MetaFilter

And you weren't afraid that you would get grilled by inviting him to this thread, terrapin?
posted to MetaTalk by jacquilynne at 9:28 AM on April 10, 2019

one more thing before I bow out and stop marxing up the thread: if this sort of thing is interesting to you, you owe it to yourself to read chapters 13, 14, and 15 of Capital. Dude traces out the development of industrial capitalist production methods from simple cooperation to the employment of rigid division of labor to the invention and use of giant factory machines, and considers the impact of each shift on the power relations between labor and capital. It’s a... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 7:40 PM on April 10, 2019

When I was a kid my dad tried his hand at beekeeping and setup two hives near our house in rural Texas in our peach tree orchard. Specifically, four dumb meager trees that produced three solid-as-a-rock peaches over 7 years. I vividly remember the smell of fresh paint, wood, and wax as we built the hives and frames from scratch in our house. It turns out beekeeping is hard, or at least it was for my dad, because he would use the phrase "God damn sons of bitches!" when actively... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by colossal at 10:16 AM on April 10, 2019

This guy sounds like a terrible, selfish partner, and you sound so frustrated in your relationship that it's hard to see where you're actually compatible, or even where you were once compatible, long ago. I'd strongly urge you to consider divorce. "Subtle" improvement is great, but he isn't your child, he's an adult who isn't interested in maintaining and nourishing a meaningful, functioning relationship with you; it sounds like you've been swimming in the soup of... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by tapir-whorf at 12:27 PM on April 10, 2019

Very briefly: read Come As You Are, then Oh Joy Sex Toy, then go straight to OMGyes and buy Seasons 1 & 2.
Make a date to practice all the new stuff you're learning. Calendar that shit. Have fun!
posted to Ask MetaFilter by aw jeez at 3:34 AM on April 9, 2019

Nice to know that busting out with "the love song of J. Alfred Prufrock" is apparently a thing, I thought only my mom did that. She has a great memory. I do not. Well- I do, it's just almost totally situational. I have to remember a thing to remember a thing, and I can't remember a thing unless I'm physically somewhere where I have to remember a thing? Does that make sense? Like I can't remember my pin unless I'm at a checkout stand looking at the input screen. This is the reason for... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Homo neanderthalensis at 10:46 AM on April 6, 2019

Could not Fauxhebro have played directly to Mornington Crescent, claiming either hesitation or repetition?
posted to MetaFilter by Wolfdog at 8:32 AM on April 2, 2019

I-Write-Essays: "That guy who quit, and everyone who got upset about this, are the textbook book definition of a scrub."

I believe the textbook definition of a scrub is a guy that thinks he's fly, and is also known as a busta.
posted to MetaFilter by Chrysostom at 7:33 AM on April 2, 2019

I disagree that Wordpress needs tons of plugins to make it functional. If you are designing and developing your own themes you really don’t need any plugins and reliance on plugins is just asking for trouble. One of my big issues with theme hosts is that many intentionally obfuscate their code to make customizing anything near impossible. Seriously, using basic Wordpress code it’s possible to develope a ground-up site in a few hours and I say this as a designer, not a developer.
posted to MetaFilter by misterpatrick at 9:28 AM on April 1, 2019

As a project manager, I deal with this every day - I manage multiple projects, the stakeholders on each project absolutely don't care about the urgency of the other projects, and they all expect to come out on top when the difficult decisions are made. They can expect all they want, though, because that's not how it works.

This, at a very high level, is how I manage on a daily basis:

1. Know how much resource you have, and don't promise more... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by cilantro at 4:53 AM on April 1, 2019 marked best answer

I just realized that today is the 9th anniversary of my rape during my first field season. I stayed in the forest. I got my Master's. I went back to the forest. I got my PhD. I protected other researchers. I improved things at my field site. And at the conference I went to this week, I convened a group of people to talk about ways they can mitigate risk, keep students and collaborators safe, and manage the effects of assault and harassment when they do happen. It will make a difference. I am... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by ChuraChura at 10:47 AM on March 31, 2019

yay on the job, bookmammal !!

I have never seen any of the Back to the Future movies in their entirety.
I have never spent the night at a hospital (other than as a newborn).

I told my husband today that I am filing for divorce. I have a meeting Tuesday with a lawyer to get that going. On top of that, it was the first time that my huz and I have been face to face since we separated in November. It went as well as it possibly could... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Fig at 6:56 PM on March 30, 2019

My best friend's Mom just went through this (she's now in a memory unit and doing so much better with structure), but some of the things that were suggested were:

Alarms on the doors. I don't know about the mat you mentioned, but something that will alert companions to someone leaving is good.

Putting locks up high or down low (like a sliding lock) to stop someone from leaving. Dementia patients do a lot of things from memory, so looking up or... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by xingcat at 6:19 AM on March 27, 2019

Its sort of amazing how many Rileys are out in the work world... I have one right now at my job and just find it shocking they continue to be employed for us - totally runs counter to my organization's work culture, so destructive. Feel like there's always been one or two at every gig I've had.

But, I've also noticed that Rileys are often successful at convincing the person with the power (in our case, the CEO) that they are useful and matter. From what you've written,... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by RajahKing at 1:27 PM on March 26, 2019

i carry my mental burdens
posted to MetaFilter by the phlegmatic king at 9:03 AM on March 26, 2019

My parents got married whirlwind like this. My mom was living in Brussels; my dad was there on a business trip; they met while waiting for a really slow elevator, when my dad was like "Are you Indian?" and it turned out they were actually from the same town and knew several people in common but had never met before. Their first date was a fancy Indian restaurant; their second was poulet pizza at Pizzaland. (Still exists! Although now apparently a foodtruck not a cheap-eats restaurant.)... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by basalganglia at 6:07 AM on March 23, 2019

Hello to everyone visiting from the cancellation announcement MetaFilter thread!
posted to MetaFilter by ODiV at 10:04 AM on March 20, 2019

IN MY DAY we were too busy documenting meat left to rot in the backyard to fool around with this sort of idiocy
posted to MetaFilter by thelonius at 4:42 AM on March 20, 2019

Holy shit, there's a draggable corner?

Well my mind is fucking blown.
posted to MetaTalk by TheWhiteSkull at 1:20 PM on March 12, 2019

I'm another mefite in a high-income, high-cost area. Not a 1%-er but in the top 10%. Both my husband and I have the kind of engineering / professional jobs that make Money magazine's "Best Careers of The Year" type lists.

There, I said it. In the future, I might get called out about that in finance-related discussions, but that's kind of the point, isn't it? I have enough money to live a comfortable life where worry about money isn't always at the top of my... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by selfmedicating at 8:12 PM on March 11, 2019

it's pretty reasonable to worry that there might be bad effects from disclosing it. If you want to talk about your own personal situation and call your own fears stupid, that's fine

Yeah that was a terrible way to word it. Sorry.

Here's a restatement:

Oppressive structures can't simply be rejected by mere force of individual will, even if we are the privileged party in the structure. We all... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by MiraK at 7:59 PM on March 11, 2019

I make, on paper, a ton of money and it would 100% colour interactions people have with me here. ... And I 100% believe someone would dig it up and say something about it later on.

Not singling you out, just using this as a recent example: this is a popular sentiment on this thread. I'd really like to examine this feeling, this fear. I have it too, and this comment is me calling myself out along with others in our (fancy) (or at least sturdy) boat:... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by MiraK at 7:03 PM on March 11, 2019

MetaFilter sometimes suffers from being partly international, but not really. This shows sharply in any discussion of class. I've had the fortune to grow up in rural working class US, lived most of my adult life in the Netherlands, and now live and work in Hong Kong. Labor and class conditions are very different in the three countries and it is very hard to read people's privilege clearly without understanding who they are and where they come from.

For instance, I... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by frumiousb at 7:03 PM on March 9, 2019

The workplace is a place to exchange skills for money, even a nonprofit. Your workplace's HR department would probably discourage this kind of peer-to-peer therapy, and would not likely support bringing in a consultant to basically give you all group therapy. There is no such thing as a truly safe venue for people to air their concerns about the job, on the job.

Take whatever money you had planned to budget for this, pump it into boosting your EAP (if you have one) or... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by juniperesque at 11:08 AM on March 8, 2019

nationalize amazon, turn google over to an anarchosyndicalist collective, kill facebook.
posted to MetaFilter by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 8:47 AM on March 8, 2019

Fuck Amazon, marry Google, kill Facebook.
posted to MetaFilter by glonous keming at 8:45 AM on March 8, 2019

This dynamic can sometimes evolve between 2 people; it depends on WHY person A and B don't want to make a decision. Person B maybe be genuinely ambivalent, open to anything, and therefore prefers to figure out and do what Person A wants to do, to make them happy. WHEREAS Person A may have an opinion, even a strong opinion, but doesn't want to voice their opinion for reasons. If I'm Person B [the guy, in your scenario], I'd pick up on that after a while,... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by smokysunday at 2:27 PM on March 7, 2019

I just want you all to know that Phil loved you all very much. He was my family, and we gladly shared him with his Metafilter family. Going through his contacts tonight, to make the right calls, to the right people, was a beautiful who's who of MeFi handles mixed with MeFi real names.

We too heard his stories about Thailand, East Germany, his time on the railroad, photography... and we heard about all of you. He spoke about all of you as deep, personal friends and he was... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by headspace at 6:46 PM on March 6, 2019

He talked so fondly of everyone.

This is exactly right. I think one of the only times I did not get along with Phil was when he was trying to tell me how much he liked one of my parents (he visited my mom on his Big Road Trip with his grandson, as well as visited me) and I was like "Dude, you're an internet person, you know it's complicated." He was friends with my whole family. And they with him.

He did me a solid (along... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jessamyn at 3:51 PM on March 6, 2019

When I was a kid I swore to myself I wouldn't lie to my kids, and I've kept that promise. I swore never to say "because I say so" and I've kept that promise. There's no reason to lie to our kids. They also have occasionally gotten sick of me explaining things, but that's the tradeoff.

At the same time, the kids are not required to like the answers I give, and they're not required to agree with the reasons I have for doing things. Justifying my decisions to them... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by tclark at 9:07 AM on March 4, 2019

I don’t know if “safely” applies here, and it’s from a different time, but: The M16A1 Rifle Operation and Preventive Maintenance 1969 comic book.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Huffy Puffy at 4:14 PM on March 2, 2019

Honestly if your boyfriend stays over three nights every week I don’t think you have any standing here at all.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by goodbyewaffles at 11:03 AM on February 28, 2019

A marriage is not a room upgrade so you are right to think seriously about whether what you want is actually right for him too. The thing about ambivalence is that it can quickly sour to resentment if the person being pushed felt they had no genuine say in the matter.

It would be different if he were hemming and hawing about inconsequential stuff but the issues listed are valid concerns in any relationship and not things you should sweep under a rug. They’re not... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by freya_lamb at 1:43 AM on February 23, 2019

It sounded to me like he's upset about being doxxed and having trolls calling his workplace to harass him.

Unless he's understating things, the details he's provided sound a lot milder than stories I've heard about feminist and left wing activists being targeted. One person stalked him and lied to try and get him fired - and yes that's inexcusable. But honestly I've heard of similar stories from friends who got that treatment just for being women on... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Zalzidrax at 2:47 PM on February 22, 2019

"cough, velcro, cough"

So, because of severe osteoarthritis, I have only about 25 degrees of movement in both my hips. I haven't been able to touch my feet in about 18 years. If I could reach my feet, tying the laces would be no problem. But I can't reach my feet. For all this time, I've been wearing slip-ons. Boat shoes, mostly. I'd really like to wear some other kinds of shoes. My ears perked up when I first heard... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Ivan Fyodorovich at 3:56 AM on February 22, 2019

Here is something I wish I had known in my 20s (coming at you now, live from my 30s) - if something you do in the name of honouring your feelings causes him to back off, you haven't "pushed him away", he just isn't right for you. In other words, BE YOUR WHOLE SELF. Either he can handle it or he can't.

What this looks like is, you telling him you'd like to talk about it and watching his reaction. Either he responds openly, demonstrates that he understands and... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by greenish at 1:20 AM on February 22, 2019

I think the answers above were really great, very on point for maintaining good, platonic peer-to-peer relationships among people with different kinds of privilege. I'm concerned, and wondering why, you don't think they are good answers. I'm concerned that you believe your personal magnetism is All That. I'm concerned that you want to maintain the power dynamic of "older friend" while not having any negative repercussions of wielding it.

If you want to be a... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by seanmpuckett at 9:28 AM on February 16, 2019

The way you have good boundaries is to have good boundaries. This question reads to me like you aren't actually seeing these younger people as fully formed adults -- there's a vibe here that makes me think you probably aren't actually in a place to have full, healthy relationships with these individuals. Like, if you're on the lookout for power imbalances, are worried about optics, and are thinking of your friendships in terms of age, this is not going to work. Just treat them like full people... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by sockermom at 8:39 AM on February 16, 2019

Disgusting how swiftly the liberal establishment fell over itself to define Ilhan Omar as an anti-semite.
posted to MetaFilter by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 1:20 PM on February 11, 2019

Please don't devil's advocate, it's been confirmed by someone with as much expertise as could be expected.

It's not exactly devil's advocate, then. It's a dose of realism. You really have no recourse for a set of tyres that were on the car when you bought it, were inspected by you (or should have been) when you bought the car and have produced zero damage to the car in, at the very least, the 8-9 months of time you have had the car. They are just... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Brockles at 10:51 AM on February 6, 2019

mcdonalds fries aren't actually good. they just taste like your early childhood, before the endless possibilities started crumbling away and you realized that death and rot awaits you no matter what you do. the first time your parents took you there was before the first time you saw your dad cry, or the first time your mom let slip the fact that she resents you, possibly the most out of all her kids. you tasted your first mcdonalds french fry before you took that tree frog home in a jar and woke... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by prize bull octorok at 10:13 AM on February 5, 2019

Being alone is way better than being in a relationship that sucks. It's also a necessary precondition to finding a relationship that doesn't suck. If you leave, you might find happiness or you might not. If you stay, you definitely won't find happiness.

It's a choice between possibly happy and definitely miserable.

Accept that it's not working and move on with your life before you waste more of your precious and finite time on this misery.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 7:26 PM on February 1, 2019

I don’t know why the hatred for dodgeball. If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball. Easy peasy.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
posted to MetaFilter by Big Al 8000 at 4:59 PM on January 29, 2019

I spent a lot of time last year making this thing. The joy is that I was both able create this from my mind and follow through on the many hours it took to design and build, neither of which would have been remotely possible for younger versions of myself.
posted to MetaTalk by MillMan at 9:52 PM on January 27, 2019

1. The only consistently good thing about the internet is podcasts. The only reason I have a smartphone is podcasts.

The real question is, how do I seamlessly use podcasts without a smartphone? The one potential solution I see is The Mighty mp3s player, which will allow me to sync with spotify. That seems pretty good. (Would love to hear about other elegant work arounds.)

2. The best thing about getting off of social media is that you don't miss... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Telf at 8:25 AM on January 25, 2019

When I did consultancy for large companies, our process was very simple and always successful.

We would not develop a requirements doc until we'd interviewed stakeholders.

We did not begin development until the requirements doc had been signed off. Our requirements docs were very thorough.

We did not deliver anything that was not in the requirements doc; conversely if it was in the doc, it was in the deliverable.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by seanmpuckett at 12:21 PM on January 24, 2019

One thing that I have seen from a number of people who have come into an office from a non-traditional environment is a lot of shitting on the mundane inefficiencies and idiosyncrasies of office life. Making sure the right people are copied on emails, the complications of making a group lunch order, the "wasted" time planning and celebrating birthdays, etc. We all know it is silly and unnecessary, and we could all come up with a way of doing it better, but this is how the machine runs,... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Rock Steady at 8:33 AM on January 23, 2019

> The amount of effort he spent photoshopping being a pretend tech savvy influencer conference goer type person is much more that it takes to actually be a tech savvy influencer type person.

This is incredibly wrong.

Consider the years of hustle and grind, social skills and personal capital necessary to reach the ranks of social media tech influencer and tech conference luminary. Contrast that the trivial effort these... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by at by at 9:53 AM on January 14, 2019

Hey everybody,

First off, let me say that I acted like an asshole, and I apologize for that.

Because this has gotten relatively out of control, I want to give a little context. I was dealing with a sudden and unexpected death in my family, and on the day of the funeral, a close friend suffered a difficult pregnancy loss. I was exhausted, overemotional, and had no business being on the internet at all, let alone in a hot metatalk. What I said in... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Eyebrows McGee at 3:16 PM on January 9, 2019

Hey this is exactly what my partner (another mefite) and I do! We're Duck Brigade, a design + dev partnership. We do tons of podcasts sites including 99pi, Criminal, BackStory. Check out our podcast specific work here and our other work here and feel free to get in touch if you'd like to discuss. I hope this isn't too self-linky, but this is so exactly my work, I wanted to let you know!... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Uncle Glendinning at 8:24 AM on January 7, 2019