MetaFilter

This kid sounds amazing: creative, flamboyant, fun, and delightfully weird. Protecting our kids from natural consequences doesn’t serve us or them in the long run. They need space to stretch their wings and be in charge, and clothes are an excellent method of expression. I would like to gently suggest that this parent is pretty pick about clothes, and controlling, and needs to let go. Stop fighting this battle.

The stakes get higher, and you are potentially hurting an... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by bluedaisy at 3:41 PM on March 23, 2024

Every time kid shows up and you have a thought of what they are wearing, their hair cut or colour, their body, whatever related to appearance, you have two choices of expression:

a) Say nothing.
b) Kid, you look good.

That's it.

My credentials: Parent who did everything wrong. Best friend whose parent did everything right (the above). Guess who grew up with a healthy, loving relationship with their parent?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by nanook at 2:27 PM on March 23, 2024

You are fighting battles that don't need fought.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jmsta at 12:47 PM on March 23, 2024

Why in god’s name are you controlling what your kid is wearing? If they get cold on a hike, lesson learned.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Melismata at 11:43 AM on March 23, 2024

I think it’s going to be an interesting few years getting there but things will sort out relatively quick.

That is a fun little way to gloss over bankruptcy, housing insecurity, loss of healthcare coverage, the torpedoing of personal savings/retirement preparation and all the other things that come with mass layoffs in multiple industries at once. "Interesting" yes it's terrifically "interesting" how my partner, a journalist, has... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 10:28 AM on March 22, 2024

I tend to agree with rd45. My credentials: I have lived with at least five teenagers, 3 of whom I parented since birth, one I took in after they were abandoned by their family and later adopted, one who is my youngest's best friend (youngest is 16, best friend is 17 and has been living with me off and on since they were 12 or 13, including for about a year in 2022-2023). In addition, I've often had various individual or groups of teens crashing at my place for a bit for various reasons usually... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Well I never at 6:02 AM on March 22, 2024

I don't think this is what you want to hear, so feel free to flag me if I'm off-topic - but, I handled that conversation by not having it.

Both my kids dropped out of education for three years, for Reasons. I left them to it. Their reasons were perfectly valid, and I respected their experience & their decision-making. I offered them emotional & practical support to the extent they found it useful, and otherwise stayed out of their business. They had (& still... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by rd45 at 5:24 AM on March 22, 2024

Yeah, i don't give a shit whether he's a fascist or not (but every misogynist is already at least one step down the road to fascism, because fundamentally, a misogynist is a cop with no badge). He's clearly a fucking abuser, and that part is pretty important! Why do you want to be in a parasocial relationship with a fucking abuser, whether or not he has nice healthcare content?
posted to MetaFilter by adrienneleigh at 7:01 PM on March 26, 2024

putting a pin in this thread to revisit once we see the kind of person/host Huberman develops into in the months following this piece. it's not the first nor will it be the last time people choose to arbitrarily die on the hill of a podcaster they have a parasocial relationship with instead of seeking greener grass of which there are plenty in the podcasting space (like if you really care about women's health and aren't just using it as a cudgel for 'look at how good this... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by paimapi at 11:11 AM on March 26, 2024

From the article:

A spokesperson said, “Dr. Huberman is very much in control of his emotions.”

There's always a dril tweet:

and another thing: im not mad. please dont put in the newspaper that i got mad.

posted to MetaFilter by mhum at 9:10 AM on March 26, 2024

I'd strongly suggest looking at chud social media (if you don't want to take my word for it; not that I recommend chud social media). There's a whole world of "men are worthless unless they are tall and strong [in a way that is only achieved by a few people by loony toon behavior/steroids] and only men who are tall and strong [and usually white] will get the "hot" women [because women are shallow] and also you need to reproduce with a hot tradwife". There is a whole... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 8:00 AM on March 26, 2024

I know what makes him attractive to people. It's not his banal advice to get exercise and go outside every once in a while.

He is not "something else" apart from conservatism. He'll follow the same pipeline that all people with power and narcissistic tendencies follow:

1. Get used to privileged treatment
2. Say something dumb publicly or have his accusers organize and come forward
3. Get called out for it... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by AlSweigart at 7:24 AM on March 26, 2024

I feel like it's clear from the rest of the comment that in these communities, "fitness" and "optimiziation" carry a lot more of the connotations of fascism than they do when used elsewhere.
posted to MetaFilter by sagc at 7:22 AM on March 26, 2024

Textbook.

Huberman sells a dream of control down to the cellular level.

A conservative grifter selling the idea of self-improvement because it seems far easier to remake yourself than to work with others for systemic change, especially when other people are the source of your trauma? Oh, and have an apolitical appearance but reinforce deeply conservative bigotry disguised as the natural, biological order?... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by AlSweigart at 4:33 AM on March 26, 2024

we don't really have a homeless problem

we have a deeply ableist, racist, and classist society and homelessness is a natural product of that system

I'm also reminded of a book that came out a while ago about how mental illness rates in homeless populations is largely misattributed - it's not mental illness that leads to homelessness but, in a no-duh sort of conclusion, it's homelessness that 1) exacerbates formerly manageable mental illnesses and... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by paimapi at 10:44 AM on March 25, 2024

Breaking through the concept that if you don’t have enough money, you’re somehow a failure and don’t deserve a hand up is really the hardest point to drive home, right? Because those stereotypes exist.

That is the fundamental rot at the core of the American self-image.
posted to MetaFilter by grumpybear69 at 10:27 AM on March 25, 2024

Am I the only one who just learned what a bobble is? ("a small ball made of strands of wool used as a decoration on a hat or on furnishings.")
posted to MetaFilter by Mr.Know-it-some at 2:13 PM on March 25, 2024

We weren't allowed pets growing up. To cope I kept small fuzzy inanimate objects in boxes and pretended to feed them. (Stuffed animals never hit the same, for some reason.) Protip: a spiralled pipe cleaner in an Altoids tin makes an excellent pet for on the go, especially useful at school. A single chocolate chip makes an excellent meal.

Anyway, this is great.
posted to MetaFilter by phunniemee at 2:02 PM on March 25, 2024

Added the crouton petting tag.
posted to MetaFilter by fight or flight at 1:42 PM on March 25, 2024

I'm so glad she rescued that poor tribble.
posted to MetaFilter by Faint of Butt at 1:18 PM on March 25, 2024

But the epidemic of loneliness and depression that has swept society reveals that many of us are now walled off from one another in vats of our own making.

Balderdash.

The loneliness epidemic isn't going anywhere until we stop a) blaming lonely people for being lonely and b) thinking that insisting that lonely people stop being lonely is a solution.

The loneliness epidemic is caused by the fact that... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by MrVisible at 7:09 PM on March 24, 2024

Are you able to recognize these moments when they're happening? You mention having limited relationship experience, and I want to offer that an important relationship skill to learn for me was a) identifying when something was happening that made me feel bad/uncomfortable/displeased (my longstanding tendency was a combination of being super 'understanding' and downplaying my own genuine reactions to the point of denial) and b) proactively communicate about it. Not doing those things ends up... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by wormtales at 8:12 AM on March 19, 2024

The first thing I notice here is that you're spending a lot of time project-managing this. You've ruled out various things, you make sure to praise on a regular schedule, you have a whole analysis and a plan. To me that seems really grim when you're talking about an adult partner rather than a child or a mentee. It's also a lot of work - do you feel that he'd put in this amount of work and consideration for you?

I know you're looking to have a... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Frowner at 6:16 AM on March 19, 2024

This is going to be an unpleasant analogy, I'm sorry.

Like training anything, you have to give a feedback he will feel, right in the moment. A calm conversation later doesn't hit the right part of the emotional system, it doesn't get to the same circuits that are being activated in the moment. This is why there's that stereotype of having a rubber band on your wrist to snap to train yourself out of something.

In the moment when he says how much... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Lady Li at 1:18 AM on March 19, 2024

I’ve known people like this. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen one stop the behavior. I’ve put up with it for love, but it does always wind up poisoning the well.

I think it’s very reasonable to not want to be around this. You can certainly try to have that conversation, but I’m not sure that you can engineer it so his feelings aren’t hurt. The next time he does it, maybe you could try saying something like “I don’t like it when you take conversations in a competitive... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by eirias at 1:00 AM on March 19, 2024

windbox - genuine question: does israel have the right to respond to hamas over oct 7? if so, what would you consider to be a proportionate response?

People who speak in support of Palestine and Palestinians are tired of getting this question ad nauseum. Hardly anybody (I won't say nobody, that's never true) has ever said Israel has no right to "respond" to Hamas for the atrocities it committed on October 7. Many people have absolutely said... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Method Man at 7:51 PM on March 14, 2024

Yes, I dumped him with the "I'm not going to risk having my feelings hurt again" text. I wish his dog could come and live with me.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by SageTrail at 11:40 AM on March 13, 2024

Don't date people who hit their dogs. Irresponsible and abusive pet owners do not make good partners.

Leave this person behind (and consider tipping off your local animal rescue about someone who hits his dog and lets the dog off the leash in leash-only areas).
posted to Ask MetaFilter by fight or flight at 2:42 PM on March 12, 2024

I’m not sure what the question is, but here’s an answer: DTMFA
posted to Ask MetaFilter by fruitslinger at 2:32 PM on March 12, 2024

I think it's easy to get wrapped up in the aspects relating to the dog/gogs in general, but really, I think this experience helped you (correctly) ID out this guy as the kind of person who thinks rules meant for everyone can be rewritten as suits an exceptional person such as himself, but nevertheless also has rules for everyone else. Those guys kind of suck, and if I'm reading you right that you broke it off, I think you did yourself a solid.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by DirtyOldTown at 2:32 PM on March 12, 2024

I am sure insurance companies will use this information in an ethical and reasonable way to promote public safety.
posted to MetaFilter by The Manwich Horror at 7:12 AM on March 12, 2024

Every conservative governor in America is reading this story like, "Can we tell when her car gets near Planned Parenthood?"
posted to MetaFilter by mittens at 7:08 AM on March 12, 2024

I am a mutual aid aficionado too and hate living in a neighborhood that is like a distillation of the worst of all neighborhood apps. It is so hard to find community without having to swallow a whole ideology, and I’ve spent the latter half of my life trying to see and peel off the geological layers of ideology that filter my worldview. I don’t want to add more.

Personally I have been learning basic first aid, what local plants have evidence backed medicinal properties,... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Dr. Curare at 10:26 AM on March 14, 2024

A friend and I were, both old enough to have been traumatized by Cold War-era "Day After/ Threads"-style programming and thus baffled by the popularity of post-apocalyptic wasteland as setting for entertainment, spent a solid amount of time recently discussing how little interest we had in surviving whatever flavor of armageddon.

"With our luck," she said, "the billionaires and preppers will all go and we'll just end up still alive being two... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by thivaia at 7:54 AM on March 14, 2024

I feel a lot better now about having wasted most of the day on this because now I know about Hilary Mantel.
posted to MetaFilter by Don Pepino at 4:33 PM on March 12, 2024

Re-upping: Hilary Mantel, Royal Bodies (LRB): "Presumably Kate was designed to breed in some manners. She looks like a nicely brought up young lady, with ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ part of her vocabulary. But in her first official portrait by Paul Emsley, unveiled in January, her eyes are dead and she wears the strained smile of a woman who really wants to tell the painter to bugger off. One critic said perceptively that she appeared ‘weary of being looked at’. Another that the portrait might... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by MonkeyToes at 2:10 PM on March 12, 2024

This is one of those niche interest stories that has broken wide and doesn't make a lot of sense to people who aren't into all the details. Of course she probably just looks different and doesn't feel great after having surgery, but it's the way that their communications office has handled it that has made it so strange to people who are more familiar with how their communications office usually handles things. It initially took off because of the difference between how Kate... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by notheotherone at 7:11 AM on March 12, 2024

Everyone is talking about Kate because the British press is misogynist. Charles is dying of cancer that his royal homeopath is not going to cure and yet it's Kate that the media is obsessing and demanding proof of life over. The King, the actual monarch, gets privacy from the press. But his daughter-in-law, someone who is not part of the line of succession, has surgery and needs to recover and it's suddenly a conspiracy.

To me this is not an accurate... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 6:37 AM on March 12, 2024

This is 100% William’s mess.

The Prince of Wales’ current private secretary was only hired last month, as was Kate’s (she had gone for over a year without her own private secretary until then). Will announced about a year ago that he was looking to hire a Kensington Palace “CEO” to offload more of the work he already hasn’t been doing, but apparently no one wants that job.

Being born an heir has to be damaging to one’s emotional development,... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by obloquy at 10:38 AM on March 12, 2024

a classic UK tabloid flex is "WE ARE HORRIFIED BY THE INEXCUSABLE PUBLICATION OF REVEALING PHOTOS OF THIS INTENSELY PRIVATE PERSON" and here are some examples of what we are talking about so you can understand the full depravity of this situation
posted to MetaFilter by chavenet at 9:53 AM on March 12, 2024

As Douglas Adams once said of the Presidency of the Galaxy, the royals' role is not to wield power but to draw attention away from it.

They are very good at doing so.
posted to MetaFilter by delfin at 8:33 AM on March 12, 2024

working as a waitress in a cocktail bar

that much is true
posted to MetaFilter by chavenet at 8:45 AM on March 12, 2024

I also hadn't been following Kate's medical drama, but the botched photo/cover up certainly got my attention. I'm curious if Buckingham's apparent support of the mistreatment of Megan by the press has led to them being gun shy of showing Kate as anything less than perfectly composed.

One of the things the Neiman Lab article posted above points out is how there is an implied "authorized" paparazzi, which means a lot of the awfulness to which Meghan was subjected... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Lord Chancellor at 7:40 AM on March 12, 2024

Absolutely zero percent of my sudden interest in this whole affair has to do with thinking Kate doesn’t deserve privacy. It’s not about her at all, it’s about the stunningly incoherent palace PR response. It’s about the fact that they didn’t just say “she deserves privacy” and instead have been clearly and blatantly dishonest about her condition to the point where it’s created a massive own-goal. That photo they released is the kind of thing you see in a true crime... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 5:50 AM on March 12, 2024

"The Princess of Wales is missing and the spare Prince is in exile and the King is treating his cancer with herbs. If this were the 1300s France would be looking to invade." from

also

"The King of England lies dying and one of his sons has been exiled. A princess has vanished. Plague stalks the land and the Treasury has been plundered.

NOW is the time for strange women lying in ponds to distribute swords... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by mbo at 2:57 AM on March 12, 2024

If the yawning gulf that separates British press hostility toward Meghan and its mysteriously meek deference toward Kate hasn't convinced the public that the monarchy and its hangers-on are racist as fuck and corrupt to their core, I don't know what will.
posted to MetaFilter by tclark at 8:51 PM on March 11, 2024

.

Goddamn, us all passing around the same 20$ is not a sufficient replacement for a functional health care system.
posted to MetaFilter by corb at 3:29 AM on March 6, 2024

He's a retired professor and you wrote a book about a topic in his area of professional expertise and he can no longer do that and it seems very, very likely to me that this is a point of pain to him. Having to come to terms with your own failings and expanding limitations is incredibly hard. With all the love in the world, if you open a dog cafe I am not going because mine failed and closed and that is still pretty fucking painful to me. (I'll send you flowers for your opening! But I'm not... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by DarlingBri at 9:34 AM on March 3, 2024

If you want to think of this terms favorable to your friend, you consider the interaction this way: You asked your friend for several thousand dollars worth of free consulting services. They declined, saying they were retired and didn't do that sort of work any more, partly due to physical disability.

You can be hurt because your friendship is on a level where they should have said yes, but I think it makes them declining more understandable.

A... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by mark k at 9:20 AM on March 3, 2024

I'm a professor. I would not read my friend's book in this situation. I don't think that makes me a bad friend, I just think it makes me a friend with boundaries. Your friend doesn't want to read your book. He's giving you polite reasons about why he doesn't want to do so. You don't have to be friends with him, but I would personally be very hurt to learn that my friendship with someone hinged on me doing free labor for them.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by twelve cent archie at 8:08 AM on March 3, 2024