MetaFilter

Fine. Let me rephrase.

You did not read that comment to be mansplainy.

As somebody who gets mansplained to on a regular basis, I read it to be clearly and obviously mansplain-y. The follow-up about how it was only POSSIBLY mansplaining and of COURSE it couldn't be rooted in the patriarchy/misogynist patterns of behavior does not make it feel less man-splainy. It is, in fact, what liberal or progressive men almost invariably say when called... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by joyceanmachine at 3:05 PM on January 4, 2019

zarq, that message is really man-splainy. There is no possibly about it. Reading it made me feel very strongly you considered EM to be not as smart as you, and not as much of an adult, and that she needed to have things explained to her using small words that she would understand. It did not read like a member of a community calling out somebody with power who had acted inappropriately.

When I get an e-mail like that in a professional context from a dude, I have to... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by joyceanmachine at 2:22 PM on January 4, 2019

totally out of character for the user

I am very fond of Zarq, but bless you: I disagree completely.

I find it amusing that I am now getting told by one gentleman I respect and enjoy whether or not my assessment of another gentleman etc etc as being quite in character to explain moderator dynamics to a junior female mod is correct.

Go on, sir. Tell me more.
posted to MetaTalk by sciatrix at 12:56 PM on January 4, 2019

the description cortex provided of zarq's correspondence didn't jump out at me as being in any way over the line, yet it was described that way.

I actually read it as another user described - as a gendered power imbalance that did not favor EM. A long time male user of the site, reaching out to a new female mod, to say 'you don't know the rules here, you're new, let me explain to you how to mod' would give me the screaming jeebies. The implication... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by corb at 12:39 PM on January 4, 2019

You know, the "boy, Metafilter was better in the old days" crowd loves to pine for the fight-y MeTa threads of old, but now we've had like two in a row, and I'm just reminded of how shitty it was when this happened every week.
posted to MetaTalk by Chrysostom at 7:45 PM on January 3, 2019

Schrodinger's Box is a YouTube channel that came to mind when you mentioned "walks you through the typical problem-solving paths." The guy who runs it is a little prickly/condescending when he talks about other YouTube channels, but he's very focused on giving people fundamentals that they can generalize across all kinds of cars/situations, rather than showing them what to do once they've figured out (or just guessed about) the problem. Here's a video where he diagnoses a no-start on a... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Polycarp at 9:04 PM on December 29, 2018 marked best answer

Well this was a welcome slap in the face to how I sometimes treat my wife. I'm going to make a great effort to change this ASAP as I've noticed it wearing on her and the last thing I want to do is keep her on edge around me. She should feel the opposite. I don't have more to add, everyone else has summed up why men do this and how to counter it. I just felt the need to let you know that this woke me tf up.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by MNMCSOJGPFTAATMOTTSOITATTMSFMVOOW at 11:37 AM on December 27, 2018

(apologies back at ya Kwine for not picking up on the reference/joke Zelda tends to be very serious business in my household)
posted to MetaFilter by Bacon Bit at 10:38 AM on December 27, 2018

Some years back three people posted Zelda posts on the same day. I've commemorated that ridiculous event with a posted on The Legend of Zelda on this day every year since.
posted to MetaFilter by JHarris at 7:36 PM on December 26, 2018

I'm officially a poet now, I got a couple of pieces published in the just launched literary magazine The Willowherb Review.
posted to MetaTalk by dhruva at 3:13 PM on December 23, 2018

Whoah, Kwine! Thank you. Super cool!
posted to MetaFilter by panama joe at 1:56 PM on December 23, 2018

I hate the Boston Globe's paywall so much. I would dump debris and portapotties on top of it.
posted to MetaFilter by ChuraChura at 11:00 AM on December 20, 2018

When we want to have control over our own posting history (because, in my case, people in real life were using my posting history to harass and threaten me in real life), the archival integrity of Metafilter is sacrosanct

I have said a bunch of times, and will continue to reiterate, that we are open to talking to folks about removing stuff they have privacy/history/etc. concerns about. We will, can, and do remove stuff like that on a regular basis; it... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by cortex at 12:26 PM on December 20, 2018

Okay, I understand why name-changes are not going to happen (*watches pony run away, single tear runs down my cheek*) and that's ok. So I now have a new username.

For my second pony, I would like a way to search the site on mobile. Tags, especially.
posted to MetaTalk by Gray Duck at 10:36 AM on December 20, 2018

Basically my entire writing career.
posted to MetaTalk by The Whelk at 9:38 AM on December 19, 2018

Who else learned 50 Nifty United States in school?
posted to MetaTalk by wellred at 7:50 PM on December 15, 2018

$50K is not enough money to sit on the beach, fwiw.

You understand that most people don't even make $50,000 for working all year round, right? The people who think that $50,000 isn't very much money are not in anything like the majority and their experience is not typical.
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 1:06 PM on December 12, 2018

This guy fucking sucks. Not only is he lying to you, but he gets validation by having multiple women on a string, and by making you feel bad by referencing all the other women who want him. DTMFA, you can do a LOT better.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Eyebrows McGee at 6:17 AM on December 11, 2018 marked best answer

Wowsers, lots of... frankly lots of nonsense and assumptions here. Before generalising our own experiences and making some big leaps, let's have a look at what the evidence says. The good news, there is a lot of it.

The Link Between Family Background and Academic Success:

- "Coleman’s analysis concluded that the primary predictor of student academic success was not disparities in access to school resources such as textbooks, laboratories,... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by smoke at 2:21 PM on December 5, 2018 marked best answer

StickyCarpet, your mom and friends sound like they were basically reinventing cohousing. I'm sorry that her health stuff threw that for a loop, what a bitter irony.

I loves me some Anne Lamott, and that essay was wonderful. But there's one point where I depart significantly from what she describes, and that's sex. It may well be that the women she knows are totally over sex, but I don't see that among my women friends, and that's sure as heck not true for me.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Sublimity at 4:15 AM on December 5, 2018

I made the guys I worked with in Cote d'Ivoire celebrate birthdays, American Independence Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Chanukah, in addition to normal celebrations like Ivorian Independence Day, Christmas, New Years, funeral parties, and wedding parties. They put their foot down at Groundhog's Day as a holiday one could celebrate. "Americans celebrate too many things. No stupid rat holidays."
posted to MetaFilter by ChuraChura at 7:30 AM on December 3, 2018

I know that if a driver ever kills someone I love, the rage I will feel will destroy me.

My brother was the passenger in a car driven by his good friend when they ran into a tree. The crash killed my brother, while the other passengers only received minor injuries. No intoxication was involved. At the funeral, my mother approached the driver and told him that she didn't blame him. That he should forgive himself and live a good life. She told me... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Thella at 11:21 AM on November 29, 2018

I dunno, man.

I agree with some of the comments that sometimes people (including me) get a bit question-y and I know I've occasionally chimed in on questions where I don't actually know the answer, and I think having regular discussions about what kind of community we want to inculcate is a great thing.*

But I also don't feel like AskMe is a cesspool and generally I feel like when I click through to read the answers that I'm going to have a... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by warriorqueen at 8:50 AM on November 28, 2018

Oftentimes, I'll read long-time MeFites say, gosh, they were young when they joined and WOW they've grown a lot and hoo boy what a jerk they used to be way back when and they're thankful the site is still here and that the community put up with them. I don't believe we afford that luxury of growth to people here anymore, especially if that person comes in with language we don't like.

In that Ask that went so poorly, that guy said words that I (sadly) hear on the train to... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by kimberussell at 4:25 AM on November 28, 2018

Long time listener, first time caller. I saw something about this anniversary online and was inspired to delete my facebook account (it was a long time coming) and (in some way that does 100% make sense to me) make a place in my life to finally join up here. So hello all - looking forward to everything with all of you!
posted to MetaTalk by matchstick at 9:55 AM on November 19, 2018

Ryan Dowd is a lawyer who works in a shelter and deals with a lot of different people who are experiencing homelessness as well as (often) other mental health issues. I subscribe to his newsletter which is about strategies for working with homeless people in libraries including a lot of "What do do when they are being jerks, even if you understand why they are being jerks" and it might be useful for your situation as well. He talks a lot about de-escalating and a lot of things I... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:34 AM on November 15, 2018

I loathe this trend, which I inadvertently stumbled into recently when my last pair of a now-discontinued brown denim Dockers got ripped. I don't like them for a couple reasons: First, they wear out faster and their fit changes. Artificial stretch is temporary and gives way to weird sags. Second, and more importantly, they seem to breath a lot less than even tight-cut regular denim jeans, and I don't like feeling sweaty wearing them. I live in Southern California, and if I still lived in the... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by klangklangston at 11:10 AM on November 13, 2018

I think...I definitely have an unhealthy relationship to my phone, because it essentially lets me be hacked in to adrenaline at all times. I have recently begun attending church again, where it would be socially horrifying if you pulled it out, and - I think that’s at least a small part of the peace I’m finding.
posted to MetaFilter by corb at 6:53 AM on November 13, 2018

Oo! Basically an amalgamation of the boxes I currently subscribe to, so skincare and bath items, makeup, dog toys and treats (with 3 of everything). On top of that, I'd like to add a candle, some fun stationery or desk things, snacks from around the world, and some nice socks.

I mentioned this in the Fucking Fuck 8.5 (or whatever the open one is) thread, I swear I'm not looking for pity or favorites or whatever, but it's so overwhelming right now and kind of a secret... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Fig at 1:54 PM on November 10, 2018

I would love a box with twee themed comfortable underwear and solid color bras that fit and match the thematic underwear. I still mourn the lobster underpants and the polar bear underpants, sacrificed to my ex's parents' dog.

I'm starting to feel like a very boring person who is consumed with very immediate things and work with no more imagination or fun hobbies or perspective or plans. So it'd be great to get something on a regular basis that knocked me slightly off of... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by ChuraChura at 5:45 AM on November 11, 2018

Thank you all so very much. rtha was able to read much of this thread earlier this week, when she could still focus on it. She died very peacefully. I was holding her hand, and she just stopped breathing, in her sleep. She was very ready to go, although it was sooner than we had anticipated. Friends and cats were all here with me. I've got lots of friends taking good care of me at the moment, including desuetude. I haven't gotten it together to plan logistics for a memorial, but I will, and will... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by gingerbeer at 5:40 PM on November 10, 2018

"You try to tell yourself the things you try to tell yourself to make yourself forget"

The delivery of this lyric in Anna Begins always makes me stop and take pause. I don't know why, but it's damn effective.
posted to MetaFilter by hippybear at 10:43 AM on November 10, 2018

I am beyond embarrassed at this point. I never meant to make Jane uncomfortable. At this point if she never wanted to speak to me again I totally understand. She texted back saying she was disappointed at the way the night went.

Is there a sentence missing here? Because it seems like you're saying she texted back to you but I don't know if you texted her something.

So, hey, you're in a lousy situation. That said, you know... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:06 PM on November 5, 2018

Then That’s What They Called Music by Nathan Rabin for the A.V. Club.
posted to MetaFilter by chrchr at 10:08 AM on October 30, 2018

There are a few subtle things in the phrasing of your question that are making people here mad at you, so I'm going to try to explain them.

How can I date women at work
How many women are you hoping to date? You make them all sound interchangeable. If you had asked about ONE woman it wouldn't be as bad, but this sounds like you like them all just because they're women?

without being accused of sexual harassment?... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by pseudostrabismus at 9:58 PM on October 29, 2018

The Christmas songs are way too low on this list, as they are the best Christmas songs. Otherwise, just list all the tracks from Come On Feel the Illinoise! as the top 22 and be done with it.
posted to MetaFilter by slogger at 11:25 AM on October 24, 2018

infini, may I ask what you do?

What has your experience there been?

For the past ten years, I've specialized in deconstructing the underpinnings* and frameworks underlying the so called informal economy in the developing world - cash intensive, inadequate infrastructure, variable quality and availability of working systems and processes, scarce consumer and market data, if any. Thereby, I help companies, startups, not for... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by infini at 7:22 AM on October 21, 2018

Big thanks to those who were able to attend. Had a great time. Hope to see you again soon.
posted to MeFi IRL by Stanczyk at 8:10 PM on October 10, 2018

I saw a good paper the other day which showed that great schools rankings loaded almost entirely on household income and whiteness, and actual educational outcome were pretty close to irrelevant.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by JPD at 3:26 AM on October 8, 2018

"it feels like a bridge too far to just ask me for it directly for the express purpose of using it for your work"

Does it? You work for the same organization? Is there any value to the organization for your co-worker to re-use your format?

You said, "we are not in direct competition" -- but you work for the same organization. The mindset of being in "direct competition" with one of your... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jzb at 8:07 PM on October 4, 2018

Emerick's book, Here, There and Everywhere is one of the better ones by someone who worked closely with The Beatles. Some have said that Emerick gave himself too much credit, but I don’t agree. Either way, I've read way too much about The Beatles, and I found his book one of the more informative and interesting, and one of the least gossipy, which I consider a good thing.

He will be missed.

.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by young_simba at 2:45 PM on October 3, 2018

I agree that the article is couched in the gentlest possible terms, and I want to be a little less gentle. Not harsh, but a bit less hushed. So many men are still asking themselves, “why haven’t any of the women in my life ever told me about these experiences?” and for many of them, the answer is in their unswerving misogyny, their promise to enact bloody vengeance on anyone who dares touch their property (wives and daughters), their mockery of survivors of sexual assault, their dedicated... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by a fiendish thingy at 7:53 AM on October 3, 2018

Unrelated to the prompt, but precisely one year ago (to the hour) I survived a really brutal sexual assault.

I’m still recovering, but goddamit, I’m here.
posted to MetaTalk by ocherdraco at 8:32 PM on September 23, 2018

I have this same problem. I now preemptively patch trousers before I wear them-- I get an iron-on repair patch and zigzag stitch over it from the inside of the crotch. This extends the life of the trousers by a good while. The hole develops anyway, but it's easier to patch over if there's a second layer of fabric there already.

I have tried a roomier fit, tailoring, etc. and it doesn't seem to matter.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by blnkfrnk at 5:50 AM on September 26, 2018 marked best answer

One of my previous lives was as a QA tech for a subcontractor to the NTSB, and many of my days amounted to my running a simultaneous circuit of disaster as I made diazo duplicates of NTSB crash reports for distribution, and did quality control on the crash site photos, examining high-quality duplicates of photographs of bodies altered by crash forces in ways that would have put a gleam in the eye of JG Ballard's anti-hero in Crash. While I worked, I'd be running duplicates... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by sonascope at 2:48 PM on September 12, 2018

In all my encounters with Klostermann's work, the work has turned out to be something like this, where he writes very entertainingly and perceptively about something that I just never quite come around to believing is worth the effort. But there were some hilarious lines in this; I particularly enjoy the recognition that it's very easy to imagine David Lee Roth being disappointed with getting everything he wants.
posted to MetaFilter by Ipsifendus at 8:36 AM on September 5, 2018

I'm a jack of all trades and master of none by nature. I'm adequate at most of what I do, if I put my mind to it.

I used to think that this was depressing because I'd never have something that I was great at. I would never have something to be proud of.

But now I'm ... kind of happy about it? I'm adaptable. I'm not extremely skilled at languages and bad at math, or vice versa. I'm okay at both! I'm not a genius who can't stand physical activity,... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Kutsuwamushi at 9:25 AM on September 3, 2018

I can always pick the most expensive item in any shop. This is no use to me because I’m constantly broke but c’est la vie.

I used to be pretty good at sexing Canada geese

I read that as “sexting” and I had a lot of questions.

Also I just got engaged last weekend and I’m getting married in 11 weeks, whoop! (That’s just actual bragging I guess, not technically a weird talent or... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by billiebee at 12:23 PM on September 1, 2018

But you may have noticed that #MeToo didn't fucking touch industries like, for example, video games, or, less obviously, finance.

#MeToo is a due diligence issue now Advisers are adding guarantees to certain merger agreements in light of the sexual misconduct scandals that have enveloped the producer Harvey Weinstein and other high-profile businessmen -- ones that legally vouch for the behavior of a company’s leadership.

The... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by the man of twists and turns at 12:23 PM on August 30, 2018

Given the tone of this thread, seems like he made the right decision.
posted to MetaFilter by gwint at 8:38 AM on August 30, 2018