MetaFilter

It was 5 years ago next month. I was 36 and had never been on a date in my entire life (at least one I recognized while the date was occurring, rather than slapping my forehead afterwards). She was someone I knew from a small local activist group; I'd always enjoyed talking to her, but we were both shy, introverted types. We started communicating outside the group after she reached out to me on social media when I posted about returning to my apartment after a massive natural disaster. We... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Homeboy Trouble at 2:44 PM on May 11, 2018

The fact that your daughter is uncomfortable around him is the bottom line here. Even if there were zero problems with his background check, you would still be justified in keeping your daughter away from him based on the episodes of her being upset at his unwanted touches.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Knowyournuts at 8:36 AM on May 11, 2018

Spikeball is fun! It requires a certain level of athleticism, though, and only 4 people can play at once.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by geegollygosh at 2:34 PM on May 8, 2018

The flaws you describe are not universal flaws (like lying, cheating, violence etc). They are subjective - they could equally be re-framed as "He is relaxed. He isn't uptight, and always in a hurry: he takes the time to appreciate the world. He's quick in the mornings because he would rather spend his time enjoying his bed. He's a good listener and doesn't dominate the conversation like most men. He's frugal." You get the picture.

So the question is, why are... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by matthew.alexander at 5:20 AM on May 1, 2018

(dammit, Anil, I've been trying to get people to stop making that joke and now this)
posted to MetaFilter by cortex at 2:38 PM on April 29, 2018

(And it has a professional white background, ya know.)
posted to MetaFilter by anildash at 2:36 PM on April 29, 2018

It's funny: I use Stack Overflow all the time, but it's literally never occurred to me to get an account there, much less ask a question. Usually, someone else has asked my question, and they got to be the target of all the snark and rules-lawyering and general jerkishness. I just get to read the answer. I'm sure that some day I'll have a question that hasn't already been asked, and hopefully I'll figure it out on my own, because no way am I subjecting myself to that mess.
posted to MetaFilter by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 11:31 AM on April 29, 2018

When I was struggling with this about 25 yrs ago (I'm 48 now) I read the metafilter favorite The Feeling Good Handbook and did all the exercises. It really made a difference in how I thought. The exercises are designed to help you identify what he calls cognitive distortions - ways of thinking that lead you down a bad road.

I would say that I went from feeling fundamentally flawed to feeling like I am good enough. One big shift was realizing that I am actually a pretty... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by selfmedicating at 7:20 AM on April 28, 2018

I’m probably never going to have those feelings ever again.

That is almost certainly true.

My best advice to you, at this stage in your life, is to allow yourself to let go of the ways you've already tested for having good feels, in order to make room for what is yet to come. Young adulthood is far, far too early for a person to ossify into somebody with an immutably fixed set of reward-seeking behaviors.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by flabdablet at 3:04 AM on April 27, 2018

When I'm bored I start planning to make my partner (of 20-some years) feel surprised and delighted and attracted. This is, of course, very difficult, because I have used my good stories already. Have to come up with something new! Maybe it won't even work! -- Ah, there's the frisson.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by clew at 10:31 PM on April 26, 2018

I would argue that early-dating days feelings are not worth pursuing, especially since reading this article by Joni Mitchell
“But along with developing my superficial side, I always nurtured a deeper longing, so even when I was falling into the trap of that other kind of love, I was hip to what I was doing. I recently read an article in Esquire magazine called ‘The End of Sex,’ that said something that struck me as very true. It said: “If you want endless repetition, see a lot of... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Thella at 9:43 PM on April 26, 2018

I don't think the song intends to be about anything more than the guy's feelings and his experiences. It's explicitly told from the guy's point of view - written and sung by a guy. I honestly don't think it's trying to universally define abortion for everyone.
posted to MetaFilter by spudsilo at 1:10 PM on April 25, 2018

As an Artist Formerly Known As A Very Attractive Woman, I couldn't disagree more with how a lot of the answers downplay your situation. This is such a classic case of sexual harassment it belongs in an employee training manual! It is not the prequel, as some suggested - it's the main movie 30 minutes in, after all the characters have been set up and the central conflict point has been introduced. I am especially appalled that the man in question is being painted as some sort of a clueless but... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by rada at 9:55 AM on April 25, 2018

There is an icky thing that happens sometimes when you get a bit older - you hit that age of perceived socially acceptable sex partner in the eyes of (sometimes much) older men, and their relationship with you switches from a very carefully maintained platonic friendliness to unwanted advances and directed interest in you "as a person" but it's actually them trying to find angles on manipulating you into wanting them back.

That's what really stuck out to me in... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Mizu at 2:44 AM on April 25, 2018

Best tank museum I’ve ever been to was the one at Munster, Germany, because being Germany everyone’s tanks came to visit for both world wars and the Cold War. The one at Bovington in the UK is pretty great too.

Haven’t really visited any in the US, Seatte’s more of an aerospace town.
posted to MetaFilter by Artw at 10:07 PM on April 22, 2018

With apologies to Chrysostom

John Scalzi’s Old Man, Fools Day!, Wuhan, China, Soviet X-Ray,
Downtime (Pacific), Barry Winchell, Joe DiMaggio

Paul McCartney, Cynthia Nixon, Singaporean baker, television,
North Korea , South Korea, James Monroe

Delwarian iceberg, bathroom bomb, Billy Ray, paper jam
Brando, Educate Your Eye, and Cheap AND Good Rye

Required shower,... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by unliteral at 4:46 PM on April 19, 2018

Plus, in the past where the state has been unable or unwilling to be such a guarantor, local communities and religions often stepped into that role...

I would much much rather have the state - at least supposedly accountable to its citizens and subject to the rule of law - handling this than I would religious communities or community consensus. Yes, you can argue that the state is not a great fit for this, but then it's on you to find a better alternative.
posted to MetaFilter by Dysk at 3:11 AM on April 19, 2018

The Bad Touch by the Bloodhound Gang
posted to MetaTalk by A Bad Catholic at 3:32 AM on April 17, 2018

I am not a fan of karaoke, but legend tells of a man who got very, very drunk in a karaoke room and performed a rendition of Footloose so epochal, so ball-shatteringly crucial, so Laibach-like, that he was moved to leap from the floor onto a bar table entirely covered in empties and surf that table to the floor, rising phoenix-like and unscathed from the pile of glass.

Legend tells.
posted to MetaTalk by Kafkaesque at 5:32 PM on April 16, 2018

They Might Be Giants discography,

Spring break. The year, 19nevermind. The place, Florida panhandle. Me and some buddies from Ole Miss are partying. We go to a bar with karaoke, where we happen upon some other Ole Miss folks (no one we knew, I assume some branded t-shirts helped us realize the shared background, but my memory of the specific conversation is lost to the sands of time). We were not most of us particular naturals at chatting up... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by solotoro at 6:18 AM on April 16, 2018

The deeper into the world of abstraction the better. The less connected to real world issues the more pure it is.

This...isn't really true anymore. And I say that as someone with a PhD in (analytic) philosophy, who can identify with the author's general sense of dissatisfaction and boredom.

Sure, you can find that attitude in spades if you're looking for it, and there's a lingering, vestigial sense of safety around... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Beardman at 6:40 AM on April 9, 2018

Every single time I go in prepared to roll my eyes at the turn in Til There Was You. Every single time I end up crying like a kid.

Never have cared much for the Beatles catalogue pre-Revolver, but their cover of Till There Was You has always brought a smile to face.
posted to MetaFilter by los pantalones del muerte at 10:29 PM on April 3, 2018

I want to be friends with Catherine from the first link but at the exact friendship-distance that I know what happens in her life but am never actually involved in it.
posted to MetaFilter by griphus at 5:09 PM on April 3, 2018

Yesterday I had a pineapple dragon fruit smoothie while eating the most delicious couscous lime avocado grilled prawn salad and that is really the pinnacle of my life right now.

I'm really enjoying my Holiday Weekend on Lombok. The bar for white people is so low, everyone is very impressed at my Bahasa Indonesia. The beach is beautiful and has crazy spherical sand, which I have learned (via science twitter) is actually probably bicarbonate accretions called ooids! I'm... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by ChuraChura at 6:51 PM on March 31, 2018

I've mentioned this in other places, but Serendipity by New Glaurus provoked such a strong memory of growing up in the Midwest that I actually cried, in a good way.

The beer is a fruit ale that was made when the cherry crop they rely on for their (absolutely fantastic) cherry ale had a bad season, and they couldn't source enough cherries of the grade they needed. Instead, they added apple and cranberry to the recipe, and turned out a beer that tastes like fall in the... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Ghidorah at 6:44 PM on March 31, 2018

Sure, and to be clear in turn: that long response is very much a general one for the most part, not a "talking to Kwine but not using Kwine's name" dance. I think the issue you raised falls into that rubric and I'm addressing it in the first paragraph, but the general phenomenon goes well beyond you or that specific commenting conflict, etc.
posted to MetaTalk by cortex at 1:10 PM on March 27, 2018

i'm originally from the Maritimes, where everyone asks each other pretty much everything, stranger or friend or otherwise. moving to toronto was a staggering culture shock. it often feels like people talk about themselves nonstop & just use me as a set of ears: and then have zero curiosity about me! even a decade in, i really struggle with it, and i'm def not the only maritimer i know who finds it tough.

out east, it's considered "big feeling" and rude to... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by crawfo at 7:22 AM on March 27, 2018 marked best answer

This is interesting, although it is missing an obvious category in the middle - "Hyper-partisan centrist", the sort of of news sources that report things like "some people say Donald Trump is not telling the truth", or that report on a proposed bill by devoting half the column to what the Republicans claim will happen, 25% to the man on the street, 20% to "Democrats claim", and may mention that every credible policy expert disputes the Republicans in that last 5%.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Homeboy Trouble at 10:28 PM on March 8, 2018

I agree with Mitheral and lalex: if they're crediting the source, it's fine.

> It might seem weird to you that something you wrote here gets wide exposure, because you see Metafilter as just "a way to talk to friends and nice strangers on the Internet", but the site is a real, revenue-generating Internet content business. You have to realize that, although you paid your $5, you're still "the product," and people linking to your posts on... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by languagehat at 12:59 PM on March 7, 2018

Film the burning and send that back.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by fullerine at 12:45 AM on February 27, 2018

I’ve mostly been casually dating, and it’s been very fun and non-anxiety provoking (a first for me). Life is good...Can a middle-aged commitment-phobe really change his stripes?

He heard somehow (social media, mutual friends, who knows) that you were out having fun with other dudes instead of crying over him and his snowboards and he didn't like that and now he's trying to make that your problem. He sucks and you should ignore him with prejudice.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Snarl Furillo at 9:35 PM on February 26, 2018

My office is moving. This means that instead of a daily 60-mile-round-trip-by-car commute, I will walk half a block to a bus stop, sit on a bus for ~20 minutes and then walk ~5 minutes to my new office (or sit on a bus for ~15 minutes then walk ~15 minutes to my new office). I have three more days of driving, then there will be two days of everyone working from home while the office gets moved, and then...THE BUS!

We're also going to be right across the street from the... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by rtha at 10:14 PM on February 24, 2018

(IMO bored rich kid bullies will be the hardest type to combat, especially when their parents see the bullying as a form of winning at a social competition and tacitly or actively approve of it. Bullies with shitty home lives are more intractable -- it's hard to intervene with those families in ways that make a difference -- but they don't have socially-savvy parents actively fighting schools' attempts to stop their kids from bullying, like bored rich kid bullies do.)... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Madame Defarge at 9:43 PM on February 22, 2018

You know what else? Starbucks is fine. It's good, strong drip coffee, available hot and black just about everywhere on Earth, at an eminently reasonable price. (I note that I made virtually word-for-word the same argument in a 2004 blogpost. My word but I've been jousting against hipster Starbucks-hate a long time.)
posted to MetaFilter by adamgreenfield at 6:01 AM on February 22, 2018

I'm guessing 2 tents per is probably the max, from the way sites were described (and yeah, I'm fine sharing with either Kwine or Churl!)
posted to MeFi IRL by Secretariat at 2:45 PM on February 14, 2018

Sure! With you and churl, that pretty much locks up those two sites (unless they're a lot bigger than I think they are). If anyone else is still interested, nearby sites D1, D2, D7, and D16 are available at the moment.
posted to MeFi IRL by Greg_Ace at 12:54 PM on February 14, 2018

I remember arguing to the death with my babysitter at age 5 that the "II" after WW or World War was not, in fact, a 2, but "i i" I know what a capital "I" looks like, dammit, don't pull my leg and try to tell me that's a number. How stupid do you think I am? I'm not even in kindergarten yet and I know how to read. I'm a damn GENIUS and you're lying to me like I'm a little kid!

Similar: I argued with my Dad in the car,... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Capt. Renault at 10:56 AM on February 14, 2018

I generally like to have observational/topical text convos, not getting to know you boring shit but like "just passed THREE DOGS on my way into work, gonna be a good day," at which point they'll like send a pic of their cat sleeping in the laundry or something

Cis queer woman in my late thirties here, and conversely I find this type of getting-to-know-you banter exhausting and frankly a waste of time until I have an actual bond with the... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by tapir-whorf at 11:31 AM on February 7, 2018

there should be a little band playing "God Save The Queen" on the F10 key
posted to MetaFilter by thelonius at 11:20 AM on February 7, 2018

It's just that expensive repairs no longer seem worth it. The air conditioning went 2 years ago, and the price to fix it seems too high. We've just been putting up with 2 months of suffering in the summer. Now that it's winter the frost on the windows won't melt even after letting the car warm up for 15 min, so something's wrong with that system too. We seem to replace the alternator and the battery every year now. So I just feel like something major will break sooner rather than later.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by kitcat at 4:13 PM on February 5, 2018

"Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment."
posted to MetaTalk by ricochet biscuit at 9:02 PM on January 27, 2018

-We pay 50% of very awesome insurance - our goal is to pay 100% by 2019
- We offer a 401k but no match yet

Until you solve those two issues, I wouldn't worry about what other perks to offer. If you're going after high tier tech candidates and not covering most or all of health insurance and at least a 3% match, unless you're offering equity or a really high salary, you're shooting yourself in the foot.

Do you have... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Candleman at 8:49 PM on January 16, 2018

While we pay well and have flexible hours

Pay better and have more flexible hours. The only useful benefits are those that have specific tax benefits (ie, 401(k) matching, or, food/coffee at work), and even then, the tax benefits have to be substantial.

What employees are looking for is cash. Employees can exchange cash for coffee. Employees can exchange cash for bus passes. Employees can exchange cash for their cell phone.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by saeculorum at 3:58 PM on January 16, 2018

Paul Ford's media guide?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by zamboni at 10:50 AM on January 12, 2018 marked best answer

My most prized possession is a ring my mother gave my father as a wedding gift. It's by far the most beautiful ring I've ever seen, the very coolest. Gorgeous. Way, way classier than I ever could be but goddamn was it a pleasure to wear it. It fit perfectly on my ring finger. So don't ask me how it came off as I swam in the Comal River. 1994. I was heartbroken, I still sortof am. I looked and looked. I'd have give up my pickup for that ring. I'd have give up my condo for that ring. Gone.... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by dancestoblue at 3:58 AM on January 7, 2018

1. Have your sister be your maid of honor.
2. Don't have bridesmaids.
3. Have a bachelorette party and invite the women you love.
4. Have said bachelorette party at least 2-3 months prior to your wedding day.
5. Send meaningful handwritten letters to each of the women who have helped you become who you are today.
6. It is 100% ok to ask your photographer to plan group photos with different groups of people. It was so much fun to see my... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Hermione Granger at 7:18 PM on January 6, 2018 marked best answer

I have reduced everything like that to one small shoebox. If I want to make space for it in one box then I know it really matters. If not, then not. Choose how much space you are willing to devote to memories and then let the objects fight it out for the privilege of taking that space.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by lollusc at 3:11 AM on December 31, 2017

You sell cheese. I buy cheese. You give me cheese I want. I pay. If I wanted your opinion I would ask for it.

It seems a bit late to come in with a parody comment about a stereotypical ignorant American consumer. But well played!
posted to MetaFilter by Nelson at 9:22 AM on December 23, 2017

hi "waluigi" fits perfectly into the chorus of "hallelujah" ok bye

if you open the ROM dump for the original Mario Bros arcade cab in a hex editor, after some header code and a sprite sheet you can find these lyrics:

they say that there's a secret block
that plumbers stomped with Kuribo's sock
but you don't really like platformers, do ye

it goes like this, up... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by cortex at 1:14 PM on December 21, 2017

This is really only a jumping-off point for me to say that I am constantly amazed by how many brilliant and accomplished people there are around here--and how many other people with maybe less impressive resumes but also amazing minds who choose here to say, you know, stuff, which has made me a better person by miles since the first time I stumbled across the site, and also allowed me to look really clever to my friends when I sent them this link before they saw it elsewhere. (Cough.)... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Sequence at 4:53 PM on December 12, 2017