How do Dudes Pee?
March 8, 2024 9:55 AM Subscribe
Hell Gate writer Esther Wang shares a Slack discussion “as a public service, so that no cis man will ever clown you for assuming, as I did, that they don't want to get piss on themselves when they pee.”
Aside from all that, how do you get to be an adult without ever seeing a man pee? I suppose if you never go camping, or on hikes, or to outdoor concerts, or on long road trips, or out drinking, or don't live in a city, or don't live in the country. Hmmm.
posted by oneirodynia at 10:02 AM on March 8 [12 favorites]
posted by oneirodynia at 10:02 AM on March 8 [12 favorites]
In Esther's defense - women's underwear doesn't have that convenient perma-hole in the front, and maybe she just hadn't taken that into consideration.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:04 AM on March 8 [7 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:04 AM on March 8 [7 favorites]
Funny, I had this discussion with my wife recently. She also didn't understand the function of a fly, and when she found out, her main concern was getting stuck in the zipper, which yes, I told her, happens to every boy exactly once. I think the pee-on-yourself angle is way overstated here, though. Splashback, sure, but actual dribbling on myself? No? Like what?
I will say, my office building has a restroom in the atrium that's shared by all the offices, including a medical lab that does a fair amount of urinalysis, and let me tell you: I have seen men pee in a public restroom just about every way a man could pee, including not just pants-around-the-ankles, but pants-in-the-stall-pee-in-the-urinal (why?!!!!!).
posted by uncleozzy at 10:04 AM on March 8 [9 favorites]
I will say, my office building has a restroom in the atrium that's shared by all the offices, including a medical lab that does a fair amount of urinalysis, and let me tell you: I have seen men pee in a public restroom just about every way a man could pee, including not just pants-around-the-ankles, but pants-in-the-stall-pee-in-the-urinal (why?!!!!!).
posted by uncleozzy at 10:04 AM on March 8 [9 favorites]
Also, we had a lively discussion about this ourselves in 2006:
Why is the opening at the front of mens' briefs still there if it's rarely used?
Most of the conversation settles down to be back-and-forth between "WTF, I still use it" and "wait, what? I pull my pants down slightly and maneuver up and over."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:07 AM on March 8 [13 favorites]
Why is the opening at the front of mens' briefs still there if it's rarely used?
Most of the conversation settles down to be back-and-forth between "WTF, I still use it" and "wait, what? I pull my pants down slightly and maneuver up and over."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:07 AM on March 8 [13 favorites]
Entire room designs, massive fixtures, a whole culture around holding your dick in your hand while excreting, just to differentiate yourselves from AFAB folks who sit to pee and thus don't get piss on the floor, seat, hands, clothing, etc. etc. etc. I'm trans partly get away from the nauseating realm of dude-men who believe hosing things down with piss is acceptable hygiene.
posted by seanmpuckett at 10:07 AM on March 8 [28 favorites]
posted by seanmpuckett at 10:07 AM on March 8 [28 favorites]
pants-in-the-stall-pee-in-the-urinal
I... what? They went in the stall, took off their pants, left said pants in the stall and then went to the urinal completely naked from the waist down? Is that what happened?
posted by dellsolace at 10:08 AM on March 8 [16 favorites]
I... what? They went in the stall, took off their pants, left said pants in the stall and then went to the urinal completely naked from the waist down? Is that what happened?
posted by dellsolace at 10:08 AM on March 8 [16 favorites]
Incidentally, "considered risible in the standing up to pee community" is my new sockpuppet name.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:08 AM on March 8 [37 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:08 AM on March 8 [37 favorites]
I... what? They went in the stall, took off their pants, left said pants in the stall and then went to the urinal completely naked from the waist down? Is that what happened?
Correct. Perhaps I did not use enough question marks in my parenthetical.
posted by uncleozzy at 10:11 AM on March 8 [23 favorites]
Correct. Perhaps I did not use enough question marks in my parenthetical.
posted by uncleozzy at 10:11 AM on March 8 [23 favorites]
Of course men use the fly zipper. That's one of it's purposes.
posted by Czjewel at 10:13 AM on March 8
posted by Czjewel at 10:13 AM on March 8
I think at least some of this misunderstanding is due to how women's jeans/pants are constructed vs men's. Higher rise, smaller fly, different fit where you can't just sort of shuffle 'em down a bit, it's like all or nothing.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 10:14 AM on March 8 [23 favorites]
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 10:14 AM on March 8 [23 favorites]
the targeted directionality of an external apparatus
I find your ideas intriguing and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter
posted by chavenet at 10:15 AM on March 8 [6 favorites]
I find your ideas intriguing and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter
posted by chavenet at 10:15 AM on March 8 [6 favorites]
This is the reverse situation of when men draw naked women with their vulva starting right under the navel.
posted by phunniemee at 10:15 AM on March 8 [35 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 10:15 AM on March 8 [35 favorites]
lol in her defense stand-pissers are gnarly folks covered in piss, who also probably do not wash their hands. I sit down when I pee, it's just so much better for me, try takin' a whiz and sitting for biz, that's how we attain piss normalcy.
I also absolutely hate when another dude uses my bathroom, 100% of these savages are pissing all over the toilet and of course never wiping anything down. Urinals are a gross last resort and men who don't want to be covered in piss will do anything they can to avoid them. If you must stand and piss because you cannot trust the seat to not dirty your ass cheeks by sitting on it, then piss in a normal toilet.
Ugh, my dad lives in this place he built for himself and it's his dream car-bay/garage/one-room-to-live-in space and he was so proud to show us this urinal he had installed in the garage... not like in a bathroom, like essentially no privacy it's by the fridge and sink he has in the garage.
One last complaint about the idiocy of stand-pissing: Flies are garbage, zippers are risky penis scrapers and pube pullers if you use them for the foolish intended purpose. The only time stand-pissing is appropriate is when you are outdoors and can just pull the whole facility out in one dip and let it rain, shouldn't even need to touch the penis.
posted by GoblinHoney at 10:17 AM on March 8 [22 favorites]
I also absolutely hate when another dude uses my bathroom, 100% of these savages are pissing all over the toilet and of course never wiping anything down. Urinals are a gross last resort and men who don't want to be covered in piss will do anything they can to avoid them. If you must stand and piss because you cannot trust the seat to not dirty your ass cheeks by sitting on it, then piss in a normal toilet.
Ugh, my dad lives in this place he built for himself and it's his dream car-bay/garage/one-room-to-live-in space and he was so proud to show us this urinal he had installed in the garage... not like in a bathroom, like essentially no privacy it's by the fridge and sink he has in the garage.
One last complaint about the idiocy of stand-pissing: Flies are garbage, zippers are risky penis scrapers and pube pullers if you use them for the foolish intended purpose. The only time stand-pissing is appropriate is when you are outdoors and can just pull the whole facility out in one dip and let it rain, shouldn't even need to touch the penis.
posted by GoblinHoney at 10:17 AM on March 8 [22 favorites]
You think that's bad; I've known men who've admitted that they wipe standing up.
posted by grubi at 10:19 AM on March 8 [10 favorites]
posted by grubi at 10:19 AM on March 8 [10 favorites]
I have to defend standing to pee because although sitting to pee is more relaxing and causes fewer overspray issues, standing is decidedly quicker and more convenient.
Also, certain round (as opposed to oval) and/or shallow toilet bowl shapes can frequently raise concerns regarding potential unwelcome touching issues for those of us with sticking-out bits that might cause us to opt for standing-up mode, at least in public restrooms.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:19 AM on March 8 [15 favorites]
Also, certain round (as opposed to oval) and/or shallow toilet bowl shapes can frequently raise concerns regarding potential unwelcome touching issues for those of us with sticking-out bits that might cause us to opt for standing-up mode, at least in public restrooms.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:19 AM on March 8 [15 favorites]
Honestly it’s like 50/50 for me, this cis man. I’ll stand in public (public bathrooms are a genuinely horrifying space for me and stalls are the worst) but I’ll sit at home most of the time. It’s easier to clean and I don’t have hygiene anxiety that way! But god, I hate public bathrooms.
posted by skookumsaurus rex at 10:20 AM on March 8 [9 favorites]
posted by skookumsaurus rex at 10:20 AM on March 8 [9 favorites]
I... what? They went in the stall, took off their pants, left said pants in the stall and then went to the urinal completely naked from the waist down? Is that what happened?
Correct. Perhaps I did not use enough question marks in my parenthetical.
Donald Duck style
posted by Going To Maine at 10:20 AM on March 8 [12 favorites]
Correct. Perhaps I did not use enough question marks in my parenthetical.
Donald Duck style
posted by Going To Maine at 10:20 AM on March 8 [12 favorites]
I grew up in a pretty rural area and went to school with a lot of rural farm kids. The level of homophobia in the 1980s was pretty extreme in my area, so the idea that a male would willingly expose any part of his body (or even reveal his underwear) to another male for any reason seems almost ridiculous to me.
When I went to college, there were a couple of guys on my floor that showered literally in the middle of the night. I asked one of them about that and he mumbled something about not being comfortable about other naked men, so he just avoided those situations by showering when he did.
I suspect that if you're a male athlete, that you've gotten used to at least showering with other guys. But maybe that's different in some way. Maybe there's a showering brotherhood where being in the same room with other naked people is ok, but everywhere else it's strictly verboten?
posted by ensign_ricky at 10:20 AM on March 8 [2 favorites]
When I went to college, there were a couple of guys on my floor that showered literally in the middle of the night. I asked one of them about that and he mumbled something about not being comfortable about other naked men, so he just avoided those situations by showering when he did.
I suspect that if you're a male athlete, that you've gotten used to at least showering with other guys. But maybe that's different in some way. Maybe there's a showering brotherhood where being in the same room with other naked people is ok, but everywhere else it's strictly verboten?
posted by ensign_ricky at 10:20 AM on March 8 [2 favorites]
> the targeted directionality of an external apparatus
I find your ideas intriguing and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter
Sorry, let me just clarify - you're saying that the idea of being able to use your penis to aim with when urinating is a novel concept?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:21 AM on March 8 [1 favorite]
I find your ideas intriguing and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter
Sorry, let me just clarify - you're saying that the idea of being able to use your penis to aim with when urinating is a novel concept?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:21 AM on March 8 [1 favorite]
Right, there are a couple of base techniques here. One is to pull the whole pants down under the junkular level IN THE FRONT. You can either pop the whole package out or just the penis. The back of the pants remains above the crack region.
Or you can unzip the fly and pull the penis out of it. You keep the top button buttoned in that case. You either pull the underwear down or use the fly hole.
But yeah, having a bare ass out at the urinal is not really a thing unless you're under 6 or over 80.
And as far as I've experienced, there's not a ton of backsplash or dribbling involved unless something goes seriously wrong.
posted by skullhead at 10:21 AM on March 8 [9 favorites]
Or you can unzip the fly and pull the penis out of it. You keep the top button buttoned in that case. You either pull the underwear down or use the fly hole.
But yeah, having a bare ass out at the urinal is not really a thing unless you're under 6 or over 80.
And as far as I've experienced, there's not a ton of backsplash or dribbling involved unless something goes seriously wrong.
posted by skullhead at 10:21 AM on March 8 [9 favorites]
This is why I have moved to wearable tech, two words:
mobile
bidet
posted by MonsieurPEB at 10:21 AM on March 8 [7 favorites]
mobile
bidet
posted by MonsieurPEB at 10:21 AM on March 8 [7 favorites]
My spouse works with children with severe special needs, many of whom need to be taught how to use a toilet or urinal. Based on the number of times they have had to correct this misunderstanding with women teachers and staff, it must be shockingly widespread. There was even one woman who believed that men undid their pants, and let them fall to their ankles when using a urinal.
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 10:23 AM on March 8 [6 favorites]
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 10:23 AM on March 8 [6 favorites]
try takin' a whiz and sitting for biz
I gotta stand a little to get the last drops out, honest. Not that this can’t be worked into a mostly sitting routine.
posted by atoxyl at 10:28 AM on March 8 [1 favorite]
I gotta stand a little to get the last drops out, honest. Not that this can’t be worked into a mostly sitting routine.
posted by atoxyl at 10:28 AM on March 8 [1 favorite]
Now do the sit-to-pee community and 'hovering' in public bathrooms...
posted by dragstroke at 10:29 AM on March 8 [11 favorites]
posted by dragstroke at 10:29 AM on March 8 [11 favorites]
There was even one woman who believed that men undid their pants, and let them fall to their ankles when using a urinal.
Hey, that was only once, I was pretty drunk, and the other hockey fans cheered me on.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 10:37 AM on March 8 [31 favorites]
Hey, that was only once, I was pretty drunk, and the other hockey fans cheered me on.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 10:37 AM on March 8 [31 favorites]
I've never closely watched a guy pee ( I look away!), but I was aware of the existence of underwear flys and of course pants zippers. The math seems pretty simple here, I'm not sure why anyone finds this confusing. Also, sagging your pants down doesn't seem like it would protect splashback anyway?
Just please wash your hands after is all I ask.
posted by emjaybee at 10:37 AM on March 8 [6 favorites]
Just please wash your hands after is all I ask.
posted by emjaybee at 10:37 AM on March 8 [6 favorites]
My grandfather once went into cardiac arrest while standing to pee and the injuries he received from falling complicated his recovery. So since then I've always made it a point to sit down.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 10:39 AM on March 8 [11 favorites]
posted by RonButNotStupid at 10:39 AM on March 8 [11 favorites]
Eponysterical.
posted by 3.2.3 at 10:39 AM on March 8 [6 favorites]
posted by 3.2.3 at 10:39 AM on March 8 [6 favorites]
It is true that as prostate-equipped people age, the tubes become less elastic, and more liquid tends to remain inside to work it's drippy way out after sitting. I am here to tell you that pelvic floor exercises are good and healthy for all genders and do excellent work in mitigating some (but admittedly not all) of this age-related debility. However, getting a few drops of wee safely contained on our smallclothes after standing, instead of on the floor and/or fixtures, is simply part of how we pay our debt to society.
posted by seanmpuckett at 10:40 AM on March 8 [19 favorites]
posted by seanmpuckett at 10:40 AM on March 8 [19 favorites]
I amazed to hear of the German sitzpinkler movement. I was at an international conference in 2009 and overheard a German using the word sitzpinkler as an insult. Things must have changed in 15 years.
posted by 3.2.3 at 10:45 AM on March 8 [4 favorites]
posted by 3.2.3 at 10:45 AM on March 8 [4 favorites]
EmpressCallipygos - it’s the phrasing. Or at least I found it a festive take on the extra polite and evasive way many folks try to obliquely talk about such things.
posted by zenon at 10:49 AM on March 8 [9 favorites]
posted by zenon at 10:49 AM on March 8 [9 favorites]
I read an article about some German men preferring to sit in the toilet seat, but after do they wipe or shake? How does one reach to shake/wipe while sitting? Or rather is a bidet used?
posted by polymodus at 10:51 AM on March 8 [1 favorite]
posted by polymodus at 10:51 AM on March 8 [1 favorite]
folks who sit to pee and thus don't get piss on the floor, seat, hands, clothing
That may seem self-evident, obvious, and correct, but I can assure you it is not.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:52 AM on March 8 [19 favorites]
That may seem self-evident, obvious, and correct, but I can assure you it is not.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:52 AM on March 8 [19 favorites]
There was even one woman who believed that men undid their pants, and let them fall to their ankles when using a urinal.
There are tons of ads with people on toilets with their pants down around their ankles which I find extremely odd. I suppose there must be people that do that, but I don't really consider bathroom floors to be at their cleanest right around the toilet, and it's a lot more work to get your trousers back up and re-situated if you're starting from ankles instead of knees.
posted by oneirodynia at 10:56 AM on March 8 [11 favorites]
There are tons of ads with people on toilets with their pants down around their ankles which I find extremely odd. I suppose there must be people that do that, but I don't really consider bathroom floors to be at their cleanest right around the toilet, and it's a lot more work to get your trousers back up and re-situated if you're starting from ankles instead of knees.
posted by oneirodynia at 10:56 AM on March 8 [11 favorites]
It brings with it a different problem, that of the accursed final drop, which no matter what you do, will not fall until after you stand up and pull your pants back up.folks who sit to pee and thus don't get piss on the floor, seat, hands, clothingThat may seem self-evident, obvious, and correct, but I can assure you it is not.
posted by ChrisR at 10:58 AM on March 8 [9 favorites]
I’m surprised no one has yet brought up this classic bathroom graffito:
No matter how you wiggle,
No matter how you dance,
The last few drops
Always wind up on your pants!
And there’s this admonition given to all men at a young age (at least in my social group):
“If you shake it more than three times, then you’re playing with it”
There’s also a guide to how men use urinals in public bathrooms in such a way as to maximize the distance between any two guys peeing at the same time, but I don’t have time to look it up now.
But if something as seemingly simple (and biologically necessary) as micturition can get this complicated, then men need to stop whining about not understanding women.
posted by TedW at 11:00 AM on March 8 [3 favorites]
No matter how you wiggle,
No matter how you dance,
The last few drops
Always wind up on your pants!
And there’s this admonition given to all men at a young age (at least in my social group):
“If you shake it more than three times, then you’re playing with it”
There’s also a guide to how men use urinals in public bathrooms in such a way as to maximize the distance between any two guys peeing at the same time, but I don’t have time to look it up now.
But if something as seemingly simple (and biologically necessary) as micturition can get this complicated, then men need to stop whining about not understanding women.
posted by TedW at 11:00 AM on March 8 [3 favorites]
I assume Esther Wang lives in NYC, so how has she never been confronted with the grim spectacle of a dude pissing in the street?
posted by praemunire at 11:02 AM on March 8 [4 favorites]
posted by praemunire at 11:02 AM on March 8 [4 favorites]
TedW, I always knew it as:
You can shake it fast or slow
You can smack it on the wall
But it's not until it's in your pants
The final drop will fall
posted by ChrisR at 11:03 AM on March 8 [3 favorites]
You can shake it fast or slow
You can smack it on the wall
But it's not until it's in your pants
The final drop will fall
posted by ChrisR at 11:03 AM on March 8 [3 favorites]
happens to every boy exactly once
Some of us are slow learners.
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 11:04 AM on March 8 [6 favorites]
Some of us are slow learners.
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 11:04 AM on March 8 [6 favorites]
not just pants-around-the-ankles, but pants-in-the-stall-pee-in-the-urinal (why?!!!!!).
There is an aspect of this which is not obvious but just adds to the craziness: did this person remove their shoes in order to take off their pants? 'Cause I would rather be pantsless than barefoot in most public bathrooms.
posted by jackbishop at 11:06 AM on March 8 [15 favorites]
There is an aspect of this which is not obvious but just adds to the craziness: did this person remove their shoes in order to take off their pants? 'Cause I would rather be pantsless than barefoot in most public bathrooms.
posted by jackbishop at 11:06 AM on March 8 [15 favorites]
Urinals are a gross last resort
I see your urinal and raise you one sports stadium communal trough
posted by chavenet at 11:07 AM on March 8 [21 favorites]
I see your urinal and raise you one sports stadium communal trough
posted by chavenet at 11:07 AM on March 8 [21 favorites]
chavenet, I can't rememer where it was, but I went to a sporting event where the facility wasn't a trough where users were at least beside each other; it was the inverse of a fountain; a circle around which all the urinating folk stood and peed inwards, facing each other.
It was wild.
posted by ChrisR at 11:09 AM on March 8 [25 favorites]
It was wild.
posted by ChrisR at 11:09 AM on March 8 [25 favorites]
Never thought about this before, but I'm right-handed and I aim with my left hand. Anyone else?
posted by Eddie Mars at 11:11 AM on March 8 [1 favorite]
posted by Eddie Mars at 11:11 AM on March 8 [1 favorite]
ChrisR, my High School had troughs like that. It sucked.
posted by Eddie Mars at 11:12 AM on March 8 [2 favorites]
posted by Eddie Mars at 11:12 AM on March 8 [2 favorites]
Let's just talk about men's rest areas...
I will shit myself before I will sit on one of those seats. Or let my pants touch the floor near a urinal. good lord.
posted by Windopaene at 11:15 AM on March 8 [2 favorites]
I will shit myself before I will sit on one of those seats. Or let my pants touch the floor near a urinal. good lord.
posted by Windopaene at 11:15 AM on March 8 [2 favorites]
Oh no Esther! Oh no
posted by capricorn at 11:20 AM on March 8 [1 favorite]
posted by capricorn at 11:20 AM on March 8 [1 favorite]
Why is the opening at the front of mens' briefs still there if it's rarely used?
It also adds an extra layer of material in front to absorb those sneaky last drops?
posted by pracowity at 11:21 AM on March 8 [1 favorite]
It also adds an extra layer of material in front to absorb those sneaky last drops?
posted by pracowity at 11:21 AM on March 8 [1 favorite]
Never thought about this before, but I'm right-handed and I aim with my left hand. Anyone else?
Vincent : What's this?
Dr. Lamar : New policy, what's the matter? Flight got you nervous.
Vincent : Nope, there's a problem Lamar...
Dr. Lamar : ...I still haven't told you about my son, have I? He's a big fan of yours...
Vincent : Just remember. I was as good as any, and better than most...
Dr. Lamar : ...He wants to apply here...
Vincent : ...I could've gone up and back and nobody would've been the wiser...
Dr. Lamar : ...unfortunately my son's not all that they promised. But then again, who knows what he could do.
[test reveals Vincent as invalid]
Dr. Lamar : For future reference, right-handed men don't hold it with their left. Just one of those things.
[Lamar hits button revealing Jerome's valid i.d]
Dr. Lamar : You're gonna miss your flight, Vincent.
posted by Justinian at 11:23 AM on March 8 [16 favorites]
Vincent : What's this?
Dr. Lamar : New policy, what's the matter? Flight got you nervous.
Vincent : Nope, there's a problem Lamar...
Dr. Lamar : ...I still haven't told you about my son, have I? He's a big fan of yours...
Vincent : Just remember. I was as good as any, and better than most...
Dr. Lamar : ...He wants to apply here...
Vincent : ...I could've gone up and back and nobody would've been the wiser...
Dr. Lamar : ...unfortunately my son's not all that they promised. But then again, who knows what he could do.
[test reveals Vincent as invalid]
Dr. Lamar : For future reference, right-handed men don't hold it with their left. Just one of those things.
[Lamar hits button revealing Jerome's valid i.d]
Dr. Lamar : You're gonna miss your flight, Vincent.
posted by Justinian at 11:23 AM on March 8 [16 favorites]
above the crack region
I believe it's called the cleftal horizon.
I'm right-handed and I aim with my left hand
Hope this isn't spoiling a movie that's 27 years old (holy shit time), but that's the punchline of Gattaca. Also, no. I can't pee with my left hand.
Those of you talking about the dangers of zippers, etc.: How is it any different? When you stand and pee at a urinal you unzip your fly, pull it out, and pee. When you sit to pee, you unzip your fly and pull all of your pants down. The proximity of the zipper to the penis never changes. And the same goes for closing the fly. Maybe there's some danger in scraping on the zipper, but that's the only difference that I can imagine.
posted by Snowishberlin at 11:25 AM on March 8 [4 favorites]
I believe it's called the cleftal horizon.
I'm right-handed and I aim with my left hand
Hope this isn't spoiling a movie that's 27 years old (holy shit time), but that's the punchline of Gattaca. Also, no. I can't pee with my left hand.
Those of you talking about the dangers of zippers, etc.: How is it any different? When you stand and pee at a urinal you unzip your fly, pull it out, and pee. When you sit to pee, you unzip your fly and pull all of your pants down. The proximity of the zipper to the penis never changes. And the same goes for closing the fly. Maybe there's some danger in scraping on the zipper, but that's the only difference that I can imagine.
posted by Snowishberlin at 11:25 AM on March 8 [4 favorites]
Funny, I had this discussion with my wife recently. She also didn't understand the function of a fly...
Isn't road head still a thing?
posted by Thorzdad at 11:26 AM on March 8 [4 favorites]
Isn't road head still a thing?
posted by Thorzdad at 11:26 AM on March 8 [4 favorites]
Oh, Justinian, you beat me to it!
posted by Snowishberlin at 11:26 AM on March 8
posted by Snowishberlin at 11:26 AM on March 8
My favorite line in the link as 'several people are typing..."
posted by signal at 11:29 AM on March 8 [24 favorites]
posted by signal at 11:29 AM on March 8 [24 favorites]
Nominative determinism failed us this time around.
posted by Quindar Beep at 11:30 AM on March 8 [1 favorite]
posted by Quindar Beep at 11:30 AM on March 8 [1 favorite]
Only jeans I've worn for a decade have been button-fly. I guess on the rare occasions when I "dress up" I have a zipper, but that issue is mostly not a thing. But the undies-fly is just too much work. Up and over for me.
posted by Windopaene at 11:31 AM on March 8
posted by Windopaene at 11:31 AM on March 8
Always sit down if there's a seat. Always stand if there isn't. It's not rocket science, and you don't have to remember to put the seat down when you're done.
Also: drunk people can be amazingly uninhibited about pissing with hilarious results. I have stories, I will not shares these stories on the internet.
posted by phooky at 11:32 AM on March 8 [4 favorites]
Also: drunk people can be amazingly uninhibited about pissing with hilarious results. I have stories, I will not shares these stories on the internet.
posted by phooky at 11:32 AM on March 8 [4 favorites]
the targeted directionality of an external apparatus
That is by far my favorite At The Drive-In album.
posted by gwint at 11:33 AM on March 8 [20 favorites]
That is by far my favorite At The Drive-In album.
posted by gwint at 11:33 AM on March 8 [20 favorites]
I don't really get the confusion, have women never seen penises before? The urethra ends way outside our body, the pee goes
----> over there.
We don't bring the penis back in until the pee is gone. Like, when pumping gas you don't put the handle back on the pump until it's done dispensing.
(I am also a "sit down whenever possible" guy, how else am I going to check Facebook while peeing?)
posted by AzraelBrown at 11:33 AM on March 8 [3 favorites]
----> over there.
We don't bring the penis back in until the pee is gone. Like, when pumping gas you don't put the handle back on the pump until it's done dispensing.
(I am also a "sit down whenever possible" guy, how else am I going to check Facebook while peeing?)
posted by AzraelBrown at 11:33 AM on March 8 [3 favorites]
If you really want to blow a woman's mind, explain to them the existence of, and group use of, urinal troughs.
..........
Only jeans I've worn for a decade have been button-fly. I guess on the rare occasions when I "dress up" I have a zipper, but that issue is mostly not a thing. But the undies-fly is just too much work. Up and over for me.
Button-fly here, too. Under them, bikinis. No fly. Just pull 'em to the side.
posted by Thorzdad at 11:35 AM on March 8 [2 favorites]
..........
Only jeans I've worn for a decade have been button-fly. I guess on the rare occasions when I "dress up" I have a zipper, but that issue is mostly not a thing. But the undies-fly is just too much work. Up and over for me.
Button-fly here, too. Under them, bikinis. No fly. Just pull 'em to the side.
posted by Thorzdad at 11:35 AM on March 8 [2 favorites]
Like, when pumping gas you don't put the handle back on the pump until it's done dispensing.
With generally similar results.
posted by The Bellman at 11:35 AM on March 8 [9 favorites]
With generally similar results.
posted by The Bellman at 11:35 AM on March 8 [9 favorites]
If you really want to blow a woman's mind, explain to them the existence of, and group use of, urinal troughs.
And sometimes they fill them with ice and you pee on the ice.
posted by LionIndex at 11:37 AM on March 8 [7 favorites]
And sometimes they fill them with ice and you pee on the ice.
posted by LionIndex at 11:37 AM on March 8 [7 favorites]
~Like, when pumping gas you don't put the handle back on the pump until it's done dispensing.
~With generally similar results.
Normally, without the danger of fire or explosion, of course.
posted by Thorzdad at 11:37 AM on March 8 [7 favorites]
~With generally similar results.
Normally, without the danger of fire or explosion, of course.
posted by Thorzdad at 11:37 AM on March 8 [7 favorites]
Speak for yourself, Thorzdad.
posted by Quindar Beep at 11:38 AM on March 8 [14 favorites]
posted by Quindar Beep at 11:38 AM on March 8 [14 favorites]
"pull 'em to the side"?
You are a monster...
posted by Windopaene at 11:38 AM on March 8 [2 favorites]
You are a monster...
posted by Windopaene at 11:38 AM on March 8 [2 favorites]
~Like, when pumping gas you don't put the handle back on the pump until it's done dispensing.
~With generally similar results.
~Normally, without the danger of fire or explosion, of course.
Depends on your diet, I guess.
posted by The Bellman at 11:39 AM on March 8 [4 favorites]
~With generally similar results.
~Normally, without the danger of fire or explosion, of course.
Depends on your diet, I guess.
posted by The Bellman at 11:39 AM on March 8 [4 favorites]
~"pull 'em to the side"?
~You are a monster...
Why, thank you!
posted by Thorzdad at 11:40 AM on March 8 [4 favorites]
~You are a monster...
Why, thank you!
posted by Thorzdad at 11:40 AM on March 8 [4 favorites]
It brings with it a different problem, that of the accursed final drop, which no matter what you do, will not fall until after you stand up and pull your pants back up.
There is toilet paper. Right over there. Boychild potty training could use some improvements.
posted by nobody at 11:41 AM on March 8 [11 favorites]
There is toilet paper. Right over there. Boychild potty training could use some improvements.
posted by nobody at 11:41 AM on March 8 [11 favorites]
This is the reverse situation of when men draw naked women with their vulva starting right under the navel.
FWIW, Kingsley Amis mocks that tendency in non-photographic pornography in his 1969 ghost story novel The Green Man, and your comment is the only other mention of it I’ve ever read or heard.
posted by jamjam at 11:43 AM on March 8 [3 favorites]
FWIW, Kingsley Amis mocks that tendency in non-photographic pornography in his 1969 ghost story novel The Green Man, and your comment is the only other mention of it I’ve ever read or heard.
posted by jamjam at 11:43 AM on March 8 [3 favorites]
I turn 70 this year and am not always 100% on top of the plumbing sphincters but I can, for example, reliably wake up at night and get to the bathroom. Yes there are two - internal IUS and external EUS - urethral sphincters: one up, one down from the prostate. [much more information on the anatomy than you need] The external lad is skeletal = voluntary muscle, while the internal one is standard smooth muscle under the unconscious autonomic nervous system. Occasionally, acting on internal signals, my conscious self get the "need to pee" message and head out through the drizzle for the compost heap. On arrival, the goddam internal sphincter, which has been holding on manfully, will announce "arrived at destination!" let go before the rest of the apparatus is out of the fly ready to fly. It's where Free Will meets free willy! Emergency clench by the external sphincter is often not quick enough: so tinkle leakage.
I guess it's why they let lecturers retire in their 60s. It's all very well for Leopold Bloom "Most of all he liked grilled mutton kidneys which gave to his palate a fine tang of faintly scented urine" to have a whiff of pee about him. But no fair on 20-somethings having to get up close and personal with a leaky lecturer during a physics lab? When I was 9 y.o. we could all pee twice the height of our heads . . . at 69, not so much
posted by BobTheScientist at 11:44 AM on March 8 [22 favorites]
I guess it's why they let lecturers retire in their 60s. It's all very well for Leopold Bloom "Most of all he liked grilled mutton kidneys which gave to his palate a fine tang of faintly scented urine" to have a whiff of pee about him. But no fair on 20-somethings having to get up close and personal with a leaky lecturer during a physics lab? When I was 9 y.o. we could all pee twice the height of our heads . . . at 69, not so much
posted by BobTheScientist at 11:44 AM on March 8 [22 favorites]
So one New Years Eve about 30 years ago I was in the public bar at the old hotel in Raglan, the band was good (it might have been my band but at this point in time I can't remember any more) and we had all been drinking a lot.
I went to the men's and stood at the urinal and pissed like a racehorse. It was fairly crowded and a old fellow was next to me. He turned his head a little bit and said:
Mate, if you could recycle that, you'd make a fortune.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 11:45 AM on March 8 [5 favorites]
I went to the men's and stood at the urinal and pissed like a racehorse. It was fairly crowded and a old fellow was next to me. He turned his head a little bit and said:
Mate, if you could recycle that, you'd make a fortune.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 11:45 AM on March 8 [5 favorites]
And sometimes they fill them with ice and you pee on the ice.
This is always such a treat. When you go to a bar with ice in the urinals or trough, it's the responsibility of the first man to use it to let everyone else know so they don't miss out on the rare pleasure of an ice pee.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:47 AM on March 8 [14 favorites]
This is always such a treat. When you go to a bar with ice in the urinals or trough, it's the responsibility of the first man to use it to let everyone else know so they don't miss out on the rare pleasure of an ice pee.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:47 AM on March 8 [14 favorites]
Most of this confusion is 100% due to these people (Esther and the dudes alike) not knowing/noticing that the fly on men's and women's pants are very different in size and position. I'm kind of surprised it doesn't come up in the conversation.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 11:51 AM on March 8 [11 favorites]
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 11:51 AM on March 8 [11 favorites]
Incidentally, "considered risible in the standing up to pee community" is my new sockpuppet name.
"standing up to pee" sounds like an anti-urine protest.
posted by Gorgik at 11:56 AM on March 8 [6 favorites]
"standing up to pee" sounds like an anti-urine protest.
posted by Gorgik at 11:56 AM on March 8 [6 favorites]
Standing up allows a person to obviate any chance of sharing a previous sitter's biome, micro or otherwise, but I still prefer to sit most of the time.
posted by jamjam at 11:59 AM on March 8 [1 favorite]
posted by jamjam at 11:59 AM on March 8 [1 favorite]
Emergency clench by the external sphincter
I had that album, I'm sure of it
posted by chavenet at 12:00 PM on March 8 [17 favorites]
I had that album, I'm sure of it
posted by chavenet at 12:00 PM on March 8 [17 favorites]
big fan of the sitzpinkler movement off that album chavenet
posted by djseafood at 12:02 PM on March 8 [4 favorites]
posted by djseafood at 12:02 PM on March 8 [4 favorites]
Thorzdad: Isn't road head still a thing?
Not since American Gods 😬
posted by capricorn at 12:12 PM on March 8 [10 favorites]
Not since American Gods 😬
posted by capricorn at 12:12 PM on March 8 [10 favorites]
I actually get more dribble when I sit to pee than when I stand, which is why I hate to sit to pee. Of course lots of urinals are extremely poorly designed, so backsplash or floor drips are common.
I grew up rural, and my WPA era elementary school had the big circular trough so you looked another kid in the eye when you went pee. I also never saw individual school showers until college. They were all communal.
I've only known a few guys who use the fly, including my dad. It always annoyed me, so I pull the underwear down, and go over the top. Your pants stay up hooked at the hip, they don't fall down.
I also work in an office, and have seen most, but never anyone Donald Ducking. I've seen people who do let their pants fall to their knees to pee, so bare butted.
posted by The_Vegetables at 12:13 PM on March 8 [3 favorites]
I grew up rural, and my WPA era elementary school had the big circular trough so you looked another kid in the eye when you went pee. I also never saw individual school showers until college. They were all communal.
I've only known a few guys who use the fly, including my dad. It always annoyed me, so I pull the underwear down, and go over the top. Your pants stay up hooked at the hip, they don't fall down.
I also work in an office, and have seen most, but never anyone Donald Ducking. I've seen people who do let their pants fall to their knees to pee, so bare butted.
posted by The_Vegetables at 12:13 PM on March 8 [3 favorites]
"the last drop" business:
It's a soft tube which is shakable starting from the base of the penis, sure, but it can still be accessed for maybe a few inches past that as the urethra runs near the surface of the body underneath the scrotum. A little pressure and manipulation will squeeze any remaining liquid out of that entire length of urethra. Squeezing works much better than shaking, and can clear more of the urethra than even ideal case shaking can. Finish with the toilet paper for anything left on the surface. It's not a hard problem to solve!
posted by vibratory manner of working at 12:15 PM on March 8 [15 favorites]
It's a soft tube which is shakable starting from the base of the penis, sure, but it can still be accessed for maybe a few inches past that as the urethra runs near the surface of the body underneath the scrotum. A little pressure and manipulation will squeeze any remaining liquid out of that entire length of urethra. Squeezing works much better than shaking, and can clear more of the urethra than even ideal case shaking can. Finish with the toilet paper for anything left on the surface. It's not a hard problem to solve!
posted by vibratory manner of working at 12:15 PM on March 8 [15 favorites]
Also so many women hover, thus getting more pee on the seat than any man. Especially in public restrooms.
posted by The_Vegetables at 12:15 PM on March 8 [3 favorites]
posted by The_Vegetables at 12:15 PM on March 8 [3 favorites]
I can't pee with my left hand.
Neither can I, I have to use my penis.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:19 PM on March 8 [72 favorites]
Neither can I, I have to use my penis.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:19 PM on March 8 [72 favorites]
You think that's bad; I've known men who've admitted that they wipe standing up.
I know one person who claims to just take a shower after pooping. As in, that's their solution to wiping.
That person is not allowed in my house.
posted by grumpybear69 at 12:22 PM on March 8 [9 favorites]
I know one person who claims to just take a shower after pooping. As in, that's their solution to wiping.
That person is not allowed in my house.
posted by grumpybear69 at 12:22 PM on March 8 [9 favorites]
If you really want to blow a woman's mind, explain to them the existence of, and group use of, urinal troughs.
And sometimes they fill them with ice and you pee on the ice.
Sugar on snow at the Maple Shack!
posted by srboisvert at 12:22 PM on March 8 [1 favorite]
And sometimes they fill them with ice and you pee on the ice.
Sugar on snow at the Maple Shack!
posted by srboisvert at 12:22 PM on March 8 [1 favorite]
They had a urinal trough in my elementary school. I ran into the boys' room to peep in there and was very confused as to why they had one toilet and a GIANT water fountain instead.
Mate, if you could recycle that, you'd make a fortune.
That's the plot of Urinetown, right there.
That said, I always figured men just unzipped, whipped, and zipped again.
posted by jenfullmoon at 12:23 PM on March 8 [1 favorite]
Mate, if you could recycle that, you'd make a fortune.
That's the plot of Urinetown, right there.
That said, I always figured men just unzipped, whipped, and zipped again.
posted by jenfullmoon at 12:23 PM on March 8 [1 favorite]
Emergency clench by the external sphincter
I had that album, I'm sure of it
That was by King Crimson, wasn't it?
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:25 PM on March 8 [5 favorites]
I had that album, I'm sure of it
That was by King Crimson, wasn't it?
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:25 PM on March 8 [5 favorites]
I think the real problem with dropping trou has to be the horrible idea of letting any part of one's clothing or person touch the floor near a urinal. Even the soles of the shoes is a terrible sacrifice.
posted by fleacircus at 12:26 PM on March 8 [14 favorites]
posted by fleacircus at 12:26 PM on March 8 [14 favorites]
I am surprised that no one has pointed out that part of the problem here mentally, for vulva-havers, is that the pee hole is down between one's legs, whereas penises are kind of attached to the front of one's torso. Penises do not start where the clit starts. So in attempting to imagine this as a vulva-haver, it's tempting to think that one would have pull their penis-having pants down more than one does.
posted by branca at 12:26 PM on March 8 [10 favorites]
posted by branca at 12:26 PM on March 8 [10 favorites]
I can't pee with my left hand.
Neither can I, I have to use my penis.
I came here to say much the same thing, but I was going to say
Neither can I, I have to use the targeted directionality of an external apparatus
posted by MtDewd at 12:31 PM on March 8 [10 favorites]
Neither can I, I have to use my penis.
I came here to say much the same thing, but I was going to say
Neither can I, I have to use the targeted directionality of an external apparatus
posted by MtDewd at 12:31 PM on March 8 [10 favorites]
the penis is a hose / like a grotesque, nubby nose / which is where all of the liquid that you drink eventually goes
posted by grumpybear69 at 12:31 PM on March 8 [2 favorites]
posted by grumpybear69 at 12:31 PM on March 8 [2 favorites]
Neither can I, I have to use the targeted directionality of an external apparatus
You have to use an At the Drive In album??
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:32 PM on March 8 [4 favorites]
You have to use an At the Drive In album??
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:32 PM on March 8 [4 favorites]
Having just been through kidney stone laser stone ablation hell and a 10 day stent I am inclined to tell everyone to pee however they want, through any clothing they want and to savor the moment because there may come a day when peeing becomes Cronenbergian body horror and you'll realize just how sweet pain free urination was even if you don't have diabetes.
posted by srboisvert at 12:33 PM on March 8 [31 favorites]
posted by srboisvert at 12:33 PM on March 8 [31 favorites]
my naym is pee
an wen i drip
frum wiggly wobbly
weener tip
i mayk u think
of probably how
u should have gone
and dropped the trou
posted by grumpybear69 at 12:36 PM on March 8 [39 favorites]
an wen i drip
frum wiggly wobbly
weener tip
i mayk u think
of probably how
u should have gone
and dropped the trou
posted by grumpybear69 at 12:36 PM on March 8 [39 favorites]
Also, we had a lively discussion about this ourselves in 2006:
And from 2009, don't forget the legendary pee in the sink thread, continued in the resulting metatalk.
posted by Melismata at 12:46 PM on March 8 [2 favorites]
And from 2009, don't forget the legendary pee in the sink thread, continued in the resulting metatalk.
posted by Melismata at 12:46 PM on March 8 [2 favorites]
>folks who sit to pee and thus don't get piss on the floor, seat, hands, clothing
As the usual toilet cleaner and only standing pee-er in our 2 person household, I experimented with always sitting down for a week. It did not noticeably change the amount of cleaning needed. While I don't have slow-mo footage to confirm, I assume any theoretical decrease in splashing was canceled out by the increase in drippage upon standing up.
posted by mrgoldenbrown at 12:46 PM on March 8 [2 favorites]
As the usual toilet cleaner and only standing pee-er in our 2 person household, I experimented with always sitting down for a week. It did not noticeably change the amount of cleaning needed. While I don't have slow-mo footage to confirm, I assume any theoretical decrease in splashing was canceled out by the increase in drippage upon standing up.
posted by mrgoldenbrown at 12:46 PM on March 8 [2 favorites]
The urethra ends way outside our body
..................wtf timeline have I stumbled into
posted by praemunire at 12:49 PM on March 8 [8 favorites]
..................wtf timeline have I stumbled into
posted by praemunire at 12:49 PM on March 8 [8 favorites]
I think the other disconnect is that thems without a penis can generally, once they get into position, pee without touching themselves until cleanup time. Thems with a penis are like, of course you have to hold the hose to make the water go in the right direction.
I think she was assuming the urine falls straight down from the exit portal.
posted by straight at 12:53 PM on March 8 [5 favorites]
I think she was assuming the urine falls straight down from the exit portal.
posted by straight at 12:53 PM on March 8 [5 favorites]
It’s commonly understood that it takes 43 muscles to pee standing up, but only 13 to pee while sitting.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:57 PM on March 8 [4 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:57 PM on March 8 [4 favorites]
And there’s this admonition given to all men at a young age (at least in my social group):
“If you shake it more than three times, then you’re playing with it”
An old friend liked to respond to this admonition thusly:
"Take good care of your tools and they'll take good care of you."
posted by slappy_pinchbottom at 12:58 PM on March 8 [11 favorites]
“If you shake it more than three times, then you’re playing with it”
An old friend liked to respond to this admonition thusly:
"Take good care of your tools and they'll take good care of you."
posted by slappy_pinchbottom at 12:58 PM on March 8 [11 favorites]
I will say that when I was working with a woman who had a son who was toilet training, I recounted how when my son was that age he came up with a novel way to handle "the last drop". Keep in mind that he pulled his pants and underwear all the way down. He leaned forward, arched his back and slapped his buttocks with both hands simultaneously. She was crying laughing.
posted by plinth at 1:04 PM on March 8 [20 favorites]
posted by plinth at 1:04 PM on March 8 [20 favorites]
Has she never seen one of those scenes in movie/TV shows where two guys are having a conversation at the urinal? They're not standing there with their ass cheeks out!
As a penis-haver, I had a conversation once with a non-penis-haver that kind of blew my mind. She said that when she sits to pee, she doesn't really use her muscles to push as much as she relaxes and the pee just kind of trickles out. As a penis-haver, pushing is very much part of it, whether standing or sitting. Like, you kind of have to relax and push.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 1:10 PM on March 8 [9 favorites]
As a penis-haver, I had a conversation once with a non-penis-haver that kind of blew my mind. She said that when she sits to pee, she doesn't really use her muscles to push as much as she relaxes and the pee just kind of trickles out. As a penis-haver, pushing is very much part of it, whether standing or sitting. Like, you kind of have to relax and push.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 1:10 PM on March 8 [9 favorites]
Mod note: One comment deleted. Please avoid using "spirit animal" more details in the Microaggressions Page.
posted by loup (staff) at 1:13 PM on March 8 [7 favorites]
posted by loup (staff) at 1:13 PM on March 8 [7 favorites]
Standing up allows a person to obviate any chance of sharing a previous sitter's biome, micro or otherwise, but I still prefer to sit most of the time.
Ah, but everyone shares a biome with everyone else that touches the handle/button. This is one reason why people should wash their hands.
posted by oneirodynia at 1:14 PM on March 8 [2 favorites]
Ah, but everyone shares a biome with everyone else that touches the handle/button. This is one reason why people should wash their hands.
posted by oneirodynia at 1:14 PM on March 8 [2 favorites]
Splashback, sure, but actual dribbling on myself? No? Like what?
Ooooh just you wait young mr. strong-prostate.
posted by nushustu at 1:20 PM on March 8 [28 favorites]
Ooooh just you wait young mr. strong-prostate.
posted by nushustu at 1:20 PM on March 8 [28 favorites]
And there’s this admonition given to all men at a young age (at least in my social group):
“If you shake it more than three times, then you’re playing with it”
I only ever encountered this as the middle line in a dad joke:
"Stop playing with it."
"If you shake it more than three times, then you’re playing with it."
"Now where did I put my glasses?"
posted by solotoro at 1:21 PM on March 8
“If you shake it more than three times, then you’re playing with it”
I only ever encountered this as the middle line in a dad joke:
"Stop playing with it."
"If you shake it more than three times, then you’re playing with it."
"Now where did I put my glasses?"
posted by solotoro at 1:21 PM on March 8
Dropping trou has way more opportunity for mess and disaster than using a fly, if you have the choice, in my experience.
And do none of you live in the middle of nowhere with a big private yard? I'm probably not fit for living in civilization any longer...
I will note that the drain in your shower is connected to the same place as your toilet is connected to--you save water by combining the chores, as it were, and this convenience can be enjoyed whatever your plumbing. Just go when you get in rather than late in the cycle, that way the shower will rinse away all evidence. (Also, aim for the drain, this isn't really an excuse to go all wildman, but you do you.) Washing hands is taken care of as part of the bargain.
(Having an iron bladder [and back then a topping digestive system], I never once used the restroom at any school after the third grade. I've probably made up for it over the years in bar restrooms, but I am glad to have avoided the horrors of school comfort facilities.)
posted by maxwelton at 1:26 PM on March 8 [1 favorite]
And do none of you live in the middle of nowhere with a big private yard? I'm probably not fit for living in civilization any longer...
I will note that the drain in your shower is connected to the same place as your toilet is connected to--you save water by combining the chores, as it were, and this convenience can be enjoyed whatever your plumbing. Just go when you get in rather than late in the cycle, that way the shower will rinse away all evidence. (Also, aim for the drain, this isn't really an excuse to go all wildman, but you do you.) Washing hands is taken care of as part of the bargain.
(Having an iron bladder [and back then a topping digestive system], I never once used the restroom at any school after the third grade. I've probably made up for it over the years in bar restrooms, but I am glad to have avoided the horrors of school comfort facilities.)
posted by maxwelton at 1:26 PM on March 8 [1 favorite]
I have little to add but I will contribute this: if you are penis-equipped and are used to trousers, your first washroom visit while wearing a kilt requires a surprising amount of planning and hoisting and relocating of handfuls of fabric and the sporran and all the rest to avoid the sort of accidents you mostly leave behind at age five.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 1:27 PM on March 8 [22 favorites]
posted by ricochet biscuit at 1:27 PM on March 8 [22 favorites]
I sit when I can, unless it’s during a quick break between meetings, because sitting always results in at least one game of Microsoft Solitaire.
posted by lhauser at 1:29 PM on March 8 [4 favorites]
posted by lhauser at 1:29 PM on March 8 [4 favorites]
a) I'm here for the fact that the article's header graphic of urinals is from a source called Unsplash. (Yes, I am aware the name is not actually related, but c'mon.)
b) some of us AMAB types still have legitimate medical reasons to prefer sitting when we tinkle!
posted by cyrusdogstar at 1:32 PM on March 8 [2 favorites]
b) some of us AMAB types still have legitimate medical reasons to prefer sitting when we tinkle!
posted by cyrusdogstar at 1:32 PM on March 8 [2 favorites]
Ah, but everyone shares a biome with everyone else that touches the handle/button. This is one reason why people should wash their hands.
You wash your hands before you flush?
posted by a non mouse, a cow herd at 1:38 PM on March 8
You wash your hands before you flush?
posted by a non mouse, a cow herd at 1:38 PM on March 8
Ok, so who has thought of pooing in a Pringles tube and posting it to someone they don't like?
posted by biffa at 1:41 PM on March 8 [3 favorites]
posted by biffa at 1:41 PM on March 8 [3 favorites]
For the guys who are embarrassed by seeing another man's equipment, I was like that until I got to Ft. Dix(ha!) in 2967. The new recruits had 10 minutes to complete the three s's...sh__, shower and shave. Toilets were 20 in a row on either side of a rectangular room. No partitions, three feet apart, some had no toilet seats. I got over my quezines real quick.
posted by Czjewel at 1:43 PM on March 8 [1 favorite]
posted by Czjewel at 1:43 PM on March 8 [1 favorite]
vibratory manner of working, rather like stripping the teat when milking, which I can’t not think of in context.
SheWees are not flexible enough to do that to, but they do rinse well.
posted by clew at 1:54 PM on March 8 [5 favorites]
SheWees are not flexible enough to do that to, but they do rinse well.
posted by clew at 1:54 PM on March 8 [5 favorites]
I was like that until I got to Ft. Dix(ha!) in 2967.
Tell us more about the future.
posted by pracowity at 1:55 PM on March 8 [21 favorites]
Tell us more about the future.
posted by pracowity at 1:55 PM on March 8 [21 favorites]
Pracowity...lol.
posted by Czjewel at 2:02 PM on March 8 [1 favorite]
posted by Czjewel at 2:02 PM on March 8 [1 favorite]
I Feel the Need to Share, to add two anecdata points.
I have been a sit-urinating penis-haver since toddler-hood, using urinals only when I had no other choice.
I am a righty who uses his left hand to deal with aiming, specifically to cut down on contamination before I get to the sink.
Zipper-fly waist-button jeans can be closed with the cleaner hand.
(Also, I don't think anyone brought it up, but as a sitter, my shirt gets tucked up under left armpit before sitting down, to avoid it touching the seat.)
You're welcome, citizens.
posted by Mutant Lobsters from Riverhead at 2:05 PM on March 8 [5 favorites]
I have been a sit-urinating penis-haver since toddler-hood, using urinals only when I had no other choice.
I am a righty who uses his left hand to deal with aiming, specifically to cut down on contamination before I get to the sink.
Zipper-fly waist-button jeans can be closed with the cleaner hand.
(Also, I don't think anyone brought it up, but as a sitter, my shirt gets tucked up under left armpit before sitting down, to avoid it touching the seat.)
You're welcome, citizens.
posted by Mutant Lobsters from Riverhead at 2:05 PM on March 8 [5 favorites]
Also, fellow penis-and-prostate possessors, when sitting down, you could deal with the 'last drop' problem before standing up again, like so:
1) small wad of toilet paper at the urethra exit.
2) manual frontwards palpation of tissue behind the testicles, until the urethra is clear. (I am probably not explaining that well, but experimentation is left as an exercise for the excretor.)
posted by Mutant Lobsters from Riverhead at 2:11 PM on March 8 [5 favorites]
1) small wad of toilet paper at the urethra exit.
2) manual frontwards palpation of tissue behind the testicles, until the urethra is clear. (I am probably not explaining that well, but experimentation is left as an exercise for the excretor.)
posted by Mutant Lobsters from Riverhead at 2:11 PM on March 8 [5 favorites]
if only all instances of learning new things and letting go of false beliefs was this joyful for both teacher and student.
posted by danjo at 2:18 PM on March 8 [7 favorites]
posted by danjo at 2:18 PM on March 8 [7 favorites]
>>It brings with it a different problem, that of the accursed final drop, which no matter what you do, will not fall until after you stand up and pull your pants back up.
>There is toilet paper. Right over there. Boychild potty training could use some improvements.
Unless you’re sticking it three inches up your urethra that’s not going to help.
Pee dribbling and nose hair both need more coverage in the Guide to Old Age.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:19 PM on March 8 [7 favorites]
>There is toilet paper. Right over there. Boychild potty training could use some improvements.
Unless you’re sticking it three inches up your urethra that’s not going to help.
Pee dribbling and nose hair both need more coverage in the Guide to Old Age.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:19 PM on March 8 [7 favorites]
I am probably not explaining that well
THUMB-PUNCH YERSELF RIGHT IN THE TAINT
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 2:22 PM on March 8 [28 favorites]
THUMB-PUNCH YERSELF RIGHT IN THE TAINT
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 2:22 PM on March 8 [28 favorites]
Nothing really matters, anyone can see.
Nothing really matters, to me!
A bicycle accident left me partly incontinent. Those last drops no longer an issue...if the rest of it goes where it's supposed.
posted by Goofyy at 2:24 PM on March 8 [1 favorite]
Nothing really matters, to me!
A bicycle accident left me partly incontinent. Those last drops no longer an issue...if the rest of it goes where it's supposed.
posted by Goofyy at 2:24 PM on March 8 [1 favorite]
Nothing really matters, anyone can see.
Nothing really matters, to me!
A bicycle accident left me partly incontinent. Those last drops no longer an issue...if the rest of it goes where it's supposed.
So I'm guessing you no longer want to ride your bicycle?
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:26 PM on March 8 [6 favorites]
Nothing really matters, to me!
A bicycle accident left me partly incontinent. Those last drops no longer an issue...if the rest of it goes where it's supposed.
So I'm guessing you no longer want to ride your bicycle?
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:26 PM on March 8 [6 favorites]
Standing up allows a person to obviate any chance of sharing a previous sitter's biome, micro or otherwise, but I still prefer to sit most of the time.
Ah, but everyone shares a biome with everyone else that touches the handle/button. This is one reason why people should wash their hands.
Did you miss the entire pandemic? Fecal Plume.
If you're in the bathroom you're in the biome. Hell if you are even bathroom adjacent you are in the plume. If you're in a tall building near the plumbing column you're probably in several floors worth of aerosolized excretory biome.
Wash your hands but also remember if you can smell the bathroom its because you've got urine and feces right in your nose and probably mouth too.
Pee dribbling and nose hair both need more coverage in the Guide to Old Age.
Let's not forget ear hair. And not even just in the earhole. Sometimes just on rando parts of the ear or right out the tip of your nose. Like WTH evolution? What you on about? Aging is a wild ride.
posted by srboisvert at 2:33 PM on March 8 [8 favorites]
Ah, but everyone shares a biome with everyone else that touches the handle/button. This is one reason why people should wash their hands.
Did you miss the entire pandemic? Fecal Plume.
If you're in the bathroom you're in the biome. Hell if you are even bathroom adjacent you are in the plume. If you're in a tall building near the plumbing column you're probably in several floors worth of aerosolized excretory biome.
Wash your hands but also remember if you can smell the bathroom its because you've got urine and feces right in your nose and probably mouth too.
Pee dribbling and nose hair both need more coverage in the Guide to Old Age.
Let's not forget ear hair. And not even just in the earhole. Sometimes just on rando parts of the ear or right out the tip of your nose. Like WTH evolution? What you on about? Aging is a wild ride.
posted by srboisvert at 2:33 PM on March 8 [8 favorites]
I can't pee with my left hand.
Neither can I, I have to use my penis.
...But how cool would it be to be able to "point and shoot"!?
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:39 PM on March 8 [5 favorites]
Neither can I, I have to use my penis.
...But how cool would it be to be able to "point and shoot"!?
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:39 PM on March 8 [5 favorites]
I can't pee with my left hand.
Funniest self help guy I ever heard was learn to brush your teeth with your non-dominant hand to expand your mind. Use that hand to control your pee too.
I've also seen people who use no hands. They put both hands on their hips like a gun slinger.
posted by The_Vegetables at 2:42 PM on March 8
Funniest self help guy I ever heard was learn to brush your teeth with your non-dominant hand to expand your mind. Use that hand to control your pee too.
I've also seen people who use no hands. They put both hands on their hips like a gun slinger.
posted by The_Vegetables at 2:42 PM on March 8
You wash your hands before you flush?
The father of a friend of mine was a chemist. He took my friend to a baseball game and they had to go to the bathroom. When his dad was at the urinal, he turned to the guy next to him and said, "so, you're a chemist, huh?" and they struck up a conversation about chemical engineering and all that. Afterwards, my friend asked him how he knew that he was a chemist. "because he washed his hands before walking up to the urinal."
posted by plinth at 2:45 PM on March 8 [21 favorites]
The father of a friend of mine was a chemist. He took my friend to a baseball game and they had to go to the bathroom. When his dad was at the urinal, he turned to the guy next to him and said, "so, you're a chemist, huh?" and they struck up a conversation about chemical engineering and all that. Afterwards, my friend asked him how he knew that he was a chemist. "because he washed his hands before walking up to the urinal."
posted by plinth at 2:45 PM on March 8 [21 favorites]
Squeezing works much better than shaking …
Or you could wring it out for even better results! (Derived from the punchline to a joke that is best told in person.)
posted by TedW at 2:55 PM on March 8
Or you could wring it out for even better results! (Derived from the punchline to a joke that is best told in person.)
posted by TedW at 2:55 PM on March 8
Yes, BobTheScientist and srboisvert, age is indeed a wild ride and being on top of the plumbing can occasionally be a wee challenge. HusbandHorse has always been a sitter, for which I am truly grateful, as there was NEVER any mess in my bathroom. He taught our boys that there was no shame in sitting, and if they wanted to stand, fine, an occasional overspray can be forgiven, but habitual messes would not be tolerated. Cleaning was ALWAYS up to the sprinkler, the quality of said clean to be determined by mom.
HusbandHorse is 76 this year and says that things are... different. Sitting stance is now even more appreciated, as peeing standing up in the great outdoors takes so much longer to get started. It can get chilly hanging things out there this time of year when we're hiking. But during the sitting, the customary slight squeeze with small shake doesn't seem to work quite as well these days, and he's been shocked and unnerved by the drip that lands on the edge of the seat when he stands. Me even more so, if I get up at night and he's been there before me, half asleep and didn't turn on the light. More shaking needs to be done!!!
Also, this is one of those threads that deserve a special place in the MetaFilter archives. I nearly wet myself reading the comments. It had nothing to do with me being 70 and having had four kids, it's just too damn funny!
posted by BlueHorse at 3:14 PM on March 8 [9 favorites]
HusbandHorse is 76 this year and says that things are... different. Sitting stance is now even more appreciated, as peeing standing up in the great outdoors takes so much longer to get started. It can get chilly hanging things out there this time of year when we're hiking. But during the sitting, the customary slight squeeze with small shake doesn't seem to work quite as well these days, and he's been shocked and unnerved by the drip that lands on the edge of the seat when he stands. Me even more so, if I get up at night and he's been there before me, half asleep and didn't turn on the light. More shaking needs to be done!!!
Also, this is one of those threads that deserve a special place in the MetaFilter archives. I nearly wet myself reading the comments. It had nothing to do with me being 70 and having had four kids, it's just too damn funny!
posted by BlueHorse at 3:14 PM on March 8 [9 favorites]
At my favorite café in town, there is a framed embroidered artwork that hangs just above and behind the toilet. It reads, “if you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be sweet and wipe the seat.” Which is both a sign of how well English is understood by nearly everyone in Sweden and how grossed out the owner has been by the number of men who have been standing up to pee and doing a bad job of cleaning up after themselves.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:14 PM on March 8 [3 favorites]
posted by Bella Donna at 3:14 PM on March 8 [3 favorites]
A man called HusbandHorse brings to mind quite the impressive image when envisioning his various peeing scenarios.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 3:37 PM on March 8 [6 favorites]
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 3:37 PM on March 8 [6 favorites]
"pushing is very much part of it, whether standing or sitting. Like, you kind of have to relax and push."
Wait... really?!? Is this true across the board? How did I not know this...
posted by Don Pepino at 3:43 PM on March 8
Wait... really?!? Is this true across the board? How did I not know this...
posted by Don Pepino at 3:43 PM on March 8
One of the best running gags in South Park is how Butters pees with his pants pulled all the way down.
posted by Nelson at 3:50 PM on March 8
posted by Nelson at 3:50 PM on March 8
“if you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be sweet and wipe the seat.”
I first heard that in the "Politenessman" comic in the early 80s National Lampoon magazine. I recall he had a stainless steel handkerchief he would bong unpolite people over the head with.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:52 PM on March 8 [2 favorites]
I first heard that in the "Politenessman" comic in the early 80s National Lampoon magazine. I recall he had a stainless steel handkerchief he would bong unpolite people over the head with.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:52 PM on March 8 [2 favorites]
At a recent matinee of a play in a nameless Eastern city, the largely elderly audence besieged the bathrooms afterwards and the sign said “all gender” outside the men’s room (i.e. the one with the figure in pants) so the woman I (73F) was with took us briskly in, the line being much too long outside the women’s room. No one hid or squealed in fright but you can bet all the guys lined up at the urinals revealed nothing in the way of buttock (or anything else untoward). But there was one gentleman in a stall with his trousers all the way off, I assume changing the Depends. No one commented and everyone’s objective was achieved.
There is little dignity in bathrooms, so I am always astounded by the right wing bathroom fears.
posted by Peach at 4:00 PM on March 8 [4 favorites]
There is little dignity in bathrooms, so I am always astounded by the right wing bathroom fears.
posted by Peach at 4:00 PM on March 8 [4 favorites]
As a penis-haver, I had a conversation once with a non-penis-haver that kind of blew my mind. She said that when she sits to pee, she doesn't really use her muscles to push as much as she relaxes and the pee just kind of trickles out. As a penis-haver, pushing is very much part of it, whether standing or sitting. Like, you kind of have to relax and push.
I - I don’t think that we do, not most of us, not using the voluntary muscles! At least until the prostate issues kick in.
(I’ve noticed that many people seem a little confused about the mechanics of urination? The bladder is a muscular organ, it pushes, you can help it with your abdominal muscles but you shouldn’t have to. And it definitely doesn’t rely on gravity.)
posted by atoxyl at 4:10 PM on March 8 [4 favorites]
I - I don’t think that we do, not most of us, not using the voluntary muscles! At least until the prostate issues kick in.
(I’ve noticed that many people seem a little confused about the mechanics of urination? The bladder is a muscular organ, it pushes, you can help it with your abdominal muscles but you shouldn’t have to. And it definitely doesn’t rely on gravity.)
posted by atoxyl at 4:10 PM on March 8 [4 favorites]
This thread needs over and under 50 years of age sections.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 4:18 PM on March 8 [27 favorites]
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 4:18 PM on March 8 [27 favorites]
*sigh*
MetaFilter: THUMB-PUNCH YERSELF RIGHT IN THE TAINT
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:19 PM on March 8 [13 favorites]
MetaFilter: THUMB-PUNCH YERSELF RIGHT IN THE TAINT
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:19 PM on March 8 [13 favorites]
If we’re doing piss facts, though, don’t bet on your penis against someone’s vulva in a distance competition. That extra tubing adds a lot of resistance, and so while you may have aim on your side, you may be astonished at the gap in raw firepower.
posted by atoxyl at 4:25 PM on March 8 [4 favorites]
posted by atoxyl at 4:25 PM on March 8 [4 favorites]
Nothing really matters, anyone can see.
Nothing really matters, to me!
A bicycle accident left me partly incontinent.
I don't want to ride my bicycle, bicycle, bicycle.
posted by biffa at 4:25 PM on March 8
Nothing really matters, to me!
A bicycle accident left me partly incontinent.
I don't want to ride my bicycle, bicycle, bicycle.
posted by biffa at 4:25 PM on March 8
you can help it with your abdominal muscles but you shouldn’t have to.
What I'm describing isn't usually much of an effort, prostate issues/UTIs aside. It's just, you don't simply sit down, relax everything, and the pee trickles out all by itself. It's more like have to kind of relax everything and also bear down somehow, just a bit, to start the flow. That's how it's always been for me anyway, and now you've got me kind of worried I pee wrong.
your first washroom visit while wearing a kilt requires a surprising amount of planning and hoisting and relocating of handfuls of fabric and the sporran and all the rest to avoid the sort of accidents you mostly leave behind at age five.
Dude, trying doing it in a nightclub bathroom while you're wearing some big fetish outfit with fishnets, crinoline, etc. A kilt? Luxury!
posted by Ursula Hitler at 5:05 PM on March 8
What I'm describing isn't usually much of an effort, prostate issues/UTIs aside. It's just, you don't simply sit down, relax everything, and the pee trickles out all by itself. It's more like have to kind of relax everything and also bear down somehow, just a bit, to start the flow. That's how it's always been for me anyway, and now you've got me kind of worried I pee wrong.
your first washroom visit while wearing a kilt requires a surprising amount of planning and hoisting and relocating of handfuls of fabric and the sporran and all the rest to avoid the sort of accidents you mostly leave behind at age five.
Dude, trying doing it in a nightclub bathroom while you're wearing some big fetish outfit with fishnets, crinoline, etc. A kilt? Luxury!
posted by Ursula Hitler at 5:05 PM on March 8
Aside from all that, how do you get to be an adult without ever seeing a man pee?
Like even if not irl, they show enough of it in movies that you can see our asses aren't just hanging out.
posted by juv3nal at 5:17 PM on March 8
Like even if not irl, they show enough of it in movies that you can see our asses aren't just hanging out.
posted by juv3nal at 5:17 PM on March 8
If we’re doing piss facts, though, don’t bet on your penis against someone’s vulva in a distance competition. That extra tubing adds a lot of resistance, and so while you may have aim on your side, you may be astonished at the gap in raw firepower.
The university I went to had all coed bathrooms in the dorms. Stalls, of course. The distinct difference between the sound of men and women peeing was often commented on.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 5:43 PM on March 8
The university I went to had all coed bathrooms in the dorms. Stalls, of course. The distinct difference between the sound of men and women peeing was often commented on.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 5:43 PM on March 8
chavenet, I can't rememer where it was, but I went to a sporting event where the facility wasn't a trough where users were at least beside each other; it was the inverse of a fountain; a circle around which all the urinating folk stood and peed inwards, facing each other.
Even worse, I went to a sports game where the bathroom had narrow rectangular troughs... with access from both sides. The guy standing directly in front of you and peeing towards you was at most two or two-and-a-half feet away. This was overseas and I was visibly foreign, so yes, everyone stared and it was a serious endeavor to overcome my shy bladder. No one said anything, but everyone to both sides just stared.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:44 PM on March 8
Even worse, I went to a sports game where the bathroom had narrow rectangular troughs... with access from both sides. The guy standing directly in front of you and peeing towards you was at most two or two-and-a-half feet away. This was overseas and I was visibly foreign, so yes, everyone stared and it was a serious endeavor to overcome my shy bladder. No one said anything, but everyone to both sides just stared.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:44 PM on March 8
Urinals are a marvelous invention that make the best of the awkward plumbing situation of the human male.
posted by donio at 5:50 PM on March 8
posted by donio at 5:50 PM on March 8
Ctrl-F "sit"...
OK looks like I'll have to break it out: I sit down when I pee... SLYT/Tim and Eric
posted by symbioid at 5:52 PM on March 8
OK looks like I'll have to break it out: I sit down when I pee... SLYT/Tim and Eric
posted by symbioid at 5:52 PM on March 8
And yeah you think women pull the pants up to their belly buttons cuz that's just how they roll? There's a reason women have hip/waist measurements on their clothes. I'm actually a bit shocked that she didn't realize this, or that the guys didn't. Or maybe that's the "haha" bit all along. Not only is she wrong about the thing but she's wrong about why she's wrong or how she's wrong. IDK.
posted by symbioid at 6:09 PM on March 8
posted by symbioid at 6:09 PM on March 8
Gentlemen evacuate with an almost innate understanding of hydrodynamics and sharpshooting...
posted by jim in austin at 6:25 PM on March 8
posted by jim in austin at 6:25 PM on March 8
You wash your hands before you flush?
I used to repair mainframes and their peripherals. Some of them were quite filthy.
The service guys I worked with differentiated themselves from the salesmen by saying 'a salesman walks into the bathroom, pees, and washes his hands. A [service tech] walks into the bathroom, washes his hands, and then pees.'
BTW- this thread made me laugh so much. I really enjoy the political posts, but this so so much better than those.
posted by MtDewd at 6:35 PM on March 8
I used to repair mainframes and their peripherals. Some of them were quite filthy.
The service guys I worked with differentiated themselves from the salesmen by saying 'a salesman walks into the bathroom, pees, and washes his hands. A [service tech] walks into the bathroom, washes his hands, and then pees.'
BTW- this thread made me laugh so much. I really enjoy the political posts, but this so so much better than those.
posted by MtDewd at 6:35 PM on March 8
The university I went to had all coed bathrooms in the dorms
Mine, too (well, the building had one reserved bathroom for each sex and the rest were coed). And this was in the 00s, just as a practicality of the dorms having been built as single-sex with one bathroom per floor, so boy do I roll my eyes when I see people raising this as a newfangled woke thing.
posted by atoxyl at 7:00 PM on March 8 [1 favorite]
Mine, too (well, the building had one reserved bathroom for each sex and the rest were coed). And this was in the 00s, just as a practicality of the dorms having been built as single-sex with one bathroom per floor, so boy do I roll my eyes when I see people raising this as a newfangled woke thing.
posted by atoxyl at 7:00 PM on March 8 [1 favorite]
And this was in the 00s
Mine were in the 1980s, but admittedly we were a fairly hippie/crunchy school.
However, I heard from an MIT graduate in the early 90s that they were doing the same thing there.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:28 PM on March 8
Mine were in the 1980s, but admittedly we were a fairly hippie/crunchy school.
However, I heard from an MIT graduate in the early 90s that they were doing the same thing there.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:28 PM on March 8
THUMB-PUNCH YERSELF RIGHT IN THE TAINT
Oh, that's your solution to everything.
posted by PlusDistance at 7:59 PM on March 8 [8 favorites]
Oh, that's your solution to everything.
posted by PlusDistance at 7:59 PM on March 8 [8 favorites]
Not all men can sit to pee. Depending on the size of the appendage, their weight, their body shape, the size and shape of the toilet... Lots of factors can make it a nonstarter even if they wanted to.
posted by tubedogg at 9:02 PM on March 8 [2 favorites]
posted by tubedogg at 9:02 PM on March 8 [2 favorites]
Eponysterical!
posted by Windopaene at 9:07 PM on March 8 [6 favorites]
posted by Windopaene at 9:07 PM on March 8 [6 favorites]
Esther Wang is so funny, so are the rest of them, and everyone in New York should subscribe to Hellgate
posted by wowenthusiast at 10:02 PM on March 8
posted by wowenthusiast at 10:02 PM on March 8
If amyone as a vulva-owner-and-operator would like to try out some of the challenge and novelty of standing to pee, may I suggest getting the lid from a quart container of yogurt or sour cream, cutting off the edge, and folding it like a taco to make a little funnel? With some practice you may find you can even write your name in the snow.
There are many devices on the market that purport to give the same experience, but I have found that none of them are better than the free-with-purchase-of-yogurt option.
posted by blnkfrnk at 11:49 PM on March 8 [2 favorites]
There are many devices on the market that purport to give the same experience, but I have found that none of them are better than the free-with-purchase-of-yogurt option.
posted by blnkfrnk at 11:49 PM on March 8 [2 favorites]
It's just, you don't simply sit down, relax everything, and the pee trickles out all by itself. It's more like have to kind of relax everything and also bear down somehow, just a bit, to start the flow. That's how it's always been for me anyway, and now you've got me kind of worried I pee wrong.
It's my understanding that no, you should not actually have to bear down to pee. If this is necessary to start urinating, you may have pelvic floor issues. Source: research after an enlightening dinner conservation in which I learned that I was, in fact, Peeing Wrong. Or rather, I am incapable of Peeing Right due to an extremely tight pelvic floor.
Contrary to popular perception, pelvic tension can afflict both AFAB and AMAB people. If you suspect you have a pelvic issue going on, I might recommend seeing a doctor. (I say, as if I have seen a doctor about this. But in theory: if you might need pelvic floor therapy, then yes, you should pursue it.)
If you prefer an amateur approach, independent pelvic floor exercises may be helpful. I did these to resolve an issue with horrible pain that had begun to accompany arousal and/or orgasm. I'm sure if I did them more resolutely, they might help me Pee Right, too.
posted by desert outpost at 2:52 AM on March 9 [4 favorites]
It's my understanding that no, you should not actually have to bear down to pee. If this is necessary to start urinating, you may have pelvic floor issues. Source: research after an enlightening dinner conservation in which I learned that I was, in fact, Peeing Wrong. Or rather, I am incapable of Peeing Right due to an extremely tight pelvic floor.
Contrary to popular perception, pelvic tension can afflict both AFAB and AMAB people. If you suspect you have a pelvic issue going on, I might recommend seeing a doctor. (I say, as if I have seen a doctor about this. But in theory: if you might need pelvic floor therapy, then yes, you should pursue it.)
If you prefer an amateur approach, independent pelvic floor exercises may be helpful. I did these to resolve an issue with horrible pain that had begun to accompany arousal and/or orgasm. I'm sure if I did them more resolutely, they might help me Pee Right, too.
posted by desert outpost at 2:52 AM on March 9 [4 favorites]
Re: showering, I was just thinking about how I don't even think there was a functioning shower in the gym at my high school. Or if there was, nobody used it after gym class. I was Very Stinky on gym days. We also had short (42 minute) periods, so I'm not clear on how we'd even have time to shower. Anyhow, I'm glad that it wasn't a thing, because while I'm not generally uncomfortable around nudity, I was (and am) uncomfortable about being nude among unkind people, which gym class always had in abundance.
posted by grumpybear69 at 9:15 AM on March 9 [3 favorites]
posted by grumpybear69 at 9:15 AM on March 9 [3 favorites]
Once, at a MN Twins home game in the 90s, I told my wife about the infamous troughs in the Metrodome men's rooms. It took her the rest of the game to recover. Those troughs truly were nasty.
A publishing company I worked at employed people with intellectual disabilities for certain jobs. One was a gentle giant of a man who moved giant racks of books from the libraries to various spots in the cubicle farm. It was always a bit of a shock to see him in the men's room because he never advanced beyond the childhood habit of pushing pants and underwear all the way to the floor when standing at the urinal. He stood 6'6".
posted by Ber at 9:30 AM on March 9 [2 favorites]
A publishing company I worked at employed people with intellectual disabilities for certain jobs. One was a gentle giant of a man who moved giant racks of books from the libraries to various spots in the cubicle farm. It was always a bit of a shock to see him in the men's room because he never advanced beyond the childhood habit of pushing pants and underwear all the way to the floor when standing at the urinal. He stood 6'6".
posted by Ber at 9:30 AM on March 9 [2 favorites]
I had to do the group shower thing all through elementary school and part of middle school. We didn't shower after gym in elementary school, but we did shower before and after swimming, for which we hiked over to the high school to use their pool twice a week. The showers were on vertical poles, with three shower heads facing outwards 120 degrees apart on each pole.
So you could either face the guys at your own pole, or you could turn around and face the guys at the next pole, but either way you were facing people. There was no privacy option. That didn't bother me at all at that age, but that sometimes the water was cold sure did. In the winter a cold shower right before hiking back to the elementary school was really chilling, especially when it was cold enough that your hair would freeze on the walk.
The showers in middle school were along a wall, so I guess someone could have gotten a tiny bit of privacy by exclusively facing the wall, but I don't remember anyone doing that.
As a point of contrast, when my father was in school, gym class was segregated by gender and on swimming days they all swam nude.
posted by Dip Flash at 9:35 AM on March 9 [3 favorites]
So you could either face the guys at your own pole, or you could turn around and face the guys at the next pole, but either way you were facing people. There was no privacy option. That didn't bother me at all at that age, but that sometimes the water was cold sure did. In the winter a cold shower right before hiking back to the elementary school was really chilling, especially when it was cold enough that your hair would freeze on the walk.
The showers in middle school were along a wall, so I guess someone could have gotten a tiny bit of privacy by exclusively facing the wall, but I don't remember anyone doing that.
As a point of contrast, when my father was in school, gym class was segregated by gender and on swimming days they all swam nude.
posted by Dip Flash at 9:35 AM on March 9 [3 favorites]
don’t bet on your penis against someone’s vulva in a distance competition
my mom would compete with the lads, she was quite young, I guess they peed from the top of a stairway around back of the school. she caught some royal hell when her parents found out. pre-school she stripped down a few times and stopped traffic. miss you, mom
I'll never forget the time we peed out the second floor window to avoid the multiple trips to the single main floor bathroom, we'd stolen a few home-made beers and got tipsy and my friend's dad was on to us. try peeing out the window in a high Nova Scotian wind at night, see where that gets you
posted by elkevelvet at 9:40 AM on March 9 [7 favorites]
my mom would compete with the lads, she was quite young, I guess they peed from the top of a stairway around back of the school. she caught some royal hell when her parents found out. pre-school she stripped down a few times and stopped traffic. miss you, mom
I'll never forget the time we peed out the second floor window to avoid the multiple trips to the single main floor bathroom, we'd stolen a few home-made beers and got tipsy and my friend's dad was on to us. try peeing out the window in a high Nova Scotian wind at night, see where that gets you
posted by elkevelvet at 9:40 AM on March 9 [7 favorites]
I am a trans woman who has not bothered with The Surgery and every time I pee while standing up I cannot help but think "DICKGIRL POWERS ACTIVATE" to myself. It's so much faster than getting my bits past pants and undies like a cis guy, and insanely faster than finding a place to hang my bag/coat/etc in the confines of the toilet stall, worrying about the cleanliness of the seat, arranging my clothes to put my butt on the seat. I just lift my skirt, push my panties down, and aim; when I'm done I just shake it off, pull up the panties, and let the skirt drop.
On occasions where the restrooms are labeled "all-gender" I absolutely delight in doing this in front of a urinal in a room that was formerly For Men. I don't say "DICKGIRL POWERS ACTIVATE!" out loud when I do this; maybe I should.
posted by egypturnash at 9:40 AM on March 9 [26 favorites]
On occasions where the restrooms are labeled "all-gender" I absolutely delight in doing this in front of a urinal in a room that was formerly For Men. I don't say "DICKGIRL POWERS ACTIVATE!" out loud when I do this; maybe I should.
posted by egypturnash at 9:40 AM on March 9 [26 favorites]
Once, at a MN Twins home game in the 90s, I told my wife about the infamous troughs in the Metrodome men's rooms. It took her the rest of the game to recover. Those troughs truly were nasty.
The Oakland Coliseum still has troughs, but they're actually fairly stylish, as far as piss troughs go. You can even get a pin or T shirt from Last Dive Bar.
posted by oneirodynia at 11:55 AM on March 9 [2 favorites]
The Oakland Coliseum still has troughs, but they're actually fairly stylish, as far as piss troughs go. You can even get a pin or T shirt from Last Dive Bar.
posted by oneirodynia at 11:55 AM on March 9 [2 favorites]
My cis girlfriend just used a pStyle for the first time and was EXTREMELY THRILLED with the results. It was quite a while before she stopped regaling me about the merits of being able to pee horizontally, something I took for granted until last week.
posted by eraserbones at 12:56 PM on March 9 [4 favorites]
posted by eraserbones at 12:56 PM on March 9 [4 favorites]
Braggart 1, pissing off a pier: Water's cold.
Braggart 2, ditto: And deep.
posted by seanmpuckett at 12:59 PM on March 9 [4 favorites]
Braggart 2, ditto: And deep.
posted by seanmpuckett at 12:59 PM on March 9 [4 favorites]
pee horizontally
You shouldn't take that lying down.
posted by mittens at 1:07 PM on March 9 [1 favorite]
You shouldn't take that lying down.
posted by mittens at 1:07 PM on March 9 [1 favorite]
How have we gotten this far without linking the classic video of the unfortunate inebriated fellow mistaking the urinal trough for the hand-washing trough? "This isn't a urinal, is it?"
posted by Dip Flash at 1:20 PM on March 9 [1 favorite]
posted by Dip Flash at 1:20 PM on March 9 [1 favorite]
Braggart 1, pissing off a pier: Water's cold.
Braggart 2, ditto: And deep.
I b'lieve one of'em's from Arkansas. Mmmmh.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:47 PM on March 9 [1 favorite]
Braggart 2, ditto: And deep.
I b'lieve one of'em's from Arkansas. Mmmmh.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:47 PM on March 9 [1 favorite]
Be sure to take precautions when peeing into the Amsterdam canals. Every year, on average, fifteen people die while trying to urinate from the kademuur, so have a buddy hold your belt or tie a leash to something just in case.
(Also wildeplassen is now a €140 fine, so use the plaskrullen)
posted by autopilot at 2:05 PM on March 9 [2 favorites]
(Also wildeplassen is now a €140 fine, so use the plaskrullen)
posted by autopilot at 2:05 PM on March 9 [2 favorites]
Standing also keeps you out of the cold toilet water.
Oh man. We once arrived after midnight at a campground in Eagle Pass, Idaho and when I went to sit on the campground toilet I dipped my testicles into 40°F water. Inside I’m still screaming.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:48 PM on March 9 [1 favorite]
Oh man. We once arrived after midnight at a campground in Eagle Pass, Idaho and when I went to sit on the campground toilet I dipped my testicles into 40°F water. Inside I’m still screaming.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:48 PM on March 9 [1 favorite]
Standing also keeps you out of the cold toilet water.
Not from Arkansas, are you?
posted by Don Pepino at 4:50 PM on March 9 [1 favorite]
Not from Arkansas, are you?
posted by Don Pepino at 4:50 PM on March 9 [1 favorite]
Yes, yes, it's ever so convenient and life is soooo much better with Little Teapot Privilege 🙄
About a month ago I was walking my dog down a suburban street named after the country club that it borders. I veered a few feet onto one of the less well-lit front lawns (this was in the evening), and squatted to fuss with my dog's harness for a little bit. Once I'd straightened that out and given him a few pets, we kept walking at a much less hurried pace than before.
I will not be taking any questions at this time.
posted by tigrrrlily at 9:30 PM on March 9 [9 favorites]
About a month ago I was walking my dog down a suburban street named after the country club that it borders. I veered a few feet onto one of the less well-lit front lawns (this was in the evening), and squatted to fuss with my dog's harness for a little bit. Once I'd straightened that out and given him a few pets, we kept walking at a much less hurried pace than before.
I will not be taking any questions at this time.
posted by tigrrrlily at 9:30 PM on March 9 [9 favorites]
It is pretty solid to be able to pee anywhere at night, or even in the day if you can block some sight-lines...
posted by Windopaene at 9:44 PM on March 9 [1 favorite]
posted by Windopaene at 9:44 PM on March 9 [1 favorite]
no one's going to talk about shrinkage? I walk home from work most days and coming in from the cold with a full bladder is a VERY tenuous experience, especially if your brain is doing that thing where it says "okay we're home all systems GO" but the star of the show is so pulled in as to be practically inverted.
posted by hearthpig at 11:01 AM on March 10
posted by hearthpig at 11:01 AM on March 10
OH OH OH! Can we like totally derail this thread about long-urethra people to talk about short-urethra-people peeing problems? Like, what's up with porta-potties? To fatally undermine my previous point, I will be out on a bike ride, increasingly distracted by my bladder, but with my bits all smooshed into the foam pad of my bike shorts, and ... and then I come to a porta-potty. Which I'm meant to use? But which at this point is basically an insult, as the seat tends to be high enough and gross enough that in my current smooshed configuration there is no way I'd avoid drenching my legs in my own pee to the point where it's in my shoes if I tried to use it. Oh, and where are my bike shorts supposed to go? They can't be around my knees, as the seat doesn't have enough front clearance to avoid the part of the pad that goes over my bits touching the dirtiest part of the plastic. Around my ankles? On that floor??? Whereas the bushes next to the porta-potty? Where I can squat on my heels? No issue whatsoever, other than the danger of arrest and/or of becoming a Main Character.
...
OK so I need to get myself one of those urinary devices. So I can peeah like a mayun, I guess. And... put it next to my phone in my jersey pock...et... 🫤
hearthpig, sounds to me like you have the ability to temporarily turn into one of us short-urethra people. Welcome!
posted by tigrrrlily at 12:20 PM on March 10 [1 favorite]
...
OK so I need to get myself one of those urinary devices. So I can peeah like a mayun, I guess. And... put it next to my phone in my jersey pock...et... 🫤
hearthpig, sounds to me like you have the ability to temporarily turn into one of us short-urethra people. Welcome!
posted by tigrrrlily at 12:20 PM on March 10 [1 favorite]
no one's going to talk about shrinkage?
I haven't lived in a properly cold climate in years, but when I lived in Colorado, spending any amount of time outside from about November to February pretty much guaranteed some shrinkage. I remember coming back in on one especially well-below-freezing day after two or three hours, and going to the bathroom took some...doing. It was like a refrigerated button mushroom down there.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:07 PM on March 10 [3 favorites]
I haven't lived in a properly cold climate in years, but when I lived in Colorado, spending any amount of time outside from about November to February pretty much guaranteed some shrinkage. I remember coming back in on one especially well-below-freezing day after two or three hours, and going to the bathroom took some...doing. It was like a refrigerated button mushroom down there.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:07 PM on March 10 [3 favorites]
For another potential derail: someone upthread said that the penis and clitoris don’t start (externally) in the same place. I rather thought they did and had confirmed this by observation, unless I was being overly influenced by prior
assumptions. Urethra on the other hand, pretty far away; maybe that’s what the poster meant.
posted by lokta at 1:37 PM on March 10
assumptions. Urethra on the other hand, pretty far away; maybe that’s what the poster meant.
posted by lokta at 1:37 PM on March 10
Just how many dinner rolls would fit up there, anyway?
[ continuing habit of ruining penis jokes ]
posted by seanmpuckett at 1:40 PM on March 10 [1 favorite]
[ continuing habit of ruining penis jokes ]
posted by seanmpuckett at 1:40 PM on March 10 [1 favorite]
Wait, WTF are you cis dudes doing to get pee on yourself? I've been a penis haver for 49 years now and I can confidently say that since my toilet training days I have never peed on myself when using a urinal.
As for peeing while sitting down, I'm sure it's psychosomatic but I never feel fully empty when I pee sitting down. I've got nothing macho against it.
As for the weird thingie in the front of briefs, last I heard the internet consensus was that it allowed for some package expansion in the briefs and helped avoid larger balls and penises from getting too tightly scrunched. I have never used it for peeing, and I'm doubtful most men could just on the basis that your penis would be in a zigzag shape if you tried.
posted by sotonohito at 2:35 PM on March 10 [1 favorite]
As for peeing while sitting down, I'm sure it's psychosomatic but I never feel fully empty when I pee sitting down. I've got nothing macho against it.
As for the weird thingie in the front of briefs, last I heard the internet consensus was that it allowed for some package expansion in the briefs and helped avoid larger balls and penises from getting too tightly scrunched. I have never used it for peeing, and I'm doubtful most men could just on the basis that your penis would be in a zigzag shape if you tried.
posted by sotonohito at 2:35 PM on March 10 [1 favorite]
I have never peed on myself when using a urinal.
Congratulations, I guess?
posted by grubi at 6:16 AM on March 11 [4 favorites]
Congratulations, I guess?
posted by grubi at 6:16 AM on March 11 [4 favorites]
MetaFilter: It was like a refrigerated button mushroom down there.
posted by elkevelvet at 11:34 AM on March 11 [2 favorites]
posted by elkevelvet at 11:34 AM on March 11 [2 favorites]
"I sit down to pee ... when I have to." - Peggy Hill
posted by neuron at 5:17 PM on March 11 [1 favorite]
posted by neuron at 5:17 PM on March 11 [1 favorite]
Mod note: Hopefully there is no confusion about how this post was added to the Sidebar and Best of Blog!
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 8:44 AM on March 14
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 8:44 AM on March 14
Standing also keeps you out of the cold toilet water.
"When I sit down on the toilet to do my dirty business, my gonads hangle in the water!" - Chris Pratt, from a PARKS AND REC outtake
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:42 AM on March 14 [1 favorite]
"When I sit down on the toilet to do my dirty business, my gonads hangle in the water!" - Chris Pratt, from a PARKS AND REC outtake
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:42 AM on March 14 [1 favorite]
In drought-stricken California, I do enjoy the waterless urinals at my work. Also available at Seattle's Climate Pledge hockey arena.
Not sure if the work units have the SloanTec glaze, but they do have the delightful seashell graphic on the vertical portion. For something to aim at to reduce splashback.
posted by JDC8 at 8:03 PM on March 15 [1 favorite]
Not sure if the work units have the SloanTec glaze, but they do have the delightful seashell graphic on the vertical portion. For something to aim at to reduce splashback.
posted by JDC8 at 8:03 PM on March 15 [1 favorite]
I'm just now reminded of one of Rich Hall's Sniglets:
P-spot - n. The area directly above the urinal in public restrooms that men stare at, knowing a glance in any other direction would arouse suspicion.
posted by MtDewd at 4:08 PM on March 18 [2 favorites]
P-spot - n. The area directly above the urinal in public restrooms that men stare at, knowing a glance in any other direction would arouse suspicion.
posted by MtDewd at 4:08 PM on March 18 [2 favorites]
The sheer amount of hilarity in this thread is the splashback of joy to the urinal of the TFA content.
I for one still think the Urinal and Toilet designs are missing a "magic curve", some degree of curvature that captures the stream and prevents all splashback. This sounds terrible, but I have ruminated on the magic curve more than once in my life, because of... uh... reasons.
posted by discardme at 7:37 AM on March 19 [1 favorite]
I for one still think the Urinal and Toilet designs are missing a "magic curve", some degree of curvature that captures the stream and prevents all splashback. This sounds terrible, but I have ruminated on the magic curve more than once in my life, because of... uh... reasons.
posted by discardme at 7:37 AM on March 19 [1 favorite]
The physics is easier going in the other direction--a parabolically-curved urinal that always splashes you in exactly the same spot, no matter where you aim.
posted by mittens at 10:55 AM on March 19
posted by mittens at 10:55 AM on March 19
havenet, I can't rememer where it was, but I went to a sporting event where the facility wasn't a trough where users were at least beside each other; it was the inverse of a fountain; a circle around which all the urinating folk stood and peed inwards, facing each other.
I once visited a super-exclusive nightclub in Melbourne where the urinals had a similar arrangement - the entire toilet was black including walls, floor, ceiling and the urinals themselves. They were arranged in a circle, facing inward and the only lighting in the room was a carefully placed and aimed narrow beam spotlight above each urinal. An interesting experience that challenged all the laws of urinals aimed at avoiding seeing any portion of another man's genitals or making eye contact when said genitals are exposed to even the slightest degree.
I don't know how anyone with a penis manages to urinate sitting down without significant unwanted contact with the inside of a toilet bowl.
posted by dg at 7:25 PM on March 19
I once visited a super-exclusive nightclub in Melbourne where the urinals had a similar arrangement - the entire toilet was black including walls, floor, ceiling and the urinals themselves. They were arranged in a circle, facing inward and the only lighting in the room was a carefully placed and aimed narrow beam spotlight above each urinal. An interesting experience that challenged all the laws of urinals aimed at avoiding seeing any portion of another man's genitals or making eye contact when said genitals are exposed to even the slightest degree.
I don't know how anyone with a penis manages to urinate sitting down without significant unwanted contact with the inside of a toilet bowl.
posted by dg at 7:25 PM on March 19
In other countries the water level is substantially lower, and the bowl shape is different.
I am reminded of the two competitive men pissing off a bridge into the river. Says one: "that water's cold." "Aye, and deep."
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 1:47 AM on March 20 [1 favorite]
I am reminded of the two competitive men pissing off a bridge into the river. Says one: "that water's cold." "Aye, and deep."
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 1:47 AM on March 20 [1 favorite]
it's a lot more work to get your trousers back up and re-situated if you're starting from ankles instead of knees
Also, if you're standing at a urinal and bend all the way down to reach the pants you've dropped around your ankles... like, where is your face going?
Braggart 1, pissing off a pier: Water's cold.
Braggart 2, ditto: And deep.
Braggart 3: Bottom's really sandy, too.
I've been a sit-to-pee guy for as long as I can remember. I also have an *exceptionally* shy bladder (to the point that people talking outside a port-a-potty[1] that I'm in is enough to stop up the whole process), so 'closed stall door' and 'AirPods in noise-cancelling mode' is almost the only way for me to pee anywhere that isn't my bathroom at home.
[1] port-a-potties are the only place I'll use the urinal because I am NOT sitting over or looking into that gaping hell-hole
posted by hanov3r at 1:26 PM on March 20
Also, if you're standing at a urinal and bend all the way down to reach the pants you've dropped around your ankles... like, where is your face going?
Braggart 1, pissing off a pier: Water's cold.
Braggart 2, ditto: And deep.
Braggart 3: Bottom's really sandy, too.
I've been a sit-to-pee guy for as long as I can remember. I also have an *exceptionally* shy bladder (to the point that people talking outside a port-a-potty[1] that I'm in is enough to stop up the whole process), so 'closed stall door' and 'AirPods in noise-cancelling mode' is almost the only way for me to pee anywhere that isn't my bathroom at home.
[1] port-a-potties are the only place I'll use the urinal because I am NOT sitting over or looking into that gaping hell-hole
posted by hanov3r at 1:26 PM on March 20
I don't know how anyone with a penis manages to urinate sitting down without significant unwanted contact with the inside of a toilet bowl.
I can't speak for other penis-havers, but I kind of tuck it down and hold it there, aiming it straight downward with my hand. I have bonked the bowl on occasion (and it is indeed very very yucky) but IIRC it was only when I had a semi-erection. Peeing with any sort of erection is annoying if not impossible, but sometimes you really need to pee at the same time your penis has made up its mind to have a stiffy, and you've just gotta deal with it.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 1:39 PM on March 20 [2 favorites]
I can't speak for other penis-havers, but I kind of tuck it down and hold it there, aiming it straight downward with my hand. I have bonked the bowl on occasion (and it is indeed very very yucky) but IIRC it was only when I had a semi-erection. Peeing with any sort of erection is annoying if not impossible, but sometimes you really need to pee at the same time your penis has made up its mind to have a stiffy, and you've just gotta deal with it.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 1:39 PM on March 20 [2 favorites]
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posted by drewbage1847 at 9:58 AM on March 8 [1 favorite]