MetaFilter

I feel like there was a sort of clusterfucky string of bad luck with how things went up to and through jj's.mama post getting made that made the deletion feel like something more consequential than it otherwise would have, and I don't think there's any fixing that after the fact: the situation's both one of a pretty textbook bit of post moderation and by circumstances something that bummed the poster and other folks out and tied into some other site dynamic stuff besides, and it's hard... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Snarl Furillo at 12:40 PM on June 6, 2019

Comparisons are odious, apples/oranges, and no hierarchy of oppression. Recognizing those important principles, I offer a small potential case study for consideration about which posts are allowed to stand alone and which are not. There is an FPP on the front page right now that is a single link to an opinion piece in the Atlantic about the Catholic Church. Setting aside the different nature of the content and the fact that there is wide context within the piece itself - could we actually... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Miko at 10:56 AM on June 6, 2019

1. Deleting jjs.mama's second post was wrong and reactionary.
2. If her post was "too thin", the mod response was even thinner.
3. We need to make space for POC to post about topics that are outrageous/important to THEM because their lived experiences are just as important as the massive US politics threads.
4. I am really, really disappointed in how dismissive parts of this thread are to the greater issues surrounding the inclusion, safety, and... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Hermione Granger at 10:27 AM on June 6, 2019

I think it’s one issue, that this site needs new and different moderators, and a mission that needs to reflect 2019, not 2004.

This site seems to curate its content based on what is and isn’t a personal hassle for the moderators. I’m definitely not suggesting that everything should be considered FPP-worthy, but when I look at the front page and then read this discussion, the common thread I see is that actual NEWS gets shut down and frivolous content gets pushed up.... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Autumnheart at 5:20 PM on June 5, 2019

The standard MeFi behavior of "flag it and move on" is not helpful when it comes to making marginalized users feel welcome, as it is silent and doesn't allow users to give each other feedback.

I'd like to signal boost and second this sentiment.

I have seen this discussed at length in other places, chief among them Black Twitter. The idea that we should all maintain civility - a type of civility that asks people to... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by nightrecordings at 11:06 AM on June 5, 2019

iTunes is the only music software with smart playlists (as far as I know) and I'll be mad and sad if they take that away because the current crop of ux design tools don't allow for anything that "complicated" to be designed (I know bc I have to use them). Nobody even seems to know about smart playlists it seems like from how popular it is to rag on iTunes. They're going to say oh nobody uses this and it's too hard to understand and it's not a linear click through flow so I don't know... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by bleep at 8:20 AM on June 3, 2019

In the "surplus men" theory, there aren't surplus women, not because there aren't women without partners, but because women who are unpartnered typically still exist in close-knit family and community structures, whereas men are "domesticated" to civil society when they get married (and there's plenty of evidence of this, like car insurance rates for young men dropping precipitously once they get married, because they have so many fewer accidents once... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Eyebrows McGee at 11:49 AM on May 29, 2019

The best thing about romance is the the weird, non-visual, inexplicable stuff that generally gets filed under "chemistry." For me, this can manifest when a guy sustains eye contact when I'm talking to him or says my name in a certain way or asks an interesting question and remembers the answer or shows me how do do something random/useful/empowering or laughs in a certain way or says something honest and kind and also kind of funny or I don't know, comes in from outside on a cold day... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by thivaia at 10:36 AM on May 29, 2019

Well, as with nearly all problems, I think a solution is actually more humanities education. If these guys had more appreciation for art, maybe their ideas about beauty would be more sophisticated. If they had more knowledge of poetry, maybe they would have more of a belief in love and depth of feeling. If they had read more novels, maybe their empathy and sense of perspective would be more developed. If they'd learned about music and dance more intimately, maybe they'd have more faith in the... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by rue72 at 8:50 AM on May 29, 2019

I've been thinking lately about how the only thing really holding me back at work is my inability to act. Half of everyone's job is being an actor and doing a performance. A typical actor on stage is up there pretending to feel sad and saying the things this imaginary sad person would say. At work at your job you're pretending to like this software and you have to say the things that a person who likes the software would say. I have to remind myself of this all the time. I'm pretending to care... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by bleep at 7:26 PM on May 23, 2019

Other than some T-shirts I bought at a thrift store in high school that I still use for pajamas (and man, are they comfortable if not flattering), I can't really think of anything.

Things are going really, really well for me right now and I am enjoying the heck out of it. I officially got voted in to the Board of Trustees for my church (UU) today, and am really excited to serve. Normally I go to the Sunday services and skedaddle right on out of there because I... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Fig at 7:28 PM on May 19, 2019

Because they are assuming that someone who did their emotional labor for them in their past will do it for them again at the drop of a hat. It’s a guy/girl trained behavior that even people with alternative relationship styles can’t always escape.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by matildaben at 10:00 PM on May 19, 2019

I still have the teddy bear that was pictured next to me in my one day old baby photos. I saved it and took pictures of my own son at one day old with the same bear next to him. He's ten now and is still snuggled with it in bed right now. The really funny thing is that my aunt was over a few years ago and saw it and said "Oh my god, you're the one that ended up with my old teddy bear! You know, that was given to me right when I was born..."

And since you asked... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Slarty Bartfast at 10:53 PM on May 18, 2019

MeFi has always disproportionately to me seemed heavy on the “We held our wedding in my grandmother’s basement. Each guest received one banana for lunch and we passed around a jug of milk. It was the greatest day of our lives” types so you’re going to mostly get advice in that vein. Where I live $10K would be such a vanishingly small amount towards a down payment that I wouldn’t really compare the two, but obviously that isn’t the case everywhere. If you think that paying a lot of money for a... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by cakelite at 7:00 PM on May 18, 2019

To use all that time, ingenuity and likely more than a megawatt hour of energy to develop this solution to a retro game is peak kidult. The planet's fucked but we've got a perfect score at Arkanoid. Good job.
posted to MetaFilter by scruss at 4:27 AM on May 18, 2019

My only hope in life is to live long enough for society to realize that "generation whatever" is just horse shit ginned up to sell books.

this is, by several orders of magnitude, the most Gen X comment in this thread
posted to MetaFilter by prize bull octorok at 1:21 PM on May 14, 2019

I always recommend Penelope Fitzgerald to read.

The other thing I try to do as much as I can around here is talking about the explicit process I went through to get less chronically mentally ill. One of the least helpful things when I was suffering in the hole was the idea that the process of getting out is somehow ineffable. The model I heard so many times was: things are bad -> *handwavey leap of faith type stuff, find the right treatment magically, dunno what it... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by terretu at 7:05 AM on May 3, 2019

I have a new boyfriend! He's a gem. We have both officially told each other "I love you" in less than 2 weeks after meeting, which is bananas and unexpected and terrifying, but also just incredibly amazing.
I've never been this gaga over anyone, and he feels the same way. (#FigsWeeklyLoveLifeUpdate)

He is very big into tabletop gaming (to the extent of working at GenCon every year), and this past Tuesday took me to a game night that his friends... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Fig at 1:25 PM on May 11, 2019

Generally speaking:

1. "Let people enjoy things" means if someone says they liked something, don't go out of your way to be an asshole to them about it if you did not like that same thing.

2. Conversely, if someone says they didn't enjoy something, don't go out of your way to be an asshole to them about it if you liked that same thing.

3. Most people who like/don't like something are not... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by jscalzi at 3:08 PM on May 11, 2019

But. What if you don't care about it? Or not to the same degree as your spouse?

I don't know, don't do it? Keep that up and see how it goes? Why are you even asking the question?

This has been a big thing in my relationship.

Oh, okay. I see why you're asking the question.

I don't see what she sees.

Yeah, you... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Don Pepino at 2:51 PM on May 7, 2019

This has been a big thing in my relationship. I don't see what she sees. I'm ok with the cleanliness level, she is not. And, she won't actually ask me to do certain things.

I'm trying. Try to do the dishes, the vacuuming, the laundry. But, I often don't see the situation as "critical", and don't do it right then. This leads to issues.

It seems that you *do* see the things she sees, you just choose not to interpret... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by jacquilynne at 2:46 PM on May 7, 2019

I feel like it might be noteworthy, for folks who wonder some variation on "why women put up with this" and suggesting that "men can/should do better" that a significant number of the men in the comments on this article were hurt and/or hostile when it was suggested that they try to do more of their own emotional labor rather than relying entirely or almost entirely on women to be their emotional supports. The hostility in those responses may provide some insight about why... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Kpele at 11:38 AM on May 7, 2019

The trigger - the false accusations aggravated by the authorities' overreach - is heartbreaking.

Hmmm, I don't know about that. I found it interesting that during the whole piece she never questioned once whether her son actually did harass that girl. As a parent, I think it's laudable to always be in your kids' corner and defending them. As someone who worked as a childcarer for many years, however, I know that children come up with some buck wild... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by smoke at 4:16 AM on May 7, 2019

I don't know what she actually wants, other than attention.

I have to tell you, when I find myself being irritated at a woman for "attention-seeking," I consciously step back and check my work. The misogynist connotations are too strong.

I am not a fan of the genre of mommyblogging period (give a side-eye to any woman who calls herself "mommy" to anyone but her own kids, and I suppose anyone who's... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by praemunire at 8:37 PM on May 3, 2019

I think about Iron Man, 2008, that almost-opening scene just when Tony's been kidnapped, when he's still just some smug rich asshole being waterboarded, and right before he loses consciousness underwater, you can very faintly hear Pepper's voice saying Tony because he loved her even then.

He never stops being that smug rich asshole and he never stops loving her and he never stops being himself even when himself becomes more.... [more]
posted to FanFare by nicebookrack at 9:24 PM on April 25, 2019

“Fraternity” sounds like a euphemism for gang, used only when the members are on a track into the ruling class and thus entitled to deference.
posted to MetaFilter by acb at 8:43 AM on May 2, 2019

"Anxiety medications work a lot better than trying to force yourself to deal with your unreasonable mind telling you that you have to change the entire world because you are uncomfortable. Yes most people are afraid to take them at first, this is normal."
"Sleep medications work a lot better than trying to convince yourself you just have to TRY HARDER to sleep when you've already tried everything and are in some must-sleep situation (but do get an apnea test)... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by jessamyn at 6:39 PM on May 1, 2019

I think my main gotos are:

• Get a Mazda3 hatchback [I'm resisting the urge to fight anyone who suggests another vehicle in this space]


• Listen to Ravel if you like piano music, or orchestration, or beauty


• Don't call the police on your neighbors

posted to MetaTalk by invitapriore at 6:23 PM on May 1, 2019

Cats need more patience and empathy than you think they do. Making them feel safe might be harder than you think because they are small and we are not. Dogs remember trauma and it takes them a very long time to process it.

Always have frozen peas in the freezer. Try roasted barley tea. Collard greens are amazing. It is extremely worth it to learn how to cook for yourself to your taste.

Wear jewel tones. Textures make a big difference in the... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Mizu at 3:30 PM on May 1, 2019

One of the things that I find helpful to remind myself, in a lot of contexts, is that generally speaking, people who have [normative experience] don't spend a huge amount of time thinking about it.

If you're 100% straight, you probably don't sit around thinking about how great queer people are and how much you wish you could be part of their communities. If you're neurotypical, you probably don't read posts by neurodivergent people and sigh in a mixture of 'omg it me!'... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by mishafletch at 12:15 AM on May 2, 2019

I came out as genderqueer last year at 34 and could have written the first several paragraphs of this. A big difference is that I actually went ahead and had a kid (I like kids!) and--what do you know?--it was actually in part the gendered dynamics of parenthood that pushed me over the edge. In part because I had a child assigned female at birth and I was convinced that I wouldn't be able to teach them how to be a "real" girl correctly. So I learned to perform... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by PhoBWanKenobi at 9:33 PM on May 1, 2019

If it were me, I would interview, see if you get an offer, and then bring up the issue and see if anyone in the benefits department at the employer can figure out a fix. One possible solution is just a higher salary, if you can figure out how much more you’d need to make you whole.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by LizardBreath at 5:17 AM on May 2, 2019

i used lightstream for 2 car loans, and recommended them to friends who used them for 2 boat loans, and a solar roof loan. it's easy, good interest rates, and the money is in your account same day if you finish by i think 2pm? they are the click-and-go loan arm of suntrust (so they have a reputable bank behind them). ally is also awesome.

your debt to income ratio is already factored into your credit score so you are pretty well set there and can expect to get favorable... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by chasles at 7:47 AM on May 1, 2019

That was really well written, and bleak.
posted to MetaFilter by Slarty Bartfast at 8:11 AM on April 27, 2019

The last ice cream recipe you'll ever need: NYT ice cream base recipe (but I think 1/8 tspn is too much salt and leads to melty ice cream, I go with a little pinch instead)

I find it does save money: in a 2-3-pint batch I spend about $2 on the cream, $1 on the eggs (+free whites to save for meringues and angel food!), and some spare change on the milk and sugar. Depending on the flavorings (ie not vanilla bean) it ends up costing half as much as a premium ice cream and... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by ilikemefi at 7:45 PM on April 25, 2019

A day or two after the Ethiopian crash, I was taking a cab after a celebratory dinner here in Washington DC and this topic came up in conversation with the cab driver. We had a friendly debate speculating as to the cause of the crash. He took the position that it was a software problem with Boeing almost completely at fault whereas I opined that perhaps the pilots should have been faster to disengage the autopilot. As the author of the article here notes, his personal aircraft has... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by exogenous at 7:42 AM on April 23, 2019

Aw, all the logic is boring electronics. I was hoping there'd be pasta-based mechanical logic.
posted to MetaFilter by jackbishop at 3:47 PM on April 22, 2019

M&E

to the uninitiated, this means "monism and Erlebnis"
posted to MetaFilter by thelonius at 3:31 AM on April 22, 2019

Thank you for the mention of my previous post!

And I continue to do two things:
1) Refer to them as the National Homicide Association
2) urge people to send thoughts and prayers and not one penny.

I hope people remember that the modern NRA was born in murder, and they opposed reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act. Bastards all.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by mephron at 2:35 PM on April 20, 2019

This sounds exactly like the same sort of horseshit logic companies use to keep employees from discussing their salaries. They know if everyone knows how much each is paid, we will all come to realize we are being underpaid and will demand fair wages.

This doesn't destroy privacy either, how much you make isn't private information nor should it be. If somebody pays you for work in secret private personal money, fine, keep it private, but if you're getting or spending... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by GoblinHoney at 9:41 AM on April 17, 2019

Couple of observations:

1) Many (not all) of the early/more vocal "we need a Notre Dame post!" commenters in here haven't commented in the existing Notre Dame post.

2) A single link post with little context or effort would not normally survive. The fact that is breaking news does not and should not generally excuse it.

3) The people implying a post only stayed up because a mod made it must be, at best, new and... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by booksherpa at 5:58 PM on April 16, 2019

How about we make the make the following people's tax returns public:

- Anyone who runs for public office
- Anyone with an annual income, including salary, benefits and capital gains, of over $132,900 (that's the Social Security contribution cap; if you want to raise this number, raise the cap)
- Anyone who owns a business with 10 or more employees

Everyone else's taxes remain secret, because they're not handling enough money to matter.
posted to MetaFilter by Faint of Butt at 7:00 AM on April 17, 2019

To those who say this shift can't be made, look at Amsterdam. Everyone now knows it as a world-class haven for cyclists and pedestrians, but in the 70s it looked like any other car-clogged city. Activism and government buy-in changed this - it didn't just happen.
posted to MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 12:57 PM on April 15, 2019

Great essay. As for "Why is the car treated like a sacred cow?", in addition to the noted reasons—the triumph of bourgeois ideology, and the mythology of the car-as-luxury-object—there's also some much more... material reasons.

The auto industry employed (and to some extent continue to employ) a large percentage of the American workforce. Car factories' inefficiency compared to mass transit is a boon here; if we all used trains or buses,... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Kadin2048 at 10:48 AM on April 15, 2019

One big change in my understanding of men as I’ve gotten older—I used to think the men I knew hurt women (intentionally or accidentally or without caring either way) because they were overly strong, macho, masculine, not “touchy feely,” not empathetic, but after years of observing my own and others’ failed relationships, workplace conflicts, random encounters, and stories in the news, it seems so clear that the problem with many of the men I know and come into contact with is that they are... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by sallybrown at 9:24 AM on April 15, 2019

I have been sober for a year as of today, y'all.
posted to MetaTalk by joycehealy at 6:40 AM on April 14, 2019

I don't know anyone* who doesn't use gandi.

(Or anyone nerdy/geeky/techie I guess?)
posted to Ask MetaFilter by DarlingBri at 2:30 PM on April 14, 2019

Go live in Shitsville Oklahoma and save 600/month on rent but stop trying to act like the rest of us who work in media, tech, advertising, public relations, fashion, publishing, and a hole array of other industries that are centered in NY and LA and other expensive cities with larger economies can just pack up and leave our networks. There are jobs here, and colleagues and recruiters and mentors and all of it translates to more opportunities. If your job is selling ad space for the... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Foosnark at 11:44 AM on April 13, 2019

The implications are at once mind-blowing and trivial.

The mind-blowing part is: we've been doing this wrong for a long time. We tell our students "these things that look like fractions aren't actually fractions, don't forget that. Now to solve this next problem, pretend it's a fraction..." One of the reasons we say that is exactly what this paper addresses, which is that the fraction idea breaks down at higher derivatives. The funny thing is, basically the... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by dbx at 7:34 AM on April 11, 2019

Oh for pete's sake.


posted to MetaTalk by jessamyn at 6:25 PM on April 10, 2019