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

At this point I'm rooting for ANYONE from MF to get through and complete a purchase so they will post here in this thread and we'll have it on record on the Blue.

Also, this workstation, while utterly stupid, is MINE!
posted by hippybear at 3:23 PM on November 23, 2018 [13 favorites]

sorry, got a little salty there bc i was unable to buy a hot dog cart for $40, but yes chicago does indeed have the tastiest hot dogs, just please do not put ketchup on them. mustard, onions, sport peppers, celery salt, maybe a bit of tomato or pickle or even a cucumber slice, all these worlds are yours except ketchup, attempt no landing there
posted by Two unicycles and some duct tape at 3:24 PM on November 23, 2018 [6 favorites]

Why no ketchup?
posted by aniola at 3:26 PM on November 23, 2018

mustard, onions, sport peppers, celery salt, maybe a bit of tomato or pickle or even a cucumber slice

I think I need to go to Chicago because that sounds delicious.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 3:26 PM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

The ants are on their way, cortex. You're welcome.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:28 PM on November 23, 2018 [6 favorites]

a sport pepper is like a regular pepper only it provides better support while running.
posted by hippybear at 3:29 PM on November 23, 2018 [10 favorites]

you... didnt... did you???
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 3:29 PM on November 23, 2018

I don't know why they think a robot doesn't know who the Emperor of Japan is.
posted by MtDewd at 3:31 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

Aw man, I got to the credit card page for the Emperor Workstation before it crapped out.
posted by spacewrench at 3:31 PM on November 23, 2018

Google Trends is quite interesting right now...
posted by brook horse at 3:32 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

That lion mask is nightmare fuel
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 3:32 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

I died on the contact info page :(

I've gotten as far as "we'll email you if you actually got it" but wasn't the lucky one that got the email >.<
posted by isauteikisa at 3:33 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

It feels good to be part of something.
posted by meese at 3:34 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

"resembles a lion"
posted by hippybear at 3:34 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

Ketchup is reserved for deep dish pizza, surely.
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 3:35 PM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

Who knew 10 minutes could feel so looooooooong?!?
posted by pjsky at 3:38 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

I'm not going to manage to buy any of these products, but I'm having a lot of fun with this today.
posted by hippybear at 3:38 PM on November 23, 2018

why is that mask 480 bucks?
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 3:39 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

Who killed mufasa? lol
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 3:40 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

safe passage through the bouncy pirate ship and into the inflatable dome tent is only guaranteed to wearers of the creepy lion mask
posted by Two unicycles and some duct tape at 3:40 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

why is that mask 480 bucks?

Because hand-made mask makers working in the Netherlands demand a living wage?
posted by hippybear at 3:40 PM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

why is that mask 480 bucks?

It was handmade in the Netherlands. Obviously.
posted by brook horse at 3:41 PM on November 23, 2018

I think I'm too slow for this now.
posted by isauteikisa at 3:41 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

I have no hope of being able to buy anything so I'm treating this as slow trivia.
posted by iamkimiam at 3:41 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

I’d totally wear that mask to an Eyes Wide Shut party.
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 3:41 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

Is it showing the rest of you that the hotdog cart is going to be available next, again?
posted by meese at 3:41 PM on November 23, 2018

they found another hot dog cart!
posted by isauteikisa at 3:41 PM on November 23, 2018

OMG IT'S ANOTHER HOT DOG CART! AND THIS ONE IS EXPLODING WITH HOT DOGS!
posted by hippybear at 3:41 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

Hot dog cart back for sale!
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 3:41 PM on November 23, 2018

Hot Dog Cart II: The Refrankening
posted by tonycpsu at 3:41 PM on November 23, 2018 [9 favorites]

Awww i missed you hot dog cart.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 3:43 PM on November 23, 2018

I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy
posted by hippybear at 3:44 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

aniola: here is one theory why chicagoans don't put ketchup on hot dogs
posted by Two unicycles and some duct tape at 3:46 PM on November 23, 2018

I believe I have located the lion mask.
posted by readinghippo at 3:46 PM on November 23, 2018

That's not that same lion mask at all.
posted by hippybear at 3:48 PM on November 23, 2018

OK, it has to be bots. Or people getting the buy button 5s earlier.

Related: I've never had celery salt. Worth acquiring for a spice rack even if I'm not going to throw a bunch of unnecessary stuff on a hot dog?
posted by isauteikisa at 3:51 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

I must say- it's pouring rain here in SF, and as I am not a person who ever goes out on Black Friday, refreshing this thread and the cards against humanity nonsense is a lovely way to spend an evening in, as the rain pounds the roof. I love metafilter.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 3:51 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

Well at least I knew the captcha for the hot dog cart this time because of Two unicycles and some duct tape.
posted by zachlipton at 3:51 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

PIRATE HOUSE 2

Maybe they'll have a fixed captcha this time.
posted by isauteikisa at 3:51 PM on November 23, 2018

:I've never had celery salt. Worth acquiring for a spice rack even if I'm not going to throw a bunch of unnecessary stuff on a hot dog?

yes. It's a wonderful spice with a lot of applications.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 3:52 PM on November 23, 2018 [6 favorites]

That's not that same lion mask at all.

The fluffiness of the mane differs but I claim the teeths match.
posted by readinghippo at 3:52 PM on November 23, 2018

Same here in SEA, Homo neanderthalensis. Thank y'all for what would have been a boring cleaning day around the apartment much more fun.
posted by isauteikisa at 3:52 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

Celery salt is the key to bloody mary excellence.
posted by halation at 3:56 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

Celery salt is the secret ingredient to a killer grilled cheese. But a little dab'll do ya for it, so by the smallest possible amount.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 3:59 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

Features 37th president and total dreamboat, Richard Nixon.
Did you know that Richard Nixon founded the EPA?
America's original daddy!
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 4:01 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

DAMNIT. Got all the way to the credit card screen. My ship has sailed again.
posted by isauteikisa at 4:01 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

EEEEK no
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 4:01 PM on November 23, 2018

Hard pass.
posted by pjsky at 4:01 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

MetaFilter: I think it electrocutes your face.

MetaFilter: I don't know what it does, actually.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 4:01 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

Time to add celery salt to my next grocery list. Thanks y'all!
posted by isauteikisa at 4:02 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

They should have capitalized Daddy for extra effect.
posted by hippybear at 4:03 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

Now I want a Nixon-autographed guitar, tho.
posted by halation at 4:04 PM on November 23, 2018

My dad burned his draft card while his brother worked for Nixon. Shit, I might try for this. (plus some darts, obvs)
posted by kalimac at 4:05 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

I just checked my spice cabinet and what i use is apparently celery seed? I wonder what the difference is?
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 4:06 PM on November 23, 2018

Salt mainly
posted by Carillon at 4:06 PM on November 23, 2018 [17 favorites]

For AP history, we all had to read and write a paper on an autobiography of a president. I was assigned Nixon.

I may buy this to burn this.
posted by isauteikisa at 4:07 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

Please enter Bob Woodward's middle name 4 times with no spaces.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 4:10 PM on November 23, 2018

holy shit I need this statue on my porch, HOA be damned
posted by jenjenc at 4:11 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

DAMN
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 4:12 PM on November 23, 2018

q: what's upshur? a: not much what's upshur with you
posted by Two unicycles and some duct tape at 4:12 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

request rate limited, and honestly i'm a little relieved. I don't know that I'd want this in my house, even temporarily.
posted by kalimac at 4:12 PM on November 23, 2018

Why no mention of the six pack on the 8ft tall Anubis? I consider it a defining feature! Hello Nurse!
posted by pjsky at 4:13 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

Please enter Bob Woodward's middle name 4 times with no spaces.

I heard if you do that just right it summons a grand jury of elder gods.
posted by Slinga at 4:14 PM on November 23, 2018 [9 favorites]

I am choosing to believe that zentai suit guy is actually Max Temkin.

Seriously though what are the odds that none of these items exist? Maybe this is the e-commerce equivalent of digging a hole and filling it back up again?
posted by Two unicycles and some duct tape at 4:15 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

@CAH on twitter seems to have evidence that people are actually buying these items. I believe they're real.

That trip to Fiji would have been nice.
posted by hippybear at 4:18 PM on November 23, 2018

What even is that thing?
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 4:22 PM on November 23, 2018

And see, my even typing that is the entire point of this particular piece of art. This is brilliant!

You're presented with a thing that is scarce at a ridiculously low price. And you get to stare at it for 8m30s before you can buy it, which allows for dreaming and attachment and a build-up of anticipation. Then you get to Click The Button and try to buy the thing, and it's a bit of a frenzy because who knows how you actually get through to the buying point (is it first come, is it random from amongst a limited pool, how does it work? it's a black box)...

And then you're presented with another item which is at a ridiculously low price, and the cycle starts over.

It's sort of the "if it's free, you are the product" only in this sense it's "the things you are feeing, that is the art". Everything about this is built to make you feel a sense of excitement about buying things, being a consumer. It's absolutely perfect in what it does.
posted by hippybear at 4:22 PM on November 23, 2018 [23 favorites]

Max Temkin raped a classmate in college (sorry, it was "bad sex" according to Temkin) so I have very little patience for his act, whether it's his card games or his publicity stunts.
posted by muddgirl at 4:24 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

Oh man, could have used this strange industrial scuba doohickie to make breathing easier in the Bay Area the past couple of weeks. I've managed to get to the payment screen twice just go get smacked down by the e-commerce gods.
posted by matt_od at 4:25 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

Honeywell 777777 Puma Industrial 30-Minute NIOSH Compliance Self Contained Breathing Apparatus

Based on the Survivair Cougar platform, the Survivair Puma is a NIOSH-certified, OSHA-compliant, hooded pressure demand SCBA designed for users with street glasses or facial configurations that are hard to fit with a conventional facepiece. The low profile second stage regulator attaches to the hood in any orientation easily and quickly. The enhanced Survivair MightLight® backpack offers a stable, secure fit, with hinged hip wings and fabric tank band with a spring-loaded catch for quick cylinder changes

Features:
Hood: Made from Challenge NXT Material which is a multi-layer fluoroplymer aramid material. The flexible neoprene neck seal provides excellent protection against contaminants in IDLH atmospheres. The hood reduces fogging, and is easy to adjust the fit and tightness to your unique facial configurations
First Stage Regulator: There are minimal moving parts which dramatically enhances reliability, while reducing maintenance costs.
Second Stage Regulator: Compact, low profile providing better downward vision, less chance of damage. The Air Klic Fastening system allows attachment in any orientation. First-Breath-On allows activation of unit without free flow. Can be kept in stand-by mode.
Low-Air Alarm: Bell alarm
Backpack: Mighty-Light allows one of the lightest, easiest-to-use, and most comfortable backpacks in the industry. No tools required meaning no bolts or screws on harness for quick, easy disassembly and assembly. The Regulator holder conveniently holds regulator in activated stand-by position keeps contaminants and water out of disconnected regulator.
posted by reductiondesign at 4:26 PM on November 23, 2018

Max Temkin raped a classmate in college (sorry, it was "bad sex" according to Temkin) so I have very little patience for his act, whether it's his card games or his publicity stunts.

I believe he's only one of eight creators of the game though. It's not his sole creation.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 4:27 PM on November 23, 2018

Also Allstate did something similar to this during the 2015 Super Bowl.
posted by reductiondesign at 4:28 PM on November 23, 2018

I CAN BE A SERIOUS YURT PEOPLE, PLEASE LEMME GET THAT YURT
posted by meese at 4:31 PM on November 23, 2018 [8 favorites]

336 sq. ft. with room for up to 15 generals and scribes.
Complex and arduous assembly required.
Only for serious yurt people.
Flammable.

Want.
posted by hippybear at 4:32 PM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

I CAN BE A SERIOUS YURT PEOPLE

We all need mon-goals.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:33 PM on November 23, 2018 [20 favorites]

I HAVE A PLACE FOR THAT YURT. SOMEONE GET THAT THING.
posted by loquacious at 4:33 PM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

Complex and arduous assembly required.

It's easier if you take it one steppe at a time.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:34 PM on November 23, 2018 [28 favorites]

That Honeywell 777777 would probably be helpful for your breathing needs while extinguishing a flammable yurt fire.
posted by zachlipton at 4:36 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

okay, here goes the yurt attempt!
posted by hippybear at 4:39 PM on November 23, 2018

I honestly want that frickin yurt.
posted by miss-lapin at 4:39 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

Oh my god my sisters dream is to own a yurt, now I'm sad I'm not in the US
posted by stillnocturnal at 4:39 PM on November 23, 2018

:( didn't get the yurt
posted by matt_od at 4:40 PM on November 23, 2018

That yurt went fast.
posted by meese at 4:41 PM on November 23, 2018

A TRIP TO SEE PENGUINS
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 4:42 PM on November 23, 2018

Enjoying the updated comments on this page as much as the updated items on the 99% sale.
posted by lagreen at 4:42 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

is... is zentaiguy is wearing those goat hair slides as epaulets now
posted by Two unicycles and some duct tape at 4:43 PM on November 23, 2018

Me, if I win this.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 4:43 PM on November 23, 2018

Swear I almost got the yurt! I was fast! But not fast enough. :(
posted by triggerfinger at 4:43 PM on November 23, 2018

I have never been less sure about whether or not I want to go to Antarctica.
posted by delfin at 4:44 PM on November 23, 2018 [17 favorites]

If I win the trip to Antarctica I hope the next item is a good deal on a really warm coat.
posted by matt_od at 4:46 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

mr. hippybear just came upstairs and said "yeah, try for that one" so I guess we're going to antarctica*

*proof of purchase required
posted by hippybear at 4:46 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

AH THE ZENTAI IS ON SALE
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 4:51 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

For max black-friday effect, this thing should have a real-time bracket-style tournament, with some sort of in-browser task being the captcha, different for each pair of users. Clicking "buy now" gets you in. Tasks are preferably not just manual-dexterity tasks, maybe some of those, but also obscure web searches and... Start easy and get harder.

Winning a task immediately pairs you with another winner from the same bracket, so people who are super-fast have to fight each other, and people who are slower fight their peers (there's a 30-second time-out, maybe). Every bracket level one person (edit: from the entire set of people in that bracket) is randomly eliminated and their opponent automatically advances to next bracket, including the final bracket, which means it's entirely a coin flip even if you make it to the end.

The losers go through their own bracket to be "second chance" contender in case the actual "winner" cannot complete the transaction.

Let the rest of us watch the brackets in real-time (including what the task is for each pair) as we're waiting for the next item.
posted by maxwelton at 4:51 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

antarcticaacitcratnaantarctica ouch my brain hurts
posted by jenjenc at 4:51 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

I may not be able to spell. At least not anymore.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 4:51 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

Yay! They're selling the suit!
posted by isauteikisa at 4:52 PM on November 23, 2018

The hell. Spell Antarctica backwards, then forwards, then backwards again.
I did! It didn't work
posted by matt_od at 4:52 PM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

Yep, they just put up the lightly used red zentai suit.
posted by loquacious at 4:52 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

They are currently selling the "lightly used" zentai suit.
posted by miss-lapin at 4:52 PM on November 23, 2018

for $999.99 that thing better be signed by Jimmy Carter, Richard Nixon *and* Lindsay Lohan.
posted by Two unicycles and some duct tape at 4:53 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

If any of you happened to purchase the Geri Nursing Skills Geriatric Training Doll, my wife’s office really needs one, and they will gladly double your purchase price for it.

Seriously. They do home healthcare for seniors.
posted by Thorzdad at 4:53 PM on November 23, 2018 [16 favorites]

"skin-like texture"

ewwww
posted by hippybear at 4:53 PM on November 23, 2018

Its for charity!
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 4:54 PM on November 23, 2018

The $999.99 goes to charity- The Greater Chicago Food Depository. If this thing doesn't sell, this will be their "point".
posted by matt_od at 4:54 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

Even though it's gone I'm still trying to figure out the Antarctica thing...It never worked for me. I even tried tricky things. I can't tell if I'm too slow or too stupid.
posted by sprezzy at 4:55 PM on November 23, 2018

I did! It didn't work

Me too! I even tried using the "correct" backwards capitalization (I mean, if they want "Antarctica" to be reversed, I kept the capital A in the various correct places), we're clearly missing their snide trick. Maybe it's along the lines of the "railroad crossing watch out for cars, can you spell that without any Rs?" trick where the answer is "T-H-A-T".
posted by aramaic at 4:56 PM on November 23, 2018

I've tried acitcratnA + forwards + backwards and acitcratnA + forwards + niaga, no joy
posted by spacewrench at 4:57 PM on November 23, 2018

According to the twitter thread, the correct way was to do it forward + backward + forward, even though the question asked for the opposite
posted by sprezzy at 4:59 PM on November 23, 2018

"How many calories are in Applebee's TRIPLE CHOCOLATE MELTDOWN®?"
posted by hippybear at 5:00 PM on November 23, 2018

How many calories are in Applebee's TRIPLE CHOCOLATE MELTDOWN®?
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 5:00 PM on November 23, 2018

The captchas get me every time. I KNOW the answer is correct but it does the shaky-shake thing and I'm wtf
posted by wallabear at 5:00 PM on November 23, 2018

So is the suit the end of it?
posted by matt_od at 5:01 PM on November 23, 2018

This is only (very, very, very) tangentially related but I feel like it fits the vibe of this thread, and taps into the surrealism that I think is a large part of why we're all so fascinated by it, so:

I just discovered that Wikipedia has a 30,000 by 17,078 pixel version of Hieronymous Bosch's The Garden of Earthly Delights, which means you can crop any section you want and have it printed on any goddamn thing that has a your-custom-photo-here service. I'm boring and currently pursuing a phone case but I'm sure there's many more exciting things you could do with it...

If anyone tried and failed to acquire e.g. the giant inflatable eagle of their dreams, perhaps order some packing tape with The Prince of Hell on it to soothe yourself.
posted by brook horse at 5:01 PM on November 23, 2018 [20 favorites]

I bet the suit stays up for a while to see how many they can sell, 'cause you can turn like 30 dollar zentai suits into a major donation drive.
posted by loquacious at 5:02 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

Which is actually really good. Hook em with the weird stuff then sell a ton of zentai suits at a 1k a pop to benefit a local charity. kudos!
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 5:04 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

The skin suit is now unavailable :(
posted by LaunchBox at 5:05 PM on November 23, 2018

I put in the captcha for the suit/donation, but I was delighted to see that it was already taken. Glad the stunt didn't completely prove their point.
posted by sprezzy at 5:05 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

These deals will return in 1000 years.
posted by hippybear at 5:05 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

Damn it! I wanted that Antarctica trip so BAD!
posted by jadepearl at 5:06 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

Aw, is it over?
posted by Autumnheart at 5:08 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

I wonder how many people they helped keep off Amazon today.
posted by aniola at 5:08 PM on November 23, 2018 [6 favorites]

Seriously, that was just a fucking perfect black friday subversively effective ad campaign. I hope this becomes an annual Buy Nothing Day tradition. Think about them trying to top themselves every year.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 5:14 PM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

I'm not sure that having an online sale with steep discounts in an attempt to get the most eyeballs on Black Friday qualifies as "subversive". That's literally how Black Friday is supposed to work.
posted by Autumnheart at 5:17 PM on November 23, 2018 [6 favorites]

Having deals which are very limited in quantity going for 99% off and having them be so random and changing every 10 minutes is pretty much not how these things work in the majority, however.

It's not subversive, it's commentary. It's brilliant. It's Banksy times 100.
posted by hippybear at 5:26 PM on November 23, 2018 [6 favorites]

Selling random shit to people who got online with no intention to buy that particular shit, on a day known for people buying all kinds of shit they don’t need, is indeed extremely subversive.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 5:30 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

And now I’m reading these are the same people who raised $100,000 to dig a massive hole, sold actual bullshit one year, and sold “nothing” for $5 another year.

It’s honestly thrilling how people who grew up punk rock have gone and infiltrated every corner of society.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 5:34 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

Lightly used.
posted by The Whelk at 5:34 PM on November 23, 2018

Banksy times 100

For today only, it’s Banksy x 1
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 5:36 PM on November 23, 2018 [18 favorites]

In four years this is just what all Black Friday deals will look like
posted by The Whelk at 5:37 PM on November 23, 2018 [6 favorites]

It's Banksy times 100.

My 5 (x100/100 for today only) could do that!
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:40 PM on November 23, 2018

Pre-shredded by 100 5-year-olds with safety scissors.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:44 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

Having deals which are very limited in quantity going for 99% off and having them be so random and changing every 10 minutes is pretty much not how these things work in the majority, however.

But Amazon Prime Day is pretty much exactly that, if not for as great a discount.

Selling random shit to people who got online with no intention to buy that particular shit, on a day known for people buying all kinds of shit they don’t need, is indeed extremely subversive.

Then Apple is the most subversive company in the world, because they built an entire company identity around convincing consumers to pay a premium on bullshit, by telling them that they're much cooler than the people who don't buy that stuff.

It's an awesome sale and I'm sorry I missed it, but this is literally exactly how marketing is supposed to work.
posted by Autumnheart at 6:05 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

To those who were shut out by the captchas: you say captcha, they say extremely short ARG.
posted by BiggerJ at 6:14 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

Well that Original Prongles website did not disappoint.
posted by SystematicAbuse at 6:25 PM on November 23, 2018

It’s honestly thrilling how people who grew up punk rock have gone and infiltrated every corner of society.

Knowing a few people behind CAH, they’re many things for sure...but I gigglesnort at the idea of them being punk rock. Not so much.
posted by Windigo at 6:36 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

I gigglesnort at the idea of them being punk rock. Not so much.

Come on, being completely not punk rock is obviously the most punk rock thing you could possibly be.
posted by Literaryhero at 6:50 PM on November 23, 2018 [7 favorites]

Why no mention of the six pack on the 8ft tall Anubis?

did they advertise it as an 8ft tall anubis? or did they act with the same lamentable hubris that skymall did when they had that same statue and call it the "Life-Sized Anubis Statue," as if the feeble puny human mind could ever hope to contemplate the true size and majesty of the lord of the duat
posted by poffin boffin at 6:55 PM on November 23, 2018 [9 favorites]

Just like how marking random stuff down at a steep discount, and selling it to people who are buying it just for the LOLs, is somehow totally a comment on rejecting the concept of Black Friday?

Next, I will protest the injustice of war by ironically joining the Army.
posted by Autumnheart at 6:55 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

I'm with Just this guy, y'know here. If they moved 5,000 copies of the box set (which is worth about $20, not $2,000), and perhaps got a few billion eyeballs on it in the process, everyone wins.
posted by JoeZydeco at 7:09 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

I'm calling a moratorium on labeling anything Punk Rock that happened after 1982.
posted by bongo_x at 7:23 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

Hey, I was born in 1982, I might be punk rock, you don't know me.

(I'm not punk rock, but still.)
posted by HypotheticalWoman at 7:53 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

Yeah, this isn't a satire of Black Friday, this is just doing an absurd comedy Black Friday.

Putting their prices up on Black Friday was probably their best subversion but until someone does an amateur MMA tournament for bargains on Black Friday we're probably not going to see anyone feeling a little queasy about wanting a bargain
posted by Merus at 8:38 PM on November 23, 2018

oh this reminds me, have we had a post about how they bought a piece of land at the border yet so the wall can't technically be built without fighting them over that land? I can't find a post about it.

edit: i actually searched the url and it was mentioned once in a politics thread
posted by numaner at 8:50 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

Aww those CAH folks are alright.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:42 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

Heh, I remember when they did a photo both where you could get your picture with a crocodile. Then the next day the crocodile was gone and there was just a hot dog cart and you could buy crocdogs. It was unatended and everything was honour system. I wish I'd gotten my picture then.
posted by furtive at 9:49 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

...everyone wins

Well, I guess not everyone. Apparently the rush to find the answer to the Applebee’s captcha took their site down hard.

Imagine being the devop for Applebee’s today and trying to figure out why the hell you were getting DDOSed on a quiet Friday afternoon...
posted by JoeZydeco at 10:11 PM on November 23, 2018 [17 favorites]

I was following the sales throughout the day. Going back and reading this whole thread has taken me on a thrill ride, and thank you for it. I wish someone had been victorious but I guess we'll get another shot in 3018.
posted by Going To Maine at 11:19 PM on November 23, 2018

Interesting...
posted by Richard Martin at 2:59 AM on November 24, 2018

♫ poncho toilet.... qu'est-ce que c'est... ♪
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 9:43 AM on November 24, 2018 [5 favorites]

fuh fuh fuh FAAAAAH fuh, fuh fuh fuh FAAAAH fuuh
posted by gusandrews at 10:13 AM on November 24, 2018 [4 favorites]

"Kill your craving at the circus of values"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_OExLzEReE
posted by ish__ at 12:28 PM on November 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

If anyone else was wondering like I was, the total "retail" price of all the items is $118,450, excluding the suit. That also doesn't count the items that had more than one available.
posted by Sibrax at 1:16 PM on November 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

ANTS NOT ANTS! SANDKINGS! SO SORRY CORTEX! RUN!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:17 PM on November 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

I once stood peeing in the urinal next to Dan Ackroyd at a bar in Kingston, Ontario, approximately 16-17 years ago.


I remember that story! And he was a real prick when you tried to talk to him / recognised him, with his security all up in your face. You are the reason I do not like Dan Akroyd.
posted by Meatbomb at 6:08 AM on November 25, 2018

And he was a real prick when you tried to talk to him / recognised him

I didn't attempt to interact with him in any way, so it must have been someone else you're thinking of. I was merely a...bystander.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:05 AM on November 26, 2018

Some more follow-up from /r/cardsagainsthumanity:

$20 bill - ❤ Cards Against Humanity

$100 bill - But are you happy? Love, Cards Against Humanity

Congrats on getting this giant fucking emerald (though turns out maybe they both got conned?)

I got Bill Pullman's Actual Flight Suit from Independence Day
posted by Rhaomi at 2:58 PM on December 16, 2018 [3 favorites]