Monkeyfish.com

July 23, 2002 7:06 AM

Monkeyfish.com : a few gems here, including playing with matches (groovy bar trick) and "Understanding Your Woman" (apparently, a "found" object.) Also, "Advice on Hash and Weed."
posted by ColdChef (14 comments total)

Is it just me, or is the entire site getting hammered too much to open anything?
posted by yhbc at 7:21 AM on July 23, 2002

It's working now.
posted by ColdChef at 7:33 AM on July 23, 2002

how about a cream soda while i wait for this link to open.(whistles-whistles again. decides to not ope
posted by clavdivs at 7:58 AM on July 23, 2002

grrr. ah well...trust me...it was funny.

Bookmark it and try it later, I guess.

Dammit.

*kicks rocks*
posted by ColdChef at 8:08 AM on July 23, 2002

the site content is sure to be funny by the d-scprit, Thing is, i use me fe-ancys (girlfriends) computer, and she does paw through them book marks, she may clobber me for the understanding women thing. dont need advise on THC. but the match tricks are inviting. I say we pop a couple of root beers and tell our own gems.

-horror stories about "friend of the court"

-close encounters with law enforcement and sweet smelling chevys ("put that F$@^&#@ out maaannnn-------cops")

-open a combo pad lock in 5 easy steps

-dismantling and cleaning your potato gun.

ah, america before the terror
posted by clavdivs at 8:27 AM on July 23, 2002

My favorite root beer? Abita Root Beer. It's made in Louisiana with pure cane sugar. Oh, baby.
posted by ColdChef at 8:34 AM on July 23, 2002

(looks around -squints eyes) can we get some of that Louisiana brown gold in Michigan? remember...Frostie? frostie looked like a slim Michelin man. good stuff. man, Kane sugar. we here in mittenland have to suffice with beet sugar for the most part. er, i could tell my ted nuget story? anyone have a good one about beets?
posted by clavdivs at 8:52 AM on July 23, 2002

I (saw) the best teeth of my generation rotted by sugar.
posted by clavdivs at 8:53 AM on July 23, 2002

I've done that with matches for years. I'd never thought of it as a bar trick or some gesture of coolness, it's simply the only way I know to light a match from the book with only one hand free.

The "Woman" piece was bewildering and incorporated more inappropriate use of the comma than I have ever seen in a single work of writing. Cool!
posted by majick at 9:40 AM on July 23, 2002

Agreed, majick, ...your penis, into your woman's mouth... makes for an odd sounding phrasing when reading it aloud.
posted by gnz2001 at 10:39 AM on July 23, 2002

They lost me when they referred to hash and weed as stimulants.
posted by bingo at 1:39 PM on July 23, 2002

Once you have kicked your sexual habit you can get your love life back together

That's probably the funniest, worst advice I've ever read.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:42 PM on July 23, 2002

I stopped striking matches by holding my thumb over them while pushing them across the strike strip after the head came off the stick and stuck to my thumb once, melting the tip of my thumb in a way that made it feel like it was burning for days.

Cool trick.

The irony is that I was on a beach in Baja California setting off all kinds of crazy-dangerous fireworks, and it was the match that injured me...
posted by kfury at 3:37 PM on July 23, 2002

And when you put your penis,
in your woman's mouth,
or in her rectum.
you are mis-use-ing your Love.

He totally stole that from Marvin Gaye.
posted by Dirjy at 4:53 PM on July 23, 2002