If anyone scores under 50 on this,
January 18, 2001 2:13 PM   Subscribe

If anyone scores under 50 on this, I wanna have a long talk with you. I need some education. (Damn. I scored 93. I never get to have any fun. Via CrackerJap.)
posted by Steven Den Beste (24 comments total)
Hehe, I scored a 97. And I cheated on one or two, so I think I should be a 99. I'm purer than you are :P
posted by swank6 at 2:17 PM on January 18, 2001

82%, but this test didn't deal with any non-combustible explosive devices like baking soda and dry ice bombs.
posted by th3ph17 at 2:23 PM on January 18, 2001

Bah! Non-combustible devices your no fun! :)
I'm proud to be 62% pure in the pyro domain with a 39% Uniqueness Factor.
posted by bytecode at 2:33 PM on January 18, 2001

Yeah, I much prefer to light things on fire than to blow them up, although I enjoy both, but that was not accounted for on this test at all.

Good questions would include:
1) Have you ever made any friends through a common interest in fire or explosions?
2) Have you ever had to call the fire department on one of your own creations?
3) And regretted doing it?
4) to the point where you didn't call them and let it burn?
5) Do you own a can of Rave or Aquanet hairspray?
6) More than three cans?
7) More than 30 cans?
posted by donkeymon at 2:51 PM on January 18, 2001

99% pure, baby. I'm not burnin'.
posted by hijinx at 2:54 PM on January 18, 2001

Silly string looks particularly beautiful when set on fire, it is like writing with flame. 69% pure.
I have not done this, but I hear putting a large rocket engine inside a roll of toilet paper (glue it in the tube) is mighty cool, it unravels and catches on fire like you have never seen before, like making your own Northern Lights.
Were any of you able to check the box about making your own rocket engines? That stuff scares me silly? Speak up, so I can tell you how much I admire you.
posted by thirteen at 3:01 PM on January 18, 2001

I got 96% though I don't really know much about pyro stuff. I once build one of those rockets with a friend though.
posted by tiaka at 3:09 PM on January 18, 2001

62% - ... where were the sticky-burning-goo questions? Where were the "caused a vietnam flashback in a neighbor" questions? This test is obviously skewed!
posted by CrazyUncleJoe at 3:16 PM on January 18, 2001

Were any of you able to check the box about making your own rocket engines?


*wave and grin*

posted by Mars Saxman at 4:15 PM on January 18, 2001

Mars is my God damn hero!
How many fingers you got left on that hand your waving Mars?
Seriously, that is so effin butch I can barely stand it.
posted by thirteen at 4:29 PM on January 18, 2001

i wanted a "have you ever burnt off a fingernail while playing with solid fuel removed from a rocket engine" question.

*never* ignite that stuff with a match...matches are Way to short.
posted by th3ph17 at 4:31 PM on January 18, 2001

Extra question:

Does this test bring back fond memories of childhood?

My scroe: 98% pyro pure, Uniqueness: 42%

Historical data:
I played tennis with gasoline soaked tennis balls at night on the country club courts. Never needed the cannon. Also, gasoline in the sand traps is really cool. We would walk through the fire.
posted by DragonBoy at 4:32 PM on January 18, 2001

82% pure.... 30% unique.

More good questions:

'Have you ever called in a furniture company to deliver a truck load wood for your bonfire?'
'Two truck loads?'
'Have you ever set off 30 or more rocket engines at once?'
'Have you set fire to every single cleaning product in your house to see how well they burn?'
posted by krakedhalo at 5:31 PM on January 18, 2001

95% Pure.
32% Unique.

Started a small fire in the living room when I was 8. Fired into neighbor's back yard when I was 10. Have not done anything since.
posted by tamim at 7:03 PM on January 18, 2001

I call for more "alternative fuels" on that test. I've ignited both non-dairy creamer and a collection of hundreds of matchheads, but couldn't claim credit for either.
posted by jbushnell at 7:45 PM on January 18, 2001

I'm just waiting for one of our non-male compatriots to pipe up and say "What's this stupid fascination with explosives, anyway?" so I can say "It's a guy thing."
posted by Steven Den Beste at 8:38 PM on January 18, 2001

How about "Have you ever burned yourself by lighting your fart?
posted by Potsy at 10:03 PM on January 18, 2001


Man, that smarts when you burn off a fingernail. Anybody remember scraping roll caps with a penny in order to ignite them? How about biting down on a roll of caps?

You'll only do that shit once, I assure you.
posted by Optamystic at 2:24 AM on January 19, 2001

Have you ever used up an entire case of your mom's matches?
Have you ever written your name on the basement floor with model airplane fuel and ignited it?
Have you ever filled a party balloon with hydrogen from a Zn-HCl reaction and lit it? -with the teacher's permission? -and singed all the hair off one arm in the process?
Have you ever built a MIRV? -and launched it? -over a college quad of unsuspecting students?

See, the questions just weren't geared to my experience. Nothing about homemade smoke bombs from Pyrodex and sugar, nothing about "napalming" a model tank with model cement. Sheesh.
posted by plinth at 6:07 AM on January 19, 2001

There's nothing about attaching explosives of any kind to various action figures, burying them, throwing them in the air strapping them to model rockets or otherwise torturing the pseudo-men.
posted by cCranium at 6:42 AM on January 19, 2001

i guess none of the women even made it in this far, Steven.
posted by Sean Meade at 7:48 AM on January 19, 2001

cCranium's "exploding action figures" made me flash back to melting almost all of my Star Wars figures one at a time in the microwave, as part of a "genetic modification" plotline. Chewbacca burned horribly from the inside out (since his head didn't rotate, there was no joint through which the heat of his "fire in the belly" could escape). Ho ho!

I also recall microwaving ants. I offer my profound regrets to the nation.

These things aren't explosive, per se, but they may be indicative of pyromaniacal tendencies, and thus I'd argue that they belong on the "pyro test."
posted by jbushnell at 9:19 AM on January 19, 2001

melting almost all of my Star Wars figures...

A single tear just trickled down my cheek.

I mean, I was blowing up generic G.I. Joe figures, not anything good. :-)
posted by cCranium at 10:32 AM on January 19, 2001

I know, I know. To be honest, I probably regret melting the Star Wars figures more than I regret killing the ants.
posted by jbushnell at 12:39 PM on January 19, 2001

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