We've all been there
May 8, 2020 11:39 PM Subscribe
"Gardening Accident" "Light Bulb" "Slipped in the shower"...
Ok, we'll give you a pass...
posted by Windopaene at 11:54 PM on May 8, 2020 [4 favorites]
Ok, we'll give you a pass...
posted by Windopaene at 11:54 PM on May 8, 2020 [4 favorites]
WTF? Did he get attacked by the weed whacker?
Kinda sucks. I've been enjoying his little YT videos over the last few weeks.
posted by 2N2222 at 11:59 PM on May 8, 2020
Kinda sucks. I've been enjoying his little YT videos over the last few weeks.
posted by 2N2222 at 11:59 PM on May 8, 2020
I have to give credit to The Guardian's picture editor for finding a photo which looks like he's in arse pain to head the item with.
posted by ambrosen at 1:01 AM on May 9, 2020 [9 favorites]
posted by ambrosen at 1:01 AM on May 9, 2020 [9 favorites]
The Darling Butts of May
posted by chavenet at 2:44 AM on May 9, 2020 [8 favorites]
posted by chavenet at 2:44 AM on May 9, 2020 [8 favorites]
Be careful when trimming the asszelias; that’s my takeaway.
Regardless, I hope he’s OK.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:45 AM on May 9, 2020 [5 favorites]
Regardless, I hope he’s OK.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:45 AM on May 9, 2020 [5 favorites]
Judging by the way it always looked in the movies, sliding down the banister from the back porch into the garden probably looked like a lot of fun. Then he was reminded of the ornate knob at the end.
posted by pracowity at 3:49 AM on May 9, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by pracowity at 3:49 AM on May 9, 2020 [2 favorites]
"Over-enthusiastic gardening" my ass. No one can create euphemisms like the Brits. Still the undisputed masters!
posted by Termite at 4:05 AM on May 9, 2020 [5 favorites]
posted by Termite at 4:05 AM on May 9, 2020 [5 favorites]
Lucky he's a guitarist, if he played drums he'd probably be dead now.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 4:17 AM on May 9, 2020 [8 favorites]
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 4:17 AM on May 9, 2020 [8 favorites]
To adapt (steal) a joke I saw in a random meme, if someone had told you Brian May would be shredding ass this spring, this is not what you'd have envisaged.
posted by howfar at 5:23 AM on May 9, 2020 [6 favorites]
posted by howfar at 5:23 AM on May 9, 2020 [6 favorites]
sliding down the banister from the back porch into the garden probably looked like a lot of fun
When I was a little boy, the main staircase at school was brilliant. It had a 90 degree curve halfway down. When you slid down the banister you had to bank round the corner and then jump off before you hit the ornate knob. By that time it felt like you were doing about 60 m.p.h.
One of my classmates decided to jump off on the wrong side and landed on his back on the hall floor. Happily he didn't do himself any lasting injury. After that, they installed metal spikes on the banister to stop little boys sliding down it any more.
40 years later I paid the old school a visit and saw the spikes were still there. I was very proud to tell the younger alumni present that those were installed especially for us.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 5:24 AM on May 9, 2020 [23 favorites]
When I was a little boy, the main staircase at school was brilliant. It had a 90 degree curve halfway down. When you slid down the banister you had to bank round the corner and then jump off before you hit the ornate knob. By that time it felt like you were doing about 60 m.p.h.
One of my classmates decided to jump off on the wrong side and landed on his back on the hall floor. Happily he didn't do himself any lasting injury. After that, they installed metal spikes on the banister to stop little boys sliding down it any more.
40 years later I paid the old school a visit and saw the spikes were still there. I was very proud to tell the younger alumni present that those were installed especially for us.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 5:24 AM on May 9, 2020 [23 favorites]
Wait. He's not a drummer! He should be safe from these "bizarre gardening accidents", right? Or spontaneous combustion? Or choking on (someone else's) vomit?
Note: Jeff Porcaro of Toto died of a bizarre gardening accident 8 years after that method of drummer demise being featured in This is Spinal Tap.
posted by ensign_ricky at 5:34 AM on May 9, 2020 [4 favorites]
Note: Jeff Porcaro of Toto died of a bizarre gardening accident 8 years after that method of drummer demise being featured in This is Spinal Tap.
posted by ensign_ricky at 5:34 AM on May 9, 2020 [4 favorites]
Brian May hospitalized after injuring buttocks in 'over-enthusiastic' gardening incident.
...is that better or worse than...
Brian May hospitalized after injuring buttocks in over-enthusiastic 'gardening' incident.
posted by fairmettle at 5:35 AM on May 9, 2020 [7 favorites]
...is that better or worse than...
Brian May hospitalized after injuring buttocks in over-enthusiastic 'gardening' incident.
posted by fairmettle at 5:35 AM on May 9, 2020 [7 favorites]
On Twitter, Michael McKean was highly amused by this story -- and I feel like he is one of the few people entitled to make "accident" jokes. The rest of us should just raise our eyebrows and wish Mister May a speedy recovery.
posted by wenestvedt at 5:52 AM on May 9, 2020 [6 favorites]
posted by wenestvedt at 5:52 AM on May 9, 2020 [6 favorites]
Brian May seems to think every few years that he needs to prop up his “most interesting surviving member of Queen” status.
posted by Etrigan at 6:55 AM on May 9, 2020 [6 favorites]
posted by Etrigan at 6:55 AM on May 9, 2020 [6 favorites]
About 15 years ago I pulled one of my butt muscles whilst trying to open a heavy bronze door. The next week or ten days were amongst the most painful of my life. Every single activity hurt - walking, standing, lying down, sitting. I'd just find a position where it didn't hurt and I'd only have to move any part of me by the tiniest fraction and I'd be in pain that took my breath away.
So although I do see the opportunity for wringing the maximum comedy benefit out of this, Brian, I truly feel your pain.
posted by essexjan at 7:05 AM on May 9, 2020 [13 favorites]
So although I do see the opportunity for wringing the maximum comedy benefit out of this, Brian, I truly feel your pain.
posted by essexjan at 7:05 AM on May 9, 2020 [13 favorites]
My most shameful injury happened while I was drying my hair with a towel. I pulled some tiny little muscle in my back simply by rubbing a towel on my head. I was probably about 30 years old and in decent shape at the time. I was in pain for at least two weeks, and even now I can remember the exact arm movement I had to avoid to keep from whinging in pain.
Bless you, Mister May.
posted by SoberHighland at 7:09 AM on May 9, 2020 [3 favorites]
Bless you, Mister May.
posted by SoberHighland at 7:09 AM on May 9, 2020 [3 favorites]
My most shameful injury...
I managed to injure my shoulder pretty badly by sleeping wrong.
posted by Foosnark at 7:35 AM on May 9, 2020
I managed to injure my shoulder pretty badly by sleeping wrong.
posted by Foosnark at 7:35 AM on May 9, 2020
I was hoping Faint of Butt would turn up in this thread. :-D
posted by essexjan at 7:42 AM on May 9, 2020 [8 favorites]
posted by essexjan at 7:42 AM on May 9, 2020 [8 favorites]
My most shameful injury happened while I was drying my hair with a towel. I pulled some tiny little muscle in my back simply by rubbing a towel on my head. I was probably about 30 years old and in decent shape at the time. I was in pain for at least two weeks, and even now I can remember the exact arm movement I had to avoid to keep from whinging in pain.
I once tore a ligament in my knee removing a pebble from my sandaled feet. Just lifted a leg and gripped my foot and gave it a little shake. That "pop" sound haunted me going up and down stairs for two years.
I'm a big fan of 'seemingly harmless things leading to a stupid injury' stories.
posted by srboisvert at 7:49 AM on May 9, 2020 [5 favorites]
I once tore a ligament in my knee removing a pebble from my sandaled feet. Just lifted a leg and gripped my foot and gave it a little shake. That "pop" sound haunted me going up and down stairs for two years.
I'm a big fan of 'seemingly harmless things leading to a stupid injury' stories.
posted by srboisvert at 7:49 AM on May 9, 2020 [5 favorites]
I once dislocated my kneecap while dancing to Petula Clark's 'Downtown'.
posted by howfar at 7:49 AM on May 9, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by howfar at 7:49 AM on May 9, 2020 [3 favorites]
I once threw my shoulder out reaching to get something behind me while seated.
posted by postel's law at 7:57 AM on May 9, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by postel's law at 7:57 AM on May 9, 2020 [1 favorite]
Police refused to confirm whether Dio’s garden gnome was seen fleeing the scene.
posted by zamboni at 8:20 AM on May 9, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by zamboni at 8:20 AM on May 9, 2020 [2 favorites]
"Over-enthusiastic gardening" my ass.Yes, exactly.
posted by valrus at 8:31 AM on May 9, 2020 [3 favorites]
My pre-coffee brain read this as "James May" and I thought, oh Clarkson's gonna have a field day with this.
posted by xedrik at 8:39 AM on May 9, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by xedrik at 8:39 AM on May 9, 2020 [3 favorites]
He probably should have asked a fat bottomed girl for some help.
posted by turbowombat at 9:00 AM on May 9, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by turbowombat at 9:00 AM on May 9, 2020 [2 favorites]
How does The Onion stay in business?
posted by tommasz at 9:30 AM on May 9, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by tommasz at 9:30 AM on May 9, 2020 [1 favorite]
How does The Onion stay in business?
I'm firm believer that the major occupational hazard for Onion staff is cirrhosis.
posted by NoxAeternum at 9:41 AM on May 9, 2020 [8 favorites]
I'm firm believer that the major occupational hazard for Onion staff is cirrhosis.
posted by NoxAeternum at 9:41 AM on May 9, 2020 [8 favorites]
I was complaining to a friend that surely this was a great opportunity for a headline pun, but having thought long and hard about it there just weren't any good ones, which was a crying shame.
He replied with just "Butthemian Ripsody"
posted by Jon Mitchell at 11:01 AM on May 9, 2020 [2 favorites]
He replied with just "Butthemian Ripsody"
posted by Jon Mitchell at 11:01 AM on May 9, 2020 [2 favorites]
Brian: So, folks ... I need to go dark for a while, getting some complete rest, at home. Please, please don’t send me sympathy - I just need some healing silence for a while. I’ll be back - but I need the complete break. OK?
Folks: 7,412 comments
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 11:28 AM on May 9, 2020 [3 favorites]
Folks: 7,412 comments
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 11:28 AM on May 9, 2020 [3 favorites]
My husband threw his back out drinking a very thick milkshake through a straw. Granted, it was after driving someone else’s very small car on a road trip where his knees were almost to his chin the whole way.
posted by PussKillian at 11:42 AM on May 9, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by PussKillian at 11:42 AM on May 9, 2020 [3 favorites]
Poor Bryan May!
I once threw my back out the day before the fall teaching semester began. I had to hobble to my program orientation and classes, and my colleagues and students all kept asking me how I had hurt myself. Answer: putting the kitchen compost in the garden compost bin. I feel you, Bryan.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:58 AM on May 9, 2020 [3 favorites]
I once threw my back out the day before the fall teaching semester began. I had to hobble to my program orientation and classes, and my colleagues and students all kept asking me how I had hurt myself. Answer: putting the kitchen compost in the garden compost bin. I feel you, Bryan.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:58 AM on May 9, 2020 [3 favorites]
This is some good "Trevor Bauer is put on the IL and misses his start in the ALCS because of a drone injury" type shit,
posted by sideshow at 2:11 PM on May 9, 2020
posted by sideshow at 2:11 PM on May 9, 2020
Aren't there several dozen gardening-themed euphemisms for various proclivities?
posted by acb at 3:16 PM on May 9, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by acb at 3:16 PM on May 9, 2020 [2 favorites]
I herniated my bicep several months ago pulling something I expect to move but it didn't slide on the floor and there was this horrible sensation in my arm and I knew I had injured myself and then for a week I had this horrible bruise all over my right upper arm. I'm back to full use of the arm (have been for a long time -- it took about 2 weeks to heal) but I still have a lump in that bicep I never had before.
I do wish Brian the speediest of recoveries. That kind of thing is horrible to experience even in a minor way.
posted by hippybear at 4:11 PM on May 9, 2020
I do wish Brian the speediest of recoveries. That kind of thing is horrible to experience even in a minor way.
posted by hippybear at 4:11 PM on May 9, 2020
I sprained my knee, or at any rate did some kind of damage to it, a couple weeks ago, when the cats knocked over their water bowl - I slipped on the water, and my leg bent in a way that legs should not. I really couldn't put any weight on it for a few days, but I'm more or less able to hobble around now. All the same, it's a good thing I can't go anywhere right now anyway, because the two flights of stairs between me and my car would really pose a challenge.
posted by pemberkins at 6:33 PM on May 9, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by pemberkins at 6:33 PM on May 9, 2020 [1 favorite]
Less than a week into January, I was helping a friend move some stuff to his new apartment. Nothing too heavy, just some small boxes but lots of them. But he'd just had hand surgery the week before, so he couldn't move too much of it by himself without screaming.
Friends, as I loaded literally the last little box that would fit into the back of his car (mine was already loaded), a tremendous TWANG gave way in my back. After I hobbled back into his place, and informed him of the situation, we decided that since we'd be screaming unloading the cars either way, we might as well unload them at the new place.
There was much screaming. We're both healed now. That part of my back still twinges at least once a week to threaten me. I have learned nothing.
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 8:45 PM on May 9, 2020 [3 favorites]
Friends, as I loaded literally the last little box that would fit into the back of his car (mine was already loaded), a tremendous TWANG gave way in my back. After I hobbled back into his place, and informed him of the situation, we decided that since we'd be screaming unloading the cars either way, we might as well unload them at the new place.
There was much screaming. We're both healed now. That part of my back still twinges at least once a week to threaten me. I have learned nothing.
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 8:45 PM on May 9, 2020 [3 favorites]
Here lies Brian May
Victim of the over-enthusiastic gardening epidemic that ravaged our lands in the year 2020.
RIP
posted by Dumsnill at 11:19 PM on May 9, 2020 [4 favorites]
Victim of the over-enthusiastic gardening epidemic that ravaged our lands in the year 2020.
RIP
posted by Dumsnill at 11:19 PM on May 9, 2020 [4 favorites]
A bunch of years ago I strained my back by carrying heavy things up some stairs the wrong way (18 gallon tubs full of paperbacks are much heavier than I realized), and I couldn’t lie on my back without pain for years.
I have a friend who threw his back out by stepping off a curb the wrong way. It’s amazing that human beings evolved at all, really.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 12:30 AM on May 10, 2020 [2 favorites]
I have a friend who threw his back out by stepping off a curb the wrong way. It’s amazing that human beings evolved at all, really.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 12:30 AM on May 10, 2020 [2 favorites]
While we haven't been given the details of the exact mechanism by which Brian May shredded his poor arse, all I can think is that he fell backwards onto the tines of a garden rake. I cringe to think about it.
And I agree: we human beings are such pathetic physical specimens that it's astounding we didn't go extinct long ago.
posted by Transl3y at 1:52 AM on May 10, 2020 [3 favorites]
I have a friend who threw his back out by stepping off a curb the wrong way. It’s amazing that human beings evolved at all, really.Yes! I've long believed that curbs are a vastly under-appreciated danger. I was laid up for a week with excruciating back pain at the absurdly young age of 18 when I was reckless enough to step off a curb. And I had a co-worker who learned never to take curbs for granted when she fractured both ankles when she went out to collect the morning newspaper and stepped off the curb.
And I agree: we human beings are such pathetic physical specimens that it's astounding we didn't go extinct long ago.
posted by Transl3y at 1:52 AM on May 10, 2020 [3 favorites]
Sign me up for Curbs are Evil club too -- I stepped off a very low curb (seriously, it was like 3cm. Maybe.) a few years ago, and broke my ankle, and it has never let me forget it.
On the bright side, our peer feedback forms for annual reviews at work ask people to identify people's "superpowers," and I have been successfully able to bribe people with beer into providing feedback that my ankle is my superpower, because now I always know when it's going to rain, so now my annual reviews are always fun -- especially when I have a new manager.
posted by sldownard at 2:24 AM on May 10, 2020 [1 favorite]
On the bright side, our peer feedback forms for annual reviews at work ask people to identify people's "superpowers," and I have been successfully able to bribe people with beer into providing feedback that my ankle is my superpower, because now I always know when it's going to rain, so now my annual reviews are always fun -- especially when I have a new manager.
posted by sldownard at 2:24 AM on May 10, 2020 [1 favorite]
My most shameful injury...
Yesterday I tried to lick the yogurt off the very large foil cover from a noosa yogurt and I opened my mouth too wide and it caused a ten-minute coughing fit.
posted by bendy at 4:28 AM on May 10, 2020 [3 favorites]
Yesterday I tried to lick the yogurt off the very large foil cover from a noosa yogurt and I opened my mouth too wide and it caused a ten-minute coughing fit.
posted by bendy at 4:28 AM on May 10, 2020 [3 favorites]
I tore my quadriceps stepping out of the shower. I didn't slip or anything, I just lifted my leg wrong.
(now I am extremely curious as to what a "gardening incident" is)
posted by biscotti at 4:29 AM on May 10, 2020
(now I am extremely curious as to what a "gardening incident" is)
posted by biscotti at 4:29 AM on May 10, 2020
Curbs are dangerous! I tripped over one in NYC last summer while holding an ice cream cone. Passersby complimented me on my wild gyrations to not drop the cone but I'm pretty sure I tore my meniscus which is still very grumpy. Am definitely not seeking out care right now!
posted by leslies at 7:43 AM on May 10, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by leslies at 7:43 AM on May 10, 2020 [1 favorite]
> "a moment of over-enthusiastic gardening"
> He died. He died in a bizarre gardening accident
> Jeff Porcaro of Toto . . . had fallen ill after spraying insecticide in the yard of his Hidden Hills home
I think the Spinal Tap bandmates put it best for each and every one of these incidents: "It was really one of those things, it was, you know, the authorities said, 'You know, best leave it unsolved, really.'"
posted by flug at 12:54 PM on May 10, 2020 [1 favorite]
> He died. He died in a bizarre gardening accident
> Jeff Porcaro of Toto . . . had fallen ill after spraying insecticide in the yard of his Hidden Hills home
I think the Spinal Tap bandmates put it best for each and every one of these incidents: "It was really one of those things, it was, you know, the authorities said, 'You know, best leave it unsolved, really.'"
posted by flug at 12:54 PM on May 10, 2020 [1 favorite]
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posted by ZipRibbons at 11:42 PM on May 8, 2020 [18 favorites]